Thank you to all my reviewers and readers, but I'm no longer adding any stories to this account nor am I a part of mugglenet.
Oh, my God. I am in love with this, Amy. It's truly a wonderful story. I never expected Severus to be married and have a child on top of that, so that was a surprising blow and really worked in your favor as it kept the readers interested.
It's so sad that the pair grew apart and that the mother doesn't care for her daughter. Although the relationship between Severus and his baby is sweet.
When I read that last sentence, my heart stopped. *scowls at Amy for ending on such a cliffhanger* I'm really hoping that the baby isn't dead, that Severus jumped to conclusions...even though all the evidence points against that.
Do update soon, dear. I can't get enough.
Author's Response: Anna, I saw your review and jumped up and down! I love your reviews, dear. They always bring a smile to my face. I especially loved the scowl! It lets me know I am doing my job. I promise to update soon. I\'ve gotten two more chapters written so far with a third almost done. I am so happy you loved this and want more. Thank you so much for reviewing, love!
Oh Delaney love,
I absolutely squeed when I saw this, because you captured Siobhan perfectly and made the chemistry between her and Lucius work.
The description is slightly different than Jenna's, but no one would expect you to match her style.
“My love,” he said softly, his words escaping in a gentle moan. His fingers wove into her hair. “My Siobhan.”
That is, without a doubt, my favorite part. "My Siobhan."
How utterly delightful, hot and amazing to read.
Oh Delaney love,
I absolutely squeed when I saw this, because you captured Siobhan perfectly and made the chemistry between her and Lucius work.
The description is slightly different than Jenna's, but no one would expect you to match her style.
“My love,” he said softly, his words escaping in a gentle moan. His fingers wove into her hair. “My Siobhan.”
That is, without a doubt, my favorite part. "My Siobhan."
How utterly delightful, hot and amazing to read.
Author's Response: Yay! A fangirly!Anna review. How precious! Thank you, dear.
MARIE. OMFG MARIE. YOU WONDERFUL, AMAZING, LOVELY PERSON. MARIE. OMG.
It's Anna/Draco! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* And Mar wrote it!
I can't type at all right now, I am that happy! I never expected this == you cannot imagine the shocking surprise I'm going through.
*HUGGLESTACKLESPOUNCESLOVESIMMENSELY*
It is bad enough to lose a beloved headmaster that one has revered for five years. Bad enough to be mourning with one’s friends over such a profound death. Compound it by the fact that the entirety of wizarding Britain, and much of the rest of the world, felt his loss. This was affecting a girl named Anna, but as she left school and her friends behind, when she was now home and left alone with her thoughts, all she could think of were the rumors.
That is a great beginning. It jumps into the mood, into the feelings that Anna is going through and how she is coping with them.
*randomly squeals while she's reviewing this*
The raging storm outside served as a sympathetic companion to the turmoil she felt inside. She couldn’t stand to be in the quiet of the house anymore, and the rain would be able to mingle with her tears. Maybe she could forget she was crying for what felt like a sort of betrayal. Not betrayal outright, but it hurt her heart and left her confused.
Metaphors! I love metaphors. *nods* It's exactly how I would have felt had the circumstances arised. Mar == you know me too well. The description here is stunning; it makes the fic so much better. The word choice...the depth behind the words...wow, Mar. Thank you sooo much for writing this for me!
Holding her, kissing her, hearing his name escape her lips, it was the healing balm he needed, and for a few more moments he simply closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. He soaked in the feeling that was her. She soothed him in a way he couldn’t have imagined, and it rivaled any sort of magic he’d ever studied or experienced. He wondered how she could still kiss him. His actions had been nothing but dastardly, but he clung to her now.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Mar, have I ever told you how much I love you?
he hugged him tightly. “It will,” she whispered in his ear, “I know it will. When we’re together, everything will be good.”
“I’m not good, Anna.”
“You’re not evil,” she countered firmly, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes.
“Because of you. There are a lot of things I need to fix before we’ll be able to see each other again. There’s a war to be fought.”
“The storm will end,” she paused to place a soft, quick kiss on his lips, “and so will this war.”
I. love. this. part. It shows how they can withstand all the turmoil around them, how they can leave just a little hope for themselves, how they can cope with all the worry and stress.
asdjfiaodnf asdfnadfn kafdsakj
Thank you so much Mar. I didn't expect you to write me a bday fic, or anyone for that matter...guh, you are love. *huggles*
THANK YOU. *rereads*
Jenna, you cannot imagine my surprise when I saw that you had written me a Draco/Ginny story. I know that these aren't your favorite characters in the Potterverse and the fact that you've written such a pairing for me makes me want to huggle you to death. Before I get on to the real reviewing (although I doubt if it could be considered as 'real', because the occasional hug or squee will get in there somehow) I want you to know that I appreciate this so, so much. Thank you, love, for writing me fire&ice as a birthday fic!
The first few paragraphs are *guh*. Complete and utter *guh*. The description is stunning -- your use of words embellishes the story you're trying to relay to your readers and gives it a delicate feel. Which is quite interesting because the rest of the story, or rather, what the characters in it feel, is the opposite of delicate. I find that intriguing -- the way you've almost surprised your readers by beginning with saccharine imagery and then progressing onto harsh, deeper feelings.
You're quite selective about what you want to relate to the reader in that first section.
For him.
By putting it on a separate line of it's own, you only reinforce the two words and give it special emphasis. She's doing this all for him which shows her rather strong attachment to Draco, contributing to the information that the readers already have.
She would have to leave. She would have to hide. She would have to risk her life, and leave her family in the dark in the hopes she wouldn’t risk theirs.
