Summary: In Remus Lupin's fifth year at Hogwarts, his devoted friends finally master the complex Animagus spell, beginning the adventures they will remember for the rest of their lives. But Remus must also face prejudice in the rising war, a test of loyalty versus love, and the danger of his dark secret being revealed.
Pet Peeve Disclaimer: Peter is not worthless, Lily does not have three friends who fall for the Marauders, and no one calls Remus "Remy."
Categories: Marauder Era Characters: None
Warnings: Violence
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 9
Completed: No
Word count: 39588
Read: 32534
Published: 02/14/05
Updated: 04/27/07
1. Reunion by BlackClaude
2. A Cry in the Dark by BlackClaude
3. Home Sweet Home by BlackClaude
4. Lady of Spain by BlackClaude
5. Fear by BlackClaude
6. The Arrival of Padfoot by BlackClaude
7. Confrontation by BlackClaude
8. The Moonlit Battle by BlackClaude
9. The Light of Day by BlackClaude
A joyous din filled the corridors of the Hogwarts Express. Excited greetings and laughter rang out while owls hooted irritably in their jostled cages. As more students boarded, the volume grew even louder. The train was due to depart shortly, and the carriages were filling fast. One carriage, however, remained empty except for a solitary young man slumped in the corner. His head rested limply against the window, his light brown hair obscuring his closed eyes. The sorrow etched into his ashen face belied his fifteen years. The full moon would rise that night, and Remus Lupin appeared all but dead.
A sharp rapping next to his head startled Remus out of his sleep. Outside on the platform, Sirius Black was knocking on the window, a wide grin stretched across his handsome face. Behind him, James Potter was lugging a trunk and waving energetically with his free hand. Remus smiled weakly and whispered, “Hi.” His two friends headed onto the train and Remus settled back into his seat. A warm glow of happiness filled his weary body. I’m going home, he thought. The hell of the past two months seemed far away now. No more would he have to endure his fearful neighbors, the utter isolation, or the heavy chains that bound him every month. No more would he suffer the endless onslaught of experimental cures, each of which his mother sobbingly referred to as “his last chance.” Remus felt like he was waking from a long nightmare.
James and Sirius burst inside. “Hey, Remus!” they cried and bounded onto the seats next to him.
“About time you guys showed up,” Remus grinned. A spark of life returned to his pallid face.
“You look like hell,” said James cheerfully. “It’s soon then, is it?”
“Tonight,” sighed Remus bitterly. “How’s that for timing? Going to miss the Sorting, the feast and everything.”
“Don’t you worry, mate, we’ll provide for you,” promised Sirius, reclining in his seat. “We’ll sneak into the kitchen and bring half of it back.”
“Something tells me you would have done that anyway,” said Remus, smiling.
The train’s engine slowly came to life and the corridors emptied as students quickly found carriages. Two pretty Ravenclaw girls walked past their door and glanced inside. They both started tittering madly.
“Hi, Sirius!” sang out one of the girls, while the other blushed feverishly and elbowed her friend. Sirius grinned cockily at them and winked. They dissolved into a wild giggling fit and skipped down the hall. Sirius laughed; James snorted. The train lurched below them and slowly began rolling forward.
“Hey, where’s Peter?” Remus asked, concerned.
As if on cue, Peter Pettigrew appeared in the doorway, smirking. He clasped his hands over his heart, sank to his knees and sang in a high pitched voice, “Hi, Sirius!” Then he fell into a swoon at Sirius’s feet and flung his hand dramatically to his forehead. “Oh, he’s such a dream,” Peter sighed. James kicked him.
“Good lord, don’t encourage him!” said James, exasperated. “That’s the last thing he needs!”
Sirius casually crossed his arms behind his head and put his feet up on the seat in front of him. “Your jealousy truly saddens me,” he sighed.
Peter laughed and stood up, pushing Sirius’s feet away to claim the seat. The train picked up speed and the green countryside flew past their window.
“Whew, I almost didn’t make it!” exclaimed Peter breathlessly, rubbing his rib where James had kicked him. “My brother turned my books invisible and it took me all morning to find them. Stupid git… Hey Remus, what’s up? You look bloody awful.”
“Right back at ya,” Remus replied. “So was your brother still angry about Sirius sabotaging his broomstick?”
“Oh yeah,” said Peter happily. “He’s not going to forget that for a long time.”
Sirius snickered. “My greatest feat,” he said proudly. “You should have seen the look on his face when it wrote Keep your fat arse off me! in the sky. And it stayed up there for hours!”
James and Peter laughed at the memory, and Remus felt a pang of envy. “I wish I’d been allowed to visit this summer,” he sighed. “I hate missing out on everything when I’m stuck in that damned place.”
“We wanted you there, too,” said James apologetically. “We’ve got to get you out of there next summer! You could stay with me; my mother would understand.”
“Right,” said Peter sarcastically. “You’d just say, ‘Hey Mum, can my friend stay with us? He’s a perfect gentleman, but we’ll have to lock up the breakables every full m”’ Ow! What?”
Peter was cut off by James kicking him again. Sirius nodded impatiently at the open door and Peter gasped, “Oops!” He hopped up to close it.
“Anyway, Remus,” continued James, “even as a werewolf, you’re only half as destructive as Sirius, and he was over all the time. Even when he almost blew our house up practicing hexes, my mum still couldn’t get enough of him.” In a high voice, he mimicked, “Oh James, why can’t you be more like your friend Sirius? Such a charming, well-mannered young gentleman!” Peter laughed scornfully.
“What can I say? I’ve got a way with the ladies,” shrugged Sirius.
Remus smiled quietly, but he was concerned about what James had said. He knew that there had been trouble in the Black household before, and it didn’t sound like the situation had improved. “So Sirius,” he asked carefully, “I guess you didn’t spend much time at home this summer, then?”
Sirius’s expression darkened instantly. “No, life at home became just a bit too unbearable,” he said bitterly. Remus glanced questioningly at James.
“Well, there was a bit of a row,” explained James delicately.
“Ha!” Sirius barked. “Yeah, you could call it that. They had the goddamn nerve to lecture me about honor! Honor! Apparently I’m a disgrace to the family because I associate with half-bloods! That’s rich, isn’t it? Of all the disgusting, depraved bastards I’m related to, I’m the disgrace! Oh, and let’s not forget ‘an embarrassment to true wizarding families everywhere, and undeserving of the meager powers I pathetically wield.’” There was a momentary silence, broken only by Sirius exhaling vehemently.
“Ok, a big row,” said James, trying to lighten the mood. Sirius stood up forcefully and began pacing.
“You're damn right it was,” he said with a malicious smile. “Especially when I gave them a taste of my meager powers on my way out. Regulus has a lovely scar to remember me by now.”
Remus’s mouth dropped open. “You attacked your own family?” he said disbelievingly.
“Weren’t you listening? They’re not my family!” Sirius shouted. “They don’t want me! I’m not good enough, not pure enough, not “honorable” enough! It’s bullshit! And I swear if I spend one more minute in that house, I’ll go as psychotic as the rest of them!”
Sirius’s eyes blazed furiously. He glared around he carriage as if daring someone to argue with him. Remus watched Sirius uneasily; sometimes his friend’s temper frightened him.
“I’m sorry I brought it up, Sirius,” he said quietly.
“And you know you’re always welcome at my place, mate,” James offered.
“Yeah,” said Peter timidly. “His mum already loves you, doesn’t she?”
Sirius looked as if he wanted to yell some more, but was disappointed that no one was giving him the opportunity. He turned towards the door and fumed at the witch with the food trolley down the hall. James stood up and approached Sirius.
“Forget them,” he said gently. “You’ve got almost a whole year without them now. And by the end, you’ll be able to transform into some wild animal and maul them all.” A slight smile lit up Sirius’s clouded face.
“Come on,” James said more cheerfully. “Let’s get some snacks from the trolley. Look at poor Remus; he’ll be dead before we reach Hogwarts if we don’t get him some chocolate.”
“All right,” Sirius agreed. He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. At that moment, Severus Snape slouched past, his head hung low so as to avoid eye contact with anyone. He looked up briefly when Sirius opened the door, and then dropped his head again quickly with a sour look. Sirius narrowed his eyes and grinned evilly as he watched Severus pass. “But first, I’m going to play with the pure-bloods, like a good Black,” he said through gritted teeth and pulled out his wand.
Remus looked up, alarmed. Sirius had always hated Severus, but usually just avoided him. There was something frightening in his eyes this time, though. Ignoring the protests of his exhausted body, Remus stood up and followed Sirius into the hallway, steadying himself on the wall.
“Sirius,” he said warningly, but Sirius waved for him to be quiet.
“Don’t worry, Remus. You’ll get your chocolate in a minute.”
James stepped into the hall beside Sirius, looking eager for action. Peter stayed behind Remus out of harm’s way, but he too grinned expectantly. As Severus passed the food trolley, Sirius pointed his wand and quietly hissed, “Wingardium leviosa!” A jug flew into the air and hit Severus on the side of the head, drenching him in pumpkin juice. Severus cried out in surprise and pain. His lank hair clung to the side of his face, dripping sticky juice onto the floor.
“You really should watch where you’re going, Snivellus,” Sirius announced loudly, slipping his wand behind him. “Try keeping that nasty hair out of your eyes next time.”
James laughed, along with most of the people in the hall. The trolley witch turned around sharply and saw Severus covered in juice. “Really!” she exclaimed with irritation. “Please watch the cart!” Severus whirled around and glared at Sirius with a mixture of rage and confusion. Remus couldn’t blame him; he was disturbed by the unprovoked attack, too. Severus pulled out his wand, and the students around the cart all took a step back.
“How dare you, you cowardly little””
“Expelliarmus!” James shouted and Severus’s wand flew out of his hand. “Don’t blame Sirius for your clumsiness, Snivellus. Now go wash out your hair; it’ll be good for it.”
Severus was white with fury, but he wavered uncertainly. He seemed hesitant to take on both James and Sirius at the same time. The trolley witch saved him from making the decision by jumping into the middle. She flung out her arms and faced Sirius angrily.
“You, into your carriage! And you, that way!” she shrieked at Severus, pointing down the hall. “One more outburst and you’ll be walking the rest of the way to Hogwarts!”
Severus shot one last deadly glare at Sirius and stormed down the hall, retrieving his fallen wand. James snickered under his breath watching him leave.
“I’m very sorry for the disruption, ma’am,” said Sirius politely. “But before I go back, might I buy some chocolate frogs for my poor, sick friend?” He held out a handful of coins with an angelic look on his face and gestured toward Remus. Remus looked down at the ground; uncomfortably aware of everyone’s eyes on him. The witch glared at Sirius, but took the coins and thrust the frogs into his hands.
“Now go,” she said firmly.
“Thank you very kindly.” Sirius bowed and swaggered back down the hall with James.
The crowd parted to let them through, everyone giggling and talking excitedly. They both clearly enjoyed the attention; Sirius was grinning cheerfully without a trace of his previous anger. Remus ignored them when they came back to the carriage congratulating each other. Instead, he looked down the hall where Severus had disappeared and wondered darkly if Sirius realized the irony of fighting hatred with hatred. Or if he felt the least bit sadistic deriving pleasure from abuse. Remus shook his head. He was overreacting; Sirius had just suffered through a summer even worse than his own. He may have gotten a little out of hand, but he wasn’t a cruel person. If it happens again, then I’ll confront him, Remus thought. Next time…
Remus’s head began to throb. His fatigue, forgotten during the fight, was now returning with a vengeance. He stepped back inside the carriage where his friends were chatting happily. Sirius deposited the whole pile of chocolate frogs into Remus’s hands as he entered.
“There you are!” he said proudly. “Hey, did you see the look on Snape’s face? Wasn’t that brilliant?”
Remus sank into his seat and rested his forehead against the window. The cool glass soothed the pain that was flaring in his head. He watched the trees fly by outside and merge into one green blur. “Brilliant,” he said quietly.
A Cry in the Dark by BlackClaude
Remus dreamed of Hogwarts again. He was stepping outside of the castle when he spotted a girl walking towards the Whomping Willow. He tried to call out to her, to warn her to stay away, but his voice only came out in a hoarse whisper. The tree unfurled its branches predatorily and its roots spread open to reveal a dark cavern. She walked faster now, intent to see what was inside. Remus ran after her; he had to protect her, but she slipped farther away with every step he took. Evil yellow eyes appeared in the darkness of the cavern, but she didn’t see the danger she was in. He screamed her name, and this time she heard him. She stopped and turned around as Remus caught up to her. Her almond eyes were filled with fear and sorrow. He took her hand and gently tried to pull her back, but she shook her head, tears now streaming down her cheeks.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked urgently. She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, his dream was invaded by faraway voices. He felt his mind begin to wake, and the girl faded from him. “No, don’t go yet,” he pleaded, but the voices became clearer and the dream disappeared.
“Is that your move?”
“Hold on, I’m thinking.”
“Well, hurry up! I want to get on with slaughtering you.”
“You can be a real prat sometimes, you know that?”
Remus tried to force himself back to sleep, but it was no use. He could barely remember what his dream had been about anymore. All he knew was that it had left him feeling unfulfilled, as if there were something he still needed to find out. Giving up on recovering the dream, Remus opened his eyes and looked around the carriage blearily.
Sirius and Peter were playing Wizard’s chess, and judging by the dark frown on his face, Sirius was losing badly. Remus chuckled under his breath. These games never ended well, but Sirius was a slave to his pride when Peter challenged him.
“All right, Remus?” Sirius asked, looking over. “We were about to hold a mirror to your mouth.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” mumbled Remus sleepily. “Are we there yet?”
“Almost,” Sirius replied, glaring at the chess board. “All right, rook, move forward three spaces. No, wait! Two spaces. Wait… three. Yeah, three.” The rook shook his head and trudged forward resignedly. It had long since given up trying to give Sirius advice.
“That’s your move? Interesting… Not what I would have done, but interesting.” Peter savored the words, biding his time.
“Why don’t you just put him out of his misery and be done with it?” James asked. “This is why I never play you anymore.”
“Hey!” Sirius said sharply. “Whose side are you on, anyway? I haven’t lost yet.”
“Actually…” Peter grinned wickedly. “Bishop, take the king. Checkmate.”
The bishop strode towards the king and smashed him to bits with a satisfied smile. Sirius stared at the board uncomprehendingly, then scowled when he saw where he had been tricked. “Son of a bitch!” he snapped.
“Ha!” Peter crowed triumphantly. “I remain, and shall remain, undefeated!”
Sirius irritably swept the chess pieces back into the box, muttering something unintelligible but most likely obscene.
“Oh, lighten up, Sirius. You can’t be the best at everything,” Remus smiled. He was glad Peter had found something he could beat Sirius at. He felt it was good for both of their egos.
The train began to brake, and the wheels emitted a loud squeal. Remus winced and rubbed his forehead. He had a splitting headache that he knew would persist for the next few days. The scene outside the window moved slower and slower until they finally lurched to a stop. Remus forgot his pain when he glimpsed the cozily familiar train station outside. Hogsmeade, he thought blissfully. He was just one carriage ride away from the home he had longed for all summer. He braced his aching body and rose, holding the back of his seat for support.
“Listen, I’m going to the hospital wing immediately after we arrive,” said Remus, still leaning against his seat. “So I’m trusting you three not to torture the new first years at the Sorting, all right? I don’t want to come back and find them quivering in the corner because they’re afraid of bed-check trolls.”
“Bed-check trolls, that’s not a bad idea!” said Sirius. “We’re rubbing off on you after all!”
“Careful, Sirius,” said Peter in a mock stern tone. “He is a prefect, you know.”
Sirius and James grinned at each other. They seemed to think that Remus being a prefect this year was their free pass to get into even more trouble than before.
Remus sighed. “Just wait until tomorrow to hex them, all right? Is that too much to ask?”
“We’ll try our best, mate, but no promises,” James winked.
A sharp knock on the door distracted Remus from further reprimands. Madam Pomfrey entered without being bidden. “It’s time to go,” she announced. “Come along now.”
Remus’s face fell. “What, now? Here?”
“Of course,” she said, oblivious to his confusion. “Professor Dumbledore instructed me to retrieve you directly from the station.”
“But I wanted go to the castle first,” Remus said disappointedly.
“The castle? Look at the sun! You know perfectly well there’s no time! We’re already cutting this much too close. You’re lucky you were even allowed on the train today!” Madam Pomfrey snapped impatiently. She softened when she saw the stung expression on Remus’s face.
“I’m sorry, my dear, but we must leave now.”
Remus sensed a slight edge of fear in her voice. Of course. She’s afraid of me, he realized with a sinking feeling. Others might have felt power at this, but Remus’s stomach knotted with shame.
“Well,” he said quietly, “I guess that’s that, then.”
“Sorry, Remus,” James said. “Good luck tonight.”
“Stay strong!” added Sirius, raising his fist in the air.
"We'll come see you tomorrow," Peter promised.
Remus smiled appreciatively. “Thanks.”
Madam Pomfrey led Remus briskly off the train and onto the crowded platform. They merged into the throng of students heading for the carriages, and then quickly slipped out the other side into the station. A few curious eyes peered at them from the platform and through the train windows, but Remus ignored them. He knew they would soon forget him in their excitement to board the carriages to Hogwarts. No one ever noticed him for long. Sirius and James would never be able to get away with this, Remus thought with a trace of rejection.
They passed through the station quickly and emerged into the brilliance of Hogsmeade Village. Remus looked wistfully at the shops lining the streets, their windows twinkling enticingly in the late sunlight. He wished they could stop in the Three Broomsticks for a rest, but he knew it was useless to ask. He sighed longingly, imagining sweet butterbeer spreading warmth through his tired body.
“Come on, Remus, hurry now!” Madam Pomfrey urged, dragging him along by the arm.
“I’m trying!” Remus panted.
Walking had loosened the stiffness in his muscles, but he was still exhausted. It took all his energy to keep up with their hurried pace. He squinted at the sun to judge how much time was left. He had at least an hour, but Madam Pomfrey was still pulling him along at arm’s length as if he were a time bomb. They left the main street and headed down a dirt road away from town. When they finally reached the shack, Remus collapsed onto the fence, gasping for air. Madam Pomfrey marched firmly down the path to the door and unlocked it with her wand. She turned back to Remus and beckoned him forward.
Remus eyed the Shrieking Shack warily, still catching his breath. He had only entered it this way once before, on a Hogsmeade weekend to show his friends where he spent his transformations. It had been rather fun then, when he was surrounded by friendly company and the danger of the full moon was weeks off. But now, alone with his fear, the shack loomed ominously. He didn’t wonder why it was easy to keep villagers away, even though he knew for a fact that it wasn’t haunted. But it is, he thought. And I’m the only one that the ghosts harm.
He lingered at the fence a moment longer, hesitant to leave the safety of the outside world. For he knew that once he stepped inside, he would not be able to return without suffering through the madness and the agony. Walking through the door was like walking off a cliff; there was no turning back.
“Remus, it’s time,” Madam Pomfrey prodded.
Remus exhaled angrily. He couldn’t mistake his choice to enter as a choice to transform. There was nothing he could do to stop the transformation from happening; he could only control how he faced it. He drew a sharp breath and strode down the path to the door. Madam Pomfrey placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Good luck, dear,” she said sympathetically and swung the door open.
Remus stepped inside silently. His heart pounded as the stale, musty scent enveloped him, evoking many terrible memories. The door closed behind him with a click. He was alone.
“Lumos.”
His voice echoed in the empty room. He was disgusted by how weak it sounded. Get a grip, he thought impatiently, and held up his glowing wand. The room was eerily illuminated by his faint light, revealing deep, ragged scratches in the walls and bloodstains soaked into the floor. A violent shiver ran through Remus’s body and he felt both anger and fear well up inside of him. He embraced the anger; it was easier to face the transformation that way. He paced the floor like a caged beast, wallowing in the unfairness of it all. One night, one horrible night years ago that would cost him for the rest of his life. Remus couldn’t bring himself to accept the magnitude of it. Nobody knows, he thought fiercely. Nobody has any idea.
He bitterly thought of the Gryffindor common room which would be alive with laughter that night. Sirius would be showing off, no doubt, hexing other students as they rounded the corner. Everyone would laugh, even his victims, who would be pleased just to be involved. James would be regaling everyone with stories of his Quidditch matches, somehow making them more exciting with every telling. And Peter would have his arms full of stolen custards and cakes, which Sirius would then secretly enchant and give to unsuspecting first years. Normally Remus laughed along with everyone else, admiring his friends, wondering at the popularity that came so easily to them. But picturing the scene now irritated him.
How could James call himself daring when the most dangerous thing he’d ever faced was Quidditch against the Slytherins? Remus scoffed. And Sirius, with his effortless charm and good looks. He had no idea what it was like to be pale, sickly and scarred, doomed to spend his life in isolation of his curse. The injustice clawed at his stomach until he felt completely hollow. He wished he could trade places with them for just one night. Let them face a fear they couldn’t charm their way out of; let them be helpless for once.
Remus lost track of time in his fuming and was surprised to see the sun had already dipped below the horizon. His tenuous shield of anger slipped away and fear swelled in its place. He placed his fingertips on the window and watched the sun intently, his breath ragged. He felt that if he stared hard enough, he could somehow will the sun to stay up. But the last ray of light disappeared beyond the horizon, taking his last hope with it. Remus sank to the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees. His eyes stung with tears that he did not attempt to hold back.
Every month when he woke crumpled and bleeding on the floor, his first thought was, “It’s over. It’s done.” But every month he found himself back at the edge of the cliff, like an impossible recurring nightmare. It would never be over, and the enormity of the word “never” staggered him. No matter how hard he resisted, it made absolutely no difference. He would spend every ounce of strength in his body fighting tonight, but the beast would return again and again, never weakening. A small sob escaped his throat and tears streamed down his face. Of all the things he had lost to the werewolf, nothing had created such a terrible void as his complete and utter helplessness.
Remus laid his head on his knees and let out a long, shaky breath. He took his wand out of his pocket and placed it underneath the broken chair next to him so he wouldn’t damage it in his madness. Something caught his eye in the corner of his blurred vision. He dried his tears on his robe and saw that there was a photograph underneath the chair. He pulled it out by the corner and recognized it immediately. He had brought this photograph with him for his last transformation. It was torn and filthy now, but he could still make out the faces underneath the blood splatters. James, Sirius, Peter and himself grinned up at him, waving and giving him the thumbs up. Remus smiled, completely forgetting his resentment. He wiped the dried blood off and ran his finger over the photo affectionately. He knew his friends would be there for him tomorrow, and that was almost enough to make the night bearable.
A sudden burst of pain exploded in his head. Remus gasped and the photograph fluttered to the floor. His skin burned like it was being stabbed with a thousand hot needles. The pain descended into his muscles like wildfire until it felt as if his whole body was being torn apart. The world spun around him; his blood rushed so loudly through his ears that he could only dimly hear his own screams. The pain in his head was now excruciating. He clutched his elongating face, growling when he felt his claws tear his own skin. A terrible, raw fury flooded his mind, consuming his humanity.
No, please no, not this time, he thought desperately, clinging to his thoughts as they slipped away. I’m Remus, my name is Remus, please don’t forget this time.
But the wild fury destroyed his mind and his final thought disappeared like a lost memory. He no longer recognized the word Remus, nor any words at all. His mind was gone, and only terror, rage and madness remained in its place.
*
A wretched howl cut through the night air, frightening a young woman passing by on the road. She clutched her cloak tightly around her and hurried away until the ominous shack had disappeared from view. Another agonizing cry floated through the air, farther away this time. The woman stood still, breathing heavily. Tears filled her eyes, though she did not know why.
