This is good poetry, here. You took a risk to write this poem using the rythem and short phrases you used. When I first read the summary, I was sure it was Draco's account of the bouncing ferret incident. I was pleasently surprised to see how serious and reflective it was, for such a quick poem. I must admit, I really enjoyed the rythem. As I read, my head started bouncing back and forth to the beat. This poem really captured my attention, in a very good way. Excellent job.

This was an OK poem, but I think its sort of forced. I really liked the idea, and the idea "a crushie's galore" but the ryhme was really pushed. I also liked the metaphorical "boy next door." However, the ryhme scheme was definitely very pushed. For example, in the stanza, "He's no random, Access memory, It's the real thing; he's made just for me." Its really really forced. I don't know what the access memory is, and it makes no sense. Is it a metaphorical phrase or an attempt to make things rhyme? And does the boy next door just walk up and kiss her on the cheek randomly? Also, in the second stanza, you put "she quizzes us all" and something about "we." Who's we? I got the impression Parvati was alone from the rest of the poem. I think it should delve deeper into Lavander and Parvati's feelings. I liked the ending, though. It was almost lyrical. I think your a good poet, but you should explore different types of poetry, especially non-rhyming poetry, and other types with more expression of feelings. I really hope this review doesn't come off very strong, but I think this poem could be excellent with some editing and cropping.

Author's Response: Lol, sorry Lily for disappointing you! You caught me out; I wrote this poem/song for a friend and it's about her. Yes, I was forced into it. Oh well... About the different types of poems, I have more than fifty poems and I randomly selected this one to put up here. MN has very slow validations, that's why I only have three poems uploaded to this site. This was more of a personal poem and that's why somethings don't make sense, they're about my friend. I wanted to see how it would fend on a Harry Potter site. Too bad I didn't pull it off. If you do want to read more of my poems, and hopefully review too, you can check out my author's page on The Daniel Radcliffe Library. The link is http://www.danradcliffelibrary.net/thelibrary/viewuser.php?uid=24 I have around 47 poems up there. I really look forward to your reviews; you're quite a good reviewer and aren't afraid of expressing your opinion which I need as an amateur poet. Be as honest as you like. Thanks in advance!

First and foremost, this is an excellent poem. The rhyme scheme is very interesting. I'm not sure if I really liked the sheme you used, "AABC" "DDEF" very much, but it was a good poem. The one thing I noticed was the rythem (Ah, I can't spell!) was a tiny bit off. I know to write poems with a set rhyme scheme is difficult (that's why I don't write set poems) However, you generally want the rhyming line to have a similar look and feel to the line previous to it, which it rhymes with. In parts, that seemed off. Besides that, I liked this poem. My favorite line would have to be "Bidding goodbye to the starry net." I really liked the figurative language used in that line. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks :) I admit that I\'m not the best poet in the world, and I generally don\'t think of the rhythm when I begin to write... but thanks for being kind with your constructive critisizm, a lot of people generally aren\'t.

I like this story a lot ;). I was thinking about writing a story for the challenge, but I couldn't think of an idea. This was a very clever idea, first of all. I work for my school paper, and recently we had a talk about the leads. I think you had a great lead, first and foremost. It really drew me in, because it was like reading the paper. However, I think that there were too many big, long paragraphs in the story. Most newspaper articles consist of big long paragraphs, bursting with information, framed with smaller paragraphs easier on the eyes. I suggest, for example, in the first paragraph, you throw on a closing sentence after mentioned SPEW, and then providing a detailed back story. I like how you gave a lot of information. Should this have been a real article, it would have been obvious how much research you have done. Instead, I can see you used the greatest research of all- imagination.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I kind of like to write big paragraphs though... dont knopw why. Thanks a ton... ~aveger~

Great poem! Your sophisticated knowledge of the English language is evident in this poem. I really don't know what to say, but great poem! I'll tell you more when I turn around in my chair to talk to you in approximately two seconds! 'Till then, my awesome twin sister, congradulations on writing poetry A LOT better than I do!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~Lexi~