I love, love, love the repetition in this. If used in the incorrect context, repetition WILL appear too redundant, but it's only perfect here. *grins* It conveys very powerful feelings out to the audience, ones that are the base of what Ginny's going through.
The conversation between Draco and Ginny in the garden is so realistic under the circumstances. Ginny's reaction to him is exceptionally well-done... and Draco is actually begging. You give solid reasons for him to be doing so; the condition he's in and the turn of events that he's faced are rational. The entire hasty discussion between them is engaging and entertaining. *HEARTS DRACO IN THIS*
If you would have left it at that, not including the following part, it still would have been awesome. Yet this makes it all the better:
“I’ll call you whatever you want. Just help me.”
Whether you intended it or not, it made me laugh. Draco is so submissive and acquiescent here that he delivers such lines that seem humorous, since they aren't true to his nature. If you had written: "I'll call you whatever I want," then it wouldn't have been as effective, because Draco wouldn't have sounded as real. The lines that you've given him may sound strange or awkward coming from him, since we're not used in seeing Draco in a position in which he needs to physically plead or admit something that is derogatory unto himself -- you manage to keep the seriousness intact throughout their conversation and that is worth commenting on here.
“I don’t want one more person to worry about while I sit on my arse and do nothing, that’s what! It’s not fair to me, and it’s not right, either. It’s not right for me to sit here and let the people I love suffer!”
At which point Anna swallowed hard and blinked at the screen while she read on.
The ending is highly ardent and somehow comforting, to know that Ginny is leaving with Draco and that they are making a new life together, letting go of everything else.
*loves Jenna and beams*
One of my favorite D/G stories -- if you wrote it in only an hour or so, that feat proves what a talented author you are. *SQUEES*
Thank you x a million for the simply amazing story. *tackles*
CHRISTINA!
You amazing, lovely darling! *huggles and squees*
I love that this poem doesn't rhyme, yet there IS repetition. The 'Look' grabs the reader's attention -- a very useful skill if you want them to read the poem.
I love the second and last stanzas especially, since they relate themselves to us. What's interesting is that in the first three sentences between the stanzas, you mention animals. Yet the last phrase includes humans, in this case, girls. I really like that.
The beautiful waves of green and blue.
A serene experience of sight.
That's one of my favorite parts -- the imagery plays out wonderfully and the image that forms in my mind is breathtaking.
*SQUEES*
Thank you again, love: I could say this millions of times, for the poem and the banner as well! *hugs*
*grins and reads again*
Author's Response: ANNA!
*loves*
Thank you for this. I just love your reviews :-) I\'m so glad you like your birthday present
*huggles*
Hey Rosie!
I was browsing the Poetry category and your poem summary stood out to me, which is something that doesn't happen all too commonly as poem summaries are usually only a sentence long.
The content of your poem is interesting. You depict a different Draco than the one that is known to us via Jo's books. Your Draco is quite blunt with himself and strange in the way that he acknowledges his mistakes and the effect they have had on others. I don't see this as OOC, because Draco is the sort of person that might think completely unlike he acts.
Your thoughts were nicely formulated -- the poem was chronological and had a definite beginning, middle and end. Most poems take on a dissimilar style that yours' does, it is refreshing to see a poem that doesn't have a creative wording and stanza position.
The title is highly appropriate and repeating it in the poem itself only reinforces what you want to get across to the readers.
A few constructive nitpicks:
I don’t really think that I’ll do it
This sentence doesn't sit too highly with me. The 'don't', 'really' and 'think' make it too casual; it distracts from the powerful mood the rest of the poem evokes. It is a rather weak line with those words -- I strongly recommend you chose alternate ones, strong words.
He never got caught as a bad guy
Again, the rather American term 'guy' detracts from the quality. Also, that phrase: 'bad guy' is quite common, and has been used so much in my opinion, that when placed in poems such as yours, it only makes the context less potent.
You've done a great job with your poem, the only real trouble I had was with those lines.
Overall, fantastic effort -- it really payed off! =)
Author's Response: Hey, I\'m glad my poem stood out to you. Thanks so much for the review! I completely understand what you mean with those lines and I think I might just go and change them :)
Thanks again,
~ Roxy
This is a powerful poem you have written. It's a poem that is meant to be read slowly, for a full effect.
The rhyme is kept up, except for a little at the end, 'drift' and 'lifts' don't quite fit together, but if the reader is focused on the poem itself, I'm sure that will pass.
My favorite stanza is the second -- to me, there is a lot of emotion expressed. Each line indicates something:
'He runs away' can portray feelings of fear, anxiety, unsolved issues, 'from his narrow cage' can be interpreted as the narrator feeling trapped and uncomfortable, 'these bars of rage' is a heartfelt metaphor, indicating anger...
When I look at a story -- a poem especially -- I like to see a lot of emotion in it. For, what is description and images if they don't evoke any feelings?
You deserve a round of applause for that stanza; it was nicely done. =)
Some concrit:
Of the path he set,
But he's broken his flight,
For now he can't claim the sky as his own.
These lines are unstable and the flow could be improved. The last three lines of this third stanza are the ones that I'm focused on, but the entire third stanza could be reworked on a little.
Maybe consider: 'Of the path once set/ breaking the flight/ he cannot claim the sky as his own.'
A little tip also: avoid contractions in poems, as they tend to break up the otherwise smooth flow and can sound awkward.
And in the night air there is a truimphant, savage cry...
...And then it dies.
Splendid finish; quite the surprise as well! I would suggest you change the the capital 'A' to a lower-case letter. You have spelled truimphant wrong, it should be triumphant.
Other than the aforementioned, this is lovely work; it was a pleasure to review!