An excellent story! I have seen very few fics featuring Hannah before. I really like the fact that you view her as an optimist. You can grasp emotions very well and are one of those writers who can actually make a reader feel the story.However a little problem with characterisation in my opinion. Harry is not the type (as potrayed in books) to as such worry about anything. He goes and straight away does his thing. Other than that minuscule fact, everything else was absolutely lovely good show! (hope you win) wendelin the wierd aka thorn

Author's Response: Thanks for that lovely review. I\'m truly flattered. As for Harry, I did hesitate a bit at making him the \"worried and depressed\" that was needed, but I went ahead with it. Thamks so much for reviewing!

A lovely story. H.M.S recherche. You know me as thorn.
Now just some very very minor nitpicky stuff.

1) She giggled as she lay down once more and closed her eyes. “Apparently I wasn’t in love with Crookshanks after all,” she murmured. “I just wanted Grangers cat treats.”

Everything is very strange today,” she observed, as she stood up and sighed to herself.

As you can see one is a speech and one is a thought but it would be better if quotation marks aren't used for thoughts.

2)it quickly stuffed Witch Weekly into her bag and rolled her eyes to Lavender, who grinned.

“Tell me, do you add Death-Cap mushrooms to the Draught of Sleep, or do you not?” he sneered.

I am not sure if to should be used there. The sentence construction would be better if you said she rolled her eyes at Snape
Well that is all for now I guess, oh wait!

1)I must be going insane.” She thought. “They might kick me out of Hogwarts for this. I have the strange feeling that they don’t like insane cats.”

This was an extremely funny line and it adds a wonderful touch of humour to the story. Good Job!

I liked this fic a lot. Romance among cats, who would have thought. I would like to see more of your work, Well done.
Pointless PS- Gryffindor rocks, doesn't it?


Author's Response: Thanks for a beutiful review, Thorn!

Author's Response: Thanks for a beutiful review, Thorn!

Sorry, my previous review got cut off because I hit enter by mistake-

An excellent story, Gemma! I really like Bellatrix fics. Beautiful and deadly. I am thorn.

Things I liked-
1) Fact that it is written from Bella's POV
2) Flow of the story.
3) Your lovely descriptions especially on appearances and emotions.
4) Flow. I also like the way Bella admires the mark. Say, is this a Bella/Voldie story?
However, I do not think Death Eaters will mind demeantors that much. That might just be me though.

Overall, I must say excellent work! Well done!

Author's Response: Aw, Thorn I just love your reviews! You\'re too kind. A Bella/Voldie story? I dunno, maybe Bella does have a crush on Voldie, but I don\'t think Voldie would ever be able to fall in love. I see your point about dementors, but I think that they effect everyone. Seeing how the dementors used to be on Voldie\'s side, then maybe the Death Eaters don\'t mind them much. Thanks so much!

This is not a review I am afraid. I am busy right now. I just wanted to remind you to include your house in the summary.

Author's Response: Thank you. I have added the information in my summary. In the future, since this was not a review, perhaps it would be more appropriate to send an email to an author who, like I did, may have omitted something important in a summary. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to point that out.

Wow! I liked it. A rather twisted parody of all the normal clichés. This is just the second humour fic I have reviewed. I am usually into dark fics and prefer dark romance. However, I really liked a few which made fun of all the clichés.


You fic has taken it's place among those few.


Did you write the beginning yourself? That poem? Because I really liked it. It's got good rhythm and serves as a very nice introduction to the story ahead.

Now, let me start with all the basic issues of this story.

First of all the angsty Harry part did wonders. It was hilarious, especially-

“I WANT SAUSAGES!” he told everyone in the Great Hall. He climbed up onto the wooden bench. “WHY ARE THERE NO SAUSAGES? I FIGHT VOLDEMORT, WHO YOU ARE ALL SO SCARED OF, SO WHY CAN’T I GET THE BREAKFAST OPTIONS I WANT? I AM SO ANGRY!”

And of course,

“NO I’M NOT!” Harry then stood up on his seat. “I AM VERY ANGSTY RIGHT NOW SO PLEASE DON’T INSULT ME! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF VOLDEMORT TRIED TO KILL YOU EVERY FIVE MINUTES?”

