Good first chapter. I think you should have mentioned how he got the diary- the summary was more of a prologue. Still I like what you've got here. Its excellent. I think you need to bring up the writing to a little more of a stand-out level, if you know what I mean, but that should improve with time. Great job. This story has so much potential, and I'm looking foward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: thank you, your review is very inspiring! I'm writing chapter two now, and i hope it'll meet your expectations

Wow, that was excellent. It was just beautiful! I'm wondering if you read any coverage of the Hurricane Katrina situation in New Orleans. Though I live far far away from Lousiana, I was really interested in learning about the hurricane. From what I know about it, your poem seemed to be exactly what New Orleans was like after Katrina. I thought the line, "dogs left to die" really stood out. Not only did it give me connection to the hurricane, it made me think of if I could leave my dog in such a horrible situation as the one you described. Excellent! I don't read much poetry, but I can tell this is a great piece of writing!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! I actually wrote this for an English assignment on the book 'Children of the Dust,' in which there is a nuclear war and humans are almost wiped out. Now that you mention it, it does portray the Katrina tragedy - freaky!! I am really glad that you enjoyed my poem, it's such a good feeling to know that someone likes what you wrote... Thanks again, Lilly

Ok, this one was much much better. You asked for constructive crit and I'll try to give it, but they'res not much to crit. I liked Lily and her friends- they were funny and relaxed. They seemed to flow completely. However, the Marauders still seemed very very stiff. I think you should try to give the flow you give to Lily and her friends to James and his friends. It may be hard, and I have a feeling I know why you are more comfortable with writing girls than boys, but just put that flow into the boys, make it a little more arrogant, and you will be fine. I really liked this one!

Author's Response: Cheers. I guess, as you say, I am more comfortable writing for girls probably because I am a girl and it's hard to try and get inside a boy's mind and especially the Marauders as we know so little about them. I'll have a look through what I've written, I have to say I've probably given them more of a sensitive side because I thought that, as with a lot of people, aroogance is a bit of a front to mask true feelings if you know what I mean. Thanks again and keep reading :)

Why is this in Marauder Era? Did you submit it under marauder, or did it somehow accidently end up in Marauder instead of General by a modding error? It needs to be moved, because its really misleading to readers who want to read Marauder Era. Sorry, but its got to be moved.

Wow, this is great. I've never read much with your OC Maeve except for the one about Snape being in prison, and I really like the approach you have here. 10/10 definitely!

Author's Response: Thanks, Lilypudding. :-) You should go read DoL and SS. ;-)

Amazing... that was absolutely amazing. I'm not sure if you noticed the entire last part was in italics (just in case you don't know, to cut the italics after the letter use the tag ) but other than that I loved it. I wasn't sure who died first- Tom's mother or his father- and I noticed that Hagrid wasn't in Tom's year- but otherwise, it was perfect! I don't know what I can say. I loved it! It was just the perfect balence of emotions and reality. All I can say is "amazing!"

Author's Response: Thanks! You're right about the italics, I forgot to cut it out. Also, I'm pretty sure I said that Tom Sr. died before Merope, but maybe I forgot that too. And Hagrid is in a different year, seeing as Tom opened up the Chamber in his sixth year, and Hagrid was expelled in his third. But thanks for the review! If you have any stories, I'll stop by.

I like the approach of Lily not having a true friend or anyone really knowing her. However, wasn't she popular? Is she everyone likes her popular or has a lotta friends popular? I think it adds more mystique to her character- she seems A LOT like Hermione and I like that. 10/10.

Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, I know Lily was popular, and it KILLS me to go against anything cannon, but things get better. I never compared her to Hermione, but it works! Thanks again for the review, love them!

Good job, this is a short yet very powerful one-shot. I really liked how you characterized James and the other Marauders. Judging from this story, you write the Marauders excellently. I found Lily very different from the usual fanfic Lily- less dramatic and over analysical, if thats even a word. Although at first the change in your Lily vrs. most other fanfic Lilys sort of put me off, I decided I really didn't mind because the story was so well written! 10/10!

Author's Response: hey, thanks for the review, I'm really glad that you liked it!! I'm glad that you like the way I characterised the Marauders, and as for Lily, well, i have always had different views on her as compared to most of the other writers on here, judging on evidence I found in the books. I'm sorry that you didn't seem to like that, but it can't be helped. I'm glad that you liked it overall, thanks for the ten!!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was very long, but still a joy to read. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. "Life will be a spiral staircase, a steep one with no rails." I really liked that metaphor, and found it really related to life. I found that poem beautiful. 10/10, definitely.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I'm glad someone bothered to read it...sorry about the length...but I was recently reading some Time and National Review articles about the war in Israel and I said, "Hell, I can make good stuff out of this." Thanks once again for the review.

Wow! This is a really amazing and powerful, reflective work. Both amazingly poetic and stunningly metaphoric, this wonderful one-shot is both insightful and cleverly written. While it is a very unique peice of work with a very different subject matter, I really like this reflective monologue. This one-shot is amazingly powerful.



I really loved the clever, hidden metaphors and symbolism that you used to really give this work life. The constant mentioning of garden is really brilliant symbolism. It reminds me of the garden of Eden, and this simple allusion to the tale of Adam and Eve, a tale everyone knows, really gives your work life. While the symbolism of the thistle isn't as obvious, a quick dictionary.com search of the word "thistle" yeilded that it was a Hebrew word, further moving the Bibilical symbolism.



The vision of the girl at the lake is quite a stunning sight. I'm not quite sure why Mrs. Black keeps seeing this peaceful, serene dream or vision, though. I think you should try to make that more clear. While it is obvious she is Mrs. Black, I was a little confused for a bit and wondered if it was a memory or another painting of Mrs. Black. While I finally came to the conclusion it is a memory, maybe you could add what really happened on that day. However, really, it is up to you. The fact you never quite explained it gave this story a multi-faced ending and a lot of suspense.



This really is a great peice of writing. You show a lot of promise with the pen and I'm really looking foward to reading your further works. Amazing fic, and keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Wow! This is an amazing review you left. It\'s long and meaningful, and I can\'t thank you enough for that. Hmm, I really didn\'t know that about thistle, so it was quite an accidental symbolism. First, I was going to use a dandelion, but that would have felt a bit weird, I think. I just needed something to represent Sirius - strong, rough, edgy, but a good person once you got to know him (thistles bloom, and then they are rather pretty; but if you don\'t know that they bloom, you might find them harsh and ugly). The girl in the meadow was indeed a memory, and it was there mostly to show that at one point in her life, Mrs. Black had been happy. At one point life had been easier, and she hadn\'t been a failure. Hmm, the more I think about it, the more I start to feel sorry for Mrs. Black. I don\'t approve her way of life, but I sort of understand her.