Someone posted an excerpt from this fic in the "Quotes in Fanfiction" thread on the forums, and it looked so interesting I had to come and see. What can I say? There's no way I'd be able to resist a fic on chess.

I really like the metaphors you've built up here. The pawn, the King, the black and white pieces, crossing the board, the scars on the chessboard. I agree, you obviously have put in a lot of work. Well done.

I like how there's not a word of dialogue, and absolutely no action, but it's still so attention-keeping. The repitition really does work, and the way Ron is concentrating so entirely on the chess game, doggedly going on right until the end is very in character.

The way you've sort of got two stories (Ron's musings on his life and friends, and his personal battles as well as the chess game) going on at once is great.

The only things that confused me were: when and where is it set, and what does this line

"He must do this, so the boy who plays Exploding Snap on the floor will be able to play it a century from now."

mean? Surely Harry's not going to live, let alone keep playing Explodinng Snap, until he's one hundred and around fifteen?

I'm being called to dinner now. Congrats on a great fic!

Phia

I like this too! It's actually the first one from Fuddge's POV that I've read. The humour's good, and I like the way he both blames his misfortunes on others and accepts that they were his fault too.

Just a couple of things: continual use of the word "bloody". I don't think it's the type of word Fudge would use. He's more of a jolly English man, if that makes any sense. I know, English people use bloody, but not Fudge. He's the Minister, and since he doesn't ever say it it makes more sense that he wouldn't think it either.

And the use in one of the last paragraphs of "I guess". I don't think he'd say that either. "i suppose", maybe, but not "I guess".

Overall, great characterisation and Briticisms!

Phia

Author's Response: since he doesn\'t ever say it it makes more sense that he wouldn\'t think it either

I disagree. I think Fudge refrains from using the word in public, around other people, because he is the Minister. That doesn\'t mean it\'s not a part of his private vocabulary. Fudge is a politician. He knows which words are appropriate and which aren\'t.

I\'ll consider changing that \"I guess\" to \"I suppose\", though. You may be right about that bit.

Thanks for reviewing, I\'m glad you enjoyed the story none the less! :)

Yes, I am definitely glad that you weren't able to make a H/R fic. That would have been horrible. But this one was very, not so much fluffy, but warm, and it made me smile. Rather than cry. I liked the softer side of Harry that you showed, and the way Ron was so completely in character. Again, no complaints. Gee, I'm making a day of it, aren't I?

Phia

Author's Response: Thanks! Good thing I didn\'t make it slash, then. :P Then again, I dislike H/R for the same reason I dislike H/Hr. It\'s the best friend-thing. They\'re like siblings. It\'s just... no. To me, romance is romance, regardless of gender. Read Thirty-Nine, and you\'ll see what I mean. No sex there, I promise.

I\'m very happy you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for a lovely review, once again!

I am thouroughly enjoying this so far...

But one thing- a few of the things the characters say (eg, Dumby "How are you doing?") are decidedly American. In that instance, I cannot imagine Dumbledore saying that- something more like "How have you been?" would have been more British. And McGonagall seems to be having a similar problem with her dialogue. You've got her manner right, but some of the words just jar- "Why don’t you just go see Albus, Selena," technically doesn't make sense, and I feel she would be impeccably correct in her grammar- something like "Perhaps it would be best if you just went and saw Albus, Selena" would be better. The "Go see" ought to be "Go and see" at any rate. But that's just me, I'm sure you know better than I do what you're doing.

I love the correspondence between the Snapes- he is perfectly in character, and I don't know how you think of such funny things for all your characters to say!

On to the next chapter!

Phia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, Phia. I definitely see what you\'re saying about the dialogue. On one level, I absolutely love this story because it was the first fic longer that a few thousand words that I ever finished, but on the other hand I really have come to hate it because I feel like I\'ve improved a lot since writing it (I started this two years ago come October :o). But I\'m glad you\'re enjoying despite this, and thanks for reading. :D

I never really saw the point of leaving a review that's completely unhelpful, but I'll do it now.

This fic is so lovely. Perhaps he's not perfectly in character, but his words still just about brought tears to my eyes. It's... poignant. Just the right balance of love and tragedy. Well done.

Phia

Author's Response: Simple oppinions are good too, not all reviews have to contain concrit. Just so long as they\'re not, you know, \"OMG, i luv this!!!1!!1!eleven\" ;)

Thanks a lot for reviewing. I\'m really glad you enjoyed it!

Usuall I HATE D/Hr fics, but this one actually seemed more... realistic than most. Tear-jerkingly tragic, of course, but I really liked it. The flashbacks were very nicely done, unlike a lot of flashbacks.
Language was great, too.
What's the Evanescence song? It sounds quite depressing. Most of their songs are like that.

Do you really think Draco will end up in Azkaban? I don't. I reckon he'll come round.


Author's Response: I do too, but you know how it is...for angst\'s sake...LOL. The song is Your Star by Evanescence, and I\'ll have your banner soon! --Hanni

That is hilarious!

I'm sorry. I can't quite breathe at the moment. My dad thinks I'm crazy, sitting here at the computer laughing my head off. Give me a moment.

