11/13/04
http://fatimas_folly.livejournal.com
Lovely Fatima is an English Teacher living in Miyakonojo, Japan.
When she is not attempting to finish the next chapter of her HP fanfic, she is either practicing kyudo, Japanese archery, studying Japanese, or working on her original novel.
A Voice Upon The Waves is her sole venture into the world of fan-fiction, and is intended as a novel-length work.
I started writing this story in November of 2005, and it was my first attempt at novel-length fiction. As such, it was always a writing experiment for me. Here in 2007 and at the mid-point of the story, I decided that it was time for a major re-write. The reasons for this were many. Primarily, I felt that I had made some unsatisfactory characterization choices. I also had some woefully underdeveloped characters, issues with phrasing, and scenes/dialogue that needed to wear more flesh.
As these changes were extreme, I was told I needed to delete the old story from the MNFF archive and re-submit the new chapters as I would a new story. I'm posting the old version [marked (O)]on my website (see above) so that readers can still access it. I will also post the new version [marked (R)] in later days so you can see the differences between the two versions.
[Report This]
The Severed Souls by Magical Maeve
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Summary : The sequel to Daughter of Light. Maeve has a very bad end to her honeymoon as things come to light about Severus that astound her. Why is her husband so keen to keep Draco Malfoy alive at all costs and can she really get over her loathing of Narcissa Malfoy to work together to save both Severus and Draco from the fate that Voldemort would like to inflict on them? Why is Harry so furtive and will Neville save the day when Maeve’s necklace is returned to her by her father. Oh, and our favourite bad-boy Auror is back!
There has been rather a long break in the writing of the story due to work commitments, but I'm back on the case and hoping to get it finished - if there's anyone left still reading!! :-)
Date: 02/20/06 Title: Chapter 4: Malfoy Manor
It's the small details that make your chapters so enthralling to read! The portraits in Malfoy Manor, Narcissa's room, Draco's room - with the Dark Mark poster, Colly...all of it generates a richness that makes the story so much more substantial. I also enjoy your word choices, particularly in Maeve's dialogue.
As I said in my previous review, I think your characterizations are spot on! Narcissa's coming unglued in this chapter made complete sense. Likewise, the farmer's story about the bull who went a little "square in the head" was hillarious. But, again, I have to say that my favourite character thus far is Remus. His explosion over being accused as "a Ministry man" felt so honest and true. He's so wonderful that I just wanna smack Maeve sometimes for being so ignorant of his feelings! Now I must scurry off and read the next chapter before I go to pieces!
Date: 02/20/06 Title: Chapter 5: The Fox and the Raven.
I think that this chapter should be required reading for everyone on MNFF as a stellar example of the effective use of setting. Each location is so carefully and painstakingly described. The reader feels completely transported along with the characters. Every sight, smell, sound, sensation is recorded and utilized to not only move the story forward but squeeze every realistic drop out of every word.
More and more, the tension between Maeve's relationship with Lupin and her relationship with Severus just crackles. It is my favourite part of the story. I ached with Remus when he wanted to reach out and fold Maeve up in his arms. I felt Maeve's anguish as she realized she'd been a fool to believe Narcissa Malfoy's adulterous claims about Severus. There is a raw emotion to your storytelling that I wish more popular writers had.
Looking forward to the next chapter, I'm interesting in finding out how Regulus and his actions will fit into the growing tangle of complex plans to topple Voldemort. I'm also interested to see how Maeve and Severus plan to battle all of the suspicion raised against them. Great work!
