A kiss is not just a kiss. After a disastrous Valentine's date with Cho, Harry finds himself alone with Luna and discovers what a kiss should be. Humour and Romance in a story that started with canon and went What If?
A good story! i did not believe harry and luna were even possible in the remotest way until i read your fic.Ok as usual my review is split
what i liked- Everything. A good story. Also i like the fact that you began with cho's pint of viw. A good original version of a pairing i did not beleive possible
what i did not like- nothing. I liked yuour whole story
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Awwww....thanks so much! I thought OotP, at the end, was very much nudging readers into thinking Harry/Luna. She does understand what he's been through. Unless Jo has some 'and after Voldemort was defeated Harry and Ginny married and lived Weasley ever after' ending, fanfiction writers can continue to hope, lol. ^_^
Usually whenever i read a story i go like.. ok... this person has apparantly written this story for the sake of writing a story. What's the point?. But i read your story and i was just plain blown, i men it was good, i just had to read your other stories, but comparing this story with the other stories by you i realised that even over here. I mean come on you have written much better. I have read almost all J/L fics and it usually happens that she pours out all her feelings to James be it that she know it was him or doesn't. In your other stories i was literally blown away by your originality. They were amazing. Anyway do not be discouraged by what i have written above.... it is extremely painfully clear that you show a lot of potential and you can write very well. I expect to see a lot more fics written by you!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I\'m glad to see I add a bit of variety to your usual J/L, which is what I was aiming for. My other story wasn\'t up to par, so I quit it. Hopefully I\'ll have more luck with one-shots. Thanks again!
It is amazing! lovely and unusual this story is just full of thrills. These days i am trying to give constructive crticism for all authors and when i read this fic i realised there simply wasn't any crticising to do. A good story, very well written, a good plotline as well as excellent grammer. This story has it all. It was a memorable read. Keep writing guys!
i ame across this while doing the scavenger hunt ( i know this is the second review i am giving but it really is that good!)Frankly it is amazing! lovely and unusual this story is just full of thrills. These days i am trying to give constructive crticism for all authors and when i read this fic i realised there simply wasn't any crticising to do. A good story, very well written, a good plotline as well as excellent grammer. I never would have thought that one could even try and write a story like this!This story has it all. It was a memorable read. Keep writing guys!
She braved darkness and death to give her son a gift. A gift that only one capable of great love can give.
FINALIST in the 2005 Winter-Snow Holidays Challenge # 5 - The Secret Gift Challenge
A very good story but i qwuite agree with starmaiden. I went through some of the enteries in december and for the secret gift challenge they were quite mushy. I see i do not have to write much because starmaiden seems to have said it all but i really liked your story. It has flow, good characterisation and a good plot. I really like the way you potrayed barty's mother and i think that it was probably the character JK had in mind. Overall a good job!
Author's Response: *lol* twisted isn't it? Sweetness and mushy is coming to be a cliche in thhat specific catagory. My twisted sense of humour just couldn't help but send some sort of anti-mush type of story although the challenge called for it. Funny -- no one mentioned the sweet motherly sacrifice *kidding!* ^_^
Normally I don't read many cliche humour fics (I mean poking fun at cliches fics) but this and cliche nation are exceptions.
First of all, the name was hilarious. Infinity........babe. And the decription. Though kaleidoscope and having a pet lemur aren't exactly Mary-Sueish. Now a tiger would play the part well.(Or something exotic.)
I love the narrator. She or he gives exactly the right clues.
So basically, an awesome job. Keep up the good work!
A well written story. It was quite good but there were some points which i didn't like. There is always room for improvement right?
what i liked was your general story, your interpretation of the characters, the plotline, they were all wonderful
But what you need to improve on is your writing style. The story became a bit of a drag and i found myself daydreaming pretty soon
.
Work on this. You have potential and you show promise!
Author's Response: Thanks, wendelin! I do have trouble mincing words and agree that improvement in that field is a priority for me. I never realized how much I was influenced by the Victorian novels I enjoyed as a kid until I started writing oneshots and had trouble keeping the wordcount down. ;)
I really appreciate constructive criticism, and this is probably the most constructive review I've had so far. So thank you so much for your input!
An excellent read. I actually enjoyed it. Ok i will review it like this for you what i liked- your general story plotline etc was good. Did not believe harry and luna was possible till i read your fic what i did not like- your sentence formation and construction. It needs to be worked upon but still it was a worthwile read. Keep up the good work!
An excellent job! I enjoyed almost every aspect of it.
Your general writing style and your plot is good and your story is light and fluffly as i like it but there is one mistake. You seem to use Jackie too many times instead of using pronouns and it makes the fic seem a little awkward. That's ok though and i really love this story of yours. Good job!
