�There were no more words. The stars were beginning to shine. How was it that their lips met? How is it that the birds sing, that the snow melts, that the rose opens, that May blooms, that the dawn whitens behind the black trees on the shivering summit of the hills?�

Lily Evans’ eyes closed after she took in the meaning, the truth of those words. She could feel the slight breeze of the wind flutter her eyelids open. Her hair even swayed with the motion of the wind, somehow giving her flaming auburn curls something even more magical to them.

She inhaled the perfumed aroma of sweet flowers, and sighed like a goddess perched on top of the most majestic cliff. The words of the author swirled around her along with the pink petals of dying roses.

How could someone write like that? Passionate romance that was tender and sweet was near impossible of reaching these days. It didn’t matter if this person was a muggle; wizards always didn’t have a special way with words.

Soon, she reached the other side of the lake. Across the distance, she could see Hogwarts castle, with its nobility and pride, perched on the cliff. Being away from the school gave you the feeling of being detached from actual life, but it was in a quiet, solitary way. Lily liked that.

Lily kept walked, not quickening or slowing her pace. She took a tattered ribbon she was holding, rested it on the page, and closed her book. Finally, she reached the cherry tree.

The day was a calm grey, just a tad bit depressing. But Lily was into that. This kind of weather reminded Lily of herself; it was sort of lonely, depressed, and trying to deceive all with its gentle wind. She leaned against a slightly crooked cherry tree with rosy pink blossoms. There was no better place to think than right here.

Lily wasn’t exactly sure where she was going. As a fifth-year witch who was at the top of all her classes, a lot was expected. Lily wasn’t sure if she could handle the pressure. All her life was spent deceiving her teachers, her peers, and even herself. What was she to do later in a world when she had no choice but to be herself?

Her thinking made her partially worried; Lily didn’t want to detach completely from the world. She could miss her opportunity, her chance if she spent too much time thinking about it coming.

“Don’t worry, Lily,� a female voice said. Lily quickly whipped out her wand and turned around. Who discovered her?

She met a pair of celestial, crystal-like blue eyes. They were penetrating and hypnotic, but they made Lily smile.

“Sammie!� she cried, throwing her arms around the girl. “How’d you find me?�

SamLin Andrea Anderson was Lily’s best friend. Besides enchanting eyes, she had slightly wavy, strawberry-blonde hair with honey-colored highlights. Lily was on the shorter side; SamLin had a good five inches on her. Lily also loved her friend’s white teeth, perfect doll’s lips, skinny waist, curvy limbs, and beautiful eyelashes. SamLin could always be depended upon for helping Lily through difficult times, lending her a shoulder to cry on, and lighting up a room with the warm aura she seemed to give off. Right now, she was giving Lily a small smile.

“I knew you would be here,� she said. Lily hugged her tighter yet. SamLin returned the gesture. “Come on. Alice, Emily, and Katie were wondering where you were. Hogsmeade’s in a couple of hours, too.�

With an arm around her shoulder, SamLin led Lily back to Hogwarts. Inside, their cheeks were slightly pink from being outside in the cold spring weather, but it didn’t matter. They both just ran up the stairs, smiling.

Finally, they reached Gryffindor tower. With a quick “Wattlebird,� they were admitted inside the common room. SamLin and Lily rushed up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories and were instantly greeted by three others.

“Okay, Lily?� Alice asked, just a little concerned. Lily smiled and nodded. She didn’t want to give Alice anything to worry about.

Alice Laurel Swith was just about Lily’s height, maybe even shorter. She had round cheeks, cute freckles, and a shy but fiery attitude. Maybe the fiery attitude came from her tomboy-like personality, being on the Quidditch team, and sticking up for her friends against knucklehead boys. Alice was skinny, but she was chubby enough to give the impression that she wasn’t starved. She had dirty-blonde hair that was always held back in some way, whether in a ponytail, braids, or a bun. Her eyes were a rich, dark chocolate brown that seemed to sparkle around her friends.

“Miss your friends?� Katie asked teasingly.

Katharine, or Katie, Sharon Carroll was on the taller side like SamLin, but just a couple of inches shorter. She had elegant, layered black hair and dark, dark blue eyes. Everybody said that Lily was intelligent, but in actual reality, Katie was a person who never studied and always got an ‘Exceeds Expectations’ or an ‘Outstanding.’ Katie was shy like Alice, but in a more mysterious way. Yet when she was around her friends, she was definitely the wildest.

“Excited for Hogsmeade?� asked Emily dully. She was already heading towards the bathroom.

Lily sighed. Emily Rose Bennett was so opposite of all of them. Sure, they were all individuals who were different in a good way from each other, but Emily was always bored with them unless they were talking about her prime interests: makeup, clothes, hair, and boys. Lily couldn’t exactly blame her, though. Emily had hair with a rich, milk chocolate color to it with red and caramel colored highlights. Her eyes were such a light jade green they looked almost grey. She had perfect kissing lips, a face just right for huge amounts of makeup, and a very thin figure with tons of curves; what other material did a flirt need? But even if Emily was one of the most popular of the female species of Hogwarts and her life seemed excellent, Lily, SamLin, Katie, and Alice all knew she was rotting inside. Her popularity went to a point where there was no turning back. Nearly every night she came back from another late night, her pride, body, and soul bruised by some guy. Her grey-green eyes were scared. That’s what she needed her friends for: comfort and security and consistency. Other girls would simply ditch her and leave her grasping for something better. Lily, SamLin, Katie, and Alice were there to help her through the tough times and defend her against her demons.

Lily shook the depressing thoughts from her head. She smiled at her friends, a little mechanically, and asked, “Who’s got dates?�

“Me!� Emily called from the bathroom. She seemed more excited now. “I’m with Amos!�

“Diggory?!� SamLin squealed with astonishment. “Merlin, you’re so lucky!�

“And you Sammie-poo?� Alice asked.

“Nobody,� she replied, a bit sad. “Is there something wrong with me? There are no good boys!�

“Hey, there’s still Peter Pettigrew,� Katie suggested mischeiviously. The four of them always teased SamLin for crushing somewhat on Peter in first year. Peter was a boy even shorter than Alice with watery, plain brown eyes and sort of greasy brown hair. He reminded the five friends of a rat.

SamLin rolled her eyes. “Come on. That was one year! And our first! Believe me, I regret it ever happening. Well, what about you guys? Alice? Lily? Katie?�

“You guys know that A) I hate boys and B) that no sane guy would ever ask me out,� Katie said, not seeming the least bit upset. “You saw Diggory’s shin, Potter’s eye, Black’s arm, and-�

“Yeah, we know, Katie,� Alice cut in. Even though Alice could do serious damage to stupid guys, Katie’s temper always came unleashed whenever a poor guy opened his mouth. “They weren’t exactly pretty pictures. Oh, and no, I’m not going with anybody. Though Longbottom’s been asking me about a million times, as usual.� She sighed and rolled her eyes. The others in the room nodded sympathetically; Frank Longbottom had long been infatuated by Alice, but she wasn’t giving up her tomboy ways for him.

“Boohoo, Allie.� Emily’s voice came from the bathroom. “Merlin, you so need help when it comes to guys. You do realize that Longbottom is a good catch?�

“I do not need help!� Alice protested, snorting.

Emily opened the bathroom door and emerged with full makeup. “I’m not going to say anything, ‘cause you girls know what I’m talking about.� She immediately started undressing in front of everyone and slipped on a nice pink tank top and a see-through sweater and some jean capris. Just because they were witches didn’t mean they had to wear unfashionable clothing. In classes, they were forced to wear the school uniform. But on other days, it was hello to nice muggle clothing.

“And Lils?� Katie asked.

“What?� Lily asked irritably, scratching the back of her neck.

“Date! Duh?�

“Oh!� Lily thought Katie needed to be more specific. “Nobody.�

Katie shrugged and slipped into some jeans and a white polo with dark blue stripes going across it. The other girls followed suit: Lily pulled on some khakis and a green blouse. SamLin looked nice in a lacy lavender spaghetti-strap dress and white sweater. Alice just simply threw on her black sweatshirt and faded jeans.

All of them flounced down the stairs giggling and whispering. Passing teachers looked disapprovingly at their clothes, but they didn’t care. They rushed past everybody, smiling.

They all settled into specific types. There was kind and compassionate SamLin, the tomboyish hidden beauty Alice, wild and rebellious Katie, Emily the popular flirt, and Lily the intellectual. But in the end, it didn’t matter. They were still there for each other. Lily wanted it to be like that always.

Always. No man was going to barge into her almost perfect life.

At least, that’s how she perceived it.

“Meet you at the Three Broomsticks, ‘kay?� Lily asked Emily.

Emily nodded, but was more concentrated on Amos Diggory, her date. Slowly, arm in arm, they walked towards Madam Puddifoot’s, an embarrassingly pink tea shop for romantic couples.

The four other friends, Alice, Katie, SamLin, and Lily, were left standing in the midst of the crowds. They all felt pretty dumb just standing there, but they couldn’t decide where to go.

Finally, Katie spoke up. “Wanna go to Honeydukes?� Honeydukes was their favorite shop, with sweets and candies of all kinds. The other three nodded vigorously.

They all managed to squeeze in the rather small candy shop. Lily heard the bell ring as they all entered. She looked around and somewhat groaned inwardly. She nudged Alice, who groaned loudly. This caused SamLin and Katie to turn around. Katie looked mad, but strangely, SamLin suddenly blushed.

There was a group of boys. Not just any boys, though, but Marauders. They were made up of James Potter, the co-ringleader and best prankster; Sirius Black, other co-ringleader and ladies man; Remus Lupin, the more studious and sensible of them all; and Peter Pettigrew, who basically had one word to describe him: wimpy. Frank Longbottom also was hanging around because though he was no Marauder, he was a good friend to the troublesome group.

Too bad the boys had eyes too, because they had noticed the girls staring at them. Each put on a smirk (except for Peter, who looked embarrassed and worried and Remus, who was too mature to act like that) and headed towards the girls.

“Staring at the sweets?� Sirius asked cockily. SamLin blushed harder, Katie’s hands were curling into fists, Alice looked revolted, and Lily rolled her eyes.

“You’ve got nothing better to do than pick on me and my friends?� Alice asked fiercely. Frank grinned.

