The most striking thing about this story is your use of description and imagery. It is absolutely tangible, and thus breathtaking. I can actually feel knots of anxiety and anticipation in my chest. And, it really does wonders for the end of the story, where there is actually very little physical detail, yet the effect is so much more profound than stories which strive to do the same with so many more adjectives, nouns and copious amounts of heavy breathing.

Not once had you not gone to the tree one hundred paces from Hagrid’s hut into the forest.

I love this line! There are several things about it, none of which I can decide how to put into words. First, it's the "Not once had you not gone..." which is just feels perfectly worded. And the "tree one hundred paces...", which has a sense of both mischievousness and ritual to it, along with being just a wonderful detail.

As the dry autumn grass crunched under your trainers, you made your way to your tree. His tree. The tree. An example of what is a definite tangible imagery in your writing, also, the use of tree and the repetition is very poetic. I like the changing possessive pronoun/definite article attached to it.

I will say very quickly that I think the point of view might have worked better in present tense, There's generally a sense of "here and now" in second-person stories, and while I've seen them done in past tense very well, there seems to be kind of a "sense" of when they should be present and when they should be past, and for me, if I sort of mentally read this in present tense and the flow felt more natural. I also think present tense be more suited to the urgency and potency of the emotions.

Moving on, something about the tone of the writing just said Remus to me; in fact, I had gotten a few paragraphs in before I realised that you hadn't actually stated whose PoV it was, and that I had just made the assumption based on connotations. I think it was the sincerity of the compulsion and intensity. This line in particular: It was almost as if the danger pushed you forward, feeding your hunger and satiating your thirst. It puts me in mind how, behind the calm, patient, quiet version of Remus we see, there is an underlying animal instinct that comes to the surface even outside of the full moon.

He always found his constellation before he could concentrate on anything more than the endless black sky. This stopped me for a moment; first because, I've sort of drawn the natural conclusion that you mean Sirius, which is actually a single star, not a constellation. I also then wondered if this was a "Sirius" thing to do. One one hand, Sirius can be a little ego-centric, and from that perspective I can imagine him having this habit. On the other hand, the naming after celestial bodies is a Black family tradition, and it occurs to me that Sirius would rebel against this idea rather than embrace it by actually searching the sky for his namesake. So, I don't know; just something to consider, there.

I liked the theme of the "addiction", though I'm not as certain about the repeated use of the word. Repetition can either come across as rhythmic, reinforcement of an idea or theme, or it can come across as redundant. The best way to make sure your use of repetition is effective in the former, is to use parallelism, which is to repeat not merely the word or idea, but the structure. Example:

The first use: It was undeniable, you could not stay away even if you needed to. This was an addiction. Followed by: But it was your addiction; it was the only source of the true happiness you felt day to day, so you could not give it up.

To make this a parallel to the first use, these lines could be changed to something such as this: But it was the only sourceof the true happiness you felt day to day, so you could not give it up; this was your addiction.

If you carry this structure through each use of the word, by always placing "addiction" at the end of the paragraph, it puts a lot more emphasis onto the word, and gives it a clear sense of purpose. Another example, the final lines: He was your addiction, your only safe haven that pushed you so far over the edge that you knew you could never live without it." could be rearranged along the lines of "He was your only safe haven that pushed you so far over the edge that you knew you could never live without it. He was your addiction."

Another way to optimise the use of your repetition is to try and pace it at intervals through the story. For instance, you use "addiction" in both your first and second paragraphs, then not again for five-six paragraphs, and then only once more at the very end, about a dozen paragraphs after. When you're intentionally repeating a word, it's good to try and space it out so as to create a sense of rhythm and purpose. Not that you should actually count out paragraphs, but it did stand out to me when you used addiction twice in consecutive paragraphs.

your total loss of every intelligible thought that made you yourself. I think this is an incredible line, and very descriptive of lust and physical desire in general. It also struck me as comparable to Remus shifting to wolf-form, which I found made the statement even more powerful. Back to your use of "addiction" though, I think this is an excellent reinforcement of that concept. Because, when it comes down to it, this is very much the essence of what addiction is, and what it does. It's a well-delivered, well-worded and exceptionally astute line.

