My head’s spinning a bit from all the information in the last two chapters. I’ll try to be a good girl, and not complain too much; it’s not your fault I’m more interested in the technicalities of an Animagus transformation that I am in romance.

The only thing I can really say about the last two chapters is that I wish there had been more of them. I would have liked to see Remus’s younger life unfolding more as a series of events than a list of them. I loved the scene in which Sirius, James, and Peter tell Remus that they know. I loved Sirius’s first kiss. I adored the scene with Narcissa. But I really would have liked to see more of those, and I would have loved to see more of Remus’s parents.

Author's Response: Okay, now I have to admit something that only deanine knows about my story. It started out as a flat out romance in Remus' fifth year. I had a ton written when I realized how much I loved him and decided it needed to have a little backround. So, I started going back and tried to build up to it more gradually. I really enjoyed writing those things, (and I'm so glad you enjoyed them), but worried that I might be the only one who cared and since it was in the romance section, people might want some romance and I think I rushed it. So, I agree with you. At the same time, though, I don't know if I have the imagination to come up with enough interesting stuff to do much more. The pranks and things one expects from the Marauders are a bit tough for me. I'm afraid I'm not devious enough to get them into enough trouble. So, I took the easy way out and as you say, sort of ticked off the passage of time in a list of things in order to get to the romance I had intended. *blushes in shame* Now, having found others who love a little background as much as I do, I may go back and fill in the gaps when I have the story finished or if things come to mind. I guess that is the good thing about "publishing" fanfiction. You can always go back and fiddle with it. Especially when people offer good advice. So thank you. I do have a scene from their second year where they are trying to teach Remus to play Quidditch! LOL Also, you will see more of Remus' parents. They are some of my favorite characters to write. They pop up now and again.

It finally struck me what I forgot to mention in my last review: Remus’s internal rationalizing of the Marauder’s actions is wonderfully done. It’s subtle, but it’s still there; I had to lie, because… they had to do it, because… the Slytherins made it impossible to stop… it wasn’t worth a fight… they don’t even listen to Lily… You have all the right excuses in there. This chapter was no different.

The details you’re giving about the making of the Map are pleasing me to no end. I have quite the obsession with all things magical, and I love watching the processes unfolding. I like the idea of them scouting the various rooms, slowly expanding the Map. I also like James and Sirius’s attention to details, even if they aren’t the details their teachers would like them to remember.

The duel seemed incredibly stupid, but then, they were stupid boys. If they would attack Snape in front of so many witnesses at the end of fifth year, I’m not really surprised they also held duels in the middle of the hall.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Mask. I'm glad the rationalizing is working. I sometimes feel that I'm not nearly subtle enough and other times I worry that I don't give enough emphasis to something and it will be lost. I probably do both, but it is good to know that some of it falls somewhere in between. I'm glad you are enjoying the Marauders' Map. I love the magical things as well. I just wish I had the creativity to invent them myself, but will have fun playing with Jo's for now. Yep, I think we are agreed that they could definitely be STUPID! But I still love them. I'm afraid I might point out their stupidity so much that people will think I don't. But, I think the facts speak for themselves, they could be real idiots and even jerks. But I do still love them. Thanks so much for another wonderful review.

Now that you’ve gotten to the story, the chapters don’t feel rushed at all. The pacing is quite nice, and I haven’t been confused recently - quite a feat, as I’m usually thrown off by small things. The writing is very consistent, and doesn’t trip me up as I’m reading. And Sirius… Sirius is perfect. I don’t like Sirius that much as a character, but I’ve been smiling throughout this chapter at his attempts to win her over. It was only an added bonus that he failed; I’m interested in his reaction to that. I’m sure there’s more I should be saying, but now that I’m reading it’s hard to stop!

