Very good start! I really like this story.

~Lindsey :)

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Lindsey. Its great to see that your still around.

I love the title, Abigail. This story was very different, very unique.

I love the way the story was started. How Fleur recounts her past, leading up to Bill, eventually to the present where she is married to him and has had Victoire. By the way, I really love how she got her name--- very memorable. It just shows how great the final battle was to their world.

And Philippe? What a little snot! A great friend, he is. And it seems that I was the only one who thought the romance was in the past, for he kissed me. I know that they were old friends, and since they had been catching up he had naturally known she was married. Or had she declined to mention that detail? Probably not.

I saw a flash of red hair in the light of the streetlamps. Bill. He'd seen. How did Bill know where to find her? How had he known that she would be in exactly that place, as if he were expecting her to do such a thing? It just strikes me as odd as how he could be in the worst possible place at the worst possibly moment.

I'd also just kissed another man.

and

Nobody had seen him. I really like these sentences. They're solitary, alone, and so in-your-face. They remind us how deep the situation really is. Good work.

I Flooed every member of the family — George and Ron's apartment above Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes — Percy and Penelope's house in Yorkshire — Harry and Ginny's apartment in Holyhead — Charlie's cabin in Romania — even Bill's great-aunt Muriel, whom I despised. I really like how you've incorporated the entire Weasley family, and everyone who lives together seems in accordance to what JKR said happened to the characters after Deathly Hallows. But something about George living with Ron, even after all these years, stuck out as odd to me. I thought that, especially after the kiss in the final book, that Ron and Hermione were going to get together. It always felt to me that R and H would get married before Ginny and Harry, or at least around the same time, and at least by the time Fleur would be twenty-four, three years after the Final Battle.

I really love the ending. Bill's return home is very sweet, and it just shows how great their love is. Very nice work.

~Lindsey :)

Too cute, Shanae! I really enjoyed this story. And I liked how you made up a holiday for Wizards and Witches that us normal people don't have--- a day celebrating the demise of the Dark Lord; that's pretty creative.

“Wicked!” said the twins as they looked at each other and started digging around inside the giant pumpkin. Ha ha, Fred and George, still as sneaky as ever. This part was priceless.

“Oh, lovely!” Arthur exclaimed. “I have always wanted to meet them.” Of course--- Only Arthur would have always wished to meet policemen. Maybe not the kind of people he really thinks they are. I love this!

Somehow, in some sort of coordinated maneuver, the planning of which Arthur had completely missed, George sliced Fred’s arm, and Fred stuck his now bleeding arm in Percy's face, trying to force Percy to "drink it like a real vampire!"


"George! Fred! That's enough! Oh, you two! Percy, stop that, it wasn't that bad.”


Ron, who didn’t know any better, added his two-year-old tantrum to the mix. Really! That's what he gets for taking out the twins dressed in mythical costumes, no less bring four more along with them to boot! Lucky Molly wasn't there or she would have freaked. This had me rolling. I really like your style of humor.

That evening, Arthur decided the one thing missing from his newly finished broom shed was better insulation. Aw, poor Arthur! Poor man was only trying to have some fun. I like how ended the story like this--- it was a very intriguing way to conclude such a funny piece of writing. I really liked this story a lot. It was a great laugh.

I really didn't find anything to criticize--- you've got a great mind, thinking up these things, but it makes it even greater when you can edit things so well.

I love this little bit--- I actually didn't know this:

As a note, British Muggles don’t trick-or-treat. :)

Really nice work! I hope to see more humor stories from you! And I love your ideas!

~Lindsey :)

Chris! This was such a brilliant story! The way you took the prompts and twisted and molded them into your own creation, writing what George would see and do, definitely shows your individuality. No other Gauntlet story is quite like this, my friend, and I've read nearly all of them.

I love your description through all of this. From your description of a sunset [as the sun tickled at the foot of darkness that belonged to the night. Dawn crawled up from the earth to start a new day as unconsciousness descended upon George.] to how you portrayed your characters [who were all completely in character, I might add, even Percy!, who is quite hard to get quite right].

But sadness and heartache soon descended as he remembered that his twin brother had died at Hogwarts during the final battle against Voldemort. The world swirled more quickly around him from sitting up so fast and nausea threatened to bring up his last meal…although what that was George could not remember.

I'm actually re-reading Deathly Hallows and have actually just passed the part where his twin does perish in the war. It makes me sick, too. I can only just imagine George's pain as he reflects on his relationship with his brother. When you remember a loss, all of the happy memories just well up inside of you and that only makes you sadder on how you can't create any more of them. Great job on portraying this.

Together he and Aria helped heal each other’s pain, both having lost their twin in the war against Voldemort.

