I love Harry Potter and writing...so here I am! I also really enjoy 'Lost' (I know I'm so predictable!) House (Hugh Laurie is AMAZING!!!)...I'm also known to be critical (of everything so my friends say) and cynical......
This story really is verging on being pornagraphic! You do realise that if Hermione and Harry are adults in this fiction Snape will be verging on becoming an old man and hardly one to draw away Hermione.
Also by placing Hermione/Snape's daughter in Slytherin you are suggesting people are simply the sum of their parents genes. That they are born already programmed with how they are going to grow up to be. I disagree, I think if a child grows up and is taught Gryffindor morals she could become a Gryffindor. But that is nature or nurture. I believe in nurture.
The writing is good. But it suffers because it follows the same sort of plotline television soaps visit and revisit over and over again. Girl has affair, girl gets pregnant, husband/boyfriend finds out gets angry, child finds out gets angry.
An interesting story, but it's more like a strung together mix of theories really. A bit of doctor who, Harry Potter and mixed identity all thrown in together. I've heard a theory like this before, I can't say I believe it though. Dumbledore withdraws Dumbledore's memories from his own head, you could explain this off with some technicality but it's all just way too complex and not satisfying enough to be a real answer.
You get the character's behaviour just right though, and there are so many fan fictions where they change the character completely.
Also, HEY! You're from England as well, I didn't know how many Brits there were on this site! .
The bitter taste of rejection. I've been forced to taste it often because of mugglenet so I don't feel guilty in saying head over to harry potter fan fiction at http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=161135 where it's already up.
Nice retaliation! And after all this time I've finally got you to justify your reason for your belief Harry loves Hermione. It's been a long road but we got there in the end. I don't expect them to tell each other constantly why they love each other or obviously state to the reader why they love each other in dialogue. But when you read a story you step into the mindset of the character, you hear their deepest, most secret thoughts and feelings and I just felt Harry would, through his own thoughts in the story think more about Hermione and his love for her. There's quite a lot of action to this story and it jumps from event to event so much the characters just don't seem to reflect on their feelings much. With the exception of Ron's feelings of doubt over Luna, characters rarely question what their decisions are.
Harry doesn't stop and think about all the issues it will create having a baby, not to Hermione, but more importantly he doesn't question his motives to himself. Maybe that's just because he has an undying love for Hermione but I'm just waiting for Herry to look back on everything and question, "What have I got myself into? I've now got a child to look after, I've brought a baby into my dangerous world where the people I love always get hurt. I've commited myself to one girl when I'm only sixteen. Where do I go from here?" Perhap's you are completely certain about your life with your boyfriend and your feelings and thoughts are undying and everlasting. But I, personally, have doubts and worries and fears. I don't necessarily tell these to anyone, but they're always there in my thoughts.
Author's Response: I have doubts and worries about my boyfriend, we\'re not blissfully in love either. My boyfriend has a life threatning medical condition and he almost died when he was 24 hours old. And the wedding hasn\'t happened yet, so whose to say that Harry won\'t get cold feet?
Snap what? Are you agreeing with Koolaid? Wow it's all happening as I predicted, your fans are ganging up against me!
Author's Response: You and I knew that it would happen sooner or later. Have you checked out HPFF yet for the next two chapters?
Whoops, tell a lie. He does have a flleeting moment of reflection in 'Fidius Amor' but he doesn't really reflect much on his love for Hermione, feelings thoughts from that point on. This guys going to have a son, he's married at the age of sixteen (something stupid like one in three marrages fail, don't quote me on that statistic though...it's just a lot of marriages!), his girlfriend was raped. Harry should be in emotional overdrive, filled with doubts, his head bursting with thoughts and feeings.
Author's Response: But at the same time, he is also taking responsibility for his and Hermione\'s mistake. It would be to cruel for me to write that Harry left Hermione because she was raped or was having a child, his child actually. So, if you look at it logically, he\'s taking responsibility for his mistake.
