I laughed so hard I woke up my parents (they were not happy). Keep up the good work.
I absolutely love this story. I started a thread about it on the Quidditch pitch on CoS forums and it's really popular too. My favourite chapters are the ones with the new letters to Dumby. They're hilarious.
Author's Response: Cool - I\'ll have to check it out! The letters were fun to write - I\'m really pleased you enjoyed reading them. Thanks for reviewing!
Ooh, this is a VERY good story. I'm sorry I didn't review every chapter. I just couldn't bring myself to stop in between them!
To me, what really makes this story rise a step above the rest (other than the impeccable grammar and spelling, of course) is the originality. I would have expected Dumbledore as a child to be a good version of Tom Riddle, but what you do is much better.
And telling the story from the point of view of a... well I don't know exactly who's telling it (am I supposed to know, or did I miss something?) Anyhow, it's a good idea. I also like the whole setting and how true you are to the Potterverse despite being in a completely different era.
I look forward to updates!
~ Melodie
That was such an unbelievably beautiful story, I'm speechless. Stories NEVER make me cry, I can't believe yours did.
The things I liked best about it was the way emotions were conveyed so well. Each and every character was grieving, but they all did so in their own unique way.
It also made me realize how attached I had gotten to the character (Hermione). I rarely like one-shots, but yours was great.
The only bit of criticism I have (and this is me being extremely picky, because there's virtually nothing wrong) is that I think there's a few verb tense errors at the beginning. It makes it a bit confusing.
I think you did a spectacular job, I loved it.
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Thank you very much, Melodie. Your tears flatter me.
Hi. I know I'm about 20 chapters behind, but I just stumbled upon this story and found it completely brilliant. You are honestly one of the best writers I have seen on this site.
I think you have a Jo-ish quality to your writing. You portray Harry's world exactly as I imagine, too, and your grammar and spelling are excellent. Good job :)
The only thing I wanted to say before I go and read the next 20 chapters is that I thought Ron and Hermione were going to the Dursleys' with Harry. Isn't that what hey all said in HBP?
Anyway, good job again!
~ Melodie
Author's Response: It may be--I\'d have to reread the end again. I thought Harry was going alone and had promised to reunite with them for the wedding. I took away the point that he was going to the Dursley\'s with the promise of one more blissful day with Ron and Herms--the wedding--in the future. But if I goofed that up, well, plans change.
Yay, only sixteen chapters to go! This will be a short review, because I don't have much. I just wanted to say that this chapter is impressively creative. I love it. Keep up the great work :)
~ Melodie
PS: Will there be any romance any time soon?
Author's Response: Well, yeah, there will be, but not quite what you probably think. And it won\'t come up until after Christmas.
(quote)he felt an unexpected but compelling impulse to lean forward and kiss her. (end quote)
Oh my goodness!!! That was... interesting... I really loved the part where Harry couldn't even kill an ant though, it was so funny, and unexpected but made perfect sense.
Oh, and I remembered a question I've been meaning to ask. Didn't Harry say he wouldn't tell anyone besides Ron and Hermione about the Horcruxes? So why does the whole Order know when he didn't want to tell McGonagall in HBP?
Anyway, this chapter was really good. Ondossi being an Animagus is a really good twist. And I also forgot to tell you a whole bunch of chapters ago how I love the idea of a Legilimagus. I like it when new magical abilities are introduced in stories.
I've been reading all day, can't wait to read more!
~ Melodie
Author's Response: The Near Smooch: well, they\'d had a rather tender moment and all. Horcruxes: THere was a TEENY sentence in Chapter 4 about this--that Dumbledore had left info about the Horx in his will, because he intended Harry to have HIS help in finding them, but if he were to die, he didn\'t want Harry to have to hunt them on his own--which, come on, Dumbledore lost his hand and barely survived the two HE found, how is a Junior Wizard like Harry supposed to find AND survive all the others? Besides, I thought it was about time for the rest of the Wiz World to start picking up their end of the stick...
