Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 04/03/13 5:00 · For: fred

Jaw gaping open.



INCREDIBLE



I shall try and compose myself here. I'm trying to work out what I'm most impressed with here. The change in styles, I suppose. The very beginning had me intrigued, the larger middle section when they're THE TWINS up to no good had me cheering, the segway to the Battle had me on the edge and half-praying you'd commit the cardinal sin of going AU to save a character, and then finally the end. The Death. Oh dear, tears welling - honestly.

I'm sorry, I'm really not very good at reviews because I type without thinking properly, but this is brilliant. You have managed to craft a story that uses elegance of style and wit to create a fiction that really is worth all praise, applause and cheers that can be pelted onto it.

I forgot to mention in the review for the previous chapter, that I liked the different voices you used for characters like Lee Jordan, for instance, because so many people write dialogue in the same way for everyone, so they all sound the same. But Lee had a different manner of speaking that suited him.

I'll stop waffling now. :D ~Carole~

Author's Response: mmmmmmmppphhhhffmmmmmmm just thinking about how to respond to this review without being too silly asjdghlhljljljjklljk

oh, so so happy you liked the stylistic changes. but ah, I'll be a bit honest here, but this is going to change because of the latest chapter I wrote, now in the queue, and I'll have to tone things down a little here to make the narrative a bit more consistent. Also, I'll have to rewrite the whole thing. This story is kinda under renovation, even as it is being written because well, I've never attempted anything like this :P And I'm generally bad at planning something so experimental out :) That being said, I will of course try to keep certain elements of this chapter! certain stylistic elements :) I'm quite fond of the space thing.

And...your words "a fiction that really is worth all praise, applause and cheers that can be pelted onto it" just turned my brain to porridge and now I'm a zombie who got overpraised :O OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH. *teary*

gaaaah I hope you'll continue to like the story as I post more chapters up (at a rather slow rate :P since I get way too distracted by one-shot ideas :P)

teh

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 04/03/13 4:49 · For: dust

This is fantastic. You have created so many powerful images in this first chapter. So powerful, that I really think I'm there, which is ridiculous because it's a book and I'm not magic (sadly).

They were an ugly sort of tears – the kind that leak down your face in shapeless trails and some of them slide off the backs of your eyeballs and down your throat, choking you.

This blew me away. Tears falling, people choked by grief is a common occurance in battle fics, but this image felt so very real.

Excellent start. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Hello Carole :D

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

Thank you so so so much for this wonderful review :) I'm so happy you liked this chapter and the voices in it. It's such a compliment, especially when readers notice characters in the background e.g. Lee Jordan. I'm glad you thought there was variation in the voices :D It really means heaps to me, as this is my first HP fanfic, well, first fanfic in years and years and years, actually :D

I'm so happy you enjoyed this!

teh

Name: the opaleye (Signed) · Date: 03/31/13 8:10 · For: fred

Wow. I love Fred's voice in this. The detached beginning is a perfect way to start before going back to his earthly experiences. As I said, I love Fred's voice because it feels so right. There is something quite matter of fact about it but light, which is odd because we know what is coming, we know he is already dead - the whole chapter is weighted by this knowledge and yet we have Fred talking about one of his and George's many rebellious moments as if he's still there and as if there is the possibility for more mischief.

And then the ending. The way you retell the scene that we see in the book from Harry's perspective is just so so poignant. You retain that same voice while tying it back to the otherworldly beginning of the chapter. I love the way you structured it and I love the final two lines.

I am being very inarticulate tonight, sorry.

This fic is amazing.

Author's Response: Aww...thanks so much for another absolutely lovely review! aljsdhljafshll I'm probably going to get all silly and teary again kjfa;slkjgphoi[ogjm/....Fred is giving me a bit of grief to write, and I'm so so glad you thought his voice was consistent throughout all the structural mayhem of this chapter :) I'm actually planning to rewrite this chapter to make it a little more consistent (stylistically and in terms of narrative voice) with Chapter 4, which is now in the queue :D

But thank you once again for your two utterly wonderful and completely unexpected reviews!

Name: the opaleye (Signed) · Date: 03/31/13 8:00 · For: dust

Your writing is beautiful. You have such a command over words and characters. Like you captured Merope in 'Growth' I feel like you have truly captured George in this. I have a lot of trouble reading fics which deal with death and grief because while I find them compelling for various reasons (and write them myself) I find myself disappointed half the time because they can be so trite and forced. This fic made my heart ache with its authenticity. This line in particular made me pause at its succinct description of the guilt that comes to those who are left behind: I might have clapped my palm over his mouth – I might have forced that last breath back in.

Breathtaking.

