Great job on this story! At first, I can honestly say that I hadn't expected the encounter to take place with Ron, but it was a pleasant surprise, and it really worked in the story.

You also did a wonderful job with keeping Ron in character --- His thoughts and statements were very realistic, and it was quite easy to picture Ron thinking and saying those things. Terrific job on that!

I particularly liked the ending paragraph of the story: He died the way he had wanted to die. He died without betraying the ones he cared for the most, the ones he loved, his family and friends. He died in silence and with dignity. He died the brave person he had always wanted to be and he died having had the last laugh. He also died a hero, (I really liked that phrase; :) because that was how the ones he left behind thought of him. He died to save them all, to allow Harry the time to discover the way to end it all. It was an excellent way to sort of "sum up" the feelings, and it expressed some definite "Gryffindor Bravery."

I'll also comment quickly that I loved the parts where Ron was thinking back to Hermione. (Again, very true to his character). And other than a few typos, this story had very few things wrong with it.

(Hope you don't mind slightly longer reviews.) Again, great job. This story deserves a definite score of 10.

Beautiful! I think I will never be amazed at how well your writing envokes the right level of emotions. Great job.

Oh my, oh my, oh my. Is there any way to put into words the things I love about this story, not to mention this pairing? Well, I'll give it a shot, anyway.

Firstly, I absolutely love your characterisation of both Siobhan and Lucius. Siobhan is one of, if not the most, realistic and believable OC that I've read in HP fan fiction. There are just enough faults and good qualities/skills that make the mix of her personality perfect -- absolutely believable and in no way phony, if you know what I mean.

Lucius, also, has wonderful portrayal in your writing. You keep that aristocratic and prideful manner about him in everything, while at the same time showing humanity there as well.

I love your character interaction in this story, though. The emotions of Siobhan are vividly portrayed, and it is extremely easy for a reader to connect with her -- feel as she's feeling, etc.

The dialogue is wonderful as well. There's nothing that seems too forced or unnatural, in my opinion, and it all just goes perfect with the two characters; Lucius maintains that level of power and arrogance, while Siobhan's inner confusion is manifested brilliantly. There's wonderful use of internal struggle in this piece as she battles against desire, regret, and a whole multitude of human emotions.

I also felt that your ending was especially poignant. It was simple, yet very emotional at the same time, and I absolutely loved it.

(I did, however, notice a few typos through the story, mostly just where a "the" or an "a" was missing, but since that was basically the only criticism I could up with -- and it's nothing major -- then that's saying something about this story.)

See, I told you it would be hard for me to put into words my feelings on this piece. It's written with utter skill and wonderfulness that all I can do is say "Fantastic Job!" once again.

I truly look forward to reading more of this pairing (which I first discovered in Sins of the Father, actually.)

~Megan

All I can say is "Wow!" That was a very wonderful story, and you did a great job in keeping both Snape and Dumbledore in character. (From the summary, I didn't expect those to be your two characters, but the story turned out terrific.) Your details and descriptions are fabulous and really help create a vivid picture in a reader's mind. I have to say I really enjoyed this description: The moon, an almost painful, freezing white shone its eerie glow over the landscape to illuminate a small hut in the grounds and the edge of the towering Quidditch pitch. The lake was as still as glass, fragile and vulnerable. It was a great way to set the emotion in the scene, without being too vague or conventional, and not to mention it was very skillful writing. (Great job on that!)

Author's Response: First off, apologies for taking a long time to respond - life has been insanely busy recently!

I'm so pleased you liked it! I'm happy that you thought I got the descriptions vivid as it was something I was trying to focus on. Also, I was trying to keep it emotional without going completely off the rails and losing the plot completely. As for skilled writing, all I can say in response is that I am honoured :)

Thank you so much for your review - I've got a huge grin on my face now!

~Stormy x

Wow! That's all I can say . . . Wow. That was beautiful, just extremely beautiful and heart-wrenching. (It almost reminds me of the song "Angels among us" or something like that. :) The ending was wonderful --- I absolutely loved it! When Remus finally yells out that he forgives Sirius, clutching the picture in his hand, I actually had tears in my eyes (which is not a very easy thing for a story to make me do). That's probably the biggest compliment that I can give to you on this beautiful and lovely piece. :) As soon as I finished it, the story went right into my "Favorites." Other than a few typos and formatting errors on the paragraphs (which didn't really take away from the story too much), the piece was fantastic. I definitely give it a 10, and best of luck in the challenge.