Wow, you have new fans. There are more people writing reviews for you! One of them seems to be on another planet (Yes I'm talking about you Tinka Blinka) though....
Predictions for future chapters:
1: In the next chapter Dumbledore will explain to Harry he knows about Malfoy's plot (Thus the title 'A plot discovered....ok that was kind of obvious, but I do have a point!)
2. Ron will somehow let slip about Fidius Amor. Otherwise what would the point be in him knowing about it.
3. Hermione/ James (The baby James not the father James. See how confusing it becomes when you name the son after the father!) gets kidnapped, not only because I've seen the title of your yet 'unvalidated' chapter but because it follows the same formula. This way Hermione becomes 'damsel in distress' and Harry becomes the macho hero figure.
What are Mugglenet playing at! They still haven't validated your chapter and it's going to be a long time before you can insult my fan fiction (Which is a shame because I wanted a second opinion) because they've deleted it! I'll get you EMERSON!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Good predictions, but no. A Plot Discovered has nothing to do with Malfoy, Ron can\'t say about Fidus Amor because Dumbledore is secret keeper, and someone gets kidnapped, just not who you think and not for the reasons you think. And I can\'t do anything about the validation. If you want to read te next two chapters, go to www.harrypotterfanfiction.com. They are validated over there.
Was that more retaliatiion sarcasm, are you really unaware of my blatent sarcastic comment about your simply using insults showing you have no answer to my comments, or are you simply choosing to ignore me?
Good for you for updating your fiction so often, but that doesn't stop it being a target for my critism. Also you said lots of other people have made Harry-Hermione fan fictions means other people believe in Harry and Hermione and therefore your belief in a Harry and Hermione relationship justified. Well thousands of people believe in Scientology, that doesn't make it any less a load of rubbish or anymore true! Fair play, you don't have to care what JK Rowling or Emerson say (Although JK Rowling did write the characters you are writing your fan fiction on and Emerson is the founder of the site you're writing your fan fiction on) but anyway. You just haven't given any justification for why Harry and Hermione would fall in love, in your story! Sure you've given a long winded response in retaliation to me, but most of the stuff you mentioned there didn't justify a Harry-Hermione relationship. In the whole story I can't remember you ever giving reason for either to love each other. In the first chapter it was just a bit "I like you Hermione," "I like you too Harry." I just can't find a basis for why their relationship exists. I wouldn't care how unlikely the couple were if the characters had motives for loving each other, I gave a good review to a girl who wrote about Hermione dating Ginny for God's Sake! But in that story I could see why it happened and here I can't.
Also about the Sirius grave thing. It's petty I know. But most of the people you listed are busy working for the Order and wouldn't have time to visit a grave in some village. Also I think they deal with their grief in a different way to Harry. Also most of these characters knew Sirius as a member of the Order, but they were hardly close friends. The only two who really knew Sirius were Harry and Lupin.
On a positive note. The more I read of these retaliations you give me, the more I am coming to realise you are almost as much of an obsessed fan as I am.
Keep these responses coming, I think I'm the only person still writing reviews for you while your stories are being validated.
Pip, pip
Author's Response: I just think that Harry and Hermione belong together. I don\'t have to justify why I think that they belong together. And just because people didn\'t know Sirius doesn\'t mean that they didn\'t care about him.
-SPOILER WARNING-
Seriously, don't look. You could turn into a pillar of salt (or storge), have your eyes gouged out by Lord Voldermort or simply have the conclusion of the story spoiled for you. Since I do not wish to be held responsible for any of these things please stop reading now!
The ending of this story was far too happy for me. It did what an epilogue should and tied up all the loose ends, but far too neatly. All sorts of things didn't fit with the characters either.
Ginny has never shown any attraction to Seamus Finnegan. She also seems to really like kids, I think she probably would have children.
You know I've never got on well with the idea of the Ron-Luna relationship. I just don't see those two getting married.
