I have been informed that my Harry Potter alter-ego is Snape, and that the HP male I should marry is Tom Riddle. Make of that what you will...
I've actually finished Out of the Fire! The world never saw it coming... I'm now making it my mission to finish Weasley & Weasley (Deceased) as well ;o)
Hey, nice story. I've always felt that the relationship between Fred and George is something that should be further explored. Very dramatic and extremely well written. I know this is a one-shot but you could definitely extend it and perhaps go backwards in time from the murder (ala Memento or something)... just a thought. Anyway - well done!
Author's Response: Well, actually this did start off as the first chapter to a story. I had about three chapters, but then my computer crashed and I lost everything that I didn't have backed up, which included this story.
I was very upset by the lost, but I had already posted this on another site and I really didn't want to write what I had all over again, so I just let it a one-shot.
But I know that one day I'll get sick of just looking at a one-shot and finally restart it. . . but I'm not saying that will be anytime soon. =)
Very dark - almost tearfully emotional. This is the kind of story that 'digs' at you (for want of a better word), well done. You might want to check a couple of spelling mistakes, but apart from that it is very well written and builds up slowly enough to get a real feel for the characters. The hints about what's happening around the group (Lupin being captured, etc.) add a dimension to the story which many writers fail to create in such a subtle way - which is brilliant because things like that usually annoy me when they are too glaringly obvious. Keep it up.
Author's Response: Thank you, I've run my story through the spell checker again. Your review was really helpful.
Excellent! Really really funny - I loved the "Honestly, Ronald"s. Not sure if it fits the tune properly but no-one cares....brilliant!
Author's Response: The tune is a but squishy, I'll admit, but I had so much fun with the words that I ended up a bit more free form.
I'm glad you got a kick out of the "Honestly Ronald"s! That's my favorite part, too, next to the Bulgarian seekers. ;)
Wow, intriguing concept! Mmh, how will Snape treat him now? Brilliant idea, I'll read on and find out...
Author's Response: do read on. and thanks.
Oooooh tension... this is getting pretty good. I liked Snape's automatic coldness towards Harry, even though he's now in Slytherin - some things never change, eh? I just thought I should point out a relatively minor mistake: "Harry wasn’t in that good of a mood and the fact that students..." - you should probably put "due to" or "owing to" instead of "and" - it makes more sense. Other than that, well done!
Author's Response: well what happened in the past for snape didn't change. and i'll change that.
~Sara
Interesting that Harry already seems to be developing an aversion to Malfoy, must be a sixth sense or something. I liked the idea of the secret room, that was cool. I also like that you're expanding your paragraphs now a lot more, which makes the story flow better. Well done.
Author's Response: well harry's avversion to malfoy will be changing. just to... i guess warn you. after writing more, its become easier.
i'm glad you see that.
~sara
Interesting. You seem to have very cleverly managed to retain Harry's sense of immaturity and vulnerability in these chapters, taking the reader back to when Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone was written - well done. Your story's flow is getting better and better - keep it up.
Also - cute vocab lesson! "off your trolley" Ha ha, I might have to use one of those myself, if I start using cockney rhyming slang... Did you know they had to dub over this British prog in the States because the children used phrases like "taking the mickey" - weird thing, language ;o)
Author's Response: yea i read about that. they had to change a lot of the wording, so that americans could understand it. but as the books became more popular, they kept more brit words. language is very odd. well, thanks for the fun review!
~Sara :)
Author's Response: oh and since yur british, tell me how my use of the british language is. thanks.
~Sara
What a mysterious room - am I right in thinking those names are all previous headmasters? Mmh. Harry's personality shines through more and more with every chapter (especially in the "stupid stupid" bit), and I'm becoming suspicious of Draco in his sincerity - it's not like him to say sorry. Great chapter ;o)
Author's Response: Finally!!! Somone suspicious of Draco and his saying sorry!! I\'m glad you found that!! Yes, there is something up with that, but Harry founds out in Year 5 or 6. I haven\'t decided yet. Sorry for the long wait. But there is a reason, a good and important one!!! And yes, those are the names of the previous Headmasters and Headmistresses. Thank you!!! ~Sara
Ahhhh... it's all coming together now. Good chapter, I hope Dumbledore realises the connection (well, he probably will because he's a genius), while Harry's sarcasm further shows his Slytherin-ness.
