What are you upto here? Merlin, you can write! And I don't mean just the goodness of it, but the length. And I imagined this was coming as a one-shot. Mind you, I'm glad this isn't done.

Before I get to the review itself, I'll share a little something with you and well, it's something I have been thinking about and maybe we could discuss it over tea some time. So the last time I sent a chapter to V (vorona) for betaing, the main section was a conversation between James and Remus and I'd written it picturing in my mind how they'd just talk. Like someone was listening to them. V reviewed on that it sounded too much like real conversation, you know the way conversation is vague often. Because we don't always complete our thoughts and depend on the fact that we "know" the other person. I read through my piece again and decided it sounded a little too natural, because V's point I reckon was that it puts off reader when they can't figure out what it is that is being talked about, that some elaboration would do good. Maybe it was something left with me after reading your stories because this isn't my usual way. I haven't got around to changing it. What I'm left wondering now is how much of what V said about readers losing track and interest actually sits.

This chapter was absolutely full of surprise. You know what I'm usually doing when I'm reading, be it fanfiction or original fiction, I tend to glaze over if even the slightest bit of sentence is uninteresting. I just finished two days ago this novel by Karen Bajaj. He's an Indian writer and his book 'Johnny gone down' was an absolutely brilliant read. I thought it seemed like the movie Kiss Kiss Bang Bang only in paper. That book didn't have my attention stray for a single second. I read every word. In this chapter the same thing happened. I felt like if I missed a sentence, I'd be lost later. In countless stories I'm just running through lines hoping to get to the parts about the characters I like, because hey I just wanna know what happens and enough with the dwindling!

So you had two things here. You know sometimes when you read fanfiction, you can anticipate what's going to happen. That wasn't the case here. At all. There was just so much information coming along, each and every line, developing your characters, their history, the plot, the story. Especially that part with Annie and Fab and Gab, I was reaching the end and thinking 'goodness, what did you lose!?' I kept thinking she doesn't have something. My first guess was that she was physically challenged somehow. Hmm.

So, here's the other thing that comes off very powerfully and significantly in this chapter. The reader has to really keep up because you don't figure out the core of it until that scene where it should reveal itself is actually over. I have said this before, your writing style has something very vague about it. I can't help but think that it indeed was very natural which is what drew me to it in the first place. You skim through what is happening but it isn't as if you fail to deliver what is most important there. As DeadManSeven says (whom you should check out by the way if you get a chance) that the reader can really fill out the unimportant details by themselves and to their fancy. It's what's central to your story that counts to be delivered.

You did it. Brilliantly as always. I looked at this critically at some points because for a moment or two, I could understand what V said, and because I was so engaged I wondered, 'could I please know what's really going on'. But here's the thing, it doesn't dampen my absolute curiosity or the certainity that I'm not going to be disappointed by the delay. Hmm. Does this answer what I mentioned in the beginning about being too natural? I really don't know about other readers, and of course I'm a little biased about your writing itself, but here's what I say, what's writing and story without a little mystery in it, a little ambigousness to fill in by the creativity in the reader's own head. I love the fact that I don't know where you are heading. The way your dialogue eventually comes off, I feel like I'm evasdropping and the best part of it, this is the sort of the story I will come back to later. Because then I'll know how it ends and still everytime I'd pick up something in the chapter I missed the first time.

Your plot is fascinating. I envy you for writing this last section with Rene and Gideon because there's this wibe coming off it of experience. Rene is so humble and can I say wise, which sounds too strict a word, but anyhow, I "felt" the years behind his words. You made me trust him. I think Gideon does too.

I loved that part about thinking of there being three people in a marriage. Isn't it like that? You got through this detail about a connection that naturally exists between twins, without ever mentioning it in so many cliched words. Annette was brief and I loved the fact that you could actually manipulate her character by showing her through Gideon's eyes when he's talking about her to Fab. It is amazing really, because we haven't seen much of her and yet we might underestimate the strength she might play with in this story just because Gideon said she cried on too many occasions. It seems natural for her to. I can't help anticipating what else you think is under her skin.

I was a little surprised at Gideon sharing his private life with his brother, but I'm an amateur there. And I think the reedeming quality of the surprise I got there was how Fab changed his words in mid-sentence, and how Gideon's words were a little like a monologue itself. I did not like the plot line of the bezoar too much. Certainly it was needed but it was unoriginal.