Everybody names their kids after other people, can no one in Hogwarts come up with their own baby names? I also don't think Voldermort would trust anyone enough to enter a sexual relationship with them and doubt very much even if he did he would name his son Tom, the name he despised passed down from the mudblood father he hated.
The death of the Weasley's seemed a harsh blow and almost as though you were trying to go against this idea of 'happy endings' but it felt out of place.
I'll be interested reading your sequel to this and I really hope in your sequel you tackle some bigger issues like, what happens when first love grows old and the Ron/Hermione relationship. I've now got myself a Beta so it may not be long before it's you who is critisising my story, or at least I hope it won't be long.
Until the sequel.
Goodbye!
I'm sorry to be harsh, and I'm trying to say I could do better myself I couldn't, but none of this story is in character with the way the characters are in the Harry Potter books. What book 6 showed was that Draco Malfoy, for all his unpleasant qualities, is really just a lost boy, trying to do a mans job and forever trying to meet up with his Dad's expectations, not a rapist. Also, Harry spent a year trying to get to grips with his feelings over Cho and another year trying to come to terms with his love for Ginny. Yet in the space of a few months he is already sleeping with Hermione and also when has Harry ever called anyone 'babe' least of all Hermione. Alongside all this Ron had no objection to Harry dating the girl he's been smitten with for years. Plus since when has Hogwarts school justified girls and boys sleeping together. Even under such circumstances surely they would at least sleep in separate beds. Also if the charm is so strong how come Harry and Hermione can be so far apart during lessons?
I don't want to sound unncessarily harsh but I feel the most important thing in writing a fan fiction is making sure the characters act in the same way they do in the books. I just feel this story is just not like Harry Potter, in it's american drama 'boy and girl date-sleep together-girl gets pregnant-girl admits rape ordeal' format or the way it writes the characters in a so un-Rowlingish tone.
I'm not trying to be mean and I'm sure I'll be bombarded off the site with brutal but justified comments about how I'm cruel, unncessarily harsh and criticise others without thinking of my own weaknesses. But I just though you'd rather hear my true opinion than me telling you what you want to hear.
Author's Response: First Thing:
Two words for about the Ginny thing:
6th Year
This story was started BEFORE Half Blood Prince came out. My warnings even say Book SIx Disregarded. There is evidens in OotP to support a Harry/Hermione relationship.
2nd Thing: Harry is not calling Hermione babe. Hermione is calling Harry babe. I am using this term of endearment because that is what I call my boyfriend and I wanted to incorporate myself into the story, I am the author and I am allowed to do that.
Third Thing:
I am NOT J.K. Rowling. I don\'t have to make the characters act like they do in the book. I might not own the characters, but I sure do own the plot. That is the whole point of FANfiction and FANon. If you don\'t like it, stick to the regular series.
SPOILER!!!! I HAVE READ THE NEXT CHAPTER, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENS STOP READING NOW!!!!!!!!!! I SAID NOW!!!!
I've read 'A discovered plot', I was going to reply on the HPFF site but it's doing something crazy with my screen name and password so I can't get in yet. Well I kind of anticipated Hermione being kidnapped, but then it was always going to happen as the people Harry loves always end up getting hurt. I was really happy about the Dumbledore wife-thing because I've thought Dumbledore had a wife since book 1 but never met someone else who thought the same. JK Rowling said something in one of her interviews about one of the teachers having a spouse and I thought it might be him but it's never been mentioned since. I did see one God awful looking fan fic where Voldermort and Dumbledore fell in love.....Oh God, can you imagine! It would be like the Brokeback Mountain of the magical world!
But anyway....a part of me was sad James, Lily and Sirius were paintings in the room, because I think the whole idea of living as paintings or ghosts is so sad. It's like living a half life, never being really alive, able to touch anyone again or feel the world around you, just watching the world around you live and die. But I suppose a painting is just an imprint of their soul and it's important in the plot.
Oh I liked your reasoning behind Hermione's kidnap as well and the way they know about it, but can't prevent it.
