All right, just for the fun of it, here is a little bit about me. Yes, I write HP stories. I do this as a bit of a break while I work on my own fiction. Yes, I think that J.K. Rowling rocks! To put it mildly. And thank you, Ms. Rowling, for letting me play with you toys!
Actually, I don't write YA on my own, which is part of what makes this so fun. It's a diversion, when I don't have to worry about what my characters are doing. Need a cure for writer's block? Borrow some vividly created characters, and plot with plenty of room for footwark!
In my spare time, I'm a starving artist. Once upon a time I ran, played basketball and tennis, and generally had a life. Oh, to have dreams! No, I'm not married, nor do I have any kids. Speaking of elusive dreams...ah well.
Thanks for dropping by, and my best wishes!
LOL! This explains a lot!:
You scored as Sirius. You are most like Sirius! You are generally nice and loyal to those you love.
Sirius 92%
Hermione 58%
Harry 58%
You-Know-Who 33%
Ron 25%
What Harry Potter Character are you
created with QuizFarm.com
"...as if they would like nothing better than to maim him of something important on the spot."
I don't think that this sentence is what you intended. I'm looking forward to reading more!
By the way--look at the home page. The queue won't be closed very long.
Author's Response: I know, but given various developments in my personal life, it\'s going to be hard for me to post anything else between now and when the queue shuts down, so I\'m just going to wait and see how far I can get until they open it back up!
You're right, it wasn't bad.
I do, however, have a couple of comments that have been building for some time, GR. Honestly, while I like your writing, I don't like the villains in the piece so much. Mainly because they all seem to be the "Gary Stu" or "Mary Sue" of villains. Perfect. Overwhelming. They don't narrowly escape our heroes by some fluke--they dominate, leaving them clueless. And you're not giving us, the reader, enough hints as to what's going on, either. What's Anonime Mano? Did I miss the foreshadowing of how it works? That's one thing that Jo did throughout the series--when she was going to introduce a new spell or concept that would be crucial to the plot, we'd see it earlier. Like in GOF, when Molly used Accio on the twins, then Harry had to use it to get his broom.
Well, except for Adam, of course. I caught that one right away, didn't I?
Otherwise, your writing is vivid and detailed. Sometimes too much so--the square was just plain gory, and I thought added little to the story...but I really wanted to offer some honest, truly constructive criticism.
Editing notes: "other’s", as in "You’re no better than the other’s I’ve killed" needs no apostraphe, it's plural rather than possessive. And "alright" still isn't a word--honest. Look it up. Try dictionary.com--I didn't want to post their entries. Or recall that Jo always uses the full "All right, Harry?" when Tonks greets (greeted) Harry.
Thanks again, Grimmrook!
Author's Response: Okay, first, grammar, I pretty much deliver a blanket apology for grammar errors, and you have a point with all right. I write it as alright in dialogue primarily because I get up to my elbows in it with dialogue, trying to write everything as it sounds and not as it is proper because, well, that\'s just my style. I can change that in the future though. Now for the villains. You are right and wrong to a degree, and unfortunately, I can\'t go into full detail on them until after the story is over, but when that happens, I will, I promise. There is, though, a very specific reason why I chose to make them as powerful as they are, and why they seem so terribly mismatched over Harry and Ron. another thing to consider harkens back to the scene in Part II with Rathius in the forest. Not everything is as it seems, and a lot of the time these folks appear more powerful than they really are. But again, to go too far into it would be to ruin the parts of this story that have yet to happen. As for Anonime Mano, actually, I do mention that at the very first crime scene that they visit, and Harry goes over its usage with Adam before they go to investigate Billy Biddicombe\'s body. And, please, don\'t be afraid to give me constructive criticism, especially since it seems to bottle up, and then you unleash a whole can o\' whoop ass all at once, and I think I would rather like the more gradual nudges. but seriously, as for the scene in the square, I think the thing that I screwed up was to put up another warning. At the beginning of this story, and I knew this all along, this was going to be a bloody and gory story at parts, and again, there is a rhyme and reason to all of it that you will have to wait for. As for giving you hints as to what is going on, I have been utterly careful about this because I do not want to give away too much too soon, but, I don\'t want you to worry, in two chapters, i think you are going to get quite a bit of information on what is going on and yet, I plan to leave even more questions . the last thing I want to mention before I move on to your next review is that one thing I think that hurts this story based in regards to your criticisms is that this was not intended to be the last story, but because I have other endeavors that are increasingly usurping my time and energies, this will be the last story that I tell; thus, much needed context to come after this story is over will not be told, though, again, I will most definitely provide a means of telling everything I got on my website (which I haven\'t updated in quite some time). Okay, on to the next one.
