I am a sixteen year old whose in WAY over her head what with friends and homework....
I like Shakespear, but it's wonderful to see his rhymes get butchered into a zillion peices. Funnier still, is that I acted in Macbeth and had trouble discerning the lines of your story to that of the real thing. Well written, and funny ta boot, I highly enjoyed yours butchering of Shakespeare, particularly the Fred and George one!
Interesting way to tell your story. The patterns were quite obvious, but it flowed well enough. The final sentence was really good, a nice brief summary of your main thought. It contained a lot of the teen drama. A lot like my 8th grade promotion dance to be truthful. Only it was more of hexagon than a square... Forget that. I liked your story and thoroughly enjoyed seeing Hermione with someone other than Ron...
*aplauds* well done and next time update sooner!
Magnifico! it was amazing. You should continue to write! My only complaint is that you wrote those last three four chapters. The ending wouldve been more powerful if you'd left it at “You didn’t leave me…” Harry’s voice cracked. Sirius’ voice dropped so low that only Harry could hear.“And I never will, Emeralds…I never will.” As I said before wouldve been more powerful.
Author's Response: I had thought about ending it there, but thought that maybe I should wrap up a few more things, but I do think that would have been a good ending too. Maybe when I go back to edit I\'ll try manipulating some stuff to do that :)
I was surprised by the turn your story took. It was dark and vague, leaving the story to go in several directions. The ending was a little flat compared to the rest of your story. I felt it could've been further explained, with much more detail than you gave. All in all it was an entertaining read and a different outlook on the way things could've gone.
OMG!!!!!! i only read it cause someone reccomended it (i dont usually read that genre of fanfics) and I loved it!!!!!! It was long which i liked I never can find really lond chapters any more. in some parts the sentences need to be rearranged, but after coming up with every little way it could go I finally pressed on... anyway I loved the story, and the characters too. thank you for making my lack of a social life less important to me and for writing an AMAZING story!
Author's Response: Thanks. I'm so glad you liked it so much. Thank you for telling me.
Even when you rumple your hair.
I hate that I’ve come to expect,
That life without you I can’t bear.
(Inspired by Kat's poem in 10 Things I Hate About You )
very good I wouldnt have changed the words at all... okay I would have changed the word order but hey im not perfect
let me clarify if something is perfect then in all actuality it isnt.... anywa wat I am trying to say is GREAT poetry, I should know I love that kind of stuff, and write that stuff and think about rhymes when Im not thinking about it...any way no I am NOT insane
hmm... I've never qute taken that look at S.P.E.W. before... It makes the entire foundations of the organization crumble. The two's reactions to each others statements seems well thought out as well as excitingly realistic. I found your vocabulary and imagery excellent to say the least. The flow was good also...
how did you do it??? You made James's birthday mine! I was born On the 18th of august. again HOW DID YOU DO THAT????????
Author's Response: Um... would you take it the wrong way if I told you it was purely coincidental? :)
Very convincing tale. The two are close enough to express intrest, yet different enough to keep them apart for the time being. I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest plays out.
Author's Response: Hm that\'s a really interesting thought... they are quite different, aren\'t they? In some ways they\'re so alike, though. Yeah, I definitely agree. The next chapter\'s in queue, and I\'m glad you\'re interested!
Wow this is cleverly written, the details are just vague enough to leave the audience asking, but it's entirely guessable as well. Who knows how it'll end? The pairing is well written, and just believable. I always prefered Hermione with a different guy, someone on the darker side.
Author's Response: Lol same here, I\'m a D/Hr shipper at heart, so I\'m all for the \'dark side\' thing. Something about bad boys just compliments Hermione\'s personality so well, don\'t you think? Thanks for all the compliments, and I hope you keep on reading.
You did a wonderful Job of portraying Malfoy. Just the right mix of cruelty and coldness I would expect in a junior death eater and a malfoy. It gave me shivers. Perticularly in the circle. You did a wonderful job showing how torn RIddle was as well. The emotions were just right for something so dark.
