Hello, you've reached a very long ago abandoned username. I still don't know why I haven't deleted this. Maybe I'm just lazy?
Anyway, I post under the name Aequitas. That's it, really.
If you visited here because you wanted to see A Secret Needed to be Shared or Ad Astra Per Aspera, you're about 3.097 billion years in the past - I deleted them a long time ago. I haven't rewritten them or anything. They died. Haha.
Jan, I thought I'd review for you to let you know I'm still following this story - I'm just so eager to get to the next chapter, I don't review as often as I should. Well! I'm impressed, as always, at your excellent prose and ability to tell us this story, however imaginary it may be. The last few have been especially exciting, as things heat up between Maeve and Snape, and the prospect of getting married finally surfaces (!) and a journey to Abbeylara is undertaken. And also, it.... burns. Yeah. ;)
Firstly, I have to say that 36 chapters along, I'm not at all discouraged by the length of your chapters anymore. :D It just means more excitement now. So... the beginning of the chapter. Roderick lent a lot more comic relief than I ever thought he would - you wrote him very, very well! "Now that half of that wall has fallen there is a rather splendid view of the entrance.” Wow. I laughed long and hard at that part, and all the other parts I won't quote for you. They'd take up most of review anyway. ;) I love Roderick against my better judgment. Now that I've confirmed whose side he's actually on (lol) it made me really sad to see him sacrifice himself on account of the vapour. But I have a question: why couldn't they summon the bottles using the Accio charm? I've reread that part, and there's nothing to stop them except that Roderick had to go somehow. Procuring the bottles wouldn't have enabled Maeve to escape, and the house wouldn't have stopped her.Just a note on the spell Maeve uses about a third into the chapter (no, I'm NOT counting paragraphs) (:P), it's "Alohomora." I believe you got mixed up a bit at that part. It's more noticeable because it stands alone as a paragraph, so I thought I'd point that out.
I really liked how you brought Harry back into the main plotline of the story, because he seemed to disappear in the shadow of Snape/Maeve. It wasn't too sudden, and his part is well played. His importance in this fiction has been brought out nicely. This is a bit too late, but I did like the scene between Harry and Snape, so reminiscent of the meeting in the Goblet of Fire, when Snape was absolutely intolerable of "Potter's" excuses.One part I was confused at was the part when the harp was thrown out of the house. You may need to make it clearer that the bottles sailed out first, followed by the harp. I had to read that part again to make sure I understood the sequence of events.
Harry? Best man? *mind still reels from news* That was certainly a shock! Excellent part --> Remus spluttered into his tea, sending milky droplets flying into the air. He quickly recovered himself and watched as Severus shot out of his chair in horror at the prospect of Harry being his best anything. Goodness, I laughed a lot over that one too. Nice one. But it does make sense, in a way. Maeve is their go-between, the one we know will be the stronger connection.And you've outdone yourself with your explanation about the necklace and Abbeylara. I too was wondering where Neville was all this time, as I can definitely remember the chapter in which her true father appeared and told Maeve about her destiny and parentage. It all suddenly made perfect sense. That's the way I feel now. And the irony is almost overpowering - both that Harry still has the necklace, unknown to everyone but him, and that Maeve is but a pawn (if not a queen, LOL) in the game that the gods play, and that she was created only because of Voldemort. And just who could that mysterious person be? I guess I'll have to continue reading to find out! Don't worry, I most definitely will, and a great job on this chapter especially. Looking forward to more reading!
*blink* Um, wow. And Jan takes the trophy for longest chapter ever posted on MNFF! LOL. It was long, but it wasn't boring at all - I never stopped reading until I got the end. (Accomplishment, eh? ;) ) I knew it was going to get to this point eventually - Maeve and Snape marrying! Yay!
First scene between Harry and Snape: very nice. Both were in character, but their emotions were obviously heightened to fit the situation. And later, the walking to the chapel was perfect; I couldn't believe how you got to the conclusion so well. It played out just the way I didn't imagine it - you surprised me there! But I'm not saying it wasn't believable, just had an unexpected twist.Ah, the chapel. The description just made me sigh to think of nature overrunning the place and making it perfect. (Well, nature helped by magic, but oh well.) The outdoors brought in fit Maeve, and I suppose Snape too, since now they're "one soul." There will be sacrifices along the way of marriage, to be sure. And I liked the PoV from Neville. He still fears Snape, but not that day. *grin* LOL... "Oh no! I have to sing? Those Muggle customs..." ;)
Finn really did make me laugh. I was sort of confused at the beginning, which just made it better, when I realised that the guy wasn't actually senile... at least, completely senile, haha. Felicia is introduced a bit late, don't you think? Maybe it's just foreshadowing for your sequel. Lupin seemed a bit too friendly. Wouldn't he at least be wary of the bubbly, laughing girl? It's almost as if they know each other from before.Wow. Remus broke my heart with the conflict from Maeve... then having him hand her over! True, they will stay brother and sister now, but I can't help feeling sorry that it's not Maeve who is his... soul mate, true love, whatever the correct term is. Hopefully Felicia comes up more, then! (Psst... that's a nudge. Include her! If you haven't already, that is.)
