wow, after 6 long years, I'm finally back. working on a new piece. the story is almost finished. I think you'll fall in love.
looking back at my old stories, I think, "what the bloody hell did I write?"
Oh the irony in the beginning...clever. Another enjoyable chapter, and very well written. There was just one small error: McGonagall is spelt with one 'n' not two. :) I'm look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Ugh, I keep doing that! I have no idea why, but I keep adding the extra 'n' in McGonagall and occasionally won't catch it when I edit these! I'll fix it - thanks for the review!
Poor Harry! *lol* It's cute to hear Neville and Lavender are taking a chance. Another enjoyable chapter. Great job! I'll keep an eye out for an update.
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed this, an update is coming eventually!
This was always my favourite story...Hi! haha I wonder if you remember me? I'm gonna get back to reading more of your stories.
-RW
This is so great! The bit with Malfoy shouting about Harry was hilarious--and the bagels? *laughs* Love it! It's so like Ron and Hermione to fight over the stupidest things. I enjoyed this chapter very much.
Your chapter revealed excellent description and dialogue. There were a few capitalisation and punctuation errors, and if you read it over, I'm sure you'd see them. Do you have a Beta proofreading your story? Just a thought, but Beta's are such a life saver. Check out the Beta Forums. Someone's always willing to help!
Author's Response: Glad you liked it! No, I don't have a beta, because I'm normally good proofreader, but I really didn't concentrate while doing this. Thanks for pointing my mistakes out though, I'll make sure to fix them (eventually) and later, work more carefully. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I wrote this while simultaneously writing a Biology paper...anyway, thanks for reviewing, advice is always welcome!
I'm so glad to see Harry and Ginny get together, and the bit about flooing things in the grate was hilarious. I groaned, "No..." when Malfoy found that piece of paper Harry wrote, but we'll see how he entangles in to this mess.
You have some excellent dialogue in this chapter, but I think you lacked a bit of description. You should have dialogue and description balancing each other out, because along with what a character has to say, the reader likes to also read the character's reactions and enjoys the day or room being described to them so they can imagine it in their heads. In order for a reader to imagine it, they need the writer to describe so far until the reader can "walk on their own".
Gosh, I hope I didn't confuse you. I tend to gabber. But if you understand what I'm saying, I hope I've helped.
Author's Response: Glad you liked it. Wow, long review, but very much appreciated! Thanks for the suggestion, I completely agree. I'll keep that in mind as I finish up Chapter 6. Thanks!
I thought this chapter was rather good. I laughed a bit too loud when I read that Harry had given the note to Neville. Thank goodness Harry didn't sign it. I like how you use different verbs and adjectives instead of always the same ones. In other stories it gets kind of tiring.
Author's Response: *Glee* I'm always happy when someone comments on my grammar, usage, variety, or other technical things! Thanks for the review!
There is just going to be a web of notes isn't there? Another good chapter leaving half the known Gryffindors going mad over notes. Which leads me to the question, "How can something so insignificant be so powerful?" But then it's related to Harry Potter, because he was known as something insignificant, and yet he's powerful. Well, look what your story has done. You wrote humour for readers, and I, as a reader, got something inspirational. Well done!
Author's Response: *Gasp* A profound thinker! Sadly I also thought of how something as small as a note can cause such mass confusion...haha, anyway, thanks for your input! Update coming soon!
Oh my...reading that long excerpt from Neville just dropped my jaw. I thought, No way. Nuh uh. Neville doesn't seem like the person to string things together. In a way it seemed OOC, but we don't know the whole of the characters so it could technically be IC. It's a shame to have a hilarious story end, no one wants it to happen. But I must impose that you write a sequel, or something similar. I found no grammatical errors (very nice) but I thought this chapter could've used a bit more description. The very end was quite funny though. I would've like to have seen it end with what Malfoy's facial expression looked like or what he was thinking. Something like, Oh crap, or Bollocks. All in all, it was an excellent story and I hope to read more of your stories in future. Good luck and great job!
