01/21/05
I'm back, after a good year and a half of hiatus. I'm 20 now, going to university in the UK studying Business and Chinese, and trying to get back into the fanfiction world. Expect revisions of current fics, continuations of unfinished novel-length fics, and the introduction of many, many, many of my plot bunnies. To all my old friends, I've missed you, and to all my future friends, I hope to meet you very soon.
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Sins of the Father by TheVault
Rated: Professors •Summary: There was something about him that made him irresistible to her. Siobhan Murphy will go to any lengths to ascertain her deepest desires - but when the object of those desires is a married man twice her age with secrets darker than she can imagine, she will find herself caught in a scandalous liaison that she can't walk away from. Not Canon-Compliant.
Date: 09/02/05 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Dangerous Attraction
Oo, it’s that time again! The time when I attack unsuspecting authors with my reviewing. LOL. Okay, first, I want to start off with my favourite sentence in the chapter: “Since then she had become infatuated with him, addicted to the mere suggestion of him.” I love this line, it gives a real sense of longing and infatuation and, coupled with the other lines of this section, gives the meaning a final punch.
Lucius is perfectly described. Seriously. I could see him right there in front of me, letting Narcissa argue with him and then just dismissing her. Hehe, I love Lucius. *cough* Anyway, you got his character spot on in this chapter, and I can’t wait for more of him!!!
Oh, and Siobhan (whose name it took me forever to spell…>.<) is the best original character I’ve ever seen. Honestly, she is so well developed and devious, but not just the generic Slytherin. The way she lusts after Lucius is just brilliant, and you know how much I love scandalous liaisons. I will certainly, certainly, certainly be following this fic and reviewing (oh no, I hear you say) every single chapter, because I love it.
Ah, this whole review sounds so fluffy. Well, the chapter was perfect, so I have nothing to complain about. And if you want me to be nit-picky, I will say Lucius has grey eyes, not blue. BUT, all things considered, I don’t think that is such a giant problem. ~.0
Author's Response: How refreshing to see a Lucius fan review ;) Apparently people hate him. Odd, I know. Don't know where they get it from.
Thank you so much for complimenting Siobhan's character. She is pleased.
Lucius's eyes, eh? I thought they were described as pale, rather than grey like Sirius. I should check that again. Thanks for pointing it out. I also see grey eyes as blue, just waiting for sunlight to hit. But... we'll see, eh? Thanks again! :)
The Outsider by ApatheticAnomaly
Rated: •Summary: Rhian Morrigan lived the first few years of her life in happiness and peace and love with her family. Until one Christmas Eve night a stranger knocked on their door and kills her mother. Rhian was homeschooled until the year she turned 16, then she was sent to Hogwarts. On the train she meets a strange friend, who has alternate motives. Thanks to lavenderbrown_47 for helping me with my summary.
Date: 06/26/05 Title: Chapter 1: World Unknown
Wow, a fic focusing on an original character! And you characterized her marvellously too! She seems very real, and the little excerpt at the beginning was wonderful for showing her past.
Now for nit-picking! *is killed* I promise it won’t take long!!!The snow was no longer floating in the air like soft feathers, but rain was pelting the window panes with resounding thuds and pounds. is a bit too flowery and poetic. The rest of the first section is fine with the vivid descriptions, but this first part just seems a bit too much, especially since the style of the part before the comma and the style of the part after the comma are completely different.
One final minor comment: I believe Hogwarts is actually located in Scotland, not England. ^_^
OKAY! Now that that’s over, let’s get to the complimenting! YAY! First I would like to say that I simply adore what you’ve done with Rhian. She is real, not overly perfect or overly flawed. She has an unusual background, yes, but I don’t feel that this overpowers her character or makes her scream MARY-SUE. Although the sentence “though many of the guys kept looking over to her and trying to put the charm on her from afar, but she would turn away from them, and they were smart enough to take that as a sign to quit.”seemed to bother me for some reason. Perhaps it is because “guys” sounds very American, perhaps because I just don’t see anyone paying Rhian any attention. It just doesn’t sound like something that would happen to the character you have developed, especially as she is in Slytherin and Slytherins tend to find out who a person is related to before flirting with them.
Your characterization of Draco seemed to waver from complete angry Slytherin prince to nervous schoolboy. Personally, I thought he was most in-character when you described his thoughts at the very end of the chapter, but he was never horribly out of character!