Great, now I'm going out of order. But it's so sudden to see Hermione as the maiden of honor (it's what it sounds like), and Fred and George as ushers. Can we see anything from Maeve's point of view? I know there's justification, just include it. It's an odd mental image to see the twins as ushers, and even Hermione a bridesmaid, at that age. Maeve doesn't have much of a choice, but I'd like to see more of her.So they finally ended up together. So sad to see this story come (almost) to an end, but you'd better write that sequel! Post Epilogue III and I'll be happy, at least. Yay, Jan! Your story is a true epic and beautiful from start to finish. I really enjoyed reading through it.
Author's Response: Thanks for another super-long review, Caren. :-) Remus and Felicia. Do you think it was sudden? I know Remus is fairly thoughtful but I've never seen him as being a total wallflower. When he meets Felicia he just sees her as a nice person with a bit of a spark about her. I don't think Remus could articulate any other feelings he might have felt, he's too preoccupied with Maeve and the wedding to spot one of supid's arrows, even when it scores a direct hit! At this moment in time I'm not sure how big a part she will play in the sequel, but she wil be there. Will she be with Remus? You'll have to wait and see what the fates have in store! :-)
I agree with you to a degree about Hermione being the bridesmaid but Maeve wasn't the one to ask her. Maeve became a member of SPEW and it's concievable that she then went on to spend a bit more time with hermione because of this. That would have been noted when the plans were made. And, as you said, Maeve doesn't really have a lot of options, does she? Poor friendless girl! LOL
Initially, when I was planning the wedding, I thought about a woodland scene and then I realised that Severus would hate it, really hate it, so we went for the idea of a Muggle wedding being en vogue and the chapel emerged, with its natural adornments. I thought it managed the best of both worlds.
I've been reading through your story, and it's taken me a couple of days, considering I only have time to read a few chapters a day. It is amazing. I don't think I can write 6000-word chapters, but the length never bothered me - the story held me in all the way through. I love your plot line, because it shows evidence of your incredible ability as a writer. I always thought I hated Snape/OC, but I'll never hate Maeve's and Snape's relationship. Critique! Your vocabulary is excellent. I come across words I don't know - and that's good, because it shows the quality of your work. There really isn't much I can say about grammar, etc. because it's just the occasional comma and marks that must have been left over by betas. The flow and fluency of your sentences were very nice; if a sentence had five phrases, I hardly noticed, because it never got too wordy. I loved the tie-in with Alice Longbottom and the bubble gum. At first, I thought it was too trivial, but I really have to admire the way it corresponds to the plot. I love this story, keep updating! I'm not going to change the rating below, because this story deserves a 10.
I don't want to sound repetitive, but your story is high quality at the least. I liked the bubble gum recipe... I can connect to it after learning about the horrifying stuff in Jello and makeup. I especially liked the first POV from the trio. You need more of that, because the voice is so refreshing. The scene with Filch really made me laugh. JKR hardly ever describes him but I liked your description! Now the words Rampton Court have an ethereal feel to them after reading the details of the appearance. Roderick's red cloak always gave me chills - it reminds of vampires. Hopefully, he's not that much of a traitor. I'd better go read the next chapter before I burst with excitement.
Yes, an update! I was beginning to think you'd given up on your story, and that made me sad; your story's really good. The only thing I'll ever disagree about is the fact that Snape is rich and brought up better than he would have in poverty. However, Alexandra is so interesting! Keep updating, please!
Awww... it's over? *wipes away a tear* Oh well, at least there's a sequel. Excellent story! I'm waiting to read your next one.
Excellent story! Well-thought out and not like the two-chapter crap you see sometimes... anyway, I hope you update soon cuz it's great! Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you- the next chapter has been submitted, so it's just a question of whether the mods approve it or not. Cross you fingers that they do!
Yes, an update! This is a great story - don't make me wait so long to read a new chapter! :P Yeah, anyway, it was VERY well-written! A ten!