Author's Response: The Neville-rant thing was supposed to seem a bit OOC for humor, but not so OOC that it makes you think "Is she reading the same books?" But anyway, I'm glad you liked this! Besides Evil Villainy, this was my first fanfiction with a planned-out plot (instead of being improvised). And it's funny...in my fanfictions I use way too much dialogue, but in the "novel" I'm trying to write, I use way too much description. Someday I'll balance it. But anyway (after this rambling response) I'm planning on submitting something serious and well-written later...look for it!
Tricky little devil, you are! I'm in suspense on what will happen. Great job! (Not being sarcastic) The bit with Malfoy thinking Harry's a poof is hilarious. I thought, *laughs* Yes!" I enjoyed this chapter more. You had my description/dialogue. You know I love it. I couldn't even see one flaw in this chapter either, which is excellent. Lovely chapter, and I can't wait for the next.
Author's Response: Glad you thought it was funny, and well written! I mean, I love when people comment on my content, but it's also good to hear a comment about my actual writing style etc. every once in a while. (does that make sense?) Very happy you like it - more will come!
Positively enjoyable. I love how your story flows so nicely with the diverseness between dialogue and description. Looking forward to read chapter 3.
I just love how this story sticks to the summer between Years 5 and 6. A writer can't go wrong then, because--I don't know about other people--I feel like a doofus when I write something and the complete opposite actually happens.
This story just has a great balance between dialogue and description (I don't know how often I can say that). It's great. You've written their conflict and reactions nicely, and I'm sure the resolution will be just as great.
Keep it up!
hey mate. I dunno whatever happened to you. hopefully you read this sometime. I resubmitted a new story. I actually like it too! hehe I dont go on my cotton_headed email anymore. hope to hear from ya!
Very enjoyable chapter. Ginny'll show Ron a thing or two. The chapter had a nice balance between description and dialogue. Too much dialogue is a problem in some stories, but yours is perfect. There were just a couple errors, and I'll send you my ideas on it in an email.
Awesome chapter. I've told you countless times, but I love the flow. :)
I love that song, and I love this story. It's so good. It flowed perfectly, and it was so sad. I know two people who had a relationship like that, and it's so sad. But your story is great.
Author's Response: It's sad...it destroys people. Glad you liked the song...
When I first read that Ron was going to ask someone out, I screamed, "Bloody hell, NO!" But then I remembered who the story was about...I liked this chapter very much. Nice showing, and no telling; lovely description. I liked the bit about Snape and Malfoy snogging--too good!
While reading I saw some punctuation mistakes, and also noticed some Brit spelling and some American spelling. For example "realising" and "realizing". You had both. Other than that, I thought it was great, and I cannot wait for the last chapter. Great job, once again.
Author's Response: Thank you *soooooo* much!! Vick and I loved your story and we were both really upset when it ended!! Please make a sequel!! Thanks for reading and reviewing!! The next chappie is the last one and Vick and I will both write it. Sadly, Vicky is grounded....and I don't know how long she will be grounded for. So, when she's done 'serving her time', then we will finish the story!! Bye-bye......Nicky
I love how the story beginning attracts the reader's attention by immediately adding mystery. The reader begins to think who this "shadowed figure" could be, and willingly wants to continue reading. I personally thought adding the poem by Robert Burns was so sweet, and the rose makes a girl feel just extra special. Then when I read the banner, I thought, "Whoa. Sweet, but a little overboard." You captured the whimsical feeling of Valentine's Day, and brought it in to a story between to characters very well.
