wow, after 6 long years, I'm finally back. working on a new piece. the story is almost finished. I think you'll fall in love.
looking back at my old stories, I think, "what the bloody hell did I write?"
It's so sweet! *cries* 10
I think I'll just say this now and get it out of the way, because it has no significant meaning since the others informed you of it: The only thing that was captured by my nitpick net was the capitalisation of Death Eaters and the italicising of spells. But like I said before, someone's already mentioned it, so you're already fully aware.
Now, on to the better half of this review. I love this! And I'm not just saying that. For me, it's very hard to find a story with Draco being Draco. In your story, you have him being himself, and him having small incentives of where it doesn't seem like he wouldn't think that. But we don't know what Draco would actually be thinking. Your story supports my theory about the character Draco Malfoy. I think he has a slight fear of his father, and acts the way he does because of his father. I mean, if my father frightened me, I would do anything and everything to keep him pleased. I also enjoy your story immensely, because you give a believable personal perspective on Draco's life. Some stories are...let's just say blah. You have such a strong beginning, fantastic description, and though there isn’t any dialogue, this chapter didn’t need it if for some reason you thought dialogue would’ve made it even better; anyone who thinks otherwise obviously doesn't know great quality when they read it. I'm off to chapter 2. Great job!
Author's Response: I thank you very much for the review...I do know the small things wrong with my story, and I plan on editing them when I have more time.
I'm glad that you like the way I potray Draco's character...I work very hard to do this. Thanks for reading.
Sorry, I forgot to tell you I love the repitition of the word 'pain' throughout it as well. 'Pain' is such a strong word; it fits quite well with the tone of this chapter.
The devotion towards Harry is unspeakable to me. It's true love when someone risks everything for you, and the person doesn't care what will happen as long as that person is with you. Ginny has such a loving personality that any (girl) reader could relate to.
There was only one small error--I don't know if someone's mentioned it already--but "head boy and head girl" should be capitalised. Same with "tower" in "Gryffindor tower".
Well...off to chapter 2!
Author's Response: This chapter was proof read by someone with excellent grammar, but it was pre-beta. I now have two excellent betas and loads of corrections to make. I will eventually get back through all of my chapters, but a lot of my steam is in going foreward with new chapters at the moment. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and rest assured, all nitpicks are welcome!
This story is fantastic and I cannot wait to read more. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you (and thank you to everyone else for their nice reviews--I'm terrible about responding to every review).
I have submitted the fourth chapter TWICE since 12/31, and it still isn't showing up. Very frustrating.
Magnifico! Honestly, I have a few tears. Bloody emotions. lol Can't wait to read the last chapter.
Oh my gosh. I'm in bloody tears. It's so beautiful. Okay...suck it up. lol I loved it. Great job! 10
It's a great start. When I read the Ron and Hermione got engaged I screamed, WHAT?! lol Thank goodness no one's home. Can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Is that 'WHAT?!' a positive or negative statement? Did you HATE it? Or did you LOVE it? Just wondering...
I just wanted to also put out there that I love your works on fanfic! I have one under my favorites!
Intense! lol Did they just kiss or did they do more? Because I got a little lost. Blond moment. But good job! Update soon!
Author's Response: They just kissed. Sorry to lose you, I didn't mean to make it sound so confusing, but they both agreed that kissing was as far as they were willing to go while she was still a student.
Enjoyable chapter. Hate to say the fact I can somewhat relate to her father problem, but good job!
Very entertaining to read. I do expect to continue reading this. Quite a mother twist. And this all happened in a dream?? lol Cool.
That was great. I got yelled at to get to bed, but I had to finish reading that. I think just to torture Harry and Ron even more Snape would've especially read the thing about Hermione. I think Snape would do anything to annoy those three.
You have an excellent first chapter. Great description and hidden flashbacks/reminising. When I read I fan fic, I look for a balance between description and dialogue (I'm a bit picky about it), and I think yours is great. Nice long introduction, and then a well-known first dialogue I'm sure everyone can relate to (being late in the morning, that is).
There were a few things that stuck out to me though. Your punctuation throughout the chapter is a bit questionable. There were a lot of missing commas before/after phrases and scrambled sentences. I was wondering if you had a Beta read this over? Having a Beta help with your story is so great. Just check out the Beta Forums. Someone is always willing to help.
Other than that, I thought it was nice to read, and I'm looking forward to your next chapter.
Author's Response: thank you! i'm touched. I will go check out a beta, too bad i alreayd updated another chapter, and i am sure that had more grammatical mistakes
Another great chapter. I was so cheering Harry on to catch the Snitch. Harry can be so daft at times. It was nice not to have a chapter as long this time, and I love it when you describe every specific moment happening. I think description is the best in any story.
Author's Response: Yeah, nobody seems to like Cho very much. I actually end up portraying her a little bit differently than I wanted to. I really didn't want to make her the "bad girl" in the story. But, it worked out pretty good, and left Harry right in the middle of a mess, which is what I wanted from this chapter. So it all worked. This chapter could have been longer, actually. I left a couple "scenes" if you will out of it because they sounded too much like scenes from previous chapters. Got rid of between 750 and 1000 words rigth there. Hey, maybe I can have a deleted scenes section when the DVD comes out (slapping myself for that awful joke!). Thanks for the review! I appreciate it.
I was literally saying "Go, go, go!" lol But I guess all things happen for a reason. Another great chapter, and wicked detail.
Author's Response: Personally, I can't see Harry "going after" Hermione without some heavy consideration of his friendship with her. What I'm trying to convey is that as more time passes, it gets harder and harder for Harry to suppress these other feelings he's found he had. Let's just say, it the next couple of chapters...he won't find it so easy to do =). Thanks again for the review.
I added this to my favourites. Probably the only Harry/Hermione story I like. Very expressive. *thumbs up* :)
Author's Response: Thanks very much! =)
I worried..I weeped..I thought it was quite good. :) Can't wait to read chapter 2.
I've read this chapter probably 10 times now, and it's still so sad. It is a little difficult tell who died and who didn't, but I think if they all died there wouldn't be forth-coming chapters. I think they'll all live, at the moment they're just passed out. Someone finds them or something. It definitely keeps the reader in question on what'll happen next. Good first chapter. Hope to read more soon.
I love how you depicted every little aspect of the scene to give the funeral an extra hint of gloom. Also you don't use a repitition of adjectives and verbs which makes a story always more enjoyable and easier to set a tone to the reader. I absolutely love this story and I cannot wait for you to add the next chapter. 10 on my chart.