11/07/05
http://www.freewebs.com/lupinslover.htm
Hey, I'm Lilypudding AKA LongbottomsLady... I just started writing fanfic a few months ago, but I've been writing all my life!
I'm really sorry I had to delete "A Summer to Remember." I fell of the face of fanfiction Earth for nearly three months and once I rejoined, I had forgotton my plans for chapter two. I solemly swear never to attempt another chaptered story again and I am sticking to one shots. I am sorry for the pain it has caused any of my readers. The regret I put into deleting it is unmeasurable.
Series Status:
The World's A Stage for Lily and James: I'm updating that periodically; however, I'm only going to add a new story when natrual inspiration strikes. I'm thinking about songs from several shows, like RENT, Into the Woods, Guys and Dolls and maybe even Fiddler on the Roof.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: "I'll Cover You," a songfic to the song from RENT, is in a beta's hands as I type this. I'm hoping the nature of this song in the musical won't turn people off, as this fic completely focuses on Lily and James's wedding and has nothing to do with the homosexual relationship of Angel and Collins. "I'll Cover You" is a romantic song, and can fit many couples regardless of sexuality.
Stories Status:
Perfect for Each Other: Completed
How Did It Happen: One shot
Defying Gravity: One shot
A Mother's Love: One shot
Somewhere: One shot
Such Sweet Sorrow: One shot poem
Your Eyes: One shot poem
A Summer To Remember: WIP chaptered L/J
COMING SOON: I'll Cover You- One-shot L/J.
ABOUT ME:
I'm just a HP fan who is obsessed with musical theatre and dogs. I enjoy performing, even though I'm not very good at it, and my love of theatre is second only to my love of writing. I generally try to be a constructive reviewer - don't be insulted if I leave a long and not-so-positive review on your story, as I sometimes will, because my intent is to help. While I usually give long and guiding reviews on barely-reviewed stories, I'm not above the occasional "Great story!" review.
Ok, heres a banner for Defying Gravity, courtesy of Token from HPFF:
Banner by sayiansirius!
Well, I hoped you enjoy reading my bio and you enjoy my stories!
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Unforgotten Ties by Ravensgryff
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: When Molly Weasley loses her memory, is there any chance of recovering it? What will it take to bring Molly back? Written in response to the Molly Weasley one-shot challenge by Ravensgryff of Gryffindor House. (Only entering for participation points).
Date: 04/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot
I really liked this story. I've been busy with my contest entry, too, and I haven't really had time to read the competition, but this was good. I think its interesting how you told it from Mrs. Weasley's point of view, when the easier thing to do would make it from one of her children's. I also really enjoyed you italicized the names. It really was very good symbolism. 10/10, definitely. Great job.
Pencil by slave2harry
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A little ditty I wrote during reconciliation, read and enjoy.
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Pencil
This is a cute idea! It's sort of like JKR's lament. Who is this girl in question? I think this poem isn't exactly a high quality, sophisticated work, but it's very cute. I just want to point out- most authors use pens, and fanfic authors use keyboards! Anyway, great job! This story made me smile, and I can give you no higher praise than that!
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Pencil
This is a cute idea! It's sort of like JKR's lament. Who is this girl in question? I think this poem isn't exactly a high quality, sophisticated work, but it's very cute. I just want to point out- most authors use pens, and fanfic authors use keyboards! Anyway, great job! This story made me smile, and I can give you no higher praise than that!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! The girl in question is Ginny, and I enjoy writing in pencil better than in pen, I have no idea why.
Magical Home by Lasweetie
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This was an English assignment that told us to describe somewhere we felt at home. I chose Hogwarts. And I *sob* don't own Hogwarts or it's many students! I don't even claim to own the plot! I don't even own as much as a dust bunny under the bed or Parvati Patil! All I own are my dancing shoes and a severe jealousy of the woman who penned the greatest story on earth!
Date: 04/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Poem
This is such a cute poem! I can't believe you chose Hogwarts as a place where you feel at home. I'd never have the courage to hand this in! The first stanza was good, but the second stanza really hit home. My favorite line would be "And someone dreams she is safe,". I wonder who's dreaming that! Great poem!
Author's Response: Thank you! My teacher told us to ESPECIALLY choose somewhere from a book because she loves to read. Thank you for reviewing!
Burning Thoughts by Periwinkle
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Third person about a young prisinor in Azkaban. This perticular one is different from the rest, and she reflect on her decisions and current situation. Please review.