Sorry I didn't review the last few chapters, I was too caught up in the story to stop reading. I have a few things to say. First of all:
Harry/Tonks???
Okay I'm just joking. Drunk Ron ws funny, he seemed kind of like he did in the DoM when he was hit by a DE's spell... Ondossi is definitely spooky. I like her though.
I like the way you write Fred and George. It's like they're still the same, but more grown up. I also like the subtle way that Harry is starting to call more people by their first names. I'm so glad Lupin got to humiliate Scrimegour at last!
This is getting better all the time. I love it!
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Glad to hear it! H/T: Naw, just a bit of harmless flirting. That Tonksy is so free-spirited. First Names: Glad you picked up on that--it\'s supposed to be a subtle effect of him A) growing up and B) growing into his newfound magic. FnG: They always get the best lines.
Another review! This chapter was fascinating, but I'm getting a Harry/Hermione vibe from it. *shudders*
Anyway... Ondossi's explanation of her life was incredible. Scary but moving, kind of. Are you a writer, like professionally?
~ Melodie
Author's Response: H/H: Nah. Well, maybe...Nah. I perceive Harry as getting more comfortable/flirtatious around Girls In General, having finally gotten some decent snogging in Book 6, plus coming of age/growing into his new magic.
I\'m sort of a professional writer, you might say, in that I do write for a living, but not fiction--I\'m a consultant for law firms. Heirs of Slytherin is just a gift for my kids.
Darn you! Trying to make me cry :(
Hehe, just kidding. Well not really, you almost did make me cry, but that's okay. Harry's so smart, it's awesome. The best part of this chapter was Hagrid saying "you're a man now, can't boss you around". That was so like Hagrid. You really understand the characters well.
~ Melodie
Author's Response: *grin*
Dun dun dun, what a dramatic ending! I saw it coming, but I didn't expect him to be in skeleton form. It sounds like he's wearing a wedding ring though. Why the heck would he be wearing that? Anyway...
I really like Harry and Ondossi's relationship, it's fun to read. I hope we see more of Harry/Ginny soon, too. I really love how this is playing out :)
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Great!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not a cliffie, please not a cliffie!
I don't understand the whole things with the fishing pole. It's like Sirius is "inside" the veil, and he can get things that are thrown in with his pole, and suddenly he just got out? It's really strange, I can't wait to see how he did it.
Please update soon :)
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Well, what I envision was that Fawkes showed up and \"cast\" in his magic, which we\'d seen in the graveyard takes the \"shape\" of a red monofilament. That\'s what pulled him out, but it cost Fawkes another \"life.\"
I know I already posted a review, but I wanted to ask a question. I just finished Fair Exchanges (I have to say it's good. Please don't be offended, for me that's a huge praise, seeing as I hate Snape/Hermione fics!) and in that story Hermione mentions that she doesn't want Snape to look at her dreams, just like she does in this one, but is it just a coincidence or are they the same dream? Because if they are the same surely you won't include it in this story if you're writing it for your son?
Yeah, anyway, that's all I wanted to know.
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Hee hee, it\'s funny, I have my own little Fanon whirlwind going between these stories. They contradict and yet compliment one another in funny ways. Fair Ex actually started as a way to describe Hermione\'s dreams, because I originally had the idea that she and Harry would go through that process--and obviously I\'m not reading that to my 9-year-old! But once I started her up with Snape and Occlumency lessons, it just took off on its own. I think the dream stuff happened in, what, Chapter 18? So, to answer your question: Yes, Hermione has the same dreams, but they WON\'T get discussed in Heirs of Slytherin. It\'ll just be a mystery to ponder in this particular tale. Hee hee.
SQUEEEEE!!! You included Umbridge in the story, I'm so happy! I wasn't sure if you would...
I like the dream Fenn has at the end, it's really creepy. And he seemed kind of like Sirius at the beginning, where he ace all his exams and girls sighed when he flicked his hair.
