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Kerichi [Contact]
11/14/05




I'm an avid reader turned fanfiction writer who aims to one day be paid for original stories, but for now is satisfied with the invaluable reward of reviews (and three Quicksilver Quill awards). ^_^

ETA: Like Bilbo, I was There and Back Again (There being out in the non-fanfiction-world) a Writer's Tale filled with adventure, battles, and a return to the Shire of MNFF.


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Graves by Oregonian

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and realizes that they are the end toward which we all are headed.

Written for the Sixth Annual October Triathlon: Race to Hallowe'en.
Inspired by this fragment of verse:
We do lie beneath the grass
In the moonlight, in the shade
Of the yew-tree. They that pass
Hear us not. We are afraid
They would envy our delight
In our graves by glow-worm light.

—”Thomas Beddoes, Dirge

Nominated for 2015 Quicksilver Quill Award, Best Poetry


Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/07/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Graves

Yule conjures up olde English times as well as language and traditions. The use of a railroad train as imagery for a Yule wheel was unexpected, bleak, and striking.

The tone is so inexorably grim, to cheer myself up I'm going to sing Wheels on Fire, the theme of Absolutely Fabulous.

Well done, feel free to sing with me. :)

Author's Response: It's a really grim scene, a cold, desolate graveyard at night with dead bodies not that far underneath one's feet, and the reminder that the path to death is a one-way street upon which we all must travel. Not really compatible in tone with the merriment of the holiday season. Scary, in fact.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. You are the first person to dare to say anything, maybe because of the grim tone. I too need to be cheered up, but first I have to look up that song, with which I am not familiar, so that I can sing with you!



Snappy Snape by Shena

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Snape is in a terrible mood. Why? Because he’s starting his first year at Hogwarts. What is Snape’s pet hate? People. Especially people who take an interest in him. His life is not going to be easy.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 1: SNAPE AND HIS ULTIMATE NIGHTMARE

This is a different take on Snape's first trip to Hogwarts! Lucius is, er, on the fabulous side. :D I would have thought Snape and Lily would sit together on the train since they're still best friends at this time.Hope you keep editing until your next chapter is validated.

Author's Response: Hi Kerichi, thanks! Unfortunately my new chapters aren't being accepted and I'm not receiving any notifications as to why. However if you enjoy the story, it's also on Fanfiction.net. Thanks again :)



Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC intending to study magic at the newly-opened Platonic Academy. But that's before he meets Plato, and a young witch, and a Dark wizard, and a Dementor or two -- all of whom seem to have their own ideas about where Ollivander's attention ought to be directed.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 04/23/16 Title: Chapter 6: Transfiguration

This is a very satisfying ending to a story that was a pleasure to read. I can see this pair happy together now, with very fine furniture along with the fine wands! :)

Author's Response: Glad you liked the way it came out in the end, and thanks again for your earlier help and comments.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 09/29/15 Title: Chapter 5: Oedipus Tyrannos

Apollo might reveal pieces of the future, but was it not still left to mortals to assemble them?

That sounds like a quote about writing! Inspiration is awesome, but stories are still left to mortals to assemble. I'm glad you found time to find your way to writing and posting this chapter.

Ollivander is so amusing, wanting to make sofas for the rich and famous instead of being a "small fish" wand maker. The fact that he told that to a friend whose father is a maker of fine wands makes me wonder if his unthinking honesty is going to get him into trouble one day. Preferably with Simaetha. :D Better a barefoot girl with ADD, eidetic memory and allergies (joking, Hermione only sniffed twice, but one of them was a dialogue tag that made me imagine her sniffing constantly as she spoke--which I should have noticed in beta mode, heh) than a high maintenance witch with boots lined with cat fur (which made me wonder how Ollivander knew at a glance that the fur was cat's fur. Was it orange? Tabby patterned?).

Although the beginning of your story establishes the time and setting brilliantly, I have to say that this chapter immerses the reader even more completely. It's like a film. The establishing shot draws you in, but then the story visually unfolds and either makes you feel like you're experiencing the story through the characters, or feel like you're part of a Greek chorus, observing and commenting on the action in your mind (or out loud, sometimes accompanied by throwing popcorn).

You bring readers into the story, and although the story path is unclear, readers of worth will rely on their author to reveal all in due time.

