I loved the beginning. The romance was so good. It really lured me into the story.
I adore Lucius in this fic. He is just how I would imagine him. I loved his initial reaction to the fact that Grace is a half-blood. He is a very prejudiced man, and it makes sense that he would not be that accepting of a half-blood. I liked how his idea of love changed from the beginning of the chapter to the end. Grace's character really played a nice role here. She was his first real love, his first experience with.
To Lucius, marriage was an act of necessity, to produce children to be new links in the chain of pure-bloods. He could understand that a man would wish for his wife to be faithful, but only because of the damage a scandal could do to a respected family name. Love was a word unknown to him, and one he had no interest in adding to his vocabulary.
I thought that this showed Lucius' character very well. This is how I would picture from the books. He seems to have ulterior motives for everything he does, and this opinion fits him well.
I adored your characterization of Grace. She felt very realistic. You could relate to her. I loved her half-Veela heritage. We don't here a lot about half-Veelas in the books, except for Fleur. I could easily imagine them having a high status just for the fact that they have such stunning natural beauty. I thought that Grace fit her role very nicely. She seems like the perfect person for Lucius. I love her desire to keep her independence.
“A husband? I can’t think of a single thing I care for less than marriage.” To his great relief, she still looked more amused than anything else. “Oh no,” she continued, “a woman of my fortune and connections needn’t bother with husbands. On my own I am whomever I choose to be, while as some man’s wife I would never reach further than he did. Even if he would become the very Minister of Magic I would still have to hover in his shadow. So no thank you, Mr. Malfoy, I prefer to remain a free woman, owned by no one.”
I thought that this really showed off her character and independence. I like seeing characters like Lucius being in a relationship with a woman who is very much their equal. It fits his character much better, in my opinion, when the woman he is with is his equal.
I loved the romance in here. It just sucked me in, making me want to read more. I thought that it was a great way to start the fic out. It leaves you hanging, wanting to read more about Grace and Lucius.
Overall, I really liked this. I can't wait to finish the rest of the fic.
~ Teresa
Author's Response: Hi Teresa! Thank you for such an amazing review!
I’m sorry to say that the story will be a bit lacking in romance after this chapter, as it’s going to be more about love in a platonic way. However, I have considered writing a one-shot or two about Grace and Lucius – I just have to find the time to do so! =)
Wow, Anna, this was a very interesting story, one that I particularly enjoyed! I loved your description and how it flowed.
Wealth and influence shone as accessories from the man and two women, now handing their snow-sprinkled coats to the house-elf. The man, who was of a very considerable size, had an extraordinary aura about him, and was the kind of person Abraxas would almost allow to show interest in his precious wife. The shorter woman, beaten in beauty only by the other who looked to be their daughter, gracefully placed her hand on the man’s arm.
That is . . . amazing, Anna! I adored this sentence, it was wonderful.
And I adore Miss Malory's characterisation. It was brilliant--- she seemed as if she were a very sophisticated lady, and to have Lucius fall in 'love' with her was a very nice twist. I liked it when he didn't care about whether or not his fiancée dancing with his wife.
“Go, Lucius. And don’t let your father see you.”
I found this a bit odd, though, because it kind of just . . . stuck out to me. Why would Lucius' mother allow him to engage in something like that, when she knows that he has a fiancée? It just seems a bit bizarre to me that a mother would help her son do something like that--- but if she knows what Lucius thinks about love---Love was a word unknown to him, and one he had no interest in adding to his vocabulary. --- then she would have allowed him, but I could see it as . . . perhaps his friend, maybe, saying this?
I like how you used Lucius, someone we know so little about, and his characterisation was great as well. I really enjoyed reading him.
But I really adored this story, Anna. It was very description-filled and it had a lot of twists. Good work.
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Hi Lindsey, and thanks for this lovely review! I’m nearly brushing from all of your lovely praise.
In my version of the magical pure-blood society, adultery isn’t exactly something uncommon. Most marriages are arranged, and therefore it’s almost accepted – by some - for a witch or a wizard to find a bed-partner elsewhere. Lydia Malfoy, who cares immensely about her son and silently regrets that he’s to marry a woman that is, to her, boring, prejudiced and stuck-up, wouldn’t hesitate to encourage him to partake in some “innocent” philandering. He’s not married yet, after all, and Lydia thinks that he should take the chance to enjoy himself, to have a taste (no pun intended) of a real woman, before he should settle for Narcissa. Also, although I never think that Lydia even thought it out loud to herself, perhaps she was hoping that Lucius would fall head over heels for another woman and call off the arranged engagement completely.
Again, thanks for your review, dear!
Are you alliterating your chapter titles on purpose dear? Because if you are, that’s marvelous. I love alliteration. And if you aren’t, and it is some mad coincidence that your story title and first two chapter titles are all alliterated, you should pretend it was the plan all along and carry on with it.