Author's Response: [quote]I don’t like Sirius that much as a character.[/quote] *gasps and runs to get brown paper bag* *breathes* He isn’t Remus, but… *blinks* Okay, hyperventilation averted. Sirius: in my view he was definitely a flawed character, but I really like him despite the immaturity that he showed. I’m sure it is the suffering that was inflicted upon him that makes me more sympathetic towards him (moonymaniac is a sappy marshmallow). Had he not suffered, I probably would have thought he was just a big jerk from the snippets JKR has given us. But he was one of Remus’ best friends so he had to have had good qualities besides being a hottie. ;) My hope is to show why he was a good friend (his loyalty, playful nature…), but at the same time to present his jerkishness (I know that isn’t a word ;)) as well, since it plays a rather important part in later chapters of the fic. So, long story short, I’m glad you enjoyed him here, and his reaction…eh, Sirius is very cool; who knows what is really going on in his head? ;) ;) I’m glad to hear the pacing and writing is smoother. I really think when I’m finished I will look at some major work on those earlier chapters. Thank you, Mask.

You’ve done a wonderful job keeping everyone in character, and still making me laugh. Instead of twisting the characters to make them funny, you very expertly used their innate sense of humor, and the result was hilariously wonderful. This came as close to perfection in a story as any I can think of: great job. I have a few comments on lines taken directly from the story:

“…his hooked nose bore a pronounced scar from a Cruciatus Curse…” Does the Cruciatus Curse leave scars? I didn’t think it did, but it doesn’t say anywhere that it couldn’t either, I suppose.

“Only as it pertains to thought. In facing up to my…indiscretions, I would elect to spare myself the trial of accompanying you to the church and subjecting myself to a mass public hexing.” For some reason I found this line inordinately amusing. The entire first half of the fic was endless amusement with the conversations between them, but I especially liked that one line.

“This flat seems suitable enough,” Snape decided. “I can Apparate here each evening and at the weekends. Or, if you prefer, we could find a cottage in Hogsmeade.” You’re missing a quotation mark where I added one in bold.

I did wonder (though only after I had finished the fic, and was contemplating my review) about Charlie riding a dragon. I got the distinct impression from the books that Dragons weren’t tamable at all, and that they weren’t ridden.

Again, a wonderful, in character, humorous, realistic story, written well. I’ll be adding it to my favorites list.

Author's Response: Thank you, Masked One. I'm glad you enjoyed it. As for scars and dragon riding, I think they've both become fanon cliches by now. I'm not the first to use them and I doubt I'll be the last. What isn't specifically stated in canon, we are allowed to invent. Then we must leave it up to the discerning reader to tell us whether we have crossed the line or pulled it off.

This is an incredibly strong one-shot. I actually read it for the first time a few days ago, but I wanted to think it over before I reviewed. It’s terribly sad, but beyond that, terribly depressing. You don’t leave any hope for improvement at the end: just a path that keeps going down and keeps getting worse. It’s brave of you to write that: I can’t ever bring myself to end something without a ray of hope. She wants to be sitting two tables away from Padma, far enough away that she doesn't feel responsible. This line, found so early within the story, really sums up everything. How we want to take care of the ill, and how uncomfortable it can be to be around them when there’s nothing we can do. I like the way you’ve stated it so bluntly here. The first flashback, about the Cauldron Cakes, highlights the starting point so well. It’s very well chosen for many reasons: It’s just the two of them, before other friends begin to exert their influence; they’re carefree, before the troubles of the world start to weigh on them; it’s about food, and demonstrates clearly a time when there was no hint of the problem to come. She knows she must tread carefully, knows she must not ask. How true. When a friend’s doing something that’s not good for them, sometimes you’ve just got to be there for them, and let other people try to force them to change. But it can be the hardest thing to do—I can really feel for Parvati there. Two sisters and two best friends, taking support and giving it in return. This is the first time we really see the sisters dealing with trouble; it’s also the first time we see their friends. It makes a nice scene, and it really marks the difference between that sharing of troubles and the one-sided strength at the end. I know Parvati resents the change (and for good reason!) but I wonder if Padma does as well? Parvati wheedles. “Are you sure that's enough food?” I think I might have put a comma after wheedles, like this: wheedles, “Are…” She tells herself she's done something, tells herself she's made a difference. Poor Parvati! But she HAS made a difference: only a tiny one, but she’s stopped it from getting any worse that day. She’s merely holding off the inevitable though, poor girl…and you’ve done a wonderful job showing that. You’ve set up a horribly truthful dynamic between them, with Parvati trying so hard not to push Padma away. It’s one of the strongest themes in this story; a difficult one, but true. The memory of their train-ride home after fourth year is so powerful, because you can see the roots of the separation starting. The cycle that’s so evident by ‘present time’ is just beginning there, with Padma struggling for a feeling of control and Parvati trying to be strong for her. You can see it all starting, and you just want to scream at them to DO something about it. The body Padma sees does not exist; it is no more real than the pudding she never ate. My favorite line in the whole story. It says so much, in so few words. Love it! Parvati wants to cry for what her sister has become. She wants to cry for all the words left unsaid. But she must be strong. She must not cry in front of Padma. She must not. For Padma's sake. This just makes it so painful. It makes you wonder if Parvati wouldn’t be better to just go on with her life, instead of letting herself be miserable beside Padma—and at the same time you know that she won’t, because she loves the old Padma so much. The dynamic you’ve set up with Lavender is another great theme. Clearly Parvati would rather be with her, and I’m sure Padma can tell. It makes me wonder what Padma’s thinking through all of this, and what Padma feels about what has become of herself, and how fragile she is. Have you ever considered doing a companion piece?