Home Sweet Home by BlackClaude
Morning dawned in the silent village of Hogsmeade, casting faint rays of light into the dark purple sky. The pained howl of a wounded animal and the sound of claws wildly scratching wood broke the peaceful stillness. Gradually, the howl transformed into a human cry and the scratching ceased. Remus collapsed onto the floor of the Shrieking Shack, exhausted and bleeding, with only one thought in his mind. It’s over.
He slowly opened his eyes, despite the intense throbbing it caused his head. The room hazily came into focus. It was in shambles, of course. He had destroyed the furnishings so often that by now he was merely rearranging the chaos. Remus gingerly rubbed his forehead; every movement hurt his aching body. He managed to bring himself up to his knees, steadying himself with his hands as a wave of nausea passed through him. He tried to remember the night before, but could only recall the usual glimpses of pain and violence. Supporting himself on the shredded windowsill, he managed to rise to his feet. He swayed uncertainly as the room faded to black, but moments later his vision returned. Fresh patches of blood were soaked into the dusty floor where he had lain. Remus didn’t know where he was wounded yet, but he was sure he’d find out eventually. Reaching out a shaking hand to steady himself against the wall, he retrieved his wand and slowly limped back through the tunnel.
After a long, exhausting walk, Remus reached the Whomping Willow. Daylight stabbed his eyes as he peered out of the crack in the roots. After scanning the grounds for observers, he pressed the knot at the base of the trunk and quickly slipped away under the frozen branches. Remus breathed deeply, replacing the stale, musty scent of the shack with the cool, refreshing air. He limped towards the castle, relishing the sweet smell of the grass and the safety he felt in the daylight.
Hogwarts was slowly coming to life under the faint morning sun. A few students trailed outside, although classes would not begin for over an hour. Remus watched a pair of first years excitedly run outdoors and look around the grounds in awe. He smiled to himself, remembering his first morning at the castle. He had also been too excited to sleep, and had jumped up at the crack of dawn to explore his new home. Now, however, he could think of nothing more inviting than his four poster bed in Gryffindor tower. He closed his eyes blissfully, imagining the cool sheets and soft pillow awaiting him. He wished he could go there immediately instead of to the hospital wing, but Madam Pomfrey was expecting him. Remus opened his eyes, wondering if he could levitate himself into the castle through the window so he wouldn’t have to walk the rest of the way. He fished his wand from his pocket, pointed it at his chest, and said half-heartedly, “Wingardium leviosa!” Nothing happened, but he hadn’t really been trying.
“Oh well,” he sighed to himself, “I’ll just do it the hard way.”
Remus trudged into the castle and through the halls to the hospital wing. He looked around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings and the scent of medicinal potions. Home sweet home, he thought wryly. Madam Pomfrey emerged from behind a curtain at the end of the room and saw him in the doorway.
“There you are! Come here, let’s get you to a bed before you keel over.” Remus stumbled across the room and collapsed onto the bed next to the curtain. He sighed contentedly, feeling as if he could sleep for a week.
“Oh, you poor dear,” Madam Pomfrey tutted, peering intently at his ashen face. “Here, I’ve got your potion waiting for you. Drink it quickly and you can have some chocolate.”
“All right,” Remus said with a reluctant grimace and took the goblet from her hand. He swallowed the bitter sludge with a shudder, wondering whether it tasted more like skunk spray or petrol. When he’d drained the last drop, Madam Pomfrey relinquished the Honeydukes bar, which he quickly unwrapped and took a large bite of, savouring the sweet taste.
“Thanks,” he said through a mouthful of chocolate. Despite the terrible taste of the potion, he gratefully noted how it had already warmed his body and soothed the ache in his head. Madam Pomfrey laid a blanket over Remus and moved on to the bed next to him, hidden behind the curtain.
“That’s healing well,” he heard her say. “Just give it a bit longer, and then you can go. Now do you think you’ll be able to make it back to your room without hexing Bellatrix again?”
Sirius. Remus shook his head. He’s gone on a rampage. His ears pricked up when he heard a female voice respond.
“May I remind you, Madam, that Bellatrix attacked me first?”
“And what about those three other girls who came to me covered in boils?”
“Her gang,” came the grim reply. “They all attacked me at once after I took Bellatrix down. I had to defend myself, didn’t I? And discourage them from trying that again...”
Remus suddenly recognized the voice. Lily. His heart leapt in his chest, which it had developed a habit of doing in her presence. He had been particularly looking forward to seeing Lily again; they’d always shared a certain closeness, though her exasperation with his friends usually kept her farther away than he’d like.
“You would do well to keep out of Miss Black’s way, young lady. If I had a Knut for every student she’s sent to my wing…” Madam Pomfrey sniffed angrily and then lowered her voice. “Between you and me, I was glad to see her in here for once!”
Lily giggled and Madam Pomfrey emerged from behind the curtain with a secretive smile. She saw Remus watching her and immediately snapped back to her business-like self.
“Shouldn't you be sleeping, young man?” she said firmly and bustled off to her supply room.
“Who’s over there?” Lily whispered.
“Remus,” he whispered back, a little thrill running through him. He was pleased to have the moment to spend with her alone, though he always felt a bit nervous outside of the shelter of his friends’ shadows.
“Hello, Remus! Welcome back,” came her warm reply. “What are you in for?”
“Nothing as exciting as a duel with four Slytherins,” he answered evasively.
A lilting laugh floated through the curtain. “You heard?”
“Yeah, I bet Sirius loved it. Although he’s probably jealous that you got to Bellatrix before he did.”
“She got to me; I didn’t seek her out. And hopefully she’ll think twice before doing it again. I transformed her hair into poisonous snakes and she got bitten pretty badly.” There was a trace of pride in Lily’s voice.
“Wow,” Remus said, impressed. “That’s a difficult charm.”
“Well, I’ve had practice,” Lily replied cynically. “But she still managed to get me before I could defend myself. Look, I’ll show you.”
He heard her bed creak and Lily appeared from behind the curtain. They both gasped when they saw each other.
“Oh, Remus, you look awful!” Lily breathed, clasping a hand over her mouth.
Remus was too upset to come up with an excuse for his appearance. He was thunderstruck by the word “Mudblood” burned into Lily’s forehead. The letters were fading, thanks to Madam Pomfrey’s Soothing Salve, but the hateful word was still faintly visible.
“How dare she!” he fumed, enraged not only at the slur but also at the pain Bellatrix had caused Lily.
“It’s all right, it doesn’t hurt anymore and it won’t scar,” she said dismissively. “But what happened to you?”
Remus averted his eyes. “It’s nothing, I’m just sick.”
“Well, that’s an understatement,” Lily said sceptically. She sat at the foot of his bed and crossed her legs underneath her. Remus felt a bit faint; he was very aware of her knee touching his leg through the blanket. She looked at him with a concerned expression and he couldn’t help gazing back, admiring the tawny freckles that the summer sun had painted across her nose.
“You’re sick rather often, aren’t you?” Lily asked. Remus dropped his eyes quickly, as if he had been caught doing something wrong.
“Well, it… ah… runs in the family.”
Lily studied Remus doubtfully. “I had a feeling you’d be sick last night,” she said.
Remus’s heart stopped for a second, and then pounded so hard he was sure she would see it through his robes. She’s found out! he thought frantically.
“You weren’t in the prefects’ carriage, after all,” she continued offhandedly. “And then I spotted you sleeping in your friends’ carriage. You looked pretty ill.”
Remus relaxed a little, but didn’t let his guard down. He had the impression that she was testing him, and he did not trust himself to maintain his cover. He hated deception, even though it had become a vital part of his life. And now, feeling Lily’s questioning gaze upon him, he felt as if every one of his dark secrets were scrawled on his face.
“So you’re a prefect, too?” Remus asked. If Lily noticed the abrupt subject change, she didn’t show it.
“Yes,” she said and proudly flashed her badge. “I’ll catch you up on what you missed on the train: help out the first years, don’t abuse your powers, and remember that you’re representing Hogwarts.” She finished in a deep, stern voice.
Remus laughed. “I’ll try to remember that.”
“You’re going to have your hands full, aren’t you? Keeping your friends in line is a full time job.” A twitch of a smile betrayed Lily’s disapproving expression.
“It would take a power greater than I to keep them in line, no matter what Dumbledore thinks. I’m afraid he’s going to be disappointed if he thinks I’ll be their role model.”
“I’d be a bit disappointed, too. I think they’d all be more tolerable if they were more like you.” Lily caught his eye and smiled. Remus’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling too. He felt his pale cheeks flush and he turned his head away so she wouldn’t see.
Lily gasped with horror behind him, “What happened to your neck?” Remus’s hand flew to his neck and he felt three deep, painful scratches behind his ear. He winced and turned back to face her, trying to hide the evidence of his madness. He brought his fingers back down and saw traces of blood.
“Oh, my cat scratched me yesterday,” he said in what he hoped was a casual tone. “That animal’s a bloody menace.”
Imaginary pets, duelling partners, disgruntled owls… all innocent bystanders who took the blame for Remus’s wounds. It wasn’t often that anyone noticed them, though, except for James, Sirius and Peter. But he didn’t have to invent stories for them anymore, which was lucky, since they’d already heard them all at least twice.
Lily frowned and reached out her arm. Remus’s stomach fluttered as he saw her hand come toward his face, then he felt her fingertips touch his cheek. He closed his eyes as she gently turned his face away from her. She brushed his hair back and traced one finger around the cuts. The pain of his wounds faded instantly, but was replaced by an intense throbbing in his chest.
“This wasn’t from a cat,” she said finally, casting him a distrustful glance. “Tell me the truth. What happened to you?”
Remus couldn’t have spoken even if he knew what to say. He couldn’t think of anything except her hand on his neck and the suspicion in her eyes.
“Oi, Remus!”
Remus jolted back to reality as James, Sirius and Peter sauntered into the hospital wing. They were wearing their usual mischievous smiles, but their expressions changed instantly when they saw Lily sitting on Remus’s bed with her hand on his neck. Peter glanced nervously at James and dropped the bag he was carrying. James’s smile fell from his face and his eyebrows narrowed in disbelief. Sirius, however, looked delighted and grinned wickedly. Remus tried to look as if he didn’t know what was going on, which was quite easy. Lily withdrew her hand and stood up, leaving Remus feeling strangely empty without her weight beside him. Not yet, he pleaded silently. His skin felt cold where her fingers were now absent. Please don’t go yet. But she had already whirled around to face his friends.
“And just where the bloody hell were you three when Remus was attacked?” she snapped.
They now looked even more confused than before. James and Peter eyed each other and shot Remus a questioning look. Remus could only shake his head slightly, warning them not to reveal anything.
“Well?” Lily persisted.
Sirius calmly responded, “Isn’t it obvious?” Four heads turned to stare at him. Remus groaned. Whatever was about to come out of his mouth wasn’t going to be good.
“The three of us were in the Forbidden Forest, cowering on the ground with three chimaeras bearing down on us. Oh, they were vile, with blood dripping from their talons and flames billowing from their foul jaws!” Sirius grinned eerily, enraptured in his own storytelling. “I had just clutched James and Peter to my side and cried ‘We die fighting!’ when Remus burst forth from the darkness! With a sword in one hand and his wand in the other, he slaughtered the first beast and hacked it into bloody pieces. It was a grand struggle and Remus was brilliant, as always, but the second chimaera managed to slash him with its talons. His wand flew from his hands and the beast pinned him to the ground. We thought he would perish for sure, but James dove for the fallen wand and cursed the chimaera into oblivion” that was brilliant, by the way.”
“Cheers.”
“Then Remus got back to his feet and beat the last chimaera to death with his bare hands. We wouldn’t be standing before you today if it weren’t for this great man! And after crawling all the way back to Hogwarts on one leg, trailing blood behind him the whole way, what’s his reward? You jump on top of him like a randy wildcat and try to seduce him in his weakened state, when he’s so wounded and fragile that you would surely crush him between your shapely legs. And then you have the nerve to yell at the loyal comrades he almost died defending! Now really, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”
Sirius concluded his speech by crossing his arms reproachfully. James shook his head. “That’s low, Evans,” he admonished. Peter nodded sadly and sighed.
Lily stared at them as if they had all gone completely insane. She turned her head towards Remus and silently implored him for an explanation. Remus bit his lip and looked downward in shame. He hated himself for not being able to tell her the truth, or even to come up with a better lie. But he had seen what telling the truth got him in the past, and he wasn’t willing to lose one more friend to the werewolf. Seeing that she would get no answers, Lily turned back to Sirius.
“Fine, don’t tell me. Apparently I’m the only one who cares that Remus was hurt,” she said coolly. “And I suppose you were off attacking more Slytherins while your friend was in trouble?”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “That’s funny, weren’t you the one who was sent here after cursing Trixie and her gang?”
“I defended myself against your psychotic cousin,” retorted Lily, hands on her hips. “That’s a bit different than attacking someone for no reason except boredom.”
“Severus and I have a history, Evans,” said Sirius, his handsome grin hardening. “If you think he’s just a poor, misunderstood boy, you’re severely mistaken.”
“History? I don’t know what kind of history justifies hexing someone when his back is turned. That sounds like bullying to me.”
A flash of anger clouded Sirius’s face and Remus was afraid the conversation was going to turn ugly. But just as quickly as it came, the anger vanished and Sirius laughed.
“I like you, Evans. You’re smart, you’re sassy and you’ve got legs that won’t quit. So just stay out of my business and we’ll get along great. Deal?”
“I’m a prefect now, Sirius. And if you start the same rubbish at school as you did on the train, then I will make it my business. Remus may be too nice to discipline you, but I’m not.” Lily smiled sweetly with her threat.
James whistled and ran his hand through his unruly hair. “Curse a Slytherin and get disciplined by Evans? Where do I sign up?”
Lily shook her head. “No wonder you’re sick all the time, Remus. I can’t take much more of this.” She began to walk towards the door.
“Wait, Lily, don’t go,” Remus pleaded. He couldn’t tell her the truth, but he couldn’t bear for her to leave angry with him. Lily walked back to his bed and knelt down beside him.
“Look, Remus,” she whispered softly so that the others couldn’t hear. “You don’t have to tell me what happened… but I just want you to know they’re not the only ones you can trust.” A tingle ran down Remus’s spine, both from her words and her warm breath on his cheek. He tried to speak, but she had already walked out the door.
“You know you can’t get enough of us!” James called after her, then turned back to Remus with thinly veiled jealousy. “We leave you alone for one night and you end up with the prettiest girl in school on your bed. How did you do it?”
“Animal magnetism,” Remus answered dryly. Peter burst out laughing, but stopped abruptly when James shot him an annoyed look.
“What was that all about anyway?” Sirius asked. “Why did she think you were attacked?”
“She saw this.” Remus turned his head to display the scratches down his neck. “I don’t think she’s figured it out, but she’s definitely suspicious.”
Peter looked nervous. “You’d better be careful. She’s clever, that one.”
“Yeah, and that’s why she avoids us,” Sirius laughed. “We’ve got to get to class, Remus, but we wanted to drop off your supplies first.”
Peter picked up his fallen bag and tossed it onto the bed. Remus grinned, finding his schoolbooks and a wide array of sweets from the kitchen inside. He knew his friends thought he was crazy for wanting to study already, but he didn't want to fall behind.
“Thanks, guys,” he said.
“No worries. Get out of here soon, okay?”
“As soon as I can.”
Remus watched his friends leave the room and leaned back into his pillow contentedly. He was upset about missing his first day of classes and he was still concerned about Lily’s suspicions, but overall, he was actually quite happy. The full moon was over, he was back at Hogwarts where he belonged, and he had the whole year to look forward to. Particularly prefect duties… He recalled the favourite parts of his conversation with Lily, remembering her fingers brushing his neck and the soft heat of her breath on his face. He grinned, and his cheeks flushed once more. He would replay those moments over and over for the rest of the day.
Lady of Spain by BlackClaude
Remus slowly woke from a dreamless sleep, his Transfiguration textbook splayed open on his chest. He had tried to study that morning, but his fatigue got the better of him and he drifted off after half a page. Now that the afternoon sun had faded to twilight, his eyes fluttered open and he realized he was being watched. James, Sirius and Peter stood at the foot of his bed, looking down upon him and unsuccessfully trying to suppress their laughter. Remus instantly became alert.
“What did you do?” he groaned.
“Oh, that’s nice,” James said in an offended tone. “Not ‘Hello,’ or ‘Thanks for visiting.’ No, right away it’s ‘What did you do?’”
“I’m sorry,” Remus replied. “Hello. Thanks for visiting. What did you do?”
“Suspicious, isn’t he?” said Peter, smiling wickedly.
Remus eyed them warily. After four years of pranks, he knew when suspicion was warranted. While searching his bed for evidence of their mischief, his nose began to itch oddly. He reached up to scratch it and stopped dead when his fingers touched something cold and wet.
“You didn’t…” he said disbelievingly. “Accio mirror!”
A small mirror flew across the room into Remus’s hand. He looked at his reflection and burst out laughing in spite of himself. “You lot have got a sick sense of humor,” he said, shaking his head.
“Well, you’re laughing, so you do too,” Peter pointed out with a grin.
Remus’s face had been carefully transfigured in his sleep and was now adorned with a dog’s nose, whiskers, and a shining coat of brown fur. His hair was sticking up and had been shaped into pointy ears. Although he assumed the effect was supposed to be that of a wolf, Remus thought he looked more like a Yorkshire terrier.
“We got curious since you never let us see you on a full moon,” Sirius explained. “Did we capture the essence of it, more or less?”
“Not even close,” Remus said, touching his furry cheek. “I look like I should have a big pink bow, not fangs.”
“Fangs!” exclaimed James. “That’s what we forgot.”
“I can fix that,” Sirius offered and raised his wand. Remus grabbed his own wand and pointed it back at Sirius.
“You give me fangs and I’ll give you the big pink bow,” he threatened.
Peter’s eyes lit up at the prospect of a duel. “Do it, Sirius, he’s bluffing!”
“Try me,” Remus grinned and swished the tip of his wand provocatively. At that moment, Madam Pomfrey strolled down the aisle and interrupted their showdown.
“How are you feeling now, Re” what in Merlin’s name?!”
Her eyes widened with shock upon seeing Remus’s new canine features. He couldn’t resist smiling innocently at her with his teeth slightly bared. James let out a snorting laugh, despite Madam Pomfrey’s glare.
“Well, I never!” she sputtered and vanished the transfigurations with her wand. “I would think your friends would be more sensitive!”
“Why?” Peter muttered under his breath, but Madam Pomfrey didn’t hear him.
“I was just coming to ask if you’re ready for me to bring your dinner,” she continued, glaring suspiciously at Sirius out of the corner of her eye.
“Can I go to the Great Hall instead?” Remus asked eagerly.
Madam Pomfrey looked at him skeptically. “You know you’re not supposed to leave until tomorrow. You’re still very sick; you need your rest.”
“But I feel much better,” Remus lied. “Please? I missed the feast last night; I don’t want to miss another.”
Madam Pomfrey hesitated, but then relented. “Very well,” she sighed. “But see that you don’t pass out onto your plate or we’ll both have to answer to Dumbledore!”
“Thanks, you’re the best!” Remus exclaimed and flung his blankets off. Madam Pomfrey smiled modestly and waved Remus’s compliment away. Then her stern expression returned as she turned and shook her finger at Sirius.
“As for you, you should be ashamed of yourself! Of all the disrespectful displays, after all he’s been through!” She strode back down the aisle in a huff.
“Why does she always blame me?” Sirius complained. “This was James’s idea!”
Remus swung his legs off the bed and stretched his arms over his head. He still felt rather sick, but he didn’t want to spend one more minute in the hospital wing. He gathered his books and nodded to his friends.
“Let’s go,” he said. “I’ve had enough of this place for a month.”
* * * *
Remus slumped wearily into a seat at the dining table and wondered if he should have listened to Madam Pomfrey. Just walking to the dorms and unpacking his trunk had exhausted him, and he had debated staying in his bed for the rest of the night. But now that he saw the banquet before him, he realized that he was even more famished than tired. He loaded his plate with several pork chops, a mound of potatoes and a handful of rolls.
“Feeling better?” James asked, eyeing the pile of food in wonder.
“A little,” Remus replied through a mouthful of bread. He swallowed and took a long drink of pumpkin juice. “Who’s the new professor?”
He pointed towards the head table, where a pretty, dark haired woman in red robes was talking with Professor McGonagall. Sirius grinned.
“Spotted her right away, didn’t you? That’s Professor Cóvas, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. We have her first thing tomorrow morning,” he said in a pleased tone.
Peter snickered, “Sirius fancies her.”
“Like you don’t?” Sirius countered.
Remus looked her over appraisingly. She was young for a professor, about thirty years old, he guessed. Her eyes were dark and watchful, framed by long lashes and olive skin. She had a strong, angular face and her upright posture gave her an aura of nobility. He could see why Sirius was attracted to her, but she gave Remus an odd sense of unease. Her expression, though pleasant on the surface, was completely guarded. Years of quiet observation had enhanced Remus’s ability to read people, but he could not sense anything beyond her cool façade.
“Interesting woman,” he murmured.
“Gorgeous woman,” Sirius corrected.
“Come off it,” said James. “She may be gorgeous, but she’s twice as old as you.”
“James, my young friend, you have so much to learn,” Sirius sighed with an air of wisdom. “She’s not old, she has blossomed and matured like a fine wine. A sweet, fragrant and intoxicating wine...”
“I always thought women were like wine because they make you stupid,” James said. “And you have to be careful not to let McGonagall find them in your room.”
“That too,” Sirius grinned.
Remus heaped trifle onto his now empty plate and ate a large spoonful. He was slowly beginning to feel human again. His eyes wandered back to the mysterious Professor Cóvas, but seeing Professor McGonagall beside her drew his thoughts to other matters. He looked around the table to ensure that no one was listening, and leaned forward.
“So how have you been doing with the Animagus spells?” he asked in a low voice.
James frowned thoughtfully and whispered, “It’s been incredibly difficult, but I think we’re finally getting close. I reckon Sirius is almost there.”
“You’ve almost got it too, James,” Sirius said confidently. “I bet we’ll master it within a month or so.”
“So soon? That’s great!” Remus beamed.
Peter averted his eyes and fidgeted with his napkin. Remus knew that he had been having trouble with the spells and was not progressing as quickly as James or Sirius, but he didn’t think that was any reason to be ashamed. There were very few who could compete with their natural talents.
James noticed Peter’s discomfort and said kindly, “Don’t worry, Peter; you’ve made a lot of progress. I bet you’ll be able to do it this year.”
“Yeah right,” moaned Peter pitifully. “I’m nowhere close, and even if I ever do get it right, I’ll probably end up a flobberworm or something.”
Sirius clapped his shoulder. “Then we’ll put you on a lettuce leaf and you can ride on our backs. But there’s no way you’re missing out.”
Remus glowed with pride and gratitude. He still could not believe that his friends were going through so much just for him. All these years, he had hardly dared to hope that they would manage the spells. His desire for company during his transformations was too strong and close to his heart for him to risk being disappointed. But now that his greatest wish was so close to coming true, he felt like a new person in a new world. He knew that soon his life would never be the same.
“I can’t tell you how much this means to me,” he said with as much sincerity as he could express.
“Hey, don’t get all emotional on us,” grinned Sirius. “We’re just tired of letting you have all the fun. You’ve been right selfish not letting us come along.”
“So sorry,” Remus smiled.
“What about you, Remus?” Peter asked. “Once we become Animagi, we’re going to have a great time in our animal forms. If you learned how to do it, we could go out all the time, not just on full moons.”
“No,” Remus answered quickly. “Thanks, but I spend quite enough time in an animal’s body as it is.”