Date: 04/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Burning Thoughts
This is such a great poem! I really like your descriptions of the maiden. This poem told a story perfectly. It differs a lot from the poems you often see (and the ones I'm guilty of writing) describing love. This was a great poem!
Author's Response: Thank you! You don\'t know how much I appreciate your review. I\'m very happy that you enjoyed it! You can look for a new poem coming from me pretty soon! Thanks again!
He is the one by lovelessdove
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A poem expressing how Harry's life is after that fateful day
Date: 04/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: He is the one
I really like this poem! It's a great summary of what happens in the first four books in the Harry Potter series! Personally, I would really like to see an extra, second-to-last stanza about the events in Order of the Pheonix and Half Blood Prince, but that's just my opinion. I think there is a lot of room in this poem to add a stanza exploring Harry's personal feelings and his strengh in the face of loss and despair. I really like the last line, "He is the one." That really accurately sums up the entire Harry Potter series. Great poem!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I actually wanted to write about the fifth and sixth books but I wanted people who haven\'t read those books to enjoy a spoiler free poem. Thanks again for the review!
Dear Mrs. Potter... by DaisyMaeEvans
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Professor Granger deals with a pair of students who have inherited a knack for trouble...
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: One Shot
Cute story! It was a good idea, and you followed through with it well! Is this a one-shot, or will it be chaptered?
Author's Response: this one is a one-shot. I\'m glad you liked it-thanks so much for writing.
-Daisy
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Invictus
This is a really good story. I think it's a really original idea. You read a lot of stories where Lily is pregnant with Harry, but this idea is original. I think the story was absolutely great and error free, though the paragraph where James is babbling probably should have been split up into two or more paragraphs, as it currently isn't exactly easy on the eye. However, I really liked the nice twist where Harry could have been an older brother. At the same time, this story really saddens me that James and Lily never got to see their second child, and the baby never had a chance at life. Great job for a one-shot, though!
Priorities by mcclure_512
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: James Potter reflects over what's most important in his life in a poetic note to Lily. This poem was written for the Hufflepuff Covert Cupid activity on the forums, and is somewhat my first journey into romance.
Date: 04/28/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
This is a really great poem! I usually write long reviews, but other reviewers seem to have taken care of that, so I'm just going to say this is a very very good poem!
Date: 04/24/06 Title: None
This was a good story. I thought it would be annoying and fluffy, but it turned out really good. To be honest, I almost stopped reading halfway through the first part, because I thought Fred was behaving extremely OOC. The twist at the end was very good, though.
However, I'm a little confused about your characterizations and motivations. I think to see more feeling from Angelina and George as the news of Fred's death really hits them. As an identical twin, I know its very hard when my sister gets sick, breaks a bone, or even stays out too late alone on her bike. My feelings if something happened to her would be undescribable. I think you need to add more to George's feelings about Fred's death before ending the story. Also, I doubt George would use Fred's death as an excuse to get the girl he wanted.
Even though I don't agree with the characterizations and motivations you presented, I can't deny the fact that this is a really cute romance story. As a parting hint, I think you should have put the pairing in the summary, so readers know what you're talking about. Besides those things, it was a wonderful first fic! I really can't believe that it's your first fic, though, because it is so good! Great job!
Author's Response: I\'ll take your words into consideration. Thanks for the review!
And They Wondered Why We Smiled by immortal_evil
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Sighing, Padma put down her quill. She stared down at the last stanza. There was no one to read it, but the truth had been told.
And now she could be laid to rest.
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Truth Be Told
That was so sad. I have a twin sister, and as often as we fight, I can't imagine her dying. Your story brought me very close to home. You really captured Padma and Parvati well - this poem brings to mind the image painted in Goblet of Fire. I give you the highest grade on this poem. Great job!
Gryffindor's Real and True Hero by HermyRox12
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is for the second Poetry Challenge. I'm from Ravenclaw House. Neville was a reject, but in the end he was a hero.
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Hero
This is a really great Neville poem. I love Neville (he is the only fictional character I can see myself spending the rest of my life with) and you portrayed him in this poem well. I also enjoyed the snappy rythym and great rhyme of this poem. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m glad you thought I portrayed him well. he doesn\'t get enough credit in the books, in my opinion, so that gives us fanfic writers a little room to explore. Thanks for the review!
HermyRox12
The Ties That Bind by Magical Maeve
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A short poem about the Grey Lady of Ravenclaw.