Ron wasn’t listening because he was busy snogging Hermione.


That part actually made me laugh out loud. It's portrayed very well, and believe me, the number of times I have read angsty Harry.

Good use of the Mary-Sue's as well. They are really cliché' though what I liked best here was their names. You really chose very sparklypoo names.


You used the masquerade cliché well too. But funnily enough one of my favourite stories is centered around it. However, it is often badly written. I liked the part where Ron states how overused it is. I couldn't agree with him more.

Now for a bit of concrit,

I didn't understand one part. In the beginning and the end of the story it's Ron/Hermione all the way but then somewhere in the middle it was Draco/Hermione? That was a tad bit confusing. I would suggest using Draco/Hermione in one chapter and Ron/Hermione in one chapter.

Well, that's all for now. This was a rather pleasant read and I hope to see a lot more from you! Good luck.


Author's Response: Ooh! Such a long review! I love long reviews. I really appreciate all the concrit. Well, I guess it\'s true I should have had the Hermione ships in seperate chapters, but it was meant to be stupid and I can\'t really go back and change it. :) But thank you so much and I\'m happy that you actually enjoyed humour!

Hey Megan!

Let me start off by saying how much I appreciate your house unity. This short poem really reflects on your house spirit as well as that of the characters. Gryffindor is proud to have a brave lion like you.

I think you captured the mood this challenge was trying to convey perfectly. This whole poem in fact has this questioning sort of air, as if asking the reader ifhe is brave enough and yet you manage to keep it non-aggressive. The words you use although simple are beautifully chosen and help the poem to really flow.

Now I shall proceed to give you line by line critique or rather two lines by two lines critique-

To enter a world that you barely know:
Are you brave enough?

I love the way you describe their entry to Hogwarts. Almost every child goes through this on their first day of school so it really pulls in a reader and helps the reader relate to these lines. Out of the trio I think it describes Harry the best since Ron and Hermione have both been in touch with magic before but Harry has never come in contact with it. Another angle of looking at it is Harry’s entrance to the magical world. Which did you mean? It must have been strange to be suddenly thrust into a new world like that and learn so many new things you have never learnt before.

To make friends with him or her:
Are you brave enough?

I am guessing this is the first time Harry and Ron meet because we know in cannon that Harry and Hermione met much later on. So I am confused who the ‘her’ in ‘him or her’ is? Is it Hermione? On the other hand if you were speaking in general I think that there must be many canon instances where this would fit. On the other hand, the insecurities that come along with making a new friend is really powerful here. Well done!

To face your fears and help a friend:
Are you brave enough?

These are such powerful lines and I can think of so many moments in cannon that are perfectly suited for this. The mountain troll in first year…the fire…Ron and his spiders…the list goes on and on. I really love the rhythmic beat and feel there is to this whole poem. The lines all have a fixed number of syllables in the beginning.

To stand by him in times of doubt:
Are you brave enough?

To stay together through troubled times:
Are you brave enough?

To stay together through troubled times:
Are you brave enough?

Is it just me or do these describe the time in ‘The Chamber of Secrets’ when everyone thinks that Harry is the heir of Slytherin? Anyway, to me this is what truly reflects the Gryffindor spirit. So yes, these lines definitely conveyed the most in the whole poem. It definitely takes courage to stand by someone when they are being humiliated or spoken against. And to take the plunge shows daring and the recklessness that we Gryffies often show and definitely an important quality. I should think that you have included that rather well to capture just the right feel in this poem.


To fight the creatures of fear:
Are you brave enough?


To confront the dark unknown:
Are you brave enough?

These lines did mange to show strong emotions but here the rhythm was off. Maybe if it had the same beat as the rest of the poem? Also, combining the two paragraphs seems like a good idea here. You should get something like this-

To fight the creatures of dark unknown
Are you brave enough?

It holds the same meaning as the above four lines and yet gives rhythm to the poem.

To remain united and together until the end:
Are you brave enough?

What a perfect ending to this lovely poem! It raises the most important question of all, that of unity and undying loyalty.

Overall, I must say that this whole poem was nicely written (even if it could use some improvements in flow) and for a first-time poetry author it was a very good job. Well done!