I'd quite like to see a bit more of Ron...Sorry this isn't me demanding things, it's just...Ron has really been cut out of the loop, they used to be a group of three, a team and now it's Harry and Hermione and Ron's been left cold. I'd just like to see Ron's deciding what his purpose now and if he's still willing to fight for Harry and Hermione even after they've left him alone...
Oh and I found it interesting you mentioned Rowina Ravenclaw because I'm doing a fan fiction rooted in the mythology of what Rowina Ravenclaw did in and after Hogwarts (If it ever gets validated!). Only in mine she doesn't have a relationship with Godric Gryffindor...she make a choice many wizards wouldn't describe as wise though...(shameless plug!)
Oh the idea if one dies, the other dies in Fidius Amor was interesting. I suppose if you do have a love that deep for someone then it's almost better to die than be left behind and have to live without them...
Oh in case you're interested (you're probably not) my screen name just comes from my real name Chris Hogg. The 'star' was just an add on because.....I dunno it just made it more interesting...
Author's Response: Thanks for my first good review from you!! LOL! I told you that someone got kidnapped but not for the reasons you thought. I\'m glad that you liked it. Did you read Kidnapped! yet?
Author's Response: But Harry doesn't know that Ron loves Hermione. I don't know if I will ever have Ron show his feelings, especially now since he is dating Luna.
You admitted it! Yes! You admitted Ron likes Hermione, you've always been apprehensive in agreeing with me on that one, but I have it here in writing now.
You seem to have many harsh critics on HPFF I'm now writing reviews over there as well sometimes, depending on whether your story comes up here or there first. The next chapter sounds interesting, I like the sound of the 'cold feet' bit.
Oh I'd love to see the vicar saying "Does anyone here see any reason why these two should not be bound in holy matrimony?" and Ron standing up and going "I OBJECT." Look forward to reading the next story
You don't have to justify your reasons for bringing Harry and Hermione together, of course you don't, I'm not even asking you to justify them to me. I'm asking for your characters to justify why they love each other. Because neither of them has given any real reason, other than the superficial, to anchor their undying love for each other. I would just like to see Harry, or Hermione I don't mind, give some reason why they love each other so much. Not for my sake, but for the story's sake, for the characters sake. To show I have been wrong all along, as I was about the predictions, and that this story really does have depth and reason rooted deep within it. Otherwise I'll be forced to believe I was right all along, and believe me you would hate for me to be right....
Author's Response: Okay I\'ll give you MY reason of why they love each other. They seem to me to complete each other. They can communicate better with each other, and Hermione seems to understand Harry. If you\'ve noticed, Hermione seems to be the only one that can calm Harry down when he is upset. I did, by the way, have them give reasons on why they love each other. When Harry proposes to Hermione, he says this... “Hermione, you’re my other half, you’ve been there for me through good times and bad. You’ve always helped me out even if you didn’t agree with what I was doing or going to do.\" And, here is an excerpt from Chapter 14... “Yes, you are. You are my Hermione, you are my backbone. I need you just as much as you need me.\" Just because the charactors don\'t say the reason why they love each other doesn\'t mean that they aren\'t there. Do you think everytime I talk to my boyfriend, I tell him exactly why I love him? No, I don\'t. Happy now?
SPOILER WARNING!!!!! I've read this chapter on HPFF and know all that happens and have every intention of discussing all of it! If you do not want to hear any of what happens in this chapter, though the title makes it fairly self explanitory, stop reading.....NOW!....I said NOW!
Ok, to business. This chapter just confirmed what I kind of knew from when I first realised the tone of this fan fic. The marriage was just completing the set of events that began with Harry's confession of love, continued by the revalation of Malfoy's rape of Hermione and then Hermione's pregnancy. But there's still something about the two actually getting married that's not...satisfying. For me, it was just tied up a bit too neatly. Voldermort died a little too easily, Harry's worries were a good device but short lived and it just seems to end maybe too happily.
I'm not sure what lies ahead in the epilogue, but part of me hopes it's not 'Harry and Hermione had two other children and lived happily ever after'. Because that seems maybe just a bit unrealistic.
