Repetitive but you don't honestly feel like an honest Sirius fan unless you have atleast the annual read of Halloween 1981 from his POV. So thank you. I particularly liked the ending section where Sirius comes upon James' body. His sorrow is well expressed and has the ability to create emotion in the reader easily. Nice one.
Author's Response: Haha yes I know many fics exist already with this event, but I just couldn't help but do another myself. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Dearest Jenn,
I hope you're good. I think before I get to the review itself I need to say how sorry I'm to have been so unavailable since my exams. My internet had got disconnected on the morning of my last exam and now my poor machine of two and a half years is at the repair shop for an untimely visit. I felt so miserable on the 16th being unable to reach you.. So here it is now: happy belated birthday and I hope it was a good one.
Though this is also an unrelated bit to the review, I loved your dedication. I havent been checking my mails and didnt know you had updated, it came as a nice surprise. It was a beautiful dedication and makes me want to know more about the people who you have been close to.
This story was such a joy to read, my first in several weeks. It has an underlying humour and wit reminiscent of your Andromeda fic set on a Halloween night in the Marauder Era. If I remember correctly it was a spew thing and was well written and was full of scenes that made me laugh. This story too like the halloween fic had moments of black comedy. I dont know if this term is used for literature, I'm only sure of the films. But it just seemed appropriate here. Elphinestone is a rather new character and i've to admit I havent been serious towards him or found myself endeared to him, even after reading him in several of your chapters. Newness mainly has something to do with it and his obvious absence from the novels. But I have loved this light hearted foray into his world, woven world I must say because once again you amaze me by bringing together the unlikeliest of characters in a single chapter and make it seem like it was meant to be! In a very short appearence I have grown fond of of Mitch whose characteristic comedy and suggestive, gossip like way of speaking is a beautiful match to Rosmerta's dialogue in POA with the Hogwarts teachers in the three broomstick. It felt to me like one characterisation was derived from the other.
You havent described Elphinestone but his voice has a boyish charm to it or should I say enthusiasm. Maybe I have extrapolated this from his continued attempts at wooing Minerva. He's likeable and quiet different from the way you have written Ben and Leo before him. Three male characters and three amazingly distinct pairing with Minerva. How do you manage dear lady?
I've loved very much certain parts of the imagery described in this story. One very obviously was the ending paragraph. What is it about me unable to resist written descriptionf of when it rain. Actually I think I can't resist rain in any form. I imagined a picture from one of the films where it is night time and the Great Hall is all light up and outside it is wet and black. Beautifully expressed. I also very much like how you begun the second paragraph and delved into those descriptive sentences for a few moments. The transition from the reflection in the first paragraph to this seemed very much like I was reading a page from a published novel. You have narrated this story in a simple way with clever characters. There's some thing about the way it starts and ends that it seems to tie nicely with your dedication but I dont want to read too much into it. I have enjoyed it and imagine you must have felt the same writing it. Thats what matters for now.
I'll write to you soon when I can. Miss my greatest pal. Love,
Akay
Author's Response: Akay
I don’t have this review right with me, so hopefully what I put here matches. Your PC bit the dust, that sucks, well, it’s going to look like I blew up your box. My bad. But I’m glad that you enjoyed the piece, really, I’m glad that it was any good. You like Mitchell? Yeah, I do, too, I mean, if you’re going to have a barman in a story, you’d do well to make it memorable. As my sister says, if you’re gonna work in that atmosphere, you’d better be memorable.
Yeah, I really tried to pull off a boyish uh … thing even though Elphinstone is old. I mean, he’s got to be old, and I’m not good at math. Age is a mental state; my grandfather James always said that. ïŠ Turns out, he was right … but I’m really impressed that you like the character portrayal. I’m really trying not to get her out of character; I say that every time, every single time, and I end up in the same boat. Why do I keep doing this to myself? The rain … yeah, that’s a Hemingway thing for me. But I’m glad that you like it.
I’m hoping to do a Three Broomsticks thing with Rosemerta hitting the bar for the first time. Something with Sirius, if my calendar’s right. Anyway, blah, Mitchell’s still here … being, well, Mitch. I woke up this morning at 0 dark 0630 to draft the second chapter. So, yeah, we’ll see. Thanks for your reviews. Get your PC fixed – I haven’t heard from you in forever and a day. The dedication? That’s coming. The tie – in. I’m so going to have a hard time writing that. Bleh.
Jenn
I love it! Thoroughly enjoyably and most memorable piece of writing.
-Akay-
Author's Response: Thanks!
Hi!
You write somewhere in the middle: ". . .When I tried to kill Peter--and believe me, I tried--I saw him change into a rat right before I cast the spell. He escaped, and I've been searching for him ever since, a rat with a missing toe."
I always saw it at this that Sirius thought he had killed Peter, until the time twelve years later when he looks at the Daily Prophet. If he knew Peter had been alive all along, why would he wait for such a long time?
It's a lovely story, well-written. I like the addition of the italics thoughts a lot, such as the 'Justice. Redemption' bit.
I'm curious what you think about the above.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! That's an interesting perspective on it; it would make total sense in canon, I suppose. The mindset from which I wrote this story is that Sirius knew he failed, but he couldn't find Peter... how do you find a rat in the middle of London, you know? It could be anywhere! And once he saw that Daily Prophet article, he finally had enough of a clue to go for it. Do you know if canon gives us any hints either way as to what happened? If so, I can probably alter the story to match your POV; it should be a relatively easy change to make, since it wouldn't alter Sirius' characterization or actions in this story in any major way... Let me know! And thanks again for the thoughtful comment; I appreciate your reading and reviewing. :)
Hi. This is a great idea. The following is not a criticism, please note that, but a reflection of how I have come to see your story.
One thing very evident by your writing style here, is that it is quite explicit. From the summary, you set out to do something and in the actual chapter, in every paragraph that follows, you are true to the purpose and Sirius's character in the way you are writing him is revealing and fitting. The way you have written it head first, it reads as a standalone chapter rather than as part of a story until maybe the last paragraph. This is merely an observation. The line: Somehow, he never could twist his lean face into anything approaching the jowly countenance of their Potions Master for instance, is where I found myself smiling and thinking, so true, but I'd have never thought about it exactly like that. Even though it breaks my heart to think what it really implies about Sirius here in the moment, hats off to a great description.
I have a feeling that to counter the truth about Sirius you will play with here, I'd have to frequently go back for consolation to what Jo wrote about his picture with the Potters on their wedding and how it transformed his face. Ah, what an indulgent story yours is going to be :)
My favourite paragraph is where James reconsiders throwing the jar. Bravo! It ends on such a sad note, which was lovely.
I have enjoyed this story and would certainly look out for it. One thing I'd suggest is simply to not make Sirius too aggressive. I'm going to make a connection here to how chronologically, Jo first introduces 11 year old Sirius in the books. Remember that? So he's always been the rebel. The nastiness I think is bound to have emerged when his odds with his family became far too intolerable to ignore. Given where your story is situated, the Sirius you describe is quite on the money actually. I just wish somewhere you'd show before the end that his redeeming quality is one that would have been developed as a result of the time he spent being his best friend's "twin".
Looking forward to more :)
Akay