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks! This is only my first story, so I'm hoping it'll do pretty well in the challenge. Thank you again for your support!

The Phoenix Speaks by Slian Martreb

Hello.

First off, I wanted to say how much I enjoyed this one-shot. It was a very unique point of view to tell a story in, and I think that was one of the best aspects of this tale -- its uniqueness, really.

Overall, I think it was very good, and I particularly liked the first few paragraphs of the story. The imagery created in such simple lines is wonderful, and employing the opposites, for lack of a better word, to describe the age was fabulous. Lines like I am as old as the sun and the moon. as well as many others, just really help in creating a feeling of weariness, yet wisdom at the same time.

I did, however, notice a few minor typos, (and some of this might just be me reading too much into something).

he allowed himself be led on -- he allowed himself to be led on

Dumbledore was dead and the phoenix flew. -- Most of the story is told in a first-person point of view, and I'm not sure if you meant to use phoenix here, or if it was a slip into third person. To me, it felt out of place, like it was a slip up.

not even one as myself -- should this have the word "such" in it? -- not even one such as myself -- Personally, I think the "such" makes it flow a bit better.

Other than that, and to reiterate what I said earlier, I think this one-shot was very well-written, and by using first-person point of view, it made the story even deeper than had it been written in third.

Well done, overall.

~Megan

Author's Response:
Thank you. I do try to tell stories differently than anyone else....

Thank you for the lengthy review and the concrit.

Hello.

Firstly, I just want to say that I found this story very enjoyable. I've only read one other Hermione/Blaise in the past, and it had sort of turned me off of the pairing, but I figured I'd give this one a shot, and I was DEFINITELY not disappointed.

Perhaps one of my favourite parts of the whole story was the beginning description. The way you described the train station, as well as lend evidence to memories and such (in the first paragraph alone) was a great way to start out. It was extremely well-written, and I really enjoyed it.

Another thing that I particularly liked was the telling of the story in the present tense, rather than the past. It was very interesting; I haven't read many stories like this, and the few that I have stumbled across usually don't hold my interest, and I have trouble getting into the tense. This one-shot, though brief, did not have such a problem, I'm glad to say.

Now, for just a bit of criticism:

As he leans back on the bench, resting his arm on the black, steel lace Victorian designs that the designer loved so much, he stole them from the Muggles, he taps his foot in rhthym with the rain that's falling on the roof overhead.

I found this sentence a bit lengthy, and the wording was a bit awkward in parts, in my opinion. "[T]he black, steel lace Victorian designs that the designer loved so much, he stole them from the Muggles, he taps his foot ..." This part is where I think the awkwardness comes in slightly, with the insertion of the thought concerning how the designer took the designs from Muggles and such. Right off the top of my head, I can't think of some exact way to change it, other than to maybe use a dash to sort of separate that thought: "[T]he black, steel lace Victorian designs -- The designer loved them so much, he stole them from Muggles -- he taps his foot in rhthym with the rain that's falling on the roof overhead." Or something like that, anyway.

Finally, another thing that I loved, though, was Blaises's characterisation, and how the story was told. It was basically just a lot of thoughts of Blaises's, yet such works extremely well, and I enjoyed it because of that. The scenes were described realistically and vividly -- It was very easy to visualize the arrival of the train, for instance, and really connect with Blaise at those sorts of points.

Overall, I congratulate you on a one-shot story that was an enjoyable read, and very well- and skilled-written fic.

~Megan

Gah, first off, let me say that I've had this one-shot in my favourites for lord knows how long, but never seemed to review -- and I've even read it multiple times. (But I'm always so *very* bad when it comes to leaving a review.)



Anyway, here's one for all the times that I've read this story, yet never managed a review. (And please forgive me if it sounds slightly disjointed, as I'm typing most of it up as I read through the fic.)



Firstly, I'll say that the very beginning is nice. The sort of general emotion in it, it almost seems mundane, in a way -- the guard's actions being robotic, really, and it's like nothing out of the ordinary.



I also like the way it's told in present tense, personally. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of it (as I've seen it done poorly one too many times), but you pull it off very well here. It makes the piece even stronger, in my opinion, and I don't think past tense would have worked half as well with this fic as the present tense does.