Catching up...
“You’d have to know a whole lot more about plants than me to be able to break into this house,”
So is the fifth, or the sixth Nightshade an expert on plants? They chose a special flower as their symbol, after all.
Horace Huckabee the Master?
And here is Anonime Mano...
Author's Response: mmmm... no... I think Rathius is about dead on with his analysis of the Nightshades we\'ve yet to meet. You know, I never really contemplated making one of the Nightshades a plant master, to be honest. I think that would have to be because if you think about it, a plant Nightshade might be... well... kinda boring. I mean, what\'s he going to do in battle? Bring a bunch of vines and plants and stuff? As for Huckabee as the Master... like so many other theories, i can neither confirm nor deny that. Thank you again.
Thanks again, GR. I'm not forgetting you--on the verge of Harry and Jo's birthdays. :D
Author's Response: heh, no worries man. Let it do what it\'s gonna do.
I didn't know that aluminum rusted. :D
Little slip:
"...wanted to do was bury Eric alive,", should be Edgar, I believe.
Only had time to read that far, will be back later. Thanks!
Author's Response: DAMN! With aluminum, I don\'t think it does, not being a ferrous material and all, but still, there\'s a possibility. I mean, I have seen rusted beer and soda cans I think... but now I can\'t be sure.. . Ah damn it all, same goes with the slip. When I get a chance I\'ll fix it thanks.
Hmmm...Ratbone points outthat he's "different"--but fails to consider that someone who chooses to go around murdering Aurorsis as well?
And yes, I meant "Nightshade", since the once murderer we have een considers himself singular.
Eton, I suppose, woulkd also be a candidate--years of resentment of following a career that he hadn't really wanted--with his partner's death the ultimate rejection--and thus the cry to be caught.
Though, in the chess model proposed, I would have considered such a move a sacrifice, a diversion, rather than a desire to lose....
And yes, sorry, I realized that I had already prposed Adam....can he really have been so ineffectusal--despite his "top scores"?
Author's Response: 1. Does he? He may have taken that into account. He may know who the necromancer is. He may be the right necromancerand is just trying to lead everyone on a wild goose chase. 2. I think after the first 1500 words of the next chapter, you\'ll understand that a little more. 3. Very good point... 4. Much like my latin, I know little about chess, so I\'m winging it. In a way, this is my slap in the face to every tv writer who writes about radiation with glaring errors. There always there. and your final comment... To that I have no comment!!! Thanks Igo, see ya next chappie!
Sorry for the mispellings, G. I'm being "seeing impaired" at the moment. I do, indeed,, enjoy the story, and am wondering just what contribution Ginny (or Hermione) might make.
And it would be great if Ratbone could finally push Ron to use his excellent mind...
Author's Response: hehehe, no prob Igo. They\'ll have their impact later, trust me. I think Rathius will push Ron to a level he hasn\'t been to before, but will it be enough?
"Ron’s site" should be "sight".
I'm going to have to mull this over.
Author's Response: Uh-oh... What\'s up?
You know that eventually you're going to have to show us what the solution, what "extraordibary' would have meant.
Hmmm...he didn't mention Disapparating, did he?
And, why did he take all the personal momentos?
Not a bad chapter. Not great, but not bad.
Author's Response: Well, your surmising of the chapter is essentially what I felt. I knew the Wall wasn\'t the most exciting character, nor the mode of death particularly thrilling, but it was servicable, I felt. Extraordinary, you know, I think I just finished addressing this in a previous response, but to clarify, I think the measure for extraordinary will be those standards set by the Master himself. Now, the Wall didn\'t mention disapparating, but he did say they would have to navigate the maze. I had actually contemplated including apparition in the litany, but also, there\'s a rhythm when I address dialogue, there\'s a natural feel I go for, and I think that disapparating felt a little too... unnaturally exposition like. But the personal momentos, and the house, you know you are the first to address that, and in a very general sense, I did that because I wanted there to be a paradoxical quality of the house, being comfortable and homie, but at the same time I wanted it to be offputting, and this was what I did to do that. But anything more deep, that is going to be up to the reader to digest. I don\'t intend on clarifying it later, an intentional loose thread. Did the Wall himself actually even take them? If so why? These are questions I think I meant to be left unanswered. Most definitely by my. Thanks for the review man! later.