“Come on, Alice. We’ve got better things to do. Plus, I think it’s nearly time to meet Emily,� Lily suggested. She said the last sentence rather loudly. All the girls turned tail on the boys and marched out of Honeydukes. SamLin was with them, but she couldn’t help but look forlornly at Sirius Black when walking out.

“Where were they meeting?� James asked as the bell tingled after the girls left.

Frank laughed. “You want to crash their little party?�

James shook his head. “Just merely curious.�

*

“Finally! You’re here!� Alice cried when Emily entered the Three Broomsticks and threw her arms tightly around her. It didn’t matter if Amos was holding her hand.

“You guys were waiting for me all this time?� Emily asked, her nose all scrunched up.

“We had, er, troubles,� Lily explained.

“I see,� Emily said, not getting it.

Amos sighed and said to Emily, “I’m going to meet the guys. I’ll leave you with yours. Have fun.� He wrapped her up in a passionate kiss. All of them turned away, and Alice made gagging noises. Finally, he left the pub.

Emily sat down, looking refreshed. “So, who’s treating?�

“I will,� SamLin volunteered, taking out her change purse. “Butterbeers?�

“Make mine extra foamy,� Alice requested.

SamLin placed the order and all of them launched into a topic of conversation Emily had just discovered.

“Merlin, can you believe it? Lizzie told me that the Potters are so rich they rented one of the biggest houses in England,� Emily said excitedly. Lily rolled her eyes. “Lils, stop rolling your eyes. Anyway, it’s kind of old and it’s called Netherfield Park. But it’s the coolest place!� Her jade-grey eyes were wide and sparkling. “I’d kill to visit it.�

“I could care less,� Alice said, reaching for just served butterbeer.

“It could be possible, Allie. Summer’s in about a month...�

“As soon as we finish O.W.L’s,� Lily groaned.

“Lils, you need to loosen up. You’re one of the smartest girls in our year, why worry?� SamLin said, patting Lily on the back. “Drink your butterbeer.� Lily gulped down most of it.

“Oh, and you know what?� Emily was horrible at trying to remain on the current topic.

“What? Did the O.W.L’s change?� Katie asked.

“Who cares about owls?� Emily asked. “You guys weren’t even talking about owls.�

“Emily, let’s just say it’s a test. A big test.� Katie explained this all very slowly. Then, out of curiosity, she asked, “What’s the info?�

“At the Netherfield Park place, you know--the place where the Potters rented for the summer, they’re throwing a ball! Merlin, it sounds so exciting!� Emily squealed.

“I wouldn’t go to a ball with any of those nitwits,� Alice snorted.

After that, they chattered incessantly about school, boys (here most of them snorted), and summer break. Finally, when all that was left of their butterbeers was leftover foam, Emily stood up. “You know what, I feel like I need something to put me in a romantic mood. Why don’t we go dress shopping?�

“Why? There’s no ball coming up,� Lily protested.

“Well, you never know,� Emily said, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

“Oh, fine,� Alice sighed.

“I guess.� Katie shrugged.

“I agree with Emily,� SamLin said.

“Fine,� Lily agreed, a little petulantly. She crossed her arms. “But we’re only doing this for fun.�

*

“How ‘bout gold?�

“But you look so fantastic in dark blue!�

“Oooh! Look at this green!�

“Geez! What kind of dress is that?�

“Wow, that’s so beautiful!�

The five girls were the only ones inside Lady LaBarre’s, the dress shop at Hogsmeade. Miss LaBarre, a woman in her twenty’s or so, looked thankful that there was at least one person in her shop. Her black hair was back in a messy bun, a pair of red glasses was perched on her nose, and her eyes looked rather weary.

Lily looked around the shop. Suddenly, she didn’t feel so grouchy. The dresses were so tempting. They all looked beautiful. It didn’t matter if she would never wear them.

“Lils, look at me!�

Lily turned around. Emily had disappeared into the changing room and now came out. She was dressed in a strapless, satin, floor-length dress that fanned out across the floor. The light blue color with stripes of green and purple looked great against her pale skin. What really concerned Lily was the long slit along the sides that went all the way up to her hips, but Emily definitely wouldn’t care. Emily had even put on the tallest, skinniest silver spike heels Lily had ever seen. But Lily had to admit that her friend looked awesome.

“Merlin, Em! You scare me sometimes,� Lily complimented. The others were impressed, too. Emily had a gigantic smile on her face as she walked back (a little clumsily) into the changing room.

“My turn!� SamLin declared when Emily came out. She grabbed a dress off the rack and headed towards the changing room.

While SamLin changed, Lily, Alice, and Katie browsed around for a perfect dress to impress everybody. Lily spotted some nice ones, but none really captured her attention. She also spotted Emily talking to Miss LaBarre and handing her several Galleons.

“Emily! You’re going to buy it?!� Lily asked in disbelief.

“Why not? It looks fantastic. Plus, I think with some persuasion I could snare us invitations to the Netherfield Ball,� Emily replied nonchalantly. Lily still looked unsure.

Emily turned to face her. “Look, we brought enough money. Don’t you ever want to get something that makes you feel special?� Emily smiled and sat down on the couch, watching her friends. But Lily had noticed the strain in her eyes as she smiled, clearly longing for Lily to believe her. She sighed and went back to looking.

Soon, SamLin emerged from the changing room. She wore a dark, dark blue (almost black) dress that that reached just below her knees. The strap that held it up was almost like a silk necklace. The sparkles scattered on it looked like stars in a beautiful night sky. It made SamLin look older, but not too old. She looked more like a beautiful, young witch that was attending yet another fabulous party. She glanced at her friends, unsure of what they thought.

Alice flashed a thumbs-up sign. This seemed to relieve SamLin as she walked back into the changing room. But before she entered, she turned around to Alice and said, “It’s your turn.� Alice gave a moan of protest, but Katie picked up a dress Alice had been eying and pushed her gently into the changing room.

When she emerged, her arms crossed and looking a bit like a cross between insecurity, rage, and surprise, Lily and everyone else in the shop were flabbergasted. The dress, like SamLin’s, ended just below her knees and had small slits about two inches long. It had two thin spaghetti straps and it was the color of gold with tons of frills and bows. It amazed Lily how much Alice looked like a...well, girl.

“Alice Laurel Swith has a body!� Emily exclaimed. Alice rolled her eyes, but they could all see a faint blush forming.

“You look awesome, Allie,� Katie said a bit enviously.

Alice smiled, but only a little. She took Katie by the arm and pushed her into the other changing room. Alice grabbed a dress from the section where Katie was browsing in and threw it over the top of the door. Miss LaBarre looked like she was about to faint from all the excitement going on.

A few moments later, Katie came out. “Ta-da,� she announced in a bored tone. But actually, she seemed pretty pleased with Alice’s selection. The dress reached to the floor like Emily’s and was also strapless like hers. But the dress was white with red designs of swirls around the cuffs, neck, waistline, and hem. Emily seemed disappointed that the dress had no slits at all or anything that was considered totally revealing, but Katie (being Katie) liked that too.

SamLin made Katie turn around in circles and then she walked around her. Finally, she seemed to come to a conclusion. “It’s hot,� she proclaimed, and then plopped down next to Emily.

Katie smiled her half-smile and put on her raised eyebrows look. “Lils! It’s your turn!�

Lily did not want to try on a dress, but she didn’t want to look like the cowardly lion in front of her friends. Was she afraid that a dress wouldn’t fit her right? Or was it the fact that she doubted any dress would look so beautiful on her?

Finally, she grabbed a simple white dress and headed into the changing room. As Lily slipped it on, she wondered what her friends would think. Would they say it was awesome or awful? She could only wonder.

When Lily emerged from the small changing room, her friends had expressions on their faces much like when they saw Alice. Dying to know the truth, Lily rushed towards the tall oval mirror. She gasped when she saw what was in front of her.

The dress turned out not to be that simple. Sure, it wasn’t anything fancy, but it wasn’t too plain. The dress had round, puffy things that connected the dress to its long sleeves. Her sleeves were see-through and had swirl-like patterns on them. But as Lily looked at the dress part, she was stunned. It was more like a vanilla cream white with real pearls sewn into the silky fabric in the swirling design. The dress clung to every inch and limb of her body. Lily immediately fell in love with it.

“This dress is mine,� she said to Miss LaBarre, then went into the changing room. When she appeared again, she marched right up to the register and paid many Galleons for it. Lily didn’t mind.

Her friends stood by the door holding their bags with the dresses in them when Lily joined them.

“Ready?� Alice asked.

“Let’s go,� Lily said, and all three walked away, arm in arm, back to Hogwarts castle.

“Merlin, I feel so much better,� Lily sighed, taking off her shoes and dipping her toes into the lake.

It was Friday. Finally, the stressful O.W.L’s were over. Lily, SamLin, Alice, Katie, and Emily were resting by the lake next to the cherry tree. Today was much sunnier than two weeks ago, which made Lily feel nice.

“How do you think you did?� SamLin asked her friends from a low branch of the cherry tree.

“I think I’ll at least get ‘Acceptables,’� Alice admitted. She was at the top of the cherry tree, as usual. Alice was acting tomboyish by swinging from all the branches and flipping. But Lily could sense something was not right. Alice was a little quieter; she seemed to be contemplating over something she didn’t know how to control. Lily even noticed that her favorite perfume scent, flowers and fruits, could be smelt on her friend.

Katie shrugged as she sat on the grass, slumped against the tree. “I don’t know,� she said, even though they all knew she was probably going to get ‘Outstandings’ on everything. None of them said anything though because Katie didn’t like bringing up how well she was doing in school.

Emily was lying down next to Lily. She let out a ‘humph’ and shrugged too, not out of embarrassment, but plainly because she didn’t really care. Her friends could tell that all that was basically on her mind was Amos Diggory and snogging him. It was impossible to get her to get to talk of anything else.

Lily thought for a moment. “I think I might get some ‘Acceptables’ and ‘Exceeds Expectations.’� Honestly, though, Lily wasn’t quite sure. She just said that to keep from looking dumb.

SamLin, trying keep the group’s optimism up, told them all cheerfully, “Well, I think you guys and I are going to do well.� She jumped to the ground with a soft thud and joined Lily and Emily on the grass near the lake edge.

For several moments, they sat reminiscing, thinking, and drinking in each other’s silence. Lily didn’t mind the silence, and neither did the others. When you have friends that are so close to you, you don’t seem to have to talk to express feelings and thoughts. Now, they just seemed to bounce off of each other, waiting for someone to notice.

