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Okay, so two things before I actually start reading...
I think it a horrid shame that we don't know each other better. I rather enjoyed reading your bio and found you quite interesting. I had no idea you were deaf! But I find that fantastic, because it's so amazing what a computer can do in equalizing everyone. I myself am blind so I understand how liberating it can be to be among friends who wouldn't know if I didn't tell them. Anyway, I think you are fantastic, and I need to hunt you down on AIM sometime soon I've decided.
My other comment is the reason why I picked this story to read. First of all, it only had 2 reviews, which in itself is sad. But you had 3 chapters with only 2 reviews total. Some of the BEST authors around here I've found are people who write for themselves, not for reviews. When a person is willing to continue to write and post chapters even when they haven't gotten much of a response is a mark of a true writer. Good for you!!
And so, I move on. I tend to comment as I read so I don't forget at the end. So prepare yourself for some pointless, I'm sure, rambling!
I love the intro. I'm still not sure where this all lies in the grand scheme of things, but the introduction of the diary is fascinating, ominous. I liked the description of the cardboard box all chained up and how easily he accessed it. I can't wait to see what treasures and turmoil it contains...
I loved the mention of the Brownie. Not a lot of people know about them in our day of digital wonderment. Excellent detail. And although I think maybe Dennis' language is a bit too profound for nine (as Colin was 11 in '92 and Dennis was 2 years behind him) I liked the misspelled words.
Okay, well I see where the story got its name now. I like how Dennis is recording the events, obviously, up until Colin goes to Hogwarts. I love the idea and the story he's telling his diary (Jim- precious). But his language is sort of off. He seems to kind of have a Southern accent with lots of 'cos and adjective use mixed in with the British terms "bugger" and so forth. But it's too mature for his age. Kids won't mention "anatomy", "jowls" or "blood rushing in their ears". They'll say stuff like "Farrows was yelling mean stuff about my brother" or "I was so mad I wanted to punch him." I love the story that Dennis is telling, but HOW he's telling it is too poetic for coming from a 9 year old in first person.
Although I liked how you had him call Colin "ezzentric" because he'd heard that word being used just that day. Kids will use words that they've just learned, but often incorrectly so that was fun.
So overall, I love the premise here (have I said that enough yet?) but the speech patterns could use some work. Specifically the accent and word choice.
You have a brilliant sense of story-telling. The narration is imaginative and fun to read. The spelling errors are great, there should probably be more, but that goes along with my comment about the language being too mature for a 9 year old.
Otherwise you have me totally hooked. I can't wait to see what you have in store for us next.
*hug*
Amanda
Author's Response: I think you are the fantastic one, my dear Amanda. If you didn't tell me, I wouldn't have even the least inkling! You're very blessed. *hugs* But still, aren't we all? Some just don't realise it, right?Thank you for the rambling. Not pointless at all. You more than made up for this story's lack of reviews already, thank you so much!
On Dennis' language... again, thank you for commenting on that. I'm afraid my only input regarding kids' language is through books, and most kids in books are rather like this, have you noticed? They tend to imitate adults' conversation ticks. The Creevey brothers are rather attached to their family unit rather than to their peers, so I didn't bother having my brother and sister give me a transcript of their everyday dialogues (And they do oblige me on that score at times. They like typing...). As for the accent and word choice, I'm foreign, so forgive me on these. If I want these parts polished, maybe I'll ask you or someone else just as sharp to beta it for me. ^_^*hugs back*
Joanna
*sniff* pooor colin!! good story!!