I think the crucial point here is that, upon finishing reading this, I was shocked to realise that I didn't have enough time to review, but that I was nevertheless determined to seek it out later in order to do so properly. So here I am.

I'll start with the concept. When I found this, I was simply looking for something to read to pass the time, and your summary rather intrigued me. In fact, I can honestly say that this is one of the finest pieces of fanfiction I have ever had the pleasure to read. The story struck a chord in me immediately -- I don't think I've ever read something like this. It is absolutely heart-wrenching; the strength of your writing combined with the moving (and, in my eyes, realistic) depiction of war and how it affected these people and their lives has created something truly incredible. I'm not sure I can find words to tell you how much I enjoyed this.

After surviving a childhood fraught with her twin brothers Fred and George’s pranks and experiments, not much could shake the young witch. Except Harry Potter.

You have some fantastic characterisation here -- one of the many virtues of this story. Your portrayal of Ginny is exactly as I imagine her; she comes so to life through your writing. In this she is no longer an overprotected, insecure young girl, for the reader sees her blossom and find inner strength, and part of what makes this a joy to read is the 'character arc', if you will, which Ginny undertakes. A journey of self-discovery (though that may sound cliche). I don't mean to gush, but I think that I like your Ginny quite as much as J.K.'s -- I love her strength here, just as I love her stubborness in the books.

Ginny's meeting Seamus and Dean, I think, was a turning point in the fic. What I really liked here was that you seemed to be making a point about finding the balance between being excessively affectionate and complete emotional detachment. For Ginny to be strong in such terrible circumstances meant she had to set herself apart, but what I love is the points in which her humanity and that vulnerability (which she retains, to a certain extent, despite everything that has happened) shine through.

“Missus Weasley sent me to fetch you. Said you’d want to see one of these patients. Something about eyes the color of pickled toad?”

Oh, sweet Merlin.

This is just gorgeous. Something lovely and sweet and innocent that seems so incredible after everything that has happened. Even though it isn't much, the reader appreciates how much it means to Ginny, because the fic has allowed us to see everything as she does. It's just so well done.

This story is most certainly a credit to you. Indeed, I find it very difficult to criticise anything in it, which leaves me feeling rather embarassed for having gushed so much throughout this rather than being able to give you any feedback. Honestly, I wouldn't change anything, even if I could find something to pick apart.

Incidentally, my friends and I were recently talking about our favourites here on MNFF -- particularly outstanding stories -- and I was finding it difficult to recommend anything I was truly in awe of. I'm happy to say that today I have finally found something.

Author's Response: Well, Ms Weasley,

First, and a thousand times, thank you for this review, which has made my day, my week, quite possibly my year.

I think my favorite part of your review was to hear that my humble little story struck a chord with you, and that you think so highly of my portrayal of Ginny. She is such a complex and lovely character to write, and so often, I think, authors miss the mark of what she\'s really all about, so it warms my heart to hear that my Ginny ranks up there with JKR\'s representation of her.

I am truly so honored that you\'ve chosen my story as one of those that are particularly outstanding in your eyes, and I am glad that you read it.

Thank you, so much, Ms Weasley, for this really remarkable review. I do hope you read my others as well.

~Penni

As you know, I truly believe that a story of this quality deserves an extremely lengthy and detailed review, and therefore I am here to give it just that. Though I adore your writing in general, Rachel darling, I can safely say that this is just stunning. It has so much power and emotion that it left me in complete awe! I have to say, I love reading your earlier pieces and comparing them with your more recent -- you just keep improving and improving, which is the sign of an excellent writer (especially since most would have found it difficult to improve on a gem like Let the Rain Fall).

Well, I will start at the very beginning. Firstly, I love your choice of song -- the lyrics are just perfect -- and the fact that you chose to do this as a songfic. It is an unfortunate fact that some songfics lack strength of writing simply due to the fact that the authors rely too much on the lyrics of the song for all the meaning and the story becomes irrelevant. However, there is none of that here! In fact, your writing is so strong that I believe you could remove the lyrics entirely and it would still be wonderful, which I think is exactly how it should be. The lyrics should compliment the writing, not the other way around.

He knew not how long he had been sitting there on the floor, resting his head against the wall, trying to ignore the wave of emotions — sadness, fatigue, frustration — that continuously washed over him.

A fantastic start, Rachel. The first line of a piece of writing should, in one, captivate the reader, provide mystery, set the scene, and, in the very best pieces, encapsulate the entire theme of the story. This sentence is perfect in this -- it does exactly what it should do. The structure of the sentence alone shows exactly what a good writer you are -- you manipulate the sentence so that it flows beautifully, and the emotions, listed one after another, give a strong feeling of the hopelessness of Ron’s situation, emphasising that he has essentially reached ‘rock bottom’. I also like the use of ‘wave’ and ‘washed’, which create strong metaphorical images in my mind, of the sea, and the fact that the sea cannot be controlled. I could rant on for hours about your use of language -- this is the sort of thing I should be analysing for coursework. It certainly beats A View From the Bridge. ;)

He had never fully understood the word. He had always learned by living, knowing that a mistake was to be made with every wonderful moment that came.