What's good about this story is it has a optimistically naive tone, which can often be heartwarming. It's nice to escape the world we live in where people get divorced and there are so few 'happily ever afters'. But because of this it also misses out on some of the realism that makes JK Rowling's books so good to read.
Interested to see what you write after realising.
EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!
Chris
Where do I start. Ok first I'm sorry for what your boyfriend and you have had to go through, as sorry as anyone probably living miles away from you, who doesn't know anything about you or the life you lead can be sorry. I know what it's like to nearly lose someone you love. My grandpa has recently had heart problems, it looked for a while like his heart was shutting down. He's stable now, but everyone's still on an edge worried he's going to deteriorate again. So I have some small grasp of what you've been through.
Personal stuff aside. I agree Harry wouldn't walk out on Hermione because she's been raped, or because she's pregnant. But that doesn't mean in his head he won't have fears and doubts about what lies ahead. Maybe he will get cold feet before the wedding, that's your decision, but I'd just like to see him looking at the situation he's emotionally.
I did go on HPFF but I couldn't find the next 2 chapters. Could you give me some help finding them? Is your name still Koolaid on HPFF? (where does that screen name come from anyway?) I did find a fan fiction under the name Koolaid called Chaos, but it seemed to be set after this fan fiction and was a real departure from your style in this fan fiction, so I wasn't sure if it was you who wrote it. I'm flattered you're interested in my opinion though, I'm aware now I was a bit of a blunt, cynical git when I first reviewed your fan fiction so I'm sorry. I was at a stressful time in my life. But now it's positive critisism all the way!
That's a message to all you Koolaid fans, there's no need to hate me. I'm not the miserable bastard I was when I first started reiewing here...honest!
Author's Response: I\'m sorry to hear about your grandfather. My boyfriend dosen\'t have very many problems with his condition, but my sister, who has the same thing does. My penname on HPFF is crookshanks1126. Copy and paste this link -----> http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=161135 into your adress bar, it will take you right to my fanfic. As for my penname here, it was a nickname at the time, I signed up over a year ago and I am much more mature now.......lol. I accept your apology. And to tell you the truth, I wish someone had come along before I had advanced to far in the story to change things. You\'re right, good reviews get boring. Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Wow I just keep reviewing back and you just keep on answering! I love that! I hate it when you review someone and they never respond back, it makes all the harshness so pointless. But you are a real fighter! Give yourself a pat on the back.
You kind of agree with me on a couple of levels here, I like that too. So you kind of understand what I meant about the writing on the graves?: My other thing was, how come Sirius has a grave in the first place? His body disappeared into the seeming abyss of the veil so the grave would be empty. I mean, they could leave it as a memorial but who, other than Harry would want to remember Sirius Black the mass murderer, as you are disregarding book 6 where an inquiry was being made about his death and his name was cleared? But maybe it's a writers device.
Also you kind of agreed with me over the cliche thing. In many ways you're right, there are plenty of more cliched, crapper stories on this site, and some time I intend to harshly review every one of those stories and expose them for what they are, unluckily for you of all the Harry/ Hermione stories yours was first on the list. But that's not a justification for you making your story cliched. Just because there are other stories that are more cliched doesn't stop yours being cliched or any better than it is. I'd just love you to add something different into the mix, that fits with the story still.
It almost sounded like a threat when you said 'trust me I can change the story', sure you can change the characters as different as you want, but that won't make for an interesting read!
Bye
P.S. Love the argumentative thing we've got going on here, can't wait for your next chapter!
Author's Response: The only reason that my story is first on the list is bcause I am the author that has updated recently. And I can think of some other people besides Harry that would want to remember Sirius: The Weasley\'s, Hermione, Dumbledore, McGonagall, LUPIN, Tonks........ I could keep up the list.
Wait a minute...First you were Smiley Faces number (something) now you're Viktorian Goddess...or are you two different people?