An unforgiving light woke him up. *giggles* I interpreted this wrong at first, thinking “I wouldn’t forgive it either, if it woke me up.” But, obviously it is “unforgiving light” as opposed to “unforgivable light.” /completely pointless note that will hopefully at least bring Anna some amusment.
I’m approaching this review in a bit of a different sense than usual. Rather than combing through and simply bombarding you with random analyses, I want to comment on a few of the things that really stood out to me, for different reasons.
One is Auror Russel. He has more personality in his little finger than all of the MNFF Character Forum put together. I’m envious, rather, or perhaps regretful, that all the Aurors and officials in my stories are characteristically bland. Russel has a distinct characterization, and he stands out. You manage to create such strong impressions in your writing, in every aspect, from the atmosphere to the background characters.
Speaking of minor characters, the *ahem* disembodied voice of the jeering prisoner… he’s awfully knowledgeable of how to insult people by comparing them to dogs. I wonder why his thoughts were on that track. *cough*
I also wonder what it is you have to say about the prison system. Azkaban is painted very cynically. [I adore it and amuses me and it adds yet more entertainment value to the setting].
Lucius. *sigh* Lucius, Lucius, Lucius. He’s perfect, dear. I love the bit about him not being completely powerless. And just, his mannerisms. The coin is a fabulous touch. The sort of pride he eyes Lucas with when it recognizes his blood. I love that he says “our” ancestors, instead of “my”. And… the password is tiramisu. *facepalm* Dear, what am I to do with you?
Now, for what must be my favourite part of this chapter. He was no Legilimens, but well equipped with a different ability, so instead of prodding Lucius’ mind he sought out his heart. That is incredible, dear. I love it. Not in a “omg, love, *flails*” sort of way, but I am just in this… quiet awe of how beautiful an idea that is. It’s such an Anna thing to come up with. I would love to see this come up again later. Anywhere. In this story, in another story, just… oh, I must, it’s just… *sighs* I love it.
Now, I do believe there is another chapter on it’s way? O:-)
Author's Response: Alliterating my chapters on purpose, you say? You know, I wasn’t really, as in that I wasn’t going to force an alliteration if I couldn’t think of a good one, but it’s worked out well so far and I will stick with it if I can. =)
*giggles* I’m sorry to disappoint you my dearest, but I’m as clueless as you are about the true identity of the jeering prisoner. He just appeared, somehow. Maybe he’ll reveal himself to me later in the story, and if he does I promise I’ll share the information with you.
*now sniggers* Of course the password had to be tiramisu! What else? And I’m delighted that you approve of Lucius, seeing as my version of him is completely inspired by yours. He will be appearing again in V&V; in fact, I have a special father/son conversation planned, which I think you might enjoy.
I must confess that Lucas’ “ability” isn’t completely my own invention – I’ve borrowed it from an author called Jennifer Roberson, but I’m planning on using it quite differently from the way she does. And, *grins mysteriously*, it will come up again. In this story, and in another story – where it’s very important to the plot.
A new chapter is, as you have noticed, on its way. And now it’s even been submitted. ;) Thank you, preciousest, for this inspiring review.
Grace is fabulous, for the record. I love her. I just do. I actually.... didn’t love her as much in the last chapter as I do in this chapter. She’s just so independent and smart and logical, and I admire that in a person.
Lucius becomes so human for me in this story. He is young for the first part of this story, and I can feel that, but then you just continue to keep his ever-human heart beating. I feel that bittersweet feeling for he and Grace not being together, but I know why they aren’t. -sigh-
I’ll just comment on a couple of other things. First, what’s this ‘common Hufflepuff’ rubbish? Clearly Lucius has no idea what real Hufflepuffs are like. (Ed and Porter, for example, as well as Cedric. >>) Next, Abi and I have discussed before how exceedingly well you manage to cover all those years with just a few letters. It’s not at all tedious. It’s done perfectly. And then just... YAY LUCAS! And YAY ANNA WHO WRITES HIM!
Author's Response: *giggles* Thank you for such a lovely review, my precious Mar. I'm glad that you like Grace better in this chapter - she's a person who's rather hard on herself, and although she lived her life comfortably, it was often far from easy.
Hee. Well, you wouldn't have wanted me to write a Gary-Stu Lucius, would you know? He can't be perfect, and so he must get something wrong - like the characteristics of a true Hufflepuff.
Thanks again, dear! :D
and by the beginning of September premature frost had burned the leaves yellow and red. *sighs peacefully with admiration* Who writes that sort of thing? Dear, you are a Goddess of Description (and you leave us mere mortals with little to describe you, but I shall attempt).
I’m in a very tranquil mood, and so, I think it was a very good time to enjoy this chapter. I don’t know if I can quite put it into words, though.
We’ve now jumped another five years, and into a new point of view. Yet, everything still feels familiar. The writing and tone are consistent, we’re merely looking at the father instead of the son, and instead of him being just another original character who we have yet to get to know, we already know quite a bit about him.