Author's Response: Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this. I don't really have any excuse except that I wanted to respond properly and either didn't have the time or got distracted by other things.

I guess I hadn't thought about how dark the ending is. I wanted to make it real, though. In life, there sometimes isn't resolution. Sometimes nothing happens, and you get used to the pain of interaction and slowly you drift away. I wanted to show that. I think it's important to show how that uncertainty can become normality.

Before I begin commenting on the story itself, I want to make a quick note about your writing. I read a few chapters of the story about your OC (Sophie?) who stumbles into Hogwarts, and I remember thinking that you had lots of potential. There were points that tripped me up, but it was good stuff. In this story you’ve nearly perfected that writing. Everything is smooth, everything flows nicely. It is, in short, wonderful.

I don’t have a wide experience—or any experience, really, beyond a few books—with people who suffer from mental diseases. However, Sam’s view of the world reminds me of those I have seen portrayed in books: he has a very clear factual knowledge, focuses on time, and seems almost completely unaware of social norms. I wonder if some of that flavor is left over from the original book which inspired you. However, since I’ve never read the book, that could be way off target. What I would note is that he doesn’t seem at all like the average 11+ year old, and I wonder how much of that is a deliberate effort on your part because of his upbringing, and how much might have carried over from other sources.

With that said, you’ve handled the issue of Squibs within the Wizarding world very well. That he felt out of place, even within the hospital, explained it all perfectly. The world is closed to him because magic is taken so much for granted, and in many ways a person without magic will forever be a child. How could a Squib transport themselves? Make a living? Even cook for themselves, with everything powered by magic? The implications of that complete dependency explain a lot about Sam, from the way he lets his mother handle everything, to the way he can’t see himself having his own goals.

They weren’t willing to risk the stony politeness of the air by marring it with such an ugly word as “Squib.”. . .The idea that Sam wasn’t even able to accomplish his one goal on earth had always been frightening to him. These two sentences, and others, give a lot of information about Sam’s mother. Clearly she thinks of him as incapable, worthless, a burden and a shame. Perhaps not consciously, perhaps she doesn’t blame him for it, but she has laid it on his shoulders anyway. He has such a clear vision of the way he is seen, and he seems so willing to accept what he is, but clearly his mother can’t. The way they keep asking ‘is this what you want?’ and then assuming the answer will be yes, says so much. This isn’t about what he wants. It’s about what they want, and they are projecting those wants onto him.

He was prodded, pinched, and stretched, examined from every angle, as if the word “Squib” could be found tattooed somewhere on his body, written somewhere in his blood. There are so many little gems of writing within this story that I found myself trying to quote the entire thing. This, of course, being one of them. It, like so many other lines, says so much in such a succinct manner. There is nothing I respect more than an author who can write without wasting words—you have earned that respect with this story.

He was asked to look at pictures that were meant to make me feel emotions. When I found this, I actually popped into the chat to shout triumphantly “I found a mistake!” because I hadn’t found any yet. I think you’ll want to replace “me” with “him.”