Date: 01/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Darkest Night
So I go away from the Potterverse for a while to play with characters in an original fic, and what do I find when I get back? You've written a sequel to one of the most amazing stories I've ever read in HP fanfiction! I'll cut to the chase, because there was so much in this first chapter that I liked. To begin, I must say that I liked the way you started straight in with the disaster instead of waiting. We were left with such a feeling of satisfied happiness between Severus and Maeve at the end of Daughter of Light that I think we needed to see a bit of trouble in paradise to get us into the story. I know I was hooked from the first chapter. As always, your attention to detail is astonishing - the imprint in the bed, the scent of him on the sheets, the cold floor - all of it is masterfully rendered. I must say that your portrayal of Remus is one of the most three-dimensional I've seen. Here too is one struggling with conflicting feelings. I particularly liked the part where he selfishly speculates that perhaps Maeve might come to love him now that Severus is in disgrace. That was such a real emotion and it lended him such creedence as a character. Roderick! I love him! I always see Cillian Murphy's face when I read about him, so it was delightful to have him return. His blithe manner added just the right amount of levity to an opening chapter that was quite heavy and forboding. As usual, you make him an enigma (a description which he even coins!) and leave us wondering if he really knows more than he is letting on. Your writing as a whole is simply breathtaking to read. You have a way of using simile and metaphor in the most effective ways. That said, I found the prose to be a little too dense in places - almost like having too much of a really great chocolate cheesecake. If I have any criticism at all, it would be to balance your prose a bit more with lines that are more simple and straightforward, more in the line of Whitman rather than Dickinson. Finally, I must say that I love how you managed to encorporate the events of HBP into your story. As a matter of fact, when I read the book I think one of my first thoughts was, "Oh no! What's Maeve going to do!" I also like how this sets up a great deal of tension between Maeve and Harry. You are skilled at creating suspense and you've done so again with this chapter. I cannot wait until I have another free hour so I can move on to chapter 2.
Harry Potter and the Spirits of the Storm by QueenHal
Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: A Post-HBP fiction.
When Harry’s quest for the horcruxes turns desperate, he leaves the security of his homeland to seek out the advice of an ancient and most unusual Council – one whose allegiance is only to themselves but whose knowledge is so vast it may be his only chance. What Harry discovers there will change everything. Soon, he comes to see that this is all so much bigger than just he and Dark Lord – his role, though pivotal, is terribly minute compared to the challenges the Wizarding World must now face.
Meanwhile, across the Atlantic Ocean, a young witch uncovers the truth about her bloodline. But only when catastrophic events begin to unfold, does she realise her importance in the greater scheme of things...
It is a tale of epic proportions: bringing in the truth behind Slytherin's betrayal, and the choices the Founders had to make to ensure the longevity of their world. Enemies must unite, lines must be crossed, and children must forgo their innocence. And behind it all, fly the Spirits of the Storm, waiting, watching, scheming. Welcome to the greatest epic war the Wizarding World has ever seen.
Chapter 11 is posted.
Date: 02/20/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
You made me such a beautiful banner, so now I owe you a review!
First of all, let me say how lovely the suspense was in this chapter! As I was reading, I was thinking, "What's Harry doing travelling by himself, in the middle of the night? Where is he going? Why won't he be welcome there?" I'm now completely hooked and that's the job of an effective prologue/first chapter. I liked how you named the Thestral Falcor - I giggled at that!
I think you have a great talent for descriptions. The way you describe Harry's eyes, in particular, was what sold me on this chapter. Since HBP, I've imagined that Harry has a bit more steel in his spine, a greater hardness to his demeanor. I'm glad to see that you've acknowledged that. Since Mask has already mentioned the one nit-picky thing I noticed (the gender of the Thestral), I won't go into it all that much. I think that you've got a great start here. I look forward to reading the rest.
Date: 02/20/06 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Of Labyrinths and Destiny
Wow, Haley! This story is fascinating, and I'm mad that I don't have enough time to read another chapter today! I love the idea that Harry has gone to an enclave of what seems like magical priestesses! It reminds me of Mists of Avalon with the sense of wonder Harry gets as he's walking along the corridors, experiencing it all. The tapestry was a stroke of genius! Though I can't recall where I've heard of something like that before, I still know that it's a powerful thing. I hope Harry gets to see it again.
