writing my own story. It's taking forever. I also like to read what others write.
Severus Snape has ambitions to rise above his humble beginnings. Eris Greyback has a family debt to repay. Their romance is a more complicated brew than the trickiest of potions. SSEG, LEJP. The sequel, The Potions Master's Apprentice, is also complete.
*Winner of the 2007 QSQ Award for Best Marauder Era Story*
I think I got confused during that whole cruciatius thing. I know they wanted to erase Lily's mind so her guilty feeling wouldn't cause her to "tell". Then Snape erased James mind because he was too transparent. And Eris is the secret keeper so that no one knows what happened unless she tells. But if this is the case, James shouldn't be having that conversation with Eris about keeping secrets from Severus nor discussing whether an automatic prison sentence for the Cruciatius is ethical.
The rest of the story was excellant. Not sure how you did it but you made it believable that Eris would fall for a potential Death Eater.
Author's Response: Thank you! To be like Inigo and sum up, they used a Memory Charm on Lily, so she wouldn\'t go noble and tell. James is keeping Lily\'s secret, therefore he needs a Secret Keeper so no one can find out what Lily did, even by using Legilimency. James chose Eris, so after Severus assisted James and Eris with Fidelius Charms, she used a Memory Charm on him.
Severus thought he and Eris had been snogging, then hid under the desk when they heard someone trying to enter. Hearing Potter say his girlfriend’s name, Severus rolled his eyes. He should’ve hexed instead of hidden.
Thank you for the compliment, and if you get a chance to read The Potions Master\'s Apprentice, I\'ll be thrilled! ^_^
Very amusing story. I like Eris, sort of the good Slytherin I've been hoping to see. I also kike the cat and I'm sure it was no coincidence that Severus met the cat again going to the Whomping Willow. Looking forward to figuring/finding out the mystery of the 2nd year girl. I read the Xanth series ages ago, I don't remember nonentitree but I do remember the puns in general.
Author's Response: Yay for you remembering Xanth! Ogre, Ogre, Centaur Aisle and Crewel Lye are my faves. Do any of those sound familiar? Yeah, no coincidences, lol, and I look forward to you reading! :D
"Honestly no, Dishonestly? THere's always a chance. " amusing, Tom Wilkes is interesting.
Also I like Eris' dating advice to James.
Author's Response: When I read that Wilkes was Snape\'s friend at school (or as close to one as Severus got, lol) I knew he had to be a character (pun not intended, but snickered over anyway. :D)
The bickering and the put downs in McGonagall's class seemed realistic. I like how you portray Narcissa. That she is or could be a little bit more than a purebred snob.
James is also portrayed nicely. I like how he tilted his antlers to the cat.
In one sense I kind of pity Eris because she is falling in love with a Death Eater and not knowing it.
Author's Response: James is a nice guy, isn\'t he? Cissy is a self-centred snob, but she can be a good friend too. I think we see every Slytherin\'s bad side in the books, lol. Severus isn\'t a Death Eater yet, but that is definitely a couple issue they\'ll have to deal with sooner or later. (Actually later, since after this fic ends at ch 24, there\'s a sequel. ^_^)
I like Eris' payback. Serves him right.
Author's Response: Wasn\'t too painful, though, was it? LOL
Passing out due to exhaustion? Me thinks Severus might have an ego problem here. But other than that good chapter.
Author's Response: \"Severus knew his kisses affected Eris deeply, but this was alarming.\" He knew the exhaustion was from tranfiguring so many items, a magical exhaustion, not from kisses--that would be a \'Sirius\' conceit, LOL.
To think I was all set to say it was unlikely that Voldemort could enter the castle. Excellant twist using the Baron.
Author's Response: Happy Thanksgiving...if it is Thanksgiving wherever you are, :D. I decided to recover from Turkey malaise by checking email, and I\'m so glad I did! You gave me something else to be thankful for. ^_^
Eris' character is fascinating. How she distrust Lucius yet it seems that her own brother may not be all that different. SHe's annoyed with him yet loves him. I reread the first chapter. When I read it the first time I got the impression she was somewhat shallow, very free with the snogging etc. None of these characteristic were reinforced later. So did Severus just have the wrong impression of her or did something happen that made her change?
Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ He had the wrong impression. She\'d been up all night, wearing a party dress, therefore she must be a party girl. :D Severus isn\'t above making wrong assumptions, heh.
I love Professer Kettleburns classes. Always an adventure. Excellant title fo this chapter. Lure of Voldemort, Lure of a witch, Which will he choose?
Author's Response: Ah, you\'ll see, lol. Yay for you liking Kettleburn. I think he\'d fit right in with Monty Python characters. :D
I think Bella's character is a little off. Is she trying to make Severus uncomfortable? Does she do this with the other Death Eater wannabes? I realize you're probably just doing this to make Eris a little jealous, but ti doesn't feel right.
After reading this chapter and rereading some others, I think I understand better Eris actions the previous summer. Originally I some how got the impression the family went away and something happened that bothered/shocked her so much that a few days before she returned to Hogwarts she ran away from home. I see now it was mostly Greyback's lie that caused her to become more thoughtful and that not even her family knew where she was.
Author's Response: Oh exactly. She didn\'t want to go to Malfoy\'s House Party and be put on the DE Marriage Mart, lol, while she did feel tremendous guilt and the need to do something to help Remus. About Bella, with that baby talk of hers, I can absolutely see her coming on to Severus because she knows he doesn\'t want her to. This isn\'t Bella after Azkaban. She\'s less single-minded, and amusing herself at others\' expenses. :D
nice chapter. Shows a softer side of Severus that one wonders how long it could possibly last.
Author's Response: I think everyone has a softer side. Moldy-shorts probably pets Nagini now and then. :D
Some of the family traditions are downright homey like the stirring of the batter and making a wish. The Yule oil is adds a nice magical touch. I suppose this reminds me of a mafia family.
Author's Response: Death Eaters, mafia...killing curses, concrete shoes...either way, don\'t go against the family! :D
The title seems misleading. Before and after what?
What is good is that there is a subtle comparison between Lily and James and how they both handle rejection.
Petunia rejects Lily because of emotional magic. Lily is called a freak and looks for acceptance that she never gets from Petunia.
James is rejected by Chanel and is hurt. But Chanel unlike Petunia asks for forgiveness and James refuses.
Whereas Lily is looking for acceptance and accepts it even though she has been hurt, James lets his hurt prevent him from being truly accepted and chooses to accept a more superficial relationship.
This was probably the chapter that got my respect. I was able to figure out from chap 1 how Nathan came to be and since I am not a shipper I had mixed feelings about going on.
Once you established that Hermione and Ron were still friends, I felt this story might have potential. In other storys, Ron is either dead or an idiot. Here I was pleased to see that Hermione had no baggage where Ron was concerned. Granted in the later chapters, Ron doesn't do much, but at least he isn't a negative influence.
The meeting of Malfoy in the bookstore was also interesting. I thought for sure Nathan and Devon would be friends, but then I've only read up to chap 23. I suppose your purpose was to establish that Hermione dropped out of wizarding society upon her pregnancy.
I was glad in this chapter we had alot from Nathan's point of view.
I suppose it was subconscious that Hermione got Nathan interested in Potions and that in spite of living as a Muggle, Nathan knows alot about the wizarding world. I like how Hermione prepared her son to understand Snape.
One has to ask why the Hufflepuff didn't speak up.
I find it odd that Nathan started out with a good impression of Devon and now Devon appears to be just a bully. Was Devon the ringleader or a follower? Maybe I expected Nathan to say something to Devon about how disappointed he was in his behavior.
Very telling chapter, considering how Nathan reacts alot later in the story. In spite of having a good home, Nathan is seeking recognition from a male figure that his mother respects.
I was amused by Harry's suggestion to bring friends with him when he breaks rules.
To some extent the idea of rape to save Hermione can be a cliche. You did a decent job with the characterizations to make this work.
From Snape's point of view it seems realistic that Nathan knew that Snape was his father. During the unicorn incident, Nathan said I knew you would rescue me, and he refused to let Harry take him.