Hmm, what else? Yeah, and Annette's background. Awesome job of scattering it here and there. That really supports the plot of them not having a child as with the story being centred around family and relationship, yes? We can do a little guess work at Gideon's own family but I think sketching Annette's family was a great move. Makes it credible.

I wish you'd show more of alone time with Annette/Gideon. I want to see what "makes" them. I can't help but cling for the romance here as much as for the story as a whole.

This might not have been a very helpful review. But hey, I'm just spilling words as they are coming to me.

Hope you have back up chapters. I can't wait for an update!

-Akay

P.S: Honoured by the dedication as always. Won't even bother telling you to give someone else the chance ;)

Author's Response: Holy crap.

I want to be reduced to tears, because of this last line - the world's most brilliant last line, but I can't. Oh, wow. I love that Luna's persona shines through in your description but the dialogue is wonderful as well. She's funny and no wonder they managed to built such a companionship.

I really really like this. It's very perceptive and well written. Thank you for such a brilliant piece!

-Akay

Author's Response: Haha. I highly doubt it's "the world's most brilliant last line," but thank you for that wonderful lie regardless. ;) I'm very proud of my characterization of her and plan on writing more fics with her in the future.

Wow. I like this very much. It's so terribly short though ;) I love how Snape seems to shine out of the dialogue. He's witty and practical but not so much as he's in the novels itself which goes to show that he's still to learn. But there is no doubt that he's the same man. So you did a brilliant job at the characterisation.

I also loved the motives you gave him. He's a person who thinks he's fulfilling his own purpose, finding his own way, that he can't ever be "made" to do something. Oh, how sad! Like Regulus indeed. Sad also because Lily didn't understand this either like many other people in the novels and the audience as well, might I say. Or maybe Lily didn't want to. Hmm. Snape is an intelligent guy and sometimes people like him they want to experiment a little of everything to see what niche they want to be a part of.

I've had a look at your list of favs and you sure are a fan of dark, unresolved characters. I recognise a few of them from my own list. Where your story is going to be added next.

Brilliant work!

-Akay-

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you liked it, it's the first story I've posted so it makes me truly happy that someone found it worth to read :) About the characterisation; Snape is really young here, and yeah, young people tend to be arrogant about their own abilities. I'm pleased that got through. Also the parallel to Dumbledore's youth; he was also incredibly gifted and understand him more than Snape actually understand. (Yeah, Regulus is also one of my favourite characters and my next fic is gonna be about him and Barty Crouch Jr... I simply cannot resist the bad-boys who are maybe not so bad... OK that sounds lame:P) Again, thanks for reading and reviewing, this made my day!

*claps* Yay, for joining the club! You should write this pairing often. I loved this story.

I like how you touched on the idea of codes of conduct in both the pairings given here. I don't know how to put this any less crudely, or should I say abstinence. Very tastefully dealt with! You give us both before and after which makes it rounded.

When I read the Dicken's quote, I was immediately reminded of the prompts in the lilyjamesfest on the livejournal. Did you partially write it for that? You could anyway, it totally works.

Brilliant story!

-Akay-

Author's Response: Um, I don't write for livejournal - never got around to it so I haven't seen the Dickens quotes. I basically googled this about 10 minutes before submitting (yes, I'm that deep!).I do actually write this pairing quite a lot, but it tends to get put under Marauder era. I'm not sure either couple abstained - but I guess I abstained from writing the actual sex.

Thanks for the review ~Carole~

I agree that this is a grown up topic and I have to say I love how you handled it. The story had such a slow, steady pace, sometimes a reader just needs that to read about an ordinary afternoon that subtly becomes tense, important, important enough to be narrated and delivered. I love how that pace somehow seemed to reinforce what they were going through. They are so mature here, I loved that too. There's weight in Ron's consolations and jokes even. He was adorable here and I love how he behaved.

Very nicely written.

-Akay

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading this and reviewing. I have a few other stories in me on this topic w/regard to R/Hr, but I honestly wasn't sure how well it would be received. How many people out there want to read about R/Hr having fertility problems? ;) I'm so glad you thought the slower pace worked, and that you felt the sorrow under the surface with Ron--that was important to me. Thanks again... I appreciate you taking the time to review!

I have one word about this chapter - refreshing. Hmm, yeah. Cool.