Overall, the characterisation is subtle, but spot-on. I like Sirius' nonchalant, easy-going attitude, with sudden insights to sincerity and insecurity; contrasted with how Remus is inwardly consumed, and outwardly anxious, and in general, worried and conflicted. I'm not typically a fan of the Remus/Sirius pairing, but I don't doubt their connection for one moment in this story. It's absolutely a story of two people utterly teeming with desire and intimacy, and to be perfectly honest, I can physically feel the overwhelming power of those emotions in your words. Very well done.

Author's Response: AHG A JENNA REVIEW. Everything about this is win and I am now actually considering switching it to first person, a year and a half after writing it. And the whole addiction bit, maybe it was overdone? Just poorly placed? Yeah? I dunno, I could give it another read through. But seriously ILU for ready and reviewing this story =]. It's one of my favorites, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I find the way you've portrayed Sirius and Regulus ongoing sort of "secret meetings" of brotherly bonding quite sweet and somewhat amusing. It's a common theme in fiction, but always with secret lovers, not brothers. I like what it says about insecurity, and how we often believe that things are different when they happen out of the setting of our regular, day-to-day lives. And it shows, I think, the heart of the matter. If they can still be brothers on the tower, then they're still brothers. Everything else is just, well, pride and prejudice, really.

The structure of the plot in chapter three is, I think genius. The implications of Sirius' relationship with Reeve are definitely an interesting twist. I find it unexpected, but also unsurprising – at least in the sense that I imagine the wizarding world to be a small one and it doesn't strike me as difficult to believe that Mrs Black would get hold of this through a string of gossip. I find it amusing and superficial that Sirius' connection with Reeve is enough to warrant her asking him to come back.

I really dislike that Sirius' reaction is to "cool things off" with Reeve. But from a story and plot point of view, it is so perfect, really.

Of course, the other consequence of the letter from home is Regulus' newfound (and justified) paranoia about his relationship with Rachel. Which, is sad, but it's nice to see that he still sticks to it. And it makes me wonder if his opinion about Matt's involvement with Veronica has changed (or if there are still some lines one just does not cross.)

Something that this particular part of the plot highlights is how well you're playing off the contrast between Sirius and Regulus. You not only have their differing personalities and ways of dealing with the world climate, which directly reflect their respective houses, but you've drawn them into relationships that – in social terms are the "wrong" kind of connections for their interests, but in truth are really the best things for them. And it's wonderful to see the way you draw along these contrasting parallels, and show how they manifest themselves in reactions that are, at once, both utterly different and precisely the same.

As with Sirius dropping Reeves, and Regulus deciding to break it off with Rachel. While Sirius seems to think that Regulus' behavior is unacceptable, it's really the same as what he's done. And then of course when he decides to follow his heart, be brave, Reeve does to him exactly what Regulus does to Rachel. Which is so terribly cruel, but the way the threads just weave into place is wonderful story telling. And despite some people perhaps believing that Reeve and Regulus are both terrible for their choices, they're choices represent very realistic decisions. You can't always afford to be romantic. Something which I think is encapsulated in Orion's words to Regulus, " It’s better to be logical and realistic than to be an ignorant, dreaming fool, and wake up with the world crashing down around you."

The way this all comes together to be a message of love and, really, being afraid of investing in it is really just magical, Marie. I like the way it ends with Regulus and Sirius in their meeting place, in that safe place where they can be brothers. It's touching, but also tragic. It's interesting that they disguise the word "love" with "girls", because I don't think it's just about denying love. I think it's also that they're feelings apply to all kinds of love, and that they really make the same mistake in their relationship with one another. And this meeting place on the tower is that last remnant of the small amount of pride they're willing to swallow for that brotherly love. Of course, it is touching also, that we know the Black brothers shared something honest and emotional, at some point, before everything went so terribly and irreversibly wrong.

Touching story, as usual. I really have to reiterate that point from my other review about the power of the relationships between your characters and how they define your stories. This is, once again, absolutely true for this one.