Author's Response: Hey, Wendelin. First off, thank you for the beginning compliment; I do love this House so much! And secondly, wow, what a lengthy review! Yay!

Thanks so much for all the comments and critiquing, Wendelin. Considering this was my first fan fiction poem, it really helps in lending some insight on how to improve in future endeavours.

I did, purposefully, keep a lot of lines very vague, but you were definitely right in picking up the allusion to the Chamber of Secrets storyline. The entire poem was thought up in thinking about Harry, mostly, and those lines were focussed on the adventures of the trio in CoS.

They rhythm was, actually, entirely unintentional, but I, now, see what you mean in how those few lines don\'t flow as well as the rest of the poem. I appreciate your pointing it out to me.

And the ending. I\'m very glad you liked it, as it\'s definitely my favourite part of all of this (short) poem. It\'s an indefinite stretch that can span anything and everything, and really hits on the trio and their feelings in the last two books. (As a matter of fact, those two lines came in before anything else, other than the repetitiveness of \"Are you brave enough?\")

Once again, thank you so much for the wonderful review. Considering how much I admire your own work, it means a lot.

~Megan

I absolutely loved this fic, the imagery is so powerful and the myths you included weave an air of magic. You have clearly done extensive research and incorporating it in a fic is certainly not an easy job.

Bill as a curse-breaker, I don’t believe I have seen any of this before. But I really haven’t though much about his job; it’s amazing that you have done so much with such an unexplored area of fandom. You also describe the desert and camel rides perfectly, exactly like I imagined them.

So you thought, maybe they were marking the place, where a tomb is buried in the desert? Just like that?” Bill asked sarcastically. He couldn’t help himself; the professor always had this effect on him. Whenever he was around, Bill felt as if he was merely a naughty schoolboy, trying to play an adult’s game. The professor didn’t take him seriously. Not once had he listened to one of Bill’s suggestions, only accepting them as good and worth a shot when Mustafa repeated them.

In this paragraph, I can see the tension between them. It also shows Bill’s character perfectly, an independent, strong-willed man who doesn’t like being talked down to. This whole paragraph flowed really well for me.

Down here in Egypt Muggles and wizards were working together closely when it came to excavations

I like the fact that Muggles didn’t know that they were working with wizards. However, this sentence doesn’t flow too well. It seems to be missing a comma after Egypt.


Oh Nephthys, it’s terrible,” she wailed.

Nephthys, her arms still around the distraught woman, rubbed her back soothingly. “Shh, sister. Everything will work out. You have found your husband’s body and brought it back, Thoth will do the rest. It’s out of your hands now.”

I had a tiny problem here, isn’t Isis the goddess of healing? Wouldn’t she have been able to cure her husband had all the pieces been found? This paragraph just didn’t tie in with the myth even if it is well-written

Overall, you did a very nice job with the whole fic. It had the perfect ending and the perfect start. Except for a few grammatical mistakes, I really enjoyed this and would love to see more from you!


Author's Response: Wendelin, thanks a lot for your review. As to your questions: It\'s part of the myth of Osiris and Isis that she couldn\'t heal him and Thoth had to perform the Ritual of Life on him, that\'s not something I invented. I think this is because while she may be the goddess of healing, Osiria was dead and not injured. Even the best healer can\'t cure death, not even a goddess. I hope that made sense. *hugs*

I must admit, what first drew me in to your fic was the title. It holds a certain air of mystery and made me feel that I had to read this fic! Anyway, were you having plot bunnies for dinner that night?

Your fic was definitely touching and throughout the whole thing I could strongly feel the regret you were trying to show. Especially in the last few paragraphs. Moody’s devotion to his daughter was heartbreaking as well, it was written really powerfully.

You have captured Alastor Moody’s emotions perfectly. Andrew seems to be a well-rounded character as well, but what bothered me was the characterisation of Emilia, she seems to be a lot like Alice Longbottom. Maybe you should stress on her defining characteristics more?

As mentioned before, you have written this whole fic very powerfully, especially-

And always remember Emilia. Your daughter, your beautiful, kind, loving, independent daughter, who taught you this lesson. Even the most stubborn of us will eventually break...we need to learn to fight it off. Constant vigilance!