This sentence gives a strong sense of your characterisation of Ron, and I very much like it. He seems rather wilful, independent, and impulsive, and in this way he reminds me of Ginny. I like that I can see resemblance between the two of them and that Ron is more than just the hothead some authors choose to portray him as. Every character needs layers -- needs to have many different parts of his/her character -- and you’ve certainly done this for Ron. This side of his character could be interpreted as a fault or a strength, which is lovely to see. There are many reasons why I love this fic so much, and the way you have written him is just one of them.

Only now did he know that his decision had been the wrong one. Only now did he know that it was too late.

Your repetition here creates a strong impact on the reader, and for this reason this is one of my favourite parts of the entire fic. It’s all about his realisation and the impact that it has had upon his life -- there is a hopelessness and a bitterness in this part that means the reader can really feel for Ron. At this point I just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was alright. Possibly my mothering instinct kicking in, but there you go. >.>

Author's Response: OMG MY KATER. *also hypervenalates* *in a good way* Like, ten-thousand and thirty-four squishes to you, my dear, for like the BESTEST REVIEW IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. You have no idea how much I love this. And how much I love you. And...*dies* I\'M NOT WORTHY.

Okay. Pretty much... WOW. Probably not the most intelligent way to start this review, but it does sum up how I feel about it. You know, honestly, Chapter One is still my favourite of the three, but this ending is so... I want to say it in one word, but I actually can't. It's beautiful, because of your language and the flow of the sentences. It's dark and dramatic and almost, I don't know, haunting that it should end with such a bang (though I suppose it did start with one... and I just read that again, and no, it was not a dirty pun). All the fire that has been in their relationship so far is evident in their argument, and there’s passion and also hurt, and it just works so very well.

Just as she watched him disappear down the street, the distant sound of thunder met her ears. It seemed there was another storm coming.

This is definitely my favourite line in the entire fic, because I think the parallel and the recurring symbolism is simply gorgeous. It’s a simply wonderful concept that you have going with this, and I actually love that you didn’t overstretch it – you stuck to a fixed amount of chapters. A lot of authors make the mistake of thinking that producing a lot of chapters amounts to a good fic, where in actual fact, less is more. Just out of interest, is the new storm a metaphor for something else that could possibly happen? Did you mean for it to hint at something further, or was it just tying it back to the start?

Right, well, whilst I’m doing some general commenting, I’m going to give you the only piece of proper concrit that I have on this fic -- I hope you don’t mind. The only thing I would have like to have seen more of was building Lucius and Hermione’s relationship. I mean, I do like that it was an almost spontaneous thing, but I do like to see sexual tension built. I think it’s nice to see things develop. Hee. But really, that’s just personal preference. It actually does work the way you’ve written it – it’s very fast paced, and I like that.

Okay. Other plot details. I loved the concept of Luna as a Healer, for starters. I think that was definitely original, and yet believable. I’ve read a lot of Luna-centric stories in which she has taken over from her father as editor of the Quibbler, which is a nice idea, but I’ve now read it so many times that I find it rather dull. And it’s nice to see Luna have such a good job – she’s nice enough to be suited to that sort of career, and after all, she is a Ravenclaw. I like Lucius’ excuse to invite Hermione around; I found it very plausible that he would use something like that to his advantage. Hermione’s reaction to Lucius’ house-elf was also a nice touch which added to your strong characterisation here.

Okay, onto more particulars:

And so it came to be that Hermione Granger was walking along a smart street just twenty-five minutes later, observing the very tasteful buildings that lined it, each with its own small garden at the front. She found it a little odd that each one seemed to look almost identical, and although she had to admit it looked very elegant, something about the restrained atmosphere made her feel very self-conscious.

Probably my favourite paragraph in Chapter Two, because I feel you’ve really entered into Hermione’s character and emotions here. Our surroundings really do affect our perception and how we feel, and you’ve used this to your advantage. The ‘And so it came to be…’ really appeals to me, possibly because it’s a lovely Tolkein-esque way of writing, and it sounds so quaint and yet lovely at the same time. (That was a compliment, by the way.) The ‘restrained atmosphere’ seems to suit Lucius down to the ground, and when I was reading it I really got a feel for Hermione’s surroundings, and how almost out-of-her-depth she felt. *bows to teh Sarah, Queen of Making Kate Sigh Wistfully*

Upon his return, he set them down on the table and leant over her seat, his face dangerously close to hers. Hermione felt the gentle heat of his breath in her ear as he murmured, “Needing to take control, I see…fascinating.”