Author's Response: Thank you. Charlie is so often ignored that I felt he deserved some fun. ~Carole~

Have seen this scene countless times on tv, in movies, so much that at points I knew what was coming next, because it's a cycle, a known one, and you know what the stages to this sort of addiction are.

The story was really good though. The element of surprise was perhaps not in how it unfolded but the idea of the story itself, unique, and more importantly, well-applied in the wizarding world. Well-setup. The thing that kept me reading was to figure out the "buyer". Interesting choice with a lot of future one-shot potential. Haha.

There's one thing you might like to know. I thought when I read the summary that the narrator is a woman. For some reason, there's something in the wording like the narrator is amused and at the same time shrewd about his (her) clients. And the way the narrator's observation are written, it sounded to me like a woman. But that's just me. Merely letting you know how I read it. Though, in the second half the voice began to sound manly. Of course a man's voice suits better in the story.

I like this because it's a non-judgemental perspective, perhaps because the person selling it makes money out of it. It has lead me to think more of their side than those who stand on George's. When you see this on tv, the dealers are always portrayed in a negative or part-negative light. Here I find myself almost sympathising with him. I realise how senstive this topic is, how intriguing it is to probe into the POV of the person who is dealing the drugs out. When people have other people at their mercy. . . .

Well-written, Jess.

-Akay

Author's Response:

Hmm, interesting point that you bring up about the narrator. I honestly didn't want their identity specified in any way, since that's the way things tend to be in the underworld of illicit substances. A client may know the dealer's street name, but that's never actually their name. I like having a level of anonymity for the role. I really hadn't intentionally put a feminine or masculine voice to the summary or to the narrative, though the dealer feels like they should be a male in my head, so you're right on that. I might peruse the summary and tweak it a bit, make it a little less female-sounding.

This was meant to be the story that's been told a thousand times, because that's what it is to the dealer. He has seen countless people come to him from various backgrounds, but they all end up the same in the end. That was deliberate on my part.

I'm not sure why I picked second person for this, but I suppose it just seemed to fit in my head, so I'm taking the fact that you hadn't commented on it as a sign that it wasn't done poorly. I've never used it before, and it's not something I particularly enjoy reading, so yay if it turned out okay.

Thanks for the great review. :)

~Jess

Been a few minutes and here I am still trying to clear my head. Being a person who frequently visits the recent page and leaves without often going to none of the stories, right now I find myself sunken in my chair feeling sad and torn and absolutely wanting to get this review over with so I can read the story again. (One could say I'd do better with a little more enthusiasm, haha). Thanks for giving me the most enjoyable ten minutes of this morning.

Something that stood out incredibly in story was your command on the descriptions. A favourite fanfic author of mine here has this gift with description too, but in a way that he weaves it into the story so well that you're not essentially thinking about the actions but the character, because he only chooses the details that lend something to the character in that very moment. I absolutely loved your contrast to him in the way that your descriptions are not subtle but the story, the anticipation is actually built on them. Description is what apparantly you have here but then I reach the end and the find out who the person is and for a moment, I'm over taken by an overwhelming feeling (like some residue from finishing DH). The description serves its purpose because I go back reread it again just after I have done the first time, this time putting a name to the pronoun. It was like default.

Time slows down in the cupboard. Amazing. I realise now also that the actions Harry observes in there (description of the perfume earlier and later also - so good!) are so unique in quality that they could only have been Harry's. He's the guy who couldn't afford to think about girls in that last book but now in a post war glimpse of him, he's filled with an overpowering need to be together with one.

This above must have been something you were expecting. But I bet you wouldn't this: I thought the protagonist was Luna. Ha. There are few things I begin with here, an attention to detail, the absolute sensitivity of it, being withdrawn and being at ease with it because it comes as second nature, an instinct to feeling lonely post-war. Off the top of my head I can only relate these attributes to either Harry and Luna. And when I began this I thought it was Luna. Maybe I'd have missed something in the summary that suggests it. But I wonder what you think about this. You know of at least one person (me) who misjudged the sex here. Do you think there is some way that this detail can be dealt with here or would you say that its not important to superimpose everything onto the reader and take away the joy of being indulged.