In that life he had been Sirius Black; now he was only prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine. Very good line, here. There's a level of hopelessness, I guess, in it, and for so short a line in the fic, there's a good deal of power behind it, in terms of a loss of identity, really. *Hopes that makes sense*



But the memories flee like water in cupped hands. The image that this line produces is great, as well. I just really like the imagery here, and equating memories to water is interesting; it works well.



James’ glasses were lying smashed beside him. I like this, because the glasses seem like such a small detail, yet it's something that he remembers. People do that all the time, in terms of remembering those minor details to things.



Remus, eyes sought out in the crowd surrounding him and Peter, in the hope that he, at least would believe him. That look, of utter disappointment, of sorrow, disbelief, and hatred at what he, Sirius, was supposed to have done. This, too, is a great image/emotional scene. It has that one-last-hope-is-dashed feeling to it, if that makes sense. And the fact that, at this point, Remus is that last one who could/would believe him, and Sirius sees it destroyed; it's just an emotional image, I think.



I like your bit on Peter here, too. Sirius's views here are sort of the way that I've always felt he viewed the relationship of the Marauders, and with Peter as well. I can easily see him thinking that it had to be a joke, that what happened *couldn't* be real.



Adding in the bit about Peter pelting the others with snowballs was a nice touch, too.



How could anyone believe that he had killed James? I like this, just because it's the one, main question that I, myself, have always had about the whole thing. *What* happened to make everyone think that Sirius would betray James? It's like no one questioned the matter, no one looked for something that they might have been missing, and I've just always wondered *why* they didn't.



He stopped counting the days months ago. This line, too, reflects a sense of hopelessness, a sense of loss, if you will, and I think it really helps to capture Sirius's emotion and character very well during this time. Too many fics don't show this part of him -- It's almost like they'll write Azkaban as not really affecting Sirius much at all, but a line like this shows the descent into that area, shows that Sirius didn't just immediately fight off the Dementors' effects and cling to innocence. It's a good thing, I think, to show this side of him.



Sometimes he wonders if he is losing his mind. Same thing with what I said about the previous line. That descent into hopelessness, that wondering of sanity/insanity, etc. works really well in this fic.



I like the way the fic is divided in by the repeating numbers, and that the numbers *are* the "21431199". It, like the hopelessness and whatnot, help to show that level of emotion, that slipping further and further from his past, if you will.



Sirius had been vain about his hair. Snuffles doesn’t care. It seems you were going for portraying a sense of losing identity, a separation from the past. You're really achieving these levels here, I think, and hitting Sirius's character perfectly.



They used to bother Sirius though. Again, that separation, that idea that Sirius is the past identity, Snuffles (or Prisoner 21431199) is the present identity. Like I said earlier, I really think it works well, extraordinarily well.



Ah, I do like the fact that Fudge confered "with the assistant" before giving Sirius the paper. It's a bit of humour in this story, and it's just something that seems *so* Fudge-like.



The only thing that doesn't seem to work as well is Fudge's attitude. I guess he just seems a little *too* jovial, a little *too* light-hearted, for being in Azkaban. At the very least, I'd just see him being a bit more drawn, as well as a bit more distant (or even slightly cold) in talking to Sirius. After all, to the entire world, Sirius is nothing but a mass murderer and right-hand of Voldemort. I just don't see Fudge speaking as lightly or civily with him, but that's just my opinion.



For the first time in twelve years, Sirius felt alive. The reverting back to "Sirius" here after using "Snuffles" is a nice way to show the change in his character, in my opinion. It's a good way to show the 'prisoner' part of him being suppressed by that of his old self, the 'Sirius' part of him, the part from his past, if you will.



Perhaps he will think it over for another day or so. I like this line, showing a bit of hesitancy in Sirius. Too many writers just want to make the whole 'escape' thing as easy as possible, and don't work through emotions to this degree, but having Sirius hesitate for a bit makes it all the more *real*, makes his character all the more *human*, if you know what I mean.



Your description of his escape, especially the paragraph where Sirius finally gets outside and his senses become overwhelmed with everything, is just wonderful! Using words like "alive" and "heaven" to describe it give a clear separation from those words generally used to describe Azkaban, that of "death" and "hell", mainly. It was a nice thing to use their opposites, I think.



I also love the point when the memories return. You wrote it in such a way that makes it sort of emotional, in a way, and it just makes the reader give a cheer when that moment of happiness, of relief, of freedom comes, if you will.



