Well, you asked your fellow Slytherins for a review, so here you go...

Just a few little things I picked up:
The first one is, "flung open, making her a gasp" should be "flung open making her gasp." I think that's just a silly typo though.
I also think "His breath was shallow and his jaw was clenched" should be, "His breath was shallow, and his jaw was clenched."
This, "She forced herself to stand up and without looking back once, she stormed out of the hut" is a run-on sentance. Try changing the comma to a semi-colon.
For this part, "She took out her wand from an inside pocket and disapparated to her house" you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds.

Overall, though, I thought your storyline was great. You had a lot of good similies in there. I especially liked, "like a child whose mother had taken away her lollypop." You also had great characterization of Narcissa. I loved how her emotions changed throughout the piece. Nice job!

Author's Response: First of all, thanks for the constructive criticism -- I appreciate it a lot. :) And thanks for your comments, and for taking time to review!

After reading this chapter, I must say that this story gets better the further it goes. I like how you introduce Lily and James’s story using James’s thoughts, and I think the emotion in that scene flows nicely. However, right after that scene, when it suddenly switched to M-A’s point of view, I was slightly confused. At first I thought we were in James’s perspective, but then when I finally realized we were M-A’s eyes, I still couldn’t figure out who she was talking to. It took a bit for me to work it all out--but it got much better from there.

I know that in previous reviews, you’ve gotten a lot of comment’s on Marie’s character and how she somewhat has a lack of one, but I thought that she started to develop a passive-character-ness even up to the part in this chapter when she yelled “enough” and then quickly took it back. She obviously has self-consciousness issues, but everyone would speak out if words like that were being said about them. I was glad to see her show some emotion while also not completely speaking out, thus staying in character. But then, at the end of the chapter, when Marie starting saying how she would never let someone look down on her, I thought the change was sort of sudden. Everything led up to it nicely, but the dramatic and sudden change seemed a bit OOC to me—but that’s just my opinion. I know many people liked her unexpected fire.

Overall, though, my favourite part of this story is the world that you’ve created. The idea of the dark-magic contract and the incorporation of the cuts in M-A’s hands fit well, and the description of everything is just fantastic. Starting with the prologue and all the way through so far, the most interesting part of this fic is alternate universe created in it.

So I’m enjoying it! Thanks for the interesting read.
Shayla

I'm baaaack. :)

Wow. You are an amazing author. The plot line here is wel thought-out and the characters well written. But I'm starting to think that the reason I like this fic is not because of the orginiality of it, but because it's written so well.

I read your profile and found that you're working on an original fic. Good for you. Your descriptions are fantastic and the way you throw in your dialogue by keeping it interesting and not making things repetitive and everything all just fits in so well. The flow is great. Very nice job.

Good luck with your orginial fic, and I'm onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! I\'m so glad you continued with the story. Thank you so much for the amazing compliments!! I am really glad you are enjoying the story, it means a lot to me to get such great feedback. As for original stories - I wouldn\'t say I\'m actively working on anything, but I\'ve started quite a bit and hope to really follow through with it someday soon. Writing fanfiction has improved my writing tremendously, and has really given me confidence in my writing. And I have so many ideas - both HP and my own - it\'s crazy to just leave them out there. But first, I must finish what I am working on here. Then on to fame and fortune, lol! Thanks so much for the great review!! ~Gina :)

Aaand, there's the excerpt I read in the EoM. It fits in perfectly here, and really ties up the ending. Truely fantastic job. You certaily have talent.

Now that I think about it I realized that I haven't commented on your grammar at all. Usually I'm very picky about that, but you've done a great job here. I found one typo I think where it says "you" instead of "your", but it wasn't important enought to mention. Seriously, this thing must have gone through numerous betas because it's practically flawless. Very nice job.

I can't think of anything more to say, but you've dine fabulous on this piece. Congradulations; I await the next chapter with baited breath.

Author's Response: Oh my, three great reviews in one day! You made my weekend. :) Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed this chapter, especially after reading bits of it in EoM. Was *** who you thought it would be?? As soon as the queue is open, the next chapter is ready to go. I hope you the rest of the story! Thank you again for your great reviews!! ~Gina :)

Another great chapter in the life of young Harry Potter...Fantastic story you have here. I must say that this is the first time I've been interested in a fic from EoM enough to actually read it, but I'm not dissapointed in doing so at all. This was a very nice break from beta'ing fics rather thenr eading them for fun, and I must say that I quite enjoyed it.

Once again, I must say that your characterization, I think, is what pulls me in the most. Everyone has their strong points, and this is yours. Voldemort, although usually written as a sort of 'sissy', was wonderfully portrayed. His language could easily have been pulled directly out of the books, and his entire presence was perfect. It really gives you a chill reading this. And that's one of the best things an author can do.

Really, this is a great fic. All the dialogue and description flows well, and everything just fits into place. You seem to be tying up all the loose ends of HBP that Rowling didn't, and it just works so well. I'm excited to read the next chapter.

Great work!

Author's Response: Wow, another review! Thank you *so much* I am so excited that you continued reading. I quite liked the second chapter myself, and am thrilled you found Voldemort chilling. I really wanted this chapter to be tense and terrifying, with a nice little shock at the end. My goal in writing this fic was to tie up all those loose ends you mentioned. But I didn\'t want to write a Book Seven, so I tweaked Book Six a bit. I\'m trying to limit the scope but a sneaky little twist just wrote itself into Chapter Seven this week. After that things get really tricky. ;) Thank you so much for your wonderful review. It means so much to me, it put such a big smile on my face. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! ~Gina :)

*shivers*

Oh. My. God. I don’t even have words to express how the ending of that made me feel. I felt chills down my back reading it. Beautiful, beautiful job, Alison.

You know, Draco/Ginny has really been growing on me. Her strong passion and raging fire fit nicely with his cold personality and hard soul. The more I read that pairing the more I appreciate it, and I have to say that this is the fic that pushed me over the edge—I definitely think they work. And the best thing that you did in this story is that you kept it all fully compliant. Great job.

Also, I agree with the person before me that the line regarding the names was the true breaking point in the story. That was the moment when the reader really feels for the two characters. It wasn’t when Ginny died or when the two were left with only memories, but when they realized their passion. I think that’s the biggest reason why this is a love story and not a story of characters’ despair. The love just flows through the story. Great job!

Also, I loved this paragraph:

Astoria was perfect, and was exactly the kind of wife he wanted. She didn’t ask questions, she understood him, and she loved him completely. But she was sweet, kind, gentle, soft. She wasn’t fiery, and he wanted that… He missed that.

It really parallels the relationship of Lucius/Narcissa. Lucius married his wife for blood, safety, and because she adored him like a king. I can definately see Draco doing the same. He married the girl of pureblood who his family respected and he knew would care for him. She’s the weak, soft woman who Draco knows he can control. I just thought it was interesting. The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, and I'm sure Draco would look for the same things in a wife as he saw his father having with his mother.

I also loved that you switched between point of view of Draco/Ginny in many paragraphs. You were able to compare the two characters piece by piece using their actions. (Actions speak louder than words!) Those little bits are the narration parts of the story that are really the glue for the plot—they hold together the sections of story-line and are the basis of the characterization in the writing. Plus, I liked that you differentiated between whose thoughts they were by putting Ginny’s in italics. And the fact that Ginny’s were in italics came full circle in the end when the reader found out that Ginny had actually died and it was really Draco’s story all along.

This is a fantastic story, Alison. nice job!