Here's hoping "due time" is sooner rather than later. ;)

Author's Response: Thanks - a big part of why I wrote this story is its unusual setting. By now you know how the pieces of Ollivander's future began to come together. Next chapter is finally submitted, so should be out soon.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/03/15 Title: Chapter 1: Honey-cakes

I love historical mysteries, (Lindsey Davis's Marcus Didius Falco, Steven Saylor's Gordianus the Finder, Ellis Peters's Brother Cadfael) so your story of the young Ollivander being followed by the mysterious figure in the cloak of foreign cut has hooked my interest. I love the contrast between the languid setting with the triremes dozing at anchor and Ollivander leaping ashore and heading for his destination at a brisk pace. The meeting at the wine shop was well done.

The only concrit I have is that Ollivander and Callias traded encyclopedia entry type monologues when telling each other about their ancestors. It came across as info dumps instead of a natural exchange like the ones at the end of the chapter when they interrupt each other "Well, yes" and "But that's what I'm doing, too!"

Just an observation. Going to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Guilty as charged, I'm afraid. If ever I get around to re-doing this chapter, making the honey-cake stories fit in to the dialogue better will be the first priority.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/03/15 Title: Chapter 2: The Academy

“It's all just words, then, this philosophy?” Ollivander tried hard not to sound plaintive. “There's no proper magic taught here at all?”

“There's a kind of magic in words, too, you know. A wand isn't the only way to heal your friends, or harm your enemies.”


Very nicely phrased! Poor Ollivander. Plan A is out, now he's having to figure out a Plan B. Interesting that Ollivander didn't mention that the third assailant hadn't looked ghostly. He seems so self-confident most of the time.

I've noticed a few modern sounding words and phrases in the last chapter and this one. "Mind if I sit here", "Nice move" "Thanks" and "Let's get out of here." I'm not saying use stilted wording, but consider tweaking modern phrasing to sound more in keeping with your time period. "My thanks" perhaps, or "Let us take our leave."

You're making me hungry mentioning the bread and honey. Will see what they eat. ;)

Author's Response: I can't really claim credit for Callias' comment about the magic in words, as he's just paraphrasing Dumbledore. (Or maybe Dumbledore's quoting him; either way, JKR thought of it first.) As for modern-sounding language, I had a similar problem with one of my other stories on this site, which is set in 1519. In that case I settled for a vaguely antiquated phrasing that is still well short of authentic pre-Shakespearean English. But ancient Greece is so far removed from our own time that one really has to treat it as another culture entirely; the only help one can expect from the language itself is the occasional evocative word or phrase.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/03/15 Title: Chapter 3: The Wand of Orpheus

My mother makes wands there, although I daresay they aren't as good as the ones made in this house. Was it a custom of the Greeks to run down their families to praise their hosts? All I could think of was, Ollie, Hermione might think the way you talk about your mētēr is the way you'll talk about the woman in your life. Not a good start to a romance, if that's the way you're headed. I write romance, so I look for telling details and "remarkable eyes" is a more romantic description than "big brown eyes" even if you have him wondering if Simaetha was flirting with him.

The wand lore is intriguing, and I like Ollivander for knowing that he would use if for everything, not cautiously. I want to see what he does with a piglet. :)

Author's Response: Oops - that wasn't conscious intention on the author's part, but it actually is the kind of mistake that this Ollivander might make: so eager to flatter his host that he doesn't consider how he's making himself look. The contrasting brief descriptions of the sisters are intentional, though. You'll see more of them in Chapter 5, and perhaps be able to guess which of them, if either, might feature in Ollivander's future.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/07/15 Title: Chapter 4: Summoning

What? Moeris steals the Wand of Orpheus, casts an Unforgiveable Curse, and Callias doesn't explain why they're not running to the wizard authorities to report this? Are there no Auror counterparts in Athens? Why doesn't Ollivander think to ask? There's Muggle government, Muggle law enforcement, but not wizard?

I'm just being dramatic, I'm not really upset at how the chapter ended, although if I was Olli (I hope you don't mind me calling him Olli, if you do, tough--I mean, I'll keep it my head. ^_~) I'd be tempted to use a Summoning Spell on Callias's wand and ask, "How about I take yours and suggest you get Simaetha to make a new wand?"

OK, enough teasing about the ending. Your descriptions are stellar, as usual. You have a definite knack for immersing the reader into the setting and feeling like he or she is there in Athens, in a butcher's shop or atop the Acropolis.