I do wish that you had enlightened us more on the relationship between Aria and Fred. *wiggles eyebrows* I would have loved to have seen some flashbacks and moments of the two together, reflecting and comparing their losses, comforting one another.

Spring awakened them to bring out their beauty for all to see. The other led into a dark forest, that seemed to call out to him, representing all the pain and torment his soul had been going through in recent weeks.

Ooh, how I love your personification and symbolism, Chris! Your words are just so beautiful, and you've sprinkled them all throughout your story.

Numbness threatened to reach out and take away what feelings George had left. George felt more alone than ever, lost in life without his brother’s bright smile to keep him going. A tear escaped out of the corner of his eye. He felt it trickle down to his chin and roughly brushed it away.

I think that you meant to add a 'he' before 'roughly brushed it away', here at the end. And I can just see Fred's catching grin captured in George's mind. Good work with this.

“Assassins! I can help protect her if you like. Let her stay here until you finish your business at the inn. I promise I’ll keep her safe,” Julian said.

“Do you want to stay Rose? I’ll be back as quickly as I can, although it is getting late. I was thinking the inn would be a good place to stay the night.”

I am a bit curious, though, as to how George trusts Julian, this man that he has just met, so quickly. He is going to allow her [and himself] to remain in the hands of what could be a Death Eater for all he knows, with a good lot of them lurking about in the wrong time period. I would think that he would have been a bit more cautious toward this.

"Rose, I think I need to find more, ah, time appropriate clothes."

Chris, I love how you've portrayed George. You've kept him as we all know him to be, a jokester in some parts of your story, burdened with the loss of his dearest brother in others, and serious and concerned for his mission and the two people he needs to keep vigil over. His quirky yet solemn characterization is well portrayed throughout your entire story, something hard to do at a story this length and at such strict prompts. Great, great work.

“Well, late at night she often is sent by her mother to fetch her father home from the bar. He likes his drinks and goes to the tavern most nights. He is usually in no condition to get himself home again by the end of the night.

I adore how you've created this intelligent piece to put in on how to find young Rose. Julian explains this just like any other person, I think. But I do love your reasoning on how they would be able to meet her--- off to retrieve her father, brilliant.

If He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or Harry aren’t born, then the war will be prevented, and Fred won’t be killed trying to protect Hogwarts! Help me, George!”

I just love Percy Weasley. The way he is trying to rid himself of the guilt of Fred dying is just heartbreaking, though his intentions to kill two others three hundred years before for one person that he holds dear is rather . . . pitiful and distressing, I think. It is good how he is trying to redeem himself though. I like this twist you have here.

George was rushing at him and Thorfinn, flinging three sprinkles of the dust at each of them. The two Death Eaters disappeared and George tripped forward, dropping the remaining powder onto the ground and landing in a heap right on top of his satchel.

George sat in the dust a minute.

I am, though, a bit confused here. If George was just able to quickly fling the dust at the Death Eaters and they disappear back to their home land and time, then how come when George lands in the dust he is not immediately transported back, even if there isn't enough dust to take him all the way home? The dust wouldn't think about this, wouldn't it just go ahead and take him on home?

the organization I represent that fights evil in my time,” George answered

I think that you forgot a period here.

George cringed under the heavy eyed barkeeps stare.

I think that you need to have a hyphen between 'heavy' and 'eyed' and an apostrophe after 'barkeeps' in this sentence.

I just loved Julian and Rose Potter! They are both amazing Original Characters to own, dear, and the way that they are woven into the story and their romance blossoms is very well written.

The hastily written note that Julian writes to George was a very good ending. My heart nearly stopped when I read that Rose wasn't able to create any more powder, but after reading that he himself had created some of those Time Turners my heart when out to him. They were both very good people and the way they kept their promise a hundred years later, tying in the barkeeper and the message George had to tell him tied the story together perfectly.

Between the huge Percy twist and your great storytelling, this story was an amazing one, Chris, and I think your best yet, though you do have quite a few to choose from. Keep up the great work, and good luck in this challenge.

~Lindsey :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the awesome and thorough review! I greatly appreciate the input. I have noticed my writing improving and I hope to keep working on it. As a note, Aria\'s story is a work in progress that I just haven\'t had time to totally piece together. I\'m working on it...if I can just find time to do it! I\'ll work George into it at the end...and maybe expand more on their times together. As a twin I just imagine how I would feel if something happened to my sister and go from there. My imagination is almost as good as it was when I rode around on my imaginary ponies when I was a child. Reading helps keep it that way! Thanks again for the amazing review!

Author's Response: P.S. Thanks for being my Beta, and getting this back to me in a very timely manner!! :) :) 8)