Author banner by Emily (HorseLover), Knight of the Turnip Table.
Hello everyone, I'm an adult female student from India. I'm obsessed with fanfics, like everyone else here at MNFF.
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In case you are a Sorted MNFF Beta Forum member and want to know more about my writings, click here to go to my Duelling Club thread.
Wow! I liked the writing style, even though it was short. It made me feel for Merope.
I seem to be developing a liking for Tom Sr./Merope fics (I've written one) ...
I have never celebrated a birthday.
This was the line that moved me the most.
Author's Response: Thanks, ill read yours and maybe it will help me understand a little better, you know when you write a h/g fic you have a lot to study and learn from, but i dont so this will be really hard for me.
thanks for the kind reviews though
Interesting, and a very original story.
The OC you've created definitely has emotional depth. I've always thought that Tom Riddle probably married Cecilia after he left Merope, but now I see many different possibilities. I also like the way the story leans towards the Dark/Angst category. The descriptions are definitely worth appreciating.
However, I felt that even though emotional depth was present, it was not enough. Perhaps the cause for such a feeling is that the story is only a one-shot. I would suggest that you describe the characters a bit more, especially Merope and Sara.
A good story with a mix of everything, even though not necessarily in the right proportions.
Author's Response: Thank you for the reveiw. And, actually, I did want to make this character Cecilia, but it had to be an OC so I made up someone new instead. And thank you for your suggestions as well.
Wow! It was hilarious! Self-insertion and poking fun at all the cliches around! :D
I liked the freeze-frame bits, and can only imagine the fun you must have had while writing this fic, Harald.
Author's Response: That\'s true, I had a lot of fun writing this. I just put a bunch of things that make me laugh and wrote them down. Thanks for the review!
Wow!
It was the title that intrigued me, and I'm glad that I clicked on the link!
Your characterisation of Sirius is just too good. You've brought out the Marauder and rebel in him, without making him sound extremely silly. I was also impressed by your portrayal of his detached nature: not many authors show this side of Sirius.
Regulus's characterisation is very good as well. I like how you made him show very little empathy for Sirius and disguise it rather effectively. Grimmauld Place is accurately depictedl: lavish for an outsider and hell for a few inhabitants.
I have a problem with one thing. I feel that a better depiction of Walburga is needed, because your descriptions in this regard makes it sound as if it's her portrait yelling after her death, and not her living self.
All in all, a brilliantly concieved one-shot!
Author's Response: Yes, I sort of felt that her protrait was yelling at them as well, but that is how I imagine her even in life. I just see her as a mother who yells and screams a lot at her children and just cares about \"the family name.\" Thanks for the great review!
Wow! A very sweet fic.
I can see that you've used some cliches like playboy!James and James falling in love with Lily as soon as he steps into Hogwarts in a very subtle way. I would like to congratulate you for it.
Th characterisation of Chloe is very good. It's obvious that even though she's beautiful and clever, she has problems when it comes to love and getting the special someone that she loves. Even though you have come very close to making a Mary-Sue out of her, you have managed to avoid creating a perfect and flat character. Good job!
Of course, the thing that makes Chloe so real is her love for James. and her final acceptance that James will never love her. She cannot love Sirius.
Now for a bit of constructive criticism: I didn't like the ladies' man!Sirius allusion very much. The way he keeps staring at Chloe when he gets the chance seemed very out-of-character, because we all know that Sirius was never interested in girls, even though a few girls were prone to staring at him. After all, just because a man is good-looking, it doesn't mean that he was a ladies' man.
Apart from the playboy!Sirius part, I liked everything else. Overall, this fic is a job well done, despite its flaws.
~Dumbledore Prince.
P.S: I'm doing this for house points. In spite of that, a review in return is most welcome. :D
Author's Response: Lol, thanks! I\'m pretty busy, but when I get back from vacation, I\'ll be suer to drop you a review. Yeah, I know what you mean about Sirius. He does seem a little OOC, but if you read my author\'s page, you\'ll see that this is my least favorite fic. I know I have a few cliches and all that. I guess my writing isn\'t as bad as I thought, because everyone seems to like it! It\'s just that I wrote this about a paragraph at a time, and when you add up the amount of time I put into this, it equals 10-20 minutes. I\'m really not too proud of it. I\'m glad that you liked it, though! Thanks for the lovely review!
