Great story! Very intriguing start... I love how you can already tell each individual character apart with their own personalites.
Again, a great chapter! I liked the way you've used the sorting hat to describe the underlying characteristics of Celia's character - for instance, we wouldn't have known that she is loyal. I also love Sirius' character - it must one of thefirst I've come across where he's not a just a sexy body and idiotic mind or just a angst-ridden person, but a mix of the two. Well done!!
Again, great chapter! I really enjoyed the dialogue between the Mauraders, as well. Just a few quibbles (Sorry, I'm VERY picky) - in the paragraph when Bremen helps Celia up from the table, its gentleman, not gentlemen. and in the paragraph about the delay in Qudditch, what's with the cheers AND the groans? They're contradicting each other. I get the cheers is for the opening and the groans are for the delay, but itisn't immediately apparent. Sorry about the quibbles - I just am very picky! Again, great chapter!
Great chapter - I almost laughed out loud! Great start, it gets the reader's attention. I also loved how Celia just explodes at every and any little aggravation, especially when Lily and Alice 'looked knowingly at her'. 'You're both mad!'
WOW!! I'll say it backwards: WOW! (A quote from my Eng teacher.)That pretty much describes my opinion. The werewolf scene is brilliant - it's exciting and terrifying at the same time. The imagery is awesome - I really had a film clip running through my head based on the desription. Well done!
makinmagic323 - this in an intriguing start to the story. I have to say, McGonagall seems a little out of character - the impression I get from JKR's McGonagall is that she'd rather teach the subject herself than let a substandard teacher enter the distinguished halls of Hogwarts! Otherwise, you leave the question of what happened to Harry/Landon hanging very nicely...
Author's Response: There's a reason for McGonagall's strange behavior... ;)
Hermione is shocked! Ooohh... what will happen? Draco makes me laugh! He seems exactly like an annoying buzzing fly or pestering three-year-old that Hermione just can't seem to shoo away.
Author's Response: Im glad you liked it!
makinmagic - I think you've fallen into a (sadly) very common writing mistake: the heroine doesn't have to be beautiful, the hero ruggedly handsome. Jo's Hermione has bushy hair, and no mention is made of her figure. Don't bother writing what the character looks like: we know! We've read the original story! Focus your time on the plot and on the characterization. Draco's glasses = characterization. Harry's looks = hints to his identity, and thus furthers the plot. Your description of Hermione doesn't add to the plot. (Besides, Harry was friends with her for years and never notived what she looked like...)
Sorry if this is sounding so negative. It's frustrating to see a good writer and a good story fall into the traps of using the cliches. Please take this as it is intended: as constructive criticism! (Perhaps this technique will help: when you finish each chapter, read through it and ask: is this scene original? do the descriptions add to the plot? Have I used any cliches? if I cut this out, would the story be cable to continue without it? etc... hope this helps!)
Author's Response: Constructive criticism rocks! So thank you =) And I definitely wrote the first three chapters very quickly and just as something random in the beginning... so I definitely plan on rewriting parts of it when I'm all finished, haha. Thanks for you comments and concerns!
Yay! this chapter was much better than the last! I'm finding that Harry as the 'mysterious stranger' is very nice... (fangirlish of me?!) I'm also very much linking your creation of Kip... I can alreadly see how this cheeky character is going to liven things up!
Author's Response: Definitely fangirlish of you! ;D
Hi - This is a lovely chapter! Very sweet, and I love the way Ariadne is just so knowing of what's happening between Remus and herself, even if Remus didn't want to acknowledge it. Just to let you know - there is a formatting error on this page: all the text is italicised. I don't know whether it was a mistake or something is wrong with the page, but I just thought I'd let you know, if you didn't already :)
Author's Response: Dear Kaity, Thanks for the hint about the formatting. I\'ve now fixed it. And I love this chapter too! Thank you so much for appreciating both Ariadne and my take on Remus. Regards, GhV
Hi Kerichi - I just had a leave a quick note to say I'm loving all these short stories over the last few weeks. I rarely read fanfiction these days and the only reason I still have an account on this site is to keep an eye on the few truly excellent authors I loved. Thanks for sharing your creativity! I enjoy seeing the next generation through your eyes. (My favourite stories of yours were the Tonks and Lupin series... if you have an AU where they survived, I would love to read it and let that be my personal headcanon!) Best wishes.
Author's Response: Hi! I'm so happy that you've been reading my stories even though your life is busy and you don't read
much fan fiction anymore! That's such an heartwarming compliment, and I appreciate it. I do happen to have a 13 chapter story where Remus and Tonks survived the final battle, although Bellatrix has done a job on Tonks's memory and Remus has to hunt for his family. I would love for it to be your headcanon. Do a title search for Dark Angel and you'll see it. Here's the summary:
Survival. Separation. Reunion. Death cannot stop true love; all it can do is delay it for a while.
*A DH alternate ending story.*
Thank you so much for making my day! :)