Author's Response: thanks! i'll work on that pronoun thing, but as to the fluffiness-that'll be there for awhile!
Wow. What a cute story. I never really thought that I would ever read a rare pair story and much less review it but here I am now. This story should have a professors rating you know.
Ok, I'll start off with how much I adored your story, a wonderful job indeed. But as always, I have to leave behind some constructive criticism.
1) Nobody was paying any attention to Snape as he lectured the students on the history of a random, no-one-cares potion.
This line was hilarious but it would sound much better if it was a no-one-cares-about potion.
Snape cocked an eyebrow as he simply watched Ronald Weasley thwop to the ground.
I am so ignorant but for the sake of expanding my vocabulary, I was wondering what thwop means?
3)Just then, the bell rang, signaling the end of class. Ron grabbed his book bag and followed Pansy out of class, heading to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Ron came to the doorway leading into the classroom, and stopped. Pansy would be in this class. Ron licked his hand and tried to flatten his messy hair, and then walked to his table. He looked around the almost empty classroom and spotted the Queen of Slytherin talking to her gang of girls.
Now, Pansy's description as the Queen of the Slytherins seems most fitting but what threw me off a bit was the number of times you used 'Ron' here. For the sake of improving the flow, I would suggest using pronouns like 'he' instead.
"50 points from Gryffindor!"
Generally the format is to never use numbers when writing a story so I would suggest using fifty instead of 50.
All these are just minor nitpicks but I loved your overall story.
Good job!
a lovely story though it will take a long time to finish writing it! But i really love this story because it stands out from everyone elses.Your writing style is excellent, your story has flow and you have a very good description skill and can describe the character perfectly. There were one or two commas i think but overall a good effort.Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thanks I appreicate the review. I know the story is going to take a long time to finish, but I enjoy it so I will keep it up.
a lovely story though it will take a long time to finish writing it! But i really love this story because it stands out from everyone elses.Your writing style is excellent, your story has flow and you have a very good description skill and can describe the character perfectly. There were one or two commas i think but overall a good effort.Keep writing!
Finalist on the One-Shot Ancestry Monologue Challenge
I do not know any Spanish at all and when i saw your fic i was like... ok this is unusual but then i read it and what did i find? read on below (i like to keep people in suspense).. Your descriptions are really well done and you managed to convey the atmosphere in Valencia beautifully though i do not know where that is. I have to agree with ladyalesha, what was the spell on the locket? Also you could add a bit more action to speed things up a bit! But overall an excellent peice of writing!
Author's Response: Valencia is actually a coastal city in Spain. :) -- Hmmm... guess I still haven't fully fixed that description of that locket spell ...
I know what you mean ... but I still haven't figured out how to speed up the pace when using 1st person POV - especially when dialogues were avoided (because it was written for a Monologue Challenge)
Wow! I absolutely loved this fic. But for one thing, it is really these types of fics which are the hardest to review. I mean a bad fic you can offer plenty of critique but with a good fic?
Anyway,I absolutely loved this story.
Especially
Vampires, love, and Amazonian purification rituals, father will love it."
I liked this line a lot. It sort of reflects on the whole story don't you think? And somehow it makes a perfect ending as well.
But a part of Luna seemed OOC like here-
Then I'd just run down the hall and snog you thoroughly
I doubt Luna would use a word like 'snog' in that sense.
But on the other hand I loved Harry's penname as keeper of the snogs.
Brilliant job! Amazingly done!
I so liked this story.
I would love to give you loads and loads of constructive criticism and nitpicking but this story is impossible to criticise! It has all the right elements and is exactly the perfect blend between humour, darkness and romance.
But best of all was the fact that everyone especially Molly were in character.
The vivid description in the story is good too, especially of emotions.
A fantastic job! Well done!
Ok, I'll have to leave for school right now so please forgive me for leaving only a short review.
I'll just be highlighting what were the best parts of your story and of course, you'll be receiving a little critique.
First of all, I love the use of the quidditch metaphor. It somehow makes this story real powerful.
And the missing moments from the books were excellent too.
I loved the ending! Couldn't have been better.
This is truly a fantastic story. No wonder everybody loves it!
Author's Response: Thanks. :) Always did thought that there\'s something poetic about making the ending reflect upon the beginning or something :) - puts symmetry into it somehow.
When I first read your fic, I wondered- what could I possibly say? Each line was so powerful and significant. Nothing superfluous and it was a unique story written extremely uniquely.
But the highlight of this fan fic was definitely the vivid imagery you used.
Sirius is alive once more, prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine left behind in the foaming surf.