HA HA HA!!!
Very original way to start a review for a humour fic, I know. But never mind that.
This fic was hilarious! Fred and George are the kings of comedy, aren't they? ;)
Oh no, a giant wild pig is currently destroying the Dursleys' living room ... or did the twins Transfigure the pig back into a coffee table? :D
Some of my favourite quotes:
“Oh yes,” George went on. “He loves plugs. He’s got about fifty so far, but none quite like this.” And with that, he grabbed a pair of scissors off the coffee table, unplugged the lamp, cut the plug off, and tucked it in his robes pocket. Uncle Vernon gasped and jumped up.
“No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m George and he’s Fred,” Fred said.
“Alright, Fred, I-“ Uncle Vernon began.
“Are you deaf?!” George yelled. “I’m George and he’s Fred!” He cried, pointing at Fred.
“But he just said-“ Uncle Vernon began, clearly confused and annoyed.
“I don’t know what your talking about,” Fred said, feigning innocence.
“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS, JUST DON’T TOUCH ANYMORE PLUGS!”
He then flicked his wand and cleared away the chairs... and the couch the Dursley’s had been sitting on. Dudley, Petunia and Vernon all landed on the floor in a heap, each one of them letting out a cry of pain
“Oops, sorry ‘bout that,” Fred said. He then proceeded to levitate them while George made their couch reappear. Then Fred set them down none too gently back on the couch.
This reminds me rather irresistably of the time when Dumbledore visited the Dursleys ... *roars with laughter recalling that part of HBP*
The best quote:
The last thing he saw were the Dursleys’ astonished faces as Fred turned their coffee table into a giant pig.
*laughs all over again*
~Mini.
Author's Response: HA HA.
I really enjoyed writing the part when Fred and George came and pick Harry up. And I really liked the part when Dumbledore comes and picks Harry up in the 6th book, too. :)
This chapter had me chuckling through and through. Everyone was IC and it was all believable. Good job! I like the way you can infuse Dark elements into a humour fic. As always, the twins never fail to entertain!
Good luck in getting past your writer's block! :D
~Mini.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice review. I have written a little under half of the next chapter, and hopefully inspriation wil hit soon.
This fic makes a rather refreshing change from most humour fics that I've been reading lately. It's quite subtle (at least the second chapter is) and thankfully there's not much OOCness. I can only imagine the expression on Harry's face when he finds out that he has to walk with Ginny ... *chuckles*
Well done!
~Mini.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice review. I\'m glad that it doesn\'t seem too OOC.
Nice plot development here ...
Your humour skills are increasing chapter by chapter. What I like the most is the subtle nature of the humour: not too loud or random, but sensible, admirable and amusing nevertheless.
"Ron, it’s Harry. Wake up.”
“Hairy spiders?!” Ron yelled, sitting up abruptly in his bed and looking around wildly.
I don't have to say why this is the most entertaining line in this particular instalment. I just loved the Hairy-Harry comparison! I just laughed like a maniac after reading that. *grins*
While I'm still on the subject of your humour, I think I'll praise you a little bit more. It was a little hard for me to imagine the ridiculous gowns worn by Hermione and Ginny, but when the picture finally formed in my head, I couldn't stop grinning. Bill's reaction was a little predictable, yet amusing.
I also have some constructive criticism to give. The formatting isn't quite right; you need to hit the return key twice while writing or submitting the next paragraph. It's not easy to read, especially because most people will be reading this on their computer screens. I also noticed that "Fleur" was misspelled as "Fluer" in a couple of places ...
But they're small mistakes that I hope you can fix soon. I like the direction of the story: it has a plot, while still maintaining the required humour.
- Mini.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I will try to fix the formatting error, I didn\'t even realize that there was one, since I haven\'t even looked at the chapter since it has been posted. I\'m glad you liked the humour. I wasn\'t sure if there was enough of it, and I\'m glad that you enjoyed it!
Hi Anna! *waves*
This story was pretty original. Congratulations for the Order of the Hospital Wing: First Class. It was very well-deserved!
Normally, I don't go to review OC centred one-shots because there's not much character development. But your fic is definitely an exception! I like Teagan's bold personality and her intention of redeeming the Department of Mysteries. Her occupation as a journalist seems just right for her, considering her Gryffindorish bravery.