First off I suggest you change the rating on your story from 1-2 yeas to 6-7 years and throw in a sexual situations/consenual sex....
Other than that, that was pretty good for a four A.M. story. And no beta either! Other than the warning thing I have no nitpickies to say, which is a good thing.
Author's Response: I haven\'t been on here in a year, so I didn\'t know they changed the ratings. I had it on PG-13, but, yeah, I\'m going to go and change it. Thanks for reviewing.
For all of you who wanted an update, I have a proposition. You may or may not like it, but it's all I can offer.
Check review challenge for the last chapter. details there!
James and Lily Potter were possibly the most famous parents in wizarding history. We know alot about their adult life, but what do we really know about their childhood? Even Harry never knew about the Drama, jealousy, danger, friendships, happiness, sadness, resentment,confusion and love that his parents went through as children. Here, their lives, from when the two of them were eleven to when they were brutally murdered at only 21, is recorded. Lily and James Potter were unsung heros. This is their story.
The entire chapters have been fantastic so far but I have to include that while it is a romance you are making the characters seem too old for there age. personally when I was eleven I didn't have such a "colorful" vocabulary. Otherwise I love it. Update Soon PLEASE!
Author's Response: Hey, it's great that you liked the chapters! um... about the age thingy yeah it all depends who you grow up with and how you grow up!! when I was eleven, my vocabulary was very colourful, and i was thought of as the polite quiet one in the school!! lol, but others may not even know what those words mean at that age!! Some girls I know had their first pashes at nine, some are still waiting, the characters are different, each had different lifestyles, some will swear, some rarely talk, it all depends!! :) I will try to update!!
EXCELLENT!! You didnt even warn me a new chapter was coming! Any ways very suspenseful excellent cliffie. The fore shadowing was great. overall I hope this was a transition paragraph, cause otherwise I'll be dissapointed in you!
Author's Response: You found out there was a new chapter before I did lol I had no doubt that this was going to be rejected...yet here it is, and here we are! I am soo happy! But...your technical language confuses me in my present state...aka transishiwatty? foreshadowing? I can't concentrate, please explain lol anyway, thanks for the review!!!!!
a transition chapter is a chapter that lays the foundation for the chapters to come. foreshadowing means putting something in the body of the chapter that predicts whats coming next aka when one of your charachters hinted she wouldnt be able to talk to him later and make it okay between them
Author's Response: thanks for the clearup! I feel dumb lol okie dokie, yes there is a significance with krysta's words, but how significant it is well you'll see... thanks n cya!!
I liked the basic plot, but the turn the story is taking doesn't impress me. I'm sorry I feel that way, but your writing isn't flowing like it used to; it's really choppy... But I did like the story, just try and make it not seem like a seven year old is telling it. Your characters emotions are a little overplayed as well. My advice reread the next chapter aloud before you submit it. And also reread your first twelve chapters, and then look at these last five, there is a HUGE difference. I don't like waiting for a chapter, but I'd perfer if you made it the best you could compared to rushing through it.
Author's Response: hmmm well At least you were honest... I personally didn't think any of it was that bad... Honestly though, I havent been rushing, its just the mods accepting them quicker! I have had these chapters written ages ago! im not sure what overplayed means either, but ill look that up. Ill try to do better next time I suppose...
Hmm... Not many (speaking relatively) choose to write Andromeda fics, but if more wrote like you we'd be set. I particularly liked your vocabulary and imagery. You also did a good job on description. My only complaint is that there wasn't more info on her friends on the train, and what they did.
Author's Response: Thank you. I agree though, there should be more Andromeda fics out there, she is such an unexplored and interesting character!
I just read the story and oh my god. thats all I have to say. oh my god.
(thats a good thing btw)The whole story so far has been AMAZING! Update soon please!
Author's Response: Yay, you enjoyed it. I'm so very pleased about that!! Update coming in the New Year, just as soon as I've got the whole family-reunion-party-every-night-of-the-holidays thing out of the way. Thanks for reviewing and Happy New Year!!!!