He bent over on cracking, aging knees and peered up at Sam through straggling, thinning hair, with a slow, a smile plastered across his face that he reserved for either the seriously ill or very small children. This sentence is another gem of characterization, but it also has an error. “A slow, a smile” probably isn’t actually what you meant to say. However, the condescending manner of the Healer is fabulous.

Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to catch her anyway. What an interesting thing to say about want—that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what he wanted? I think that might be a bit too convoluted for my tastes—perhaps you could replace the ‘want’ in this sentence with something else? Maybe “Sam wasn’t sure it was in his best interest to catch her anyway?” although, that might be too wordy.

He only remembered her because her voice was low and cold, like the toning of a funeral bell, and was just as blank as Sam felt, himself. At that moment, she had seemed an accurate representative for the entire hospital. When I write reviews, I copy and paste bits of the story with little notes to remind myself what I meant. This bit had the note “another gem” next to it, and I think that sums it up perfectly.

There was the sound of the Healer rummaging. There was a metallic glint of something long and thin, like the barrel of a tiny gun. And then there was the little rifle, pointed directly at his skin, about to pierce his flesh. The description here is astounding. However, I am concerned that it might be a little bit too muggle, unless he has taken some sort of a muggle course.

The ending, where he tries to atone for the trouble he’s caused by thanking them, is heartbreaking. Here he is giving up on his own wants—or the hints of them—to once again cater to the wants of others. Somebody needs to give this boy a chance at his own personality; here he is giving the hospital staff what they desire by thanking them, as if he is truly grateful for being indirectly insulted and treated so condescendingly. And yet, clearly he isn’t.

Mala—to pull myself away from the story and back to the author for a moment—I truly admire this story. You’ve written a dark story without drowning the reader in angst, taken a completely new spin on Harry Potter, and written it all with such succinctly beautiful phrasing. Be proud of yourself.

Author's Response: I\'ve read over this review so many times, and I was shocked to suddenly look at it and realize that I never actually responded to it. Mask--I love you, I truly do. Thank you so much for everything, it means the world to me that you liked my story, and I appreciate every bit of concrit that you gave me--you\'re entirely right, on every point. Particularly on the bit about the rifle. I hadn\'t picked up on that at all, and right when I read it, I had \"D\'oh!\" moment, because I can\'t believe I looked over something so obvious. But goodness...I just want to stare at this review for the rest of the day. For the sheer, in-depth comprehension of it. I don\'t even know whether I actually want to adress any of it, or just admire it for being so great, and for making me so happy.

Essentially, the whole thing can be summed up pretty quickly: You\'re the best, and thank you. :)

I can’t help it. I’ve read this story twice now, and both times I burst out laughing when I got to the ending. It’s a good little story anyway, but the ending just ties it into canon so perfectly. And it’s so funny. I love stories that make me stop and reconsider something that happened in canon, and this totally did that. I’ll never hear ‘Weasley is our King’ without laughing again.

Actually, there are many little tidbits of goodness. Draco’s POV is very interesting, because he places emphasis on the strangest things. The Hexing of Hermione was ‘a Potions class,’ and Fred and George are Ron’s ‘terrifying brothers.’ It’s easy to see that you really were inside Draco’s head as you wrote, when you throw in such small details that are still perfect.

The dialog was entirely too amusing. “As I’m the ‘wrong sort,’ and you’re the awful sort, is that really so surprising?” “She’s right. The correct answer was, ‘Who’s Hermione?’” “Oh. Sorry.” Those are just two examples, but I couldn’t resist quoting them.

There’s a lot of character development happening, generally done very well. Ron’s gradual acceptance is shown very subtly, and Draco did a wonderful job winning him over. Even in the beginning Ron seems willing to think about why they hate each other so much, and by the ending he’s admitting that a lot of his hatred was an act, or habit. I like that, because I think a lot of their animosity really is inherited, and there’s no reason they couldn’t let it go. It’s believable that he was questioning a lot of things during that time when he wasn’t speaking to Harry, and you’ve made good use of that window of opportunity.

As a foray into the scary world of rairpairs, this is very nice. As a fluffy, funny little story for a snowy afternoon, it’s one of my favorites.