Excellent! I love the sexual tension and the sense of fascination that Lucius has for Hermione. I can actually see why he would find her intriguing – after all, she is easily on his level intellectually, and something of a challenge. You make the pairing very believable. What I will say is, however, your plotline works all the better for having their relationship end. After all, all the passion and the fire their relationship is based on comes from their challenging one another, and their… arguing, almost. And whilst that relationship is exciting and passionate, sooner or later it is going to implode and come crashing down around them.

She stopped trying to understand. She simply felt.

Another reason why Lucius/Hermione isn’t solid enough to ultimately overcome their problems – they don’t have a good enough understanding of their feelings for one another and so can’t really work through everything. However, I do think this is a gorgeous ending to the chapter – you really nail your last lines, my dear. I think it’s natural for someone like Hermione, who always has to understand and know things, to be curious about something that she can’t possibly comprehend. Perhaps that’s what attracts her to Lucius?

Looking at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror, she knew she couldn’t let him win like this.

Oooh. Perfect. Because isn’t that what their relationship really is? A power struggle? They’re both naturally competitive people.

And so he turned away from her with a swish of his cloak, opened the door and stepped through it into the cold evening. Hermione never did take her eyes off him, and he never looked back.

And this line just about made me die. It’ll be stuck in my memory for a long time, because it’s just so heavy with meaning and anger and desire, and again you can see the strength of your closing lines, Sarah.

I’m so glad that you nudged me in the direction of this, because it really is a fantastic piece of writing. I’m not sure that this storyline would have worked half as well as it did if you hadn’t constructed it so well. There are lines that I’m completely in love with. Kudos to you, dearest, and also congratulations for finishing it!

Author's Response: Firstly, Sarah should let Kate know that she almost died when reading this review. In a good way, my dear, naturally. <3 I am literally thrilled out of my mind that you liked this story, because I have always had a soft spot for it myself. I loved writing it because of all the sexual tension...not that I\'m at all dirty or anything. The last line...a lot of people have said they liked that, and I have to say it turned out really nicely for something I hadn\'t even really planned! It doesn\'t really symbolise anything, although that\'s an interesting idea...but yes, all that was meant by it was linking the story into a full circle. And now about the building of the rel;ationship - you know, I would almost like to have done more with it too, but originally it was just going to be a one-shot, and after I realised that I needed more chapters, I wasn\'t in a hurry to lengthen it even more. However, when I came back to it to post it [because this was written at least 8 months ago] I did want to add more, but I couldn\'t really get into the story a much as before, so I didn\'t feel comfortable with writing parts that could just end up jarring with the rest. /long run-on sentences Luna as a Healer - well, I\'ve always thought she\'d really suit it, and I needed someone who\'d be likely to want a book, but wouldn\'t tie Hermione back to the past too much [like on of the Weasleys]. I\'m glad you mentioned hat paragraph in Ch2, because boy, did it take me long to write. It couldn\'t seem to sit right with me for ages. So I am SO happy to hear that it was oneof your favourite bits! I had to try to convey Hermione\'s uncertainty and how much Lucius could dominate their relationship.Oh, and I love that you think I\'m Tokein-esque...more praise than I deserve, I daresay. Your feelings on the realtionship are exactly what I thought when I was challenged to write this - Lucius/Hermione can never work for a long time, as it\'s all built on experimenting with the unfamilar, which eventually has to lose it\'s appeal. Yes, Hermione is definitely with Lucius because he\'ssuch a complex sort of person, and nothing like anybody she\'s known before. As for Hermione\'s determination - yes, she doesn\'t like being fooled, and she certainly won\'t let him walk away thinking he got her. When he leaves, it\'s all about the struggle between their willpowers, because neither one wants to show any sign of weakness. I can\'t believe how much you really understand of the ideas behind my writing, seriously! It\'s amazing. Thank you ever so much for all your wonderful compliments, and for leaving me such a wonderful review! Whee!

Um, pretty much guh. Is what I have to say. Guh.

Aren't I eloquent today?

So, yes. I happened by this story through the banner in your signature and the knowledge that I had promised you a review for the beautiful banner you made me for Defining Moments (for which I will be eternally grateful). I was shocked to see that this hasn't yet received any reviews, and so I plan to remedy that. Even if this is horribly late. *shifts guiltily* Let me say, to begin with, that this is a very strong case of less is more. It’s so beautifully written and so much emotion and mystery is captured in a piece that most definitely leaves me wanting more.

After nine months of agony, Anita Trelawney held a baby in her arms.