Your writing style is very descriptive, which I love. However, at times some sentences don’t seem to mesh together as well as they could. This isn’t to say that your writing is horrible, quite the contrary. I loved reading this chapter, and the descriptions were carried well. The sentences seemed to jar a little sometimes, but really, it’s not that big of a deal!
Draco's Reflection by Galadriel8891
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: One-shot. Draco Malfoy has made a choice, and there is no turning back. But is it the right decision?
Date: 12/03/05 Title: Chapter 1: Draco's Reflection
Well, first let me just say that this fic was wonderful. It gave me chills at times, and my heart really went out to Draco, whom I now feel sorry for. I’m not sure whether this is a good thing or not, but it does prove your talent as a writer. Now, as per usual, I am going to start the review off with a little nit picking, then move on to better and brighter things.
In the sentence He had left Hogwarts but a few days ago, eager to fulfill, fulfill should be spelled fulfil, which is very minor, but I thought I would mention it. Another minor error, which is more about the flow of the sentence is “You will ascend quickly in the ranks, my son, if you just follow my footsteps. which I feel needs a in after my and before footsteps. I also wondered if Narcissa was a Death Eater, when you wrote that Draco wanted to follow his parents (plural) in their service for the Dark Lord. Just a question…hehe. Other than that, I actually have no more nitpicky things. Aren’t you lucky?!
Okay, now, I just have to say how much I LOVE the first section! It seems a very characteristic reaction of Lucius and Draco, and I like that they are both in character. The initiation scene was also near perfect. I say near because nothing is perfect. And this is so brilliant, exactly how I imagined the initiation to be. You seem like you have gotten inside Voldemort’s head and seen how he would making his Death Eaters loyal and prove that they were brave. The Cruciato curse is a nice touch: I really like it. I think this was possibly my favourite part of the fic.
I also liked the line A feeling of sickness washed over him. They were innocent, had had nothing at all to do with the Wizarding world. He had thought he would enjoy this sort of thing, but he did not feel any sort of thrill at all. Murder did not hold the same enjoyment that taunting someone did…He had not felt that rush of power his father had spoken of, did not feel enthusiastic about what he had just done at all. And now, for the first time ever, he saw what he truly was: a coward. I love this. It’s so emotional, and makes me feel for him. Such an epiphany must be difficult if you have just sworn your life away, and I love how you captured his emotions.
Well, that’s the end of the review, I suppose, but again, just let me say how much I really like this fic. It deserved to be one of those recognized fics, and I congratulate you.
Author's Response: Thanks. I did look over the spelling of fulfill, and it's correct as it stands according to all the sources I've checked. I might go back to edit that one line by adding "in"...yeah, it does interrupt the flow a bit. Thanks for your wonderfully thoughful review!
Date: 09/11/05 Title: None
Hello? How are you? LOL sorry, I am a little crazy today. Anyway, loved this fic. It was brilliant humour, and I applaud you for amusing me. I normally lose my temper with annoying humour fics, but this wasn’t annoying. Anyway, first for a tiny nit-picking opportunity: “Harry, have you ever wondered how it’s like?” to be completely correct, how should be replaced with what. Now that that’s over…
Oh my, I had a good little giggle at how Ron and Harry were so disgusted by the idea of someone snogging. It’s exactly the type of reaction my brother (who is 12) would give, so I applaud you for hitting the reaction of 11-12 year-old boys right on the head! My favourite line is definitely “I mean, it can’t be that gross, right? My older brother, Bill, always said that he enjoyed kissing girls. I even heard him say that,” Ron squished up his face in disgust before continuing, “-that he used his tongue once. Can you believe that? He actually stuck his tongue into another person’s mouth!” because it’s just perfectly hilarious. I had an image of Ron as Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) making a very, very disgusted face (if you don’t know what I’m on about, please ignore…lol).
Oh my for a second time! Fred and George! *squeee* I LOVE them. They are so hilariously funny and then they went off on a rant…*tear of laughter*. Oh, it was brilliance. Oh, and Percy? Porridge? Teehee, that’s funny. You have the characters perfectly in character, and the humour is spot on brilliance as well? I will be checking for updates, I hope you know!
Keep on writing, or I will come and find you. LOL.