I also like the hesitancy of the Unspeakables (especially the older one). It seems just right for their profession, and their secrecy is just right for their occupation.
Last, but certainly not the least, I liked your explanations about the various rooms, and the brain escape.
Author's Response: Another review?! *gaspshockdie* You\'re too much, Mini! *grins*
I\'m very glad you liked this fic because it took me forever to type up! Teagan is my baby, I am quite fond of her. Thanks for both the review and the congrats! *hugs*
Well done!
I dunno why I'm coming across so many good Tom/Merope fics here ... but I don't mind. I sort of like the pairing, despite the tragic end. It all started when I wrote my Tom/Merope fic.
This one was very good. It showed how shallow their relationship was, and how Merope's unrequited love ended in despair. But I think Merope and Tom's married life was a lot darker than how you've portrayed it. Their travels around the world seemed a little too hunky-dory. But you've done it because you want the story to match with the song you've chosen, so it's acceptable.
~Mini.
Author's Response: Thank you for the great review. I never said that they didn\'t have there squabbles, for love isn\'t healthy without a few fights. I probably should have clarified in my story. Thanks again!!
Simply beautiful, Maia. The way you've captured Harry's desperate feelings for a very close father-figure is making me almost cry for Remus.
The descriptions are great, and I especially loved these few sentences:
So many had been lost. So many loved ones. So many friends. Cedric. Sirius. Dumbledore. Tonks. Ginny. Remus had been Harry’s last connection to his father. His last connection to the world he had come from. And Harry had been the same for Remus. They had kept each other company, and Remus was like a brother. Like a father even.
It showed Harry's emotions really well. Well, this fic has affected me a lot, and I'm likely to remember this one as one of the most moving D/A fics I've ever read.
Speaking of Darkfics, I felt that this one-shot fits better into the Dark/Angst category than the Post-Hogwarts one. Perhaps, the story will get more reviews, then.
Amazing job!
~Mini.
Author's Response: That\'s a good idea, actually... I never really thought of Wings as a dark-fic, maybe because in the end it\'s about hope... But you\'re probably right. I think I\'ll move it. D/A stories do attract more reviews, don\'t they?
I\'m very glad you liked it! Your reviews always make my happy. :) And you boost my confidence through the roof, lol. I have always enjoyed writing grief-fics, much because I have experienced losing someone dear to me, and therefore those feelings come easy to me. Thank you for reviewing! *hugs*
Very sweet!
For once, I'm almost speechless. The story is very angsty, but in a nice way.
How did you submit more than one fic to the HHWP? I thought it was just one fic per Healer, like most contests here.
Alas, I haven't got any review for my HHWP submission ... *sighs*
~Mini.
Author's Response: Hi Mini,
Thanks so much for reading this story and leaving such a nice review! I really appreciate it. I didn\'t think we could enter more than story either, so I was going to enter this story in another category and say it was inspired by the HHWP. But I double-checked at the last minute and was told it was okay! I loved this project, it was very inspiring. And I really liked your entry as well - Bode\'s \"missing moment\" in the DoM was fun to read. Good luck in the challenge! And thanks again! ~Gina :)
Sorry for the double review, I had to say something more.
You're absolutely right. Harry is not a Horcrux. I mean, Slughorn has already told us that creating a Horcrux requires the use of the spell and that's why I don't believe in those "Harry is an 'accidental' Horcrux" theories.
I'm happy that your fic is supporting my theories ... :D
Author's Response: Yes, I don\'t really think he is a Horcrux. Or maybe I just *hope* he isn\'t, since that would probably play out very tragically. I\'ve read fanfics that go both ways, and I can\'t wait to see what JKR does with it. Either way it will probably be very emotional. I\'m glad to support your theories - thanks again for the note! ~Gina :)
Nice job, Jenna! You had me chuckling at the toothpaste part. The AD/MM hint ... *chuckles again*
By the way, you (or the mod who approved this) has double-posted this story accidentally.
But they didn't. And now, when she was left all alone with nothing to love, was the time when she needed him the most.
Wow, that was simply beautiful. The dark imagery that you managed to portray is very convincing and real.
The morose and dark descriptions of the house intrigued me. I've never seen the Burrow being described in such haunting tones. Nor have I read about an old, weak and depressed Molly Weasley. Simply poignant.
The way you state her fondness for something grey, cold and mysterious in the evening of her life is ... excellent.