I think that my favourite thing about Lucas, as a character, is how he feels in respect to “good and evil” and “right and wrong”. On one hand, he is unique in this characteristic. Most people go through life with fairly clear ideals in regards to what is moral, what is immoral, what crimes and sins they are willing to have on their conscience, etc; furthermore, most people are fairly quick to judge others based on these opinions, as well as form judgments about life, history, politics, and current events. I think, though, it’s not this actual characteristic that makes him different from the average person, so much as his awareness of his apathy, and resignation to it.
What mustn’t it feel like to be so wholly dedicated to a cause that you would willingly sacrifice your life for it? He could not imagine it, and most of the time he wasn’t interested in trying. This is very refreshing, and I think it’s what connects him to the reader. We are very used, in fan-fiction, and in most fantasy fiction, to reading about people who are willing to face death in the name of good or evil. To the point, maybe we’ve forgotten that that isn’t real life, and most of us never come anywhere near facing a decision like that. And, I believe, most people are quite glad of it. We all have our opinions about which side to be on, but a lot of it is – in my personal theory – steeped in superficiality. Lucas, because of a lack of connection outside his family, and his apparent lack of “importance” in the world, is just more aware of it.
And, to the point of this thorough, opinionated analysis, it is, as I said, refreshing, to read a character who lacks the black and white contrast of most HP/Fantasy Characters, in terms of which side of the war they are on. And in terms of having a life or death commitment to a cause.
By accident or fluke, some were overlooked. Some never found a Potions partner, a study group or a place in the Gobstones Club. This is very sad. A very simple line, but… very sad. And, just now, it reminded me a bit of Siobhan. Except… it’s different. Ish. But, yes.
It was not that he really minded the isolation. Things became much less complicated that way, … Well, I think this is annoying of him. Silly people thinking that lack of love and friendship is a plus because it also lacks complications. *shakes head* I shall chalk it up to a defense mechanism. *thinks Lucas should lose a wall or two*
Maximilian Malory appeared, changing the very atmosphere of the room with his presence. Oh, *applauds excellent description*. And that is a very fabulous power indeed. I think I also change the atmosphere with my presence. The entire room becomes cloaked in grumpiness.
Lucas accepted the rough proof of affection… I like that. Not a sign of affection, but proof of affection.
When Scrumpy returned with the food, he gently placed the glass of wine in Lucas’ unoccupied hand, knowing that his young master sometimes forgot about matters like food and drink when he got his nose stuck in a book. I absolutely LOVE this line.
“Herby don’t know them, sir. They is two men, and they wears black robes.” That’s certainly not something one would want to hear at that time of night in that political climate.
The atmosphere changes again, with Nott and Yaxley’s presence. And, I admit, it’s rather harrowing. I know their agenda, but I can still feel the fear in the room, and my mind raced with the possibilities – what if they want him to join the Death Eaters? Surely, he couldn’t say yes, but, surely, one doesn’t say no to such an invitation and get away with their life? Maybe he could pay them off. Contribute to the cause monetarily. – Yes, it’s that thought spinning an experience, to have two Death Eaters arrive at your home, that I could feel the tension, and that I just had to wonder…
…and knew that Lucius Malfoy’s oldest son had gotten the message. And that’s a fabulous way to end it. It’s rather symbolic, I think. How we went the whole chapter without a whisper of Lucius, and then at the end, recognized the fact. And, of course there’s no way the readers – or Lucas – could have forgotten, so it doesn’t come as a surprise. It’s merely that moment when someone in the room states what everyone knows to be the truth.
Aha. Soon I’ll have reviewed Chapter 2, and then you’ll be in trouble, won’t you, because I’ll need you to post the next chapter. Hehe.
Author's Response: Hee. I love this review. When you comment on my writing, it all makes so much sense! If only it could be like that in my head when I wrote it, I’m sure I could do a much better job. No, but seriously, your reviews make me aware of my own writing in a way I didn’t think was possible, resulting in feeble – but hopefully improving – attempts to consciously create things that might appeal to a reader.
I’m glad that you seem to like and be able to understand Lucas. Sometimes he’s so different from me that I have no idea how I even created him, and sometimes we’re so similar it’s like I’ve based his whole character on myself. And about the part you found annoying – I agree, very much, and a big part of this story will be to prove to Lucas that he is wrong, and how wonderful they can be, the things he thinks are unnecessary and complicating.
Thank you, Jenna. Your reviews give a whole new meaning to my writing. *hugs*
Apologies for not managing to review any of this story before now. Lucas is an exceptional character –– quite the OC! –– and the plot is brilliant and well thought out. Clearly you know exactly where you’re going with this, but you manage to make the scenes flow smoothly and realistically without getting caught up in plot-centric details. Brava!