Something new I've noticed this chapter is your very JKR-like use of dialogue tags. They clarify how something is said when it could be indignant instead of "hot desperation," but sometimes they repeat what's already conveyed by the dialogue, such as: “Maybe, but not today,” he temporised. and “I've seen it done once or twice,” Callias replied casually.


Just some things to consider. You've given readers loads of things to think about, (especially romantic sorts like me who think pushing a sister on a bloke you just met means there's something really wrong with that girl and Ollie is better off with Hermione of the remarkable eyes :D) and we'll be hoping chapter five posts soon!

Author's Response: Firstly, thanks for reading and reviewing. It's great to hear that I'm writing for someone besides myself, and even more fun that you're shipping my characters even as they hit the page. :) In the ancient world (as I'm imagining it) there is much less separation between the Muggle and wizarding communities than in modern times. All the Muggles believe in magic, even if they can't do it themselves, so naturally the Muggle laws and authorities cover magical behaviour too. (There is some interesting non-fictional source material to this effect in Daniel Ogden's book (Magic, witchcraft, and ghosts in the Greek and Roman worlds), on which I have relied.) Callias says something along these lines in Chapter 1, but your review made me realize I missed a trick by not mentioning it in this chapter too, so I have made some edits to the dialogue following Moeris' exit. As for Unforgiveable Curses: there aren't any, yet; nor is Azkaban yet built. Ancient Greece could be a rough place.



Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Heir by Alexandryne

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: I couldn't imagine it was gone. But then, the magic never really is gone, is it? No, it never really ends. So what if? What if the journey continues? What if... Voldemort had a Grand-daughter? Now she must make a decission; she can choose to be good, or she follow in her grandparents' wake - and take it out on Harry Potter's youngest son.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/13/15 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

I love the movie Willow, so I'm a sucker for save the baby prologues, and yours pulled me in with the man being pursued through the snow. The crunch of his steps revealing his position gave it an added tension and sense of urgency. I was left with questions, and one you could have answered is where is the orphanage located. A few telling details would have shown that the prologue is taking place in Scotland or Wales or wherever and grounded the story.

Tom Jr. wanting his child to grow up away from the madness is touching. The only problem for me was the note. Naming her Bellatrix Riddle makes the mistaken for Muggleborn dream impossible. If he'd named her something else, a constellation name and her mother's maiden name or the name Black (who wouldn't believe Sirius had an accidental love child?) would remind readers of her true family without making the girl an instant target of loathing or reverence to the rest of the Wizarding world.

The story has a lot of promise. I hope you find inspiration and continue. :)



Founders Four: Pillars of the Ages by shadowkat678

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: History speaks of four friends, a school they founded, and a division that still echoes through the halls of Hogwarts today. Yet, that great castle was never truly the beginning, and it most certainly wasn't the end...
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/25/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter one: The Beginning

Your astonishment over the lack of stories for the characters made me grin. I think that's why most writers turn to fan fiction: there so much authors have to leave to the imagination. Wanting to know more about characters leads to writing stories to fill in those gaps. I'll admit, the Founders have been about as interesting to me as miscellaneous facts about relatives who are merely dates of birth and death on family trees. So that's where you come in. You make the Founders live and breathe. You round out their characters and give them depth. They become people to care about instead of names I'm told to revere because the fandom wouldn't exist without them. ;)

I loved your opening line. Long ago, in a time of darkness evokes both galaxies far, far away and humble shires from which unexpected heroes spring. The opening paragraph could be the first stanza in a poem, with it's rhyming Glen and Fen. It establishes the story world and tone nicely.

Amara's thought that Salazar was just like his father had been made me pay more attention to Ingvar in Godric's pov for hints of the kind of wizard Salazar would become. Had a Princess Bride smiley moment reading "Florin" (Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin).

You did an excellent job of conveying the qualities Godric has that will become Gryffindor hallmarks. The bold charm and self-confidence, even while blundering around and wishing he could just get some blasted directions. You show it in the way he carries his sword, the way he leans nonchalantly, even the way he verbally takes a poke at his old mentor, laughing when he sees the small twinkle in his eyes. It calls to mind Sirius and James and Fred and George and makes me care about him. He's endearing.