Again, you keep the suspense going in this chapter. Having us limited to Harry's POV allows us to have the same nervous questions that he does. I also like that you mention Hermione and her advice in this chapter. It lets us know that Harry isn't completely alone. Again, your descriptive powers are formidable. I particularly liked the way you described what Harry was feeling and seeing as he gazed at the Tapestry. In particular, I liked your description of the figure that seemed to breathe as Harry acknowledged it. That part just gave me chills!
Another great chapter! Maybe I'll be able to get back to this story in the next few days!
What the Papers Say by Catrin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: We've seen Hagrid's rage, we've felt Harry's betryal, but there were more there that day, when the man face the rat. A muggle's confusion, a mother's pain, they were all there that day, when the man faced the rat
My son, my beautiful son...
Obliviate him…
And do you know what he did then? He laughed. He stood there and laughed.
Date: 01/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot
I decided to read your fic after clicking on your banner. I have to say that I'm glad that I did. While I have a tendency to prefer longer, chaptered fiction, this one-shot was extremely enjoyable to read. In many ways, the manipulative nature of those in power (i.e. the Ministry and the reporters) reminded me of characters from Arthur Miller's play, The Crucible. I felt the same disturbed frusration as when I read the 'crying out' scene.
I felt your use of a variety of first-hand sources helped illustrate the propagandist nature of the news articles quite well. The strongest contrast, I believe, came from the Muggle testimony. Even though the man clearly saw Pettigrew cast his spell, the desire of the Ministry and others to hold Sirius up as a scapegoat prevailed.
There were a few nitpicky things I saw: mixups between "there" and "their", but no truly egregious errors. Perhaps my favourite part of the story was the silent commentary running through Mrs. Pettigrew's mind during the interview. This created a good deal of depth in a character who is primarily two-dimensional (or altogether non-existant) in most Marauder-era fics. Overall, I must say I'm happy to have taken a chance on your fic. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: I\'m so glad you enjoyed my fic. I always mix up \'their\' and \'there\', it\'s so annoying. I know what the difference is, but when I\'m typing fast, I just forget everything. I\'ll just go and have a look at that now.
In the Eyes of Others by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: Professors •Summary: Severus has never seen the appeal of repetition, particularly of things that ended badly the first time. In his life, he has kept one pet, owned one broom, and had one close friend.
Winner of Mod Quicksilver Quill for Best Novel! Thanks, all!
Rating and warnings do not apply to all chapters; I just didn't want anyone hooked and then shocked.
"What is it?" His mother held out her hand, and he put the letter in it wordlessly. "Are you eleven already?"
His father lowered the newspaper to look at the calendar. "Yesterday. ‘Appy birthday." And that was the end of that.
Date: 03/08/07 Title: Chapter 3: Sorting
I've decided to leave short reviews every three chapters rather than for every chapter, so here we go. First of all, before I forget to mention it, I love your use of names! Who names their kid Hemlock, for heaven's sake?! *hee hee* Brainbox Avery was another favorite, and I nearly fell off my chair with "Pirelli's Elixir!" I am a dyed-in-the-wool Sondheim fan, and my favorite is Sweeny Todd. That little nod made my night!
Going back to the last chapter, I enjoyed how you handled the first meeting between the future-Marauders and Severus. My favorite thing was the idea that Severus recognized he was at a turning point, that he could sway the boys to be his friends or his enemies. I also loved that he didn't quite know what to do. Being a member of the "Snape and Lily were in love" club, I also enjoyed the first meeting of these two characters. From reading the Duelling posts on the Forums, I know that there will probably be some nice moments between those two in the future. I look forward to that.
*Looks back at everything she's written* Hmm. And I said this was going to be a short review! HA! Anyway, getting back to this chapter, the main thing I enjoyed was seeing Severus as an actual person - as a boy who was nervous about making friends, fitting in, not looking a fool, and adjusting to a new place. The bits of advice from Malfoy are priceless, by the way. I look forward to reading more. Ciao!
