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Kerichi [Contact]
11/14/05




I'm an avid reader turned fanfiction writer who aims to one day be paid for original stories, but for now is satisfied with the invaluable reward of reviews (and three Quicksilver Quill awards). ^_^

ETA: Like Bilbo, I was There and Back Again (There being out in the non-fanfiction-world) a Writer's Tale filled with adventure, battles, and a return to the Shire of MNFF.


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Reviews by Kerichi


Weaver of Dawn by The computer is an enigma

Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Voldemort is back, but due to Lucius's failure in the Department of Mysteries, the once prosperous Malfoys find themselves disfavored and dangerously close to obliteration. Draco returns to Hogwarts in his sixth year as a Death Eater, wanting to fulfill his mission and redeem his family. Hermione tries to keep calm in the face of increasing danger, but things change when she discovers a diadem in the Room of Reqiurement. Little do they know, the problems on their hands are connected, and the path they trace to understanding unexpectedly leads them to understand each other. They begin to cooperate with Harry's mission to destroy the Horcruxes, but their journey has unforeseen consequences: for themselves, for their friends, and finally, for two other people they end up saving in the process.

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This is a Dramione AU. It is canon-compliant up to Book Six and keeps to the spirit of Books 6 and 7, adding its own twist to the canon plot.

Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/11/15 Title: Chapter 4: Prologue (ii): The Order (Part 2)

Again, I'm struck by the wish that this was a separate story. As much as I'm enjoying what you're calling a prologue, it's gone on for so long that it should more correctly be titled Part One of the novel.

I think you did a good job of showing Lucius doing his job to the best of his abilities until the opportunity to serve Voldemort presented itself. The description The Dark Lord's vision had bewitched him, but its power surpassed what any Imperius Curse could ever do, because Lucius himself had come to believe in it with all his heart. It had passed before his eyes like a brilliant comet, and now the colors of the real world seemed dull in comparison. was poignant and almost made me feel sorry for him. :)

Author's Response: The problem is, if I made Prologues 1 and 2 a separate story, I'd have to label them as required before reading WOD, because their contents are so important. That would still leave them as a hurdle to jump before getting to Dramione. I also only wrote here what would be relevant to the rest of the story, so expanding the prologues into a story of their own would mean introducing information that won't be a part of WOD. Then when I condensed that new story into a prologue for WOD, I'd still end up repeating much of what I have now.

I do realize they've ended up long, and they're probably the longest chapters of this fic, but right now I'm inclined to keep going and see how well they hold up the rest of the story. If it helps, Lucius and Narcissa are just as important as Draco and Hermione, and nearly everything that appeared in the prologues will play an important role later. So I won't be pushing all that writing aside.

I feel sorry for Lucius too, haha. :P But I've enjoyed writing his demise, and I've done my best to bring out the two sides in him. I think he's a very interesting character, one you can interpret in many ways and take down many different paths.

Thanks for the review!



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 07/11/15 Title: Chapter 5: Interlude: Mind's Eye

I like how you depict Draco as a bit miffed that he doesn't get to hear what qualities he has that make him Slytherin, that Granger and Potter take time, but he's Sorted immediately.

I deleted my original review when I realised that you'd changed the titles from Prologue to Interlude, so I'm hoping I've answered my own question about when the real story is about to begin and it's next chapter. ;)

Author's Response: I think Draco would have preferred for the hat to have praised him a little before putting him in Slytherin. Maybe it's because I sort of empathize with that myself -- I'd feel a bit let down if an ancient Sorting hat just placed me right away without saying anything, even if I got the House I wanted. :P Also, Draco's comparing himself with Hermione here, someone who shouldn't have been special in any way.

And yeah, the next chapter will be Chapter One and will begin the present-time action. This interlude was a transition point between the prologues and the rest of the story, and tied together Lucius and Narcissa's stories with Draco and Hermione. It also introduced a theme that will appear later on, which is glimpsing memories.

Thanks for the review, and thanks for reading!



Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 06/25/15 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue (i): The Family

Hello, I kept seeing your updates and reminding myself to check out your story, and I finally have. Love the title of your story. It has an epic ring to it, dramatic and romantic.

When I saw that you had a multi-chapter prologue, and each chapter had a substantial word count, I did wonder why you hadn't turned your prologue into a stand alone story. I think of prologues as tools to give a needed bit of backstory (getting it out of the way so you won't have to keep having flashbacks later) and hook the reader. Some writers use it to show a character pov that won't be used anywhere else in a story.

You've done an excellent job of establishing your version of Narcissa and her family. Your descriptions are vivid. Andromeda Black was of a different sort. She was Bellatrix's near identical in appearance, but her regally-etched features were offset by a clarifying calm which both grounded and sharpened her. They reveal character and have an elegance and richness that match the tone of the story.

