I really like reading well done HP poetry; I have a great respect for people who write it because I find it very hard to do. Your poem really captured me, not to mention Harry's tumultous emotionsat the time. I thought it was well worded and descriptive. I enjoyed it very much.

Great beginning! I thought your story was really well-written! Keep writing, please!

Author's Response: Thanks, it should be done soon.

Wow, Katie. You wrote a story portraying true friendsip-- something that is especially hard to do in a one-shot.

I really like the style you use for descriptions. You have this effortless, crisp way of delivering facts that paint a picture very clearly in someone's mind. Such as, in the beginning of your story, when you are setting the scene. It really was a great introduction, one that I took note of to try and use in my own writing. :)

I would also like to comment on your dialogue. It was superb, really, and it seemed so natural, as if I could really hear Hermione and Ginny having there conversation. It also added to your great portrayal of friendship between the two girls,

Hmm. I have been scanning the page, trying to look for some crtique. Alas, for there is not much I can find. All I can say is that towards the middle of the story, the facts got a bit rushed. There was a lot of things being presented, and it was a little jumbled, I suppose, that could be purely be in the eye of the reader, but I thought I'd just let you know my thoughts.

Also, I like all the incorporations you made in this small moment. In this short reflection, you mangaged to reference romance, opinions on Snape, and the many feelings that Hermione and Ginny experienced. In my opinion, this is also very commendable and it made for a great stroy.

Really, Katie, I enjoyed your writing so much. I think that you created something very entertaining.

--Hanna

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, the middle is a bit odd -- this was written as (I think) for SPEW\'s one-year anniversary. The challenge, therefore, was to talk about another anniversary. And since I split Ginny from the Trio, there\'s a lot to tell! I will, when I edit this, try to clear that up a little. Thank you infinitely much for your compliments and comments. They mean a lot!

I have to admit that this was the first time I have ever ventured into reading a Snape/Hermione fic. Even though there was no romance between the two in this first chapter, you wrote the emotions brilliantly. I liked especially how you described Snape's relief of not having to chose sides anymore. To not have to be bad or good. Anyway, I give you a huggle and some turnips for a good chapter.

P.S. Do I see a bit of a flight of fancy when it comes to Snape getting out of the shower? ;)

Author's Response: Hi Chaser... I had written out a complete response to your review and the computer ate it for some reason so I will start again. I am glad that you decided to peruse the good ship SS/HG, I think you will enjoy sailing with us. Yes, there has been no romance yet, and the funny thing is I am not sure why. I crave lemons, I had planned to douse you all with lemonade constantly in this fic, but better bunnies have won out. Emotions are something I know. I am a very emotional person and having some intimate knowledge of depression doesn\'t hurt either. I totally think that in Canon Snape will be relieved to not have to choose sides anymore, whether that be as a result of his death or the death of one of his \"masters\" it will make his life change immensely. Thank you so much for the huggles and the turnips (my favorites, the huggles that is). As for the flights of fancy, I must ask indignantly \"Moi???\" hehehehe Well actually I would have to say my description to be very Canon. After all who, in Canon, can tell me what is beneath his robes? *giggling and rubbing her hands maliciously and waiting with baited ears* After all, he is quite likely strong having to run between 2 camps all the time. Not to mention lifting heavy cauldrons all the time.

What an interesting story! I enjoyed it very much, and reading it, I noticed that our writing styles are similar. As I read, I thought that your descriptions sounded like something I might write. Take that as a compliment or not, but I observed it. :) Anyway, I thought your story was beautiful in a sad way. The ending was unexpected, yet fitting. How tragic to be killed by a love potion!

Author's Response: Yes it is tragic, isn\'t it? I hope to check on your stories soon and thank so much for the review!

Wow, Sarah. Can I just say that I loved this chapter so much? I thought it was so amazing. I had never read anything from Snape's POV before; especially not young Snape. But it was truly amazing. I have always toyed with the idea of Snape loving Lily, and now how I see you bring it to life, I think you've got me hooked.

What this reminded me of was those incidences where someone is so horribly bullied that they end up doing rash things. Such as, going on a shooting spree at their high school. Maybe this reminds me of that because I know that Lily will never truly notice Snape, at least not how her wants her to, and that James, in the end, is going to "get the girl". I'm already empathizing with him, I guess, and that's all because you have set up this amazing chapter full of longing.

What I thought was the greatest about this chapter was your complete characterization of Snape. It was perfect, how you kept in tune with his rational side, but also exposed this raw side to him, this one thing that he cannot rationalize.

To go along with the characterization (kind of), I thought that Lily/Snape potion scene was so great. It moved your plot along so well, giving Snape just the little bit of hope that will make him hurt all the more when he is let down.

You've earned a rave review from me, Sarah dear. I enjoyed reading this so much.

Author's Response: Wow! Hanna! *hug* I\'m so glad you liked the characterisation and atmosphere built up during this chapter - I\'ve actually found this story one of my most challenging yet, so to have achieved that in your eyes it utterly wonderful. I am really really pleased you liked this so much - you\'ll send me off to bed grinning! :D

*pops in again* I'm back, bearing another review!

I love how you shifted POVs for each chapter. It really keeps it interesting, not to mention the entirely complete idea that you are able to convey through using something like this-- you get the view of each protagonist, not to mention an omniscient narrator.

You've also brought together what people would view as opposites-- the popular Gryffindor and the almost unnoticed Slytherin. Yet, they are joined together by the fact that they think similar, something that they both seem to value.