I hope you, like Godric, tend to consider it a compliment. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! Ha...year late reply. I also edited this. I felt like this site was pretty deserted, so I may or may not have jumped ship. It was a nice surprise to come on here and see the change, meaning there was work going on to get it running more. I also dropped off the story for a long while. I've had some self confidence issues, but I'm back on it now. Chapter three should be up soon enough. You got the reference! Actually, I didn't notice it until someone else pointed that out, then I left it there for fun. And yeah, someone else has pointed that out about Sirius and the others as well. And yes, I definitely consider it a complement.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/25/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Begginings are only starts of an end

Sights and smells trigger memories, and you showed that well at the beginning of this chapter. Made me want to live in a cottage with piles of books and bundles of herbs hanging from the rafters, scenting the room warmed by a fire. Ingvar and Godric's relationship has a depth beyond mentor/apprentice. The reminiscence was poignant, as was their different outlooks on how to deal with the persecution of magical children. Godric wants to take bold action. Ingvar feels he has both lost too much and has too much to lose.

Salazar's ability added a new dimension to his character. I wish you had shown how he felt about Godric. Was he resentful? Indifferent? Sometimes a parent and child who have similar personalities clash. How does Salazar get along with his father?

The ending reminds me of stories where the reluctant hero is forced to act. I have a feeling that Godric will save the day, but I can't help wanting Salazar to let loose with a burst of wild magic.

Author's Response: Yeah, I love doing descriptions. It's fun for me. I was definitely trying to get that different point thing across. After all, there's a story behind this. Salazar will show that just not here yet. Hmmm...maybe they'll be both? ;)



Even the Most Unlikely by Wenlock

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: We fear most that which we don’t understand. Dorcas Meadowes is a journalist, devoted to telling the truth about You-Know-Who.

We fear least that which we have defeated. Alastor Moody is an Auror, fighting to end the war.

Their hearts are full - full of courage and steely resolve to win the war, with no room, they think, for anything else.
But they don’t know that even the most unlikely people can find love.

Warning: You might recall that Dorcas Meadowes was in the original Order of the Phoenix, and that Voldemort killed her personally. If you’re looking for an overwhelmingly happy love story, I’m sorry to say that you won’t find it here.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/29/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Alastor is such a vivid character, I'm glad you're giving him a romance. Love doesn't have to end happily to make readers happy. It's the old "Better to have loved and lost" axiom.

Dorcas is one of those names without a face characters. Yes, Voldemort killed her personally, but the reason is left to the imagination. I'll be interested to read your take on it.

Substance abuse is such a terrible sounding warning, but it really just warns readers that more than social drinking is going on. You have Dorcas and Alastor drink shots of absinthe before switching to his hip flask. As the drinks take effect he's "laughing in a most undignified manner at her increasingly slurred criticisms of her colleague" and then he says the words he "couldn't say while sober." The characters are adults and they don't usually get plastered, but at the end of this chapter they have definitely abused alcohol, and who could blame them?

Maybe you could edit your author's note to say you decided against it because the only time the characters don't drink responsibly is in the first chapter. I think that's a valid reason. :)



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/29/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

This is a seriously fun chapter, and true to life. In dark times people turn to gossip and entertainment to lighten their days. Loved Sirius and imagining his hearty laugh.



Scorch Marks by BrokenPromise

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Pulvis et umbra sumus. We are dust and shadows. - Horace, Odes

The Black family is made of ashes.

This poem, based of the prompt above by Horace, won first place in the first round of the October Triathlon 2013.


Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/08/15 Title: Chapter 1: Scorch Marks

When I read "higher-level vocabulary" in the reason for your poem being nominated, I feared the worst and of course immediately had to read and see if your poem was filled with five Galleon words when five sickle ones would do. I was inimitably relieved to note that your word choices were commensurate with the time period and tone you aimed for and satisfyingly evoked. :)

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad that you were pleasantly surprised by the poem - I like the structure given by forms because it often forces the poet to find the right words. Usually this means that you don't get too complicated with them because they tend to get overly long and unwieldy and difficult to fit in! Thank you for the review :)



Seized by HeyMrsPotter

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Astoria Greengrass has been kidnapped. Draco is so desperate to find her that he enlists the help of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. With a growing list of suspects, and Draco keeping secrets, finding her seems an impossible task. And if they do find her, how will she react to the friendship that is blossoming between Draco and Hermione?
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/13/15 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Have you ever seen the film Fargo? When I read that the wizards passed through the wards "effortlessly" I wondered if Draco was arranging the kidnapping of his wife so he could use the ransom money to pay off gambling debts. Then I wondered if Lucius had given the kidnappers the counter wards. JKR said he and Narcissa found their daughter-in-law disappointing (due to her tolerance for Muggles and Half-bloods, no doubt).