I can't think of ways to improve this - it's that well done. It's obvious that you've put a lot of effort into this. It was an amazing story!
~Mini.
Author's Response: Thanks Mini! I\'ve never thought of the Burrow as depressing either... I think that\'s sort of what started this...
But thank you so much for your wonderful review!
Nice R/Hr poem you've got here! You've captured Ron's hesitation rather brilliantly, it's very in-character.
Normally, I don't review poems because I don't understand the intricacies of poetry, but this delighted me so much that I had to leave a comment about this (plus, it's freeverse, which doesn't have any rigid style).
A small typo ...
"Your smile warm me"
Shouldn't it be "your smile warms me"?
Anyway, good luck with your future fics!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing my poem, it makes me feel special! And thanks for finding that... sadlly I am not perfect! You found my one flaw!!! :)
This story is completely original! It did move me, and I'm pretty sure that this is one of a kind (again, like your other one-shots). It is a real (yes, it felt very realistic) conversation between the young and the old. Some sentences remind me of The Lord of the Rings:
The young listen to the old and forget. But the old remember the young forever and ever.
Compare this with Théoden's words (from LOTR, The Two Towers):
The young perish and the old linger, withering.
The similarity struck me at once. Your sentence had a lot of meaning within.
I have a small suggestion, though:
His gaze ran across the wooden walls, the myriad of portraits, the bed with its starred, blue comforter, the en suite bathroom, and finally onto Dumbledore’s Old Bedroom Mirror.
"Comforter" is an Americanism. The word "rug" would make it sound more British.
Anyway, this was a great story! Meanwhile, good luck with your WIP.
~ Mini.
Author's Response: Thanks for this nice long review! It drives me to give a correspondingly long response. The line that you compared with LOTR most likely was inspired by it, at least on a subconscious level. I really do love those movies, and so it would make sense that some things in my stories might end up being a little similar. I\'ll also watch out for using \"comforter\" in fanfiction after this. I\'m having quite a bit of fun with Briticisms in my WIP. I\'m using \"jumper\" instead of \"sweater\", and I\'m having a whole lot of fun with the language. It\'s too bad Americans don\'t use \"bloody\", \"blast\", and \"wanker\" more often, because they\'re so fun to say :)
Very interesting. You have an awesome way of writing twists and turns. I was pulled into the story so much that I forgot all about the warnings, including the slash one. Nice darkfic and AU stuff. My jaw dropped when I read the "Weasley was dead" sentence. That was completely out of the blue! Good luck in the challenge!
I have a little nit-pick: don't you think the Harry/Draco snogging was a little too abrupt?
Apart from that, great job?
~Mini.
P.S.: Sorry for asking this, but can you kindly read and review my stories if possible?
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I\'m glad you liked the story. Yes, the snog-scene was abrupt. But it was a one-shot and, when discussing this on the forum, I reached the conclusion that Harry/Draco would be full of sudden starts and catastrophic breaks.
I\'ll try to get around to review one of your stories.
Wow. What a subdued yet powerful story! I like the way you show things in a reflective style that tells more - it's a hard feat to accomplish, and you have most certainly done so.
How long ago was it that she was fighting along side her two best friends? How long since she had held Ron while he was off in one of his drunken stupors?
This sort of reflective paragraph at the beginning is somewhat clichéd in Darkfics involving break-ups, but it fits well with the mood of this particular one-shot.
The actions of her parents and the Muggles was not entirely unexpected. Hermione's seeming lack of concern about their thoughts fits well with the darker tone of the books; it shows how even a Muggle-born can become distant from Muggle ways after spending nearly seven years at Hogwarts.
And there's not much to say about the Ron/Hermione break-up. Even though I'm a closet canon-shipper, I can't help feeling angry at Ron for his drunken ways and endless Harry admiration. I found it hard to believe, though, because not caring about Hermione is really OOC for him.
I also like the tasteful way you've handled the lovemaking scenes. They weren't too detailed, and details would have lessened the emotional impact of this story (and driven the rating up). As for constructive criticism, I have none to give, because your spelling and grammar are perfect.
“We’ll start a new one,” his warm breath weaved into her ear, “just as soon as you love me too.”
A lovely, hope-filled ending! Not something that I would expect in a D/A fic, but heartwarming nevertheless! Well done, Lex!
- Mini.