“Hey, guys!� Katie declared. “Marauders and Longbottom in sight across the lake! What do you say? I personally think we still have debt to pay.�

With nothing else really to do, all five friends got up and started racing towards the other side of the lake.

*

“Potter! Stop! POTTER! STOP!� Lily’s cries were obviously not heard though.

When Lily, SamLin, Katie, Alice, and Emily arrived where Potter, Black, Longbottom, Lupin, and Pettigrew were, they simply expected them to be lounging around and showing off like stupid gits. But immediately they were drawn into a fight scene with James Potter fighting and Severus Snape being tortured. None of them cared about Snape, not even Katie, who was a prefect. But Lily, being nice person she was, found it her duty to help the slimy creature.

Finally, after all other attempts of yelling failed, she shouted furiously, “Leave him ALONE!!�

Immediately after she did this, the whole crowd stared at her. Her four friends backed away to let her handle the situation. Lily’s emerald eyes surveyed the scene. James and Sirius were looking at her, and James immediately started rumpling his hair.

“All right, Evans?� James asked, but his voice seemed deeper and more mature than ridiculing.

“Leave him alone,� Lily repeated icily. James had a questioning look on his face, but it was gone in an instant. “What’s he ever done to you?� she asked haughtily.

“Well,� James said, looking as if he was doing seriously quick thinking, “it’s more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean...� He gave a nervous laugh and many of the surrounding watchers followed suit along with most of his fellow Marauders.

Lily gave him a death glare, crossed her arms over her chest, and took a step forward toward him. “You think you’re funny.� Everyone could feel the ice in her tone. “But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.�

Suddenly James’ hazel eyes sparkled. Lily found herself looking at them and couldn’t pull her gaze away.

“I will if you go out with me, Evans,� James said quickly, sort of grinning. Lily couldn’t tell whether if it was a smirk or a genuine smile. “Go on...Go out with me, and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.� ‘Snivelly’ was clearly the nickname they fashioned for Snape.

But definitely not a fist... Lily thought. But Lily decided to not say that, noticing that an Impediment Jinx James had cast on Snape was wearing off. He was inching toward his fallen wand, just enough so it wasn’t too noticeable.

She stepped forward, nearly directly in front of James. She met his dangerously beautiful hazel eyes once again. “I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,� she spat, trying to work up another death glare. Yet it was still impossible staring into James’ eyes.

James looked like he was about to do something rash as Sirius said in a brisk voice, “Bad luck, Prongs.� But it was the “OY!� of what Sirius said that got everyone’s attention.

James whirled around, but it was too late for him. Snape had his wand pointed at him and blood suddenly sputtered from a new gash in his cheek. James, furious with all sorts of rage, pointed his wand at Snape and soon his was hanging upside-down in the air. His robes were falling over his head, revealing skinny, pasty legs and a pathetic pair of graying underpants.

Most of the people in the watching crowd cheered, to Lily’s disgust. But she could feel her angry expression twitching, as if she was going to smile. She forced it down and yelled, “Let him down!�

James looked at her. “Certainly.� Snape fell with a very loud thud in a tangled heap of his robes. He tried to disentangle himself, but Sirius shouted, “Locomotor mortis!� and Snape fell to his knees, rigid.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!� Lily shouted, now forgetting the underpants and James’ eyes in all her rage. She whipped out her wand; James and Sirius looked at it cautiously.

“Ah, Evans, don’t make me hex you,� said James intently.

Knock yourself out, James, Lily thought. But instead, she said, “Take the curse off him, then!�

James gave a deep sigh that caught Lily off guard, and he reluctantly muttered the countercurse.

As Snape struggled to his feet, James said coldly, “There you go. You’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-�

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!� Snape yelled, enraged and not in the least bit thankful. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily could see Katie and Alice struggling against a shocked SamLin to go up to Snape and give him what he deserved.

Lily blinked, feeling a little indignant and hurt. “Fine,� she said, trying desperately to keep her cool so she could take out her anger on something else. “I won’t bother in the future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.�

Snape and everyone else looked surprised, except for James Potter. He pointed his wand threateningly at him again. “Apologize to Evans!� James roared.

“I don’t want you to make him apologize,� Lily shouted, backfiring on James’ plan. She was mad that Potter thought she needed protection from hurtful words. “You’re as bad as he is...�

“What?� yelped James, now it being his turn to be indignant. “I’d NEVER call you a – you-know-what!�

The words came flying out of Lily’s mouth before she could register exactly what they meant. “Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.�

She turned on her heel and ran back to her friends.

“Evans!� James shouted after her, looking desperate and distraught. “Hey, EVANS!�

But Lily didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a glance back. She kept on walking, pondering on what happened.

“What is it with her?� James asked to the crowd, but anyone could easily tell he was wondering it himself.

“Reading between the lines, I’d say she thinks you’re a bit conceited, mate,� said Sirius in a fake solemn voice.

“Right,� said James, looking furious but understanding. “Right -�

Far across from Hogwarts castle, a lone silhouette stood besides a darkened cherry tree at night. The full moon illuminated the lake. That and the fresh air really let her reminisce and ponder on what happened a while back. It didn’t matter if it was midnight and she was out of bed; she needed to do this now.

Lily let out a deep sigh. Today had been the last day at Hogwarts for her fifth year. In the morning, everyone would pack and catch the train back home. Lily didn’t want it to be over already. Well, she would actually be better if James Potter was over.

Lily ran a hand through her thick hair to keep from sighing again. That sight at the lake made Lily furious. She had spent the last few weeks of school after the fiasco throwing temper tantrums and yelling. But tonight she had to wonder about the one thing at the lake scene that made her mad: James Potter.

It wasn’t like she didn’t understand him – right? Well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but she did know about everything else: his conceited attitude.

But what was that back there? His hazel eyes were mesmerizing – when did that happen? His voice became deeper and more mature – just around her. He rumpled his jet black hair – only now it didn’t seem to be so...stupid to her.

Yet what really puzzled Lily was the fact when Potter asked her out, she wasn’t even shocked in a bad way. Now that she thought of it, the feeling was more warm and fuzzy and she had to work up all her courage to turn him down.

Oh Merlin, Evans. You’ve got to keep your cool. Show him that you’re not going to play his little games. Don’t give him any signs of surrendering. Whatever. Just avoid the conceited guy so nothing will change your mind.

Now she just had to get herself to believe it and do it.

*

Dear Lily,

Guess what? With my new friendship with Remus, we’ve been invited to the Netherfield Ball! It was going to be a ball for of Potter’s parents and their friends, but Potter convinced them to let him invite his friends. Remus even talked Potter into letting some other kids come too. (‘Other kids’ is us. Remus said I could come and bring all my friends!) Now we have a place to wear our beeeaauuuutiful dresses!

Merlin, I’m as excited as I imagine Emily was.

Most sincerely,

Katie

Lily stared at the letter in shock. The Netherfield Ball?

Her hand shook as she read it. Maybe it wasn’t just the Netherfield Ball that was disturbing news. Katie’s letter brought back many unwanted memories of the weeks before break.

Lily had nearly forgotten about Katie’s friendship with Lupin. Suddenly, it was ‘Remus this’ and ‘Remus that.’ That’s right – Remus! No more ‘Lupin’ for Katie!

Lily didn’t want her friends to change. Couldn’t they just stay the same for two seconds? Alice was undoubtedly using her perfume; SamLin was blushing - yes, BLUSHING around Sirius Black; Katie was talking to Remus rather than beating him up like any other boy; even Emily was changing as she became more and more distant from her beloved friends. Lily was beginning to wonder whether it was them or her.

Out of the blue, a new part of her brain was telling her something.

Don’t be so sore, Evans. Being attracted to the opposite sex is completely normal. You’ll get your time.

Lily shook the voice loose from her head, but she couldn’t get the advice out of it.

But she knew one thing now. It was time to unpack her ‘beeeaauuuutiful’ dress and set up a Floo connection.

*

Lily coughed and sat up. Her clothes were grey with the ashes from the fireplace. Brushing some of it off, she stood up.

The day after she got the invitation from Katie, she had owled her friend back, okaying the situation. Katie sent back a very ecstatic reply, explaining that Potters parents had set up a Floo connection between her friends’ houses and theirs. All Lily would have to do is come at noon.

And that’s exactly what she did.

So this is what Netherfield Hall looks like, she mused, coming out of her reverie.

Katie had informed her that she would be in the sitting room when she came out of the fireplace. (Yes, a sitting room. Who had those anymore?) Lily had presumed it to be simpler than the others, but it turned out she was wrong. The walls were the finest mahogany panels she had ever seen with even matching floorboards of the same quality. There were beautiful Victorian-style couches with detailed designs. The artwork was also stunning; sculptures, impressionists’ paintings, and even inspiring moving photographs in gold frames decorated nearly every inch of the room. Even the silk rug was a piece of art. Lily just stood there, impressed and bewildered. Were they really renting this?

“Lils!�

Lily spun around. There was Katie Carroll, all smiles and basically glowing like SamLin normally did. Lily and Katie started laughing and immediately hugged tightly.

“Kate!�

“Lils! Merlin, you’re here first! I was just watching the clock, waiting for one of you to show up! Come on!� Katie started tugging at her arm and led her upstairs. Lily giggled.

They were running furiously up the stairs when they bumped into someone. A little embarrassed, Lily looked up.

Potter.

Lily was a little angry, until she realized she didn’t even know why. She thought of the lake scene, but the thoughts dissolved as she once again met those dreamy eyes. “Hi,� she volunteered. Her voice sounded a bit squeaky.

“Hi, Evans,� he said back, looking at her. Lily vaguely wondered if anything was on her nose. She tried to avoid scratching it.

“You know...� He was talking. Pay attention, Lily. “I was just wondering if...well...you...want to dance with me.� His speaking seemed slurred and slow.

“What?� Lily asked.

“Well...if you wanted to go to...well...dance with me.� He looked flushed.

Lily didn’t know what to say. She thought back to the last night at Hogwarts and remembered her own personal advice. But her heart took over.

“Sure.�

James looked relieved. Lily stood there as he walked away.

Katie looked at her confusedly. Lily just remained there, in a kind of surreal state. Suddenly, she grabbed Katie by the arm and pulled her into empty hallway.

“Did I just agree to dance with James? As in James Potter?� she whispered, sounding a little scared.