Starting with the opening paragraph, paragraphs even, just – you write so exquisitely. Your words just fit: "dappled afternoon light", "Instead, well-trimmed ivy climbed up the first story and half of the second, leaving the pale stone of the third exposed," and the fact that Charlie did not simply walk up the steps, but the seven steps. Such simple, apparently ordinary statements, but somehow original, in the sense they sound like apt descriptions of a real time and place so that, even the briefest phrases in their simplicity, I doubt anyone has ever written them anywhere before. Also, as someone who is accustomed to your writing, there is something inexplicably distinctive of the tone that makes it feel warm and familiar.

Travelling along the same line of comments, much of the beginning of this story focuses on a description of Merridown, something I might find tedious in another story by another author (not just referring to fan-fiction here.) But, Charlie's admiration of the "house", the interplay between Lucas and Charlie, and the characterization of the house itself makes it far more than an exhaustive, flowery description of the setting. Merridown reveals a great deal about Lucas' character, which is helpful to new readers, and enriching to us seasoned ones ;)

The tour also creates an underlying tension. Maybe it's just me, but – no, it's definitely there. There's a sense that Lucas is upholding a sense of propriety because neither of he nor Charlie are quite sure how to approach the confusing nature of their relationship. Showing Charlie around and commenting on the different rooms gives him something to do and say, so that they don't simply get stuck standing in an awkward silence, deciding whether or not to mention the fact they both are fully aware Lucas is alert to every heart flutter Charlie experiences. The tour gives them a specific topic of conversation that isn't in danger of quickly dissolving, and it creates opportunities for them to be friendly (I mean, in a platonic, joking way.) So, it creates comfort, breaks any ice, and gives them both time to figure out what the other is feeling. (Though, Charlie is at a very unfair disadvantage, I must say. But it gives Lucas the opportunity to decide the right way to advance towards Charlie.)

And, while Merridown is not exactly Jay Gatsby's mansion, the descriptions are never dry, but always full of unexpected and significant details. The "reluctant" door of the ballroom, for instance.

Charlie looked away from the dark corridor and turned his eyes to Lucas instead. He could tell that his friend was trying hard to sound casual, to pretend that his grief had passed. But Charlie knew better. He also knew that Lucas would feel his sympathy even if he didn’t voice it, but wanting to emphasise it, he took hold of his hand and squeezed it briefly. Before letting go, Charlie stroked his thumb over the slender, beautiful fingers.

I have to quote this paragraph simply because it is so achingly beautiful. Among the things I like about it is how it indicates the intimacy of their relationship, that Charlie has knowledge and understanding of Lucas. It also is a very smooth way of introducing/reminding the readers of Lucas' ability and Charlie's awareness of it. The last part is just - guh - as I said, beautiful.

Followed by Lucas abruptly making a run for the wing in which he, and his bed, reside? I can just see the decision snapping into place in his mind. Hee.

I loved reading the description of Lucas' quarters. It's interesting that they are so open, when Lucas – around others – seems, or rather is so closed. But I think it’s a wonderful layer of his character, that he can be such an open person, and that – by letting Charlie into this light, open place that is personal space, he is opening up to Charlie. And, then how comfortable and "relaxed" Charlie is once he's there. I suspect you wrote that all on purpose, dear. If not, it must be your Accidental Genius playing up again.

And, the bit where Charlie mumbles into Lucas' neck – it's possibly more breathtaking than the kiss itself. It's just – so real. I find physical intimacy in an unfamiliar situation tends to happen with some kind of touch or graze or embrace, rather than that "gazing into one another's eyes as you slowly lean into a kiss" scenario that always seems to occur in fiction.

Affection, so intense that his heart ached with it, rushed through Charlie at the sight, and he saw how Lucas’ eyelids fluttered; even when unconscious, the blond man reacted to the feelings of his lover.

I think this is my favourite-ever instance of Lucas' ability. It's just so beautiful. And I loved the use of the word "lover". Charlie and Lucas are such a perfect expression of that term.

The rest of the final scene, I don't know if I can find words to describe how I feel about it. The dynamic between Charlie and Lucas is, well, as I said, they are an expression of the term "lovers". Not necessarily going to the alter to pledge their love 'til death do they part, but full of love, passion and intimacy, and appreciative of the time they spend together. Even the feeling of the scene, without the dialogue, expresses that. The dialogue emphasises it; it also makes it tangibly painful because – why exactly will Charlie regret it forever? Sigh. What happened to love is all you need.