“But it wouldn’t be the same if it was voluntary, would it?” Peter persisted. “Don’t you want to see what it’s like when you’re… you know… sane?”
Remus shivered, remembering his transformation the night before. “No, I’m quite sure. Every day I spend without fur is a good day for me.”
“Fair enough,” said James. “But you’ll change your mind when you see how much the ladies love us as animals.”
“You know you can’t tell anyone or you’ll get arrested,” Remus reminded him. “Is it worth it just to impress a few girls?”
“Who said anything about telling? We’ll just be the lovable cats and dogs who happen to find their way into the girls’ dorm,” James grinned.
Peter’s face lit up with excitement. “Maybe they’ll even let us sleep in their beds!”
“Well, that makes me want to go practice even more,” James said and pushed his plate away. “Let’s go, I think Remus has eaten every last bit of food in the castle, anyway.”
“Hey, it’s the wolf’s appetite, not mine,” Remus said defensively. He rose from the table and stretched his stiff arms behind him.
“Well, you should tell that wolf to share. I think you’re even skinnier than you were last year,” said Peter, eyeing Remus with concern.
“We’ll just need to steal more sweets from the kitchen then, won’t we?” James said, perking up at the opportunity to use their new secret passages. “Come on, Sirius, let’s go raid the kitchen so Remus doesn’t eat us tonight.”
“All right, all right,” Sirius said distractedly and blew a kiss to the head table. “Until tomorrow, my sweet Cabernet.”
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” James muttered, rolling his eyes. He took Sirius by the sleeve and dragged him out of his chair. “That does it; I’m taking you back to the common room to surround you with girls your own age.”
Sirius did not take his forced removal quietly. As James dragged him away, he began to sing in a loud, rich voice, “Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies, farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain!”
His song carried over the din in the hall and turned people’s heads his way. Most of the students were used to Sirius’s antics and laughed appreciatively, but Remus noticed several Slytherins with expressions of hatred and humiliation. Sirius was something of a liability for them; he was a pure blood from one of the oldest and most respected wizarding families, yet he openly mocked their twisted values and inflated sense of self-importance. Worst of all, he was smarter and more powerful than all of them, so they didn’t know whether to claim his powers as evidence of his bloodline or disown him altogether. Remus smiled with satisfaction as he watched Bellatrix quiver with silent disgust.
“For we’ve received orders for to sail back to Boston, and soon never more shall we see you again!”
At the head table, Dumbledore clasped his hands together and listened attentively as if he were at the symphony. Professor McGonagall furrowed her brow and whispered something into Professor Cóvas’s ear. The young woman turned her regal head and watched Sirius with mild amusement. When he finished his song, she rewarded her serenader with a cool smile and a slight nod. Sirius, pleased to have reached his audience, bowed low in return before James yanked him out the door. Remus could hear the laughter and applause of his fellow Gryffindors in the hall behind him.
“Well, that ought to get you out of her first homework assignment,” Peter laughed as they walked towards the staircase.
“Or get you double,” Remus said with a smile. It never failed to amaze him how Sirius could make a fool of himself in front of the whole school without the slightest hint of humility or shame. Remus could not imagine withstanding that kind of attention, let alone eagerly seeking it out. But he supposed that was why he liked Sirius so much; he felt more daring just being in his presence. He supposed that was also why he got into more trouble around him, but it was a small price to pay for their adventures.
“Canis Majoris!” James called out when they reached the Pink Lady.
“Indeed!” she replied and the portrait swung open.
Remus trailed into the Gryffindor common room behind James, who strutted in as if expecting a welcoming committee. Sirius and Peter followed, each surveying the room as if searching for something to disrupt. Remus gravitated toward the fireplace, which beckoned him forth with its dancing, hypnotic flames. He sank onto a couch next to the fire and laid his head on the arm. He heard James and Sirius laughing behind him, but he didn’t want to put forth the effort of joining the conversation. Now that his appetite was temporarily satisfied, his fatigue was foremost on his mind. The fire crackled soothingly and its heat washed over him in waves, lulling him to sleep. His eyelids fluttered downwards and the voices around him faded into the distance.
“So, how are your chimaera wounds healing?”
Startled, Remus opened his eyes and found Lily standing before him, silhouetted against the fire. He paused, unsure of how to respond. His face must have reflected his apprehension, because Lily smiled and sat down beside him.
“It’s all right,” she said. “I want to apologize for this morning. It’s really none of my business why you were in the hospital wing, and it was rude of me to pry. And it was especially rude of me to go off on your friends the way I did.” She blushed apologetically.
“Don’t worry about it,” Remus said with a relieved smile. He relaxed, knowing that he would not be subjected to more difficult questions.
“So how are you feeling? You look better, not quite so gray,” Lily said, but Remus could tell she was just being polite.
“Thanks, I’m feeling a little better. How about you?”
“Good, my forehead’s all healed now. Bellatrix will be disappointed; I’m sure she was trying to brand me for life.”
Remus stomach twisted and he glared into the crackling fire, imagining the flames burning Lily’s fair skin. He didn’t know which prejudice he hated worse, that against werewolves or that against Muggle-borns. Not that I have to choose, he thought cynically. I’m lucky enough to live with both.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Remus said softly. “I wish I could have helped.”
Lily shrugged, and the light in her eyes seemed to dim a little. “It seems every day there are more and more people who think like Bellatrix. Hexes I can handle, but the worst is people dismissing me when they find out who my parents are. The only way I can fight that is by showing them I’m just as capable as they are, but they’re always too blind to see it.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Remus said and they exchanged regretful smiles. The fact that he was a half-blood was irrelevant to his friends, which was how Remus wanted it. But at the same time, he was glad to talk to someone who went through the same difficulties that he did. He was surprised by how comfortable he felt around Lily. He felt a strong kinship with her, as if she understood him without him having to say a word.
Lily drew one foot up onto the couch and rested her elbow on her knee. “You missed some fun classes today. Charms looks like it’s going to be”oh, what are they doing now?!” she broke off exasperatedly.
Remus turned just in time to see Sirius sailing majestically through the air on a flying armchair. The flight was short-lived, however, and Sirius soon came crashing down along with his throne.
“Ow! Peter, why’d you drop me?”
“I’m sorry, it was an accident!” Peter cried. “It just got too heavy.”
Sirius extricated himself from the broken chair and rubbed his back. “Well, it was a great ride while it lasted. Who wants to go next?” he said brightly.
“Oh! Oh! I do!” a second year cried eagerly.
“Absolutely not!” Lily said firmly. “You three find something else to do that doesn’t involve destroying furniture!”
“Lighten up, Evans. I can fix it easily enough,” James said and reconstructed the chair with a casual flick of his wand. “See? Now who’s next?”
“Me!” the second year beamed and hopped onto the seat expectantly.
“No!” Lily said, frustrated. “No more rides! You’re going to hurt yourselves, and most likely everyone else around you!”
James cast her an impatient look. “What’s wrong with you? Last year you would have begged to be next in line.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, this badge means that it’s now my responsibility to keep you from tearing the castle down,” Lily said, narrowing her eyebrows.
“Is that so?” James said. “Well, then you leave me no choice. Accio badge!”
Lily’s badge flew off of her robes and into James’s outstretched hand. She stood up angrily and drew her wand out.
“Give it back, Potter!” she demanded.
“No!” he said stubbornly and put it in his pocket. “This badge has come between us.”
“Us?” she sputtered, still pointing her wand at him.
“Can’t you see it’s tearing us apart? You enforce order and discipline now, the very things I fight against. We’re like Romeo and Juliet!”
Lily rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently. “James, you have one more chance before I send you to McGonagall. Now hand it over!”
“But Lily, how can I give you back the object that’s preventing our love from blossoming?”
“ACCIO BADGE!!!” she roared. The badge exploded out of James’s pocket so powerfully that it left a gaping hole in his robes. James peered at the hole approvingly.
“Wow, if you wanted to tear my robes off, all you had to do was ask,” he said.
Lily pinned her badge back to her robe forcefully and pointed to the door.
“Out. Now,” she said through gritted teeth.
“As you wish, dear lady,” James shrugged. “Come, Peter! Let us liberate those treacle tarts from the kitchen.” Peter leapt up eagerly and joined James in the doorway.
“Mr. Lupin, you should stay here and rest or you’ll end up back in the hospital wing,” James continued. “Mr. Black, would you care to accompany us?”
“You go ahead,” Sirius said casually and sat in an armchair with his Potions textbook. James tipped an imaginary hat and left the room with Peter. Lily sat back down on the couch and covered her face with her hands.
“Why?” she moaned. “Why does he have to pester me so much?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Remus said quietly. Lily glanced at him through her fingers.
“Don’t let the Romeo and Juliet talk fool you,” she scoffed. “He fancies every girl in the fifth year, but none of them nearly so much as he fancies himself.” Despite his loyalty to James, Remus couldn’t help but see the logic in her statement.
“Maybe it’s just as well then,” he sighed sadly. “With your temper and his, I imagine your children would turn out to be monsters.”
Lily burst out laughing. “Who says I have a temper?”
“Not me!” Remus held his hands up defensively. “I don’t want to get my robes blown apart, too.”
“Well, I had to get my badge back, didn’t I? And it didn’t look like you were going to step in and help me.”
Remus’s smile faded. He knew he would be faced with disciplining his friends, and he’d been preparing for it ever since he received his badge over the summer. He’d tried to convince himself that being a prefect didn’t mean he would alienate his friends, but he didn’t want to punish them and then find out he was wrong. He just couldn’t risk losing the only thing that made his life bearable.
Lily read his troubled expression and said, “I’m sorry. I know it’s a hard position to be in.”
“It’s my first day as a prefect and I’ve already failed,” he frowned. “I just don’t know what to do. I can’t lose them as my friends; they’re all I have.” He was surprised to hear himself say that out loud, but something about Lily’s presence made him feel safe. He felt that he could tell her anything and she would never laugh at him or judge him. Seeing the compassionate expression on her face gave him a wild desire to unburden his soul and tell every one of his dark secrets to her.
“You’ll do what’s right,” Lily said softly. “I know you will. And I meant what I said before… they’re not all you have.”
Remus’s pulse quickened, making him feel light-headed. He wondered if it was healthy for him to keep talking to Lily while he was still sick.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
Remus glanced over at Sirius, wondering why he was actually being allowed to speak to Lily in peace. Although not as persistent as James, Sirius usually liked to be in the center of attention when girls were around. At the moment, though, he appeared to be deeply immersed in his Potions textbook. Remus raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Sirius prided himself on acing tests without studying and he rarely opened his books. Remus looked closer and spied the tip of a wand sticking out from behind the pages and Sirius’s lips moving almost imperceptibly. He looked around the room to see whom Sirius was hexing, but everyone looked undisturbed. Then he looked down and saw that his shoelaces were slowly untying themselves and twisting around Lily’s. Before he could open his mouth to warn her, she had already stood up.
“Well, I think I’m going to bed now. Good night, Remus,” Lily said warmly.
“Wait!” he cried, but it was too late. She took a step away from him and pitched forward with a surprised squeak. Remus quickly grabbed her arm to prevent her from falling, but he lost his balance and they both tumbled onto the floor in a tangled heap. Remus hit his head on the floor and groaned. He tried to stand up, but he realized that his legs were intertwined with Lily’s and her arm was flung across his chest. He decided there was really no rush to stand up just yet.
Lily propped herself up on her elbows and said breathlessly, “Are you all right?”
Remus felt better than all right, despite his aching head. “Yes, are you?” he replied.
“Fine.” She blew a piece of hair from her face and pointed her wand at their feet. “Solvo!”
The shoelaces unraveled and fell limply to the floor. Remus was rather disappointed that she was able to free herself so quickly. Lily untangled her legs and stood up, glaring fiercely at Sirius. Though she wasn’t tall, she looked surprisingly imposing at the moment.
“Black!!”
A first year looked at Lily in terror and scampered into his dorm. Sirius didn’t look up from his book.
“Excuse me, Evans, I’m trying to study,” he said vaguely.
Lily grabbed the book out of his hands and dropped it onto the floor. “Why? Why are you and James not happy unless you’re aggravating everybody around you?! Why can’t you go one night without causing trouble?”
Sirius looked up with mild surprise, as if he just noticed she was there. He smiled pleasantly and said, “Has anyone ever told you how lovely you are when you lose your temper?”
Lily let out a strangled scream and stalked into her dorm. “I knew I should have been in Ravenclaw!” she grumbled and closed the door behind her.
Remus got to his feet and rubbed his elbow, which was beginning to bruise. He stood in front of Sirius’s chair and asked wearily, “Was there any particular reason for that or were things just getting too peaceful for you?”
Sirius picked up his book and rose from his chair, a knowing smile playing across his face. He patted Remus on the shoulder and winked.
“You’re welcome, mate,” he said and sauntered into the dorms, leaving Remus wordless behind him.
“There he is. Let’s go!”
James pulled a parchment out of his schoolbag and pointed at a hunched black figure walking down the crowded hall. Peter looked at the parchment and cackled. “Hex me if you think I’m a greasy git,” he read. “Perfect!”
“And it’s got a Permanent Sticking Charm on it,” Sirius grinned. “He’ll have to cut it off his robes when he finds it!”
“Hurry, before he goes into his class,” James said and began weaving through the mass of students in the hall. Peter followed him with Sirius close behind, but Remus held back. He was too preoccupied with other matters to worry about their latest prank.
“Sirius, wait,” said Remus. Sirius stopped and glanced regretfully at his prey escaping down the hall. After a moment of indecision, he dutifully turned back to Remus.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You’re not trying to protect Snivelly, are you?”
“No, I wanted to ask you why you did that last night,” said Remus.
“What, study? I know, it’s bad for my image. It won’t happen again.”
Remus frowned impatiently. It always took a while to get a straight answer from Sirius when he was in a playful mood, but Remus found that staying silent usually sped up the process. Sirius saw that he wasn’t going to play along and said, “Fine, I did it because I thought you’d like it.” He raised an eyebrow slyly. “You did, didn’t you?”
“Look, it’s not like that. We were just talking,” Remus insisted, chiding himself for being so transparent.
“Really,” Sirius said, clearly unconvinced. “So you don’t fancy her?”
“Well… I’m not sure,” Remus confessed. “She’s just so… different. I’ve never had a girl be so nice to me before.”
Sirius pursed his lips. “All the girls who haven’t been nice to you are idiots. That’s why I like Evans; she’s smart and you need somebody smart.”
“But you know James likes her,” Remus said cautiously. The last thing he wanted to do was cause trouble with his friends.
“James likes a lot of girls,” Sirius said dismissively. What he didn’t say, but what Remus understood he meant, was that a lot of girls liked James.
“Right,” Remus muttered. The thought that Sirius helped him out of pity was not especially comforting, but he was flattered that he at least tried to help. “I’ll tell you what,” he continued as they reached their own classroom. “If you get a seat at the front, maybe I’ll return the favour and tie your shoes to the professor’s.”
Sirius grinned. “See? Friends look out for each other.”
Remus opened the door and stepped inside. Professor Cóvas stood at the window, her impassive gaze focused towards the forest. She absently stroked a rust-colored snake which was coiled around her forearm. Most of the male students were gazing at her with mesmerized expressions, but she did not seem to notice. Remus and Sirius sat in a pair of empty seats in the third row. Sirius would not get the chance to have his favour returned since the first two rows were entirely filled, presumably by boys who had the same idea. James and Peter suddenly rushed into the classroom, both sniggering to themselves. They filled in the seats beside Sirius and Remus and leaned over to share their story.
“It was great!” Peter whispered, slinging his bag to the floor. “Everyone was laughing at him and he had no idea why!”
“Too bad you missed it,” said James. “Where were you?”
Before Sirius could answer, a clock on the front desk emitted a single silvery chime and the class fell silent in expectation. The professor turned away from the window towards the curious faces looking up at her. She gently uncoiled the snake and placed it on her desk where it slithered underneath a roll of parchment.
“Good morning, class,” she said in a flute-like voice with a hint of a Spanish accent. “I am Professor Cóvas. I’m so pleased to be teaching at your fine school this year.” She slowly walked back and forth in front of the class, her boot heels clicking softly on the wooden floor.
“As I understand, this is a very important year for you, no? Your exams this spring, they will decide your fate. In your education, your career, and most likely your whole life.” She paused mid-stride and smiled knowingly at the entranced faces before her. “So I know you will pay careful attention in my class.”
Remus glanced around him. Sirius and Peter certainly looked as if they were paying attention, but not necessarily to her words. On the other side of the room he spotted Lily sitting with her friends, looking somewhat unsettled. He tried to catch her eye, but she didn’t look his way. Professor Cóvas continued pacing leisurely and tapped her golden-ringed fingers together.
“I will be teaching you many aspects of defence this year. This is perhaps the most important subject you will ever take. There are many dangers that wizards face in the world. Dark creatures that wish to destroy us for food or for survival. Men that wish to murder us for hatred… or jealousy. It is up to us to understand these threats, and in understanding them, destroy them.”
She allowed a moment of silence to pass before she snapped, “The vampire. Why does it attack? What is its weakness? You!”
She stabbed her finger at one of Lily’s friends, a quiet blonde girl named Gayle. She flushed and blurted out, “Food!”
Professor Cóvas nodded. “And?”
“Oh, weaknesses… um, garlic?” Gayle answered tentatively.
Professor Cóvas sniffed and whirled around, sending her satin robes swirling around her ankles. “Garlic!” she scoffed. “Are you fighting the Dark Arts or cooking cacciatore? Congratulations, you’re dead.”
Gayle gulped and looked to Lily for support, but Lily was at a loss for words. Professor Cóvas continued pacing the floor wordlessly for a few moments and then looked sharply into the class.
“The chimaera. Why does it attack? Who can answer?” she demanded.
Sirius sniggered and whispered, “That’s easy, because Remus killed its family.”
Peter laughed a little too loudly and Professor Cóvas’s sharp eyes immediately focused on him. She walked toward him with slow, deliberate steps until she towered over his chair. “What is your name?”
“P-Peter Pettigrew,” he stammered. He looked unsure whether to be frightened or pleased by the individual attention.
“Well, Mr. Pettigrew, since you are obviously too wise and powerful to be bothered with chimaeras, why don’t you enlighten the rest of the class how to defend yourself against one?”
Peter’s eyes darted to Sirius for help, but Sirius was staring at the professor with a glazed expression. “I’d use… a Stunning spell?” he guessed.
“And you would die as well,” Professor Cóvas said bluntly and walked away. “A Stunning spell would only anger the beast, giving it more incentive to kill you.”
“Too bad, Peter,” James said under his breath. “The correct answer was ‘Remus’s Mighty Sword.’”
Sirius didn’t bother holding back his laughter and Professor Cóvas snapped back around. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you. Would you repeat what you said?”
“It was nothing, Professor,” James said innocently. “I was just telling Peter that he should really pay more attention to this valuable lesson if he wants to succeed in life.”
Professor Cóvas’s lips twisted into a dangerous smile. “I suppose you think you’re quite clever, do you?” James flashed her his most winning expression and she raised a disdainful eyebrow. “Well, if you’re so clever, perhaps you can tell the class how to kill a werewolf.”
Remus felt like he had been punched in the stomach. His heart stopped for a second and he stared determinedly downward at his desk, afraid that anyone who looked into his eyes would see his fear and discover the secret behind it. He wondered if she had found out somehow, though Dumbledore had promised him that Madame Pomfrey was the only one who knew. Out of the corner of his eye he saw James hesitate and glance at him with a torn expression, but Remus didn’t look back. He knew James was seeking some sort of permission, so he forced himself to give a slight nod.
“Come on, clever boy,” Professor Cóvas taunted. “What is their purpose? What is their weakness?”
Though her words cut into Remus like a knife, he felt some relief. She must not have known about him; Dumbledore could never hire somebody so cruel. It was now James’s turn to stare uncomfortably at his desk. “Werewolves are pack animals, and they’re usually separated from their kind,” he said in a strained voice. “They bite humans to spread lycanthropy and form a pack.”
“What a touching interpretation. They’re lonely,” Professor Cóvas said softly with a faint mocking tone. “And how would you use this knowledge in your defence?” Remus held his breath, waiting to hear his best friend recite the different ways to destroy him.
James shrugged. “I don’t know, invite it to tea? Maybe a walk in the woods?”
A wave of laughter broke the nervous tension and Remus couldn’t help but smile. He glanced sideways at James and was met with a secretive wink. Professor Cóvas shook her head regretfully, causing her long golden earrings to jingle.
“So sad, so sad,” she murmured, her heels clicking as she sauntered back to the front of the class. “Yet another death, and I hardly had time to make your acquaintance. I suppose you think you can joke your way out of danger? Or perhaps charm your enemies with song?” Her eyes fell onto Sirius, who managed to look both charming and defiant at the same time.
“As I said, this is a very important year for you,” she continued. “Outside of these castle walls are real dangers, the likes of which you have never faced. Your headmaster believes that four years of training are long enough, and that you are now ready to face true peril in this class. You will no longer be coddled. You will find yourselves in situations where simple Stunning Spells and invitations to tea are quite inadequate. And if you don’t take these dangers seriously, I’m afraid there will be quite a few empty chairs by the end of the year.”
Professor Cóvas allowed a stony silence to envelope the classroom before turning to her desk. She lifted a roll of parchment to reveal the coiled serpent underneath and carefully draped its long body over her arm.
“Now then. Can anyone tell me what kind of creature I’m holding?” She extended her arm in a slow arc in front of her body. “Anyone?”
A girl behind Remus piped up, “A… a snake?”
“Excellent deduction. Perhaps someone can be more specific?” Professor Cóvas waited expectantly, but the class remained silent. “Perhaps not. Very well, this stunning creature is known as a death adder.”
Nearly everyone in the front row pushed away from their desks. Professor Cóvas laughed softly and brought her hand closer to her body. “You were all quite comfortable at the beginning of class. Nothing has changed except your fear of a name.” She stroked the snake’s head soothingly and sat on the edge of her desk.
“Fear. A dangerous ally. Despite its bad reputation, fear is one of our most important weapons against the Dark Arts. Fear is our natural reaction to threat, a sentinel, if you will. Listen to your fear, because that is your mind trying to protect your body. But always regard it as an advisor, not your master. You!” She pointed at Remus and he instantly straightened in his seat. She took several slow steps toward him, holding the snake in front of her body. “Tell me, do you fear Nyoka, my lovely adder?”
“Yes,” Remus answered quickly. He hoped that admitting his fear would be enough to satisfy the point she was trying to make, but she continued her approach.
“Why?”
“Because it’s venomous and it could kill me.” Remus felt that was rather obvious, but he was willing to tell her whatever she wanted to hear if it would keep the snake away from him.
“That’s true, she very well could. But are you a rat?” Professor Cóvas asked mildly and took a step down the aisle. Everyone leaned as far away from her as possible.
“No.”
“Are you a bird?” Another step closer.
“No.”
“Then why would she want to kill you? You would be quite an impractical meal.” She took one more step and stood so close to Remus that he could see his face reflected in the snake’s inky black eyes. He shuddered and closed his eyes instinctively.
“Fool! Open your eyes!” she commanded. “What is there to gain by blinding yourself in the face of danger?”
Remus reluctantly opened his eyes and found the snake now staring interestedly at him. He forced himself to take several deep breaths and concentrated on lowering his heart rate.
“Now tell me,” she said forcefully. “Why do you think Nyoka would want to kill you?”
Remus stared into the snake’s empty black eyes and held back the scream rising in his throat. The thought of its venomous fangs slashing his face made him weak with fear. He focused on the top of its head so that he wouldn’t have to look at its curved mouth or its sinister eyes. Its scales seemed magnified at such close proximity, and he noted how each one was a different colour and how they overlapped like translucent shingles. He was surprised by how small and delicate the scales were, and in that moment he realized the answer she was looking for.