Katie looked worried on her behalf, but Lily could barely detect a small grin. “I dare say you too must be falling under his ‘James’ charm.�

“But I’ve promised myself to loathe him for all eternity!� The last part came out faster than she could think about what she was saying. Katie giggled.

“I never remember you saying that. Besides, it’s just a dance. He’s probably going to forget about it by next week.�

“I hope so,� Lily grumbled as Katie took her on a tour of the rest of the house.

“And this is my room. There are tons of other spare rooms, so you can just choose the one of your liking. Potter’s down the hall, Black’s across, Remus is right next to Potter, and I think Pettigrew will be sleeping next to Black’s –� Katie was cut off.

The sound of coughing and thuds and even the smell of ashes.

Quickly, Katie and Lily rushed down the stairs and into the sunny sitting room. In front of them was a living pile of people covered in soot.

“Get off me, Allie!�

“Watch out, Sammie!�

“No, Emily!�

“Ouch!�

“PETER PETTIGREW!! WOULD YOU PLEASE CARE TO REMOVE YOUR HAND FROM MY BUTT?�

There was a squeak and the group managed to disentangle themselves. Three mad looking girls and one scared boy stood in front of them.

“SamLin! Emily! Alice!� Katie shrieked. Everyone covered their ears.

“Jeez, Katie. Do you want everyone from here to Surrey to hear you?� Emily asked.

“Sorry.� Katie didn’t look very sorry. She had a sparkle in her eyes. “I’m just so excited!�

“Well, I’m not excited at the prospect of Pettigrew clutching my rear end,� SamLin said disapprovingly, but she still seemed happy at being there.

Lily and Katie burst into a fit of giggles. Their peals of laughter echoed throughout the halls. Emily, Alice, and SamLin looked at each other and they too started laughing. Peter was blushing.

“Want to pick out your rooms?� Everyone whirled around; Sirius Black, James Potter, Frank Longbottom, Amos Diggory, and Remus Lupin were in the sitting room.

SamLin became interested in the wall. Lily chewed the inside of her lip. Alice just stared at them with her head cocked. Emily put on her killer smile for Diggory. Katie looked at her friends, expecting them to say at least something.

Luckily, they didn’t have to. A boy with light brown hair entered the room. His eyes were a dazzling blue-green turquoise.

“New arrivals? Charmed. I’m Willard,� the boy said. His voice was very suave and charming. “Evan Willard. Just Willard. James’ cousin,� he clarified.

If Lily wasn’t imagining it, James seemed to give the Willard guy a cold look with a ‘get-out-and-never-talk-again’ expression. Just to give James a hard time, Lily marched up to Willard. She didn’t even know why she was doing it. But all other second thoughts dashed out of her head when she got a closer look at Willard; he was very handsome.

“I’m Lily Evans,� she volunteered, both her hand and her comment. He vigorously shook her hand in a sort of polite way. She gestured to her friends. “That’s SamLin Anderson, Emily Bennett, Alice Swith, and Katie Carroll.� Pause. “And Peter Pettigrew, who, if you don’t know, is Potter’s friend.�

He gave her a nice smile. Lily took note of his shiny teeth. “Of course I know of the infamous Peter Pettigrew.� Peter looked embarrassed and mad. “And your friends seem very nice.�

“Come on. Let’s go choose rooms,� SamLin announced and ushered her friends upstairs.

They entered the hallway, but didn’t pick out rooms. Instead, SamLin just shepherded them into the nearest: Katie’s. She closed the door behind her.

“Who is that guy? What kind of creep is he? I’d rather kiss Longbottom than talk to him!� Alice said angrily.

SamLin took Lily by her arm, and blue eyes met green. “Lils, there’s something wrong about that guy. I don’t like that mischievous twinkle in his eyes; it’s not like how we are. He’s up to something.�

Lily remained mute. Her voice felt lost. Her friends were disapproving and protective? They never did that...

...Well, only when their compassionate instincts took over.

“He was kind of cute,� Emily commented, inspecting her blue nail polish. Alice snorted.

“You have a boyfriend,� Katie pointed out. Her tone was critical, but not in a ‘don’t-cheat-on-your-boyfriend’ way. It wanted to warn her.

Emily continued looking at her nails, totally unperturbed and nonchalant to Katie’s comment. She clacked her tongue and rolled her eyes.

Lily didn’t like the awkward tension. “So, who’s going to be there – at the ball, I mean?�

Emily flopped onto Katie’s bed. “Well, for one, there’s us. Then Amos, Potter, Black, Pettigrew, Lupin, and Longbottom. Then, I think Sirius said something about his cousin Bellatrix, who I think he enjoys spending time with, is going to be there along with that Willard. Oh, and Potter’s parents and their friends.�

Lily just sat there as her friends babbled on and on about the latest gossip.

And no, she wasn’t concerned about dancing with James Potter.

Or was she?

Lily emerged from the shower in her own personal bathroom at Netherfield. In about an hour, the ball would take place. It would take her about that long to get ready.

She was anxious – in both an excited and nervous way. She wrapped her wet flaming curls up in a towel as she applied her makeup. It was hard to concentrate; her lipstick ended up way outside the lines and the eye shadow gave the effect of a drug addict that hung out at Knockturn Alley. She cursed but tried not to get too worked up about it.

Finally, when she looked about as good as it would get, she let down her hair and used some of that Sleekeazy potion to get her hair all smoothed down and silky. But it just wouldn’t stay right. Lily nearly licked her lips, but realized that lips would get all smudged. Instead, she bit her tongue. Hard.

Lily felt all the blood rush to her face as she unpacked her vanilla-colored gown, even if no one was in the room with her. As she slipped it on, she prayed that it would hopefully still fit her. When she looked into the mirror, Lily finally seemed to let out all her breath. The sleeves felt slightly scratchy against her skin, but the dress nevertheless transformed her into a beautiful, graceful person.

Lily teased her hair a bit to give it a better look. Feeling ready, she walked out of her room and knocked on Katie’s door. Her friend emerged in her white and red gown and her hair up in an elegant knot on the back of her head. Her dark blue eyes seemed clearer than ever.

“Oh, Lils, you look awesome!� Katie exclaimed. She suddenly looked worried. “How do I look?�

“‘Awesome’,� Lily quoted. Katie laughed. “Ready to get SamLin, Allie, and Emily?� They both giggled and went around tapping on their friends’ doors. The two were surprised when they saw the others.

Emily had two thick strands of hair braided to hang down along the sides of her porcelain face. The rest of her hair flowed like a chocolate waterfall against the blue one of the dress. SamLin had left her wavy hair alone, except for a little Sleekeazy to smooth it out, but it looked better that way. Alice had her gold dress on and her dirty-blonde hair in a nice bun with two strands of hair hanging down along her face. They all looked exuberant. Lily hoped that was the same way she looked.

They all laughed, but nervously. Their eyes were scared. They needed one another. Clutching one another arm in arm, they tried their best to walk down the stairs with poise.

Lily heard the sound of classical music – violins, cellos, flutes, and clarinets. The music sounded purely muggle, but it was hard to notice with all the magic floating around in the air. All the rooms were done up nicely, obviously with the help of the house elves. The chandeliers sparkled, candles glowed, glass shone, and floor was clean enough to eat off of.

Lily could see some older wizards and witches, but they all looked up at the arrival of the female teenagers. Most of them smiled and whispered, but Lily could tell it was in a good way. The adults seemed to be reminiscing their times much like theirs.

Lily was starting to feel proud and confident, until she heard something. There was a catcall. Immediately, she recognized it from hearing it so much at school.

Just like she thought, Sirius Black appeared with a smile on his face. The other Marauders and Amos Diggory and Frank Longbottom also followed. Lily was surprised; they looked almost like...well...gentlemen in their impressive dress robes.

Then came Bellatrix Black and Willard. Bellatrix, Sirius’ cousin, was one year older than the little posse gathered here tonight. She had long, glossy black hair and always had a snotty expression on her face. Tonight, she wore a strapless, plain black gown that flowed to the floor. Bella appeared to be making her best impression, but Lily couldn’t figure out who or what it was for.

Willard wore a white dress robe that almost made Lily swoon. Immediately her friends’ wise words were forgotten.

Five boys – Frank, James, Sirius, Remus, and Amos – came forward. Emily had her seductive look on, but her other friends were plain confused.

“Ready to dance?� Frank asked Alice. Sirius held out his hand for SamLin, but she backed away. James and Remus smiled (well, James just looked) at Katie and Lily, but they both got wide-eyed.

“What?!� Alice asked, thunderstruck. Her friends had the same expressions, well, except for Emily.

“My dear, Allie--� Frank began, but was cut off by the tomboy Alice.

“Don’t call me ‘Allie’!� she snapped, then grabbed Emily and led her along with SamLin, Lily, and Katie to a secluded corner.

“What the –?� Alice started, an evil spark flashing in her eyes.

“Its okay, Allie. Jeez, all I did was try and help you guys,� Emily explained. “I set you up with Longbottom; he seemed pretty happy. Sammie, Sirius is...well...seriously interested in dancing with you. Katie, you’re already friends with Remus – why not? And Lily, I do not know why James is with you. Did you finally give in?�

Lily finally remembered that she had willingly agreed to dance with James. But she remained silent so her friends wouldn’t tease her about it.

“Emily Rose Bennett!� Katie yelled in an indoor voice. She was cut off by SamLin before she could begin an actual rant.

“Katie! We’re going to have to live with it. Emily was trying to help us.� Emily looked happy when SamLin said this.

Alice, Katie, and Lily each took a deep breath. Finally, they all decided they could face the boys.

“Hi, Remus.�

“Hey, L – err, Frank.�

“Hello, Sirius.�

“Awesome outfit, Amos.�

“Um...well...Good evening, James.�

The boys now had cocky expressions on their handsome faces, but the girls weren’t enraged. Maybe it was the fact that they were at a ball or that they had to at least act like they were happy.

From there, hand in hand (much to their disgust), the couples walked into the ballroom. The adults were in the middle of dancing to classic piece. Lily chewed the inside of her gum. How bad was this going to go?

“Charles, look at James!�

Suddenly, Lily was snapped out of her daydream her right hand was being vigorously shaken by some tall, male wizard. “Hello. I’m James’ dad. And you are...?�

“Lily Evans,� she said, a little meekly.

“We’re so pleased to meet you,� a woman gushed. “James has never brought a girlfriend home.� She apparently was James’ mother.

Lily’s cheeks reddened. “N-no. I’m not his girlfriend. I’m just a...� Enemy? “A friend.�

Whoa. She said that?