In that life he had been Sirius Black; now he was only prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine.
This was such a powerful line. It really gives the reader the strong impression of how he has been stripped of his identity and has become just a number now. It was beautiful. Much praise.
He sits on the pallet in his cold cell, watching at the light through his small window turns darker as the sun sets. He remembers that somewhere, far from here and years ago, that same sun had set on him and his friends that last day before James’ marriage. The last day they had still been the Marauders
Now here, I actually felt a sob in my throat. His reflections have such power and the word choice is excellent. In this paragraph especially, the power of description is used so well. Once again, I observe that this whole piece flows really well with not a single awkward pause.
You have surprisingly kept Sirius in character during his stay in Azkaban. Most authors have difficulty in doing that. In some other fics I have read, Sirius is portrayed as a madman in Azkaban but what you have written is exactly how I imagined him to be. Also, I like the setting. Not many people write about when Sirius is in Azkaban and how he escapes so your story is certainly one of a kind. Again here, the descriptions are very powerful.
2143119921431199214311992143119921431199214311992143119921431199
And the way the number keeps repeating itself in his head showed his level of obsession with it. Brilliantly done!
Now in your entire fic I found only one very small flaw and some people would say that this was the extent of nitpickiness. Here it is-
The feeling of being unable to breath as he realized that his best friend would never be with him again. The feeling of being unable to breath as he realized that his best friend would never be with him again.
Shouldn't that be breathe with the e?
Overall, I must say it was a very pleasant read. Your story quite drew me in. Normally, I wouldn't read these types of fics but yours was extremely intriguing. And the summary really pulled me in! A brilliantly written piece! Keep up the excellent work!
An excellent job Midnight tragedy! By the way you know me as thorn on the forums. I am really happy with your work. I like your characterisation and the way you potray emotions. It is perfect. You can actually make a reader feel what your characters are going through and this is one of your strongest points. Your general writing style is also excellent and you have a very interesting choice of words. A little more plot would have made the story very exciting. Good job anyway! I am looking forward to your next story (I can beta for you if you want).
Author's Response: A little more plot eh? Well I'm woorking on a chaptered fic right now that might have a little too much plot, I have no idea how I'm fitting everything I want in! Once I finish the first few chapters I'd be glad for you to beta it though if you want. Thankyou for the review and encouragement.
A very good job I must say. It held suspense and yet was apparant till the end. Halfway through the story I kept thinking she was supposed to kill Draco and then only somewhere near the 3/4 part did I figure out it was Lucius.
However, I don't get why they were sleeping in a crumbly, old shack., Were they on the run or something?
Your sentence construction along with the grammer and the other technical parts of your story are very good. A good plot and excellent flow makes this fic an absolutely delightful read. I am sure the hufflepuffs must be very proud of you.
Overall, I must say a very good job. I am looking forward to more of your works.
May your sword always be pointy and held high - thorn aka wendelin the wierd
Author's Response: Thank you! :) Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
They were in a shack, yes, because they were on the run. They can\'t exactly stay in Malfoy Manor anymore, can they? ;)
*bows down to the lord of compliments* That\'s one of the best things anyone\'s told me in a review so far! Thank you!
May your sword always stay pointed away from me! *giggles* - TF aka bittersweet_lullaby
Just when I thought I was bored, had read all the cliches there was to be read I crossed this and frankly, I was taken aback!
It was like a breath of fresh air after reading the same type of stores over and over. Pure genius! I liked how this was from the traitor's point of view. Sure I have read many Death Eater fanfics but none from the point of view of Peter which is one of the elements of this story which make it so special. After all, he must have had courage of some kind if he was sorted into Gryffindor. The hat must have seen something in him.
There are many different types of courage and being weak is oe. I know that is a paradox but when you stop to think about it, it actually makes sense. I mean it would defintely have not been easy to bear what others thought of him. That in itself is one kind of courage. Your work brings out all this in a very different way.
I feel really sorry for Peter in a way. Your story invokes this in a reader, a quality which other authors (like myself) strive to possess. He would have felt more terrified than usual after the return of the Dark Lord and as dory_the_fishie stated this gives a perfect setting to your story. Makes it all the more chilling.
And of course the resurrection part was pretty good too.
The other good thing about your story were the minor details like how he likes hot water because it reminds him of the warmth of courage, something he thinks he will never have.
Details like these are often what make a story so interesting. Overall, good job. I too wish I had bet on this.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I guess its pretty good you would have bet on this, considering you had an entry as well...
I am happy you liked my story. Hope to compet against you in furthur challanges!
Avenger
P.S.-I liked your entry as well.