Author's Response: Julia, that's such an amazing compliment I don't even T_T (I'm not really sad, just a little teary at all the praise :P ) It really means a lot, coming from you; I really love /your/ writing, especially since coming across that zombie fic of yours :)

And I know what you mean about reading grief and character death fics. Things like these are not always handled sensitively enough and there's always the potential for things to get a bit overly sentimental and dramatic. I'm so glad you enjoyed this and did not find it trite, forced, or sentimental :D Thanks again *hugs*

teh

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 11/19/12 7:52 · For: to grieve

I found this quite disturbing to read. Different.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

Name: goldensnidget92 (Signed) · Date: 11/05/12 19:58 · For: dust

Words don’t do enough to express the beauty of this story. If I could take your words, fill my brain with them and swim in them for the rest of my life, I would be happy. Seriously, this has got to be the best story I’ve read on this website. Your command of language is exquisite and your grasp of the connection between Fred and George is perfect and poignant.

For me, Fred’s death is by far the most upsetting out of the many deaths throughout the series, and tears were welling in my eyes before I’d even started reading this. However, I loved the way that you focused on the pain and loss of Fred’s death in the first chapter and balanced it out in the second by providing us with Fred’s memory. Although it was tinged with death, it gave us a positive image of the two together after just having seen a broken George, and this created a nostalgic tone which in a way softened the blow of his death.

Injecting humour in parentheses, for example “(During our time in Hogwarts we had a seven-year action plan called the ‘Aggravate Argus Filch Arrangement’)”, helped to lighten the tone, and of course kept Fred in character. I loved the tiny details you inserted into his recollections: the way they “meant to grow into tottering old men with long waist-length beards like Dumbledore’s, which we’d loop and knot round our robes like sashes” brought Fred alive in my mind and added to the quality of the story.

Your portrayal of Fred and George was uncannily perfect. I think the line, “Fred is dead and I am George. George is gone and I am Fred. Forge George. Dead Fred” excellently highlighted the interchangeable nature of the two of them, and the moment when Lee mistakes George for Fred and George pretends to be him was both heart-breaking and completely believable. When he begins to “blink with Fred’s eyes,” you really evoked the utter desolation George feels, and I found it incredibly touching. Likewise, Fred’s slightly more uplifting portrayal never wavers from character. I particularly loved his direct narration to the audience: how he says, “or whatever, y’know”, and addresses his relationship with us. It keeps the informality of his personality, and yet doesn’t jar with the beauty of the language.

Incidentally, the language used in this was astoundingly wonderful. I would quote the entire thing back to you, but I think you’d get the point quite quickly! You had such an original way of describing things, for example the “chuffing syllable of my name sat like a fat slug on my tongue”, Umbridge’s words being made of “suds of pink lipstick”, and how the twins used to hang onto “the underhanded edge of lightness”. Some of these passages were so profoundly beautiful that I had to stop and admire them. Yet they weren’t like those heavy metaphors that take you out of a narrative as you try to work out their relevance: they merely suspended you in the air for a moment before continuing to whisk you further off into the story.

A lot of the language was very evocative: the simple sentence, “Hogwarts was all torn up” seemed to me powerful because it reflected George’s feelings. The fact that you left it there and didn’t over-analyse it made it far more effective. The use of repetition also served to emphasise George’s breakdown. When he says “and the dust and the dust and the dust”, it feels as though he’s stuck on it, that he can’t break through this minor observation. As though he doesn’t want to see what’s beyond the dust because he knows what’s coming.

My effusions of love for this story could allow me to write an essay on it. Instead, I’ll just say that I think you’re an incredible writer. Your language is intensely wonderful and this story was moving, humorous, intelligent and thought-provoking. I can’t wait to see what else you write.

Author's Response: Oh my god :D I leave this site for several days and feel disheartened about the way my story is going and so I rewrite my first chapter and then I come back to post an updated version...and I see this wonderful review! Thank you! Thank you so much :D You've no idea how much your lovely words meant to me! I'm so glad you like the characterisation of Fred and George. It's one of my biggest concerns because they're so hard to pin down as characters! In the books they're always joking and their two-ness makes them appear to be pretty much invulnerable. I keep hoping that the way I write them sounds believable without being too melodramatic. George must have felt incredibly devastated with Fred's death but the books don't show any of his reactions. Fred's death was really sad for me, too. I kept re-reading that part over and over again, just looking for more, looking for some sort of well...I dunno...some sort of consolation or closure that Rowling might have left behind for her readers. But of course there was none. You mentioned liking certain phrases which I use e.g. "and the dust and the dust etc." Unfortunately I removed that from my fic (a reader told me the repetition was a bit melodramatic and feminine). Anyway, I pretty much rewrote most of the first chapter and hopefully it sounds even better and more George-like now :D Also, thank you so so much once again for your amazing review and feedback! I hope you continue to read this story; I am currently editing my third chapter :D You've completely made my night!!!

Name: kheldar (Signed) · Date: 10/23/12 14:56 · For: dust

Really interesting! This is an almost poetic exploration of George's emotional state in the aftermath. Can't wait to read the rest.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm hoping this story will actually go somewhere! I'm planning things out and I'll be uploading the next chapter soon =) Thanks again.

Name: Dad (Signed) · Date: 10/23/12 5:00 · For: dust

Interesting and emotional.

Author's Response: thank you so much for reading!