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Ties That Bind
Wow, this poem was absolutely amazing. To write a poem based on the Grey Lady is a great idea. It stands out so boldly in the multitude of cliche love poems (which I am guilty of writing) one usually finds on this site. What really make this poem stand out, though, is your fluid use of language. This poem oozes of sophistication, rhythm and flow. By your use of your exquisite vocabulary, you give the Grey Lady a superb voice I can hear through the entire poem. I think, however, you should provide a little back story on the Grey Lady- I'm not familar with her story (the character is based on a legendary ghost, right?) and don't understand who she's so in love with. Besides that, I was amazed. This poem was brief and straight-to-the-point without sounding rushed, something you rarely find in short works of poetry and prose. I liked how you successfully used prefixes in the first stanza- the constant use of "in" or "un" really made gave this poem a nice tone. This poem was absolutely amazing.
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Lilypudding. I can\'t really write love poetry to save my life! LOL This was a challenge poem, and I just thought it would be interesting if the Grey Lady stayed behind as a ghost for love. We know so little about her that it was interesting to explore the character. Glad you liked the poem. :-)
Without You by MoonysMistress
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Is there a such thing as a poem-fic? If so, this is an example of one: a prose-poem based on the song "Without You" from RENT, a glimpse into the minds of Tonks and Remus as they both fight their feelings for one another. Song lyrics interspersed. Part 6 of the "I Should Tell You" series.
Date: 04/21/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Wow. This is really amazing, because I was thinking about making an attempt at Remus/Tonks with songfic to Without You, because the lyrics to that song are my favorite of all time. I'm not sure how much I liked this. Honestly, I was too busy hyperventalating over the fact that you, my favorite author, are a complete Rent-head like I am to really understand. I liked how you made it like a song. However, I think it was sort of like you putting original lyrics with lyrics of a very good song and giving Remus and Tonks singing parts. It was sort of like a Harry Potter musical, not like that would be a bad idea or anything. However, I loved it. It was a great idea and it really made my day. I would give you a 10/10, but this is the first review I'm leaving on this whole new system and I can't find the rate story button...
Author's Response: The lyrics of the song are SO perfect for them, I really think so. Two people who\'ve gone through a lot, one or both afraid of love, and not knowing how to deal...so good. Ha, a Harry Potter musical! That wasn\'t the intention. You\'re right, I wasn\'t sure how to separate the song parts and their two voices from each other. D\'you think if I spaced it out a little, it would work? I\'m trying to figure out a way to do it where I wouldn\'t have to put: \"Tonks\'s POV...Remus\'s POV...Both\" and that, because it sort of detracts and takes you out of the whole thing. Any suggestions? I trust your advice. Thanks very much!
Falling to Pieces by blacksrevenge
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A sad love poem written by me, but the speaker is Hermione after Ron breaks up with her.
Date: 04/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Falling to Pieces
I liked this poem. It instilled a lot of sympathy in me; I felt for both you and Hermione. It is a poem written on raw emotion. You can see the jumble of Hermione's mind, and it seems likely that she wrote this poem. However, it is kind of disorgainized. There isn't much rhythm in this poem. However, you definitely connected on the emotional factor. If they still had the rate story button, I would give it a seven or eight. This sort of eerily reminds me of a poem I wrote this morning. You've captured Hermione's emotions well, even though I doubt she would be so crushed by a break-up. Maybe this poem would b better under the premises of Ginny's reactions to her break-up with Harry or something like that. I liked this poem though, and with editing, it has a lot of potential to be a great poem.
Let It Be by sirius_star
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: James loved Lily the minute he set eyes on her, way back in their first year. Now in their seventh year at Hogwarts, they are forced to work together as Head Boy and Girl. as their duties bring them closer together, James tries his last method of winning her heart
Date: 04/28/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Best Prank Ever
This is a really good story! I think you have a really good idea and this is a good L/J. There are a few grammerical errors, especially in comma use, but I think if you had a good beta look this over, it would be fine! Meanwhile, this is a very very good James/Lily fic!
Letters by Sarah Kavanagh
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Lily thought she was in for a boring summer... but James Potter had other ideas. Love Letters, with a rather bizarre twist.
Date: 04/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Knitting needles, a fun accessory
This is such a great story! The letter format is amazing. Usually, the letter format is used in L/J fics but doesn't work, because usually, the characters don't come off strong. However, all your characters came off very strong. I especially liked the characer of Charlotte. I also liked what Lily wrote about Charlotte abandoning her; that was such a cute, Lily-ish thing, plus I could sympathize with Lily, having being "abandoned" by my best friend and neighbor, who is currently enjoying spring break in Florida while I sit at home on the computer... Anyway, great story!
