Thank you to all my reviewers and readers, but I'm no longer adding any stories to this account nor am I a part of mugglenet.
Written as a Term Challenge: Holidays Abroad submission for Slytherin.
What a suprising chapter!
I hadn't thought that Tom would recover so fast...you really caught me off guard there, which is always a treat. I love getting surprised. =)
Oooh, poor Merope. She was so blind to all the facts leading up to this..Tom not being his usual self etc. She just kept fooling herself, telling herself that it would be all right. You've drawn that amazingly!
The coldness of Tom was only expected, but you really gave it a touch of your own. His feelings are rather understanding, but I can't help but feel for Merope and the unborn baby. I knew this was going to happen, of course, but you've made it seem so big, so great!
You have a wonderful talent with emotion; keep up the good work!
He simply walked out the door, stalked down the stairs, and left. He had no plans of ever coming back.
How cruel! It's a perfect ending to a chapter of this mood. I was left stunned.
Author's Response: Thanks. That was the feeling I was trying to give the reader. I wanted you to hate Tom for everything he did, and feel bad for Merope-- even though we all know that Merope is really the \'bad guy\' here. Once again, I\'m glad you liked it.
Follow Barty as he takes his steps through the Quidditch World Cup in GoF. What parts of the story did you miss while reading from Harry's point of view? This is the side of the story that you really care about.
*beams*
Wonderful job on this one as well, dear. I just can't get enough of your stories! =)
Yeah, that's right, Barty Jr. taunted in his mind. No one is here to save you from the Dark Lord, Harry. Too bad I can't just do you in now.
You give your story that first haunting and mysterious blow right here, with that sentence. It just sent shivers up my spine.
Not that there would be; he was, after all, invisable.
'Invisable' should be spelled 'invisible'. There were a few slight formatting errors throughout the fic, but nothing too big.
Without so much as a second thought, he yelled into the air "MORSMORDRE!" Suddenly, a green jolt of light erupted from the end of the wand, protruding into the sky a Dark Mark. Barty quickly dropped the wand and Disapparated, leaving the wand behind. He would not be caught-- not again.
The haste and impulse can be felt in this strongly and for some strange reason this paragraph stood out the most. I suppose it's because it is the climax of this fic and written well.
Overall, splendid job. Again -- your description and dialogue are you strong points.
Author's Response: You know what, I\'m sort of embasassed of thie piece because I wrote it so long ago, but I did spruce it up a bit a few days ago and I\'m glad to see that you liked it. I\'ll go fix the misspellings now...
I\'m glad you like my fics; I certainly work hard enough on them. Thanks for the review!
Christina, dear is is absolutely amazing!
The rhyme and repetition is so well placed, and the words that you chose really describe their deteriorating relationship. My favorite part has to be this:
One for eyes of steely grey
Two for hair so blonde.
Three for skin so pale and fair
Four for how I longed.
Maybe because my OTP is Dr/H that I love this poem so, but even if I hated Dr/H with a passion, this poem would have standed out no matter what.
This is automatically going to my faves, darling! Fantastic job!
Author's Response: Aaaaw. Thanks so much, Anna, for that lovely review. I\'m really glad you liked it. It\'s truly one of my special babies. I wrote it when I was going through a rough time and it really helped me express my emotions.
I am very impressed and glad I read this story!
The plot is undoubtedly the most substantial part of this story. You have everything so well-fleshed out! You lead us into suspense, take it away from us and give it back. We never know or anticipate what will happen next -- you keep us so nicely on edge!
Your characterization is also something I must mention, because it is absolutely spectacular! All the characters -- all of them -- are in character. And they are not only in character, but also wonderfully written. You describe them so simply and yet it gives us a huge impression of what they are, of what they do.
Overall, this is a splendid chaptered fic that follows Book Six, and I am looking forward to seeing more of your work. =)
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so very much. :) I think the teachers are the hardest to write, because you don\'t see much of them. And I always think I do horrible with Harry, so thank you for the vote of confidence with the characters! :)
I am very impressed and glad I read this story!
The plot is undoubtedly the most substantial part of this story. You have everything so well-fleshed out! You lead us into suspense, take it away from us and give it back. We never know or anticipate what will happen next -- you keep us so nicely on edge!