Hehe, I loved this chapter. I can just feel the suspense (“There are a lot of rumors about that town... werewolves, they say.”) *shudder*
Great job, as always. Please update soon :)
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Hey Melodie! Thanks so much for your review.
Yep, Umbridge is there alright! I figured she\'d offer a bit of comic relief in tense train scene, so in she went! She was actually really, really fun to write. Of course, you get all the credit. =) I\'m so glad you suggested to include her.
I\'m glad you liked the dream and the suspense. The shudder was exactly what I was aiming for. =)) I just lurvee forshadowing. ;)
Anyways, thanks for your review! I\'ll update soon, hopefully, but I\'m trying to make this chapter longer than the others--it might take a while longer. =) Thanks for reading and reviewing! *huggles*
I'm so sorry I didn't review right away. I didn't know you'd updated because I was in California. Anyway...
My compliments for writing such a fabulous chapter. I'm about to pass out from exhaustion but I couldn't stop myself from finishing! The ending of this one is so... so... suspenseful. Even though I know Fenn's been bitten, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Hehe, the fat healer sort of reminds me o Umbridge...
My only concrit is that you're sort of switching unpredictably between Fenn and Michael's POV's, which can be rather confusing. But other than that, Fantastic!!! You're just as amazing as ever (if not more).
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Melodie! *tackles*
I\'m so glad to hear you had fun in California--I bet it was a blast. =) Oh, and I\'m thrilled that you like the chapter, too. =D Thanks so much for the sweet review!
As for the switching point of view... Yeah, my beta pointed that out but I decided to keep it. >.> <.< *giggles*
*hugs* Fenn
OK, first of all I have to say that this was absolutely awesome. I just finished reading it and it's late at night and I feel really freaked out...
I love how this was from Michael's point of view. You have a gift for capturing a mood, setting or atmosphere perfectly, and in this case we could really feel the father's fear and parental instincts as well as the creepy-ness of the whole scene. I hope we find out later on who the werewolf actually was...
The only concrit I can offer is that I doubt a river would still be running with blood hors later, because that's a lot of blood. But I understand that you did that for dramatic effect, so it doesn't really matter. Oh! And when the word gray isn't a name it's spelled with an A...
Good job, I can't wait for the next part.
~ Melodie :)
Author's Response: *sneaks up behind Melodie and howls in her ear* *giggles*
Hey Melodie! Sorry I freaked you out.. I have that effect on some people (Kidding!)
Thank you so much for your review! *glows* I\'m flattered. I was rather worried that the transition to Michael\'s PoV might throw some people off or ruin the flow of the story, and I\'m glad to hear that it turned out fine. =D And thanks so much for the compliments about the atmosphere, etc.... I\'m flattered!
Ah yes, about the blood. You were right--it was just for dramatic effect. =P It was actually a tiny creek though, so I like to think that there\'s a tiny chance that it was possible. :) And as for grey... I\'m pretty sure the British spelling is with an \"e\", I\'ll have to check somewhere.. But thanks!
Thank you so much for your review! As always, it means a lot! ~Fenn
Author's Response: *sneaks up behind Melodie and howls in her ear* *giggles*
Hey Melodie! Sorry I freaked you out.. I have that effect on some people (Kidding!)
Thank you so much for your review! *glows* I\'m flattered. I was rather worried that the transition to Michael\'s PoV might throw some people off or ruin the flow of the story, and I\'m glad to hear that it turned out fine. =D And thanks so much for the compliments about the atmosphere, etc.... I\'m flattered!
Ah yes, about the blood. You were right--it was just for dramatic effect. =P It was actually a tiny creek though, so I like to think that there\'s a tiny chance that it was possible. :) And as for grey... I\'m pretty sure the British spelling is with an \"e\", I\'ll have to check somewhere.. But thanks!
Thank you so much for your review! As always, it means a lot! ~Fenn
Author's Response: o.O Oops... I thought the computer was freezing up, so I guess I clicked one too many times..