“It fears me.”
Professor Cóvas smiled with satisfaction and drew the snake back to her own body. Remus exhaled a breath that he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
“Precisely,” she said. “Fear, though useful, can also lead us down the wrong path. You and this adder have no reason to harm each other, yet your mutual fear and misunderstanding would lead to both of your deaths. If you ran across my lovely Nyoka in the wild, you would panic, she would panic, she would bite you to protect her fragile body, and you would crush her in your dying vengeance. And why? Simple ignorance.”
She sauntered back to the front of the classroom and held the snake up, stroking its rough head. "Control your fear. It will alert you to danger, but it will also cause unnecessary conflict if gone unchecked. Why does Nyoka allow me to hold her? Because I have no fear of her, no desire to harm her, so she in turn does not fear me. That’s why it is so important to master your own fear and hone it into a heightened sense of awareness. If you can do this, you will avoid needless aggression and gain the freedom to deal with true enemies on your own terms. Hence, our first lesson. Now that I have given you my lecture, it is time for the practical.” Her lips curled into a disquieting smile as she pointed at Remus. “You. Mr.…”
“Lupin,” Remus supplied in a wary voice.
“Mr. Lupin,” she repeated delicately. “Come here.”
Dreading what she had in mind as a practical lesson, Remus walked to the front of the room and stood a safe distance from his professor.
“Do you still fear Nyoka?” she asked.
He watched the reddish-brown snake tighten around her forearm and he shivered involuntarily. “Yes,” he admitted.
“Of course you do,” she smiled. “It is not the absence of fear that we strive for, but control over it. And you will not let your fear dominate you, will you?”
“Erm, no,” Remus answered cautiously, wishing he knew what he was being asked to do before he made any promises.
“No, I don’t believe you will,” she said softly. “Congratulations, Mr. Lupin. You may be the first to kiss Nyoka.”
“What?”
“Just a small kiss on the lips. Don’t be shy, we won’t laugh,” Professor Cóvas teased. No one in the class looked remotely close to laughter. Remus hesitated, waiting for someone to stand up and say, “This is madness, you can’t make him do that!” But everyone sat silently in curious horror.
“Do not disappoint me, Mr. Lupin,” Professor Cóvas admonished, her voice hardening. “I sense a great capacity for courage in you. This is why I have chosen you to go first.”
“But… but it’ll bite me if I get too close to it,” he protested.
“Too close?” she asked in mock concern and kissed the snake softly on its mouth. Nyoka seemed nonplussed by the display of affection. “Was that too close?”
“But she knows you, she doesn’t know me,” he argued, stalling for time.
“Mr. Lupin, I am growing impatient,” she said firmly. “This is the only time this year that you will face a creature that does not actually wish you harm. If you can’t overcome your fear now, then you will never be able to handle the true dangers that await you this year. You will cower and whimper and close your eyes to the threat, making you the easiest of prey.” She paused to let her words sink in and then sighed as if someone had spoiled her fun. “Besides, I have the anti-venom, so you have no excuses left.”
Remus looked uncertainly into the class again. Nearly everyone was white, fearing that they would be the next to be called up. Only Sirius caught Remus’s eye and smiled encouragingly. He raised his fist into the air and mouthed, “Stay strong.” Remus smiled faintly and gave a slight nod.
She has the anti-venom, so I won’t die, he rationalized. And what’s one more scar on my face?
“All right,” he said. A wave of tense whispers swelled as Professor Cóvas held out her arm. Sensing a change in the atmosphere, Nyoka dipped her head and tasted the air with her tongue. Remus took a deep breath and faced her like a firing squad.
“Hi, Nyoka,” he whispered, slowly inching his face towards hers. “You’re a beautiful snake. Really. You’re the loveliest death adder I’ve ever met.”
Nyoka stopped bobbing her head and stood still, watching Remus approach. Remus fervently wished that snakes had more expressive faces so he could gauge her mood. He leaned closer and Nyoka retracted her head warily, darting her black tongue out. Remus froze, afraid that he had moved too quickly. He imagined lightning fast fangs stabbing his face and filling his skin with venom. He flinched and tried not to whimper.
“You are making her nervous,” Professor Cóvas said softly. “Relax.”
Remus exhaled slowly, careful not to blow air onto the snake’s face. “Lovely Nyoka,” he said faintly under his breath. “Beautiful, kind, peaceful Nyoka. You wouldn’t hurt a fly would you?”
Nyoka peered at him curiously. As far as he could tell, she didn’t look upset, so Remus decided to act while she was still agreeable. He held his breath and carefully touched his lips to her cool, dry snout. He squinted his eyes shut, knowing that only a thin layer of scales separated him from her venomous fangs. He trembled, expecting his face to be slashed at any moment, but Nyoka allowed him his kiss. Without opening his eyes, he slowly withdrew his face. Every instinct he had screamed at him to pull away faster, but he knew that would cause Nyoka to panic. After what seemed like ages, he opened his eyes. Nyoka was a safe distance away and he was alive. He saw his classmates staring at him in admiration and his face broke into a tremendous grin. His knees shook, he felt cold and clammy, but he had never felt more alive. It was all he could do to keep from jumping into the air and shouting. He wanted to run around the room and throw papers into the air like confetti.
“That was beautiful, Mr. Lupin. Well done,” Professor Cóvas said and granted Remus a cool nod of approval. He walked back to his desk, feeling considerably lighter, and sat down, unable to shake the grin from his face.
“Now,” she purred. “Who’s next?”
* * * *
“That was bloody brilliant!” Peter exclaimed as they filed out of the classroom. He had been one of the last to go up and was still exhilarated from the experience.
“Brilliant?” James said with disbelief. “That woman’s mad! Really, what kind of lesson was that?”
“Ah, you’re just upset because you’re afraid of snakes,” said Peter.
“I’m not afraid of them,” James said hotly. “I just don’t like them.”
“What’s not to like?” Sirius pressed. “Their long, slithery bodies? Their sharp fangs? Their cold, dead eyes that never blink?” He darted his tongue out of his mouth and James flinched.
“That’s pretty big talk, but I saw you quivering when it was your turn,” he retorted.
“Not me, I found it remarkably easy,” Sirius said. “I just pretended I was kissing my mother.”
Remus laughed. “Now that you mention it, the similarity was uncanny.”
“Come on, Remus,” James said. “You’re not smitten with Professor Cóvas like these two are. Don’t you think she’s mad?”
Remus thought for a moment and answered, “Probably. But I suppose it was a legitimate lesson in the end.”
James shook his head and opened the heavy doors leading out of the castle. They stepped into brilliant sunlight and headed down the steps toward their Herbology class. “I can’t imagine what we’ll be doing next week. Probably fighting off vampires with nothing but a plastic comb.”
“Or wrestling werewolves,” Peter grinned. “We’d better practice on Remus first.” Remus felt a stab of anger as his friends laughed. He knew they meant well, but the shock of hearing his curse discussed in class had not yet worn off. The casual way in which the professor had asked how to destroy his kind made him feel like a Doxy to be exterminated. He noticed his friends exchange glances at his grim face, and guilt crept into his stomach. He knew that his sense of humour about his lycanthropy was unfairly inconsistent; any other day and he probably would have laughed right along with Peter. But there were times when his humour was just not strong enough to mask the pain of his curse.
Peter mumbled, “Hey, Remus, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean””
“It’s all right,” Remus cut him off.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Remus forced a smile. “I’m fine.”
* * * *
The sun hovered lazily just above the horizon, casting long shadows onto the grass. Remus had finished his last class of the day and was enjoying the warmth of the late summer afternoon. He leaned against the trunk of the great oak by the lake while his gaze drifted out onto the water. James lay on his stomach beside him, tossing handfuls of grass into the air and swirling them into a whirlwind with his wand. Down by the edge of the lake, Sirius was helping Peter practice dueling. Occasional cries of defeat and subsequent words of encouragement drifted back to Remus’s ears. Peter was not the quickest pupil, but Sirius’s sense of brotherly protectiveness went a long way towards increasing his patience.
A tickling on his ear brought Remus’s mind back to the present, and he realized that James was raining the grass cloud onto his head. Remus brushed the grass out of his hair and threw a handful back at James with a smile. James smiled back, but he seemed preoccupied.
“So you and Lily have been spending more time together now that you’re prefects,” James said in an odd voice. He plucked a clover and twirled it between his fingers without looking up. Remus’s heart sank; this was exactly what he had been afraid would happen. Why had Sirius intervened? Now James would tell him off and probably never speak to him again. He wondered if he could still be Sirius’s friend even if James was angry at him. Probably not, he thought. Maybe Peter’s?
“Does she ever talk about me?” James asked suddenly. The wistfulness in his voice caught Remus completely off guard. James glanced up and his face wore an uncharacteristic expression of vulnerability.
Remus foundered for a moment, unsure of how to respond. “Umm… sometimes, I guess…” he trailed off, feeling extremely uncomfortable.
James’s face brightened. “Really? What does she say?”
Remus felt he’d rather be back with Nyoka than looking at James’s hopeful face. He wanted to tell him to stay away from Lily, that he wasn’t right for her, but he knew he couldn’t possibly say that to his friend. He was torn between supporting him and telling him the truth, that Lily couldn’t stand him. But was that the truth? It suddenly struck him that despite Lily’s protests, she always seemed to find her way into James’s path and throw herself into their arguments. This new thought unnerved Remus, and he found himself at even more of a loss for words.
“Well?” prodded James.
“Well, you know girls… I mean, who knows what they’re thinking, right?” Remus mumbled.
James’s hopeful smile disappeared and he gloomily ripped up a handful of grass. “She thinks I’m an idiot, doesn’t she?”
Remus wanted to say that she wouldn’t think that if he didn’t act like an idiot, but his silence hung in the air and spoke for him.
“You’ve got to help me,” said James. “Make her give me a chance. She’ll listen to you; she likes you.”
Remus stared at him, wondering if this was some sort of test of loyalty. If Sirius had noticed his feelings, then surely James would have, too. But the eager innocence in James’s eyes told Remus that he was blinded by infatuation and completely sincere.
“Why her?” Remus asked, trying not to sound as if it mattered to him. “Why not any of the other girls in our year who don’t need convincing? Don’t you fancy any of them?”
James shook his head despondently and sighed, “Not like Lily.”
Remus realized he was seeing a side of James that no one else was allowed to see, probably not even Sirius. He was touched by the confidence and his guilt about the previous night intensified. He knew that he could never compete with his best friend for a girl because he would be bound to lose both. But at the same time, he had never met anyone like Lily before and he didn’t know when he ever would again. James could have any girl he wanted, while Remus had to wait for the special few that saw him as a person. But James doesn’t want anyone else, a nagging voice in his head reminded him. He’ll pursue her and he’ll win. You’ll lose both Lily and James, and then Sirius and Peter as well. You’ll have no one.
“Just see what you can do, okay?” said James.
Remus turned his head away. “Of course,” he whispered.
“Thanks,” James beamed. “I owe you one.”
Remus focused his attention on Sirius and Peter to take his mind off the promise he’d unwillingly made. Peter was getting to his feet after being knocked over, apparently not for the first time.
“Faster, Peter!” coached Sirius. “Rule number one, disarm your opponent before they can hex you.”
“I know, I know, I’m trying,” said Peter, sounding frustrated. James’s eyes darted over to them and he grinned mischievously.
“All right, let’s try it again,” Sirius sighed. James stood up and silently crept up behind Peter. Sirius recognized the gleam in his eye and winked. “Wands up! One, two….”
“Three!” James cried and pounced on Peter. “Rule number two, always watch your back!”
Peter toppled to the ground with James on top of him. “Geroff, Potter!” he grunted and struggled vainly, but James just laughed and held on.
“Don’t move, Peter!” Sirius called out. “I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a big, ugly tarantula on your back.”
“Kill it!” came Peter’s muffled reply.
Sirius grinned and jumped on top of James, putting him in a headlock. Peter wriggled out from underneath and aimed his wand, but James was faster. He produced his own wand and chanted, “Wingardium leviosa!”
Peter’s feet drifted off of the ground and he shouted, “Hey, put me down!” He thrashed uselessly in the air while James floated him over the lake. Peter looked down at the water below him and said, “Oh, you wouldn’t da” AHH!!”
James dropped Peter with a flick of his wand and he splashed heavily into the water. After a moment he surfaced, sputtering insults and promises of revenge.
“Don’t worry, Peter! James is coming to rescue you!” Sirius called out.
“Like hell I am!” James protested, but Sirius easily lifted him off the ground and heaved him into the lake. James landed with a flailing splash and Peter lost no time in ducking him underwater. When he resurfaced, they splashed each other until the ducks on the lake flew away in alarm. Sirius quickly unbuttoned his robes and let them fall to the ground.
“Out of the way!” he cried and careened into the water beside them. He immediately joined Peter in splashing James, delighting in being part of the commotion.
James dove underwater and swam away from the onslaught. “Remus! Come help me!” he cried as Sirius and Peter pursued him.
“Sorry, you started it,” Remus called out, watching their antics from underneath the tree.
James splashed his attackers and swam out towards the middle of the lake. “Some friend you are!” he shouted.
Sirius followed James and pulled him back by his billowing robes. “No one can help you now! You’re squid food!” he said gleefully and Peter resumed his relentless splashing.
“Remus!” James sputtered through a mouthful of water. “How can you let them feed me to the squid?”
Remus walked to the edge of the lake and watched James laughing and getting pummeled by walls of water. He wanted to be angry at him for choosing the one girl who’d ever shown him any interest. He wanted to yell that he would never help him win Lily. But Remus couldn’t make himself see the cool, arrogant Quidditch star who was so easy to resent. He saw an eleven-year-old boy grinning at him, the first friendly gesture extended to him at Hogwarts. He saw an expression of acceptance rather than fear when his secret was discovered. He saw a weary face poring over Transfiguration books for hours, tirelessly researching the Animagus spells. And he saw his best friend who had just opened his heart to him about the girl he loved. Remus realized that even if he willingly gave up Lily, it still wouldn’t be enough to pay James back for his friendship.
“Hold on, James,” Remus said, throwing his robes to the ground. “I’ll help you.” He smiled at the look of gratitude on James’s face and dove into the lake.
The Arrival of Padfoot by BlackClaude
Remus found it easy to avoid Lily for the rest of the week. She’d sat on the opposite side of class for years, ever since she received detention for hexing James’s mouth shut. And after the conversation by the lake, Remus had been spending most of his free time studying intently so he wouldn’t be faced with the consequences of his promise. Occasionally he caught Lily glancing his way, looking for an opportunity to say hello, at which point he would bury his face even deeper into his book. Although he spent hours poring over his homework, he found himself reading the same lines repeatedly without absorbing them. Instead, he thought about the promise he had made and wondered whether he’d made the right decision. He couldn’t talk to Lily yet, not until he’d sorted out his own feelings, so he remained in his most natural position, hidden from view.
When Remus woke on Saturday morning, he groggily reached for his Transfiguration textbook without even emerging from underneath the covers. James froze in the middle of pulling his shirt on and stared in horrified shock.
“Remus, it’s Saturday!” he cried. “Sirius already left to go and study; don’t you start, too!”
“Sirius is studying?” Remus yawned.
“Yeah, and he took Peter with him,” James answered in an annoyed voice, wrestling his arms into the sleeves. “They’re off in hiding somewhere, working on the Animagus spells.”
“Really? That’s great,” Remus said with a pleased smile.
“Hey, I know it’s good for you, mate, but this is our first weekend together!” James grumbled. “I wanted us all to explore my discovery together.”
Remus’s ears pricked up and he set his book aside. “What discovery?” he asked curiously. It had been several months since their last adventure together and Remus was feeling a spark of unfulfilled mischievousness. James hopped onto the end of Remus’s bed, considerably happier now that he’d found an accomplice.
“I think I found a new secret passageway in the dungeons,” he confided. “I saw Filch slip out of it last night when I was coming back from detention. I didn’t get the chance to go inside, but I figure we can sneak in now and see where it goes.”
Remus pondered this for a moment. “If it was in the dungeons… you could have found the storeroom passage!”
“That’s what I was thinking,” James nodded excitedly. “Imagine it… all the potions ingredients at our disposal. The professor’s wine supply!”
“We don’t know that there’s really a wine supply,” Remus said practically.
“Well there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?” James grinned. “Hurry up and get dressed; we can go while everyone’s at breakfast.”
Remus hastily pulled on his clothes and followed James out of the dorms, a wave of nervous excitement in his stomach. He loved exploring the secret passageways of Hogwarts. Besides the thrill of being caught, discovering the castle’s secrets made it feel all the more like home to him. Every year they learned more and more by prowling after hours, until Remus was sure that they knew more about the castle than any other student, and maybe even some of the professors.
James led the way down to the cellar and into a long, musty hallway that was lined with suits of armour and burning torches. The reflections of the two boys danced across the shiny metal; one shorter and darker, the other taller and lighter, and both skinnier than was healthy. James stopped suddenly and ran his fingers across an unremarkable section of the stone wall.
“It was here,” he muttered. “I saw a ray of light just as it closed behind Filch.”
James pushed his sleeves up and tapped his wand against the stones. “Alohamora! Patefacius! Expostius! Erm… openus stupidus doorus!”
Remus sniggered and pointed his own wand at the wall. “Well, I was sure that last one was going to do it,” he teased. “Let me try. Eripius! Extricus! Commodus!”
Despite the onslaught of spells, the wall staunchly remained a wall. James frowned and kicked the dusty stones, then tried to hide his pained wince. “Bloody door,” he grumbled.
Remus tapped his chin thoughtfully. “If this is one of Filch’s passages… let’s try Inconcessus!”
A sudden spark of white light illuminated the outline of a door, which swung open with a rusty creak. Remus stepped up to the newly revealed tunnel and laughed out loud. “Good old predictable Filch!”
“Well done!” James cried out. “What was that spell?”
“If you’d paid attention in class, you wouldn’t have to ask,” Remus winked. “After you, Master Potter.”
“Cheers, Master Lupin,” James grinned and led the way into the tunnel. When the door swung shut behind them, they found themselves plunged into complete darkness. Remus whispered a quick Lumos, revealing damp earthen walls and fresh footprints on the ground.
“Brilliant, I bet there’s just been a shipment,” James whispered reverently, walking faster down the long passageway. “Firewhiskey, dark detectors, Quidditch equipment… who knows what else!”
“Plants?” Remus ventured, pointing out the roots hanging from the ceiling. “We must be outside the castle now.”
“Damn, that means this can’t be the storeroom passage!” James cried in disappointment.
“Well, it’s still a way outside,” Remus reasoned. “That’s almost as good.”
After a few more minutes of walking in silence, the ground curved up sharply, leading to a sudden dead end and a trapdoor in the muddy ceiling. James gestured to the handle and offered, “Care to do the honours?”
Remus accepted the lead with a nod and slowly lifted the door above his head. He climbed out onto the sun-warmed earth, his pulse racing with the thrill of discovery, and took in his surroundings. The first thing that struck him was the overwhelming scent of exotic flowers. The small courtyard was filled with colorful blossoms swaying in the soft breeze and perfuming the air. The second thing that struck him was Lily, sitting on a bench in the midst of those flowers, her hair gently blowing in rhythm with the peach roses surrounding her. After the initial shock, Remus almost laughed out loud at the bitter irony. He had spent the whole week trying to avoid her, trying to force himself not to love her anymore, and now she sat before him like a woodland fairy veiled by this enchanted garden. All she needs is for birds to alight on her arms, he thought wryly. James let the trapdoor slam behind him as he crawled out, causing Lily to look up from her book in alarm.
“Remus!” she exclaimed with just a trace of guilt in her voice.
“Evans?” James stood up and quickly ruffled the dirt out of his hair.
“Potter,” Lily frowned. “Where did you come from?”
“Your dreams, love.”
Lily rolled her eyes and ignored him. “I thought I was the only one who knew about that passage,” she said, turning to Remus with a sly grin. “You’re not going to turn me in, are you?”
“We’re here, too,” Remus smiled. “No sense getting us all into trouble.”
Lily winked, causing Remus’s heart to flutter, but not as painfully as he expected. It still hurt knowing that his faint hope of having her was gone, but he found that he had missed her company despite the pain. You can do this, he persuaded himself. Just be her friend. You haven’t lost her if you never had her.
James, tired of being ignored, sauntered forward and leaned over Lily. “And what’s a responsible, law-abiding prefect such as yourself doing in secret passages?” he asked. “I thought that your badge came with responsibilities.”
Lily pointedly slid away from James to the end of the bench. “I’m just studying; that’s hardly a violation of my responsibilities,” she informed him. “I prefer the Potions garden to the common room because, amazingly enough, there aren’t any explosions or flying furniture to distract me in here.”
“Does Filch know you’re here?” James asked innocently. “Or did you sneak in?”
“Does he know you’re here?” Lily snapped back.
“Easy, Evans,” James smirked. “I just think that in light of this… transgression… you should be a little nicer to me about rule-breaking in the future. What do you think, Remus?”
Remus shook his head. James seemed determined to make it as difficult as possible to help him. “First of all,” he advised, “I think that you shouldn’t even begin to compare your rule-breaking to Lily’s.”
“That’s true, she has none of my artistic flair,” James mused, prompting a rather unladylike snort from Lily.
“And second,” Remus emphasized, “I think it would be wise not to taunt someone who’s shown that she’s willing and able to blast you in half.”
Lily blushed at the memory of her violent outburst but maintained her resolute expression. “That’s good advice, Potter. I suggest you follow it. Now if you’ll excuse me, your distractions are what I came here to get away from.”
She dropped her head back down to her book with an apologetic smile directed only towards Remus. James frowned disappointedly, the wheels clearly turning in his head coming up with the most elaborate and obnoxious way to regain her attention. Remus managed to catch James’s eye and mouthed warningly, Be nice! James started to protest but then stopped as he remembered that he had specifically enlisted Remus’s help. He managed to replace his disappointed expression with a helpful smile instead.
“What are you studying?” he asked.
“Why do you care?” Lily said flatly.
“Maybe I can help you,” James offered and plopped onto the bench right beside her so she had no more room to slide away.
Lily stiffened and responded coolly, “Thank you, but I don’t need any help.”
James paid no attention to her refusal. “Transfiguration, huh?” he said, taking the book out of her lap. “You’re in luck, I’m ace at Transfiguration! Watch this.”
He waved his wand at the flowering tree shading them and a moment later Lily’s face was lit with thousands of tiny rainbows. Her eyes widened at the tear-shaped crystals dangling from the branches where the flowers had been.
“That’s lovely,” she seemed hesitant to admit, “but you shouldn’t have done that. That was a scarlet olivaciae; Professor Sullivan collects those flowers for Potions. They’re very expensive.”
“Then I guess I’d better change them back, hadn’t I?” James said and waved his wand once more with a casual flick. The rainbows disappeared from Lily’s face as the crystals transformed back into small red flowers. Lily seemed even more impressed by this; she stood up in awe to touch one of the petals.
“That’s amazing! Did you really recreate the species?” she wondered. “With the same magical properties?”
“Of course,” James bragged. He plucked a flower from the tree and tapped it with his wand. It disintegrated, leaving only a wisp of red smoke. “See? Good as new. So now will you let me help you with your homework?”
Lily hesitated, her skepticism returning. “You’re just going to muck about and spill ink all over my work…”
“Of course I won’t,” James said indignantly. “Just ask Remus.”
“It’s true; he’ll be good. He helps me with my homework all the time,” Remus spoke up, glad that at least that wasn’t a complete lie. On the rare occasion when James sat still long enough to study, he was surprisingly knowledgeable. “Besides, we need to do the assignment too, so we should all do it together.”