But while Bellatrix pursued glory and power in her birthright, and Andromeda carved a path of her own, Narcissa remained like a petal in the wind, never quite finding a place to settle. By the time she started school, her sisters were in their third and fourth years and had left her weighty legacies. Anna had secured an apprenticeship with the school nurse and was taking advanced supplementary classes in Herbology. Bella was a member of the dueling club, where she knew the most advanced spells and held the longest winning streak.
Narcissa, however, didn't have any burning passions or prominent talents. The only thing she was willing to call a skill was that she could do reasonably well at anything she applied herself to, but this had always seemed more like a burden than a blessing. It often left her with a feeling of nonfulfillment, trying on one hand to learn everything she could, but at the same time feeling like she could never dig to the bottom of any of it.


There's a Victorian feel to your prologue, a weightiness that comes from long paragraphs and summarized action. It suits your purpose of immersing the reader in Narcissa's pov. I just don't think it serves the purpose of a prologue.
It's too lengthy. It's become its own entity instead of serving the needs of your Draco/Hermione story. I forgot that it was an AU Draco/Hermione story.

If you created a Narcissa/Lucius story from your prologues and used that family history to craft a shorter prologue that reveals a few things that will come into play later in a way that makes us eager to read Draco's pov and see how he's been affected by this obsession to "keep the blood alive" I think you would have two strong stories.

I enjoyed seeing the world through Narcissa's eyes and hope you take the comments and suggestions not as "musts" and "shoulds" but points to consider, with my best wishes.

Author's Response: Hi there, I'm glad you decided to take a look at my story! I've always been interested in Narcissa, especially after learning that she, Bellatrix, and Andromeda were sisters. I grew more fond of them as characters while I was writing this. I played around with the idea of making the prologues Chapters One and Two, but in the end I decided against it because each prologue sets the stage for a certain theme that will define the rest of the story. I did intend for them to stand alone structurally, to give a feeling of two slight closures, but they're connected to the Draco/Hermione part in such a way that I'd rather have them connected physically as well. I hope that the next few chapters will justify my decision. The best I can offer you right now is a promise, but of course, if my method doesn't end up working, I'll be ready to fix the problem. I do have a lot of material for this story, and it would be misleading for me to say that it won't be a long one. (The plot will cover the span of two books, with lots of perspectives and backstories.) So maybe the content of the rest of the story will balance out the length of the prologues. Still, I know this will leave me with the big job of spreading out the information and making sure that the whole thing won't be daunting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and I'll definitely keep them in mind as I write!



Lifeless by ScreamingBanshee

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: Jocelyn Gray was born with exceptional qualities that brought nothing but death to her family. Now at Hogwarts, her abilities still present but shadowed in fear, she comes face to face with Tom Riddle.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 09/07/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

From your summary, I thought you were going for a wizarding world meets A Series of Unfortunate Events type of story. I'm a Lemony Snicket fan, but I'm not disappointed. Tilda is every bit as interesting as Jocelyn. :). The name of the school is the one thing that's bothering me. I'm not sure I believe that any school would name itself "The Supremacy." Thinking about what such a school would be named has given me an idea, though, so thank you for that and the intriguing first chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking time to review! The Supremacy is more of an organization than a school, though they do provide classes/training for wizard children younger than Hogwarts age :) Glad you're enjoying it!



Communi Damnum (Shared Loss) by Nagini Riddle

Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Past Featured Story
Summary: Harry and Hermione find a small amount of comfort in the loss that they share whilst looking for Horcruxes.

Written for the Doomed Ship Valentine Ficathon, Prompt: Harry/Hermione.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 02/17/16 Title: Chapter 1: Communi Damnum (Shared Loss)

I really enjoyed this! Especially because it shows that Ron is the one they both miss so much. Also, I think you could change tent to flat and it would be about George and Angelina, because I can't imagine Harry and Hermione with racking sobs chaining their souls, (they're too pragmatic and Ron wasn't dead and lost forever) but I can absolutely see George and Angelina ending up together this way!

Author's Response: Hahaha! :) I suppose you could!



The Suitcase Menagerie by Nagini Riddle

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A Muggle acquaintance of Newt Scamander is interviewed about how he came to be involved after the fantastical events he witnessed in the war between man and mythical creatures.

Written for the Fantastic Beasts challenge in the Great Hall.
Reviewer: Kerichi Signed
Date: 05/01/16 Title: Chapter 1: A Suitcase Menagerie

You really captured the dazed enchantment (the spell-free kind) a special kind of Muggle would feel when following a wizard down a rabbit hole of the magic suitcase variety and discovering magical creatures are real. Thanks for a story that makes me wish I had a Time-Turner to enable me to see the movie sooner! :)

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I just could not get over Newt climbing into his suitcase in the trailer, so I figured a Muggle would react the same way. ;)