Author's Response: Yeah, i like the last bit, too! Harry seems like he would be a very sarcastic Slytherin, if you ask me!!!
Mmmh.. very interesting. I like the way you've altered what Harry sees in the mirror - perhaps he's going to turn evil when he grows up, and that's why his parents are blurred... intriguing.
I spotted a couple of mistakes (just minor ones) - you said "Harry couldn’t see Filch enter the room" but it was actually Flitwick, and I'm not sure if Dumbledore would call Harry "Potter", he doesn't even call Draco "Malfoy"... I suppose if he was angry with him he might have done.
Great story, I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Oh, i\'ll have to fix the Filch problem. That was it was originally Filch, but then I remembered he couldn\'t go magic. And I made Dumbledore call him Potter becuase he was a bit upset. Thank you!!!
Oooh, good chapter. Well written, though I'll pick you up on your use of "in a nark" - we're more likely to say "narked" instead, like "he's seriously narked". You could use "ticked off" as well. Anyway - I think you've got Harry's character brilliant, though I do wonder if perhaps he might have been changed a little by being in Slytherin? Just a suggestion. Great stuff ;o)
Author's Response: he will be changed!!! who wouldn't be, being in slytherin? and for the future i'll use ticked off instead. thanks for the help. ~Sara
Hey, great chapter - I love the fact that Harry's still playing Quidditch and finding out about the Philosopher's - yes, Philosopher's - Stone while being friends with Malfoy. And he is changing a bit, which is good to see. I liked the letter to Ron and Hermione, too; did you use 'burglarized' as a kind of weird slang? Sure you didn't mean 'burgled'? Anyway, look forward to updates!
Author's Response: i was going to wrote "Sorcerer's/Philosopher's" but i thought it would be odd. i'm glad you see that Harry is changing, as he should be. in the u.s. its burglarized. in the u.k. its burgled. thanks!! ~Sara
Sorry I haven't reviewed for a million years - just finished the story and it was brilliant! The last few chapters had a real tension and excitement to them. I liked how you incorporated elements of the later books - Sectumsempra and Greyback (btw - so glad Greyback is now in prison. First Lupin, then Bill, now Snape - that man deserves a good hiding!)
I also liked Malfoy was seen to have more of a character than he does in the original book - again, using traits found in later books; like the line "Malfoy even stopped holding back his tears".
Excellent stuff, I look forward to the sequel ;o)
Author's Response: Hannah (i hope you don\'t mind if I use your real name)!!!! Hh my god!! I missed you!!
Thank you so much!! It\'s definitely a lot better if Grayback is in prison away from small, innocent children! I love that line so much, and I\'m glad you saw it and realized why I added it in. I was actually going to delete that at first, but decided to keep it. If Draco can cry as a teenager, I see no reason as to why he can\'t cry because he\'s in serious pain and eleven.
Thank you again!! I look forward to see what you think!! And I hope college\'s been good!! ~Sara
Sorry I haven't reviewed for millions of years but I'm back with a vengeance! Great chapter - the tensions between Harry and the Slytherins are becoming obvious now, as although he's changing, it appears he doesn't really belong there.
I don't know why, but for some reason you drift occasionally into writing in the present tense: in the first two lines "It’s three weeks before Christmas and to Harry that means", where it should really be "it was three weeks before christmas and to Harry that meant". Later on, it happens again with "they all know how much he loves quidditch", where it should be "they all knew how much he loved quidditch". Just have a check, the rest of it is brilliant.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!! And I tend to do that sometimes. Most of the time I catch it, but I can\'t always. It\'s because I know that the story is supposed to be in past tense, but i\'m writing it as if its happening now, so I get confused.