I know that's not what it's about. I'll stop complaining. You depicted wonderfully the idea of savouring the moment and enjoying happiness while it lasts, and the aspect of Charlie's departure just makes the entire story more tangible and real, and even if it is somewhat painful, I feel it's preferable to a fluffy-happy-ever-after.

Yes, this review is empty of criticism; I see no need to go out of my way to suggest improvements when I feel there is no need for any. (Also, if I felt there was need, I probably should have mentioned it while betaing, yes?)

Her breath fogged the glass, reminding her she was alive.

I like this line for a couple of reasons. One, the use of her "breath" to remind her that she's alive is very nice. It reminds us of the profound meaning behind the simplicity of breathing. I also like how you indirectly attribute a numbness, or apathy of life to Narcissa here. In the previous sentences, we get a sense of coldness, but here you clarify that it's not an arrogant coldness or cold fury, but a lack of warmth.

Unconsciously, she felt herself relax slightly.

I found this line a little contradictory. If you "feel" yourself do something, you are conscious of it. "Unconsciously, she relaxed," would have worked better. Very short and simple, but it's better to be concise than to cloud or contradict your meaning in an attempt to be descriptive.

The first part of the story is very intriguing. Why is Rabastan looking for Narcissa? What is the cause of Narcissa's anxiety? I like how you don't reveal the full picture, and draw the reader in to what is happening.

The interaction between Narcissa and Nott is interesting too. On one hand, it's easy to imagine a male student asking a female student to go to the girls dormitory to ask another female student to come down. But, this seems very formal. And Narcissa's attitude towards Nott, her unspoken dismissal, makes it appear that she has a higher standing than her. I'm not entirely certain what I think of this, though. It seems that a lot of fics make the Slytherins out to behave like they're constantly in "Death Eater mode". Completely aware of social ranking, taking orders from those above them and being dismissive of people below them. I can see that the stiffness could be due to Nott's awareness of the tension, and Narcissa's coldness being due to her own fear and aloofness, but it just comes across… a little too much like Narcissa is a queen being summoned by her handmaiden at the request of the angry King.

"Narcissa squeezed her eyes back together"

A sentence I felt was worded oddly. Squeezing one's eyes back together would, in a literal sense, indicate her actually squeezing each of her two eyes together, rather than the lids of each of her eyes, separately. It seems that, because you're using common imagery (to squeeze one's eyes shut), but applying it to slightly different wording, you haven't actually looked at the sentence for it's actual meaning. I actually do see that mistake a lot – people use ready-made familiar phrases, but they apply them differently, and don't notice that it doesn't make sense because of the familiarity.

As with the "unconsciously, she felt herself relax" sentence, I think that you just need to rely less on familiar language and really choose your own words and pay attention to their final meaning. Because, there are places in your writing where I can sense a crisp originality ("She turned to him, swelled with hope." / "…crying for her to shove him away uncivilly and run" / "Narcissa had trouble identifying the origin as her cheekbone. " / "White. The first thing Narcissa could comprehend was white.") and at those times it’s wonderful and your potential is shining through. But I do read a lot of very familiar phrases - eyes blazing, fiery waves crashing over, etc – and while it's not "bad" writing, it can take away from the power of what you're capable of.

She felt his arms close around her, gently drawing her to him. Narcissa clenched his shoulders in her hands and buried her face in his chest, her body shaking. She felt safe, warm, and protected.

The irony here is so sad, so real, and very concisely illustrated. I like how well the words come together, how there is no need for explanation even though it is, of course, completely… wrong.

I enjoyed the little reference to Andromeda's upcoming wedding. Little details always help make a fic it's own – but not only that, there is so much story loaded into that otherwise insignificant to the fic itself except as a topic of conversation, because as readers we are aware that Andromeda's wedding is not going to be going as planned. Narcissa's concern is also wonderfully written; it shows sisterly love, and I like how it rounds her characterisation out.

Everything else was filtered out as unimportant junk.

This sentence threw me off a little, simply because I can't imagine Narcissa using the word "junk". It's a bit too casual and American, and I can't imagine a high-class British girl using it in what would be the early 70's (also factoring in how "traditional" magical society is). I know she doesn't actually use the word herself, but narration should stick as close to the setting as possible, as well as to the character's point of view. Narcissa's use of "it's no problem" is similar; It's not something I would imagine belonging to her dialogue.