OK. That was lovely, a light, amusing fic with some great word usage! Your characterisation was great, especially of Sirius, though I think Wormtail was a tad outspoken. I liked the idea about Remus being almost Sorted into Ravenclaw, that's probably going to crop up in my fic now, but I didn't like the bagging of Claws from Sirius. Where's your Prideranclaw??? XD

Lily was lovelily (word?) characerised too, I liked how she finally couldnt' stand Siruis's continued stupidity. The bouncing of clues and retorts between Padfoot and Prongs was hilarious. And the bit at the end where you cut to Dumbledore and Minerva was perfect too.

Your Briticisms were great. One of the few fics that didn't have the Marauders acting American. Don't get me wrong, acting like Americans is fine, just not in the HP world. But you did brilliantly.

Oh, just one thing- you say James is a Chaser. He was actually a Seeker. But that doesn't matter.

On a similar note, Emmeline was beautiful. Some lovely comedy there. I just got this hilarious picture of Sirius swinging his Beater's Bar around the place, and cradling it moodily whenever his mates told him to stop.

I have used the word "hilarious" way too much in this review. BUT IT WAS!

Phia

PS: It's a shame you couldn't've entered this into some competeition. You'd have won.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, what a great review! Some points: #1 I am FULL of Prideranclaw, thanks very much, (;P) but Sirius may not be ... he\'s in Gryffindor, after all. #2 I should hope my briticisms are great! It would be worrying if they weren\'t ... I live in this soggy little country, after all. =D #3 James was not a Seeker, the films made him a Seeker. He was a Chaser. JK said so. He was playing with a Snitch to show off - he couldn\'t exactly carry a Quaffle around, could he? #4 I don\'t know any competitions besides the QSQ (where you have to be nominated) so that would be difficult ... but I\'m flattered you think I would win. Thanks! #5 I <3 Robin Hood!

Well there are some pretty awesome reviews there that I can't compete with, but I think that this is pretty much perfect. I can usually find a couple of criticisms, but none here. I've read quite a few "tragic" HP fanfics on this sight, but this well and truly takes the cake. I have a lump in my throat and my eyes feel terribly watery- oops, I'd better go, I need to find a tissue!

Author's Response: Aww, here you go! *hands tissue* I\'m glad you think so highly of my story. <3 And thanks for leaving such a kind review!

WOW! Very good- I wasn't suspecting that in the least. I was half expecting him to be Ron, til I realised Ron wasn't that smart, but my ears really pricked up at his seeming fascination with blood. I also loved the language leading up to the almost-kiss.
Problem with the whole unusual pairings thing is that it's so easy to slip into OoCness, which you avoided very neatly with the whole masquerade ball thing. I can't think of many other ways, short of love potion, that you could pull that particular pair off!
Definitely the only Hermione/Snape story I've found that's worth reading- yet I would expect no less of my wonderful Beta!
Phia


Author's Response: Aw, you\'re so sweet, thank you so much! I did have entirely too much fun with this story. And you\'re a delight to beta for, hun. Thanks again! :)

This. Is. So. Good! Are you really 13-15? (I'm assuming that's what the 3rd-5th year thing means???) I love some of your descriptive words, the spirals of smoke in the potions room, and unusual word usage such as slather. Just the kind of thing you don't hear all that often. You've really explored Malfoy's character and there's some great depth to him. You can almost believe that he's the good guy and Potter's the antagonist. Also, very exact linkage to the real story- the only thing is you made his encounter with Myrtle sound like a one-off, whereas she explains later to Harry that he regularly confided in her. But with the understanding of the story that you've conveyed, I'm sure you already knew that.
And even though your portrayal of Malfoy was perfect down to the words used, I don't think Harry was all that true to the books. This bit-
"No." Potter at Malfoy with a stony look. "Besides everything else that I suspect of you, Malfoy, you know school rules. What do you think Slughorn would say if I told him you'd been drinking something you made in class?"
Was quite unlike the dialogue Harry has in the books. It was too measured and I doubt Harry would be quite so civil, so polite or use such intelligent wording. He's a much more simple, angry and outright character in the sixth book. But he wasn't the main character, Malfoy was, and as I said before, he was perfect, so that's a very minor point!
All in all, a rave review! I am wondering how long it took you to write this and I am hoping that it took awhile, otherwise I might have to lower my opinion of my own writing! Well done! If I acn figure out how, I'm gonna add you to my favourite authors list...
Sophia

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such an excellent and critical review!! I am so glad that you liked my portrayal of Malfoy because I was incredibly worried about whether he would seem too pathetic. And thank you very much for criticising my writing of Harry - I find him very difficult to write and so avoid including him in my stories; consequently, I am always grateful for critique, and yours was very helpful indeed. I understand he seemed a little OC, and I suppose it was just that I was so focused on Malfoy that I saw Harry through his eyes - if that makes sense! I also needed the encounter to be brief, so everything was a bit rushed. But thank you very much for pointing it out, I\'ll watch out for that next time. The 3rd-5th year rating is more for who the story is aimed at, I am actually a bit older than that. And it did take me a while to write - about two weeks, in fact, so don\'t feel too bad about your own writing! Once again, thank you so much ;o)