Mrs. Potter looked doubtful, but she went along with Lily’s bad lie. “Be sure to try some of our treacle tarts!� she said and was whisked away by her husband onto the dance floor.

Lily sighed.

“You’re my friend?�

She looked up. “Well, P-err, James, I didn’t have anything else to say.�

“Oh.� He looked slightly hurt. Then he lit up as a new song came on. “Dance?�

She couldn’t say no. She had said she would dance with him and he looked so darn excited and desperate. “Sure. Why not?�

Immediately, he took her hand and led her onto the floor. Lily spotted SamLin and Sirius. Her friend was obviously trying to keep her cool, but Lily couldn’t help but notice Sirius’ eyes were on SamLin and nothing else. She tried to hide a smile.

James pushed her close. He spun her. Lily felt as if her heart was about to burst open. Instead, she ruined the moment by saying, “For someone who always goes tripping people, you actually are a good dancer.�

“I’ll take that as a compliment,� he replied, with a hint of a smile. Lily looked up at him, forgetting about her warning. There were the beautiful hazel eyes. She felt her breath hitch.

Silence.

Lily gulped. “Well, James, I think you should say something. If I say something, then you ought to comment on how the night is going or something.�

“What would you like most to hear? My Quidditch moves? Infamous pranks? Please tell me.�

Lily could feel her feelings change from infatuation (was it?) to disgust. “Just as I thought,� she murmured.

“What?� James looked defensive.

“Here I am trying to make out your character...�

“And what have you discovered?�

“Not a lot. You’re just the same as ever. I wanted to see what was beyond the Wonder Wizard and his adventures of Quidditch.�

James looked shocked and hurt. Maybe she had gone too far.

The music continued, but they just stared at one another. Finally, James tried pulling her close so she was right up against him.

Lily was frantic; she was in her own little world. In the distance, she heard the last wavering notes of the song. She took her hands from her sides and placed them on his chest, pushing him away. Leaving James with yet another fury in his eyes, she stalked away.

She ran away from the party. She was able to slip out unnoticed and found a nice quiet, dark hallway. Lily leaned against one of the walls and let out all her breath she realized she’d been holding in since she first saw Potter.

“Oh come on, Lils. It couldn’t have been that bad.�

“It was though, Sammie. I feel awful, and I don’t even know why.�

It was around midnight. The party had ended at about ten o’clock. Alice, SamLin, Katie, and Emily had stumbled in their rooms at about eleven, though. Lily could hear their footsteps and squeals. They were all elated and it made Lily feel left out. SamLin was the only one who remembered her friend and came to visit and talk.

SamLin’s golden hair was in two messy braids and she was dressed in silk pajamas. Lily just wore her flannel PJ’s and floppy slippers.

“So, what happened?� her friend inquired.

Lily flopped onto her bed, just lying their and looking completely miserable. “I don’t know. His mother thought we were dating...�

“Really?�

“Truly. Then he got all mad at me when I went ballistic at him and he tried to...well...I don’t exactly know what.�

“What do you think?� SamLin’s eyes were big.

“I personally think he was about to kiss me to get back at me,� Lily said, a little shaken. Now that she thought of it, though, she almost cursed herself for pulling away. And she hated herself for thinking that.

SamLin seated herself next to Lily. She held both of her friend’s arms and stared her levelly in the eye. “You can’t defy your own feelings, Lily.�

Lily tried to shrug her friend’s warning off, but a new feeling was plaguing her. To get rid of it, she folded her arms against her chest and said, “You’re the one to talk, Sammie. I’ve seen how you’re acting around Sirius. When you finally get a date with him, though, he’s head over heels and you’re so shy toward him. He likes you. Enormously. Why don’t you grasp that concept?�

SamLin blushed and looked at the floorboards. “The concept is grasped. I just want to go slow. Get him to fall in love with me instead. And it’s nice, you know, pretending his charm has no effect on me whatsoever.� She had a wry smile on. Suddenly she looked worried. “Yet you think he likes me...?�

“SamLin. He danced and held you half of the night, and the rest of it was spent staring at you. Trust your single friend here for once.�

SamLin grinned. “Oh, alright, Lils.�

Lily grabbed a pillow and smacked her. SamLin squealed and found another pillow to hit her with. Pretty soon, feathers and fluff were flying everywhere.

The two girlfriends sat down on the bed, exhausted. “I’m going to bed,� SamLin declared headed out of the room. “’Night.�

“’Night,� Lily said in a near whisper. She sat on her bed, refusing to contemplate about what had happened. She felt tired, but not enough to go to sleep.

Gliding like a silent ghost, Lily slipped down the stairwell unnoticed. Many party decorations were still up downstairs, but all the lights and candles were out. Yet a full moon lit up the entire room. Lily sat down on one of the fancy couches and stared up at it.

*

“Fun night, Prongs?� Sirius asked playfully.

“Not really,� James replied bitterly. He felt exhausted, tired, and dirty. “I just hope Moony’s okay.�

“Not that!�

“Then what?�

“Yeah, what?� Peter asked with more or equal confusion to James’.

Sirius shook his shaggy head sadly. “This is sad. I meant the bloody party!�

“Oh,� James said. He shrugged. “No comment.�

“‘No comment’ means yes,� Sirius pointed out.

“Nope.�

“Yes.�

“No.

“Yes!�

“Nu-uh.�

“Yes!�

“No!�

“Y--�

“Jeez, Padfoot! No need to get into a fight,� James cut in furiously.

“You started it,� Peter commented. James hit him.

“So, anyway Padfoot, it doesn’t. Not in this case. The night was too horrible to say no.�

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly. “I had a great night. I got to dance with the prettiest girl.�

“How come you don’t go after Bennett? Why Anderson?� James asked.

“Because Bennett...I don’t know. She just seems so...plain. SamLin has this...aura around her.�

“Aura?� Peter asked inquisitively.

“You wouldn’t know what it means, anyway,� Sirius explained. “So, how was your night, Pete?�

“Okay, I guess. I didn’t get to dance with anyone, though.�

James and Sirius weren’t that surprised, but rather than talk about it, they moved on to the next subject.

“Hey, James? Did you notice my dear cousin practically swooning over you? Her and Lily? I sense a catfight!� Sirius announced.

James tried to think. He did remember while he was dancing with Lily now that Bella was giving her the evil eye. Then when Lily left, Bellatrix virtually pounced on him to get him to dance with her. James shuddered.

“I’d rather not think about that right now.�

“Then think about something else, Prongs.�

“I’ll be happy to oblige, my Pouncing Padfoot.�

“But no names.�

*

“Bye, Ems!�

“I’ll miss you, Allie!�

SamLin, Lily, and Katie waved their other friends goodbye. Alice and Emily stood in the fireplace, looking sad at the thought of leaving but waved as cheerfully as they could.

“See you in Diagon Alley, you guys!� Emily yelled just as Alice released the Floo powder from her hand and the two were engulfed in flames.

“Oh, guys. I don’t want to leave. You’re so lucky, Katie; I can’t believe Remus invited you to stay with him the entire summer. And Sammie, you have a good time at Sirius’ house,� Lily said, looking a little blue.

“You won’t miss us, Lils. You’ll be okay,� SamLin offered, just to cheer her friend up. She embraced her.

“Its okay, Lily. It’s just a ‘just friends’ invitation. I’m not going to have any fun with a bunch of boys, right?� Katie said teasingly.

“No, you won’t,� a deep voice said behind the trio. They all turned around, seeing a smirking Remus Lupin and the rest of the boys. “Oh, and bye, Lily.�

“Hope to see you again, Lily,� Willard said.

“I’ll miss you too, Lily, but I have SamLin to keep me company,� Sirius joked.

“If you see Emily before me, Lily, say hi,� Amos told her.

“Bye, I guess,� Peter mumbled. SamLin giggled with Katie. Lily would’ve laughed too, but she was feeling a bit depressed.

“Goodbye, Evans. See you again next year,� James said. He was looking at her, but his hazel eyes seemed to go right through her.

“Bye, everyone!� Lily cried. She stepped into the sitting room fireplace, released some Floo powder from her hand, and was gone and back at home.

*

Dear SamLin,

How are you? Is being with Sirius torture? Just let me know and I’ll come beat the guy up for you. Just call me your best friend and we’re even.

Life here isn’t looking pretty good. I mean, I love hanging out with Petunia and all, but it’s not the same as being with you guys. My family tries to understand the magical world, but I know it will never make sense to them. I think even Petunia senses some distance growing between us. She now is basically being a stalker and following me everywhere, which means I do all my homework and letter-writing under the covers at midnight. But I put up with it, hoping that she’ll get the message that I’m still her sister and friend.

Much muggle despair,

Lily

She signed her letter with a flourish and quickly looked it over for misspellings and sloppiness. She was such a neat freak.

Lily tossed the covers back and got up from her bed. In a cage perched her Barn owl, Evangeline. She quietly roused the owl and got two nips in return – one mad and one affectionate. Lily attached her letter to SamLin to Evangeline’s leg and opened the window, letting in a whoosh of cold breeze. Letting Eva rest on her arms, Lily brought her to the window and released her. As she watched the owl fly away, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. It would be nice to fly around with no restraints.

She sighed and flopped back onto her bed. Lily pulled the covers up to her chin even with the now warm air tickling her face and causing sweat to break out on her forehead. She lay there, trying to sleep, but instead lay wide awake throughout the hot, stuffy night.

The hours passed by quickly and yet slowly. As soon as she found herself drifting off to sleep, there was a knock. Lily groaned, but got up quickly and opened it.

Just as she expected, her sister was there, already showered and dressed. Petunia Evans’ blonde and wet curls resembled to Lily’s, except their color. Her sister’s blue eyes were attractive, but Lily’s were the jewel of the family. Petunia also had horse-like teeth and a skinny neck that was good for craning to the right position for spying on people over fences.

“Breakfast is ready, Lily! Come on down! Daddy’s made pancakes and sausages.�

Lily forced a smile, but the effect was probably ruined because of her messy bed head. “I’ll be down in a minute. Just have to take a quick shower and get dressed, ‘Tunia.� Petunia nodded and flounced down the stairs.

Just as she promised, Lily showered and got dressed into something reasonable for Sunday breakfast. She found her whole family already at the table when she found her way into the kitchen. Peter Evans, her father, had the newspaper out. Her mother, Elizabeth Evans, was smiling at her and sipping at her orange juice. Petunia was arranging the floral arrangement – lilies and petunias – even though it already looked perfect. Lily noticed that not a piece of food was touched as she sat down. It made Lily feel happy and also guilty.