Author's Response: It would have to be the original Pirelli, of course, as I think the Sondheim Pirelli is a bit of an anachronism, but I just loved the idea that he\'d been real and sort of a Mundungus Fletcher type. And I\'m so tickled you spotted that!
I look forward to your future reviews! It\'s always nice to hear from someone who likes the idea that Severus and Lily were connected, and for that matter who likes the idea that Severus was a kid pretty much like anyone else at some point. Thanks!
Little Ratty Paws by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: Professors •Summary: Have you ever gotten halfway through an experimental kiss and realized that yes, this really was a good idea? Remember, it's the quiet, mousy ones you should look out for...
Sirius comes back from a Marauder jaunt with a sleeping rat curled up in his hair and a mood that won't quite go away.
A whiskery nose poked lightly at the side of Sirius’ jaw. Little ratty paws laid their claws lightly on his neck. Peter was awake and hoping for a little help changing back. Sirius held still and kept his breath regular. A small paw settled on his cheek. Sirius thought Peter could bloody well leave him alone and go back to sleep, since finally he was relaxed.
The pointy nose suddenly plunged into his ear and snuffled furiously, whiskers vibrating. Sirius wasn’t particularly ticklish, but everyone has limits. Sirius discovered his with a stifled yelp. “All right, all right!” he hissed, and fumbled for his wand. Pointing it over his shoulder, he performed the spell to help Peter back to his normal shape.
Date: 02/13/07 Title: Chapter 1: Little Ratty Paws
I think that was the most beautiful slash story I've ever read. Heck, that was the most beautiful love interlude between two people I've ever read - outside of Jane Austen, of course. She's the master. Erm. Mistress?
Anyway, I'm in awe of you. I try to write romance. Badly. However, this is just as natural as it can be. I completely believe that Sirius is a teenager and in love with his friend. I have no trouble with the idea that he's not used to love. And the words you have him say to Peter before they love each other are exaclty what needs to be said.
Speaking of Peter Pettigrew... BRAVA for this wonderful characterization of a much maligned member of the Marauders! In my own fic, I try to make Peter something more than just the hapless sidekick. He has his less than stellar moments; so do we all. However, it's great to see another author show the side of Peter that is beautiful, loyal, and attractive. I must admit, I clicked on this story *because* it was Sirius/Peter. That's a rare-pair if ever there was one.
If I had to pick a favourite part of this, I'd have to go with with the wrestling and tussling between the two of them as they're trying desperately NOT to wake James. I think that all of us of a certain age - well over the age of consent - have been there in that giggly, euphoric moment before things get serious. You captured it perfectly.
Now that I'm in love with your writing, I can't wait to read some of the other things you've written. Even though Sirius has my heart, I have a secret part of it locked away just for Severus Snape. I look forward to the day when I can leave another glowing review for an excellent writer.
Author's Response: Well. I\'m glad you enjoyed it -- some people have real conniptions over the idea of Sirius/Peter. To me, it just makes a certain amount of sense with what we know of both of them. Happy reading! I hope you like the Severus stories also!
He's Free by LuthAn
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A Petrarchan Sonnet about my favorite Marauder. Oh, the trials and tribulations of Remus Lupin.
Written by LuthAn of Gryffindor for the Character Sonnet Challenge.
Date: 03/31/07 Title: Chapter 1: He's Free
One good review deserves another! :) Remus is one of my favorite characters, so I truly enjoyed reading this poem. I think you managed to capture the "confined" feeling of his life in the tight language of the octave, only to flow with more freedom and abandon in the sestet. I also like how Albus Dumbledore is the only one named. In so many ways, Albus was *the* most important person in Remus' life. Excellent poem, and good luck in the Challenge! Go! Go! Gryffindor!
Author's Response: Well, thank you! I love Remus so much and his predicament is so troubling, so I\'m glad you appreciated the sentiment! And Dumbledore, of course, is just awesome. I hadn\'t even noticed that he\'s the only one to be named in the poem--that\'s a great point!
Thanks so much for the review. I really appreciate it. Hooray Gryffs! :)