Deathly Consequences by Periwinkle
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Deathly Consequences, by Periwinkle of Hufflepuff House, in response to Poetry Challenge #1.
Draco makes a desicion that results in deathly consequences.
Date: 04/28/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
This is a really amazing poem! It was a great idea, and you went through with it well. Congradulations on participating in challenge one, I noticed few entries in this one. I'm not sure if it entirely applies to "Apathy is lethal" but it is a good work of poetry. Fear is portrayed nicely in Draco's eyes in his compelling narrative which is your great poem. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you!
That\'s the part that I was most concerned about -the Apathy is Lethal part.
Basically, Draco realizes that at the last minute, being a Death Eater is not for him, and suffers the consequences.
Thank you for reviewing this poem also. I was very pleased to see your review.
Love Actually by mysteriousnight
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: James Potter has always loved Lily since the moment he laid eyes on her--everyone knows that. But so has someone else--something not everyone is aware of. What happens when James gives up and Lily gives in? What happens to that someone else?
Date: 04/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: Rejection and Pity
This is a really good first chapter of a Lily/James fic! I really, really enjoyed reading it. There were so many things I enjoyed about it. I find it really interesting that, at one point, the generic Lily hates James, James loves Lily feelings would be reversed. However, I think there are some things in this story that could be fixed.
Cliches I really want to help you out with this story, so I looked on your author bio. While I noticed you had written many other stories, this was your first Lily/James story. Let me tell you from experience, Lily/James is probably the hardest genre to write. The reason its so difficult - there are a lot of cliches. While this is a good first chapter for a first time Lily/James author, I noticed a few cliches or things that could become cliches if you're not careful. The number one cliche in Lily/James fanfics is Lily has two best friends, who aren't really developed characters, and one of them has their eye on Sirius, and the other fancies Remus. Although I have done this in past fanfics, I usually try to avoid this. You seem to be straying down that path with Fayre and Seanna. However, because this is a first chapter, you are lucky enough to have the power to possibly change that. If you concentrate on avoiding cliches, they won't happen.
Typoes Another thing about this story I noticed was the major typo in the summary. In your summary, the "J" in James is cut off. I know it is a simple mistake, but that can lead to a lot of people not reading your story. Summary mistakes should be avoided at all costs - that's why I like to read over my summaries after a story has been accepted. Once you fix that, though, I think a lot of people will read your story and it will become very popular.
Altogether, this is a promising first chapter. If you really develop the characters of Fayre and Seanna, and look over your story for typos, I think this is going to be a really great story. I'm looking foward to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your constructive criticism! It truly is appreciated!
Hidden Beauty by Gonz
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Second Place in Challenge 2- “Rebirth, the phoenix dies and is reborn again. Isn't it amazing how beauty can blossom from something that begins so ugly.” for Hufflepuff House
A poem about lycanthropy.
Date: 04/28/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot
This is a really great poem about lycantrophy. I came here to read challenge poems because I was bored, and really didn't expect to read any good ones for challenge two, but this one was pleasantly surprising. I have to wonder who's POV this is in, and I'm not sure if this about Lupin, Greyback, or werewolves in general. I still liked it.
His monthly death, hides his beauty from the world Those two lines were my favorites, for reasons I don't know. For some reason, the phrase "Monthly death" really stood out to me. They really represent a lot about how life has its ups and downs.
But sunrise comes, and man is reborn That line is so amazing. I know sunrise is a simple thing about lyncanthropy, but by using it in that way, you really extend its meaning, at least to me. If you are a musical freak like I am, you would know the song "Sunrise, Sunset" from the musical Fiddler on the Roof (in which I'm in a small production which opens tonight :) ) Essentially, the song is about life and maturing into adulthood, at least in my interpretation. The term "sunrise" made me think of that song, and how lycantrophy and metamorphasis are symbols of the human life. I devoured that third stanza. However, I noticed the rhytm was the teeniest bit off. You said "The wolf" and "the man" in the first two lines. However, in the last line, you said "and man." I think putting "And the man..." would make the poem more consistent and flow more.
In general, this is a really good poem! Best of luck in the challenge!
Author's Response: Thank for for this very thoughtful review. I was thinking about Lupin when I wote it, and it started out from Tonks POV, but I decided against it. I thought it would make the poem more meaningful if the reader could imagine themself talking about someone they knew.
I didn\'t think of that song when I wrote this, but I should have. I love Fiddler on the Roof. Break a leg :)