*chuckles* I don't know the words to the original, but I like this version. Especially some of the pranks he pulls.

Author's Response: Yeah. I had a lot of fun imagining some of the things Sirius might have done. Thanks for the review!

I’m going to have to agree with the previous reviewer here - not because I hate the story (I don’t - it’s quite interesting) but because Goyle does seem a bit dimmer than dim. I know he’s not brilliant, and I know people are illiterate (in fact, it’s surprising how horridly somebody who’s presumably read the Potter books can write, come to think of it, so I won’t complain about Goyle’s writing.) It’s more the way he thinks and acts - even a relatively stupid person should have been able to work out perhaps a touch more about what was happening to them. So unless they do have some sort of a learning disorder or mental handicap (and wouldn’t Snape, as their Head of House, be expected to notice and do something about it?) a little more intelligence might be called for. Or maybe I’m being overly optimistic about the human race.

Snape, on the other hand, was brilliant. I like the way he sends his messages - it’s subtle and twisty and makes perfect sense. On the other hand, I’m a bit disappointed in him as a teacher. He’s not teaching the boys anything by leaving them under the Imperius Curse, and he’s using an Unforgivable to further his own ends. It’s not exactly out of character, but it isn’t good, and I’d like to smack him for it. I’m sure it says something about my ethics that I can forgive him killing Dumbledore, but not failing to teach those under his care.

I didn’t see any problems grammatically, so I won’t nit-pick at you there. I liked the non-verbal use of Imperio. That only makes sense, if somebody can control somebody else using the curse from a distance, they shouldn’t have to hear the spoken words. And I like the thought of them responding to random thoughts - that right there would be an interesting fic to see.

Power corrupts, indeed. This story is very powerful. It’s fitting that Harry’s arrogance and dislike of Snape would be his downfall in the end, even as his own power is. If only he’d been more willing to learn…if only he’d trusted more. And yet, that which is good in him – his love, his willingness to give himself to the fight against Voldemort and ultimately to give up his own life to stop the evil within him – those things are here, too. It’s very nice to see a story that has both the good and bad parts of Harry in it. Too often in fanfic we only see one or the other.

It looks like you might have edited this story a few times since you posted it – that’s usually what causes the extra spaces between paragraphs. I actually had to copy the story into word and cut those out to read comfortably, so you might want to see about fixing that.

What an interesting take on the Deathly Hallows. I think I might like them better than the canon equivalents. The Dark is very literal in this story, and it works quite well.


Author's Response: Thanks! I had hoped someone from class would pick my story to review :) Yeah, I hate it when those gappy things happen. I\'ll do what you suggested and bring it into word.

Use a cliffhanger, why don’t you? Now I’m going to be switching between this story and that other one I’m reading all evening, because I can’t abandon either of them! This was a good first chapter – it really hooked me in right off, trying to figure out who was in the shack. At first I assumed they meant the shrieking shack, and they had a werewolf friend – then I started to figure out who ‘Ella’ was. I like how bemused Cassie is by the whole thing (oh, and I like her name… would it be short for Cassiopeia?) I can certainly understand why Harry feels the way he does about Ella, and I rather liked your characterization of her, though it was a bit startling without some explanation of why she’s so…sweet. I’ve always thought she might have a soft spot for children, though, so I’ll swallow it and see what comes next.

I can’t wait to find out how she ended up as a slave, or why Harry has her. The one thing that bothered me as I was reading was a certain lack of subtlety in Cassie’s characterization. Now, I’m fairly certain I lose readers by trying to be too subtle, and I frequently feel like I’m being beaten about the head with stuff I read, so take this with a grain of salt – but the constant repetition of Cassie’s loyalty to her friends seemed a bit forced. It’s not exactly ‘show, don’t tell’ – you were showing, but you were also telling, over and over, in the narrative. There’s a bit of the same thing when Frank explains why he’s coming along. He says it so baldly… it sounds a bit like the writer talking, and not a character.

That was really the one thing that bothered me, though, and I like it. Most of the writing and description is very well done, and I like your OCs. I can’t wait to see more of Harry, and find out what’s going to happen next. I can tell this is going to be an interesting ride.


Author's Response: Cliffhangers are fun. And I\'m sure you know who Ella is. This is because you know me. A lot of people didn\'t figure it out so quickly. And you were probably in some of the chats where this story was discussed.

And *HUGS* I also have always thought that she had a soft spot for kids. I thought I was the only one. Anyway, I know the characterization isn\'t perfect, but at this point, you\'re not really supposed to know who she is. Why she is this way should become clearer as you read.

Oh and Cassie is short for Cassandra.

And if lack of sublety is bad for you, I\'m sure you\'ll be mentioning it again as you read on. The story isn\'t overly subtle, nor are the characters. And there is a lot of repetion regarding their motives. It\'s more they way I wrote it than anything else, I believe.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading this and leaving a review! *hugs Masky* I\'m glad I\'ve got you hooked. It\'s my all-time favorite. :D

Wow. I like Peter - he's a bit resentful and very tricky, but not bad. And he doesn't have any misgivings about the Imperius Curse except the punishment. Scary... but easy to see where he runs into trouble. And a very amusing Marauder adventure at the same time :)

Author's Response: Ah, very alert reading. He\'s a little TOO bold and brave about that little curse, isn\'t he? Peter is fun. Thanks for reviewing!