These lines were written in an almost poetic style. They held so much meaning and were so beautiful…It really gives a new twist to ‘constant vigilance’ and why Moody is so fanatical about it. To me, this was by far the best paragraph in the whole fic.

"I'll tell her to do her chores and she'll never pout again..."



Moody put his face in his hands then suddenly looked up, "Will I ever tell her to do her chores again?"

This shows how he treasures even the day-to-day activities with her. It has a really profound effect on the reader. You can almost feel Moody’s loss here.

Now, I have a series of grammar nitpicks which have been bothering me-

Mad-Eye Moody sat on the couch in front of the television watching wizarding tv. Surfing the news channels for a familiar face. Never admitting to himself it was actually only one face he was looking for.

Nothing. Nothing. And, again. Nothing.

You have one broken up paragraph here. Each sentence runs into the next but it seems to be pushed back by the periods. Also, T.V is always capitalised. This paragraph just seems to be a bit awkwardly phrased. My suggestion would be to make it-

Mad-Eye Moody sat on the couch in front of the television watching wizarding T.V, surfing the news channels for a familiar face, never admitting to himself it was actually only one face he was looking for.

Nothing, nothing and again nothing.

Moody was beginning to get impatient with his friend, who continued to drone on about the girl and her present condition, and spat, "Can you just take me to where she is?"

You seem to have a few recurrent dialogue errors running throughout the fic. However, they can be put right very easily. Just remember, when the word ‘said is used a comma is generally put towards the end of the previous dialogue. Example-

‘I don’t have it,’ he said.

But when you have a sentence before the dialogue you always end with a period because the person is doing something and not saying it. I just wanted to clarify this for you, forgive me for being extremely nitpicky.

Overall, aside from all my grammar nitpicks; I must say that I enjoyed this fic. It really choked me up and I would love to see more of your work soon. Even though I offered constructive criticism, I liked this fic. I really do and the underlying message beneath the whole thing is just beautiful.







Author's Response: Thanks a ton for the review, Wendelin. I don\'t mind the grammar hit picks. I heart them. :) Thanks for the dialogue advice. I\'ll be sure to watch out for those next time. <3, Polaris

Alright, my HTML got messed up in the last one.

Let me warn you that this is the first werewolf poem I have read so please bear with my ignoble rants. I would like to start off by saying how much I loved your description of the werewolves; cute and cuddly on the outside but ferocious and savage on the inside. Actually, I can’t imagine werewolves as being cute and cuddly so this part actually made me giggle. Now, I shall proceed to dissect this poem.

His fur is fresh and faintly grey
those eyes are like a summer’s day
but deadly wolves will rip you right apart.
Don’t call him down for dinner;
likely you will be thinner,
after he knocks you down and eats your heart.

The way you have described a werewolf in the beginning of the paragraph is wonderful. They seem so clean and fresh. The simile used there is very effective. By saying that the eyes are like a summer day, the reader gets the impression of cheerfulness and innocence. However, I would suggest removing the ‘right’ in the third line; it doesn’t contribute to the imagery and disturbs the rhythm of the poem. The third, fourth and fifth lines are perfectly balanced.

Those claws beneath those cuddly paws,
those sharpened teeth in gaping jaws,
they’ll tear the paint right off your flawless home.

There is a problem with the third line in this stanza as well. Again, I think that flawless can be removed. Here it does give a strong impression to the reader but it disturbs the rhythm. So now you have to ask yourself, do you want rhythm or imagery?

“Hey, Prongs, dinner at your house tonight?”
“Er, sorry, Moony, but it’s a full moon and—“
“Come on, it will be like the old days.”
“Sorry, I have to set my alarm clock. I got to go.”
“…Prongs?”

I like how you reflect Remus’ character and it links the whole poem about the werewolf to cannon. However, I don’t think that James’ would ever reject Remus like that. James never cared that Remus was a werewolf and would never have rejected him for it, no matter how dangerous it proved to be. So, you have a slight characterisation error there.

Overall, I found your poem to be quite expressive; it conveyed the right amount of emotions to the reader. Both regret and humour were reflected throughout the poem. You manage to get your point across even with a simple word choice. A nice job indeed.