Lily’s eyebrows remained suspiciously raised. As she glanced back toward the passage, Remus tried one more time to keep her there. “Please stay. I promise, if he puts one toe out of line, I’ll turn my back and you can hex him as brutally as you want.” James nodded agreeably at these terms.
Though she still didn’t look entirely convinced, Lily finally shrugged her shoulders and replied, “All right, I have some spare parchment and quills. The first question is about retaining the structure of complex proteins between species.”
As James happily read the text over Lily’s shoulder, Remus scratched his name onto the parchment she gave him. He was rather proud that he’d convinced her to stay and given James the time he wanted with her. But you wanted to spend time with her too, didn’t you? a tiny voice in his mind pressed. It’s not just for James, is it?
Quiet, he answered himself. Why can’t it be both?
* * * *
After they’d completed their assignment, James and Remus sat down together for lunch in the Great Hall. They’d invited Lily to eat with them, but she’d politely refused, saying her friends were waiting for her. Remus suspected that she’d simply had enough of James, though. He’d shown off relentlessly while they worked, never noticing how it irritated rather than impressed Lily. In fact, he still had a proud glow as if he’d just accomplished something important.
“I think that went well, don’t you?” James asked brightly, picking the tomato out of his ham sandwich. “I bet she’ll want my help with all her assignments now.”
“Well… maybe,” Remus hedged. “But next time, I wouldn’t worry so much about proving that you’re clever. She already knows you are. I think she needs more convincing of your… kindness.”
“My kindness?” James repeated in confusion. “Of course I was kind, I helped her study, didn’t I?”
A sudden explosion of voices erupted, cutting off their conversation. Remus caught sight of something black and furry streaking into the room before everyone in front of him stepped onto their chairs to get a better look. At the far end of the room, a large, shaggy dog jumped onto the Slytherin table and ran through the food dishes, causing another burst of chatter from the spectators.
“Whose dog is that?” James cried above the din, now standing on his own chair to watch the commotion.
Remus shook his head. “I don’t know; we’re not allowed dogs as pets. But if I had to guess, I’d say it’s a Gryffindor’s!”
The Slytherins were now pushing away from their table and covering their faces to avoid being spattered with the remains of their lunch. The dog had broken nearly every plate and toppled every juice goblet in its frantic circling before it finally came to a rest in front of Bellatrix. It looked her in the eye for just one moment before turning sideways and lifting its leg into the air. Sheer pandemonium exploded in the hall, yet Bellatrix’s scream of unbridled rage rose above it. She bolted up from her seat, wiping furiously at her dripping hair, and ripped her wand out of her robes.
“Avada”“ she began in a wild shriek, but her tablemates pulled her back.
“Bella, it’s just a dog!” they scolded her, trying not to laugh. Bellatrix violently shoved them aside and ran out of the hall, her sodden robes dripping a trail behind her. Uproarious laughter followed her all the way out, but no one laughed harder than James, who had fallen off of his chair and was now pounding the table hysterically.
Remus dried the tears from his own eyes and was still chuckling when he saw the dog leap off of the table and head for the Gryffindors. “Brilliant, he’s coming here now!” he laughed. “Come here, boy, you can have my sandwich for that!”
As if following his command, the dog ran straight for Remus and jumped onto him, putting his large black paws on his shoulder. Surprised, Remus ruffled the fur on the dog’s back and grinned at James, “Well, he’s got great taste. Want to keep him?”
The dog barked merrily, licked Remus’s cheek and ran out the door. “Oh, that was brilliant,” James said again between peals of laughter. “Sirius is going to be furious that he missed it.”
“I know,” Remus happily agreed. “But he was too busy””
He stopped mid-sentence, his mouth agape from the thought that just sprung into his mind. No, it was impossible, it couldn’t be… but the dog had gone right to Bellatrix, and then directly to him. And he’d said he was close…
James shot him a funny look. “What?” he asked, but Remus was already running out of the hall.
A crowd of students had gathered outside, watching the dog run madly in circles. It barked joyously at every passing bird or butterfly, darting back and forth so quickly that clumps of grass flew from beneath its paws. Remus pressed his way through the crowd and cautiously walked across the field toward the exuberant animal. The dog had just ripped up a mouthful of daisies when it spotted Remus and came bounding over in a shaggy flash.
“Ooof!” Remus cried as the heavy dog knocked him to the ground. He felt a flurry of rough paws and hot dog breath on his face.
“Careful, he might be mad!” Frank called out from the crowd, but Remus ignored him. He concentrated on the dog’s black eyes instead, looking for any sign of his friend inside.
“Sirius, is that you?” he whispered, feeling a little foolish. The dog panted rapidly as if it were laughing, then Remus could have sworn he saw one of its eyes wink under its long fur. His heart leapt, but he had to make sure he hadn’t imagined it.
“Bark three times if it’s you,” he said, barely able to keep the excitement out of his voice. The dog jumped off of Remus, spun around in a circle, and barked loudly three times. Remus let out a whoop of joy and tackled the dog, rolling it over onto the ground.
“You did it! I can’t believe you did it!” he cried, tears of happiness forming in his eyes. “You’re mad! You’re brilliant, but you’re mad! I can’t believe you did it!”
Remus never knew it was possible to feel this happy. After three years of suppressing his excitement for fear that his friends wouldn’t be able to master the Animagus spells, he finally allowed all the joy to flood into him at once. He would never be alone again. He repeated the thought over and over, the thrill of the words never waning. Never alone, never again. Never, ever again! Remus threw his arms around the dog even tighter, drying his tears on his warm fur.
“You’re brilliant,” he whispered, ruffling the fur around his ears. “You’re absolutely, bloody brilliant.”
The dog licked his cheek again and then instantly jumped up and began barking more madly than ever. James and Peter were running towards them, James with a shocked expression and Peter smiling importantly.
“Peter told me! I don’t believe it!” James gasped, goggling at the black dog prancing proudly in front of him. “You did it! You great shaggy beast, you did it!”
James dropped to his knees and embraced Sirius, mussing his fur and admiring his soft, padded feet. The crowd, now satisfied that the dog was neither mad nor dangerous, edged closer with renewed interest.
“Is that your dog, Remus?”
“How’d you sneak him in?”
“Don’t let McGonagall catch him; she’ll send him back.”
“Where are you going to hide him?
“How’d you get him to piss on Bellatrix?”
“Can I pet him?”
“Sure, go right ahead,” Peter said to the pretty blonde girl who’d asked to pet him. “He’s Remus’s dog and he’s very friendly.”
“He’s just precious,” the girl raved. “I’m so glad you sneaked him in, Remus! Oh look, he wants a belly rub!”
She knelt down next to Sirius, who was now twisting on his back with all four legs in the air. “What a good doggy!” she cooed, alternately rubbing and kissing its belly. “What a sweet, little” oh! He nipped my bum, the naughty thing!”
Peter choked, trying to stifle his laughter, but the girl didn’t mind. She giggled too and wrapped her arms around the dog. “Such a pretty boy!” she glowed, kissing its cheeks. “I’m just mad about dogs!”
“And he’s just mad about you, too,” James said, trying very hard not to laugh as he watched Sirius lick her face quite thoroughly.
Remus’s cheeks were starting to hurt from grinning for so long, but he couldn’t have stopped if he tried. That is, until he saw Dumbledore striding towards them with a grim expression. When the crowd saw him, they scattered in all directions, not wanting to be associated with the contraband pet. Remus couldn’t breathe. He felt as if tremendous walls were crashing in on him, even in the wide open field. Dumbledore looked far too upset to be confronting them about merely sneaking in a dog. He knows, Remus panicked internally. I can see it in his face. His dream was shattered, just as soon as it had come true.
Dumbledore swept past Remus and knelt on the ground to inspect the dog up close. Remus exchanged petrified looks with James and Peter over his head. When Dumbledore straightened up, his severe expression was tinged with doubt.
“Gentlemen,” Dumbledore spoke gravely, “when Mr. Black sees fit to show himself, I want to see him in my office.”
Without another word, he turned swiftly back to the castle. Remus remained frozen even after he’d gone, as did James and Peter. Sirius paced nervously, making soft whining noises. James laid a comforting hand on his head and whispered, “What are we going to do?”
Peter wrung his hands, whimpering, “He’s going to expel us! We’re all going to Azkaban! Sirius, you have to run away right now!”
“Let’s just calm down,” Remus said, though his heart didn’t follow his own advice. “Let’s go back through the kitchen passage. There’s a dark corner there where Sirius can change back, and then we’ll go see Dumbledore. We’ll tell him” well, I don’t know what we’ll tell him. But we’ll come up with something. Maybe Sirius will just be expelled, and not arrested.”
Nobody looked pleased by the idea of the lighter, but still devastating, punishment. Sirius gently bit James’s sleeve and tugged him towards the castle. They walked in stony silence to the deserted wall by the passage where Sirius concealed himself in the shadows. After watching him sit still with his eyes closed for several minutes, Remus nervously whispered, “Erm, he does know how to change back, doesn’t he?”
“I-I don’t know!” Peter stammered. “He ran out right after he turned into the dog. He hasn’t tried to change back yet.”
All eyes turned to Sirius, who bared his teeth and gave a low growl. The others took the hint and turned around, giving him some space. Three agonizingly long minutes later, Sirius’s shaky voice spoke up, “I’m back.”
Remus breathed a huge sigh of relief, which was echoed by James and Peter.
“That was amazing,” James said in an awed voice. “A dog! I should have known you’d be a dog.”
“It was amazing, wasn’t it?” Sirius smiled ruefully. “And now I’ll have a fun trick to keep me busy in Azkaban.”
“Don’t say that!” Remus reproved. “Dumbledore’s not going to send you to Azkaban. We’ll tell him you did it for me; he’ll understand.”
Sirius shook his head. “Then I’ll just be expelled, won’t I? Where will I go? I’ll be damned if I’m going back home, and I can’t stay here.”
“You can’t go, you just can’t!” Peter fretted. “It’s not fair! Why should you be expelled for accomplishing something so difficult? You should be given a medal!”
Sirius laughed bitterly, “I like your style, Peter. Don’t go in begging for forgiveness, demand a medal instead. I’ll let you know how that works.”
Peter shrugged sheepishly and the others fell into a tense silence. No one seemed to know what to do or what to say.
“You probably shouldn’t keep Dumbledore waiting,” Remus said quietly. “Are you ready?”
“There’s no sense in waiting,” Sirius sighed. “I’ll meet you back in the dorm afterwards. If I’m expelled, I should at least be allowed to gather my things.”
“We’re not meeting you anywhere, we’re going with you!” James insisted, but Sirius immediately shook his head.
“No way. As far as Dumbledore knows, you lot had nothing to do with this. And as much as I like your company, you’re not getting chucked out with me.” Sirius gave them a half-hearted smile and then disappeared into the passage.
* * * *
Half an hour had gone by since Sirius left for Dumbledore’s office and the tension in the dorm room was unbearable. Peter hadn’t stopped pacing since he came in. He wrung his hands, whispering to himself, “It’s taking too long, far too long. Oh, this isn’t going to be good. What if he finds out about all of us? What’s going to happen? He can’t expel all of us, can he?”
“Shut it, Peter!” James snapped. “Worry about Sirius, not about us. He’s the one in trouble.”
Remus buried his head under his pillow. “This is all my fault. I knew it was too dangerous; I knew something would go wrong. Why did I let you do this?”
“You didn’t let us. This was our choice; we knew the risks!” James said sharply.
Remus fell silent; James was obviously too edgy to listen to them torture themselves. The only sound in the room was Peter’s shuffling feet.
“I’m sorry,” James sighed a moment later, putting his head in his hands. “I didn’t mean to snap at you two. I just can’t take this waiting!”
Peter suddenly stopped pacing and stared at the door. “I think I hear footsteps!”
Remus listened; he heard the footsteps, too. They came heavy and fast, with a sense of urgency. Or was it anger? The door flew open so forcefully that Remus winced in apprehension of Sirius’s rage. However, an ecstatic Sirius ran in instead, shooting fountains of colourful sparks into the air with his wand.
“Have I told you lot how simply marvelous I am?” he sang.
“Only every day,” James said, beginning to grin. “No expulsion, I take it? No Azkaban?”
“Not even a spanking from McGonagall!” Sirius said triumphantly.
For the second time that day, Remus let out a tremendous whoop of joy and jumped into the air. “Brilliant, how on earth did you get out of that one?” he cried.
“Well, it took some convincing on my part,” Sirius grinned. “I was very nearly expelled… for using the Imperius curse on an animal!”
They burst into relieved laughter as Sirius continued. “Dumbledore was convinced I was hiding somewhere, controlling the dog to defile Trixie. I’ve never seen him so upset with me, even though I kept insisting the dog was just very well trained. Finally he stared straight into my eyes and asked me for the absolute truth. I knew he was using Legilimency so I concentrated as hard as I could and said, ‘I did not use the Imperius curse on that dog.’”
Peter’s eyes shone in awe. “And that worked? You actually tricked Dumbledore?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Sirius laughed heartily. “He could tell I was hiding something, but I convinced him I wasn’t using an Unforgivable curse. Once he believed me, he just told me to keep the dog off school grounds and suggested I look into a career in animal training.”
“Incredible!” Remus laughed. “Only you could have performed an illegal transformation in front of Dumbledore, pissed on your cousin, bitten a girl’s bum, and then come away with nothing but career advice.”
Sirius shrugged proudly. “I told you I was marvelous, didn’t I?”
“You’ve got a marvelous ego, that’s for sure,” James said, but it was clear by his grin how relieved he was that he wouldn’t be separated from his best friend.
“Well, this calls for”ow!”drinks all around!” Peter announced, digging a box out from underneath his bed and hitting his head on the way out. “Wish we had some Firewhiskey, but butterbeer will have to do.”
Remus opened the bottle that Peter handed to him and took a long draught of the fizzing drink. He smiled peacefully as the warmth spread through his body, remembering only a week ago when he had yearned for a butterbeer on the way to the Shrieking Shack. It seemed so long ago, as if it were a different world. It was a world of frustration, loneliness and emptiness. He vowed that he would never look back.
Meanwhile, James had a different vision of the new era they were entering. “First stop, the girls’ dorms, second, the forest, third, Hogsmeade…” he listed, his eyes shining brighter with every new idea that occurred to him. “You can go anywhere!”
“Don’t forget the Shrieking Shack,” Peter said in a dramatic tone. “Do you think you’re ready to face the wolf, Sirius?”
“Ready, are you kidding?” Sirius scoffed. “I can’t wait! I’ve always wanted to see Remus with his fur and fangs flying.”
“That’s because you’re a lunatic,” Remus said wryly, but he grinned at the thought. For the first time in his life, he was almost looking forward to his next transformation.
“A toast,” James announced, holding his bottle into the air, “to Sirius Black. Lunatic. Prankster extraordinaire. Living legend. And now, man’s best friend. Hogwarts has no idea what it’s in for!”
Sirius bowed with a grand flourish while Remus and Peter laughed and raised their own bottles in his honor. Their voices rang out in unison, “Sirius Black!”
_______________________________________________________
A/N: Thanks to my loyal readers who waited two months for me to update! Thanks also to MagicalMaeve and Kaltaru, my immensely helpful betas, to MJ, Fatima, Ashwinder and Lex for sealing Bella’s fate, to Kaltaru for writing a spell for me, and to Fatima again for supplying me with a one dollar synonym for “waffled.”
Confrontation by BlackClaude
Author's Notes:
A million thanks to my betas Lilithboadicea and MagicalMaeve for getting this chapter off the ground. And thank you too to my readers who came back after such a long break. I promise never to keep you waiting so long again.
“Hee hee, stop it, that tickles.”
James chuckled softly and twisted in his sleep, almost kicking the large, black dog at the end of the bed that was licking his feet. Peter paused his hair-combing long enough to snigger at this now-familiar scene. Ever since Sirius had escaped detection by Dumbledore, he had thrown himself vigorously into his new canine persona.
“Put that pudding away, the house-elves are coming,” James mumbled, burrowing deeper into his pillow. Sirius pricked up his ears in mock alarm and Remus couldn’t help laughing, which finally roused James from his heavy slumber.
“Huh, wha...? Ugh, Sirius, I told you that’s disgusting!” James moaned, yanking his foot away from the dog’s panting tongue.
Sirius transformed into human form and repeated, “Pudding?”
“Oh no, don’t you make me out to be the weird one here,” James argued, though he did look embarrassed. “You were licking my feet. You’re still a human, you know.”
“Only sometimes,” Sirius said blithely and shrank back into dog form. He leapt onto James’s bed and shook himself into a furry blur.
“All right, all right, I’m getting up!” James cried, shielding his eyes. “You’re getting fur everywhere, you shaggy mutt!”
Sirius transformed back just long enough to ruffle James’s hair and retort, “You’ve got a lot of nerve calling me shaggy.” Then the next instant, he was bounding in circles around the room on four legs again, tearing the blankets off all the beds and shaking them vigorously in his mouth. Peter and Remus laughed as James crashed into his bedside table trying to tackle the agile dog. When he finally succeeded, Sirius wriggled out from James’s arms and licked his feet again.
“Argh! Quit it, you sick bastard!”
Peter hooted with glee, “Isn’t this great, Remus? I always wanted a dog!”
“I don’t know, I’m beginning to think cats are underrated,” Remus replied with a smile. “They’re so nice and quiet. Goldfish, too.”
He finished gathering his schoolbooks and called out more loudly, “Peter and I are going to Defence class now. You can keep licking the pudding off James’s feet, Sirius. We’ll send Cóvas your regards.”
“Wait, I’m coming!” Sirius said, instantly transforming back into a human. “Ugh, James, get your feet out of my face.”
“You couldn’t keep your tongue off them a second ago!” James said exasperatedly. He pushed Sirius aside and hastily pulled on his school robes.
“I was a dog then.” Sirius rolled his eyes at James’s ignorance. “You wouldn’t understand. But maybe someday you will, if you’re lucky enough to become a majestic canine like me.”
James laughed as he finished putting his shoes on, then grabbed his books out of his trunk and followed the others out of the room.
“Majestic my arse,” he said. “I’d never be a dog. From now on, it’s my life’s ambition to turn into a flea so I’ll be the one to never give you a moment’s peace.”
*
The heavy door had just closed behind Remus when the silver clock signalled the beginning of class. The four boys grabbed the last remaining seats in the back of the room, sitting quickly before they could be punished for being late. Professor Cóvas didn’t notice, however, or didn’t care.
“Homework,” she announced, languidly extending one hand. “Three… two…”
Dozens of parchments flew from the class into her open hand. Remus, who hadn’t had time to unpack yet, saw his own assignment wrestle itself out of his bag and soar forward with the others.
“One.” Professor Cóvas licked her fingertip and casually flipped through the pages in her hand. “And how did we do this time? Good, good, illegible, fair, terrible, misspelled, good, and… abysmal.”
Remus recognized Peter’s scrawl on the last page she turned to and vowed to help him more on the next assignment. Leaving him to his own devices had not instilled the sense of responsibility Remus hoped it would.
“I hope you paid attention while writing your essays, because today we’re putting the theory into practice.” Professor Cóvas drew her wand and caressed invisible circles in the air with its tip. Words appeared on the blackboard, detailing the incantation and effects of their latest curse.
While Professor Cóvas was turned to the board, Sirius slipped a small, folded piece of parchment onto Remus’s desk. Remus unfolded it and read, “Three days!”
Smiling wryly, Remus wrote underneath it, “You’re awfully excited about your imminent demise,” and passed the note back. Sirius read the message, smirked, and scratched another one.
“Are you kidding? I bet I’m bigger than you.”
“Maybe, but I guarantee I’m meaner.”
“I’m a Black; we invented mean.”
Remus chuckled and tried to think of a witty reply when the parchment burst into flames in his hands. He yelped and thrust his singed fingers into his mouth, belatedly aware of Professor Cóvas’s icy glare upon him. With a quick flick of her wrist, she vanished the words from the blackboard.
“Passing notes in class, Mr. Lupin?” she said. “How very tiresome; I thought you were above such foolishness. Please, reassure me that my original judgment of you was sound and explain the Soporus curse to the class, thoroughly.”
“Whew, better you than me, mate,” Sirius muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
Remus ignored him but silently agreed; he had spent considerable time studying this particular curse and was certain that Sirius had not.
“The Soporus curse,” he began, recalling the textbook, “hinders the victim’s body and gives them a sense of vertigo and frightened confusion, making their movements slow, clumsy and unbalanced. It’s said to be like walking into a nightmare, where your body won’t respond to your mind. It leaves the victim helpless to protect themselves from further attacks.”
“Expertly recited without a trace of originality, Mr. Lupin. Have you experimented with this curse yet?”
“No, Professor,” he said. “We haven’t been shown the counter-curse.”
“Haven’t been shown the counter-curse.” she repeated with a smirk. “In my school days, we were much more adventurous.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow and plucked a dog hair off his robes.
Professor Cóvas continued, “It’s simply a short, jabbing motion with the wand, as such, and Reinveo! Nightmare over. Please practice it together now.”
“Reinveo!” the class dutifully repeated and Professor Cóvas nodded.
“Now everyone pair off. I want you all to experience the fear and paralysis of this curse so you can understand what it is you’re defending against.”
“What is it with this woman and fear?” James grumbled as he turned in his chair to face Remus. “She’s such a nutter.”
Remus shrugged and said, “Odds.”
The two boys held out their fists, shook them, and then both extended two fingers on the third shake.
“Damn.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,” James teased. “Ready? Soporus!”
Remus felt a wave of nausea ripple through his body, as if the whole world had lurched sickeningly around him. He tried to turn his head to look around, but it flopped and rolled on his neck like a useless weight.
“Ok, your turn now,” he slurred thickly, but he couldn’t tell if he’d actually made an intelligible sound. He plodded heavily toward James, nearly falling over as he shifted his clumsy weight from foot to foot. He struggled to move his arms and legs through the air, as if he were wading through treacle. A sense of claustrophobia threatened to overtake him, trapped as he was by the invisible bonds of the curse.
“Enough,” he managed to croak. Then, with a point of James’s wand, Remus stumbled backwards, his head cleared of the confusing fog and his limbs buoyantly free. He raised his arm and wiggled his fingers in wonder, feeling as though his entire body were lighter than air.
“You all right, mate?” James asked with concern.
Remus nodded, straightening his robes with an invigorated smile. “Better than all right. The curse is a drag but the after-effects are delightful.”
“Well, come on then,” James grinned and threw his arms wide. “Hit me, I’m ready!”
But his grin disappeared at the sound of a sudden thump, followed by a choked gurgle of pain. Erica Wilson, a quiet, dark-haired girl, had crumpled to the floor in front of Gayle, pawing loosely at her broken nose which was spurting blood down her pale face. She let out a low moan as her hand flopped clumsily into her injury, worsening it.
“Reinveo! REINVEO! Professor!” Gayle shrieked. “Professor! She fell over and hit her face on the desk! I can’t lift the curse; please help her!”
Professor Cóvas allowed herself the faintest of sighs before speaking “Reinveo” and stabbing the air with her wand. Erica’s low, choked moans instantly sharpened into a wail and her now agile hands flew to cradle her bloody face.
“Stop crying, Miss Wilson, and let me look at you,” Professor Cóvas said, swooping down upon the scene and gripping Erica’s chin. “If you don’t move your hands, I won’t be able to heal you. There, that’s hardly a fracture.”
Professor Cóvas pulled a vial of black powder from her robes and sprinkled it liberally over the swollen nose. The bleeding stopped almost immediately and Erica’s wails subsided to a woeful hiccup.