"Author's Response: Um... no... not really, why? I'm worried now, what's up?"
Well, how else might the Nightshades denote the next victim?
Bwa-ha-ha-a-a-a!
Oh, sorry...just curious.
Author's Response: heheh... You\'re looking ahead, and i like that. Unfortunately, we\'re not going to be getting any clues or answers in the next chapter, though, the question as to what will denote the next victim will be answered in chapter 10 which will be entitled... eh, I shouldn\'t... Okay, Chapter 9\'s title will be \"In Memoria\" and Chapter 10\'s title will be \"Two Brothers\". Thanks Igo... sorry to keep you curious for so long, but then, there you go.
As always. nice writing, and nice chapter. I'm looking forward to seeing the progression.
I guess Adam isn't the Nightshade after all, huh?
Author's Response: Igo!!!! Heya! Thank you very much. Interestingly enough, this story hasn\'t really even started yet, but we\'ll get there soon enough. I\'m in no rush. As for your guess... It is a mystery, I can\'t let you in on the big secret. But, out of the kindness of my own heart, I will give everyone a hint in an author\'s note for the chapter BEFORE the chapter I actually reveal. Oh, and I will say this other thing, and it\'s mostly because Idon\'t think it\'s that big a deal, you\'ll find out soon enough. NightshadeS... plural... If this leads to other questions, the answers will be made clear later... or at least as clear as I\'m capable of.
By the way, congrats, Grimrook. It was nice to see that in OotP Moody stole Rathius' technique--if you've seen it, you'll know what I'm referring to. :D
Author's Response: Gonna go see it in about an hour and a half. God I hope no one is in that theater because if I catch what you mean, I\'ll probably laugh!
And is there perhaps a clay pot sitting next to Tonks' body?
Author's Response: Um... no... not really, why? I\'m worried now, what\'s up?
Nice.
Author's Response: Thank you, Igo, I\'m glad you enjoyed it.
I hope that you caught it by now...if not, respond after you see the movie. ;)
Author's Response: I did, and laughed by ass off, I just haven\'t replied because I\'ve been so busy, and didn\'t want to respond just to you while I got so many other reviews that have gone by the wayside. Needless to say, with as hectic as my schedule has been, I haven\'t even started on the next chapter (note: I actually saw the Harry Potter movie while at work on a weekend). So yeah, I saw it and you know the first few times I kinda chuckled, but the little scene at the end had me laughing out loud, thankfully the theater was empty! So, my question, is it wrong to feel a little ripped off by that?
Sorry I haven't reviewed in a while. Been a mite...busy. Keep 'em coming, I'm accumlating plot pieces.
So, why did the one guy say that he was the only Nightshade?
Author's Response: IGO! Been a while, though it\'s cool you were busy. so long as you keep comin\' back. Chapter 8\'s been in the hopper since last week, but I have yet to start work on chapter 9, it\'s, I\'m anticipating, going to be a very difficult chapter to write. As to your question, I think the primary intent was as a declaration that he was the head Nightshade, that without him, the Nightshades would have never existed. Ultimately a very egocentric statement.
“Well,” Adam began to ask with a confused frown on his face. “What use does a bald man have for a comb?”
He wraps a tissue around the comb, and plays it like a harmonica. Duh! EVERYONE knows that!
Author's Response: hehehehe... As you put this in a totally separate review, i\'m guessing you actually debated about doing this. Hehehe... Glad you did. Though, who are we to say he didn\'t use it like MacGuyver to build some sort of home made off the cuff shotgun or something?
Don't worry about frequent updates--your life is more important than satisfying us. :)
I always enjoy your writing--and I'll have to stop back later to finish reading this chapter. Best wishes!
Author's Response: I uh... nice um... word choice there. No, seriously, actually \"satisfying\" you guys is an important part of my life. Tragically, I just can\'t devote as much time to it as I would like to. Thank you so much, and I can\'t wait to read your final review for this chapter!
Look at it this way...great minds think alike--and that screenwriter made a MINIMUM of $85K for that screenplay (somehow, I suspect it was much, much more). :D
Have fun writing...and I'll be enjoying DH in 25 hours. *drool*
Author's Response: Ah well. You know, that I think about it, there was something else that kind of struck me. Unless I\'m very wrong, Death Eaters have until now been portrayed as wearing skull masks. But if you look very closely, in this movie they all had their own Individual masks... I\'m just saying, eh? You know... Enjoy DH