I'm back, after a good year and a half of hiatus. I'm 20 now, going to university in the UK studying Business and Chinese, and trying to get back into the fanfiction world. Expect revisions of current fics, continuations of unfinished novel-length fics, and the introduction of many, many, many of my plot bunnies. To all my old friends, I've missed you, and to all my future friends, I hope to meet you very soon.
I really like this fic. Sirius and Remus both seemed very in character (where as when I write them as a couple it always ends up with one of them sounding like a girl...o.O). Is there more?I sort of like this ending, but if there's more, by all means, update...and do it soon!
Oh, I like it! I can just imagin Veron being all like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and redfaced, and Hermione just giggling. Teehee, this is getting added to my fave list!
Oh my goodness, that was wonderful. It almost made me cry...I love it. Poor Remus...I want to give him a big hug. I love the ending though: very origional to have Remus' patronus be a Sirius-like dog. Love it!
-Evilpersonified
Author's Response: Wow thank you. That patronus thing was partly the main reason I wrote the story. It would be so great if his patronus was like sirius's animagus form. Thanx again. :)
The first thing that leaps out at me in this fic is how hopeless and defeated Hermione seems at the beginning. I particularly love the line: “ And I am alone. The power this sentence alone has is incredible. I was expecting something along the same lines as this, but for some reason it just seemed to knock the wind out of me. Hard to explain really: I think it was because it followed the list of other, more generic Hermione traits.
LoL. I love the neighbour with the attention span of a turnip. A long deceased one. It was just so funny and something Hermione really would say, just like when she told Ron he had the emotional range of a teaspoon. However, I also adore the way you have drawn attention to why Hermione reads books, and why she finds comfort in them. She was lonely, and I suppose old habits die hard. It makes sense, and answers a question I have been wondering about.
”Fate gave me brains, and then took away my once long, smooth hair. Fate gave me cleverness, and then took away my ability to socialise properly. That's right; I may be brilliant, but when it comes down to the line, I'm socially retarded.” Oh this made me sad :-(. Poor Hermione. I want to give her a hug. And she sounds so bitter too.
I think that I will have to hug you! Neville is so adorable, and no one is ever nice to him. And never considers how much nicer he is than Ron and Harry. Sorry, but I love Neville. And I love that you made Hermione value Neville too.
Her rant is beautiful, and I can really see her character coming through perfectly. She doesn’t like to see people treated unfairly, and can’t stand it. This is why she started SPEW, after all.
OMG and I love the end. Excuse the fan-girlish word. Anyway, it’s gorgeous. As I said, I LOVE Neville, and now…HOW SWEET! Oh, I have nothing to complain about. This is such a gushy review. I love it. Sorry if that doesn’t help you, but I was hoping this would be an ego-booster for you. Anyway, will fave, do love.
Oh wow that is beautiful! I *love* Snape so it’s interesting to see poetry and fics written from his P.O.V!
Author's Response: Thank you, glad you liked it!
heheehehehe...that was very funny! Ah, silly boys, jumping to conclusions...lol
I don't think I reviewed this fic already, and if I did I don't care because it is brill and deserves many reviews!
Okay....
HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA ^_____^
This fic makes me happy...and I am sick so this has cheered me up! I don't particularly like marshmellows myself, but it's funny to see Moldy-Voldy and Harry obsess. Dance against the Dark Arts...teehee...
Okay, I think you get that I love the fic! Keep up the great work! ^___^
Author's Response: I don't like marshmallows either - but they seem to be funny so.... YAY! You like my fic! Thank you!
Oooo, I like it. Although I do wonder if you will explain the wandless magic later on, as it seems not that many people can actually work it well!
I love the point of view you used, and the character seems very interesting. Some minor grammar errors, but they were like missing comma's and such, so no big deal!
Please continue,
-Evilpersonified
Author's Response: The fact is most KIDS or TEENS cant do wandless magic that well but thanks for the review!!
mmm, sexy! Sorry, but it is! I love Draco/Ron mainly because of there is a whole load of sexual tension between the two of them. I love the way your wrote it from both points of view!
I like this fic so far: interesting to see how Draco could start worrying for Hermione without turning into a sappy bloke you just want to slap. Draco will always be evil or, at the very least, a git, and I think you have portrayed his personality very well.
One minor comment on Hermione, however; I don't think she would say the word "mate", just judging from how posh she seems. Not posh in a bad way, just not a city kid. I imagine her having quite a polite English accent, unlike Ron, and she would probably say "friend" instead of "mate". Maybe it's just my English brain being overanalytical.
Beautiful job, and I look forwards to reading the next chapters...
Author's Response: Yeah, I HATE when Draco randomly turns sappy! I guess I never really thought about if Hermione would say "mate" or "friend" I just wrote the story without thinking much. lol Thank you for reviewing!
Hehe, Snape rules! I love Snape, and you didn't ruin his character! YES!
Draco was...interesting in this chapter. Not OOC, but you put a twist on his character, showing his more vunrable side. It seemed a bit sudden, him admitting that he loved her so quickly. I would imagine that he would first deny it, but that's my only concern.
Oh, little sentance problem: add a "the" to the sentance "Next day as Harry and Ron" so that it reads "The next day as Harry and Ron...".
I will comment on the other chapters as I read: I'm highly interested to see where this goes.
Author's Response: Thank ya! I was going to put "The next day" but in 1 of the HP books, I cannot remember which one, it says "Next day instead of "The next day" so I thought it would be okay to use in n HP fan fic. I think Snape is a fun character to write, so I put him in almost all of my fan fictions. Without fail though, Remus Lupin is ALWAYS in my stories. You shall see as you read on!
