I left a two-liner review for this some time ago, back when I couldn’t review, that I really don’t see fit for this marvelous story, so I have decided to give you a better review. /excessive use of the word ‘review’

Right.

Anyway, I simply adored this story. You actually managed to convert me to Harry/Hermione, which is quite the feat, judging by the fact that I’ve always hated this ship.

The thing that I like the best about this story is the emotion. You don’t use much dialogue (which is something that I usually don’t like) but I think that it’s very effective in this story. You capture Hermione’s feelings, and how much she missed Harry, perfectly. When I was reading, I could really feel for her; her happiness at her wedding, her sorrow after her loss, and her excitement during her dream when she thought Harry was back.

Neither of the happy couple noticed when several other people came out to join them under the moonlight. The entire world was forgotten as they kissed and danced. Hermione sighed happily when they pulled away; nothing could ruin this perfect moment. Harry was her husband; they would be together forever. No more pretending, or avoiding the obvious.

I adored this paragraph. I could almost sense the ease of the blissful moment as I read it. My favorite line is: The entire world was forgotten as they kissed and danced. I think that’s a perfect way to describe two people who are in love; forgetting the world and sharing their moment together. I think it’s amazing how well you can put feelings like this; that come solely from emotion, to words.

During their seventh year, Hermione and her close friends said 'I love you' to each other almost everyday. It became a natural thing for them to say to each other…that is until one day Harry sat her down, looked at her seriously and said, 'Hermione, I am in love with you,' and instantly she knew that he no longer meant as a friend.

Here, I think it’s odd that they say ‘I love you’ to each other everyday. This sounds like something that girl-friends would do, but I don’t think that it’s something that guys and girls do to each other, because of the meaning of ‘I love you’.

Also, I don’t think that ‘in’ is the best word to italicize. It sounds awkward when you say it out loud, stressing the ‘in’. I think that italicizing the ‘love’ or the whole ‘in love with you’ would make it more effective.

"Hey," Ron said quietly as he saw her eyes open. "How are you doing?" he asked cautiously. He knew this was her first anniversary without Harry.

I think that saying ‘He knew this was her first anniversary without Harry’ is a bit redundant, because you’ve already made a note of saying that that. Maybe you should say something like ‘He knew what this day meant to Hermione’ or ‘He knew the impact that this day would have on her’ or something like that. You’ve already established the fact that it was her first anniversary without Harry, so I think that saying it again from Ron’s POV is repetitive. But maybe you could say something along those lines of my (rather lame) suggestions.

Hermione's gaze remained glued to Harry, and she could have sworn he stared right into her own eyes and mouthed 'I love you.'

Wow. I just… adore this line. It’s quite simple, but so full of heartbreaking emotion. It leaves the story on an eerie/sad note that fits the piece beautifully. It nearly brought me to tears.

I just can’t get over how much I love this story. In most Harry/Hermione fics that I’ve read, the characters are extremely OOC, and the author forgets about Ron. You avoided both of these things very well. Your emotion and description are simply amazing, and your dialogue, when used, helps the characters’ characterizations wonderfully. So overall… this piece is just brilliant.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for your very detailed review! It\'s always so interesting to see, in quotes, which passaged readers enjoyed or even those that didn\'t come off correctly. Believe it or not, this was the very first fanfiction that I ever wrote, and I have never re-edited it since then. I think it is neat to come back to this little one shot and re-read it, just to see how much I\'ve improved as a writer where style is concerned. It\'s quite amazing what a few years of writing and reading other fanfics can do for a writer\'s style. Anyway, I\'m glad that you liked my story, thanks again for your wonderful review :)

Must... kill... Snape...
Sorry, I just love cats! Anyway, wonderful read!

Wow, I loved that. This story was so sweet, and completely believable, AU as it may be.

There are a few things that I thought I'd mention, though your overall grammar, characterization and everything were wonderful compared to some fanfics I've read:

[i]He didn’t know why he was being so silent. He was the only one in the dorm.[/i]

I would combine these sentences, as it just seems to unnessisarily slow down the fic when they are separate. I'd just say something like; "He didn’t know why he was being so silent, as he appeared to be the only one in the dorm."

[i]Ron walked down to the common-room, the broom behind his back [no comma] to shield [sounds better than 'keep'] it from view.[/i]

[i]Harry had just left for detention with Umbridge, and the only person in the common-room who would have taken notice of him, Hermione, was absorbed in her homework.[/i]

This sentence seems a bit long. I would put Hermione in front of "the only person..." because it seems a bit confusing, but then again, I doubt that change matters much.

[i]And so it was that Ron reached the Quidditch pitch; he landed just by the entrance and turned round—no, no one had noticed him.[/i]

I would separate this into two sentences and say, "And so it was that Ron reached the Quidditch pitch; he landed just by the entrance and turned around. No, no one had noticed him."

[i]He didn’t see anyone at first, but then spotted a figure, spread out atop the Gryffindor table, staring heavenward. It was a very familiar figure spread out atop the Gryffindor table.[/i]

That's a bit repetitive. I would say something like, "He didn’t see anyone at first, but then spotted a figure, spread out atop the Gryffindor table, staring heavenward. The figure appeared to be familliar, though Ron couldn't make it out from a distance."

[i]“Watching the stars, of course,” said Luna, nodding towards where she was looking.[/i]

I would change the "where" to something like "the area where" or "nodding upward", because they just appear to make an overall better impression than "where."

[i]And they were silent for a long time.[/i]

Sentences shouldn't be started with "and", so I would say something like "They sat in silence for a long time." Just for the sake of grammar.