I find it interesting how you begin both of the first two chapters (not counting the prologue) with a description of the natural environment followed by Lucas’ reaction to it: first the summer heat in the park, then the morning sunlight. Is it an accident, I wonder? Or is it an intentional trend that you will be continuing, perhaps to highlight different aspects of Lucas’ character and set the mood for each chapter? I rather like it, and the two openings mirror each other so fully in some respects that I really want to know if it’s intentional, despite the fact that there are only two of them.
I loved the symbolism of Lucas getting dirt and slime on his hands in the corridors at Azkaban, and when he got stuck in the cell. It made fit into the plot very well, and was an original idea for getting the visitor some time alone with the inmate (I’ve seen so many bad or overused explanations for it in fan fiction that it was almost overwhelmingly refreshing), but I like it best because of its symbolism. Foreshadowing of the story to come, perhaps?
The only bit I think you might have done better was the section where Lucas reaches out to Lucius with his heart. It makes sense, but I would have liked a clearer explanation of what exactly he was doing. You’ve invented a new and beautiful magical ability, and I’d like to see you explain it in more detail and with more depth. Though, perhaps you will return to it in later chapters? I hope so!
Thank you for writing such a lovely story, and also for finding the courage to share it with us. I’m certain I will enjoy the rest. *pickles with love*
Author's Response: Hi Lian, and thanks for your review!
I never intended for the beginnings of the first two chapters to be similar, but I’ glad you like it. And while I don’t want to restrict myself to begin all the following chapters in the same way, it’s quite possible that many of them will look like that, as I like to skip from one scene/time of the day to another between chapter breaks, and because the story is from Lucas’ point of view.
What was intentional, on the other hand, was how I introduced Lucas’ “ability”. It is something that I can’t really take credit for myself, as it was mostly inspired by the works of an author named Jennifer Roberson, but I’m planning on using it differently from how she does in her novels. In this chapter I only wanted to show a glimpse of it, without any in-depth explanation, hoping to intrigue my readers a bit. Lucas will be using it more frequently in the upcoming chapters, and I promise to give you a full explanation before the end of the story.
Thanks again for the review! =)
This wasn’t an easy chapter to pull off, dear. Spanning two decades, tying them together only with three letters and the recipients accompanying thoughts and reflections. But you did so marvelously, cleverly tying in canon to give the reader not only familiarity, but a good frame of reference. It helps make more sense of the time. You clear up a lot of questions that people might ask about how Lucas fits into the canon world, and why wouldn’t have come up in the books.
As for letters, perhaps it’s just me – I’ve always had difficult writing letters to anyone, never being quite sure what to say – and so, when I have to write a letter for a story, it can be a bit of a task. But, your letters are wonderfully written. Appropriate to the subject, to the writer, to the addressee. The tone and language is lovely, and the flow is so natural. And, the wonderful usage of correspondence makes me feel like I’m reading Pride & Prejudice. :)
But he will not be hidden away like something to be ashamed of, no, because after only nineteen days he is already making me proud. This line makes me very fond of Grace. In a way, it may be because she is just too proud a person to feel any other way, but I still find it endearing.
You can be proud of your actions, but don’t be a fool and brag about them. Telling my son that his father is a man of principles is one thing, having to confess that he is locked up in Azkaban is another. I also like this. Not that I agree entirely with her, of course, but I think it is a very good way of conveying a different view; so many people cover up any support of the “bad” side with mental imbalance and darkness and “evil”, but this seems like a very fair-minded point. It’s also sad that Lucius doesn’t quite heed her advice.
I also found it interesting that Grace chose to sign the letter with “Love”. It makes you wonder more about what sort of liaison they had. And what’s really going on with her feelings. Sort of like, a long, well composed letter of understanding, strength and independence, everything well disguised, but then the truth is given away with a single word at the end. Well, that’s my perception, at least.
You describe Lucius’ state of being very well after he reads the letter. I think it’s something that everyone has felt at some point – just a state of rather blank shock. And, bah, I feel like I’m just gushing and raving, but the way you start with the letter and lead straight into him putting the letter down on his desk, and just gazing off, you put the reader right there with Lucius. And the simplicity of him just putting down the letter, you can feel what he’s feeling, knowing what it is he’s just read.
I love the way you flashback on the relationship by tying it into the present. And, the way you include little details like, “Barely covered by silk sheets…”.
He had plenty of time to change his mind, to break off the engagement and offer apologies to anyone who might want them. Then he could propose to Grace instead. If he went to such lengths she was bound to accept, even if she had said she would not. I also love this. The sudden feeling of just wanting to get up and do something ridiculous, just because it’s what you want, but realising that it’s just not possible. I really like what it says about Lucius. He’s not cold, he’s merely hardened his heart. Chosen his duties over desires.