Your first line struck me as intensely interesting. Primarily, it told me that the subject of the story was Sybil Trelawney, which I thought was a wonderful idea -- I haven’t yet come across another that focuses on her and the idea certainly intrigued me. Your choice of words here is very enigmatic -- ‘agony’ suggests to me that perhaps Sybil was not wanted by her mother. Am I right in thinking that? Clearly she was by her father, but perhaps it was more a case of what he wanted than what his wife did? Or was the pain that Sybil caused her mother simply the fear that she would have the gift? Perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions, but I love this rich portrayal of the environment in which Sybil would have grown up -- it’s just wonderful. The different characters: her mother, father, siblings. And her grandmother, most of all. I do love a good eccentric. ;)

The eyes were the second thing she noticed — odd, it was, that a newly opened window into this world should already have so much stirred within it.

This line pretty much made me die. It’s so wonderfully phrased and beautifully poetic, arguably the best line in the story (I say ‘arguably’ because I cannot decide myself what is my favourite, there are so many to choose from). Your imagery in this is absolutely indescribable; I will say that. It really makes the story, my dear. And your style of writing is utterly captivating.

The unspoken question lingered in the air, a bitter taste like the musty stench of dry rot that crept at the foot of the house — like a gift that was both wanted and not-wanted, both awed and disgusted, so not a gift at all.

Oh, this is so indescribably gorgeous that I’m completely in love with it. The question lingering, and the idea of the gift being both attractive and repulsive to Sybil’s family. The one small thing I would change here is ‘not-wanted’, which I would either have as ‘not wanted’, without being hyphenated, or ‘unwanted’. (Apologies -- nitpicking is something of a compulsion for me.)

Those who were not acquainted with the Trelawney family (who despite three whole generations had still not rid themselves of suspicion) steered clear of the cottage where soon, wails and screams of new life and of old and of the bridging of the two cut the silence.

God, this is just so fascinating, really. I love these little details that you include that make the family seem all the more real (and all the more adorable for being slightly strange). I cannot help but feel sorry for Sybil, for it seems that had she been raised in a different way, she might not have been so convinced of her being special, and therefore been more accepted in society. And then there’s the whole concept of her bringing doom with her, and it just seems so sad and so terrible, it’s heartbreaking and awe-inspiring at the same time.

There was always that hope (which was really quite hopeless) that the grandmother had predicted wrong and that this child had merely been troubled at birth, but would grow up healthily and happy and laughing, living a long life with the usual burdens that life brought upon oneself, live a normal life and not (lest history repeated itself) end its days prematurely (tragically) on a hardship of guilt and dying promise.

Simply OUTSTANDING writing here. Really -- it just astounded me. I love the paradoxical ‘that hope (which was really quite hopeless)’, and the almost afterthoughts that the words in parentheses add. I actually had to read this several times over in order to enjoy the impact of it.

Your final paragraph blew me away. Even as I thought that you couldn’t really get any stronger with this, the wonderful vocabulary and power of the last two lines was extraordinary. And yes, I’m gushing, but I really can’t help it. I’m rather in awe of your writing now.

Honestly, I have no overall criticisms to make, only a few small grammar errors (I hope you don’t mind -- it’s the beta coming out in me):

The baby had no cried no whimpered though a storm raged in its eyes.

I believe it should be ‘the baby had not cried nor whimpered’.

“Storm-eyes”, she repeated softly.

“Yes. This child will be a Seer”.

“Stormy eyes, I see the soul stirring behind her lids, the future hidden in her dark pupils”, whispered the grandmother.

With these three lines, simply a case of misplaced comma and period -- they should be before the quotation marks.

(not-understood nor believed but not wholly unappreciated)

Again, just a case of ‘not understood’ being two words.

the tales of the grandmother who had died young — seeing perhaps, the foretold doom of her own future, that this child would face the same.

I think here the comma before ‘that this child’ should be a dash.

I have probably gone on for quite long enough, but I thought you should know just how much I enjoyed reading this. It certainly deserved a good long review, and will without doubt have a place reserved on my favourites.

Thank you again, Suzie.

Author's Response: ZOMG thank you so much for the awesome review Kate!! Sorry for the delay in replying!

I’m glad you picked up on the ‘agony’. I wanted the emphasis, not that her mother didn’t want her exactly, but that she had been a difficult child to carry to term and also, yes, about the fear that she would have this troubling gift. The title ‘Stormy Eyes’ was given to us already for this challenge, and the first thing that I thought of when I came to search for a bunny, was the image of troubled eyes that perhaps know too much, like a seer of some sort.

Thanks for the tip about hyphens. I tend to love poetry so much that my writing gets a bit carried away with odd punctuation and phrases. Heh.

Thanks for the lovely review! *huggles* <33