Date: 04/18/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Veil
First of all, let me applaud you for writing on such an obscure subject. While the veil is important, I don't think too many people choose to write poems about it as it is merely a veil (or curtain) despite having killed our beloved Sirius. *morns*
What I really like about this piece is the adjective beginning each sentence. They could stand alone as a list, and would perfectly describe the veil. Additionally, I love the dichotomy you represent with your first line "aged but sailing strong". I also enjoyed the contrast between "separating" and "ripping" especially with them being so close together. Coupled with the line about it's grace, It just adds the idea that the most harmless objects often do the most damage.
I do have one suggestion, however. "Cutting through the air" sounds a bit clunky to me. Perhaps taking out "the" would sound better, and personify the air, demonstrating the harm the veil causes.
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. You expressed so much with so few words, a difficult feat, and an essential talent for a poet.
An Exercise in Pointlessness by lunafish
Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Summary: Snape has some unfinished business with Dumbledore.
Submitted by lunafish of Ravenclaw in response to the extra credit challenge "Letters to Heaven." Posted before DH.
Date: 12/07/05 Title: Chapter 1: An Epistle to Dumbledore
Hello there. Let me just say, first of all, that this was wonderful. I am officially in love with Severus Snape…not that I didn’t like him before but you made him even more fanciable. *cough* NOW! On with the review!!!
One thing he did miss was his books. Having always been a studious man, he really didn’t know what to do with these hours of waiting. He had no urge to sleep or to compose any last words of contrition (as they'd probably hoped he would when they'd left the writing materials), but the time weighed heavily upon him. OOO, I love this paragraph. It’s so Snape. And I feel sorry for him, because I can imagine him being very attached to his books. Kind of like Hermione, but a little less annoying.
Now, I know this is the main point of the fic, but I think the letter is marvellous. You captured the voice and vocabulary of everyone’s favourite potion’s master perfectly; it was almost as if J.K Rowling had written it herself. Or perhaps that Snape had come to life from the pages of her books, invaded your mind, and took over for this section of the story. It seems perfect, even though technically there is no such thing as perfection. Anyway, I like it. I should not have rambled for so long…
But I continue rambling all the same. You did not brand me as a sign of ownership, but you ruled my life just the same. That sentence is my favourite. It just about describes Dumbledore’s relationship with Snape perfectly, and makes me want to squee for angstyness. (Did that make sense? Possibly not)
Hopefully, I did make some small difference without scarring them all for life. Is another line I adore. I think it’s so dry and witty that it just suits Snape perfectly, without being contrived. Kudos to you: I cannot write from Snape’s point of view.
No complaints. NONE. I never do this. Well, I do sometimes but not often. And, also, I love Snape dearly now. Even more dearly than I did before. 10/10 for you. ^^
Author's Response: Another convert to the cause (though it looks like you were already on Snape's side)! Yay! All us Snape fans sure have had a lot to mull over after book 6, haven't we?
"...I feel sorry for him, because I can imagine him being very attached to his books. Kind of like Hermione, but a little less annoying."
Yes, I was thinking how desolate I'd feel without my books for even a little while, so I can only imagine what it would be like for him!
"You captured the voice and vocabulary of everyone’s favourite potion’s master perfectly; it was almost as if J.K Rowling had written it herself. Or perhaps that Snape had come to life from the pages of her books, invaded your mind, and took over for this section of the story."
I'm glad you think I've succeeded with Snape's "voice"; he's a fun character to write because he does seem to have such a distinct voice of his own. Maybe that's why he's such a popular subject in fandom. (Thank you, JKR, for that!) And I'd definitely hate to see him pop out of the books and come after me if I got it wrong! *shudders at the idea of Snape possession* LOL! But seriously, I also appreciate your understanding what I was trying to say about his relationship with DD. I don't want to offend any DD fans, but his influence over Snape can't be entirely pleasant even if/when Snape is on the good side.
Thanks so much for reviewing!
Date: 12/08/05 Title: None
Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow. This is a beautiful, beautiful portrait of Bellatrix. It drew my in and kept my attention: Kept making me want to know more about her, and the mysterious lover she had. *grumbles about not knowing his name*
Now, a little nit-picky stuff first:How could I have known that she would prove herself to be right? could maybe be changed toshe would prove herself right, just because I feel like something is slightly off. Same with I finally break one night. You might want to put breakdown in instead of break. Just a suggestion.