And, a carriage, for the Blacks? Where on earth did you come up with that? *coughs*
In the next section, I absolutely love how you bring in Lucius ‘real’ motives behind wanting Draco to go to Durmstrang. It’s fabulous. *applauds* And then, later, him thinking that Draco should really be a Hufflepuff. *snorts and giggles*
I don’t know what to say about the last letter and the thoughts that follow it. It is exactly as it should be, I think… solemn. It’s hard to tell what it is Lucius feels, or what he should feel. Aside from the two letters and the odd glimpse, Grace has not been in his life for the past twenty years, and the time they shared was short. But, there is still something there that makes Siobhan jealous. There is something very beautiful, I think. In whatever it is they shared in that time, and it is very sad, that it was something that was in the past and could not be relived or revisited.
And, I still enjoy how you continue to develop that part of Lucius, that wants. The part that wished he’d been informed in time to attend the funeral, but knows that it is better that he didn’t. The part that wants to claim Lucas, the part that wants to contact him. But, the path he chooses in preserving peace and dignity and appearance, for whatever reasons.
*applauds again*
Wonderful, dear.
Author's Response: *just grins stupidly* I have no idea what to say in response to this review, dearest. Except, of course, that you're being much too nice to me, and that you seem to know my mind and my story better than I do.
Thank you, thank you, älskling!
Even Lucius Malfoy was a virgin once. How fascinating.
*giggles*
Can you tell already that this review is going to severely lack criticism? Ah, well.
I shall start by applauding you for the lovely, descriptive introduction that most definitely does not mention weather. [Another author I know – coincidentally enough, she also writes Lucius Malfoy, as well as a red-headed OC or two -- very rarely manages to introduce a story without describing the weather. How utterly annoying.]
Speaking of Lucius and red-headed OC’s… “Lucius knew his father was still jealously guarding her from other men, a fact that never ceased to surprise him. He had no understanding whatsoever for such feelings. Sometimes, dear, I wonder if it’s my overactive imagination, or if perhaps you’ve based your Lucius an awful lot on another one, and have complete field days with dramatic irony. *grins* Whether it’s my imagination or not, it amuses me.
“but we cannot leave whoever it is standing outside, I guess.” *waits until Anna is not looking, then quickly removes the phrase “I guess” from Lucius’ dialogue.*
As for the Malorys, it wouldn’t matter if they were part troll, with the number of stuffed vaults they’re sitting on. *giggles* I do like Lydia. :D
“Bad luck and bad faith, yes.” It’s fabulous. I love that part. *flails*
He had never wanted to own another person before, no, he had always thought obedience and submission more important than mere ownership, but now he was filled with an all-consuming desire to possess the woman in front of him. I find this highly interesting. It makes perfect sense. In order to be truly possessive and domineering, I think one must first understand obedience and submission. There’s a lot of coming-of-age for Lucius in this chapter, and I think this transition for him is a very sensible one. He moves from being Abraxas and Lydia’s son, to becoming the man who will soon control the estate. I can actually relate to him, a little. I am, in certain situations, submissive; but when I am in a position of control, it rather consumes me. It is definitely possible to, at different points in time or life, be each side of the coin.
I also really like how you describe his PoV, once his lust for her starts to consume his attention. It’s like she become all that matters, the only person in the room. Perhaps confused with love by some; but it’s such a beautiful, raw, sensual state of enchantment to be in. *breathes it in* Oh, I do love how well you capture human feelings.
Seduction was a strange art to him, / line that I find highly amusing.
Or are we to risk a scandal behind one of your draperies?” Hee Hee Hee. And !!, I think I just had an idea. *cough*
And then of course, the end, I further adore Lydia Malfoy.
btw, it amuses me to know that Lucius’ swimmers are so successful on their first trip to a foreign land. *cough* Anyway. I love how you introduce the story with this part of the tale. For a few reasons. In a fan-fiction sense, it’s very good, because you’re addressing your readers interests. You start with a familiar character and familiar setting, instead of just starting with an OC. Which is what most people do (*coughs guiltily*). Also, it’s very interesting for Lucius’ character. We see him in the prologue young, just coming into his own. But, when we see him the later through Lucas’ PoV, over two decades later, he will be in a completely different place in life. He will have been married, he will have been the master of the Malfoy estate, he will have been a father, he will have gained his own power, and he will have lost it and been imprisoned (perhaps he will even have fallen in love with a mistress, who knows, this is all an assumption of course). And, it’s also nice to see where Lucas is coming from, especially since we won’t see Grace again, this is the only real chance to know what both of his parents were like.
Wonderful, dear. I almost wish Lucius weren’t here, and that this weren’t fan-fic, because it’s good enough to be an original, definitely. But, >.>, I don’t know. Lucius is rather nice to look at. So, perhaps we’ll just keep it here. Since you've already written so much, and all. *pats*
Author's Response: *giggles* Yes, I did hope that Siobhan would enjoy the part about the poor virgin Lucius.
