Well, it's only the first chapter, so obviously I can't comment on any kind of plot - but the title is intriguing. You're a decent writer, but the characters are kind of - eh. The letter from Ron was just way off - the first bit was almost exactly the same as his GoF letter, and the second bit was completely unbelievable, as was Harry's reaction to the surprising news. The Dream had a very interesting premise, but I didn't find it believable. It would have been more effective if Sirius had been more in character; it would have been haunting. The style in which you flashed back to the dream wasn't fantastic either. I don't mean to be a downer, but you probably need to shape up a bit for your next chapters. It was far from boring, and it's clear that it's based on intriguing ideas - but it's the generic sixth year fic, so far. Harry is at the Dursleys, is brooding over Sirius, gets letter from Ron. If you're going to do that, you need to differentiate. And you're characters need to be more believable. Not that I'm perfect, I just want to give you some kind of feedback you can work off of. If you post another chapter, I'll read & review again.

Author's Response: thanks

LOVED IT! That is exactly how Hermione would think in that situation (I practically am Hermione, and that's how I would think) it was splendid! I love freckles on guys, too, and I adore Ron. Great ;)

Very good start; maybe I'm not looking hard enough, but I don't think I've ever seen this take on the final battle before. I really like it, it's so... tense. I like the tone very much. I won't hesitate in telling you should definitely look into getting a beta. You had significant mistakes, and some paragraphs and quotes ran together where they should not have. Some of the wording was awkward in places, but for the most part was nicely descriptive and painted a good picture. I think that the characters were all very in tune with their canon selves. I thought the ending was very good, as long as you plan on updating rather than leaving your readers hanging. I wasn't too found of Lupin's role here, it seemed a little... odd. He was just 'there' with no seeming purpose, and he just 'happened' to have taken care of the werewolf situation. But again, overall, I think it's quite good. Keep working (and head over to the Beta Forums to find a Beta reader to look over your chapters before you submit, there's a link in the 'Help' section"

Author's Response: Thanx so much for the review , Ill get a beta reader, good idea.And thanx for the details of my mistakes i will try and correct them .

Oh, I'm all teary-eyed! That was sweet. I have a very hard time imagining that mothers in labor would travel to St. Mungo's by Floo Powder. I imagine they would Apparate, or be given a Portkey by the Ministry. I also would have liked to get more of Lily & James characters. I think we saw more of James then Lily, but not enough to make him *James* Of course, it's only a first chapter. Other than that, this was very good. It was funny (James being given the potion to calm his confusion: hehe), and it was adorable. I really enjoy when past-fics use what we know in the story, as a kind of dramatic-irony, foreshadowing or just creat a sense of familiarity. I really enjoyed how you did that with this chapter, it is by far my favorite thing about past-fics, and you did it extremely well. It's there and it adds to the story whether you recognize it or not. Lily's disposition as a concerned mother is both tragic and beautiful. Love it.

Author's Response: You know... If I had thought of the Portkey angle, I would've gone with that instead. I knew I didn't want Apparation, because I felt that the life inside of Lily counts when being Apparated, so I felt that it probably was too risky. As it is, I didn't think of Portkeys, so Floo Powder was left. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

You make wonderful use of dramatic irony - I can feel the knots in my stomach getting tighter and tighter as the sense of dread looms over all the characters, and pulls me along for the ride. The entire chapter has a very tragic feel - just seeing the Potters happy, and knowing they are so close to the end. "It’s going to be great today, thought Lily." - This line put a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I think it's a (tragically) brilliant opening line for this chapter. "Lily pretended she was snoring. “Mumma? ‘Ake! ‘Ake!”" - This one tore me up a bit; mainly because I can imagine Harry repeating this "game" after Lily is left dead (a la Simba in Lion King). I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it was powerful all the same. "He could be as loud as he wanted for the neighbours couldn’t hear him and Harry would often scream with delight as James gave chase." Again, this feels like more ironic foreshadowing. :"Her mood had turned melancholy that day as she fretted over whether they were doing enough to protect Harry." Another line that tears me between wanting to sob and wanting to jump into your fictional world and scream warnings to Lily before it's too late. "Now though, Lily was determined to have a good time on Halloween. It was the first year Harry would really have an understanding of how much fun Halloween could be. Wonder what James will do?" Again, made so tragic with the reader's prior knowledge as to how this night will end. I think I've proven my point; you are the master of dramatic irony, but it's subtle, you don't force it. You just tug at the readers' emotions slightly, bit by bit, paragraph after paragraph, as you bring us closer to the untimely passing of the Potters.

Peter: First of all, I hate the *insert foul word*. As far as his use of the word "Blimey", I thought that was a bit OoC. I just don't see him as a "Blimey" kind of fella - it's not a word used by everyone. For instance I could never hear Harry or Hermione using it, either. I just don't feel it fits Peter.Other than that, I felt he was portrayed well.