I could not guess that girl was Hermione either. It is so masterful of you to describe her as: silhouette, tall with willow limbs, standing still and peering down through the thin crack between the door and the frame. I wait for her to speak to me, to step inside. After all, it’s not as if she’s ever really needed an invitation, before. So amazing. Genius. There's a post war change in her too. It's lovely to see that she's this young lady now who is slowly trying to embrace life and reach for any bit of goodness their scarred world has to offer. You employ simple elements of a girl's daily life: a lipstick and perfume, but they have contributed so much here. It makes me so sad to contrast Hermione's growth against Harry. He's wound up in a cupboard again, a little by his free will, perhaps, a little by the actions of the cruel world.

Very beautiful. Thanks again for this wonderful piece of work and keep writing.

-Akay

Author's Response: Hi, Akay, I am so pleased you enjoyed this and to see some of the comments you have left for me.  I will try to address what I can.   'Time slows down in the cupboard.'  I wanted nothing more than to project that feeling of liminal time, that feeling of being arrested.  It is a key theme, here, and I'm glad you feel I succeeded.   To answer your question about the misjudged sex, I have never felt the need to give the reader all the information up front, and I don't mind at all that you thought the protagonist might be Luna or that you didn't immediately recognize Hermione.  It was less important to me that you instantly know who these people might be, and more important that you can feel, or, at least, have some sense of, what they might be feeling.  I generally like to leave some room for the reader to think, to linger.  I like for them to have somewhere to go without me (the author) holding their metaphorical hand so tightly.  I want to gently lead you through the scene in my mind, not march you through in tight formation, if that makes any sense. I intentionally made the summary as vague as possible.  Maybe this is a bad choice.  I mean, I want people to feel intrigued enough to read, but then I look at it and I can’t bring myself to change it to make it clearer.  I can’t get away from maintaining the ambiguity of the beginning of the story.  Is this a detriment?  Perhaps.  Only the individual reader can judge.         I am so glad you chose to read this and then write such a thoughtful review.   I’m very happy you feel that it wasn’t ten minutes wasted.-S-

Amazing that it is four in the morning and I just got lucky the fourth time today while checking if your chapter got through. First one on the recent page. Shouldn't there be points for this kind of thing?

I could hear Harry. From the second sentence onward. I love this about the first person, which is just one of the reasons that it's my own default writing POV. I thought at first that his observations of the sounds were too much information, in too much detail. But my idea was very premature. This beginning scene required a bit of imagination and it works amazingly for the reader that way. I love the way he's lying there listening to her move around in the kitchen, his easiness in that gesture, up until the moment that so suddenly she has head out of the door and he springs after her belatedly. As before you have tapped into Harry very well. It's so endearing about him the way he's unsurprised at her visit but curiosity fills him entirely only minutes later.

Just like Hermione's prologue you do here a nice job of sketching out his life and who he is at this point in a unique manner, without ever really spelling things out for the reader. I love the feeling of open-endedness I feel.

Authors often write Harry as an organized and collected person after the war. You write him with a stark contrast. I can't help but almost smile at the conversation in his head, he's divided and confused and probably not used to solving riddles without her help.

There's an affected brand of wittiness there: 'floppy wastes of time', 'the fact still remains - I'm faster' which sort of balances this chapter against the last, him against her.

I did have a tiny doubt about the girl in his bed being Hermione at first. But the line about the curl suggests otherwise. It's amazing that your chapters are so short but the events in your story, perhaps because of the way you are laying them out, I should say is progressing just fine. Obviously though, there are more questions than answers.

See you on the other side of the calender. Happy new year, littlebird!

-Akay

Author's Response:

Hi, Akay! Happy New Year to you!

First, let me say that you have tapped one of my pet peeves: Authors writing post-Hogwarts Harry as a righteous, collected, uber-capable machine of valour. I've never been able to see why, suddenly, he should have it all together just because he's older. I've always thought it more likely that the years would turn up more and more issues. More scars. More chips in his psyche. I believe he would struggle, but I also believe there would be a sort of wry acceptance that these things would come, and that he'd think it best to try to deal with them.

I wonder, can you tell that this was originally going to be two separate stories? The more I thought about it, though, the more I wanted to mesh them together and shift between voices; Hermione- injured with no recovery in sight, and Harry- not quite so desperate, but still floundering. I am pleased you found my representation of his voice believable and that the contrast between the two is discernible.