Field days with dramatic irony? Based my Lucius on someone else's Lucius? Why, how could you ever accuse me of such things? *nearly suffocates from trying to hold back mad giggles*
And I thought you might like to know that Lucius little seamen weren't actually sucessful on their very first cruise - Lucius and Grace had quite a few cosy get-togethers during the late winter and early spring that year.
*grins* Thank you for your wonderful review, my love. I swear that I will continue trying to improve this story, so that one day it might be worthy of your attention. <3
Do I detect a sense of pride from Lucius, as if he finally did something right? Update soon.
Pease tell that now the plot thickens. I've been following this story and was wondering when you were going to get around the face off of father and son. Please dont take to long to update.
I got caught up by the title. You know your alliterations well.
And then by the story. But I'm not fooled. You're not only a writer, you're a painter. A few strokes here, some shadows there, voilà, a wonderful landscape.
Although, that's not enterely accurate, isn't it? I wouldn't suggest that your style is casual. Well, it is, at first glance. But the detail is so precisely handled, so suggestive and carefully delivered, that it's hard to believe it's there on a whim.
Yet you don't fall in the trap of exhaustiveness, in the sense that the human eye looking at your paintings will not see all there is to see without the help of the brain. You don't need to say, for instance, that Nott knows Lucas is Malfoy's son. You had already informed us that father and son resemble. And then, after an "intense gaze" at Lucas, "a knowing look" shows in Nott's face.
And your portraits are so convincing. I can't but love Lucas in his calm acceptance of his irrelevancy and when the calm is subtly lost (a hand gripping a glass, at a loss for words) when turmoil enters his life.
I've found it a lovely and thoughtful story. The only discordant note I was able to find was the use of "half-blood" in Lucius's lips when referring to Part-Veela instead of Part-Muggle. I guess it is a permissible license, but, shouldn't it be "half-breed"?
I'll follow your updates - you definitely go to my favorites.
Maxim.
Author's Response: Thank you for such a wonderful review, Maxim! I'm absolutely flattered by your praise, and I will definitely look into your very valid point about "half-bloods" vs "half-breeds". Again, thank you so much!
I really like this story a lot. I just discovered it today and I find this characterization of Lucius quite interesting!
Author's Response: I'm very glad that you like my interpretation of Lucius' character - even if it is a bit coloured by the works of TheVault. ;) Thank you for reviewing!
Anna! When I saw that you had a new story validated, I knew I had to read it. And wow, I was not disappointed! You have a beautiful way with words – you can paint images and scenes with your language and choice of words that are just as beautiful as your photography or banners. Each one seems tailor-made for its purpose.
I read this when it was first validated and made a mental note to review it for this review period, and here I am getting it done at the last minute. Coming back to this chapter after several weeks, I’m finding new emotions and realisations as I read. I’m falling for Lucius in a way I never have before, sympathising with him and with the way his life must inevitably end.
I love that the title of this chapter fits so wonderfully with the content! Three letters to Lucius and his emotional responses to them. The difference in tone from Grace’s first letter to the one eleven and a half years later says so much. What a great device – telling your readers what has transpired since then while Grace tells Lucius. It’s incredibly effective and extremely subtle – much less jarring than if you had simply listed the details as a narrative.
After the first letter, Lucius’s determination to keep his engagement to Narcissa might seem cold-hearted and maybe stupid, but it doesn’t at all! You explained his motives so very well. Not only does he have to keep up appearances, but Voldemort himself would question him. He’d have to face much more than just unforgiving family members. As a side note, however, I wonder if Voldemort had red eyes at that point in time. I’d thought that the red eyes were only in his “new” body, the one he received from bone, flesh, and blood in Goblet of Fire. Either way, I like how subtle your reference is to the Dark Lord.
And oh, after the second letter! The way Lucius still thinks about his son, the way he knew that he would be starting school soon, just makes him so much more human to me. I love your explanation for Lucius’s insistence that Draco attend Durmstrang – of course he would want that, given the circumstances. And Narcissa’s over-protectiveness makes sense given that she can’t have more children. Teeny, tiny details like these make your characters live and breathe for me, Anna. It’s just fabulous the way you’ve made me like such hateful characters. Even just telling this from Lucius’s point of view helps so much.
I noticed two typos in this section, right before the third letter. There’s a missing “a” in the word “education” in the last sentence of the second to last paragraph there. Also, “brake” was misspelled as “break”.
And wow, with just three letters, nearly twenty years have passed! Just amazing. Mr Malory’s letter is brilliant. His coldness toward Lucius, his love for his daughter, and his protectiveness for his grandchild – all while he passes on the news that Grace is dead. And ooh, I just shiver when I picture the encounter between Lucius and Lucas. Gah, I can’t wait to read about Lucas all grown up! He’s fascinating even in this brief cameo. And lol, poor Draco, “seemingly incapable of accomplishing anything” and perhaps “better suited as a common Hufflepuff.” Hee. That’s Draco, exactly. I love it!
