This is a wonderful story, You kept Lily in perfect character the entire story, a skill that very authors possess and I greatly admire. Furthermore, Lily's murmerings to herself and insightful comments were funny and a pleasure to read. The only thing I would suggest for this fic is to involve Lily's friends-- remember, Lily always had a lot of her friends around her and was very popular. Besides that, this fic is absolutely perfect and I really enjoyed it! Great job!

This is a very good angsty romantic poem. I must say, I really enjoyed reading it. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! You just made my day. I\'m very glad you did. ;)

I liked this poem a lot. It was a very interesting read. The only thing I disliked it seems you followed a rhyme scheme too throughly. We all want our poems to rhyme; rhyming poems are more impressive and generally pack in more words and feelings. However, I think you tried to make this poem rhyme too much. This sort of disrupted the flow. The most important thing in poetry is flow, and then comes rhyme and style. However, I liked the idea and really am looking foward to reading another poem by you, because I believe if you focus on flow more than rhyme you could write some amazing poems! This poem has a lot of potential, and keep up the good work!

I liked this poem. It was a good idea, and really incorperated the aspect of Harry Potter well. It had a great rhythm that literally made me bounce my head as I read it.



Fear of anything, fear of everything I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed that line. While anything/everything is a common rhyming pattern seen in poetry with a beat, you brought new light to it. It made sense in your poetry. The next line was equally good, although I do wish it had the internal rhyme of the second line. The internal rhyme really had a lot of rhytem to it, and gave the poem its beat.




I think you should be very careful about the rhytem of this poem though. To be honest, I did not like the line Fear to go to work. First of all, Molly doesn't have a job out of the house. That line really references general human emotion, which would be passable for a general poem about fear of Voldemort. However, because you mention the names of the Weasley clan, in this poem, you must speak from Mrs. Weasley and not the wizard general public, and be careful not to make canon errors. Also, the line was only one very short statement, while it was surrounded by lines consisting of two statements connected by commas. This stood out and really disrupted the flow of the poem. As a peice of friendly advice, I would suggest you remove that single line entirely- it really disrups the flow of the poem and has no real effect.



Fear of the dark, fear of the mark, Once again, I really love this line. You really have a good handle of internal rhyme, as proved by the other line with internal rhyme I pointed out. You take familar rhyming phrases, like dark/mark, incorperate them well into your story, and as a result catch the reader's attention. The only problem with your rhyming is that it's not consistant. Some poets work with a set rhyme scheme, and others simply aren't good enough at writing to. I think you're a very good poet who could easily work with a set rhyme scheme if you wish. While I'd like more consistancy with your rhyme scheme, I really liked the little internal rhymes you put in the poem. They showed a lot of poetential.



Overall, your poem showed a lot of potential. I feel that it wasn't the best poem I ever read, because the rhyme scheme was inconsistant and the flow was disrupted a lot, but it showed a lot of potential. What I liked about this poem is that it simply told a story, without complex metaphors or allusions. I'm really looking foward to read more poetry from you in the future. Good poem!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I\'ll take your suggestions into consideration in the future. I\'ll try to get a more consistant ryme sceme in future poems. Thanks again for the advice.

This is a good, short poem. It is perfectly compact and packs a very good emotional punch. You obviously have a way with words that comes through in this poem, as short as it is.



I like the title "Without You." It reminds me of the song from RENT. However, I think it's a little too much of a romantic title. This poem is very romantic considering Sirius and Tonks were cousins. While I enjoyed it, I feel it maybe should be someone else writing about loosing love. While Sirius and Tonks shared a blood bond, you almost make it romantic. While I liked that poem, you might want to consider this for future poems. The story matters just as much as the poem and you really want the story and the words in the poem to stay consistant.



I liked the questions you posed in the beggining. The wondering feelings Tonks thought about death is a great example of mourning. It really appeals to emotion. I also loved your first line. While it is a little long, it displays a great mastery of the English language. I would only suggest separating the first two lines into four lines, because they fall out with the rest of the poem.



The only thing I noticed about this poem I really did not like was the line "Without the laughter you bleed." While I can understand what effect you were trying to go for, I think you should think about the changing the word "bleed" into something more happy. It really doesn't fit into the stanza you have describing Sirius's good qualities. Besides that, the overall air of that stanza is great though.



This poem seems a lot like the poetry of hufflepuffgal. After reading your bio, I now know you're related. I think its great that you two are such good poets. You make a great poetic duo, and I really think I can expect great things from you in the future. Great job on this poem and good luck on further poems in the future!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! ^_____^ I\'ll keep that in mind! I think I might change it to something else with \'the laughter you bleed\' and in my next poem I will keep it more on track instead of switching off on something else, like I did in this poem, because first she was mourning, then it was a romantic part, and it got sorta confusing so thanks! :D

I like this fic very much. While I'm not familar with the song (I don't often listen to modern music) I think it fits this story very accurately. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this story.