[i]“You know, they’ve never told us that the stars were alive in Astronomy,” he said after a while..[/i]

One period. I'm not sure whether that was a type-o, or if you meant to do an elipses (sp?) but I don't think those are very appropriate here.

[i]“You do you know I’ve been flying a lot lately?”[/i]

I think you meant "how" where that first "you" is.

[i]“Yeah,” said Ron. But before he could go, he had to ask one more question.

“Why are you on the Gryffindor table?”[/i]

I believe that you should combine this into one paragraph.


Okay, that's it with my nit-pickyness. I may come off as a bit critical, but those are a few things that caught my eye in this lovely story. Really, I thought that this was wonderful. I love how Luna seemed to know about Ron more than he did. It seemed so... real, in a way. My friend (Oliver_Wood; I believe she left a review, no?) read this, and she can't get it out of her head that this actually happened in the books. This was just such a sweet story. Should I be able to rate this, you get a 10 all the way!

Aw, how cute. I really like how you ended this. My favorite part was how Ron was speaking in such a fatherly way to his son, telling him to take care of his sisters. I like how Ron felt like he belonged with his family towards the end—we can really see how he’s changed from the beginning, when he was a bit insecure about Hannah. You developed his character very well—kudos for that!

I also liked how you wrote Hermione throughout this. At first, you showed her inner debate between “what is right”—keeping Hannah from Ron so he wouldn’t ruin his career—and “what is easy”—telling Ron about her and having him come home and help her raise his daughter. I adored how you developed her throughout this fic—at first she was too proud to admit that she needed Ron’s help, but towards the end, she was really able to admit to herself how much she needed him. That just goes to show how much she DID need him; if a character as proud as her was able to admit that, she must have felt strongly for him, which was made evident throughout this fic.

Okay, this is way after the fact, but I just had to bring this one line up. In one of your very first chapters, you had Ginny say "I thought you were over Ron." to Hermione. Now, I really did not like this. For one thing, I think that Ginny would be mature enough to realise that it wasn’t about what Hermione wanted at that point—it was about what Hannah needed. I think that this sounded immature on her part, and I also think it was immature for Hermione to respond how she had about not wanting Hannah to have a step-mom. I don’t think that Hermione in that instance would have had to have justified why she didn’t want Ron bringing another woman home. This was the only place where I found the characters OOC—other than this, your characterization was right on the ball.

I’m only sorry that it’s over. I like how you didn’t drag it out, though. You managed to include a lot of events in a short amount of chapters very well—it didn’t feel like it was rushed at all. One thing that I think you could have expanded on was Ron’s fight with Miranda. It came on so suddenly, so I think you could have devoted another chapter or so to it, but that’s just a small nitpick. I think it was fine the way it was.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. I was going to review all the chapters, but my homework ate me, so sorry for jumping from first to last! I did follow the entire thing, though, and I thought it was a marvelous story. Congratulations on winning the QSQ canon romance award—after reading this, I can see why you did! ♥

Wow, I usually don't read humor, bu ti thought that was REALLY funny. 10!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm delighted that you enjoyed it so much and that you've started reading humour! There are some really great ones out there. Thanks for the 10, I cherish them!

Wow, I had completly forgotten about this story until I got the notification email, and honestly, I thought it was a glitch in the system, as I get false notification emails all the time. I can't believe you've updated!

Anywho:

Great chapter!!! I really liked how Jillian just realized that she could change in the end. UPDATE!!!!! (Please...)

That was hilarious! I was laughing so hard! I love how you captured about a million cliches in this, and how everyone was freaking out about there baing a ball. Also, the Slytherin/Gryffindor unity thing was really funny. And how everyone thought to go to the room of requierment. Very excellent. I lovede this!

Steph! This is amazing! I can't believe I haven't read this before now! The plot's soooo cool, I can't wait to read more! *goes to read next chapter*

Author's Response: Rach! Thanks for stopping by! I love when I get Turnips reviewing, it makes me fele so connected! You might notice that I chnaged the plot after chapter 3, when I decided to kill someone :) Thanks for stopping by!

Wow, I must say that you’ve written quite the impressive fic here. Your characterization was certainly the strong point of this story. Anyone can point out the differences between Harry and Voldemort, but the way you used their similarities to strengthen their characterization was absolutely astounding. The parallels between the two were extremely well done. For example, your paragraph toward the beginning about Voldemort’s childhood was great – it could have pertained equally well to Harry. That’s the great thing about this story – how you were able to keep the ambiguous perspective without giving away whether it was written about one character or the other, until the end.

And wow, that ending! I really was not expecting that. It’s been much too long since I read an ending that blew me away like that one, and caused me to go back and reread this fic. Even after that, I had to reread it a few more times to fully appreciate the effect of your theme.

One thing that stood out to me is when you were talking about Voldemort finding out he was a parselmouth. Obviously the reader at first thought this was Harry’s perspective, but when I went back to reread it the second time, it just struck me as too big of a coincidence that Voldemort would have discovered that he was a parselmouth the same way as Harry. A lot of these parallels were great, but a few struck me as not really applicable to Harry or Voldemort.

Also, I did notice quite a few grammar mistakes in this story. I’d recommend finding a beta to look this over, but other than that, this is a truly wonderful story. It got me thinking quite a lot about the similarities between Harry and Voldemort, and it made me wonder where they each got their views on good/evil with such similar upbringings. Very few stories get me to think this much anymore. Really – well done!

That was really good!! i love how you described the emotions in the story. I really liked this first chapter. 10!!