*contented sigh* I absolutely adore your writing, Anna. Whether it’s reading your latest LJ entry or a fabulously constructed chapter such as this one, I always get such a comforting feeling. You have the gift of a storyteller, and you just draw your readers right into your world with you. You really are wonderfully talented. Bravo!
~ Abigail
Author's Response: Abigail, I don’t know what else to say, but THANK YOU for such a lovely review! Encouraging and helpful – I couldn’t have asked for anything more. *grins* And it made you fall for Lucius in a way you never have before, you say? *cough* You haven't read Sins of the Father then, have you? If you haven’t, I can really recomm – eh, what am I saying? If you haven’t, then you must. MUST! ;) Seriously though, I couldn’t deny that my interpretation of Lucius has been affected by Jenna’s story. Good point about Voldemort’s eyes – I shall have to have a look at that in the chapter and see if I can rewrite it somehow. I’m sure Voldemort was creepy enough even before his… eh, rebirth. Also, thank you for those typo corrections. I’ll take a look at those too. I’m just so happy that you like what I’ve written, if a little nervous if I’ll be able to live up to your expectations when you get to meet Lucas in the next chapter. The next chapter, which I submitted today… =)
Wow, this is absolutely amazing! I hadn't read your work before, but I will certainly be reading every one of them from now on. :) You have a great descriptive style; your imagery is vivid and detailed, but it doesn't drag at all. The whole chapter has a very smooth, easy flow to it, as you say a lot with a little. I particularly liked He turned his head slightly to the right and looked up at his father who was standing one step above him. That was a nice, subtle way to show the relationship between father and son, especially with the line further down about Lucius's childish pleasure. I also loved He carefully avoided the ballroom, not knowing yet if Narcissa Black shared his opinion on relationships, or if she was inclined to agree with his father. Lovely, sly terms to put that into; I think that was my favourite line.
I was really impressed by the characterizations. I don’t read much about Slytherin characters, so they still have the “evil” stigma to me, but all your characters were well-rounded. Lucius had a nice mix of inferiority beside his father, with the implicit superiority of his standing and pride in his ball. Abraxas was appropriately cool and imposing, yet he still showed some fatherly pride and respect for his son. And Lydia was so kind and helpful in explaining the “correct” prejudices to Lucius. The whole family felt very real; neither overtly villainous nor too sympathetic, which I thought was well done. And as for Grace… wow. Smoking hot without being at all cartoonish. I loved her casual dismissal of marriage and the way she seduced Lucius with perfect aplomb. Plus, She thanked him not with words, but with the sight of her lips touching the silver. That was simply delicious!
I tried really hard to find something to criticize so this wouldn’t just be a gush-fest, but all I found was but Abraxas has already stepped forth, in which the “has” should be “had,” and youngest of the Black sister, where “sister” should be plural. Plus, there were a few sentences where I thought a semicolon should go instead of a comma, but that could be stylistic. And that was really it, the rest is really flawless. Congrats on a wonderful beginning; I hope there’s a lot more!
Author's Response: :D
Thank you so much for this lovely review, BC! I’m really happy that you chose to review my new story (well, newly posted, it’s been sitting on my hard drive long enough), because I’ve been a bit hesitant whether I should even post more of it or not. But your review helped convince me that I should.
Also, thank you for picking up on those typo mistakes. I will go and see to them at once. As for the rest of your review… *blushes* Just… thank you! I submitted the first real chapter (as opposed to the two parts of the prologue) tonight, so hopefully it’ll be up soon and you can read it if you so wish. =)
Well, I for one would say this: for a parent to be ashamed of son who didnt quite live up to his expectations is so old money!! You have to wonder if Lucius wasn't temped to now find his eldest son. My question is, if so much effort was placed to keep him away from the Malfoy's and their "frienfs", how and when will he be forced to make any kind of choice about the war?
Author's Response: To begin with - thank you for taking a moment to review! And, yes, Lucius Malfoy is very curious about his oldest son, but he's not a stupid man. Being a Death Eater and all, he finds that it's easiest to keep the other parts of his life as uncomplicated as possible. Also, at this point he is still a very respected wizard of the magical society, and people finding out about an illegitimate would not be so good for his reputation. And Lucas, well, will he be forced to make a choice? What if he refuses? In the next chapter, which takes place after the end of HBP, you will finally get to meet him in person. :) Again, thanks for reviewing!
Good heavens. I certainly didn't expect to be review number two on this story. I assuumed all other SPEWers would clamor to get reviews written for your wonderful writing. I actually feel a bit smug about reviewing your lovely story before the masses. Is that allowed?
>>
Though there isn't much to say in the way of concrit. Except that maybe you need to write more, and you punish the world by not giving us more of your fiction to read. You have such a gift with descriptions. You set a complete scene, yet you don't explain everything. The way you do this is in your ability to give the reader just enough framework so that they can complete the image in vivid detail in their own mind.