Anyhow, I understand I am not the only person to be able make intellegent arguements about this fan fiction or other fan fictions for that matter. My point was that if you're going to make a comment/review it might be profitable to read the other reviews some of them are rubbish (yes I am talking about you Tinkablinka! What planet are you on!) but some are useful. That saves the author a bit of time on repeating stuff. It could also let you explore other trails of argument on the faults, and good points, of this fan fiction.
You should read through some of the debates Koolaid and myself have had, if you did you would notice I also said it was the wrong place to put it. So we agree!
Anyway, keep up the critism people are way too 'Love your fan fiction, when's the next chappie!' on this site.
Oh and being fair is so BORING!
My, my that's quite a retaliation speech. Well it would be undignified of me not to give you an equally long winded response as to why Harry and Hermione are not, and haven't really been in love throughout the series and Hermione loves Ron and Ron loves Hermione.
Firstly I like your idea about the voice in Harry's head sounding like Hermione meaning he harbours subconscious feelings for her. Very interesting but I'll have to disagree. The voice in Harry's head is often refered to as an annoying, nagging sort of voice and a lot of the time Harry tries to supress this voice. I'm not sure you'd sescribe your boyfriend as nagging or annoying but maybe that's just me. Also the Hermione in the ministry thing. Yes Harry does pull Hermione to safety, not only at the ministry but also when Grawp tries to attack her. However I think most people would try in some way to pull their friend out of the way if they were about to be crushed. I don't think Harry would just stand there if Ron was about to be crushed, does this mean he has feelings for Ron?
Ontop of this there's the fact you said Hermione and Harry don't argue a lot in the books, on the contrary they do argue quite a lot. In third year Harry and Hermione fall out for weeks over the firebolt. Harry frequently shouts at Ron and Hermione in the fifth book and in the first book both Ron and Harry hate Hermione before she saves them from expulsion. So I'd hardly say they rarely argue. Also Ron and Hermione's frequent arguing is the very thing that shows their love for each other, have you never read Pride and Prejudice! On top of this there was the Yule Ball where Ron is green with jealousy over Hermione going out with Krum and Hermione descends into tears over it.
Not that it matters in your fan fiction, using characters from someone else's book but where you are still God and can change everthing you want but JK Rowling herself has come out and openly said it:
ES: We thought it was clearer than ever that Harry and Ginny are an item and Ron and Hermione - although we think you made it painfully obvious in the first five books -
JKR: [points to herself and whispers] So do I!
ES: Harry/Hermione shippers: delusional!
JKR: Well no, I'm not going to - Emerson, I am not going to say they're delusional! They are still valued members of my readership! I am not going to use the word delusional. I am however, going to say - now I am trusting both of you to do the spoiler thing when you write this up -
[More laughter]
JKR: I will say, that yes, I personally feel - well it's going to be clear once people have read Book 6. I mean, that's it. It's done, isn't it? We know. Yes, we do now know that it's Ron and Hermione. I do feel that I have dropped heavy - JKR: - hints. ANVIL-sized, actually, hints, prior to this point. I certainly think even if subtle clues hadn't been picked up by the end of Azkaban, that by the time we hit Krum in Goblet...
I know this probably doesn't make any difference to your ffan fic, but it just shows even JK Rowling thinks it's obvious. HERMIONE and RON not Hermione and Harry, as intellegent and couragous as their children would be.
Ta, tar!
P.S. If you haven't read Pride and Prejudice lead characters Darcy and Elizabeth hate each other, or so it appears until they overcome their pride and prejudice and at the end of the novel they fall deeply in love. Rather like our relationship. We appear to hate each other and I seem to be a harsh insulting reviewer but deep down.....
Author's Response: I don\'t care what J.K. Rowling and Emerson say, I am not delusional, and, believe it or not, there are more Harry/Hermione fics on HPFF then Ron/Hermione fics, so obviously a lot of people believe in Harry/Hermione, not just me.
Wow I'm really getting under your skin, aren't I! Well insulting me makes all my cruel comments unjustified.