I felt that Sirius's sneezing flower mirrored Voldemort's little razors from earlier in the story.The entire feeling of "what the heck?" caught hold of me again. I tensed up a little - thinking it couldn't possibly be a Death Eater ploy, but I admit I was worried. But afterwards I was rather amused, hehe. "It’s a flower! What business does it have being allergic to me?" *snicker*. I'm glad you brought some humor into the chapter; comic relief is always welcome. And you carried on a bit, rehashing some Sirius prank memories. Kudos. Of course, this also brought up " That’s what I get for marrying a prankster" - which I also enjoyed, but in a painful way. It kind of reflected on the realism of the marriage. Their last day wasn't 'fluffy' and wonderful, it had a bit of sarcastic banter and spouse-induced annoyance. It also showed some more Lily & James characterisation, both apart and as a couple.

Red eyes - I noticed that was brought up at least twice before You-Know-Who's entry. Was that purposeful? I know I was reminded of *him* (growl) both times. Keeping the readers alert a bit? If so - nice. If not - well, it's there ;).

I liked the added security measures, though I felt it was all rather 'thrown in' to the story. "Oh... by the way." I think you explained it all rather well, but I might have (personally) preferred a more subtle incorporation of the information into the story text. I didn't like being taking out of the narration to be 'caught up to speed' with what had happened. I've seen you work information into the story through Lily's PoV, and I think you should have continued with that trend here. It's merely because I felt very aware that I was being given the information, rather than just experiencing the story (as I normally do with your writing).

"When Remus realised that James also liked Lily, he became flustered and absent-minded. He would stammer whenever James was around, which caught Lily by surprise, because she knew him to be very eloquent. His thoughtful looks toward her then had a quality of sadness, especially when it became obvious that Lily returned at least some of James’s feelings." I have never felt such sadness from the idea of Remus's character - I think it was conveyed beautifully through Lily's thoughts (particularly with the selected lines), and it made the entire situation even more tragic (if that's even possible). All their lives were taken from them on this night, whether literally or figuratively.I also particular liked James explanation of why Remus would betray them (he was jealous of him) - I thought it was very IC, as we all know James has a subconcsious arrogance about him. He naturally made it about himself, which was his tragic mistake. His arrogance was his tragic flaw :(...

I was wondering if they'd figure out that Peter betrayed them before the end, and I'm happy the did. At least they died at peace with Remus, knowing who the true traitor was. I was particularly surprised when James was the one to recognise what had happened: that Remus was framed. I felt that he was slightly redeemed in that, and I was very glad he put the final piece together rather than Lily. It was unexpected but fitting.

"Through the glass door, two glowing embers peered at them, seething red with malice and hatred. They cast a crimson haze that silhouetted the frame of a tall figure in long flowing cloaks." - This line shocked and terrifed me to my very soul. A pivotal sentence pulled off without flaw. Inserted in amazingly, almost unexpectedly. I can feel the horror that Lily & James must have felt. From here on out, I loved the writing style. Suspenseful, with canon lines from Harry's dementor-induced memories worked in very well.

To finish up: the very last paragraph was heartbreaking, but moving. I was able to feel the ancient magic of the power of love at work. You've done a great job here, hon. Can't wait for your next masterpiece.

Author's Response: *blinks*

Wow Jenna. Thanks so much for your review! A lot of time was put into that! This was my most deliberate chapter. I put a lot of thought into what I was writing and how it would come across. I'm really glad that you liked the "Through the glass door..." I spent a lot of time on that paragraph alone, trying to make it as good as possible.

::wipes tear, let's out breath:: Okay, I have no constructive criticism for this one, sorry. Very emotional, of course. Scenes with baby Harry are as adorable as ever. "Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made, Lily" - that line just echoed in my mind as I read it. It speaks in so many volumes. I feel it's a line that represents this story as a whole, and to have such a line spoken in your story is magnificent.

Author's Response: *Giggles.* I think I'll be okay with having constructive criticism because I know how capable you are of giving it. Thanks so much reading and reviewing all of my chapters. :)

I'll start with the crit: according to Jo, when a Muggleborn recieves a letter, a representative brings it and answers any questions that the child or parents have. Otherwise I'm sure the letters would be, by far, regarded as junk mail. Why did Sarah's parents believe it? WHy were they so quick to condemn her over a piece of paper? And why was Sarah herself so skeptical if there was never any proof? And then so easily convinced over a paper with O.W.L. scores? I think she should accept what Harry's telling her, as though its her only real choice, but still remain rather dubious. As for Harry & Sarah's interaction, I really liked it. It has the makings of a big brother/little sister friendship. It's subtle and not too strong, just clearly defined enough to signal the reader and still be believable. I really loved the last part about Sirius. You have cleft my heart in twain with that line, my beloved Mask. It wrought about a feeling that, like the fleeting memory of a lost loved one, is impossible to describe. It was beautiful, sorrowful, and just perfect. A brilliant way to end the chapter. Other than the situation with the Greys and the letter, this was a great chapter, hon - keep up the great work.