The atmosphere you've created for this wizarding society is so lush, even though, again, you don't explain it in detail. You hint at it, coloring a bit here and there - noting Lucius' thoughts about his father's feelings for his mother, questioning about the Veela blood and giving the direct answer. And !!! You mentioned the handsome Orion Black. I do love him. That's allowed, right? Because I would possibly fall into bed with him if Regulus didn't exist. Minus the possibly. Gah, this isn't relevant to your story. -makes it relevant- I like that you have more than just a few characters, you note the background, which makes it all the more real for the reader, drawing them right into that party.
Seeing Lucius at a bit of a loss of tact was so interesting. I don't know if that's the best way to word it. I guess it's more that he's just in awe and wonderment over this mysterious woman. It was so interesting to watch their interactions. Grace is a terrific character. I love her pull on Lucius. I want to know more about her.
I'm also very intrigued by Lucius' mother's hand in the Lucius/Grace tryst. I'm waiting anxiously for more of this story. I know you've been working on the Lucas story for....bascially the entire year that I've known you now. It's so great to see it actually come to life as a reader. This chapter was so well put together, I simply can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Hee. Yes, dear, being smug is allowed. Loving Orion Black is also allowed, if a little naughty. But hey, I’m all for naughty.
And, >.>, you want to know more about Grace Malory? *clears throat* I shall have to write a one-shot or two then. <.<
*reads through Mar’s review again* I really don’t know what else to say, except that you are being way too nice to me and making me blush repeatedly. Thank you!
My dearest Anna, forgive me, but I need to take one tiny moment to joyously claim: ‘First Review!’ Normally I don’t rejoice over those things – but I enjoyed this piece so much, and I have a feeling it is going to grow into something lovely, and therefore I just couldn’t help myself. *impish grin*
First of all, just let me say that was a-maz-ing. You are such a fabulous writer, and you have never failed to deliver in the short number of stories you have actually allowed us common people to read. Your words paint such a vibrant picture that it’s hard not to topple head-first into the world you’re portraying. In this case, a very … shall we say, heated one? Oh, I do think so.
“Bad luck and bad faith, yes.” Some powerful words come from your powerful character, who I must admit to being quite drawn to – though perhaps in a different way than Mr Lucius Malfoy, hmm? She certainly seems to have some intoxicating qualities about her, and I do love the almost … indifferent way she has already begun to pluck at young Malfoy’s heartstrings. I also found it funny that Lucius commented on their similar names, as I noticed it right away when after the Malory’s were introduced. Perhaps great minds think alike, after all? Ha ha.
Quite possibly my favourite part is when Lucius asks if Grace is in search of a husband, and she so deviously returns that, ‘On my own I am whomever I choose to be, while as some man’s wife I would never reach further than he did.’ I love this not only because it’s just a great reply, but also because it gives some good insight on the values and goals of this character. Plus, her confidence is simply astounding.
As far as nit-picking goes, I came up short-handed. Only in one sentence did I find anything worth noting.The man had a quite extraordinary built and aura about him, and was the kind person Abraxas would almost allow to show interest in his precious wife.’ I was a bit confused as to whether you meant to say ‘build’ rather than ‘built’, and also, if you meant to place the word ‘of’ in between ‘kind person’. Other than those instances, though, I was at a loss of criticism to give. There is, quite honestly, nothing else I would change about this. The mood is captivating, the setting – stunning – and you do the characters justice and beyond.
That being said, I expect more – and soon! Seeing as your introduction mentions someone by the name of Lucas Malory, I can only assume that the business that goes on in Lucius’s chamber (gaspshockdie!) – which may or may not have resulted in said illegitimate son – is merely the prelude to the bulk of your story. So expect me to be sitting here, impatiently awaiting the bulk. ‘Bring on the bulk!’ as I always say. Fabulous, intoxicating Anna!Bulk. ;)
Author's Response: *giggle* First review, yay! And what a review - *blushes*
I fixed the silly mistake right away – I keep doing things like that when I edit my own stories, so it’s a good thing that there is a Beckham out there to correct me. :)
I’m so glad that you liked Grace. Even if she personally only plays a small part in this whole story, she is very important to her son, and it was a challenge for me to establish her character in this first part of the prologue. And Lucius, hee. In his defence, I must admit that Grace did turn on some of her Veela powers; she wanted him, she was going to have him, so why not make it as easy as possible for herself? I did enjoy writing insecure!Lucius, because he is such a contrast to my favourite version of him, which, of course, is the über-confident!Lucius of Sins of the Father.
The second part of the prologue is up as I type this, and I’m planning on submitting the first real chapter (which is set after the end of HBP and where you finally get to meet Lucas). I hope you will enjoy it, and thank you SO MUCH for the fantabulous, blush-inducing review! *hugs!*