But, perhaps one of my favourite lines throughout the whole fic is that ending statement:



Sirius is alive once more, prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine left behind in the foaming surf.



I think this line works perfectly, not just in the story, but is a GREAT way to end the piece. All through the fic, there were those moments with losing the identity; things like "Snuffles" or "Prisoner 21431199" replacing that of "Sirius". Those things were like a running theme throughout the story, and to end it with a line like this, with the 'return' of "Sirius", is just brilliant.



Now, since I wanted to make this a bit more rounded, there are a few nit-picky things that I noticed:



watching at the light through his small window I think the "at" should be "as" here.


laughs at the sheer insanity of it all, A bit nit-picky, perhaps, but I wouldn't have used "insanity of it all" so soon after using it in the previous paragraph. Just stopping with "insanity" or something perhaps would have worked better, in my opinion.



forgotten corner of his mind Again, a bit nit-picky, but the repeated use of "mind" after using it at the beginning of the sentence, just a few words back, isn't really needed. Something like "head" might have worked better, just so as to change it up.



the same small cell for the past twelve, Um, do you mean to have a "years" after the word, "twelve" in here?



Yes, some are typos, of course, but the beta in me just couldn't let these pass without mentioning them ;) .



Like I've mentioned repeatedly, though, I love this story, and it remains to be one of my favourites! The writing is absolutely superb (and I'm jealous at times with it), and your characterisation of Sirius is just great, without question. You seemed to hit all the aspects of his personality in terms of portraying him at this moment in his life, and I applaud you on that.



Well, I hope this (lengthy) review is enough for all the times that I (forgot) to review this fic!



~Megan

First off, allow me to say that I absolutely love your writing, not just in this story, but in your other works as well. You have a great talent in telling the story very powerfully and . . . Oh, I'm at a loss for words to describe this story and what I think of it.

I guess I'll just say that I think this story is wonderful. Very powerfully told, yet you don't drag the things out until they become dull, in a way. You're characterisation of Sirius is so insightful, and I just love the connections made to the rain. I've always felt rain is a great detail to include in stories, though it does tend to be in danger of being overkilled at times. This particular stories holds all the power in the symbolism of the rain and how Sirius feels towards it.

Like I said, this story is just wonderful. I really don't have any particular criticism about it. Though it's short, I think it works, and it probably would have hurt if made longer.

Again, and I can't seem to say this enough, I loved it, as well as all of your writing. There's a reason that you've been on my favourites for a while, after all!

~Megan

First off, let me say that this is a lovely piece, and very emotional. You did a fantastic job in portraying Ginny's feelings, and the language that you used throughout the story was simple yet elegant. It really helped in developing the right feel overall, I guess.

One thing that I will comment on, however, is that you do seem to use Ginny's name quite often, mostly in the beginning where Harry's proposing to her. It's not a major problem or anything, but I would think about not using her name as much, and just replace some of those with a "she" or something. Since there's only a few characters in this entire story, and the beginning is really just Ginny or Harry, the reader would still be able to know who you are referring to.

Also, I really liked the idea of the ring, and the emotional feelings behind it and whatnot. One of my favorite paragraphs throughout the entire story would have to be:

Once more, she looked down at her finger. One year ago, Harry had given the ring to her. One year ago today. Not once had she taken it off. Was it wrong to hold onto to those you loved even when they were gone?

It's such a true paragraph in the thoughts it portrays, especially in the last sentence, and I want to congratulate you on achieving just the right about of emotional and realistic believability.

I noticed, though, through the reading that there were a few typos, though nothing major.

After years of searching for horcruxes" (Horcruxes would need to be capitalized.)

She could feel tears forming in her own eyes as se (I think you were wanting to say "she" in that last word.)

Last, but not least, I love your choice of title for this story. Using the rain was beautiful, and it definitely helped to tie the ending right back up with the beginning of the story.

Overall, congratulations on writing such a wonderful story.

~Megan


Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I know that these long reviews can take a while to write, so I praise you for giving me your time! I thought it was funny, when you said that I used \'Ginny\' too much. See, I wrote this quite a while ago, and now my style is to scarcely mention names, so it just shows how much I changed! And I\'ll try to fix the typos. I was probably half asleep when I typed it, anyway. :P I\'m glad everyone seems to like the title and the rain/tears connection. That has to be my favorite part of the story. Thanks SO much for the truly lovely review!