As I'm sure you've deduced by now, I am no fan of exposition and much prefer to nonchalantly tuck a few key details into the narrative, letting the reader intuitively perceive the larger picture. This is another reason to like first-person POV. The information, no matter how "reliable" the narrator, remains completely subjective. Even the narrator's most honest statements can contain only part of the truth, and that, to me, is much more interesting.

Oh, dear. It's late and I've begun to ramble. As always, thank you so much for reading and for the thoughtful review, and I hope to have a new chapter up soon!

-S-

You wound me. Because I read here so rarely now, because my favourite authors have moved on and don't write anymore, and almost by chance I stumble on your story and I know that I must expect something moving, it's still a surprise somehow how sad your writing makes me feel.

The flair with which you create hurt and hollowness is simply remarkable. Because the character is Hermione, the whole chapter exudes this feeling of a nagging pain, an anticipation of it, anxiousness, of the sort that a person carries with him on one of those days that they go about their business occasionally with a forced smile, sometimes, if they're lucky, even getting lost in the mundanity of life, but the chest remains heavy with a burden of not being brave enough, or ready enough to deal with it. The best lines of course were in that paragraph were she mulls over steps she'd taken to make that meeting as less difficult as possible. It's so characteristic of Hermione to plan the way she did, but it's also heart-breaking to reflect that she perhaps did all those things for herself as much as for him. Hermione who never focused much on her physical aspects, I reckon after the war must have begun to appreciate them in the way that Ron was appreciative of them. For me thinking that she makes the effort to wear an unlikeable braid speaks just enough about the length and breadth of their relationship and what it had suddenly become.

The best line was That leaves Harry - if Harry even exists, anymore It's an amazing line to give Harry the introduction in your story and sets the tone of his role and characterisation in the future chapters. The lonely, broody, unresolved Harry just seems to fit post-war stories so well than other scenarios. Loved it.

I liked the intensity of the second last paragraph. I have never read anyone describe breathing in cold wind but it's a feeling we know all too well. But I thought it didn't come off as well as it could specifically thegulping, quick lungfuls of frigid air part.

The line where you end is so appropriate but at the same time, I was thinking if what comes next at Harry's place could actually have been included in this chapter. It's very less to go on, but maybe that's just my highly eager (read: impatient) self talking.

So my brilliant little head just took a battering from your very talented one. I suppose life's not always fair. So how far are you in the next chapter?

-Akay

Author's Response: Hi, Akay,

If I wound you, then may I say that you, in your way, both gratify and frighten me. Because you are clearly a thorough, conscientious, and discerning reader, you are both my ideal audience and a great source of creative anxiety. I feel held to a higher standard, and know, inevitably, one day I shan't live up. Until that day, though, thank you so much for reading my stories.

You use of the words "hurt and hollowness" pleases me no end, because that is exactly what I needed to convey. It is essential that the reader understand the place to which Hermione has been driven, and yet I want the reader to question how she ended up here, alone. I also needed to provide a starting point for what I will give the reader next.

I agree with your assessment of the "Unresolved Harry". That love (whose ever it may have been) should have shielded him from any and all psychological injury is the sort of dreamy untruth I simply can't reconcile. For that matter, the idea that any of these characters could just slip into happy oblivion with their teen-age sweetheart really chafes. In my characterisations, therefore, they must be damaged. They must be flawed and behave in ways they will regret, and they must hurt.

The sentence "I begin to walk, gulping quick lungfuls of frigid air, cooling everything fast, through and through," I will attempt to defend, workshop style. This is meant to serve as both a transitive device and a link between the outside environment and the state to which Hermione, at that moment, aspires: Cold and unfeeling. That was my aim. I am willing to concede I may have missed the mark. That said, I will warn you, this is an experiment in non-linear story telling with shifting POV's. There will be violence and sex (neither will be gratuitous) and some of the language may be...inelegant when I feel it to be appropriate. Of course, I will keep it within MN guidelines, but I refuse to look away, so to speak.

To answer your final question, the next bit is done, submitted, and only awaiting validation. From that point on, I have no idea how fast this thing will be written. I have the whole story in my head, but, because I write sentence by sentence and don't have a beta, I usually re-write several times until I'm satisfied. My biggest obstacle, though, is RL, and the same crunched schedule that anyone with a small child, a job, and a spouse must endure. Still, I'm currently very excited about this story and it's necessary research.

Thank you so much for reading for your always thoughtful reviews. I hope I can persuade you to stick with me through this little experiment of mine.

-S-