I think your story has a fairly good plot and some of the home life narratives between Hermione, Harry and Ron are pretty good... some analysis is good, but I think some of your tenses are a bit confused (just a few here and there) - though that doesn't really matter - but your continuous crude language gets really tiring, some references are obscene, and anyway... keep on trying and I think you could really work this plot out very well.
This story is fairly interesting, I suppose if I went through it more carefully I could give you some better suggestions - I do think you need to make the romance seem slightly less sappy... I also think Ginny would really be vehemently angry at Ron, rather than pretending not to know.... wouldn't she tell Mrs Weasley or someone? also, references to Hermione as "the older witch" seem rather unnecessary, Hermione is only a year older than Ginny and anyway if Ginny loves her she wouldn't refer to her that way... but it has potential, I'm looking forward to reading more...