Oh my goodness, that was really good in a sad creepy sort of way. I want to compliment you on your excellent grammar and spelling, it's very refreshing.
Also, I like the idea of having "Fenn" really innocent and happy before he's bitten, it gives me a sense of anticipation and foreboding.
I have nothing to criticize, good job!
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Aww thanks so much Melodie!
Yeah, I thought I\'d try to show a different side of him... It seems that all the fics that mention Greyback inevitably inlude some Fenrir-bashing. I know he\'s horrible as an adult, but no one is just born bad--so I decided to show his good side in my fic.
Thanks so much for your lovely review, and all the *amazing* help you\'ve given me! I can\'t tell you how much I appreciate it.
Author's Response: *throws hands up in air*
Wow, trust me to say \"inlude\" in response to a review complimenting my spelling. Silly me. And I have no idea why those random slashes are showing up all throughout the response, I swear it wasn\'t me! =P
ARGH! You're killing me, how could this be any more suspenseful?
Seriously though, this chapter was just as awesome, if not more, than all the others. I like the eerie setting of it best, I think. In the woods, when the sun is setting... Oh by the way, this is something I've been meaning to comment on for a while, but I always forget. I love how Fenn is always in character. You've made up a completely original personality for him, and managed to stick to it. I know how hard that can be.
Just a teensy bit of concrit, again, because there's really not much to give! I noticed that in several paragraphs, you use the same adjective many times in the same sentence. Like "the little group went down the little hallway" and stuff like that. You might want to watch out for that...
So once again, congrats! This is a wonderful story and I might just have to kill you if you don't update soon :)
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Hey Melodie!!
I\'m so happy that you like the chapter! I\'ve recently discovered how much I love creating eerie settings, so I went all out in this chappie. =P I actually wasn\'t particularly pleased with this one, but I\'m sooo thrilled that you think it was good. XD Also, I\'m awfully glad that you like my characterization of Fenn. He\'s such a fun character to write--I can\'t wait to develop him more after the bite.
Thanks for your suggestions! I really, really appreciate them, and I\'ll definitely keep them in mind!
o.o Well, you\'ve definitely convinced me to update soon! =P Though I hope you realize that if you kill me, no more updates at all! *dials up a couple of Aurors to keep tabs on Melodie*
Thanks again! ~Fenn
Author's Response: Oh, by the way, I haven\'t seen you around the beta boards too much--I miss you! How\'re you doing? =)
Hey, sorry I didn't review earlier, I hadn't seen that the chapter was validated. Great job, this chapter was even better (and sadder) than the last one.
I really like how Fenn is essentially a good boy who seems to be succumbing to peer pressure. I would never have imagined him that way before I read your story, but it does make sense. I can only imagine what will happen once he's bitten.
One teensy bit of concrit: Augustus seems kind of OOC at times. Like at the beginning he smiles and calls Fenn "mate", but then he all of a sudden starts to act cold and cruel.
But overall I loved it. Keep up the good work and please update soon :)
~ Melodie
Author's Response: Hey Melodie!! *huggles*
Thanks for your review, and I\'m glad you like the chapter. I really tried to put a different side to Fenn, while trying to make it believable, and I\'m glad you think I succeeded in that! =))
Hmmm... Well, I suppose I could say that in the beginning he, too, is innocent, but as he\'s exposed to the other Slytherins he grows crueller. (TRANSLATION: You\'re absolutely right, I see what you mean. I\'ll go back and try to tweak things a little when I have more time),
Thanks so much for your review, Melodie! (And, by the way, I should have your chapter of FooL [ha ha] soon.) =D
Aww, that was beautiful! I think you're a great poet. The rhyming was original and kept me interested.
My favorite part was this one:
"I wonder, if I were to die tomorrow,
Which of us would bear the heaviest sorrow?"
I can feel the emotion. In fact you're really good at capturing the way characters would act. Harry's nobleness (is that a word?) and determination.
I'm sorry I don't have much concrit to offer. I'm not so good at reviews...
~ Melodie