“Go to Madam Pomfrey; she’ll set the bone,” Professor Cóvas ordered. “And on the way, do think about keeping better control of yourself! Being cursed is no excuse to fall about the place and bleed on the floor.”
Erica nodded tearily and left, wiping her face on her sleeve. Professor Cóvas turned on Gayle with a stern look. “Why, precisely, did you not lift the curse?”
“I- I tried, ma’am!” she stuttered. “I was nervous; it didn’t work!”
“You were nervous?” Professor Cóvas mocked. “Tell me, what’s the name of this class?”
“Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor.”
“Correct, not Duelling Club Practice or Jinxes To Annoy Your Siblings. Defence! When your enemies come for your life and you watch your friends dying before your eyes, how ‘nervous’ do you think you’ll be then?”
Gayle’s lip merely quivered in response.
“No fear, no distractions!” Professor Cóvas went on, facing the rest of the class. “Even when you are surrounded by screams of agony and rivers of blood, you clear your mind and you fight!”
“Blimey, she’s a right ball of sunshine, isn’t she?” James muttered to Remus. Remus stifled a chuckle and held his face in what he hoped was a serious and thoughtful expression.
Professor Cóvas glared at the class’s stony faces and sniffed, “I suppose you won’t truly understand until you’ve experienced it. And believe me, one day you will. But until then, I expect you to master distractions.”
She reached into her desk drawer and pulled out a large handful of Filibuster fireworks. With a toss and a flick of her wand, the classroom exploded in a cacophony of shrieks, bangs and whistling fireballs.
“Carry on,” Professor Cóvas shouted, barely audible over the explosions.
Remus and James exchanged a surprised look as a rocket zoomed between them with a shower of gold sparks.
“Well, what do you know? She’s starting to grow on me,” James grinned. “Now it’s my turn. Give me your best shot.”
Remus found it extremely difficult to concentrate at first with the explosions all around him, but after a while the fireworks lost their novelty and they became merely annoying instead of surprising. James and Remus were able to curse and counter-curse each other with ease by the end of class, ignoring the crashes and bangs.
After the silvery bell chimed at the end of class and the fireworks fell dead to the floor, Remus packed his bag and followed James out of the room, Sirius and Peter close behind. Lily walked out of the door after them, holding her head in her hands.
“Are you all right, Lily?” Remus asked, coming to a stop beside her.
She looked up and smiled wanly. “I’m fine, just a bit dizzy still.”
“I bet your partner didn’t counter-curse you properly,” James spoke up. “I can do it for you.”
“No. Thanks, but I’m fine.”
James looked as if he wanted to argue, but at a sharp glance from Remus, he merely said, “Walk with us to Herbology, then. Get some fresh air.”
Much to Remus’s surprise and delight, Lily accepted and fell into step beside them. Sirius raised a meaningful eyebrow at Remus over her head, to which Remus responded with a slight shrug. True to his word, he’d not told Sirius about his promise to James. He wondered what Sirius would say if he knew Remus had only worked up the nerve to approach Lily when it was to win her for someone else. He imagined “fool” and “coward” would be top on the list of words used.
“Poor Erica,” murmured Lily. “I’m not surprised that curse ended up hurting someone. I hope Madam Pomfrey can heal her nose.”
“I know, it looked terrible,” said Peter, turning a bit green. “All that blood…”
“Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. Madam Pomfrey’s healed worse,” Remus assured them.
A cold voice sneered behind them, “Wilson’s in the hospital wing again? That’s twice in the first month!”
Remus turned around sharply to find Severus leaning against the wall with Calder Morrow, a burly sixth year Slytherin. Both wore cruel yet amused smirks. Calder responded disdainfully to Severus, “Mudbloods. Already embarrassing themselves among the real wizards.”
“Ten points from Slytherin,” Remus ordered. “And the use of that word is grounds for being reported to your head of house.”
“Is that so?” Calder narrowed his dark eyes, then sauntered into the middle of the hall and faced him with defiant scorn. Remus drew his wand from his robes, feeling a rush of adrenaline in his veins. Lily stepped beside him, her own wand already out.
“Move on, now, or we’ll take you to Slughorn personally,” she commanded.
Severus sniggered behind the massive form of Calder and cast a disparaging look between them. “I don’t know about your… background, but in wizarding families, we’re taught to respect our superiors. I suggest you try it unless you want to end up in the hospital wing, too.”
Faster than Remus could respond, James shoved past him with his wand out.
“How dare you threaten them, you foul bastard,” he snarled, just as Sirius yelled, “Shut your mouth, Snape, or I’ll curse you into a grease spot on the floor!”
Severus laughed as Calder stepped forward, pointing his wand menacingly between Sirius and James.
“It’s wise of you to try to surround yourself with more powerful wizards, Lupin,” said Severus, his eyes glittering coldly. “But surely you could have done better than this filth.”
He cast a disgusted look upon Sirius, whose jaw clenched tightly.
“Feeling pretty safe behind your muscle-headed lump, aren’t you, Snivellus?” James spat. “Weren’t quite so cheeky on the train, were you? Taranta”“
“NO!” Lily yelled and pushed James away with surprising strength. He stumbled backward and his half-formed curse bounced harmlessly off the ceiling. “Stay out of it, Potter!”
Calder, seizing his opportunity, aimed his wand at Lily’s unprotected back and began to utter a curse. Remus instantly shouted, “Expelliarmus! Petrificus totalis!”
The disarming spell flung the wand out of Calder’s hand, but Severus managed to block the body binding spell and counter with a nasty hex that flew inches from Remus’s head. Sirius let out something like a war cry and hit Severus with a powerful spell that knocked him off his feet and slammed him into the wall. His pallid face went slack as he crumpled to the floor in a daze. Calder grabbed his wand from the ground and fired a spell at James, who shouted angrily as the red jet of light singed his arm.
Lily cast a quick Stunning spell on Calder and the heavy Slytherin fell to the floor, just as James fired back with a hex of his own.
“All right, it’s over, that’s enough,” she panted. “Potter, I said that’s ENOUGH! BLACK, STOP! Expelliarmus!”
James and Sirius were still cursing the fallen Slytherins with fury when their wands exploded out of their grasps. Peter’s hopeful grin vanished and he glared at Lily.
“Hey, why the hell did you do that, Evans?” Sirius demanded, rubbing his hand.
“They’re down, Black!” she said furiously. “It’s over!”
“It is not over,” Sirius retorted. “That prat’s still got his wand, hasn’t he?”
Severus was indeed still brandishing his wand vaguely in Sirius’s direction, but judging by the blank expression on his blood-streaked face, it was clear he wasn’t up to producing any intelligible spell. Remus’s stomach turned at the sight.
“You know perfectly well he can’t fight back!” Lily snapped at Sirius. “How could you be so… so savage?”
“Me?” Sirius kicked Calder’s leg. “He’s the one who tried to curse you when your back was turned! You should have been worrying about him instead of attacking the people who were fighting on your side.”
“Potter wasn’t fighting for anyone’s side and neither were you!” Lily yelled.
“I was defending Remus,” Sirius said, his voice low but his eyes narrowing dangerously. “And you, for that matter.”
“From two unconscious people?” Lily bit back.
“No, from that ‘pureblood’ bollocks! I won’t let that scum treat my friends or anyone else that way!”
“Oh, come off it,” Lily snapped. “Like you really give a damn at all what half-bloods go through. You just want to hide your bullying behind a cause! You’re as cruel as they are!”
Sirius glared at her incredulously for a second and then let out a contemptuous laugh.
“As cruel as they are?” he repeated. “Do you even have any idea what these monsters are like? Your world is Hogwarts and the Muggles, Evans! Some greasy git calls you a nasty name between classes and you think you’re at the front of the battle, don’t you? Well, try coming home with me sometime and I’ll show you how much worse it gets! If you even knew the half of it”what these people think! What they do to people like you and Remus! Bloody hell, Evans, spend one day in the real world with these people and you’ll be bloody ashamed for ever defending them!”
With one last disdainful glare, Sirius swept down the hall. He didn’t look back even when Lily shouted after him, “I may not know what’s happening in the real world, Black, but I do know that cruelty will only make it worse! If you care at all, like you say you do--”
But Sirius had disappeared around the corner, leaving Lily fuming at the corridor full of wide-eyed students. Only then did Remus notice the crowd of people that had gathered to stare at them.
“Move along,” he directed them. “Go back to class. We have it under control now.”
The crowd dispersed reluctantly, several students grumbling and glancing back over their shoulders to make sure they weren’t missing any more action. A few younger students stared at the crumpled Slytherins on the ground, cast frightened looks at Remus, and ran away.
James put his hand on Lily’s trembling shoulder and said softly, “Evans, calm down, it’s”“
“Don’t touch me, Potter!” Lily snapped, jerking away. “And don’t you dare try to play nice; you acted just as terribly as Black did!”
“Calder hexed me first!”
“No, you hexed him first and missed, and then you hexed him while he was unconscious,” Lily said scathingly. “Well done, Potter. I’m sure your idiot fan club will be lining up any minute to tell you how incredibly brave you were.”
James looked stung. Lily continued in a disgusted voice, “Come on, Remus, I’m going to need help moving these two to the hospital wing.”
Remus glanced at James, who was holding his burnt arm and glowering at Lily. “Maybe you and Peter should find Sirius,” he said quietly.
“Right,” James muttered, and with a defiant toss of his head, stalked off down the hall with Peter close behind him. Lily watched them for a moment with pursed lips and then shook her head.
“Mobilicorpus.”
Severus rose limply from the ground on her command, and she directed him forward with her wand poised like a conductor’s. Remus followed suit with Calder’s heavier form and walked beside her down the hall.
“You all right?” he asked after a few minutes, breaking the edgy silence.
“Yes,” Lily replied shortly. Then in a softer voice she added, “Sorry, yes, I’m fine. Thank you, by the way. You saved my back.”
“Of course,” said Remus. “Thank you… for saving theirs.”
Lily grimaced and said nothing. When they reached the hospital wing, Remus recalled the last time he was there and how shocked he was to see the burn Bellatrix had left on Lily’s forehead. Now he cynically wondered why he’d been surprised. From the day he arrived at Hogwarts, the rift between the pure-blood separatists and the Muggle-born had consistently widened. Every year it seemed more violent outbursts erupted between students about their respective backgrounds. Remus had fortunately been spared most direct confrontation because few wanted to incur the wrath of James and Sirius, but he still found the growing trend disturbing. And by the troubled frown on Madam Pomfrey’s face when they led the unconscious Slytherins into the hospital wing, Remus knew he was not the only one.
“Lay them down on the beds,” she sighed. “What happened this time? Or do I even need to ask?”
Remus glanced across the room at Erica, who was sitting on a bed and patting her swollen nose in a mirror. “Just another fight, ma’am.”
Outside of the hospital wing, Remus and Lily exchanged a reluctant look about their final prefect duty. Remus would have been perfectly happy to put the whole matter behind them, but he knew they had one last stop.
“Slughorn?”
Lily pulled a face. “Yeah, I reckon we have to.”
Though Remus never enjoyed meeting with Slughorn, whom he found shallow and insincere, he was curious to finally see his office. It had reached a certain level of fame among the Hogwarts students, reports of it ranging from “brilliant” to “ridiculous.” Remus and Lily travelled down the stone staircase to the dungeons, faster without the weight of the Slytherins, and came to a stop in front of Slughorn’s door. Remus knew without asking that it was the right one by the crystal bell dangling on a long, silver chain.
“Enter!” Slughorn called after Lily awkwardly jiggled the chain. Remus opened the door and stepped into the most luxuriously furnished room he’d seen outside a museum. A gleaming, mahogany desk sat in the centre of the room, covered with expensive-looking trinkets and ornately framed photos of Slughorn with various celebrities. Rich, velvet drapes hung from the wall, though there were no windows, and an upright piano took up most of one side of the room. On the other side, under a particularly elegant tapestry, his Potions instructor sat comfortably in a winged armchair, munching raspberry truffles from a small, gold box. His face, merely quizzical at the sight of Remus, broke into a jovial grin when Lily stepped into the room.
“Lily, what a delight! I told you you’d be back to see me, didn’t I?” Professor Slughorn winked, setting his box of truffles onto a carved ivory table beside his chair. “You’re here about tonight’s party, of course?”
“No, Professor,” said Lily with a fixed smile. “I told you I won’t be able to attend. We’re here on duty about two of your students.”
Ignoring the last sentence, Slughorn shook his finger at Lily and admonished, “I’m disappointed in you, my dear! Why, I was just telling Malcolm Smethwyck that you’d be attending and he was quite interested in meeting you. You do know his father, don’t you? Alden Smethwyck, founder of the”“
“Professor, Severus Snape and Calder Morrow are in the hospital wing,” Lily broke in. “They called a Muggle-born girl a Mudblood, which began a rather violent fight in the hall.”
Slughorn looked perplexed and annoyed by the abrupt change of subject. “Eh? Snape and Morrow? Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Always thought they were a rather unpleasant sort. I assume you took points off them?”
Remus nodded. “Yes, Professor, ten.”
“Well, that and their stay with Madam Pomfrey ought to teach them a lesson,” Slughorn said decidedly, helping himself to another truffle. “Now then, Miss Evans, about tonight”“
“Sir, it was James Potter who cast the first hex,” Lily persisted. “Both he and Sirius Black escalated the fight beyond reason. I believe they both deserve detention.”
Lily cast a sideways glance at Remus. He felt a twinge of annoyance that she wouldn’t let the matter go, though he had to admit that she was right. But to his relief, Slughorn merely chuckled.
“Black and Potter! Now there’s a talented pair. I’m sure Snape and Morrow have certainly learned a lesson if they were involved.”
“But Professor, if they’re allowed to hex people without”“
"Lily, your dedication to your prefect duties is admirable,” Slughorn smiled. “But it was just a fight! I’ve been a professor for thirty years and seen more than my share. 'He said this, she turned me into that!' A couple of blows and hexes, and then it's all out of their system. Let’s not waste any more time worrying over it."
Lily exhaled, her face falling into resignation. “Yes, Professor.” With a sullen shrug at Remus, she walked out the door, the small bell tinkling as she left.
“Stop by again any time, my dear!” Slughorn called out merrily. Remus followed behind her until Slughorn beckoned him back. “One moment! Remus Lupin, is it?”
Remus paused in the door way and looked back. He nodded, surprised that Slughorn even remembered his name.
"You’re friends with Sirius, aren’t you?" Slughorn’s eyes twinkled slyly. "What’s it going to take to get that boy down here for one of my dinners?"
Remus coughed. "I'm sure Sirius is flattered by your invitations, Professor. All of them. But you know he can't stand to be in the same room as Bellatrix, let alone most of the other Slytherins in your club."
"Nonsense, he's a Black! He belongs with Slytherins!” Slughorn declared. “I've always said the Sorting Hat was off its mark that day. But never mind that, just give him this, my boy, and tell him I expect to see him shortly!"
Remus took the glittery parchment from Professor Slughorn's hand and shoved it into his pocket, taking care to crumple it. Normally he'd have saved the invitation to place on Sirius's pillow for a laugh, but he doubted that would be well-received today.
“I’ll see that he gets it, Professor,” Remus lied and left the office. Outside, he spotted Lily waiting for him in the hall, a troubled look creasing her brow. He braced for the inevitable, a lecture about his friends’ irresponsible behaviour and a promise to see them suitably punished. But on closer examination, he saw that she looked more brooding than vindictive.
“What’s wrong?” Remus asked.
“Do you think…” Lily began slowly, as if reluctant to voice her thoughts, “do you think Sirius was right? About what’s happening in the world?”
Remus hesitated; he hadn’t expected that question. “I don’t know. I’m pretty… isolated at home during break. But the reports of violence outside are only getting worse and the atmosphere in Hogwarts seems to be reflecting that. I’m afraid we don’t even know the half of what’s really happening.”
“But what can we do?” Lily pressed. “We have to do something!”
“I don’t think there’s anything we can do. At least, not yet.”
Lily’s fingers twitched restlessly at her sleeves. “I hate feeling so helpless! I can’t just sit still and watch our world self-destruct. Merlin help me, sometimes I do want to blast away every Slytherin in this school side by side with Sirius and James. I know that wouldn’t help anything, but damn it, I want to do something!”
Remus understood her frustration, her feelings of powerlessness. He wished he knew how to fight against such an intangible enemy as prejudice. Merely representing half-bloods in a capable, responsible light seemed laughably ineffective, yet what else could be done? What other weapons could they use to defeat the contempt in others’ minds? Though he had no answers, Remus fervently wished he could think of something, anything, to ease Lily’s distress.
“Here,” he said. He dug an apple from his bag, and after a few seconds’ recalling his lesson on fruit, transfigured it into a teacup. She took it from him with a confused expression.
“Throw it against the wall,” he offered. “You’ll feel better.”
Lily’s face relaxed into a surprised smile. “You’re not serious?”
“Of course I am,” Remus grinned. “It’s easy enough to clean up. I’ll even reform it for you if you want another go.”
“You know,” Lily said, tossing the teacup in the air and catching it again. “I think it’s been just a rotten enough day…”
She threw the cup as hard as she could at the stone wall, wincing a little as it exploded into a cloud of shards with a mighty crash. Looking at the shattered pieces on the ground, she let out a nervous laugh.
“Very nice,” Remus nodded approvingly. “That’s an excellent mess you’ve made. Reparo!”
The teacup was too far damaged to be completely repaired, but Remus held out the tatty reconstruction anyway. “Feel better yet, or do you need another?”
Lily laughed fully this time and threw her arms around him, almost causing him to drop the teacup in shock.
“Oh, Remus,” she said, her face pressed against his shoulder. “Thank you.”
Remus hesitated, then lightly put his arms around her. “Any time.”
The Moonlit Battle by BlackClaude
Author's Notes:
Thanks again to my beta, LilthBoadicea, and to guest beta LexTaylor. This has been my favorite chapter to write so far, so I hope you enjoy it. Remus awoke late in the morning, a throbbing headache unnecessarily reminding him that the full moon would rise that night. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, the blurry figure of James coming into focus before him.
“Morning,” he said hoarsely, reaching for the glass of water on his bedside table. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”
“It’s almost lunchtime; I’ve already been to three,” James informed him, tossing his bag onto his bed.
“Perfect,” Remus muttered. He checked his watch and rubbed his forehead with a wince. “I really needed to go to Potions today.”
“It’s all right, Sirius took notes for you. Peter and I decided that if he gets to have the fun tonight, he gets to do the work,” James said with a trace of jealousy in his voice.
“You’ll get to have fun soon enough, too,” Remus reminded him. “Aren’t you even closer than ever now?”
“Well, I did end up with a stripe of fur down my back the other day,” James said, brightening a little.
“See? You’ll be there in no time.”
“I suppose.” James stared at the floor and sighed. “I just always thought we’d do it together, you know? I knew Peter wouldn’t make it as quickly, but I always reckoned Sirius and I would both be there for you the first time. And now I’m going to have to sit it out.”
Remus saw the disappointment on James’s face and felt a wave of sympathy. “I’m sorry, mate. I wish you could be there, too, but it’s just lousy timing. I’m positive you’ll be ready next month.”
James still didn’t look consoled, so Remus added, “Look, I’m just going to end up eating Sirius anyway. At least this way your life will be spared.”
“That’s true,” James said with a small smile. “My Quidditch fans would be devastated.”
Remus laughed. “Why don’t you use tonight to talk to Lily? Maybe you could smooth things over with her.”
James’s face fell back into a glower and he crossed his arms moodily. “Not bloody likely. She won’t even look at me, let alone talk to me, and I’ve had just about enough of trying to get through to her.”
“Because of the fight with the Slytherins?” Remus asked. “Do you want me to talk to her?”
James shook his head. “Don’t bother. I know you’ve tried, but it’s hopeless. It was pretty stupid of me to ask for help, anyway. I should have known she’s just impossible to please. ”
Remus opened his mouth to give James advice, but he didn’t quite know how to phrase what he was thinking. You’d find her much easier to please if you stopped acting like a child and treated her the way she deserves to be treated. Unable to say that out loud, Remus turned over instead and covered his face with his pillow. The light streaming through the windows was beginning to hurt his tired eyes, but also, he wanted to conceal the flicker of hope on his face. Perhaps he’s giving up, he thought. And if he is, what then?
“Enough of her. I’m going to meet Sirius and Peter for lunch,” James said. “You feel up to coming?”
“No, thanks, I’m just going to rest here,” Remus answered. The thought of actually standing up and walking was too daunting, even for food.
“All right, the Potions notes are in my bag if you insist on studying. See you.”
After the sound of James’s footsteps left the room, Remus sighed and turned over once more in a vain attempt to find a comfortable position for his aching limbs. It was no use; he felt as though he’d been hit by a blunt stick all over and he knew it would only get worse as the day went on. Wishing for something else to occupy his mind, he retrieved his wand from his bedside table and pointed it across the room.
“Accio bag!”
Upon its arrival, Remus dug inside for Sirius’s notes, but the first parchment he pulled out appeared to be James’s Charms notes. Remus scanned them to see what he’d missed, but after the date and the name of the charm, all he found were several games of Hangman and a sketch of a dung beetle with Severus’s face. Remus was about to toss the parchment aside when he noticed a solid, dark scribble in the bottom corner. Curious, he held it up to the light and squinted to see if there was something underneath that James had crossed out. Turning the paper slowly, Remus finally made out the imprint of a drawing. It was faint, but he recognized who it was at once. James had captured the shape of Lily’s eyes, the fall of her hair, the curve of her neck, as if he had been studying her face for years and knew its every nuance.
Remus put the parchment down slowly. James hadn’t given up on her, and he never would, no matter how long it took him to win her. It was naive to have thought otherwise. He pushed the bag aside, no longer in the mood to study, and closed his eyes. After a long while, sleep returned to silence the racing thoughts in his mind.
*
“I can’t believe you’re actually going with Remus tonight!” Peter said, his eyes shining enviously. “Are you nervous?”
“Nervous? Why would I be?” Sirius smirked. “Remus is my friend; he’d never hurt me.”
Remus lifted his head from his Potions textbook and cast a warning look at Sirius. “Don’t get cocky. The wolf isn’t your friend.”
“Oh, he will be, once I show him I speak his language.” Sirius threw his head back and howled at the ceiling, much to Peter’s delight. James rolled his eyes with a faint smile, and then turned back to the star chart he’d been completing. He’d been quiet ever since he’d returned to the dorm with the others after their last class.
“Well, Remus, how about it? When can we go?” Sirius asked for at least the fourth time that day.
Remus smiled at his enthusiasm; it was nice to have someone actually look forward to his transformation. “I know you’re excited, but it’s still early,” he said. “I’d rather wait here than in the shack.”
“But I’m bored,” Sirius complained. “Tell him, James.”
“Remus, please take him now,” James said dutifully without looking up from his homework.
Remus closed his textbook and sat upright, grimacing at the effort. “Well, Sirius, if you’re bored, let’s go over the rules again.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and groaned, “We’ve already been over them a million times.”
“We all know them by now,” Peter added.
“Just once more, as a reminder,” said Remus. “Please, Sirius, I don’t want to put you in any danger tonight.”
Sirius sighed resignedly and droned, “Rule number one, no one sees me from the time I leave this room until I come back tomorrow.”
Remus nodded emphatically. If they were caught going to the Whomping Willow together, they’d both be expelled on the spot, no questions asked. Luckily, Sirius had both James’s invisibility cloak and his Animagus form to disguise himself, but the risk was still great enough that Remus felt the need for caution.
“Rule number two…” Sirius paused. “I don’t like this one.”
“Rule number two,” Remus repeated firmly, “if I end up hurting you?”
Sirius pulled a face at the affront to his pride. "Then I Apparate out of the shack, taunt you through the windows, and run to safety."