Your characterization is also something I must mention, because it is absolutely spectacular! All the characters -- all of them -- are in character. And they are not only in character, but also wonderfully written. You describe them so simply and yet it gives us a huge impression of what they are, of what they do.
Overall, this is a splendid chaptered fic that follows Book Six, and I am looking forward to seeing more of your work. =)
Author's Response: Thank you. This was a very well thought out and constructive review, and I love those kind :)
Wow. That's all I can say at the moment. *5 minutes later* This was an interesting plot. You captured Draco's feelings perfectly. I almost cried at the end, but that bit about his cell being haunted kept me from bawling my eyes out. And I say that as a good thing; I am not a person that easily cries. I am adding this one shot to my faves. Superb job yet again.
I'm sorry to say I haven't enjoyed this story as much as you would have wished. Let me point out some things I don't like:
~Hermione's dialogue. Hermione wouldn't say the words 'damn' or 'fuck' or other swear words that you included. Her letter also didn't sound like her. There were exclamation points in almost every other sentence, and the letter just wasn't her.
~ Hermione's bathing suit. She wouldn't wear a bikini. Most likely, she'd wear a modest one-piece.
~Ron and Harry's letters weren't like themselves either.
So the main problems I have with this story is the OOCness. No one is like themselves, not even Draco.
I don't want you to take this review discouragedly, but as a good review. It'll help you write better fics in the future. Don't stop writing this story just because of one negative review.
I'm not saying I hate this story...it's good. I like the party part, although it's almost a 'cliche'.
But I like your idea of a Muggle cruise. Overall, good job!
Author's Response: *aww* I'm sorry to hear you didn't like it!
Oh Ashley! What a lovely story! Really, darling, I enjoyed it. Yes, I know you're probably looking strangely at this and thinking, But, Anna doesn't read R/Hr.
Well, Anna is thinking about reading R/Hr and deciding whether she likes this pair, after all.
Such a beautiful and fluffy (oh, Anna does like fluff tons) story deserves an equally wonderful and quality review.
First and foremost -- *smacks Ashley gently* You are amazing with description, dear, so don't try to argue otherwise. Your description is the thing that kept this story together and created lovely, clear mental images in my mind.
I love how chronological this story is. The sections don't drag on but they're long enough to tell the emotions properly. Your description and dialogue alternates nicely and the balance between the two is pretty much perfect.
'Ever the Same' is a great choice that represented this fic very well. I don't whether you did this purposely or not, but I cannot help but notice how the lyrics preceeding each part foreshadow what'll happen in that section.
You capture Ron's and Hermione's feelings towards each other spectacularly, in a mere 2548 words which only supports my opinion of you as a brilliant author.
Author's Response:
Gah!
*dies a little bit*
Anna read Ron/Hermione?!
I feel really embarrassed, now, because this was my first fic I ever wrote and I think it\'s dreadful and yet you\'ve somehow managed to make me feel good about it. Yay for run-on sentences!
In any case, you are incredibly sweet and I adore you. And stop flattering me. My cheeks are about to light on fire, and we don\'t want that now, do we?
Oh ... go write some more things for me to squee at. I need to get back at you and flatter you until you spontaneously combust.
Oh, dear.
I don't know what happened.
Half of my review is missing -- there was more and I don't know where it's gone.
And it was a lengthy review!
Author's Response: *huggles* That\'s OK, dear. I love it just the way it is. Boldened and everything. ;)
Very interesting. I like how you kept them both IC, and your vivid descriptions kept me reading until the end.
[i]The winter night was colder and darker than most. Eerie patterns of frost crawled across the glass window panes that reflected the black hours of the morning, as a draught crept through the corridors, chilling the castle’s inhabitants and creeping into their unconscious thoughts.[/i]
I really liked this sentence. It drew me into this story; kept me wanting to read more.
[i]“Yes, Tom. That is all.”[/i]
I also liked this sentence. It gives a certain finality, and satisfaction. Splendid job!
Wow. What a truly emotional story. I couldn't even write a review 2 minutes after I finished it - the effect was that profound. Wow.
You presented these characters in a way no one has done before. I had never really thought that Hermione would lose control over herself like that. Sure, anyone can, but not our Hermione.
I really liked this sentence: “In order to win in the big picture, you must lose in all the smallest, but more beautiful details.