I think for the most part, this fic, and the subject matter, is handled tastefully. However, I don't feel connected to it. For me, it reads too much like cliché of an abusive relationship, with the usual characteristics assigned to the submissive woman and the dominant man. It seems two-dimensional. It is well-developed and written enough that it encourages the reader to accept the characters' choices and actions, but not so much that it demonstrates understanding.

I don't believe the only way to improve that is to go become a beaten-woman. I don't believe that one has to experience something to be able to write it, or that one can write something solely because they've experienced it. But I do think that writing something as serious as this means really having to consider the complex psychology involved. As I've said, you actually did this very tastefully, so I don't believe you took the subject matter lightly at all, which is very respectable; but I also don't think it was written seriously enough.

I actually think the part that was the most tangible, easiest to understand, was with the introduction of the sexual side of the relationship. Because, this is something I have very rarely seen mentioned in stories pertaining to abusive relationships – except in the sense where the man is sexually abusive. But you don't write Rabastan as sexually abusive, so much as you use Narcissa's sexual desires as something that ties her to the relationship. Generally, fear and emotional insecurity are what traps the woman, and the originality of this, as well as the fact that it's a less stereotypical trait of the "weak female", is what brings me closer to believing in the story.

On a similar note, as I think it adds to my perception of the subject, the tone of the story, formed by your imagery and descriptive words, is consistent and very wonderfully clear. But, again, there is a drawback, and that is that it feels like a lot of those words and phrases forming the tone feel like they were plucked out of a "Dark/Angsty" fic generator. They were well applied, definitely, but a little too familiar and clear in their intent.

As I've said, and I hope you noticed amidst the critique, is that you handled the subject tastefully, and that your tone is very consistent and clear. This shows up best in the scene where Rabastan beats Narcissa in the empty classroom following the scene with Lucius. The writing here is so incredibly clear and potent; I see the violence, and I am aware of the intensity of it, but it doesn't go "over-the-top". Which is honestly quite incredible given the sheer magnitude of what Rabastan inflicts on Narcissa. I absolutely have to applaud the clarity and power of that scene.

I'm conflicted about the ending. I don't feel the attitude of the matron is serious enough. She's speaking to Narcissa as if she just had a serious Quidditch accident, rather than a teenage girl who had just been rescued from a profound beating at the hands of her (former) boyfriend. Aside from the physical aspect, the emotional and psychological aspects here would be treated very, very seriously, and I don't think that this is communicated by the matron's manner.

Aside from that, I love the ending. I was of course hoping that Lucius would save her, but I'm glad that Lucius isn't predictably sitting by her bedside like a sickening cliché. And, I appreciate the way it's somewhat open-ended. We don't know what happens to Rabastan, or how things will happen with Lucius and Narcissa. It's a very fresh ending, in the sense it is distinctly its own and belonging to this story. And, the reader can sense the outcome, too. And despite Lucius/Narcissa having very little screen time, comparatively, you've set up an very tangible, developed foundation for a Lucius/Narcissa dynamic that is also all your own.

Overall, I think this is a great concept for a fic, and the structure and outline of the story is excellently done. I also appreciate that you don't take the subject matter overboard, and that it's easy to believe and accept. I do think that it could be taken a little deeper, but you did quite a good job of it in several places – it's just not quite there for me. My favourite aspect of the story would have to be the depth that it attributes to the Malfoys' relationship despite the fact that it isn't a "pairing" story in a traditional sense. Very well done :)

I must make a mental note to review this properly at some point. In fact, if you don't get another review from me before the end of the month, I demand you PM me on the forums to ask where your review has run off to.

For now, I must say that this story is one of the most profoundly captivating and beautiful "romance" fics I've ever read. (I put romance in quotes because it seems too light and trivial and gushy a word to use for this). It's just so sincere and real and -- gorgeous. ♥

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much. I'm a huge fan of your Lily/Narcissa stories so this has made my evening. I'm glad you found it believable as I wasn't sure it would be when I first had the idea. Thanks again ~Carole~