I like this story so far. Its a great first fic, much better than my own first... anyway, I'm going to try to give you your first constructive review. First of all, the summary. You should really try to be more clear about the story in the summary, and act like you definitely know the story's starting and stopping points. Putting "This story starts in their seventh year and goes till..." doesn't really show professionalism (how do you spell that?) You had a good first summary, but you need to strive to sound professional in there, to get the attention of L/J readers who read other stories by more seasoned authors. I really liked the story though. I liked how you had all those letters; it really showed an important aspect of the wizarding world- mail. I think you need to be the tiniest bit more blunt about Lily's feelings. When she found out James was Head Boy, she should have been angry. I think you need to portray how much Lily hates James better. If I read this and no other HP books, I would say that I thought Lily and James were aquaintances, not enemies. Also, when Lily was thinking, "What is wrong with me... does he not think I'm beautiful?" I think the wording was kind of awkward. A better wording would be something along the lines of "Does he think I'm not beautiful..." or something like that. I think Remus wouldn't doubt that Lily hated James, as indicated by the quotation marks in the letter, and if he did he would probably try to convince Lily to like him. Remember, the Marauders were very loyal to each other. Oh, and does the loathe him stuff have to do with Wicked by any chance? I love that show so much, I've had the CD for about a year but I went to see it last week, and I'm still stunned... anyway, great fic! I'm giving you a 9/10 because the summary was sort of iffy by me (I'm really strict on summaries) but otherwise it was a great job. I like your work!

"It takes two, I thought one was enough, it's not true, it takes two of us!" This poem is an honor for a musical theatre fan to read. It captures Sondiem's spirit really well! The only thing I don't like about this poem is that it proves that you, my dear sister, write a damn lot better than I do! ~Lexi~

First of all, bravo on writing an excellent poem! You read a lot of poems about Fawkes, but none of them really have captured my attention like yours have. You have a flow with your language that really adds to this poem; your sophistication and rhymes make this poem great. Its obvious you are a person who knows the English language well and is very confidant with its usage. You're a great poet, and this peice shows your talent well.


The only thing I would suggest about this poem is to watch the capitilazation in the beginnings of the lines, as it had no set pattern. Because you followed such a simple, but nice pattern on this poem, that sort of caught my eye (ok, I'm nitpicky...)



I know when you respond to a review, you usually say "thanks for the review," but this time, I'm going to say "Thanks for the story, Vader!" It was a pleasure to read.

Author's Response:

Thanks very much, Lilypudding. You\'re far too kind. I really appreciate you taking the time to review and make some suggestion for improvement. Though, I must admit that anyone saying that I know the English language very well makes me laugh. Trust me, I never majored or concentrated on English during any part of my schooling. Anyway, thanks for the compliment.

I have to add to my last review, I'm so glad you recieved runner-up. Honestly, when I first saw the review, I was really mad you didn't win, but then again, there were a lot of entries for this challenge. You really deserved runner-up, congradulations! I knew this fic was great from the beggining! Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks for your kind words. I must admit that i was a little disapointed also, but as you said they were a lot of entries and the one that wome truly diserved it. Thanks for reading and reviewing! *hugs*

I love this chapter! I think you did the dialogue very well. The French accent was very good. I can really see where you're getting with Louise more clearly now. Her characterization is really shaping up, even though the cigarette still really bugs me. However, I think you should try to be more subtle about her being the dreadful woman she is. Remember, she is a Delacour, and God forbid anyone find her ugly or mean. Louise is a character focused on her image- and how she is viewed- both aestetically and tempermantally, and I think while it isn't unlike her to detest Molly, she should show her dislike in a more subtle way. Another suggestion I would add is to add the accent on the last thing she said in the chapter, about marriage. It is an extremely important quote, but you didn't accent any words or anything. In fact, it almost looked as if Molly was saying it. Otherwise, I really like this chapter. The ending was surprising, and extremely good. I can't wait for the next chapter. This story is going in my favorites, and I can't wait to see it progress!

Author's Response: Yay!!!! I'm in someones favorites!!!! Sorry again if the smoking bothers you, is just something I have. Yes, normally Louise wouldn't let her despise for Molly be seen so easily, but remember that this is not a normal situation. They're locked up and they're starting to lose their minds. I'll look at the last sentence and see what can be done. Thanks for the review!!! Chapter 3 is with my BETA :)