“What were you doing again, Lily?� her mother inquired as she placed some pancakes on her own plate.

“I was at a ball, mum with my friends,� Lily said dutifully, trying not to go into any details and praying her mum wouldn’t either. Petunia scowled at the mention of friends.

“Did you dance with anyone?�

Darn. “Uh...yeah.�

Her father looked up. “‘Yes,’ Lily. Proper grammar is everything.� Or it was to her father.

“Who?� Sometimes, her mother completely forgot about tact when asking Lily questions about boys.

“Just a...friend. A friend named James Potter,� Lily answered, hoping the questions would stop.

Mrs. Evans looked like she didn’t believe her daughter’s fib, but looked shocked. Her father looked surprised and nervous. Petunia also looked surprised.

“What’s he like?� Petunia asked nosily.

“He has messy jet-black hair and hazel eyes.� Dreamy hazel eyes. Why had she said all of that? And her mouth didn’t stop there. “He’s really nice, but sometimes can act like a jerk. But mostly nice.�

“I – well, I...um...� Her mother looked like she couldn’t found the right sentence starter.

“We’re having your cousin over,� her father said, but Lily didn’t think it was something he planned to talk about right now. It seemed as if he was covering up for mom. “For dinner. Do any of you remember him?�

Petunia shook her head and Lily shrugged. Suddenly, she remembered something. “Isn’t that the one who came over for Thanksgiving?�

“Yes, Lily. Good memory,� her father complimented and went back to the paper.

The rest of breakfast continued somewhat normally. The normal chatter was drowned out by a silence of wondering. Once Lily and Petunia were done with their breakfast, they both got up and pushed in their chairs. Lily was going to head upstairs to her room and check whether Eva was back yet or not, but Petunia grabbed her arm and led her outside. The sun was still pale against the light blue sky, but it was still a nice summer’s day.

“Who was Daddy talking about?� Petunia asked.

Lily started walking. Petunia followed her strides. “His name is Vernon. Vernon Dursley. He’s the dreaded cousin.�

Petunia gasped. “The one practically strutting around our house at Thanksgiving?�

Lily nodded. “That’s the one.�

“But mum and daddy didn’t like him...!�

“They don’t. But I think this visit is more than just ‘let’s-have-the-worst-cousin-in-the-world-over’ dinner.� Lily stopped walking to think more about this theory.

Petunia laughed. “But what do you think it is?�

Lily shrugged. “We’ll have to wait and see.�

As Lily and Petunia walked through the door to their house, their mother was all over them. She was scolding, going on and on about how ‘you should leave the house after you tell me or your father’, and ect. There was no need for tedious details.

Immediately, Lily tried rushing up to her room to check whether Eva was back, but her mom yelled at her. That was strange. Usually Lily could do whatever she wanted and her parents would mind their own business. Today was weirdly different, though.

“Lily! You better go up there and take a shower!� her mother yelled.

Lily was halfway up when she yelled back down, “Well, I already did!� She continued rushing up.

Lily slammed the door as she entered her room, for privacy and anger issues. She hated her parents bursting into her life, her sister barging into her personal space. Her parents knew she took a shower; why did they have to breathe down her neck? A string of cuss words flew from Lily’s mouth as she just thought and got worked up more and more. Suddenly, she stopped and reminded herself that Lily Evans wasn’t one who swore without second thought.

So, with lots of feelings of guilt and irritation, Lily remained locked in her room. Evangeline never came back, and that depressed Lily. She felt cut off once again, except she wasn’t calm and peaceful and looking at a cherry tree for wisdom now. Lily felt as if every time she came home, the magical world where she belonged and fit in perfectly disappeared, at least until the letter came for next year.

Finally, at about six o’clock, there was a loud, brisk knock on her door.

“What?� Lily shouted impatiently, unwilling to get up and get the door. She was feeling plain lazy and her room was a mess from being trashed in the fury of her temper tantrums.

“Lily Evans! Get showered and change into something nicer, like a dress! Your cousin will be here in an hour!�

Lily groaned; it was her mother. Reluctantly, as to not get into any fights before a guest came over, she managed to get off her butt. She wandered around the room, almost forgetting her purpose for getting up, but remembered. Lily didn’t shower since she thought it was completely useless now, but did change into a nice dark blue dress. She brushed out her hair a little, applied some very light makeup, slid on some casual sandals, put on some jewelry that wasn’t overbearing, and walked out of her room. Lily closed the door, not wanting anyone to see the poor state of her room.

When she came downstairs, her mum didn’t seem to realize she hadn’t showered at all, but was pleased that Lily had dressed up. A minute later, Petunia came down, looking very much like Lily but with a light blue dress on.

Elizabeth Evans had huge amounts of makeup on, hair in a messy bun, and had a dress on that was very flamboyant. Lily had to admit she was puzzled; her mother never wore ridiculous clothing like that.

Her father was more reasonable, which calmed Lily in some strange way. It seemed to confirm that things weren’t changing, and still very much the same.

The whole family stood in the dining room, looking at Mrs. Evans’ pretty place settings. They didn’t talk, but stood there. There was a sudden awkwardness in the room.

So when the doorbell rang, all of them practically jumped to get it. But as they rushed down the hallway to get the door, Lily’s mother yelled, “Let Lily get it!�

There were no arguments or protests. Petunia moved aside as Lily stepped forward, holding the doorknob. She twisted it and the door opened, revealing the infamous cousin.

“Vernon Dursley at your service,� the man said.

Vernon Dursley was pudgy, large, and didn’t have the most handsome face. Lily could just feel her face changing into an expression of sheer disgust.

“Er – well, it’s nice to see you Dur – I mean, Vernon,� Lily said. She mentally slapped herself for making so many mistakes.

Vernon ignored her. He stepped inside the house and inspected the surroundings. He made a point to acknowledge her mother and sister and father, but ignored Lily. It peeved her, but she still was grateful for it.

Her mother was buzzing everywhere. She rambled incessantly, trying to get Vernon to say a few words that weren’t criticizing. Finally, when she thought her job (whatever it was) was done, she announced, “Okay. Peter, come in and help me finish dinner. You young people stay here and talk.� In a flash she was gone. Lily’s father lingered in the room until Mrs. Evans hollered for him to come over and help her. He gave a deep sigh and obliged his wife’s calls and nerves.

There was awkward silence. Then, Petunia and Vernon picked up the tiny thread of conversation while Lily merely stood there.

“The salmon is ready!� Elizabeth Evans called.

Lily didn’t waste a moment of getting up and heading in the direction of the dining room. But as Petunia and Vernon entered the room, and much to her dismay, Vernon plopped down right next to her. Her mother was smiling and beaming the entire dinner.

Lily tried to remain as cold as she could during the entire dinner. Though her exterior remained motionless, the thoughts inside her head were vibrant, rushing in a way so she could hardly understand them at all. Lily tried to figure out what was happening. Suddenly, it clicked.

Her mother’s smiling, smiling face; the fact that Lily had to answer the door; even being left alone in the hallway with just him and Petunia; it all made sense now! Her mind darkened as the words flashed across it.

Her mum had tried to set her up. With her cousin Vernon Dursley. (The most repulsive muggle to ever walk the planet.)

And she didn’t even know why.

Suddenly, Lily could feel chunks of the salmon in the back of her throat. She felt as if she was about to retch up all the fancy food back onto the table.

“May I be excused?� Lily asked politely, as not to arouse suspicion. Her mother looked disappointed, but let her daughter go.

Instead of going to the bathroom and cough up all of her dinner, Lily raced up to her room. But once she found herself leaning against the door, out of breath from all the recent events, Lily was unsure of her next move. She most certainly didn’t want to back downstairs knowing what her demonic mother was up to. But she couldn’t stay here; her mother would find out eventually that Lily knew and she’d probably have to say goodbye to her sixth year at Hogwarts.

So, with no other options, Lily found her suitcase and stuffed it with all the necessary items she needed. Makeup, clothing, hygiene products, treasured items, owl pellets (she knew Eva would be able to find her), and her wand.

Not wanting any letters from the Ministry, Lily tried her best to tactfully climb out of the window with the aid of an old oak tree beside her bedroom. Her suitcase fell and Lily managed to get down pretty safely, but nothing was broken. And with that, she started walking, unsure of where she was going, but letting her heart lead the way.

*

A day of walking was wearing Lily down. She felt tired and hungry (how could she have forgotten to pack food?) All her money was in Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts; no way would any sensible muggle take it.

So she was feeling pretty stupid.

Lily original objective was to reach SamLin’s house, but it occurred to her that SamLin was at the Blacks’ house, which she didn’t the address of. She cursed herself for bad thinking and planning.

She had managed to find herself a guaranteed way into a deserted countryside. However picturesque it was, it made Lily feel yet again detached from modern civilization. She hated that. But Lily, being Lily, still tried to hold her hopes up high and just continued walking.

Pretty soon, though, Lily found herself collapsing from utter exhaustion. She was pretty sure she passed out right then and there.

When she finally woke up, there was a car parked in front of her. Lily didn’t want to pinch herself, hit herself, or rub her eyes to spoil the moment; those options seemed too tacky and overused. Instead, she unsteadily got up, grabbing the handle of the suitcase.

The car door opened; out stepped a woman. Her unruly curls of shiny black fluttered in the slight breeze. She wore a pink blouse and a black skirt with high heels. Her eyes were hazel with gold flecks in them. She also seemed strangely familiar...

“Oh, Merlin!� the woman cried. “Charles!�

Lily’s thoughts were hazy, but she was pretty sure that the woman had said ‘Merlin.’ Only wizards and witches said that...

And she could recall the name Charles...

Immediately, a tall, lanky gentleman came out of the shiny car. He had a mess of black hair and had the deepest brown eyes. He too looked familiar.

And then, someone else stepped out of the car. Lily felt everything in her body stop along with time; movements seemed slow and thoughts took forever to reach her brain.

James Potter was –

Hang on; she was getting ahead of herself.

Unexpectedly, everything started moving at normal speed. James was smiling, but only ever so slightly. His parents looked shell shocked.

“Lily – is it Lily? – what are you doing out here?� James’ mother asked.

“Hon – Jane, look at her. Obviously it’s not the time to press questions,� Charles Potter warned.