"You're sure you know how to Apparate?" Remus persisted. "Even under pressure?"
"Of course, I learned how when I was thirteen," Sirius said dismissively.
Peter shook his head in awe. "If you already know every spell, why do you even bother with classes?" he asked.
Sirius shrugged. "Girls, mostly."
“Of course,” Remus laughed. “And rule number three?”
“I get furry the instant the sun sets and I don’t go human again until sunrise, even for a second, even if your back is turned, even if I’m in no danger whatsoever, even if I just want to pet your tail and there’s no way you’d be fast enough to bite me”“
“Sirius!” Remus shouted, rapidly feeling all control of the situation slipping through his hands.
“What? I’m telling you I’m not going to turn human.”
Remus frowned; he knew that Sirius was only showing off, but he had yet to show any appreciation for the danger he was about to be in. Remus didn’t think Sirius’s reckless streak had ever encountered anything like a werewolf before and he was beginning to worry that he would prove too much for him. He was hesitant to press the matter any further, though; already he was afraid what Sirius must think of all his years of effort being rewarded with nagging.
“Well, that’s it, then. We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?” Remus grinned, allowing the excitement to grow inside of him again.
“Absolutely; you’ve waited long enough for us to be ready. Let’s head out!” Sirius exclaimed and pulled the invisibility cloak out of James’s trunk.
Remus checked the clock on the wall. “But it’s not even time for dinner yet.”
“I’ve packed food,” Sirius said, slipping the silvery cloak over his head and disappearing beneath its folds. “Anyway, how can you expect me to sit still in the Great Hall right now? Let’s go, I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“I think the dog has spoken,” James spoke up. Remus glanced at him quickly, but was relieved to see that he wore a genuine, if wistful, smile.
“All right, Sirius, you win,” Remus said. He rose carefully out of bed and stretched his painful joints. Sirius’s disembodied voice gave a whoop of triumph somewhere in front of him.
“Good luck tonight, both of you,” James said. “And be careful.”
Peter nodded fervently. “Tell us everything tomorrow!”
“Thanks, we will,” Remus promised and staggered out the dorm, Sirius following silently behind him.
The common room was filled with people who had just finished their own classes. Remus quickly plotted the most open path to the door and followed it, taking care to avoid eye contact with anyone who might come say hello and trip into Sirius. He had almost made it out the door when one voice distracted him from his goal.
“Hi, Remus!” Lily called from the couch. “Did you sleep through class again?”
Remus turned around and then cursed himself for not just pretending he didn’t hear her. Sirius poked him in the ribs impatiently.
“Hi, Lily,” he stammered. “Sorry, but I have to go.”
Lily looked confused but nodded, her eyes a bit more suspicious than Remus was comfortable with. Telling himself he was just being paranoid, Remus left the room through the portrait hole, making sure to hold it open slightly longer for Sirius to pass through. Luckily, the halls were much emptier and they were able to reach the Hospital Wing without anyone exclaiming about running into an invisible form.
“Now keep close and stay quiet!” Remus breathed almost inaudibly. He stepped inside the door, scanned the seemingly empty room, and eventually found Madam Pomfrey in the supply room.
“Hello, Madam,” he said.
“Goodness, you startled me!” Madam Pomfrey exclaimed, dropping the bandages she was folding. She peered curiously through her glasses at Remus. “You’re early. You’re never early.”
Remus shrugged weakly and made a show of leaning an unsteady arm against the wall for support. “I think I’d rather make the trip now before I feel any worse,” he said and cleared his throat with a fragile cough.
Madam Pomfrey leaned in and examined Remus’s face closely. “You don’t look well,” she declared. “You’re flushed. Lie down; I’ll have a look at you.”
“No!” Remus said quickly. “I mean, no thank you. I’ll be fine, Madam; I’d just rather not put the trip off. You know, no sense delaying the inevitable.”
Madam Pomfrey looked as if she were about to argue, but her face softened and she relented, “All right, come along.”
She took Remus’s elbow and led him to the back of the room where the secret passageway to the outside lay. After a few precise taps of her wand on the wall, Madam Pomfrey pushed open the newly-revealed door and guided Remus through it first. Trying to conceal his panic, Remus watched Madam Pomfrey step outside behind him and close the door. He’d intended to go through after her so he could hold the door for Sirius. Had she left him enough time? Remus wasn’t sure, and he had no way to find out.
Outside, the sun shone brightly, though fall had brought a crispness to the air and colour to the leaves. Around the corner, Remus heard the laughter of students in the courtyard, enjoying the last of the good weather. Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips.
“It’s too busy outside this time of day,” she muttered and promptly tapped her wand on Remus’s head. Remus shuddered as the cold sensation of the Disillusionment charm spread down his body. Madam Pomfrey disappeared likewise beside him, and Remus was struck with a new concern. If Sirius had fallen behind, would he be able to find them now? Their plan suddenly seemed a lot more fallible than it had before.
Madam Pomfrey took Remus’s arm once more and led him across the grassy field to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, keeping a watch for observers on the way. Remus strained his ears for the sound of Sirius’s footsteps following them, but he heard nothing. He hoped that was just a credit to Sirius’s stealth and not a sign that he had been separated.
When they reached the Whomping Willow, Madam Pomfrey chanted “Premo,” sending a spark of light from her wand to the base of the trunk. A second later, the immense branches froze mid-sway.
“Good luck, dear,” Madam Pomfrey said, releasing Remus’s arm.
Remus hazarded one quick look behind him for any sign of Sirius, though he didn’t know what exactly he was looking for. Nothing indicated that he and Madam Pomfrey weren’t completely alone, though, so Remus walked forth into the roots before his hesitation began to look suspicious. Once he’d slipped inside, Remus lifted his Disillusionment charm as Madam Pomfrey had taught him.
“Sirius?” he whispered. A heavy nudge on the leg answered him, followed by a short bark. Remus let out a sigh of relief and reached in front of him, lifting the invisibility cloak off of his friend’s shaggy back.
“I didn’t hear you at all!” Remus exclaimed. “I was afraid you got left behind!”
The dog lifted his chin rather haughtily, a pose that remained even after he rose into human form. “I was right behind you every step,” Sirius bragged. “Padded feet work wonders, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do, and you’re going to get into a lot of trouble with them,” Remus grinned. “Come on, Padfoot. Wand out.”
They each illuminated their wands and started off down the narrow tunnel, hunched over, until Sirius grew tired of crouching and transformed again. He trotted comfortably behind Remus, who carried both wands in front of him. The additional light made the tunnel look different; softer, less foreboding. Remus had managed to forget the actual transformation and was looking forward to the evening until they finally reached the rough, wooden door. The solid familiarity of it flattened his excitement, reviving the dread of every past journey to this point.
“About time!” Sirius said cheerfully after transforming and taking his wand back. “Come on, I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place.”
Sirius pushed the door open, releasing a waft of musty air that spilled into the corridor. Remus followed him inside the shack, watching Sirius’s expression as he took in the broken furniture, the gouged floors, the shredded, bloodstained walls.
“Creepy,” Sirius declared, touching a finger to one particularly deep scratch with fur matted into it.
“Yeah, I know,” Remus said, suddenly embarrassed. The wreckage looked worse to him now that it was being seen through someone else’s eyes. He had a brief impulse to tidy up, or at least to defend himself. This wasn’t me. I wouldn’t have done this.
Sirius didn’t seem to mind the destruction, though. He pointed his wand at a pile of rubble in the corner, forming two chairs from the broken lumber. Sitting down on one, he pulled a bottle of firewhisky from his pocket and tossed it to Remus.
“Cheers!” Sirius said with a wink as Remus caught the bottle. “I thought we should celebrate properly.”
“I should have known,” Remus smiled. He opened the bottle, sniffed the contents and winced.
“Don’t smell it; drink it,” Sirius ordered. Remus pulled a face and took a sip, trying not to cough. He’d never acquired a taste for firewhisky. Though Sirius raved about the smoothness of Ogden’s Old over other brands, it all tasted like bubotuber pus to him. He forced down another swallow and handed the bottle back to Sirius.
“You’ll still be able to transform, won’t you?” Remus cautioned him.
“Has it ever stopped me before?” Sirius countered, taking a long swig. Remus had to admit that Sirius’s magical abilities had not yet been impaired by drinking. Though his judgment in which spells to use and on whom to use them hadn’t always been sound, he’d always executed them marvellously.
Sirius threw his head back for another drink while Remus sank down onto the chair beside him, shivering pleasantly as a wave of warmth coursed from his stomach throughout his body, dulling the ache in his muscles. He took another sip when Sirius offered the bottle, wincing only a little, and closed his heavy eyelids. His head had begun to spin and he felt as if he were melting into his chair. It would be so easy to sleep, so easy…
“Hey!” Sirius protested. “It’s going to be a long, boring night if I have to spend it with a sleeping werewolf.”
“Trust me, I’ll wake up at moonrise,” Remus grunted and rubbed his temples. He heard Sirius make an impatient noise and rustle in his cloak, and then he felt something being placed on his knee. Opening one eye, he looked down and saw a raspberry scone.
“All right, I can be bribed,” Remus smiled and opened the other eye. “I’ll stay awake as long as you feed me.”
He took a hungry bite of the scone while Sirius produced the rest of the picnic, chicken sandwiches, apples, fairy cakes, a flask of pumpkin juice and an assortment of sweets.
“Wow, you came prepared,” Remus said and polished off the rest of his scone.
“It’s a momentous occasion, isn’t it?”
Remus nodded, his mouth full, and reached for the pumpkin juice. Sirius bit into a sandwich, staring thoughtfully downward at the scratched wood beneath his feet.
“You know, I’ve always wondered…” Sirius hesitated and eyed Remus cautiously before plunging forth. “How did you get bitten? You’ve never told us the story before. I always assumed you didn’t want to talk about it, but, well, while we’re here…”
Sirius gestured vaguely to the shack, looking both apologetic and curious. Remus exhaled deeply. He was actually surprised that none of his friends had asked him before, but now that the question was posed, he didn’t particularly want to answer. It wasn’t a memory he enjoyed reliving, but Sirius was right; it was time.
“I was seven,” he began slowly, “and my parents were fighting again. They always fought about my dad’s job back then. I remember my mum yelling at him about putting the family in danger and my dad telling her she was over-reacting. I don’t remember the details since I didn’t much care what they were fighting about. I just wanted to get away from it, so I went outside. Neither of them noticed.
“I was playing in the yard when I saw this man walk up to the front of our house. I’d never seen anyone like him before. He was huge, wild-looking, with this long, matted hair and sunken, yellow eyes. And he was staring directly at me… like he’d been waiting for me. I could have turned back so easily and gone inside. I see it over and over in my mind, and it seems so perfectly clear now.” Remus shook his head bitterly, the familiar resentment creeping back. “I was only seven and there was a terrifying man in front of my house. I should have run, screamed, or at the very least walked two steps inside and shut the door! But I was young. I’d never met an unfriendly person in my life. And I sure as hell didn’t want to go back inside where my parents were fighting.”
Remus paused and drank from the whisky bottle again, though he was already feeling more than tipsy.
“He walked up closer to me, very slowly. I was just beginning to get scared enough to leave when suddenly he was right above me. I opened my mouth to ask him his name, but nothing came out. That’s when the first light of the moon shone over the horizon. He stared into it and then looked back at me with a horrible grin, showing long, yellow fangs. And he said in this awful, raspy voice, ‘What do you know of darkness, boy?’
Sirius looked stricken. “He did it on purpose?” he whispered disbelievingly.
Remus gave a short nod and continued, “When he transformed, I was too terrified to run. I couldn’t move a single muscle, not even to breathe. I’d never seen anything so horrifying. And then he attacked. He leapt on top of me, pinning me to the ground…”
Remus’s mouth dried as he recalled the next terrible moments. He didn’t know how to put it into words, the terror of being prey, the violation of the wolf’s hot, rancid breath on his skin, the excruciating pain. He had heard people describe their own severe injuries, saying that it happened too fast or that they were too shocked to feel anything but cold. Remus, however, had felt every claw tear his skin, every fang sink into his flesh and rip it open, even the crunch of tooth on bone. He felt it all, and still felt it when he closed his eyes and allowed the memory to haunt him.
“He bit me,” Remus said unsteadily after a moment, “several times. Mostly my arms and legs as I tried to fight him off. If he’d bitten my neck, I would have surely died. But my parents heard my screams and ran outside immediately, saving me from the worst. My dad attempted the killing curse on the werewolf, but it just injured him enough to make him run away. My mum was frantic. She tried calling for an ambulance, but my dad hung up the phone and Apparated us all to St. Mungo’s. I don’t remember much after that; I passed out somewhere along the way from blood loss. The next thing I knew I was waking up in a strange bed, covered in bandages, and my mum was standing over me, weeping her eyes out. She kept moaning the same thing again and again, ‘His life is over. His life is over.’”
Remus shook his head and couldn’t help but laugh. “Hell of a thing to say in front of a seven year old, isn’t it? I really don’t think she could have scared me any more. It was hard… on top of everything else, realizing that I couldn’t count on my mum anymore. I knew she’d never be strong for me when I needed her.”
Sirius nodded slowly, his eyes glazed over with dark understanding. Remus knew he was all too familiar with parents failing him from a young age as well. They sat in tense silence for a moment until Remus couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Enough of that!” he said loudly, startling Sirius into the present. “It’s getting far too morose in here. You promised this would be fun, remember?”
Sirius smiled tentatively. “Sorry, mate. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s all right,” Remus shrugged resignedly. “It was a long time ago. Everyone’s got problems; mine’s just furrier than most.”
Sirius laughed at this, as did Remus, relieved to break the tension. Helping himself to a cake, Remus glanced outside and was surprised to see the sun already dipping close to the horizon. He smiled despite himself; even reliving his worst memory, Sirius’s company had made this time far less lonely and frightening.
“Get ready,” Remus said, nodding toward the window. “It’s almost time.”
“I’ve been ready all night,” Sirius grinned, transforming quickly into a dog and back again to prove it. Then, more seriously, he added, “Is there anything I should do when it happens? Any way that I can help you?”
“Not really,” said Remus, although he had already thought of something. He felt rather foolish saying it out loud, but he knew he could trust Sirius not to laugh. “But just this time, do you think, maybe… you could not watch?”
Another memory had just surfaced in his mind, one he hadn’t thought of in a long time. He was eight years old, bound in chains in his cramped, musty garden shed, watching the fading sunlight stream in through a gap in the window. Then through that same gap, a pair of eyes had slid into view. He’d recognized them at once as his neighbour’s, a coarse, critical woman with a large mouth. A second pair of eyes had soon followed; her loathsome friend who loved a scandal almost as much as she did. They both stared with revulsion at Remus, at his chains and scars, while trading excited glances with each other. Remus had hung his head, too confused to cry. He hadn’t understood why, even after it was clear that he had seen them, they continued to stare at him, unabashed, as if he were nothing but an animal in a cage. He hadn’t understood why they didn’t even bother to conceal their morbid glee from him. A human, he had thought, deserved that much.
Luckily, Sirius agreed without asking for an explanation. Remus felt a rush of gratitude; he knew that Sirius had been especially curious about the transformation itself and that to give it up so easily, he must have sensed Remus’s anxiety. Together, they watched in silence as the sun disappeared behind the horizon and behind them, out of view, the first rays of the moon began to emerge.
“Any moment now,” Remus said needlessly.
Sirius nodded and transformed without further prompting. He pushed his furry head against Remus’s hand and gave it a quick lick before settling into the corner of the room, face to the wall, his tail thumping nervously on the ground.
One tense minute later, a thunderbolt of pain descended upon Remus. Even after so many years, the intensity always came as a shock. He cried out and clutched his head, feeling as if it might burst. Distantly, he heard a soft whine come from the corner and he clenched his teeth together to keep from screaming. Sirius wouldn’t see the horror of the transformation and Remus was determined not to let him hear it, either. For a while he managed to keep silent through the burning agony until he felt every limb tear apart and lengthen at once. Remus could not fight it any longer; the scream that had built up finally escaped and he forgot why he had suppressed it in the first place. The madness had taken over his thoughts, obscuring everything he knew except the pain.
*
After a whirl of confusion, the dark fog lifted, leaving his mind clear at last. Though his skin still prickled painfully under his bristling fur, he knew that the worst of the Awakening was complete. Now he had to face the real torment, the cruel night spent alone in this hollow, echoing cage. He growled with mad fury at the walls enclosing him. What force was it that ripped him from his dreamless sleep, only to trap him in this horrible prison, so desperately alone? Though he couldn’t remember a time he wasn’t bound inside, he knew to the core of his being that he belonged under the moon. The scant beams of light that travelled across the floor every night served only to torment him. He threw back his head and howled with the rage of separation.
A glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye shocked the wolf. A dog was cowering in the corner of the room, its tail hung low but its eyes daring to stare directly into his. The wolf instantly bristled and let out a warning growl, concealing his shock with an aggressive front. Where had this animal come from? Never in all his time in this place could he remember an intruder. Continuing to growl, he paced forward and sized up his foe. It was certainly larger than him, though it lacked fierceness. He felt confident that he could dominate it. The very moment he decided that, he sprung forward onto the dog without warning and latched his teeth around its neck.
The dog yelped in pain, a sound of weakness that the wolf savoured. He’d longed for the taste of another’s blood in his mouth, for the feel of flesh yielding under his teeth, almost as much as he’d longed for the moonlight. He clenched his jaws harder, hoping to elicit more satisfying whimpers from the dog. Yet to his surprise, he found himself hurled backwards onto the ground by a forceful shake. He picked himself up and lunged again, but this time the dog was ready and met him with snapping jaws of its own. They each locked onto each other, grinding teeth against thick fur, until the dog pushed the wolf away roughly with its heavy paws. The wolf fell to the ground, panting, and braced himself for an attack from above, yet the dog only stepped backwards, wagging its tail.
The wolf righted itself and growled lowly, his hackles raised. He was perplexed by the dog’s behaviour, and for some reason it enraged him more than predictable aggression would have. He sank low onto his haunches, loading his powerful leg muscles, and then leapt forward, aiming his fangs for the dog’s throat. But before he could land his killing blow, the dog sidestepped the onslaught and brought his foreleg down bluntly onto the wolf’s nose. Furious, his eyes tearing from the blow, the wolf bared his fangs and let out an ear-splitting howl as the dog pranced away across the room.
For what felt like hours, the wolf continued launching attacks which the dog defended against but did not escalate. Though initially frustrated at being unable to make the kill, the wolf derived satisfaction from the challenge. Every blow he landed, every bite of flesh in his mouth fulfilled his savage hunger. Even the wounds he received from the dog were almost gratifying, coming from a true battle and not his own solitary madness.
At last, when the wolf had expended his last bit of strength, he took one step backwards and then sank onto the floor. He didn’t fear being attacked while he was down; the dog had had plenty of opportunities to go on the offensive but had never taken them. But still, he was relieved to see his opponent limp to the corner and collapse as well. For a long time they lay there, panting heavily, eyes never leaving each other.
Eventually, the wolf’s energy returned, and with it, his thirst to fight. He staggered to his feet, snarling, and witnessed with pleasure the fear that passed through the exhausted dog’s eyes. With renewed strength, the wolf bounded across the room and descended upon his quarry, who had not recovered as quickly and suffered for it. The increasingly one-sided battle raged as the moon travelled its arcing path, only ending when the sky began to glow in the east.
A pained howl gave way to a human cry, and Remus collapsed heavily to the floor. With a low whine, his former prey swayed on bleeding feet and crumpled beside him. While Remus moaned, his mind awakening to the world around him, the dog heaved one long, shuddering sigh and then lay very still.
The Light of Day by BlackClaude
Author's Notes:
Thank you, LilithBoadicea, Jeograph, and especially Ennalee for helping me resurrect this chapter. “Sirius...”
Remus mumbled the word, his cheek pressed uncomfortably against the gritty floorboards. He squinted against the daylight, dim though it was, and rubbed his pounding head. Every muscle burned and ached as usual, but his mind felt strangely at rest. There were no haunting remnants of madness or fear; instead, he remembered invigoration... and an odd sense of fulfilment.
“Sirius?” he tried again, anxious to hear what had happened during the night. A tiny movement in the corner of his vision caught his attention. Blinking his eyes into focus, he saw a dark red line of blood winding a path through the dust mere inches in front of him. His eyes followed the trickle to its source, finally coming to rest upon the dog lying several feet away, unmoving.
“Oh,
shit! Sirius!” Remus got to his knees faster than he thought possible and bent over his friend, ignoring the sharp pain and dizziness that threatened to make him black out again. “Are you all right? Transform! Say something!”
The dog whimpered faintly but still did not move. Remus shook him gently by the shoulders and felt wet, matted clumps in the thick fur. He pulled his hands back and stared with growing dread at the blood dripping from them.
“No... I didn’t...” Remus moaned. Though he knew he couldn't have passed on his lycanthropy as long as Sirius had been in animal form when bitten, that did nothing to assuage the threat of serious, even fatal, injury. “Sirius, wake up!”
With a grunt, the dog melted into the form of a severely battered human. Remus's stomach dropped at the sight of the now-visible injuries. Sirius was covered with long scratches and tears, most of them bleeding profusely, some deep enough to show what looked horribly like muscle. His eyes opened halfway and then hazily focused on Remus.
“I was right,” Sirius said hoarsely, smiling through bleeding lips. “I'm bigger. But I'll give you meaner.”
Exhaling a rush of air, Remus pushed down the panic that had risen in his chest. “Don't move,” he ordered, his voice shaking slightly. “I can take care of this.”
“It's not that bad,” Sirius mumbled, but Remus ignored him. He took a quick survey of the wounds, thankful to find that most were only on the limbs, and began chanting “
Episkey” over the worst injuries first. They didn't heal completely, but at least the blood was not flowing as freely as it had been. He moved on to the more moderate scratches which, he was relieved to see, closed more effectively.
“What happened, Sirius? Why didn't you Apparate?” Remus demanded after he finished the last spell.
“Because I was fine,” Sirius said obstinately. “I
am fine.”
“You are not fine; you're a bloody mess! Rule number two, you were supposed to Apparate if you got too hurt!” Remus said, an edge rising in his voice. He located the half-empty bottle of whisky and poured some onto the hem of his robes, then began wiping away the streaked blood.
“I'm alive, aren't I?” Sirius countered, inhaling sharply as the alcohol dripped into his cuts. “They're just a few scratches; you're making a fuss over nothing.”
“Would you bloody well look at yourself?” Remus shouted, throwing his robe down in frustration. “I almost tore you apart! How could you let me do this to you?”
Sirius was silent for a moment. Finally, he said, “I didn't want to leave you. You would have done this to yourself if I weren't there.”
Remus instantly felt terrible and regretted his outburst. “I'm sorry. I’m so sorry, I just never wanted to hurt you like this.”
After he’d finished cleaning the blood away, Sirius didn't look as ghastly. Most of his wounds were tenuously healed, and Remus had bound the rest tightly with strips of whisky-soaked fabric severed from his robes.
“Can you walk?” Remus asked.
“Of course I can,” Sirius groaned and pushed himself up onto his elbows. “But out of curiosity, do you happen to know any counter-curses for being beaten with a furry club?”
“No counter-curses, but this should help the pain,” Remus said, offering him the last of the firewhisky.
Sirius's scratched face broke into a grin and he drained the bottle in one long swallow. “Drinking before breakfast? Remus Lupin, you're a bad influence.”