Here is a review, your Royal Highness... *sighs, oppressed under a tyrant* Nah, j/k! I really, really liked the scene between Ana and Liz. You communicated the emotions so well! "Ana! SHUT UP!" Haha, so funny... I love Liz now. And Evan is so good for Ana... you know, be really steady and stabilizing. Overall, very nice. I was so glad to see an update!
Author's Response: Lol, thank you for leaving a review!! I'm glad to hear that the scene went well...i was a bit worried about it, so thanks again.
I really loved this chapter, it was so nicely written. I'll miss Reign and Sirius, as well as Lily and James, but what I really liked is how you showed Harry mature. It's so important, and the pace was neither too fast or slow. On the whole, an excellent addition to your story.
Author's Response: Thank you. There's only going to be one more chapter after this and then, Das ist alles.
Bloody brilliant, as Ron would say. That's one of the best cliffhangers I've read (seen?) so far. The suspense is killing me... update soon!
Author's Response: I think my only skill in writing is cliffhangers :p
Truly amazing. It was the work of a professional-sounding author... what more can I say? I liked the "Morsmorde" idea - it clicks and makes sense. Even though I'm sad Arianna is gone, it allows me to dissect your story. :) It really shows that many attempts to change a fate are futile. But I bet that Peter has a very different mindset now that he has gone free, even though it was only because of another distraction. I can't wait to see what happens next - Voldemort's attack on the school, the general aftereffects on everyone, and how Harry will face the Dark Lord. Emily had better not die, though! And I really hope the Ministry will be competant. Don't we all?
Author's Response: ha! the ministry? competant? :p I doubt it! I'm really glad you're enjoying it so much still :D
Awesome story I must say...very well-written and thought-out! If it hasn't you're a genius. ;) Love your characters- they're very true and the relationships are cute. Hoping to see what's next.
Author's Response: yes, this is a long time in coming, so I'm glad you like it :)
I love this story, it's one of my very favorites. A huge cliffhanger? Where's Arianna? What will happen? Waiting for an update, post it soon!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you like it so much! Stay with me!
I read this story more often that others because I love your plot to no end. Actually, I love your many, fascinating plots full of life (and canon). (Yay!) You do a wonderful job of keeping all of your characters in check, and keeping them from freaking out into Ecstatic!Sirius and Suicidal!Remus. And Sobbing!Harry and Senile!Dumbledore. Sorry, but I'm so tired of seeing people OOC. Thanks for writing IC.
At the very beginning, the point of view was weird. Later, you italicize Sirius' thoughts. If these are Sirius' exact thoughts, then go ahead and format it so. If they're a generalization, then change the "you" to "one." For example, "It is strange how in such a short period of time, one's life could take a complete 180 degree turn..." It was also relate more to the reader. ...partially opened portrait of a dancing Centaur. In the fifth paragraph, make sure you don't capitalize "centaur." "It was such a shock, such a..." pause. Capitalize "pause." There were some more errors like that. Make sure not to capitalize "godson" and do capitalize "mum." Dumbledore walked away then, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts, his gaze still fixated out the door. Remus' gaze should be "fixed beyond the door."“Because when you stop, so will any chance you have to make it better.” That summed the chapter up very nicely. I also liked the part in the middle with James and Sirius talking about Harry. To say that Harry doesn't tell Sirius those kind of things is true. And Remus' claustrophobia linked to his werewolf "side" is a very interesting observation. Don't stop writing! I advocate your story as a good example of fanfiction, because it is! Nice job, and on to the next chapter.
The best chapter so far! It was awesome! You didn't screw it up in any way- Harry's reaction was very, very good to Pettigrew. The Arianna and Emily scenario is looking to be very interesting...
Hope to see what happens... post soon!
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! This was by far, I think, the hardest chapter to write (and I'm currently working on chapter 30) so I'm glad you liked it ^_^
What do you mean "It hadn't worked?" I'm thinking, of course it did! Very nice chapter! I spotted a couple of technical errors, but a re-read or two should clear those up. I usually never see those. The part about Dumbledore leaving only a scrap behind is so characteristic! Dumbledore is wise - it's probably that he only left the bare minimum so Snape wouldn't object to doing the task. Am I right? Where's the part about Sirius? And for that matter, 'Sirius,' 'Remus' and Emily? I've been waiting too long!
Author's Response: you are right ;) you know me, Snape and Dumbledore too well :p Yeah, there are so many different things happening that often you guys have to wait 2 or 3 chapters to figure out what's happening with someone! Awfully sorry! I update as quick as they let me :D
I liked this chapter, mainly because the scene between Voldemort and Harry was played out so well. It got a bit confusing after a while because of the many PoV's, but I was able to understand everything in the end.