Astoria's rather passive and fatalistic, which if you're setting up a Draco/Hermione romance, is effective in making her not very sympathetic.

The kidnapper's yellowing teeth and filthy beard make me wonder if he's a werewolf. Nicely done.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/13/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Hermione brush floo dust carelessly onto a rug and break her word to attend a family dinner just to prepare for an upcoming meeting. Inconceivable! I see why you want to set up that she and Ron are having problems (makes her attraction to Draco less 'you slag' and more 'Ron drove her to it', and them hardly seeing each other in months and Ron not being playful about her washing dishes the Muggle way anymore, or preferring to help George in the shop on weekends when she brings work home show that in a real, sympathetic way that's much more effective than having her slip into bed beside a "loudly snoring" Ron. Making Ron an anger management case (and snoring!) git isn't necessary. And it's cliche. Showing why Hermione can't help feeling jealous of what Harry and Ginny have is more than enough.



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/13/15 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Draco an Auror working with Harry and Ron? I see another reason for the Epilogue? What Epilogue? tag. :D Trying to get my head around it. Will focus on Ron and Hermione. His holey shirt was as over the top as the Malfoy engagement notice. One thing I've noticed about people who grow up poor is when they are successful and buy their wardrobe, they tend to buy only nice things and give them away before they have holes in them.

Hermione's characterization as the superwitch who works long hours and does the cooking and cleaning at home, I can see happening if she's trying to overcompensate for an increasing lack of affection for her partner. Her placating Ron and feebly attempting to change the conversation don't ring as true as when she's exasperated and finally calling him out to say what he'll do if she doesn't learn to separate life and work.



After by HeyMrsPotter

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Isolation. Anger. Guilt.

Amos Diggory isn't coping. 
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/08/15 Title: Chapter 1: After

Sometimes people want to read because they've been affected by death. It doesn't have to be the death of a child, it can be the death of a parent or grandparent or friend. Amos seems to have had the luxury of wallowing in his grief, of having his "nosy neighbour" enable him to not fix food, not clean, not be held accountable for lashing out, displacing the anger he feels at himself for pushing Cedric to enter the Tournament. Good job of making him sympathetic, yet unsympathetic, very much in need of Mrs. Abbott slapping him across the face and shouting "Snap out of it!" like Cher in Moonstruck.



Shangri-la by Padfoot11333

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Shangri-la (shaŋ-gri-ˈlä) is a remote, beautiful, imaginary place where life approaches perfection.

Or, it is where Luna Lovegood finds herself one day, completely accidentally.


Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/14/15 Title: Chapter 1: scars on his heart

Shangri-la in the everyday, in being fully present in the now. My first thought: wow, this totally different than I thought it would be. Second thought: Luna could teach Zen masters a thing or two.

I enjoyed the way the rhythm of the poem and phrasing of "well, death" evoked the character so well that I could have read "She forgets" and known it was Luna's pov by the end of the first stanza. The contrast of physical and emotional scars was poignant. The only concrit I have is the use of "I" in the last line jarred me a bit. I can see why you wouldn't want to use "you", but since she's being universal, for some reason I expected her to say, "than one would have guessed."

So glad I went looking for something to read today!



Vincent by Nagini Riddle

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: The antics in the Room of Requirement lead Draco to face an enemy he fears: Death.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/02/15 Title: Chapter 1: Vincent

Hi, I read your poem a while ago, and I came back to tell you I enjoyed it. The repetition of the opening lines at the end show the difference between being told and experiencing what happened. I especially liked the flow of the third
and fourth stanzas. The longer first lines and
then shorter second and third were like an
outpouring of emotion that trickled down.

The choice of "incendiary smell" was generic instead of evocative, but perhaps you're using it in a figurative, not specific smell triggers memory way.

Thanks for sharing your vision of what happened, and thank you for naming your poem Vincent. It made me think of the Tim Burton poem and inspired me to write an homage. :)

Author's Response: So apparently everything from Mugglenet is getting thrown in my spam folder and I did not see this!!! So sorry. :) Thanks for the review, and I am glad you enjoyed it!