I\'m glad that the tensions are apparent. I was hoping they would be. Thanks again for the review!! ~Sara
Another good chapter - I liked the dream sequence at the beginning, and the line " He didn’t want them to call him Potter; he wanted to be called Harry." which is what Ron and Hermione call him, adding to the growing feeling that he's drifting away from the Slytherins. However, I did like his rebellious attitude to Snape (which we also see in JK's books so maybe Harry does have quite a few Slytherin characteristics after all!). Exciting description of the match, and I laughed at Ron's wish to be allergic to a teacher!
Author's Response: That\'s good that I can make a dark story humorous. And this story will only get darker, as things go on. I\'ll try to put in some comic relief every now and then. I\'m glad that you liked the dream because I thought it really helped with his subconscious feelings. And i\'m pleased that you feel Harry has some Slytherin characteristics. Those will begin to show more later on. Thanks for the review!! ~Sara
Great chapter, I like the way Harry now behaves towards Draco almost the same way the he behaves towards Harry, hissing at him that it's none of his business. And I think we're seeing a strangely different side to Zabini, which is kind of interesting.
Just a short note on the use of the word "cor!". It's usually used to express joy at something, like if (and it is usually a guy that uses it) a guy sees a pretty girl, he'll go "Cor! Look at her!" So perhaps a term more expressive of anger or annoyance would be better in this case - like "Buggar!" or "Sod it!".
Great stuff, though, will read on...
Author's Response: thanks for helping me with British words!! i\'ll change that. and since Harry\'s a Slytherin, i wanted to make more moody and arragant and what not. Glad you like it!!! ~Sara
Mmmh, very good indeed. Harry's changes because of being in Slytherin are really becoming noticeable now, and I like the way you portray Draco, it's spot on. Nice lead in to possible Hermione/Ron malarky, as well ;o) Really looking forward to the next chapter, well done.
Author's Response: wow!!! i\'m sooo glad you noticed all that!!! especially the changes in Harry since he\'s a Slytherin. thanks! ~Sara
Good chapter - sometimes smaller chapters are needed just to bulk out a relationship. I'd suggest you just go back and read through it again, though, because there were quite a few typos (like using "talk care of myself" instead of "take care of myself"). I'm not sure about Harry's animagus, a wolf would be cool. I think Draco's fox should be silver-ish in colour to match his hair.
Author's Response: I\'ll have to go over it then. Thanks for telling me. I wasn\'t going to make him a reddish fox becuase that wouldn\'t work, but I just hadn\'t thought about it. But silvery blond would work well. Thanks. ~Sara
The connection with Dumbledore is really important to Harry's character so I'm glad you've stressed that in this story, as well as his friendship with Hagrid. I keep wanting Harry to just go back to Gryffindor common room with Ron and Hermione! Good chapter ;o)
Author's Response: It does seem like he would just one day walk to Gryffindor Tower instead of down to the Dungeons, but, sadly, that\'s not going to happen. His friendship with Dumbledore is important. Sadly, his friendship with Hagrid, Ron, and Hermione will be broken. Won\'t tell you when though, but I do know when. Thanks for the review!! ~Sara
You have a very interesting style of writing - I like it, but I must say that at times it feels a little tongue-in-cheek. Good build up to the story so far, but I just feel that you could add a little more to give the ending that extra bit of tension - it could be a real stormer of a cliff-hanger.
I think the opening works well, as the story appears to be centred around harry from the plot outline, but a shift in perspective is always welcome. And I like the idea of a twist in the perception of the characters - that Snape and Draco were in it together, and that they now have to convince Harry.
My major criticism would only be that you should perhaps elaborate a little more on the chapter - add in a few more feelings so that we really get inside the characters' heads and, although the scene is built up well, I feel that your style could contribute a bit extra to really make the setting feel tense - so that it's more of a shock when harry bursts in at the end.
I think it's a great set up for a story though - look forward to updates!
Author's Response: Thank you! I was so scared that no one would like my story. I will take your advice to heart!! I will update ASAP!