Critique! This chapter seemed hastily typed, with a few technical errors and some spelling errors. One I saw was "stupify." The correct spelling is "stupefy." "Auror’s…" should be "aurors..." There were a couple misplaced and needed commas too.I really liked the way you included Gideon Prewett in the story. But he had red hair too? No wonder all of the Weasleys inherited that trait. Also, the reaction of James to Arianna's death was a bit surprising, because we hadn't seen him be close to her. They were like brother and sister, but that wasn't too clear before. "'Grey, me?' Sirius said skeptically, grabbing a piece of his hair and trying to examine it in front of his eyes."
Author's Response: Glad you're still enjoying it and thank you for the critique. Most of my chapters are hastily typed, since I don't have much time anymore to write. One day I'll have to go back and fix all the little errors, but for now they'll have to stay. Sorry :(
Jeez, you scared me for a moment there - "Their Journey Came to an End?" Great way to make me apprehensive! LOL. Yeah, we're nearing the end, which is... good, I suppose, since HBP is coming out sooner than anyone can realise. You have a talent for writing - after this, don't stop!
*whistles* How you kept all those sub-plots in your head amazes me. I couldn't ever be that organised. But you managed to tell a story from just about everyone's point of view. The pace was really good too. It got frantic toward the end, but you still managed to give us all the details in vivid imagery.The calendars and dates were clever. Repetitive to keep a theme, but not tiring and getting boring.So... Remus was a werewolf that night? That's so fitting - a full moon on Hallowe'en, and a night of insanity as he is helpless to save his friends. And kudos for including that Remus seriously thought that Sirius was the Secret-Keeper (looks like that, BTW). It's so sad that he seems the traitor, when in reality, the man looking at him with wide eyes is. Grr. I have absolutely no sympathy for Peter. It gets in the way sometimes.
One more thing: Sirius would not have been able to see the Potters' house unless Peter told him. It seems that Sirius just went into hiding after saying goodbye to James and Lily. By the "rules" of the Fidelius charm, Sirius wouldn't see the wreckage at all unless he knew. It's simple to include that; just a couple paragraphs about, perhaps, the trust of Sirius' and Peter's friendship before they all went into hiding. Of course, it'll just make readers dislike Peter more, but it's true. Sirius completely trusted Peter, as did James. Lily? Eh, I'm not sure. Depends on which way you take it.I'm sorry to see this end, but congratulations on getting it (almost!) finished. It's a work of art, it is. Fate won't ever be removed from my favorites list - I might even reread the entire thing, start to finish, when I need reassurance that there are good writers on MNFF. ;)
Author's Response: Merlin, I love reading your reviews. So long and informative of the chapter and pointing things out to me, I'm very grateful that you're still reviewing and reading :D
In answer to your question about Sirius seeing the Potter's house, I have two answers. One is that Peter did tell Sirius the location, cause he can do that and still not be in danger. Sirius could know, but since he wasn't the secret keeper, there was no way he would have been able to tell anyone else. Like in the beginning of OotP when Dumbledore writes the note for Harry to read. The others knew, but they weren't able to tell. That's how I see it with Sirius. After all, they didn't think that HE was the spy and naturally, being James' best friend and Godfather to Harry I just assume he would have been told. My other answer is that after James and Lily were killed, it was like the Fidelius charm was broken, because then how was Hagrid to see the house either, especially since it wasn't like Peter was around to tell him where James and Lily were.
Okay, anyway, that's that :p I'm so grateful for your well thought out reviews and the way that you are able to catch my mistakes and help me make this the best story I can make it :)
Oh wow. The emotions in this chapter were well thought-out, and communicated very effectively. This was a shorter chapter, indicated by the title (Interlude) but essential to the story all the same.
"Ginny glared daggers at the books and parchment in front of her, her heart pounding with fright, anticipation, anger and nervousness. In the long run, did it really matter if she got this potion’s essay done?" Yes! Ginny is growing up! I loved the imagery in that sentence. And thank you for remembering about Hermione, though I would have liked to see something about Ron and how he's handling Harry's absence. Dumbledore seemed a little OOC, because he doesn't seem so tired. His speech is as normal as ever... perhaps you could include some pauses where he takes a breath, reflects on his words, etc. "'Harry was always the glue, you know? I don’t think either of us realized how hard it would be for us to be the golden duo instead of the golden trio…'" That's very true. It's a good observation that plays well into your plot. Overall, a good job for such a short chapter.