Ha, I told you I would review every single chapter!
Okay, comment time: The first part, the part where Snape, McGonagal, etc. got kidnapped, was a bit...sudden. I wasn't really prepared for it. You seemed to take a giant leap forward in time.
Second comment: I understand that you were trying to add drama and importance to the conversations, but the characters started sounding like they had just been transported out of a shakesperian play in some of the sentances. Just try to make it sound more natural.
All that said, I think you have a wonderful plot going, and please don't think I hate your story, because I don't. And don't think that just because I found something you could correct that I think you can't write, because you can! *goes off to read the rest of the story*
Author's Response: I love it when someone reviews every chapter! Anyway, about how they talk; I stated this in a previous review "I am aware that they talk like that. Tis proper English. You see I read a lot of old fashioned poetry and write novels that take place in olden times, so that influences my writing style quite a bit. I apologize if it annoys you. " Sorry about the suddenness, but this was my first fic, so I was not sure about how slow or fast the story should go. I was worried that if I went too slowly it would get boring. I greatly appreciatte you sharing your thoughts.
oooo, drama! I love the idea of the final battle, although I always imagnined it to be longer...go figure.
Lupin was wondefully in character! I love Lupin! And the little banter between Lupin and Snape: Loved it.
The dialogue was a little static and seemed a little forced. Try to make it flow more. The line I thought was the most static was Moody's line about the prison cells. I think it just needs a bit of rewording.
Anyway, great job on keeping the plot together, and the ending was wonderfully fluffy!
Author's Response: I like the bit between Snape and Remus as well. I can't keep the dialogue fluent in this fic because I am too lazy to rewrite it, however, I shall keep it in mind in the future. Thanks! You liked the ending? I am so pleased because I didn't!
Hehe ^___^
That was so cute! And the writting style was wonderful. Sirius and Remus really stayed in character.
Can't wait to see where this goes...
Author's Response: I'm not sure it's going anywhere, but it's reiews like yours that make me rethink my decisions! Thanks for reading.
I have made it my new project to read your entire story and review each chapter. Please don’t hate me for this…
Hehe, the letter from James made me giggle. He is so enamored with little Harry. Spot-on characterization of how I pictured James to act around Harry. Of course, I assume Lily would be equally delighted, but a little more grounded than James, which you also outlined in Remus’ letter. The whole letter scene was perfect characterization, and Sirius’ letter amused me too no end. I especially like when he writes “The dear sweet child won't shut up either. I haven't slept for nights. I might take a leaf out of Remus's book and start sleeping in hedges. because a) it’s very funny and b) it’s a very Sirius-y thing to say!
One really strange comment which isn’t really criticism but I had to point out: there are two periods in this sentence: standing ominously at the edge of the grounds, its branches creaking slightly in the warm August breeze... No, this isn’t a big deal, and maybe you’ll think I’m an insane reviewer, which I am, but I felt the need to bring it to your attention. But really, it doesn’t matter…lol.
Another nit-picking moment: “"Welcome, all of you." he said, slowly. should have a comma after you, but that’s just me being a nit-picker.
Oh my goodness, the comment from Sirius about Neville and Frank made me laugh so hard! I died x.x. The comment after concerning Harry was also amusing, but the fact that he noticed Lily was upset and worried showed his loyalty. I absolutely love the way you write Sirius, if you hadn’t noticed already!
The last sentence…it made my day! I really want to find out what happens, and so you will be getting another review on the next chapter! I love this fic and you will be receiving another 10/10 rating!!!
The characterization of Dumbledore is wonderful. The only thing I wonder about is how did he know that the child would be male? Of course, this doesn’t hurt the stories value, and perhaps I will find out later, I just wondered, ‘tis all.
The characterization and friendly banter between Remus, Sirius, and James is also perfect. James is perfectly overjoyed, Sirius is being Sirius, and Remus still can’t find a home. Also, the loyalty of Sirius to Remus is wonderful and really highlights that particular part of his personality. I could see him “sorting out” a landlord for Remus…hehe.
I absolutely love this fic. There is NOTHING I want to nit-pick out, which is unusual. Normally I complain about SOMETHING! But the characterization of them all is so wonderful!
Oo, nice. Can't wait to see where this goes. A bit of an angstier twist on the trio is always great fun, and I love Ron, so this is a great fic for me to read...^__^
Author's Response: im glad you like. my computer is broke beyond repair almost, so its gonna be a while. please keep checking in though. and thanks for the review.
Oooo, update soon please! It would take the marauders a bit of time to become friends, and I've always imagined that Remus and Peter became friends before either of them spoke to Sirius or James... Great job, although a little bit choppy in some places.
Oh, I really like it! It's different from other fics in that it doesn't focus on one of the characters from the book...but different is good! I LOVE that you didn't make her the typical "evil, mean, good-for-nothing, and not very intelligent" slytherin, because I don't think all of the slytherins are evil and mean...just not goody two-shoes...they are sort of like Gryffindors with a bit more personality! ^___^
Anyway, I love it! You portraid the character perfectly (I'm such a sucker for perfect personality discriptions)
-Evilpersonified
Author's Response: Thanks, I try.*lol* I think there's a need for a character like her. P.S. She'll be popping into my chaptered fic, I think.
Wow, wonderful. I really, really like this, much too much for my own good, I think. >.