“Where were you going, Evans?� James asked. Lily was surprised that his attitude seemed a bit colder since they last met, instead of carefree. Then she remembered the dance.

“I was trying to find my way to SamLin’s, but then I realized she is staying over at the Blacks’,� Lily answered stiffly.

“Well, you can come with us,� Jane Potter offered. “We were driving to the Blacks’. They live in London. Sirius wanted to come and see his family.� She paused. “Please come; really, it wouldn’t be a burden.�

Lily couldn’t turn down a ride to her destination, so she replied, “Thank you, Mrs. Potter. It’s really nice of you. Really.�

“Not at all,� James commented, taking Lily’s suitcase from her.

And that’s how she ended up in the back seat of the Potter’s car (with James) on the way to the Black household.

The Potters were nice; they made conversation with Lily but didn’t invade her private business. Lily liked them. She couldn’t see how James could’ve come out of these nice people.

After about a half an hour, they reached an old-looking Victorian mansion. It gave Lily the impression that the house had once been grand, but had lost that sense over the years.

Forgetting herself and her manners, Lily jumped out of the car and rushed up to the door. She looked at the plaque; it read ‘Number 12 Grimmauld Place.’ Lily shook her head. What a strange name.

And as she knocked on the door, things just got stranger. The door was opened by no on she knew, but an unpleasant-looking woman with pale skin, long straight black hair, and long fingernails. Those fingernails frightened Lily; they looked like scythes.

Her blue eyes, nearly black, were like Katie’s but missing their warmth. Though framed with beautiful thick eyelashes, they were cold and froze the air around her. Lily gulped.

“You are...?� the lady asked. She seemed to carry an air of superior-ness that made Lily feel small and cowardly.

“Lily Evans,� she managed to cough up. “And your name is...?�

“Mrs. Black.� The woman sniffed and narrowed her eyes at Lily. “Are you a –�

“Evans! Why are you here?� Sirius appeared out of nowhere. Lily could kiss him.

“I’ve come to see SamLin. Where is she –?�

“Upstairs, I think.� Lily whipped around; there stood James. Lily felt her expression twitch.

“Thanks, J – err, Potter,� Lily said quickly and then zipped up the stairs, searching for SamLin’s room.

*

“Oh, Lils, I feel so dreadful.�

“Well, Sammie, everyone feels that way when they’re sick...�

“Not that.�

“Then what?�

“His parents don’t like me. And neither does Bellatrix.�

Lily had meandered around the house, when she came across someone who looked like Sirius’ cousin, Bellatrix. She had asked for directions, but seventh year had simply brushed her off. Luckily, Regulus, Sirius’ little brother, had seen Lily and told her exactly where to find SamLin.

So she found herself sitting beside her best friend on an uncomfortable, hard bed in a guest room. The floor was a gray stone, and the walls looked the same. Shabby curtains pathetically covered the windows, but tons of sunlight still shone through them.

It was obvious SamLin was not being treated well. Lily didn’t understand why Sirius tolerated letting her stay here and get worse.

They were talking. Lily had to bite her tongue to keep from shouting “WHAT?!� and smack that Mrs. Black and Bella.

Instead, she said, “Sammie, don’t feel bad. You’ll always have your fair share of admirers.�

“But I feel horrible! Sirius seems so disappointed. Is it in me?� Her celestial eyes were worried.

Lily wasn’t sure, but she couldn’t leave her friend with a simple shrug. “SamLin. Sirius likes you. He has to be disappointed in his parents.�

SamLin ignored her friend and crossed her arms. “I think they don’t like me because they think I’m a ‘blood traitor.’ You know, hanging around people like you...� SamLin trailed off.

Lily was shocked; not many people were prejudiced about muggle-borns like her. Well, Slytherins were, but she couldn’t imagine someone like Sirius Black coming from a family background like this. She obviously didn’t know him.

And if she didn’t know him, she certainly didn’t know his best friend...

Lily shook her head, both in answer to SamLin and her own thoughts.

“Well,� Lily said, “Sirius is still happy at having you with him. Don’t worry about his family; if they don’t know you, they must be all gits. Just forget about it.�

SamLin laughed, but that soon turned into a cough and then a moan. Lily placed a caring, pale hand on her friend’s paler forehead.

When would all of this end?

Lily sat dutifully beside her friend until there was a knock on the door. SamLin’s eyes fluttered open as Sirius Black entered the room.

“Thank you for taking care of my friend as best as you could,� Lily said. Sirius smiled wryly.

“Well, it was definitely fun,� he said cheerfully with a smile. Lily’s eyebrows arched.

Sirius backtracked. “No – no, I mean it wasn’t fun having her sick. Definitely not. It was just fun of having her here, being sick,� Sirius said in a suave but flushed manner. Lily smiled; if anyone could control the Hogwarts Casanova, it would and should definitely be her friend.

Sirius exited the room. Lily noticed a forlorn expression on SamLin’s face as he did.

Lily and SamLin chatted for a few minutes. There wasn’t that much talk though as it was obvious SamLin was definitely not feeling well. Lily just sat there and comforted her as she coughed.

“Hang on,� SamLin suddenly said after a terrible coughing fit. “What’s that noise downstairs?�

Lily listened.

“Why would you spend time with that girl, Sirius? That girl is a –� Lily recognized it as Mrs. Black’s voice.

“DON’T you say ANYTHING bad about her!� Lily heard Sirius growl.

There was a brief silence.

“I knew you were a bad seed once you were sorted into that Gryffindor! At first I thought it was just a mistake, but then you make friends with blood traitors, Mudbloods, Half-bloods, and others who are unworthy to learn magic! And then you invite them over to tarnish our pure household!� Mrs. Black yelled back.

More silence.

“You,� Sirius said quietly, but his voice seemed to command the attention of the entire household. “You lying, deceitful mother. I used to be proud of this family. I actually held respect for you all. And you managed to deceive me, also. I just thought I was different. I thought I had a little bit of different views on how the Wizarding world was managed. Different; not bad different, just different. But then you showed me you never cared for me ever since I was just eleven years old! And then you make fun of my...g – my friend and her best friend! And you call my best friend a blood traitor! But worst of all, you threatened and scared her when I wasn’t there to realize it. Merlin, I could care less about you now.�

“Fine,� Mrs. Black sniffed. “But don’t expect me to take you in after this fight. I’ll disown you and curse you off our perfect family tree! GET OUT NOW! YOU AND YOUR AND LITTLE FRIENDS, TOO!�

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO DISOWN ME!� Sirius bellowed. “I’M OUT OF HERE! AND I’LL TAKE ALL THE� – SamLin coughed and Lily gasped at the word Sirius used – “TIME I NEED!�

Lily was quaking inside after listening to the two Blacks fight. She wanted to get out of here. Now.

Suddenly, Sirius came bursting into the room. “Come on,� he said to the two girls. “We’re out of here. Evans, I’ll carry SamLin and you just get out of here before my mother feels the need to curse you out of here.�

Lily nodded and quickly scurried down the stairs and was out the door in a flash. The three Potters were already waiting by the car. A couple seconds later, Sirius and SamLin appeared.

“Listen,� Jane Potter said gently. “We can take you three home to our place. And Sirius, if you need somewhere to stay permanently, I can only think of one suitable home with a best friend and two willing parents.�

Sirius broke out into a smile and nodded his head. He and James gave each other a manly pat on the back (being too embarrassed to hug), then hopped into the car.

The two older Potters looked at her and SamLin.

“I guess my parents would think it’s alright,� SamLin said, coughing.

“I’m not really in a position to return home,� Lily said.

“Remember,� Mrs. Potter said, “you two will always be welcome at our home.�

But as James’ parents smiled at her and she was in the backseat again (now much larger than before to hold room for the extra company), she wondered if staying with the Potters for the entire summer was something that she would regret.

*

It was around the beginning of August. Lily had already been at Netherfield with the three Potters, one Black, and one Anderson for about a week. And it had been both fun and nerve-wracking.

Lily had spent the week with SamLin, talking and laughing. It had been refreshing to talk to someone who would realize and be supportive of Lily.

Right now, SamLin was recovering nicely. Mrs. Potter had sent up a House Elf with tonic and some chicken noodle soup. Lily suspected SamLin had definitely finished the soup by now, but the tonic was probably spilled on the floor or hidden under a pillow. Lily just had to chuckle.

Today, SamLin had urged Lily to spend time with people who were not confined to their beds. Lily had taken her advice, but still sat around, basically doing nothing.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter were out running errands, which left Sirius and James and Lily alone in the sitting room. James was hunched over the coffee table, in which he seemed to be addressing a letter on. Sirius was pacing around the room. Lily was still caught up in the exciting plot of her Les Misérables.

Sirius was leaning over James’ back, trying to obviously figure out who he was writing to. The Black kid smiled. “Buy a Quick Notes Quill, James?�

“No, Padfoot.� James didn’t look up at his friend. Lily could detect a half-hidden smile as he remained bent over the piece of parchment. “I just write fast.�

“Writing? Since when do we Marauders write?� Sirius inquired.

“Since mum told me to write to my sister or else,� James replied smartly.

Sirius’ mouth formed an ‘o’ of understanding. “Ah, yes. The famous Trinity Potter. By the way, how is she at the Beauxbatons summer program?�

Lily had to admit she was interested in the business about Trinity Potter. James had a sister?

“Quite fine, thank you very much. Jeez, everyone in the entire Wizarding world seems to care more about Trin than me.�

“I care ‘bout you, Prongs,� Sirius said in a fake, high-pitched voice. James nearly threw the quill at him.

Lily snapped her book shut, stuck her ragged ribbon on the page she left off at, and got up. She’s finish her book later.

“Up, Evans?� Sirius asked. James looked up, but continued writing. Lily rolled her eyes at his tacky behavior, but smiled and started pacing the room like Sirius.

“Want to join us, James?� Lily asked, not awkwardly but in a polite matter. She didn’t even know why she asked.

“No, Evans.� He kept writing. She felt a twinge of disappointment.

The make her feel better, she commented loudly, “Well, I could’ve used the time to get to know you better.�

James put on an ‘are-you-kidding-or-what?’ look. It made Lily feel slightly stupid. “Evans, you have never really attempted to get to know me better. Why should now be different?�

“What if I’m just trying to find yet another fault in you?� she shot back.

“Well, I’ll give you the answer later.� He continued to write.