Wow, I really loved this chapter. Maybe I'm just too tired to crit, or maybe this chapter is perfect in itself; I personally believe it's the latter. It was rather short, but I personally prefer short chapters - there easier on my attention span. The important thing is that it fulfilled it's purpose. Harry's actions are very IC, and are what I would expect of him, but it reveals more of a new side of him that we haven't really seen yet. Exemplary character development and portrayal. Hermione's letter was also very IC, and thoroughly entertaining (I have hilarious images of Tonks). I love the inclusion of mentions of Luna and Neville (Hermione's mention of Luna, in particular, was flawless). I have not criticism, sorry. Can't be of help today. I'm very glad I have another chaptered fiction to look forward to reading.

What to say other than ‘wow’…?

I don’t even like Draco, he is ‘ a conceited, arrogant, snotty spoiled little brat’, and I have pretty much despised any Draco PoV I have ever attempted to read, but this was so powerfully written that I was enraptured by every moment. Many people would have taken this plot and twisted it to create a great amount of sympathy for the misunderstood little Slytherin – but you kept Malfoy as the canon character he was, just as we see him, yet gave the reader many reasons to understand his ways and reasoning. Am I surprised that he gave in at the end? No. In fact, I might have chastised you if Draco had actually died in defiance instead of giving in to save himself from the pain. After all, Voldemort will soon be nothing, and then Draco will be free. Ah, the reasoning of a Slytherin. Serve yourself and no other and you should be fine, I’m guessing.

I loved your justification for his refusal to become a Death Eater, and his thoughts concerning ‘that little git Potter’. As for what he had to say about Crabbe and Goyle – that was wonderful. A nice light side for readers to enjoy in this otherwise deep, dark story.

You’re interpretation of the Malfoys and their pride in the family was perfect, too. So many wonderful aspects that I could praise you for endlessly. But I’ll try not to, because then we’ll be here forever ;) The view of the Malfoy estate enthralled me, too. And as for the scene of Malfoy’s torture/initiation, I found that both realistic and painful, but done tastefully and not sickeningly sadistic as I’ve read before. Powerful imagery put to good use, fully serving it’s purpose.

The only thing I didn’t like, and my reasoning is a bit silly, was the scene from Draco’s memory in which he and his father look across the ground and Lucius tells him, basically, what is his and his duty as a Malfoy. I think because it is so incredibly reminiscent of ‘The Lion King’ and ‘everything the light touches’ that it made me chuckle. I don’t really see Lucius and Draco as quite the Mufasa and Simba, and it threw me off from the intensity of the rest of the story.

If you don’t know this by now, I’ll have to inform you: I love Lucius Malfoy. Yes, I hate him, I think he is evil and despicable, and I wouldn’t put his actions in this story past him. But I still love him, and I was subsequently thoroughly caught up in ever moment of his role in this story. From the moment the ‘masked man’ approached him in the room of DE, I just knew it was Lucius – yet when you confirmed this with these lines: “I recognized the voice immediately. My father, my own father had just pronounced the words of one of the Unforgivable Curses at his own son”, it hit me in the same sickening wave that Draco must have felt. It was incredible. I’ve never really seen Lucius as a ‘proud father’. I see him as proud in necessity, as a way of ‘keeping up appearances’, but from the interaction we see between him and Draco in Borgin & Burkes, particularly his sting about Hermione beating him in all his classes, I’ve always thought he was more of the condescending type, always making Draco feel like he wasn’t good enough, and should keep trying to be. Difference of opinion maybe, but I do think you handled your ‘proud’ Lucius very well, and very consistently – that is until the great disappointment of Draco’s refusal to be a Death Eater. Lucius’s reaction there was exactly as I would imagine it, and I loved the way you echoed his words through the chapter.

Which brings me to the contrast between Draco’s perception of ‘nothing’ from that of his father’s. Lucius says he is nothing when he refuses his ‘calling’, but Draco feels that he is nothing only after he as conceded to be a Death Eater. It’s very interesting. It highlights that one difference between father and son – one is willing to follow Voldemort, the other would rather seek the power himself. I could go into analysis of Lucius’ view that he already has power, and that his activities as a Death Eater are merely extra-curricular, but I think I’ll just leave this here and tell you that the layers of this piece of work are infinite, and I’ll probably find myself thinking about it quite often.

Well, if I haven’t written: *madly applauds you*, then I’ll go ahead and add that here in my conclusion. This is the first piece of yours that I’ve ever read, and it was quite the experience! Now I *have* to read Shadows!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! It gave quite some points to consider.

First of all the character of Draco. I like him teh way he has been described in canon and I prefer to keep him that way. He will never be redeemed, I even see him as doomed. He is after all a Malfoy and with that comes a sheer amount of arrogance and pride which will be sure to lead him to his doom. Which brings me to the fact of his refusal to join the DE. To me it was the only thing that fitted him, that graced him.