writing my own story. It's taking forever. I also like to read what others write.
nice chapter. I suppose you didn't want to overwhelm her at the opening feast.
Author's Response: Sorry for my late response, things have been getting on top of me and I've let important things, like responding to my reviewers, slip. Thank you for your reviews, your input has encouraged me to continue with this story. I am putting it on ice for a few weeks while I complete my other one but I will get in touch with you once I have updated. Thank you again!
Good portrayal of Petershowing all his mixed emotions.
What I might question is the regret at the end. If he truly regretted it, I think he would have actually said he was sorry at the shrieking shack in POA but he never did. He denies and denies and then says pity me.
In my mind regret means that if he had to do it over again he would have chosen a different path. I don't think Peter has changed nor does he want to. He wants things to be different but is unwilling to take the necessary steps.
Author's Response: Regret is in the eye of the beholder. It\'s much easier to say you regret something to yourself..then go out and openly admit your failures to others. Peter was afraid of the marauders. He\'s one of those people who will say what needs to be said to get on someone\'s good side. I don\'t know, I didn\'t write him as a character, that\'s just my take on him. I know that sometimes I regret things but won\'t tell anyone. But that\'s just me being stubborn, lol. Thanks for your review!
good character study of someone in a hopeless situation.
I think you used the wrong characters for the story. This isn't Hermione and Ginny wouldn't betray anyone especially a friend. The main character should have been Marietta and the companion, Cho. It would be easy to see that Marietta would quickly accuse Cho of betrayal to hide her own guilt.
generally good story. Although Poppy as you portrayed her doesn't seem to be "canon", you made her a real character. Do you have plans for more Poppy stories?
The only criticism I would have might be a lack of tension. For instance she could have protested more strongly about Remus only to have realised that he was just a child. Or conversely Dumbledore could have told her there was this student who wanted to come to Hogwarts but couldn't and have her come up with a solution. Or and it might be a little over dramatic have her daughter killed by a werewolf.
Seems to me that you have another story about the daughter's illness. Should try and write it.
Author's Response: Hmm. These are all very good ideas! If ever I have the time/stamina, I might utilise some! Thank you very much for your review! *D*
In spite of the fact that this story takes place 100 + years ago, it's amazing how many familiar names there are.
one small thing-I don't think it's fair to say that Dumbledore has no slytherin traits. Certainly he isn't power hungry and he most likely wasn't obsessed by purebloods, but is that all there is to Slytherins? Must they corner the market on being obnoxious and rude? It will be interesting to see what challenges Dumbledore faces.
Another thing, I see Dumbledore as a uniter of the houses therefore I expected he would have one Slytherin trait.
Author's Response: Well, Aberforth, Dumbledore, and Flamel are all +100 when the series starts (Flamel being in his 500's); I don't think it's too far-fetched. I tried to research who the headmaster was at the time, and the majority of sites thought Phineas Nigellus was most likely.
Oh, I've been waiting for someone to mention the Slytherin bit :). I never said he had no Slytherin traits; I did say he lacked a lot of them, and because the other Houses' traits were so prevalent, the Hat ruled Slytherin out. I will say one thing: Pride was going to become an issue (we have seen Dumbledore comment on his own brilliance a few times). I would call that a Slytherin trait, though perhaps it's Gryffindor as well. Also, a little off-topic, but many people think Dumbledore was biased toward Gryffindor and cruel to Slytherins, like when Gryffindor wins the House Cup in the first book. Personally, I think it was unintentional on Dumbledore's part, as far as hurting Slytherins' feelings goes (the surprise ending was more of a literary device), but he does favor Gryffindor at times.
On an aside, I've sort of gone back to my "fan-fiction-is-evil" belief. Have I come even close to how Dumbledore was as a child? I doubt it. Only J.K. knows, and therein lies the problem with fan-fiction.
I'm sorry for writing such a long response! Hopefully it makes some sense. Thank you for the review!
Author's Response: *I made a mistake there. Flamel was 600 when the series started; I was thinking about Dumbledore's school years right then.
good story. realistic portrayal of Draco. Snape's motives are rather vague, but they usually are. Narcissa's reaction seems realistic enough but it looks as though Snape is putting her life in danger.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this story, but thanks for reading.
interesting chapter that leaves you wanting more. frustrating actually. :)
Author's Response: :) Thanks for reading.
So glad you updated. I enjoyed it. Looking forward for more.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! It's great to see your review.
I like the way you compare Hogwarts to Salem. Nice touch.
Is Talon suppose to be Muggleborn? Draco refers to him as Muggleborn in his lovely vulgar way. But if he is Cedric's brother, you need to remember that Cedric's father is the wizard who accompanied Harry and the Weasleys to the Port-key in GOF. Is this part of your alternative Universe?
The part where Talon tries to talk to Lorilei at the train station is poignant.
The dream that Lorilei has at home is a little creepy in its implications. You have a proper cliffhanger.
Author's Response: Talon is a halfblood. Since in the books it is never discussed wether or not Cedric\'s mother is a wizard I decided for the sake of my story that their mother would be muggle. If in my story somewhere Draco directly refers to Talon as a muggle born, I apoligize. I actually began the story with Talon being muggleborn, but then decided somewhere in the middle to make him Cedric\'s younger brother. If you could kindly tell me what chapter it is where Draco refers to Talon as a muggleborn, I will gladly correct it and certainly appretiate it. Thank you for the review!
I like how you have sibling rivalry between Talon and his older brother, although at this point it does seem one sided.
Draco's attempt to save Lorelei shows a a somewhat nobler side to him. Granted he isn't perfect but it does give him hope.
Author's Response: The sibling rivalry is still developing, in the next few chapters you\'ll find out why Talon feels such loathing for his brother. Thanks for the review! :)
A couple of minor errors. Past tense of stay is stayed not staid. And to be really picky, Vector teaches arithmancy not runes. But I do like that you decided to have Loralei take a different subject than what Harry is taking I also like that you introduced new characters, Olivia, Talon and Ian.
I find Damon's "punishment" inspiring. Although a little over the top, it's the type of punisment that other wizards wouldn't even question.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Sorry it\'s taken so long to update, but I\'ve been really busy! Check back soon!
This was a fun chapter to read. The descriptions of the magical items were fascinating. The dramas of early adolescent love seem real emough especially the endless questions by Pavarti and Lavender. I also like that Draco has some depth to his character.
nice characterization of Rebekka.
Good chapter with lots of background, though for a minute I thought Remus was affected by a love potion for his cousin.
I liked Kane's last moments. Good writing.
Suspenseful ending.
Very suspenseful chapter