12/23/06
http://grammypat.livejournal.com/profile
I'm a novice fanfic writer although have written/published several Psychiatric Nursing related articles and related items.
Some of my intrests include: Nursing, Psychology, Education, Needle work, Reading, Music, Parenting
For Escapism: DVD's (Sean Connery) and Romance Novels (Nora Roberts)
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Sins of the Father by TheVault
Rated: Professors •Summary: There was something about him that made him irresistible to her. Siobhan Murphy will go to any lengths to ascertain her deepest desires - but when the object of those desires is a married man twice her age with secrets darker than she can imagine, she will find herself caught in a scandalous liaison that she can't walk away from. Not Canon-Compliant.
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3: Of a Stranger
No, Jenna. Not Molly, but can see how it fits in this story line.
Watching uncle kill aunt when you are 6 could indeed have some lasting effects.
On to next chapter
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Almost Too Easy
She's lovely. So young and yet so very old.
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8: Fulfillment
OMG...I know Jason can be like that but are you sure of Lucius? Don't let him hurt her.
Date: 08/25/07 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20: Revisitations
The "Revisitations' chapter has brought your story to another level of excellence.
Thank you
pdrsj
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Up Against A Wall
"She had no idea if he expected her to speak, or if he would rather she didn’t.
A thought occurred to her that this was the reason normal people tended to have relationships as opposed to casual sexual encounters."
..Jenna, that is so good and very insightful.
"Clearly, you have a knack for treachery and manipulation"
..hmm, is Lucius right or is there something more here as well. Siobhan is so very much the `witch' within each of us.
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11: Black Marble
"Breakfast was dull. Perhaps the Malfoys, in the holiday spirit, felt obliged to be more consistently civil towards one another than was routine"
...O.o nice, very nice
hmm, a 'black mark' reminder?
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12: Confrontation With Fear
"Well, Potter should know that I’m fully capable of handling my affairs, and that his time would be better spent minding his own business.”
“I can hardly believe you’re a Slytherin,” Katie said with amused sarcasm."
...again, nice. very nice
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14: Mr Malfoy’s Reputation
hmm, this chapter's review seems to have been lost. Gist,
So many mixed emotions and loyalties. Be as gentle as you can with her, she's very special. Very special indeed
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15: Secrets Revealed
There was still an unsettling feeling within her, though. Aside from guilt — a worry. Potter was too curious for his own good, and, perhaps, it was time to come up with a way to divert his attentions elsewhere.
....oh, Jenna. The limbic brain vs the higher/controlled brain. Your use of conflict is excellent. You orient it both within and without. Nice, very nice.
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16: Rising Tides
“Excuse me?” she asked with biting formality, prowling up to the pair of them. “I seem to have misplaced something, I was wondering if you’d seen it?”
McGonagall gave her a look of startled confusion before she turned to give Longbottom a small, consoling nod. He walked off to sit down and the professor turned back to Siobhan questioningly.
“What have you lost, Miss Murphy?” she asked.
“Harry Potter,” Siobhan said simply.
.....oh
Potter’s words resounded in her thoughts, and it sent a shiver through her spine. Yes, the two were different people, with different lives. And yet, despite the danger he faced, Siobhan had always envied him somehow. She saw that he had freedoms she did not, companions that she had lacked all her life, and there was what she most lacked: the courage not only to fall in love, but to acknowledge and labour for his heart’s desire with fervour and honesty. Potter did not lie to himself.
....working with conflict from within, denial, anger, rationalization, pain. Oh, Jenna so much pain. I told she would hurt and not necessarily have the ego strength to deal with it.
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16: Rising Tides
you know there is only one wording change I might make and that's Severus' use of the word 'shagging'. It's so out of sinc with the rest of the language and the generational content.
that's just my perspective as a member of Snape and Lucius' generation.
Date: 12/23/06 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17: Disillusionment
"I can't believe I'm so stupid,"
“I feel like --- a filthy whore
Lucius grabbed her arm and suddenly his eyes were filled with fire.
“Never speak about yourself in such a manner,” he commanded fiercely, as though she had insulted something in his possession. “Do you understand me?”
...Oh, Jenna they are both so caught and in such wrenching pain.....both trapped 'by the sins of the father'
Hatred coursed through her — hatred for Lucius. Hatred for herself. Hatred for his sins and her own; for his wicked deeds and beliefs, and her stubborn ignorance of them. Her heart ached with the pain of disappointment,
.....I didn't think it was possible to feel the same level of pain and empathy for Lucius as I found for Salazar.
.....how does she get through this next year to celebrate her birthday today??