This is a very interesting ship, and I've never read it or even heard of it before, as I usually stick to canon ships. I think it was a great take on a ship that was rarely written. However, I'm not sure if Severus Snape was a teacher at Hogwarts when Tonks attended it. Also. I think that maybe you should have put a teeny bit more about why Tonks liked Snape so much, if he was so mean. Maybe she could have thought something like "I don't know why... I just can't help it..." While you did an excellent job at hinting around that, I think you need to actually at one point have Tonks think that, and maybe even add an extra paragraph about it. I think to put Tonks in a ship with a teacher and her not being able to help it is very much in her character (remember how she couldn't help her love for Lupin?) and it was a great idea. Besides that little detail, you portrayed the ship well.



I really liked how you portrayed Tonks as a child of the eighties. While that isn't exactly very magical, it really made her seem very realistic. While I've always liked the character of Tonks a great deal, your story took her character very well and made me think, "I want to hang out with this girl." The only thing I would suggest is taking out the KISS groupie thing. Now, because I wasn't born in the eighties or before, I'm not sure, but I'm fairly certain that KISS was from before the eighties. Also, the fact you mentioned it twice made the "KISS groupie" thing seem like a forced joke. With the rest of the awesome humor in this story, that really stands out.



This story was a great idea, and you did a great job following through. You really kept Tonks in character, which not many authors can accomplish. Great story!

Wow. I think that it would be safe to say this is probably one of the most original and unique fics in the fanfiction world. Congradulations on having such a unique idea! In all honesty, some parts of this fic were just a little odd, but some parts were just incrediably funny, like the part about Destiny, or China, or Fantasy admitted that he was a man. You definitely deserve praise for daring to write this story, and writing it in a way that the moderators and your readers would like it. Overall, this fic was funny and original and you should keep up the good work!

Author's Response: I\'m very happy you think this is original! and I\'m glad you found funny the part where China admits he/she is a man. I was a bit nervous when I wrote that part, I didn\'t know how many people woul like it. Thanks for the review!

This story is really an amazing emotional packet, and you deserve to be very, very proud of it. I have written an Andromeda letter fic quite similar to this one, but it is nowhere near as good. The emotional punch you pack into this relatively short yet powerful fic is unbelievable.



She trudged on through the frost covered field, watching as her feet made the slightest of marks in the frozen grass. The imagry in this fic is unbelievable. I could perfectly picture the graveyard in my mind. Not only do you paint a wonderful, full picture of the setting, which is impressive enough, you also color your picture by using words that really set the mood. Your wonderful, expert use of imagry is astounding.



Turn around. Just leave. You aren’t gaining anything by being here. By using phrases like that, you really key into human emotions, especially emotions relating to death. While there is no dialogue in this entire story, the dialogue you use in Andromeda's head is absolutely wonderful. This story really is about feelings, and has the power to effect human feelings. That power in this story to make the readers feel is what makes this story so good and makes you such a good author.



I really like your letter (though I think you should consider putting it in italics to distinguish it from the rest of the story and make things easier on the reader) While it has a lot of emotional punch, it is straight and to-the-point. As I mentioned previously, I have written a fic very similar to this. However, my fic is just the letter. The fact you put scenes before and after the letter, and wrote your letter in a more concise way than I did, really marks the difference between the two stories. You have a great way of writing that keeps your story concise and straight to the point without taking away the emotion. That is a talent that I admire. Congradulations on such a wonderful story!

Author's Response: Why thank you! I\'ll take care to look at yours! Thanks SO much for the comments. I finally decided to italicise the letter, but I wasn\'t before because it got rejected since the majority of the fic was italicised. Now that I\'ve expanded the fic, I think it\'s alright to italicise it. Thanks SO much for the wonderful review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was very simple and easy to read, yet at the same time beautifully poetic. You really took a good message and illustrated it beautifully throughtout your poem. The way you end it with that moral really is amazing. This is a great work of poetry you should be proud to have written. Great job!

Author's Response: I love doing poetry. I have quite a bit of it in my original works. I originally planned this poem as a short story, but realized that the storyline wasn\'t big enough, so I did a poem. Sadly, HPFF rejected it because they don\'t do poems. I\'m really glad you reviewed it, because I have the feeling that a G-rated poem isn\'t going to be wildly popular among the fanfic world :)

This was really cute, although it was fairly predictable that James wouldn't cheat. However, it was a good idea and you wrote it well. I doubt James would have proposed in that most unconventional manner, but you made it seem probable that he would. You wrote this very well. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I know it was a little bit predictable, but I just couldn\'t resist. =)