As they trudged back through the tunnel to Hogwarts, both moving rather more slowly than they had the day before, Remus observed Sirius’s uneven gait with a heavy mind. Every limp reminded Remus of how irresponsible he'd been; he of all people should have known that his transformations were far too dangerous for company, Animagi or not. He’d gotten caught up in his friends’ excitement and let them convince him that they would be safe, but in the harsh reality of morning, the truth was clear. He couldn't allow any of them to spend the full moon with him again. If he could trust them to run when they needed to, it might be different, but Sirius was not the only one with a foolishly overwrought hero complex.
After letting that thought circle his mind for a moment, Remus sighed inwardly. He was being was unfair. Foolish or not, Sirius's reckless disregard for his own safety had allowed Remus to wake up with peace of mind, something that sounded small but had previously been unthinkable. And the sacrifice Sirius had made to grant him that... Remus couldn't throw away such a generous gift.
So instead, you'll repay him by ripping out his throat, his conscience nagged him.
Wishing only for a distraction from his conflicting thoughts, Remus was relieved to see the end of the tunnel appear. When the ceiling grew high enough, Sirius transformed back to human form, his face tinged with grey but lit with exhilaration.
“I'll see you later,” he said cheerily, beginning to duck underneath the invisibility cloak. “We'll come visit this afternoon after you've had a rest.”
Remus shook his head as he took the cloak out Sirius's hands. “No, you won't. I'm going with you.”
“But you need to go to the Hospital Wing,” Sirius said with a puzzled expression.
“No, you need to go to the Hospital Wing, but seeing as that would get you expelled, I'm going back with you to finish healing you properly,” Remus informed him.
“James and Peter-”
“James and Peter don't know the healing spells as well as I do,” Remus said practically. “And besides, if you went back alone, you'd tell them you're fine and don't need any help, wouldn't you?”
Sirius twitched his lips, clearly debating whether or not to argue against the obvious. Finally, he relented with a mock glare. “You're really killing the adventure, you know that?”
Remus just gave him a wry smile before throwing the cloak over both of them. “Better it than you.”
*
The moment Remus swung the door open into the dorm, he noticed several unusual things. There were books strewn all over the floor, and they were actually open to various pages as if they'd been read. Also, Peter was wide awake and fully-dressed, though it was only just past sunrise on a Saturday morning. But most perplexingly, James was sprawled face-down on the floor with a pillow over his head.
“Looks like we weren't the only ones with an interesting night,” Remus muttered to Sirius, who chuckled. At the sound of his voice, Peter's wide eyes darted up from James to the area where they stood.
“You're back!” he cried. “James, they're back!”
James jerked his head up just enough so that his eyes were visible, keeping the pillow firmly in place like a hat. “Thank Merlin! You've gotta help me; I don't know what to do! We've been up all night and nothing's worked! I've got Quidditch today! QUIDDITCH!!”
“Whoa, James, calm down! What happened?” Sirius asked, lifting off the invisibility cloak and tossing it aside. As it fell to the floor, so did Peter's jaw. Sirius face had turned sickly ashen during the walk back and was covered with a light sheen of sweat, his angry gashes standing out in stark relief.
“Bloody hell, Sirius! You got mangled!” Peter said in a hushed voice.
“What happened to you?” James said sharply, sitting upright with a start and letting the pillow fall from atop his head to the ground.
Speechless, Remus just stared at James. There was something so odd, so very wrong about the way he looked, that it took Remus a moment to comprehend what he was seeing. Where James's thick shock of black hair usually stuck up, now only a gleaming white scalp shone back at them. Just as Remus managed to wrap his mind around that, Sirius let out a guffaw and exclaimed, “I might ask you the same thing!”
James's face went red, though unfortunately it didn't extend above his forehead. “Forget that for now,” he said with obvious effort. “Are you all right?”
Ignoring the question, Sirius stepped forward and tentatively poked at the top of James's head. “Did you do it on purpose? I know there's that one seventh year who shaves his head, but honestly, with your skin colour-”
“No, I didn't bloody do it on purpose!” James exploded. “Now tell me what happened! Couldn't you Apparate?”
Sirius shrugged and limped over to his bed, easing himself onto the rumpled sheets with a wince. “Didn't need to. The wolf got a few licks in, but I was never in any real danger. Besides, what kind of adventure would it be if I didn't come back with a few scars?”
“A
few?” James said incredulously. “You look like a jigsaw puzzle!”
Sirius just laughed. “It looks worse than it is. And speaking of looking worse, are you going to tell me what happened to your hair or not? Was it an accident with the Animagus spells?”
James glowered and shook his head, his lips beginning to disappear as he clenched his jaw. Peter glanced at him, nodding slightly to prompt a response, but when no elaboration came, he filled the others in. “It was Snape.”
Sirius's eyes narrowed at the name as Peter went on. “Cowardly bastard hit him in the back after dinner and disappeared around a corner. He knew he couldn't take James in a fair fight.”
“Damn right he couldn't, and he's going to pay for it when I find him,” Sirius growled, already pushing himself up from the bed. As he rose, Remus spotted streaks of red on the sheets beneath him and realized with a sinking sensation that the temporary healing spells had begun to fail.
“You need to lie down!” Remus ordered, but his words went unheeded.
“You think I'm going to let that rat get away with this?” Sirius demanded. He struggled to his feet, leaving Remus to decide whether or not he had the energy to stop him. Luckily, James stepped in instead, with force to spare.
“Sirius!” he barked. “You're pale as death and you're bleeding everywhere! What are you going to do when you find Snape, pass out at his feet?”
“
No,” Sirius retorted, wobbling towards the door. “I’m going to tie him to the front doors, vanish his filthy robes, and hit him with a Shrinking spell right in the””
But before he could finish the threat, Sirius’s knees gave way and he slumped against a bedpost, the last hint of colour draining from his face. James pulled his wand out at once and caught him with a Levitation charm before he hit the floor.
“Put me down!” Sirius protested feebly as his limp body rose into the air.
“No,” James said, directing him across the room and lowering him back onto the bed. He stood over Sirius with his wand still aimed at him, his show of annoyance not quite covering the worry in his eyes. “Now stay there or I’ll put you in a full body bind!”
Sirius glowered at the threat. “I’m defending your honour!”
“You’re being an idiot!” James snapped back.
With narrowed eyes, Sirius turned his head towards Peter and stage whispered, “He’s mean when he’s bald.” Peter nodded knowingly.
“Just let me find my healing book, Sirius,” muttered Remus, searching through the pile on the floor. “Then you can go do whatever terrible things to Severus you want.”
Once he found the book, he flipped to the well-worn section on animal attack wounds. He used to have to consult it often, preferring to heal himself at home rather than face the pitiless town Healer. However, he hadn't needed to do nearly as much on his own since coming to Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey's care.
While he read, James sat on the edge of the bed and glared at Sirius's injuries. Sirius eyed him back defensively and crossed his bandaged arms, as if daring him to yell again. After an edgy silence, James finally asked in a subdued voice, “So what was it like, anyway? Seeing an actual werewolf?”
It was an apology, and Sirius accepted it with a grin. “Brilliant,” he said. “Best fight of my life. Remus went stark raving mad when he first saw me. It was a nice change, actually, being the rational one for once. He was hell-bent on killing me for a while, but he eventually eased up and started enjoying himself.”
Intrigued by the account that he'd forgotten he wanted to hear, Remus looked up from his book. “I did?”
“Oh yeah, I could tell,” Sirius said. “You were still attacking me, but you stopped giving me that slavering fangs look and you were even prancing around a bit at the end. Don't you remember? You were having fun.”
Remus paused, recalling his sense of fulfilment upon awakening and the curious fragments of playful memories. Though he didn't want to encourage Sirius to repeat the episode, he had to give credit where it was due. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Yeah, I think I was.”
Sirius grinned again. “Next time will be even better. I bet you’ll remember me and won’t have such a bug up your arse about my being there.”
Remus doubted that very much, but reckoned it wasn’t the time to bring it up. Instead, he took one more glance at his book, making sure he had the incantations memorized, and joined the others at the bed.
“I've only performed these spells on myself before,” Remus cautioned, “and they won't be as good as Madam Pomfrey's work, but they'll do.”
“I'm sure it'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?” Sirius shrugged.
“According to this, uncontrolled bleeding, organ misalignment and skin vanishings,” Peter helpfully supplied, reading over Remus’s shoulder and bugging his eyes out at the illustrations. Remus snapped the book shut and thrust it at James.
“Keep this away from him, will you?” he muttered under his breath. Then, turning back to Sirius, who looked rather stricken, Remus said, “Don’t worry, the worst I’ve ever done is given myself a few scars.”
“Who’s worried?” Sirius said defiantly, but he still shot an anxious glance down at his arms as if he might never see them again.
Remus smiled with attempted reassurance. Even though he was confident that he wouldn’t end up vanishing Sirius’s skin, he was growing nervous. Not only was he healing someone else for the first time, it was one of his best friends, and his victim as well. If he couldn't set things right, if he only made what he'd done worse...
Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he focused his attention upon Sirius's worst injury, a gaping slash that ran from shoulder to elbow. Remus carefully unwrapped the makeshift bandage around it; the moment that the pressure was released, blood began to flow freely from the wound again. He felt both James and Peter tense behind him, but they remained quiet.
“
Confuto sanguis.”
Remus spoke the words distinctly, sweeping his wand in a moving wave over Sirius's arm. The stream of blood slowed slightly, but not enough, so Remus repeated the incantation, concentrating harder. This time, the blood was held back to a trickle and Remus was able to see inside the wound. James let out a low gasp, looking inside of it as well. “Is that his…?”
“Bicep, yes,” Remus said evenly. “It’s torn; I need to mend it before I can close the skin.”
Sirius’s eyes went wide and he immediately lifted his head to get a better look. His expression sickened at the sight, and when the ragged edges of his muscle began joining together under Remus’s wandwork, his head flopped heavily back onto the pillow.
Remus glanced with concern at Sirius’s pallid forehead, which had begun to glisten with sweat again. “Maybe you shouldn’t watch,” he advised. Sirius just nodded, looking ill.
“I think he’s going to throw up,” Peter whispered to James, who elbowed him in the ribs. Sirius heard and threw Peter a dirty look before pointedly turning his head back to watch the surgery. He maintained an expression of detached interest until a spurt of blood escaped the binding spell, at which point he looked faint again.
“Now he’s going to throw up into his arm!” Peter whispered even more quietly and urgently.
“Would you shut it already? You’re distracting Remus!” James hissed, while Sirius clenched his jaw and growled, “Peter, I swear I’m going to”“
“
Orexis,” Remus interrupted, pointing his wand at Sirius’s stomach. “There, feel better?”
“What did you do?” Sirius said suspiciously.
“Anti-nausea charm.”
Sirius exhaled impatiently and cast a challenging glare around the room. “Damn it, I wasn’t going to throw up!” But he did look much healthier.
Remus began the complicated wand movements over Sirius's arm again, watching the muscle become whole before speaking the next incantation for the skin above it. Finally, when the last layer of skin had knitted back together, Remus let out a long-held breath and couldn't help but smile proudly at the mere pink line that remained.
“Give it a try,” he said. Sirius lifted his arm carefully, flexed the muscle, and declared, “Perfect! It feels just like normal!”
James let out a whoop of relief and Peter clapped his hands exuberantly.
“I don't think it's even going to scar!” Peter exclaimed. “Wow, Remus, you could be a Healer!”
“Thanks,” Remus grinned, but a corner of his excitement was dampened by that thought. He had about as much chance of becoming a Healer as he did becoming Minister for Magic. Choosing not to dwell on that, he admired his work a bit longer before telling Sirius to lie back down. He'd successfully healed one wound, but there were plenty more to go.
It took another full hour of intense concentration before Remus finally set his wand down. There were a few minor scratches left, which Remus was willing to finish, but Sirius assured him that they were small enough to heal the normal way. “Besides, James needs us now,” Sirius reminded him.
Remus glanced over at James, who had wandered away after the surgery became superficial and was now rubbing his smooth head mournfully in front of the mirror.
“We're finished, James, time to grow your hair back!” Sirius called out.
James face brightened with relief. “You are? Are you sure? I don't want to rush you, you know. I mean, you were nearly killed and I just have-”
“Trust me,” Sirius interrupted. “You have the undisputed title of ‘Worst Off In The Room’ right now.”
James looked dubious as to the honour of the title, but accepted it nonetheless. “But you can fix this, right?” he asked, turning to Remus. “I mean, you just put Sirius back together without a scar. This has got to be easier than that, right?”
The sight of bald James looking up at him with such an earnestly hopeful expression made Remus’s heart sink. “I don't know,” he was forced to admit. “There's nothing in my books about growing back hair. I assume you’ve looked through everything in the library; charms, potions, transfiguration spells?”
“Yeah, I spent hours looking up spells, but none of them helped,” Peter said.
“And how long until the Quidditch game?”
“Four hours, twenty minutes,” James answered so promptly that Remus was sure he'd been keeping one eye on the clock all morning.
Remus sighed; there was only one option left and he knew it wouldn't be well-received. “You don't have much time, James, and I honestly don't know what to do. You may have to bite the bullet and go see Madam Pomfrey.”
“No!” James said instantly. “I'm not leaving this room.
No one's going to see me like this!”
“Madam Pomfrey's not going to care. Do you know how many people she's seen in worse states? At least you don't have to take your clothes off to show her what's wrong,” Remus reasoned. “Just put a hood or your cloak on to go down to the wing and then have her put you behind a... curtain...”
Remus trailed off, struck with a passing sense of déjà vu. His mind went back several months into a memory that had just been reawakened by that image.
“What?” James insisted after he couldn't bear the silence any longer.
“That reminds me,” Remus recalled, “last year, in the spring, a girl came in to the Hospital Wing with a hooded cloak on and Madam Pomfrey put her in a curtained bed.”
“Was she bald?” James asked eagerly.
“She must have been; I didn't actually see her, but I remember their conversation,” Remus said, perking up as the memory came back clearer. “Madam Pomfrey brought her a potion and told her to drink just as much as she needed until her hair returned to normal.”
At this point, James looked as if he were barely restraining himself from falling at Remus's feet. “The potion! What was the potion?” he sputtered.
Remus closed his eyes, attempting to take himself back to the day. He'd just woken up, a breeze was blowing in that smelled liked rain, and Madam Pomfrey walked past his bedside carrying a...
“Clear bottle, lavender liquid,” Remus declared finally. “That's all I remember, but I think I'd recognize it if I saw it.”
James punched a fist into the air and shouted, “Brilliant!! You've got to go down and find it!”
“I'll do my best, but I'll need the cloak,” Remus said. “If Madam Pomfrey sees me down there, she’ll never let me leave.”
“You can’t stay away too much longer, though,” Peter pointed out. “She’ll probably ask Dumbledore to start a search party if you don’t show up soon. I’ll go with you; I can bring the potion back.”
Remus considered this; he didn’t feel as bad as he usually did and would much rather have stayed to see James through to the end, but he knew Peter was right. “All right,” he said reluctantly. “But if the potion doesn't work, or if we can't even find it, promise me that you'll come down to the wing, James!”
James pulled a stubborn face, but Sirius spoke up for him, “Don’t worry. If it doesn't work, I’m sure we'll figure something out.”
Unconvinced, Remus just nodded, knowing that nothing could change James's mind once it was set, and settled for just hoping he'd make the rational choice. Peter swept up the Invisibility Cloak off the floor and darted out of the dorm, while Remus bid a quick goodbye and wearily followed him.
“You should have seen it,” Peter said conspiratorially as soon as Remus caught up to him in the common room. “I've never seen James so furious! He didn't sleep a bit all night long, calling Snape every foul name he could think of. And the more counter-curses that failed, the worse he got.”
“I can imagine,” Remus said cynically. “I'm sure James will come up with something worse to do to Severus in revenge. And then Severus will come up with something worse than that, and on and on it will go until one of them is dead before graduation.”
“Well, I know who I've got my money on,” Peter smirked.
Remus gave him a disapproving glance, but the look Peter returned was such a caricature of innocence that Remus couldn't help but smile. Just before they reached the portrait hole, the door to the girls' dorm creaked open behind them. Remus turned around and felt a mixture of emotions when he saw Lily step out, yawning slightly.
“Morning, Remus! Peter,” she added with a polite nod. “Want to come with me to breakfast? None of the girls are up yet, the lazy cows.”
She laughed a little, but her smile faded when she saw the unease in their expressions.
“We, er...” Peter began weakly.
“We can't,” Remus finished for him. “Thanks, but we've got to go.”
Lily pursed her lips and nodded as she had the night before, but this time she looked more upset than confused. “Of course,” she said coolly. “I get it. You're busy... at eight o’ clock on a Saturday morning.”
“I'm sorry, Lily,” Remus said with far more sincerity than he let show. “I'd really like to, but it's just not a good-”
“I said I get it!” Lily cut him off. “You better go now. You wouldn't want Black and Potter to see you talking to the Slytherin defender, now would you?”
“What?” Remus said, taken aback. “It has nothing to do with that!”
“Then why is this the second time you've avoided me since the day of that fight?” Lily retorted, crossing her arms accusingly.
“I'm not avoiding you!” Remus said, his mind wearily protesting the arrival of yet another unexpected snag. “I've just had... a lot going on lately.”
Lily shook her head with disbelief at his paltry explanation. “I should have known you’d take their sides. We’re prefects, Remus, and the school has never been in worse shape! How are we supposed to keep any kind of order if you can’t stand up to”“
“I told you, it has
nothing to do with that!” Remus snapped more sharply than he intended.
Lily looked stung, and then her face fell into a hurt expression. “Fine… I guess I just won’t bother you anymore,” she muttered, stalking back towards her dorm.
“Wait, Lily, let me”” Remus started, but the door slammed behind her, cutting him off. Remus swore under his breath, and Peter gave him a curious sideways glance.
“Er... are you and her...?”
“No,” Remus said flatly. “Not at all.”
Any hopes that Remus had of avoiding more unpleasant confrontations were dashed when he approached the Hospital Wing and spotted Severus and Calder skulking by the entryway. They straightened up as they saw him coming, and Peter, who had already slipped underneath the invisibility cloak, sniffed scornfully behind him.
“Lupin,” Severus smirked. “You're not the one I expected to see here. But then again, I suppose I should have. Potter does take his vanity to ridiculous levels.”
“I don't know what you're talking about, Severus,” Remus replied disinterestedly.
“Oh, really?” Severus shared a knowing sneer with Calder. “So you're not here to find a cure for Potter's little... problem?
“He doesn't have any problems, as far as I know,” Remus shrugged. “If you two took it upon yourselves to give him one, yet again, he must have already solved it and not found it worth mentioning to me.”
Severus's smug expression faltered a bit, but still he glared at Remus through cold, suspicious eyes. “Then why are you here, if not to get Pomfrey's help for that arrogant prat?”
“That's really none of your business,” Remus said calmly. “Now if you're so interested in seeing James, I suggest you go to the Quidditch game this afternoon. But if you'd rather spend your entire Saturday standing in a doorway instead, then please, don't let me interrupt you.”
He brushed past them into the Hospital Wing, Peter sniggering very softly beside him. But before Remus even had time to worry that he'd been too cocky about the still-uncertain cure, Madam Pomfrey came out of her office, her forehead knitted deeply.
“Remus, it's late! Are you all right?” she demanded.
Severus peered into the wing with interest, but upon seeing him, Madam Pomfrey snapped, “If you're sick, get in. If you're not, find something better to do!”
With a cold frown, Severus wordlessly beckoned Calder and sauntered away, but not before casting one last suspicious glare towards Remus. Madam Pomfrey shut the door after them and turned back to Remus, her eyes full of worry.
“Where have you been? Were you hurt badly?”
“No, I'm fine, it was nothing like that,” Remus said, quickly thinking up a likely excuse for his lateness. “I just got held up by Peeves; he locked me in a broom cupboard.”
Madame Pomfrey exhaled through her nose. “I don't know when Dumbledore's going to exert some control over him. Keeping injured students from receiving medical attention!” she muttered, scanning Remus up and down with her trained eye. “It looks like you came out fairly well, though. I don't even see anything that needs healing.”
Remus nodded in agreement with a furtive smile. “It wasn't a bad night.”
After Madam Pomfrey examined his minor scratches more closely and declared him relatively fit, she ordered him into bed while she went back to her office. Remus had just pulled the covers up when he felt a tap on his shoulder; two glass bottles emerged from nothingness in front of him, held in a disembodied hand.
“That was fast,” Remus whispered.
“I sneaked into the storeroom while she fussed over you,” Peter's voice whispered back. “Is it one of these?”
Remus studied the bottles closely, trying to match them to his blurry memory. “It was a bigger bottle than this one, rounder. And darker than the other.”
“Okay, let me look again,” Peter said and took off with a faint breeze. Remus burrowed deeper under his covers, fighting off the growing necessity for sleep. Through heavy eyelids, he saw Madam Pomfrey come out of her office again, and with a start that made his eyes fly open, he saw that she was heading towards the storeroom.
“Wait, Madam Pomfrey!” he called to her.
“Yes?” She paused midstep and regarded him with some impatience.
“Er, can you help me? I feel really dreadful, like someone's driving nails into my head,” Remus improvised. “Well, it's not really like nails... it's more like someone's giving it a good thumping with a brick, or maybe rolling it along-”
“Yes, I'm sure it does hurt after going without treatment all morning. I'm making your potion now,” she informed him and started back towards the storeroom.
“Okay, but Madam Pomfrey!” Remus called out hastily, and she stopped again just before reaching the door. “Am I going to get some chocolate to go with it? Only the potion tastes so terrible and the chocolate really helps. No offence, of course; I know it's not your fault the potion's so bitter. I'm sure you do your best and the recipe just tastes that way whoever prepares it-”
“Yes, for Merlin's sake, you'll get your chocolate!” Madam Pomfrey exclaimed. “Now please, just lie back and rest!”
She turned into the cramped storeroom without another word and Remus nearly panicked until he felt Peter tap his shoulder again. He breathed a sigh of relief, glad he didn't have to go on babbling like an idiot anymore. When Madam Pomfrey came back with his goblet, he downed it in one gulp without even a wince, and she dutifully laid the Honeydukes bar on his table before closing herself back in her office.
As soon as her door shut, Peter held out three more bottles underneath the edge of the cloak. “Please tell me it's one of these. They're the only other purple ones I could find.”
Remus frowned; they were all so similar that any one of them could have been the bottle he'd only briefly seen six months ago. He examined each of the faded labels closely, sniffed the stoppers, and finally pointed to the middle bottle.
“This one, Comacresco,” he declared. “The others are lavender essence and some sort of cleaning fluid, but this one has fluxweed; that's used in human transfiguration.”
“Great, that must be it!” Peter cheered and slipped the bottle underneath the cloak.
“Just tell James to be careful, all right?” Remus warned him. “Being bald is one thing, but taking an unknown transfiguration potion is something entirely different.”
“Don't worry, it'll work!” Peter said carelessly, and by the sound of his voice, Remus judged him to already be halfway to the door.
Remus settled back into his pillow, pleased to have Peter's confidence but hoping it wasn't misplaced. He didn't even want to think about what could happen if it weren't the right potion, but the images kept springing into his mind. Pushing them away, he reassured himself that if anything terrible happened, Sirius would take care of it. He let his eyes fall shut, as he'd wanted to do for hours now, and sleep took hold of him immediately.
Some time later, Remus was roused from his deep sleep by a heavy, squeezing sensation. He mumbled something garbled and blearily opened his eyes, only to find James leaning over his bed and giving him a ferocious hug.
“I knew you could do it!” James beamed, his familiar shock of black hair sticking up from his head in a glorious mess. “I'm off to the game now. I'm winning this one for you!”
James hopped up, ran a triumphant hand through his hair, and even blew Madam Pomfrey a kiss before bounding out of the wing. Smiling happily, Remus turned over and went back to sleep.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.