It's so true! I really love how you turned such a small detail into this wonderful, lasting story. Everything focuses on it, subtly and distinctly at the same time. Not many authors can write such a stunning piece of fiction. I really enjoyed reading it. ;)
Author's Response: Thank you Periwinkle, thank you! It\'s hard to think of Hermione falling apart... but I hope I did her character justice all the same. Much love!
Delaney - this has become one of my favorite stories!
I love your style - you write in such an interesting way:
The beginning of this story takes on a different approach than other fics. Many stories begin with the main character thinking about something else, but you start with the main character thinking about themselves.
She knew what she herself saw: deep green eyes, the color of the ivy crawling up the side of the burrow below her bedroom window. She saw a sprinkling of creamy brown-sugar freckles across her cheeks and nose.
This is one of my favorite sentences. Such wonderful vivid description! I love the way you compared her features to other things, it helped create a strong mental image in our minds and set the mood for the story.
The picture frame brings about a certain sadness. It's only reminding us that Ginny is leaving everything behind, and there's a sense of loneliness here. As readers, we are uprooted in a sense, by finding out that whatever happened in the books has little or no affect on this one shot. This story is purely different - and that makes it even more memorable.
Ginny first saw Draco when he was sitting on a bench on Platform 9¾. He was reclined nonchalantly, his posture contradicting his expression. He appeared so out of place, Ginny was taken by surprise. Then he smiled his slow, insolent smirk and launched into another one of his stories, and Ginny’s confusion was banished.
Again, great sentence. You reintroduce what we already know about Draco and add more to it. There's a hint here that already shows us that Ginny might care about Draco. She observes him deeply, and notices things others do not.
aused there, staring at one another, frozen–until Draco’s hovering trunk bumped him from behind. He started, blinking, and continued walking along the passageway.
I like this moment, because it connect these two main characters for the first time. It's starts their strange relationship. It jump-starts their curiosity for each other; their wonder. It starts building up to the climax of the story.
inally, she pinpointed it. It was the depth of his eyes: they’d never been so revealing before.
There it is again. Love does strange things to people - it makes them notice things that others cannot. We can already see that Ginny *thinks* she knows Draco, the way she judges him. And then she sees the eyes, where there is another story entirely.
Ginny, however, unleashed her anger without a second thought.
When reading the following paragraph, I thought that you brought Ginny's anger on too quickly. You could have certainly waited longer, or added more on Ginny's thoughts so that that moment would appear longer. But I thought more about it, and realized that it's perfect the way it is. You give us another peek at Ginny's characteristics, and we know one of them is her temper. When Ginny is mad, she gets mad. Her feelings must have been bottled up for quite a long period of time for her to give such an outburst.
Your story is great until the end. I have a couple of nitpicks about it - I think you rushed a bit too fast through it. I believe it would have been better if you had Draco a bit more restrained, and then slowly melt and reveal his true feelings. But here, you just had him deflate entirely, without giving his previous
countenance much thought.
Other than that, I truly enjoyed your story. *applauds* Great job, dear! =)
Author's Response: Peri, I\'m so delighted you reviewed this, even though it\'s anti-your OTP. I\'ve really been trying to figure out what\'s wrong with it, and I absolutely can\'t wait to change the things you suggested to make it flow better. I might not hate it anymore after all! *huggles*
What a lovely story! It was bittersweet and very original. I like how you started it with the legend and ended it with the legend -- it creates a nice finish to the story.
There were some minor spelling and punctuation errors.
“Your such a tease,” said Sirius grabbing his Herbology book and placing it on his lap.
'Your' should be 'you're'. I'm not going to list them all and will focus, however, on the great parts of this story.
“If you pay attention, I’ll reward you later,” Remus caressed Sirius’ thigh.
This is a nice introduction into the relationship, hinting to the reader how Sirius and Remus feel about each other.
I like these kinds of sentences in stories, when the author doesn't go into explaining what happened but delves into the relationship/problem/scene immediately.
Suddenly, the rose stems stretched themselves forward and danced wildly around Remus and Sirius. One of them knocked Sirius’ wand from his hand and another one went straight for his neck. Remus moved to aid Sirius, but a branch slapped him, grabbed his feet, and tripped him down to the floor. Soon both boys were immobilized, their limbs and necks tied down. If the plant continued to tighten, they would soon choke. At least they would die together.