With said that, I found a few spelling errors in the following sentences that just bothered me a bit:
"It couldn’t be anyone gut a Gryffindor" --I think you meant to say "but" not "gut" *lol*
"Alright, it isn’t from my mum and dad." --It's a most common error in stories, but Brits don't say "alright", but "all right"
"...is just said, ‘To Hermione Granger’"--You probably meant to say "it" not "is"
"...looked up at and laughed."--Here I think you forgot the word "her" after "at"
"Hermione lay in her bed in the girls’ dormitory"--The word "lay" doesn't make much sense with this sentence. I think you meant to type "lied"
Your overall grammar was quite good, but there was one paragraph I was wondering about. When Hermione sees the banner and the Slytherins all laugh at her. I think you have some unnecessary semi-colons (;). It would read better if they were replaced by a (.) because the sentences around them can't flow well together if you replace (;) with ", and".
Well I think I'll stop criticising now. *lol* I'm off to chapter 2.
Author's Response: Yay! Thank you! Nickle looks like she's already gone to fix it, so yeah...I try my best, but I live in the US andsuck at Brit Picking...but I did set my spell check in Microsoft Word to be a British dictionary...lol...thanks....and, why did you have to end Soaked in a Sea of Envy? Why? Make a sequel, I demand you! Now! lol
John Clare is such a wonderful writer, and so are you two. Another sweet chapter, and yet another unfortunate humiliation by the Slytherins. It's nice you kept the true relationship between Ron and Hermione (the bickering). Sometimes people can either get carried away with it or ignore it all around.
I noticed quite a difference between both your chapters in grammar wise. I was wondering if you had a beta to help you out with grammar and Britishisms? Some of the differences I noticed were:
Hermione's thoughts in chapter 2, Secret Admirer and Quick Quote Quills, and the letter had quote-quotes ("") around them
I didn't spot any spelling errors, but there seemed to be a few grammar mistakes such as, "By the next morning Hermione still couldn't figure out who..." and "When she got dressed she went down to the Great Hall"--There should be a comma after "morning" and "dressed" since you're beginning the first sentence with a prepositional phrase and the second with an adjective clause.
All in all, I think this story has begun splendidly, and I cannot wait to read the next chapter.
Author's Response: lol....this is Nickle. Thank you soooo much for your help. We really appreciate it and we'll go right now and fix it. Or, I will. lol. OK....thanks again for reading our story and reviewing!!!
Dear Reader,
In fact, the horrendous things in this collection are too numerous to name. I wouldn't think of mentioning such things as an evil wizard, birthday presents, ghosts, an owl, or a spider-filled closet.
With all due respect,
P.S. This chapters in this collection may be read in any order you please. Although, it would probably please you more if you did not read them at all.
This was so excellent. I love how you blend the two author's writing styles together. I love both authors. As I read, it seemed like I was reading the first book all over again, but then there were the bits Snickets would add in his stories. I cannot begin to explain how much I enjoyed this. The only nitpicky thing I was rather bored with was the definition of words. There were beginning to get annoying. Other than that, I loved everything else, and I hope you continue with this and update soon!
Author's Response: Oh no! Another "update soon" person! If you look down, it says I'm a slow writer, which I am, so you might have to wait longer for teh next chapter than you would with otehr authors. As for the definition thing, I wasn't really sure how many to put in. At times I threw them in to look more like his style when it seemed I was drifting away from it. I'll work on that. Thanks for the review! :)
Whoa, that was a shocking ending. I mean, I've always suspected Neville to seap over to the "dark side", but I've never read a story about it. I already love this. My favourite things in here are: "You do not have a theme song." I always tell my friends that I need a theme song. It would be so interesting to walk around school with a jingle following you, and people would say, "Oh do you hear the music? Shelbi's coming." I also liked the repitition of "Or a pastry chef." I was expecting to read it more than twice, though. I was also expecting the "matching outfits" answer to be, "You sound adequate but maybe your job is more suited with "Queer Eye" or "What Not To Wear". There was nothing here that I thought could've been better. Maybe a little more description about what the book looked like or what the busy people's face expressions looked like (humorously). Nice job!
Author's Response: I'm always here to provide you with what you least expect.