Author's Response: Thanks, Mask! I'd had this mental picture when rita_skeeter put this up for review tag and the counts went up for two weeks with no response: Ravenclaws clicking on the story, then departing hastily, shaking and white-haired. It rather amused me, actually, but having written a favorite of yours is far better.

And now I have another bunny, too. Hmm, where to cage the little sucker...

I have to admit, when I read the summary of this chapter I wasn’t excited about it. I just don’t like Ron, at all, ever. But this chapter wasn’t about Ron - it was about the War, about Greyback, and Lupin, and the poor little girl who got away. And it left me stunned. That girl’s story did what the descriptions of a dead town didn’t, and really shocked me.

I was thinking that she took it too calmly, but then I realized that she didn’t understand it. She doesn’t know what the magic was, doesn’t know what happened to her brothers and her friends. The poor, poor little thing. I feel so much sympathy for her, at the same time as I wonder what will happen to her. She worked wonderfully as a writing device here, as well.

I expected angst in this chapter, but this girl’s story was so simple that it left me shocked instead.

Everything really fell into place in this chapter. Before there were three stories: Harry’s, Lanette’s, and Ron and Hermione’s. During this chapter - perhaps by moving from one to the other so quickly - you really tied them all together. I could feel fate pulling at them all, and it made me think of Devil’s Snare, which made me think of the Tapestry, which in turn makes me wonder how much has been set up by the Founders, and how much by the Council.

I think I sense a bit of a power struggle there. The Tapestry won’t reveal it’s secrets to the Council… that’s an interesting development. I wonder what it was the Founder’s had that made the Council agree to help them, and how far the Council is bound to remain helpful. I’m sensing bad things ahead for Lanette; somehow, I don’t think it’s going to be a pleasant experience when the Council catches up to her.

You mentioned a clue. I’ve read this chapter twice now, and I still don’t think I see it. Well, I see lots of clues, but I don’t think I’m seeing ‘The Clue.’ Maybe I’m looking too hard, maybe ‘The Clue’ is pointing somewhere that I don’t want to see, or maybe there’s some obscure canon fact that’s slipping my mind. Or, it could be that I’ve lost my mind. Why is ‘elf-made wine’ ringing a bell? Why do I think Dumbledore gave some to Fudge? Why am I sounding like Bridget with my conspiracy theories?

*goes insane* In any event, this was one of the best chapters yet. And you know, I rather like this Council; just because they don’t get along with the majority of the Wizarding world doesn’t mean they aren’t good people. And (why is there always something else popping into my mind) maybe I’m being crazy, but I rather suspect Harry will prove harder to trick than the Council seems to believe.

It’s not fair!!! You want me to stop and review, when I’m absolutely dying to find out what happens next. Hermione, Ron, Harry… so many questions. Your cliffhangers are evil. You know that, right? You’re going to kill all your loyal readers with them, and then there will be nobody left to review for you.

Getting over my angst… wow. So many complexities. I love the inherent bitterness in Lanette, and the way the first Lanette treasures the… well, treasure. You’ve set up some very real flaws in these characters who would otherwise be extremely Mary-Sue. I want to know what happens. I want to know how Lanette connects to Harry. I want my cookie for guessing who made the tapestry. I want to know about the founders.

Speaking of which, it’s wonderful that Ravenclaw invented the Time-Turner, and that she did it out of obsession. For some reason that seems extremely ominous, as though it shouldn’t have been made, and, now that it has been, as though it will play an important (and negative) part in the war.

Oh! I nearly forgot. I love the prejudice that Lanette shows-- so different from the way the books tell us to think. It put me off immediately and made me a bit squeamish, but I’ve always been fascinated with the way different characters view magical bloodlines. I’m very glad you’re addressing it, even if it makes me dislike your character a bit. And, I rather hope she meets Hermione. That will be an interesting confrontation.

Author's Response: Mask. You are really, really good. I'm glad you picked up on the time-Turner thing... you're right, it will play in later.

And about Lanette's prejudice... we can't very well make her perfect, can we? *giggles* But she can't exactly help it, as that's how the society she lives in thinks. In many ways she dislikes the world she lives in, but on the other hand it's the only way of thinking she's ever known. And yes, the Hermione confrontation will be fun :)