This was probably one of the most descriptive pieces in this one-shot and gave me a clear mental image. Although this fic was rather lacking in description, the dialogue made up for it. ;)
You have great talent, Harald! And reading your stories, you're making me like the Remus/Sirius ship -- one that I hadn't really considered reading before.
All in all, very nice job with this and congratulations on winning!
Author's Response: A review from Anna!!! *squeeee* Sorry about the spelling ang grammar mistakes, it seems none of my sories is safe lol. Remus and Sirius is my OTP, I have a very clear vision of how their relationship could\'ve been. It\'s strange you think the fic lacks description, because I think this is one of my fics that has more descriptions lol. Thanks a lot for the review!
I haven't seen the challenge, I haven't read the companion, but, nonetheless, I really enjoyed this fic! Like CA said, you portrayed the protagonist's feelings very well, and I felt like I was there with her and I felt what she felt. It was a bit slow at the beginning; not a whole lot of action, but once you got deeper into it, you could understand what she was feeling, and that made up for it.
Overall, very, very nicely done!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you liked it.
That was a spectacular chapter. It was more of a filler, though, wasnt' it? But I think it was needed. Hm...I like the pairs that you've put up, especially Lucius/Sophronia. Very nicely done.
Poor Stormy. Interesting that we get to see another side of Snape we don't usually. I can't wait until the next chapter. Wonderful, yet again.
Author's Response: With so many of our couples to juggle, Snape and Hermione will not always be front and center, it's true. That scene at the end, with Stormy, made me cry when I wrote it. I'm glad you liked it.
Actually, don't be ashamed. It's a perfectly good place to stop. Now you have us wanting more.
I very much liked how you described the dancing scene between Severus and Hermione. Such vivid description! Such perfect metaphors! Reallly, you're a master at words. And the scene with Val and Luna really has me on edge. Great job, dear!
Author's Response: ::beams:; Thank you! I\'m so happy that you\'re pleased with it!
Lovely!Adorable!Bold!
I LOVE this chapter!! I love Hermione's attitude and Snape's towards her. The whole story is wonderful. Honestly, where do you get all the fantabulous ideas? I like how you've turned Hermione into a bold, unafraid...(I could go on and on) person. It's always how I imagined her to be.
Author's Response: Just keep in mind that I am basing this story on one written about 50 + years ago, by Georgette Heyer. So, many of the ideas in this story come from her book "The Grand Sophy" -- I just tweak it to fit Potterverse. However, the farther we get into the story, the more it departs from Heyer's storyline and becomes peculiarly mine. So, thanks for the enthusiasm and support, sweetie ;)
Nice chapter. Is something going on between Draco and Ginny?
I liked all the interaction between the people and the feelings it brought afterwards. Splendidly, done, yet again!
Author's Response: Hi, Periwinkle! Thanks for being such a faithful reviewer! There isn't anything really going on with Draco and Ginny at this point, but he is trying to get to know her. Draco wants a girl he can respect, whether he knows it or not! I'm glad you're enjoying all the interactions!
Hm..I'm picturing that dolphin...and it's jumping up, higher and higher, then it slips below the frigid water..and doesn't come back up.
I expect it's sad and lonely. Hmm...well, then.
I loved this chapter as well. I think it goes without saying that I will love all the chapters of your yummylicious story. I love how you turned out Lucius. He's a completely different person now. I wonder who he will marry.
The key to your fantabulous chapters is your very expert skill of describing. I know all stories need some describing to make them good, but you go above that...and your words have a raw power of their own. They say something. And I love that.
...The dolphin lifts itself up again...this time, it jumps higher..and then there's a faint sound. I can hear it..it's getting louder...there it is! I can hear it now!
*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
Author's Response: It is an extremely high compliment, from one writer to another, to say that my "words have a raw power of their own." Thank you, Periwinkle. Bless you!
This is the best chapter in this story by far!
I took the quiz and I'm Minerva McGonagall.
I suppose I am a lot like her, but I would prefer a younger counterpart.;)
Anyway, I like the way you portray Hermione.
I like how she's popular with everyone, but you keep her very in character.
Severus is waaay overprotective of his sisters.
But I love every asset of this story.
Keep up the terrific job!
Author's Response: I have tested as Dumbledore, Hermione, and MOLLY! Naturally, I liked Hermione best -- especially since my darling Slytherin tested as Snape! Severus is VERY nineteenth century in this story. I'm so happy that you like it!