You create another perfect culmination with Severus and Lily's kiss. Both of them forget about what anyone else might think, both going against whatever was holding them back. It was a great moment and you were able to put it across while still blending the emotions of happiness and sadness perfectly.

And after this, we see a different side. One of disappointment, one that almost hurts to accept. This is another thing about your writing that Iove. All of the emotions seem to jump from the page! You illustrate how quickly an opinion of someone can change-- with only one action, an entire relationship can be destroyed.

Amazing story, Sarah. You write emotions so well, it hurts! Haha, bad pun. Well, thanks for writing this amazing story. I truly did enjoy reading it.

--Hanna

Author's Response: Yay for another review! When I started out the story, I was unsure which POV I should go with - all of them had their merits., and I thought could work pretty well. So what did I do? I chose them all! I\'m glad it didn\'t turn out too confusing in the end! I thought it was very important to make it clear that Snape and Lily were crossing boundaries by being together, as that basically is what leads to their break-up - Lily can\'t accept the life Snape leads. It\'s great to hear that scene worked! I\'m really flattered that you like the way I portray emotion, as it\'s something I love to do and hope people enjoy in my writing! Thank you so much for your wonderful reviewing, and I\'m very very pleased to hear you enjoyed it! <3

I would like to start off by saying, great job! I loved this one-shot, how it captured the moment perfectly with witty lines such as, "Her father was another such fool to tradition, the pressure nearly suffocating him in his suit and tie." and the last line, "Small things were not meant to linger over, like falling rain and silly men." This young McGonagall is a fiery charcter, and I like how you portrayed her.

He had never felt this good with Cho, in fact he had not felt this good in a long time.

I really liked this line. It seems something someone in Harry's situation would genuinely think, comparing the only other relationship he's had with the one he's in now.

“Yes Harry?”

Comma after "yes", I believe.

...harder than the time they had fought during the TriWizard Tournament and hadn’t spoken for weeks.

TriWizard should be Triwizard.

"It is?” Harry felt himself start to relax; Ron wasn’t going to hit him!

I thought this line was bery funny. It added a nice bit of humor to the scene but also went along perfectly with the mood and happenings of the chapter.


Okay, end of nitpicks. ;)

I really liked your story; it seemed very natural and you captured Harry and Ron perfectly. I think your Ginnny could have used just a tiny bit of fine tuning. By fine tuning, I mean just one or two "Ginny" lines that would have made her stand out. Something a bit more fiesty, maybe a dash more playful or flirtacious.

I thought that you dialogue on the whole was pretty good, however I thought that it got a bit choppy in some places, maybe from overusing dashes and cutting off a sentence just a bit too frequently. But really, I thought that the dialogue was very canonically (fandom word there) correct and in most cases could have been straight from the books.

I thought your ending was very well-played; it was nice to have Harry win on two fronts, very fitting. It also was a great description of Ron and how his thoughts were so far away he couldn't really even concentrate on the chess game, which he usually devotes full attention to.

And Harry knew he wasn’t just talking about the game

I have a few comments on this sentence. First, there's a period missing on the end. I know, I know, I said I was done with nitpicking, but I just now noticed this one so stay with me. ;) Anyways, I think that it would have flowed a lot more smoothly without the "and" at the beginning. It would make it a bit crisper, and just make it just a bit better of an ending to your brilliant story.

I really enjoyed reading your one-shot and thought it was very well-written. Keep up the good work, Gina!



Author's Response: Hi Chaser! Thanks so much for the great review! I really appreciate your comments. I just fixed the little nitpicks. Plus I finally got to take out the extra line breaks, so thanks for the motivation. ;) Thanks for your positive comments. I\'m really glad I was able to write Ron and Harry well; I\'ll keep an eye on Ginny in the future (you are the second person to tell me this, hrm.) I\'m glad you enjoyed the story. This was my first fanfic ever and I hope I\'ve improved since then. Just in fixing those few errors I noticed other things and tweaked them as well. I hope you have a chance to read some of my other stories someday and see if you agree. ;) Overall I\'m still happy with it. I can\'t wait to see what happens to Harry and Ginny in Book Seven. Thanks again for the great review! You are so nice to take the time to read this story and leave such detailed and helpful comments! Thanks again and see you in the common room! :) ~Gina :)

Author's Response: PS. Oh!! This was a SPEW review! *squee* This was my first ever SPEW review. I\'m so excited- thank you!! :)

Yay for procrastinated SPEW reviews! :P

Lily would rather walk alone in the halls like this, listening to the echo of her footsteps, admiring the world around her.

I think this sentance would flow better if you added "Right now" to the beginning of it. It would kind of off-set the several "Lily"s you used.

James asked, anger beginning to flow unevenly through his veins.
This was kind of an abrupt change into James' POV. It might have been better if you said something more like, Lily saw anger flood his face. Or something along those lines.

His hand jumped up to his messy hair by default.
Oh my goodness, I loved this line! It was perfect.

“Night Evans. See you at breakfast.”
Comma after Evans.

That's very un-prongsy of you,"
...and capitalize "Prongsy".

This was a great J/L, Hayli! I especially loved the ending, with James winking at Sirius. Very clever. I also loved the valiant!James that you characterized. Very enjoyable one-shot.


Author's Response: Silly Hanna. : ) -hides from strange italics- -giggles-