Okay, now on to my favourite part. Hehe… We’re in the corridor, kissing in the dark, and I am not able to close my eyes because I’m afraid she will disappear. Something about her is frightening, she is unstable, she is cool and uncaring, and yet, now, she is pulling me against her in a way that screams “You are mine,” and her lips capture mine over and over again, her eyes closed and for a moment, a sense of desperation, but then she is in control again. Her tongue meets mine, and I relinquish all control, losing myself in her scent, her touch, those lips. She moves my hands to the places she wants me to touch, and I almost pass out when she maneuvers them to cup her from behind, and she wraps her legs around me. We hear footsteps, and hastily whisper our goodbyes, but we know we will be back there the next night, or the next. This section is just…wow. It’s so passionate and very Bellatrix-ish. There is, however, just one spelling error, being that manoeuvres is spelt how I just spelt it, not maneuvers. Anyway, very minor.
Well, that’s that done. I enjoyed this fic very much, and, you say it’s your first time writing fanfiction, I must say I am impressed. Great job and good luck with your future writing.
Belonging to Bellatrix by Fantasium
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: “Behind every great man stands a great woman.” But what happens when the roles change? What is life like to a man who must live in the shadow of his wife? A wife who is neither great nor good, but wicked and cruel, and who only exists to serve her master… One-shot, written pre-HBP.
Date: 01/23/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot
The description of the house he is in is wonderful. I quite adore the paradoxical nature of the place, especially as it seems pleasant and appealing at first glace, but is really rather unpleasant and uncomfortable once you see it properly. Could it be a parallel to the life of a Death Eater? We shall see if my inhaler has sent me ‘round the twist or if there is something to that assumption ^_0.
I noticed quite a few errors while reading the fic, mainly little insignificant comma and semi-colon/colon errors. Punctuation errors, in other words (goodness, I am tired; it took me half an age to think of the right word…*dies*). While they don’t take away from the reading pleasure of the story (as your diction is close to perfect) they did catch my eye and I thought you would appreciate knowing about them. I won’t go into my big grammar-Nazi rant though; you will be spared from that annoyingness, for now. ^__^
Bellatrix is love. She is perfect! Just how I imagined her; the madness is not only in her mind but in her looks as well. It’s squeee-worthy, but maybe that’s because I am a Bellatrix fangirl *headdesk*. She’s so mean to him…its brilliant! (ah, poor Rodolphus. But no one can take on Bella *waves flag*) And my favourite line describing Bellatrix would have to be “He who had, as she had so carefully put it, ‘at least shown enough will to get himself killed’. It’s just such an insult to poor Rodolphus. I also like how Bellatrix (*has slight obsession*) sort of teamed up with Voldemort to make his life a living hell. It seems very realistic of Bellatrix, who is very dedicated to her master, and Voldemort, who is just sadistic. It’s quite obvious that their relationship isn’t love, but something else that just helps them both annoy Rodolphus.
ZOMG I love the ending. It’s so emotional and very, very sad. I actually felt sorry for Rodolphus. Really sorry for him, actually. I don’t even know why, but the fact that Voldemort is sleeping around with his wife and then brought him the knife that would kill him is oh-so-ironic and just a kick in the teeth. Perfectly in-character and certainly one of my favourite aspects of the story. Great job, and a new fave for me, methinks.
Eternal Glory is for Suckers by Seren
Rated: •Summary: Once upon a time, there was a boy. Now, this might not surprise you, because there have been many boys in the world, all of whom started their lives at 'once upon a time.' However, this boy happened to be very special. One day, this skinny lad received a letter, which he was not allowed to keep. You, however, know all this, and I will not attempt to lump together seven years of events in a few paragraphs. For now, we shall start from a new 'once upon a time', a time where everything finally seemed to be returning to normal after years of chaos and mayhem. It all started one beautiful October afternoon; Harry Potter was sitting on the porch of Hermione Krum's house, having a cup of tea, when a letter arrived. Harry/Susan, Ron/Draco, Viktor/Hermione, Luna/Kingsley, Neville/Padma.
Date: 02/08/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
I have to admit, I only opened up this fic and decided to give it a go because a) you’re writing is generally of a high standard, and I needed something to cheer me up, and b) there was mention of Ron/Draco. Of course, I did begin reading this in the middle of maths class, so perhaps the inherent boredom of precalc comes into it as well. At any rate, I opened it, and I have to say I am glad I did, whatever the reason.