Belonging to Bellatrix by Fantasium
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: “Behind every great man stands a great woman.” But what happens when the roles change? What is life like to a man who must live in the shadow of his wife? A wife who is neither great nor good, but wicked and cruel, and who only exists to serve her master… One-shot, written pre-HBP.
Date: 02/18/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot
Anna,
This is the first time I've read any of your stories. It was a difficult read and a difficult situation. You handled it with such finesse. WOW
Rendezvous by murgatroid
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Hedwig and Pigwidgeon have a secret! How far will they go to keep it that way? Read to find out more...
A Short but Sweet story
Wow, i just realised that a whole section of Rendezvous has been missing ever since i first posted. This has now been fixed, so if you have already read this, please do again because the extra part is (I think) crucial. Sorry I never realised this untill now :(
Scroll down to the bottom if you dont want to reread, it is the last section of the fanfic
Date: 03/05/07 Title: Chapter 1: One-shot
Oh, how fun. Great Reading
You captured the insecurities and fears felt by so many as they face their love and the ramifications that love has for others.
It is a wonderful use of personificaion and on just the right day of the year.
The the image of them under the invisibility cloak is inspired.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! *smiles*
Dreams of a Fallen Lotus Petal by Lurid
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: She herself will not cry aloud. She will die inside, but that in itself will not take her closer to her beloved. She is hiding herself in her shoulder, beneath her thick dark hair and drawing in silent breaths of anguish as she presses herself further into the wall. It is her deepest wish to become one with it, for a wall stands for many years and becomes stained with the marks of age.
Lurid of Ravenclaw House, for the Mythology Challenge. Indian Mythology.
Date: 03/05/07 Title: Chapter 1: No Light Without Parvati
Steph,
I seem to have problems navigating the submission of reviews. 2nd attempt.
This is a very powerful exposition of the depth of pain that accompanies the death of a parent, sibling, a very close friend, and especially a twin.
Your writing style allows the reader to feel as Padma feels. We enter with you on a journey inward until we reach the center of the dark world of silent screams.
What a fantastic way to present the spirit guide. She is both of and not of this world. She is both Padma and not Padma. Yawa is totally believable and presents Padma's reality, our reality, gently yet with a fierce firmness that we may not stay within the dark.
Yawa takes all of us, Padma and your readers, to the center of the dark so the reality of the dark can be faced. Then, almost with knowing, small cracks of healing light enter and draw Padma back into the forward movement of life.
It is very much to your credit as an author that you end your story with a beginning rather than ending. You have a good grasp of the symbols and images you utilized with great integrity within the story.
Thank you for writing and posting a journey that allows your readers an opportunity to experience what many fear to feel.
Author's Response: Oh, Pat. You\'re so wonderful. Such a nice review to finish off a not-so-wonderful-bar-a-few-surprises-day. Thank you for relating it to something, that means a lot to me.
And don\'t worry :) I\'ve stuffed up so many reviews in my day! I shall have to return the favour, no doubt :D.
Braving the Storm by Gryffinpuff
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: A storm. That's what their love had been…
Helga had known from the start that their relationship was doomed to fail, her obstinance and Salazar's pride too much for even love to overcome. But had it really been love? As time passed she became less confident on the matter. She could only speak for her own heart... and she knew it would never find peace until she faced him one last time. She had to brave one last storm. Rating and warning for brief, rather vague mention of past relations.
Date: 03/23/07 Title: Chapter 1: Braving the Storm
This is a difficult pairing but I think you have used some excellent techniques to express both the connection between them and their individuality.
If I had to choose one sentence that portrays the caring and unreconcilable conflict it would be... "I do not doubt that we enjoyed one another, Salazar," she murmured, "and on many levels. But I have always wondered where my desire for you comes from, how I can burn in longing for someone so different than myself.
Of all the founders, only Helga could have allowed herself that level of honesty and vulnerability. Regardless of the personal cost, she had to provide both of them with the opportunity for closure.
Of particular interest in your technique, is that you don't provide your reader with the same opportunity for closure. I think this maintains good characterization while forcing the reader to interact more intensely with the characters. It is an uncomfortable feeling, but I like the process.
Author's Response: *smiles and hugs*
Thanks Grammy Pat! I actually had never considered this pairing before I wrote this, and upon agreeing to pinch-hit for somebody in the exchange, I found that I\'m rather fond of it, as odd at the match might be.
I like your comments on my technique. It\'s always my goal to make my readers as uncomfortable as possible, lol! I hope it served its purpose, to show that even though there was spoken closure, there would be no ending to the turmoil (or storm) of emotions that Helga and Salazar will undoubtedly feel, after all that has happened, for the rest of their lives. It\'s never a comforting feeling to go into a situation with no retribution in sight, so I\'m glad that worked the way I wanted it to =)