writing my own story. It's taking forever. I also like to read what others write.
It is good that you account for the possibility that everything might change.
Good chapter.
$#@%software/computer wont let me review the last chap. but actually there was little to add except you used loose instead of lose. So far like how you are setting up the mystery.
I have to remember that this takes place before book 6. The only awkward moment story wise is Ron and Hermione arguing in the first place. Canonwise and esp in book 5 they always argue, but previous to this chap, they really weren't. They are walking back to the castle talking generally and all of a sudden Hermione is saying she never snogged Victor. All that would have been needed is after Hermione asks them if they are trying to freeze to death is the idea that Ron is grumpy (not just suspicious of Harry's statement) and as they walk back to the castle that Harry notices that Ron is giving Hermoine the silent treatment.
This reminds me of the Star Trek NG episode where Data finds his head in San Francisco.
But your story also reminded me of the grieving process I went through when my mother died. In the beginning she would come back from the dead and there would be a huge celebration. It was absolutely wonderful until I woke up. Then it was painful.
Later in my dreams when she came back we would have fights about things she disapproved of me doing. I suppose it was less painful to wake up, but the dreams were brutally honest. Now when I dream of her coming back, I wonder vaguely who was buried in the casket. Other times theres this pervading feeling that she is only going to be staying here for a little while and then she will leave again. It's like in my dreams I don't want to admit she had died.
Anyway good chapter
If it were Sirius' plan to go back in time to save James and Lily, I am surprised that Dumbledore were to approve of it. Even though Harry was depressed I still think Dumbledore would prefer the old fashion way of coping with adversity. But in spite of that, the story is logical and the characters are believable.
It too bad this wasn't written after book 6 with all the speculations of Snape and Lily. Oh, well.
Although I have always accepted Sirius' death, I chose to read this story because it is finished. Sirius seems to be his usual self arguing with the fates. At first I thought Sirius was in Oct 31 back when Lily and James got killed, but then Harry wouldn't be there then.
Thought I'd do a counterpoint about the song. I am like the poster that when confronted with ambigious poetry at the beginning of a chapter tend to skip it or skim it. But at the part where Remus sat down across from her and she continued singing the song I wasn't aware who was talking as I was unfamiliar with the song. It wasn't until I read further down and saw the whole song there did I put two and two together.
So far it seems as though Remus is in character. It makes sense that he would be a little bit bored and depressed after leaving Hogwarts.
Author's Response: I am happy you thought Remus was in-character. I try my best to keep him that way. Thank you for the review. :)
Just so you know. I read the sonnet-didn't skim or skip. Lupin's reaction was definately correct.
Generally I like reading stories that are in the past and try to fill in the gaps of the story. I realize that this may not be your purpose but it is interesting to see life from Remus' point of view.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. :)
glad she looked up at the sky and put two and two together. But Remus could have still come during the day couldn't he?
Author's Response: Well, I always imagined the cup being in the evening, and Remus most likely had things to do, and when he came to his senses, it was too late to contact her.
Thank you for taking the time to review!
needed to read twice to pick up on subtle details. I like the detail you give in describing the teacher's interactions with each other.
Thanks for the summation at the beginning of the chapter.
very good story. There are many things I wish to say. The compliments and criticisms may come out haphazardly.
I find it surprising that Dumbledore doesn't know about the Montgomery gift. If I haven't misinterpreted what you wrote, (and this is possible) you have Dumbledore as Headmaster since around the defeat of Grindewald. I would think that the Sorting Hat and the portraits would be honor bound to tell Dumbledore of this cloak of protection that can be invoked on Hogwarts. On the other hand it really isn't till book 5 does it explicitly state that the castle protects itself against Headmaster pretenders.
How old is Gary Rum? You may have given a line about it but every time I reread this story I have skipped it.
I like how you have portrayed the Slytherin House. Not everyone is evil. I thought that Jeff Rin's comments to Jessica was poignant. Her reply back to him was equally heartbreaking.
I also like how you have both the Americans and the British working together. Also you have given examples of how Riddle/Voldemort have spread fear and no one knows who will be next.
I also think you handled the child abuse appropriately. It's a tricky thing to do, but Jessica's responses seem reasonable: that is she is afraid of her abusers, thinks no one can help her, and feels extra guilt when someone is hurt or killed because she feels she should have prevented it. I like the response you gave her after she killed her father- the realization that she could be just like Tom.
Author's Response: I am very glad you are enjoying my story so far.
Dumbledore just became the headmaster at the beginning of my story. As I understand it from the books, he became headmaster the same year Remus Lupin started Hogwarts, and that happens to be where my story starts. So Dumbledore just became headmaster.
My reference to him being an employee of Hogwarts refers to him teaching Transfiguration, which I understood him to have started around the time he killed Grindelwald.
Gary is around the same age of Dumbledore. I do not state this explicitly in the story, so if it's confusing, I'm sorry. I try to imply this during the conversation between Gary and Dumbledore after breakfast the same morning Stephen confronts Gary about Jessica stopping the boggart. (After I finish Part 1, I might pause a bit and completely reread and edit Part 1 and republish it so I can fix confusions and problems such as this.)
I am very glad you think I handled the child abuse appropiately. Child abuse in a story - especially a fan fiction - is a very tricky beast. The whole child abuse is to show a few different things about Jessica - one being her pure desperation to try and save everybody and not quite knowing how; another being her change in battling Tom versus becoming like Tom; and, as it will become more clear later, her fight between saving the world versus saving those she loves more than life itself, even if this includes saving them from herself.
Hopefully, I didn't just confuse you more. tehe I'm glad you like everything thus far, and I sincerely hope you continue to enjoy it. Continue with the compliments and the constructive criticisms as you see fit. I enjoy the compliments and take the criticisms into consideration as I continue to write the story.
I was going to point out some of the non-canon facts such as Lucius being a lot older than Severus but if you started writing this before OOP, it makes sense.
The other thing that seems out of place is the fact that Jessica's parents even have a relationship with the Evans. If they are suppose to be snobby pureblood their "friendliness" to the Evans might be out of character. Maybe the next chapters will explain this better.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!
About Jessica's father's relationship with Lily's parents - unfortunately, you have to wait for this explaination. I was going to wait and put it in a lot later (during their seventh year at Hogwarts), but I realize why it's odd. I can fit it in during one of the next couple of chapters. Some things are going to be figured out anyhow (currently, not even Jessica understands why her father was friends with Lily's parents). Right now, as a preliminary explaination has already been explained in further, already published chapters. Jeffery (Jessica's father) is more money hungry than anything. He was getting what he wanted from the relationship - money. Money is power in Jeffery's book, and he didn't care how he had to get it, even if it was from Muggles.
just wanted to congratulate you for having a featured story.
Author's Response: Ah, a familiar name from Occlumency! Thank you!
I liked the dream sequence. It seems like a Harry sort of dream.
Very intricate reasoning as to whether Voldemort can harm Harry now that he's got Harry's blood inside him. I had to read this a couple of times to make sure I got it. This isn't a critcism, but more of a compliment trying to convey complex ideas.
"I'd never give him a Phoenix...except from this one bird. Do you mean that Phoenix feathers should never be mixed with yew wood unless it's the feather from Fawkes. or because of the bargain he made with the Dark Wizard that there may be something suspect between yew and feather from Fawkes. This would explain why he never wanted to sell that particular wand. or are you being deliberately vague and this will be explained later. I like how you are characterizing Ollivander making him a little shady and mysterious but not evil.
nice story with interesting details about both Hermione and Ollivander.