I laughed out loud at your paragraph about how Harry was a special boy. And I greatly appreciate the humour, because it’s said in the way you would report something to someone who didn’t know who Harry Potter was…and I just really like it, for some reason. *shrugs* I also rather like With one swish of a pink umbrella and a psychologically scarred cousin behind him, young Harry Potter started off on the adventure of a lifetime., because it just about sums up how Harry did get to Hogwarts. And, of course, it’s hilarious.
Goodness, the list of things they learned at Hogwarts is quite a laugh. I can see Ron starting it out as a joke, and Harry suddenly deciding that it’s actually very serious business and true. Not sure if that was what you were thinking, but the idea of Harry, Ron, and Hermione coming up with that list is almost as funny as the list itself. Quite a good talent you have there, making what you haven’t actually said, but merely implied, funny! ^__^
Och, this is turning into a gushing review. I’m sorry, but I really do like it. It’s funny, well written, and told in a semi-serious tone as opposed to a lot of the humour fictions out there that make the writer sound like he or she is on crack. All in all, a wonderful introduction to which I’m sure will be a hilarious story!
I made no complaints. I am ashamed of myself. Funnily enough, whenever I review anything of yours I don’t complain. *ponders this thought*
Euthanasia by evanescence17
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: It seemed that the young schoolboy with striking blonde hair had aged over thirty years in just a few hours. His silver hair was beyond recognition. It had turned into a strange murky brown, maybe due to the grime and blood. Who am I? This is not me. I've become a ghost with no hope of life. Merlin! Why couldn't things be the way they were before...
This is my version of what happens after the HBP. Also, this is my first FF, so please R/R!
Date: 06/07/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
First of all, I quite like the premis. Seeing what happens after Draco disobeyed Voldemort--or forced Snape to kill Dumbledore--has made the wait for the 7th book a little bit less painful. :)
I do have a few little critisms though, if you don't mind! ^^ First of all, some of your sentences don't really flow together very well, which makes your writing jarring and really disrupts the readers attention. The second thing is that describing Voldemort as the most evil wizard ever is a little bit...anticlimactic, hehe, if you know what I mean. I guess it just sounds sort of like a five year old talking about their most evil teacher ever. But I degress.
Now, for things I really liked: Draco was quite in character. I liked his conflict between asking for help from Harry and keeping a stiff upper lip, Malfoy style. And as morbid as it sounds, I quite liked that his parents were killed. Seemed like something Voldemort would do. Oh, and of course I like the end. hehe Very in character for Voldemort. I also liked how Bellatrix showed emotion for Draco. This isn't generally how I write Bellatrix (in my fics she's always very disturbed...>.>) but yeah, I liked that dimention of her.
This concludes this review. I hoped I was helpful, and I will be reading some more of your stuff quite soon I think.
Author's Response: THanks a lot for this review. Nothing helps a budding writer more than constructive critisism. This is my first FF, so i guess the writing is not that refined. But you can look forward to better stuff from me in the future.
Thanks for taking the time to read it and, yes, you helped : )
The Raconteur by The Half Blood Prince
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Sirius has always wondered what fear really is like. Told in second person, this is a non-rhyming poem exploring Sirius's feelings of fear.
QSQ Poetry Award Winner.
Date: 06/28/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Oh wonderful! Well, you know I love it already, but oh! It's just so expressive, so powerful...*sigh* I wish I could write like this.
I particularly love the words in bracets. Not only do they work with the poem to give it an undercurrent, they make their own poem. String them together and you have another gorgeous piece of poetry. Brilliant.
And I love the last two lines...This rancid, acid breathing (its)-on you (fear-). EEEEEEE just so....chilling. Can completly feel this. Gorgeous.
One minor crit: Is the one in one in speech meant to be once? Just wondering ;)
Again, great job! Wonderful, wonderful poetry. WRITE MORE. hehe
-Hannah-
Author's Response: Now I am severely happy you cannot see the colour my cheeks have become. (Although you may know already, no?)
Interesting notion about the words within the parentheses; while I did use them to create a certain after-effect (and an undercurrent) of lingering, I didn\'t even think about them making their own poem. But when I read the poem over again, I actually noticed. =)
And I\'m glad you liked the last two lines - they were the ones I struggled with the most, because I just didn\'t manage to get them right. I think that last stanza in particular has undergone around ten revisions. And so it means a lot to me to know that my work paid of in the end.
But Hanna, thank you, thank you, thank you; you\'re amazing (and you know it). And you give so nice reviews, as well. =)