“Oh, but I can’t tease you now,� Lily said sarcastically, but in a way, her tone almost had soft edges. “Too bad, since I really enjoy laughing at you, James Potter.�

James looked up and met her green eyes. How could he have so much composure when he did that? His blank look soon had a smile on it. He said simply, “And you called me ‘James.’� No surprise, no arrogance, no ‘I’ll-use-this-for-blackmail-later’ tone. Just a simple statement.

Lily tried to remain calm like him. She walked back to her seat, opened her book, but didn’t look past the page she was on. She was too busy contemplating.

September first. There was so much promise in that date. It was the day all magical kids went back to Hogwarts, yes, but for Lily, it promised so much more. She liked to look at it as the start of brand-new adventure.

Yet every adventure has its interesting start, not unlike this one.

“Ouch! Merlin, you stepped on my toe!�

“I did not, Lily Evans. Your bag dropped on your toe.�

“Whatever.�

Lily was a little cranky. (Okay, probably more than a little cranky.) Sirius had woken up the entire household at five o’clock in the morning, jumping on Lily’s bed while screaming, “Wake up! WAKE UP!� Lily had screamed at him to shut the bloody heck up, for Merlin’s sake, and now her voice was hoarse. To give herself an energy boost, she had decided to drink a large cup of extra strong coffee with lots of sugar. SamLin had been afraid that Lily would’ve been jumping off the walls with all the caffeine in her body, but now she just had a wretched headache.

Other than that, she was pretty excited for the first day of school. All of them had gone shopping at Diagon Alley a couple weeks back. They had run into Alice and Katie, but Emily was nowhere to be seen. Lily could only hope she wasn’t somewhere in Knockturn Alley shagging a seventeen-year-old in a secluded alleyway. She may not approve of Emily’s behavior, but it wasn’t something you could ignore.

“Here’s a compartment,� SamLin said, sliding open the door.

Lily immediately sat down and stared out the window, looking at the moving scenery. SamLin managed to heave her and Lily’s suitcases up on the rack. She sat down next to Lily.

“Do have any money for the Trolley Lady?� SamLin asked, looking through her change purse. She frowned, seeing only one Knut.

Lily shook her head. She hated herself for being a loud, complaining crab, so she took to being a silent one.

“Merlin, there you are!�

SamLin and Lily turned their heads. There was Emily and Katie. Immediately, they entered the compartment and flopped down onto the seats.

“We haven’t seen you since...� SamLin looked thoughtful. “Actually, it was two weeks ago, Kate.�

Katie scowled, but it was a sweet one. “I refuse to tolerate even one second of being called Kate –�

“Of course, since your real name is Katharine,� Lily reminded her cheekily. She couldn’t help it.

Katie rolled her eyes. “You guys aren’t helping. Can I help it if my mother and father were into long names, and despised short ones?� Katie had about three middle names, which no one could ever remember.

Emily remained silent as the other girls teased each other mercilessly, which wasn’t common.

“Hey, Em,� SamLin said gently, standing up and sitting next to her. “What’s wrong?�

“Katie,� Emily suddenly said sharply. “I think you have a prefects’ meeting right now.� Emily said it in a way not to remind her, but to make her go.

Lily looked at Katie, expecting some sort of yell, but the black-haired girl got up and left the compartment.

“I don’t really like Katie anymore,� Emily blurted out once the door to the compartment slammed shut, staring at her two other friends straight in the eye.

Pause. “Why?� SamLin asked.

Emily shifted in her seat. “You know. It’s just that she’s kind of weird. And smart. Yeah, Lily, I know you’re smart. It’s just she seems to go around and make sure people know she’s smart, right? So I don’t trust her.� Emily said her last sentence with a note of finality.

Lily’s eyes narrowed. Katie Carroll was one of her best friends. She didn’t flounce around and say what the twelve uses of dragon’s blood were. And she was weird, but they all were, in their own strange ways.

“So I had to get her out of here,� Emily continued. “Before I can tell you that I am in love.�

Lily was shocked and SamLin’s mouth hung open. “With who?� they both asked at the same time.

“W–� Suddenly, Emily was cut off by an argument taking place right outside the compartment. Lily could see the silhouettes of a tall person and a short person with her hair pulled back into a ponytail.

“Merlin! I can’t believe you, Alice! You agree to dance with me –�

“No, Longbottom! Emily set me up! That is the only freaking reason I danced with you!�

“Alice, don’t use bad language.�

“That was a little random,� Emily remarked, listening keenly. Lily could tell this was just another fight for her to gossip about.

“Shh,� Lily said, waving her hand around to silence Emily.

“Me?! Me! You’re asking me to stop using� – At this point, the voice of Alice got suddenly shrill – “bad language? Excuse me, but who’s the one hanging with the Marauders and laughing your little arse off and hexing and also swearing at little first and second years?! Yes, it’s you Longbottom!�

“Alice, I am just trying to have a mature –�

“Mature?! You call this mature, Longbottom? Having an argument...� Alice’s voice dropped a bit, but the three girls in the compartment could still hear her. “...with your worst enemy?�

“Alice,� they heard Frank Longbottom say as his silhouette grabbed Alice’s shoulders. “I just asked you to go to Hogsmeade. I thought you might’ve changed, but no, you blow up at me. Why?�

“Why are you asking?� Alice asked fiercely, but Lily could tell she was losing control of the situation and her voice wasn’t as confident.

“I’ve probably asked you thousands of times, and usually you just say, ‘In you dreams.’ Then – and I’m assuming this – you probably go to Samantha –�

“SamLin,� Alice hissed.

“Right, HamLin –� At this point, SamLin looked extremely offended at being called ‘HamLin.’

“SamLin,� Alice repeated, sounding exasperated. “You know,� she said, “how are you supposed to win the heart of a girl by asking her out millions of times and then forget her friends’ names?�

Frank ignored her. “Well, you just probably go to your little friends and laugh your little arses off about me. But never, ever, have you ever brought up a fight about it.�

“Then you’re just lucky,� Alice said menacingly.

“Alice Laurel Swith – Yes, I do know your middle name –�

“You stalker!� Alice accused.

“Anyway,� Frank continued, obviously gritting his teeth. “Has it ever occurred to you, Alice Swith, that I’m asking a dozen times to see if you’ll say yes? Say yes to a date to Hogsmeade?�

“Duh,� she said, even though SamLin got that look on her face when she knows one of her friends is lying.

The Frank silhouette leaned forward so he was nearly eye-to-eye with Alice. “Speak now or forever hold your peace, Alice.�

“What are you, some kind of Muggle something?� Lily saw Alice turn her head to see Frank’s hands on her shoulders. “And get your bloody hands off of me.�

There was a sigh and Frank’s arms crossed. “Alice, aren’t you going to say anything?�

Pause. Silence.

“Fine, don’t,� he said, and started to walk away.

“Not really,� Alice suddenly piped up. Lily could tell she was nervous, not her usual brave self. She could see her friend wringing her hands.

Emily, SamLin, and Lily could see Frank whirl around. “Okay, then. Saturday. Lake. Midnight. And if you don’t come and agree to go to Hogsmeade with me, I’ll tell the entire school your middle name.�

Lily could picture a scowl on Alice’s face. “Fine. Blackmail me all you want, but I’ll stand by what I’ve always said.� And he walked away, most likely smirking.

Alice entered the compartment, her suitcase in her left hand. There was silence. “Great to see you too, guys,� she said sarcastically. More silence. Alice groaned. “Please do not tell me that you heard me and Frank’s argument...�

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Frank?�

They could all see the forming blush on Alice’s cheeks. She rolled her eyes, trying to cover it up. “Don’t be a hypocrite, Lily. We know that the same kind of scenario happened at Netherfield.�

Lily’s eyes shot daggers at SamLin. “You told them?� Part of SamLin being sick in bed meant Lily moaning about all her problems with James, especially when he asked her to the dance.

SamLin shrugged. “They have a right to know. You went to the bathroom, so at the Florean Whatever-his-name-is’s Ice Cream Parlor, I told them.�

“But J – I mean Potter and I don’t fight. We have never gotten along and choose to give each other the cold shoulder. Until, at least, that...incident.� Thinking about it made a blush form on Lily’s cheeks, too.

“Admit it, Lils,� Emily said in a bored voice, inspecting her nails once again. “You like him.�

“Stop masquerading as a different person, Lily Evans,� SamLin added.

“And speaking of masquerading, SamLin, you better stop doing it, too. Also, casually mention to Sirius that soon you’d like include some personal shagging time, get married, and have lots of kids,� Lily said matter-of-factly.

SamLin’s mouth dropped open. “You know that?� she squeaked.

“Don’t keep up the ruse, Miss Anderson,� Emily said wisely. “Pretending you’re not that interested is going to make him believe that you do not want to have a good shag, which is very bad for you, since you do.�

SamLin hit her head with her hand, defeated. “I guess we’re all not in a position to give advice, if we’re all just bad hypocrites.�

Alice and Lily nodded solemnly, but Emily just rolled her eyes.

*

“There’s something wrong with me!� James yelled to the people in his compartment – Sirius, Peter, Remus, and Frank – while waving his arms around. “I mean, if Frank can manage to get a sort-of date out of Alice, how can I not do it with L – Evans?�

“I thought you said you didn’t like her,� Peter piped up. Frank and Sirius hit him using their Acid Pops.

“Try to please keep up with the program, Pete,� Sirius groaned.

“I am,� Peter said, scowling and rubbing his head.

“I didn’t like her,� James said, pacing around the compartment. “I didn’t.�

“Why?� Remus asked.

“I thought something was wrong with me. We’ve had a mutual loathing, but it’s nowhere near Swith’s and Frank’s, and I just accepted that. Suddenly, though, I felt compelled to just ask her out. I don’t even know why.� James ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Everyone in the compartment stared at him. “There’s something about her, like what Sirius said about an aura around SamLin.�

“This is crazy,� Sirius muttered, munching on a Cauldron Cake.

“Do you think I haven’t thought of that?� James suddenly exploded. “Do you think I haven’t thought to myself how...ridiculous this is?! I mean, I dislike her, and then I like. I have tried to talk myself out of it, but it’s impossible.� He stared out the window, watching the scenery rush by. “And just when I feel that she’s going to give me a chance, it just slips out of my hands.� James looked down at his hands, as if it was their fault.

“James,� Remus said, standing up and looking at him. “I think you just have to come face to face that you like her, and stop thinking about the social ladders of Hogwarts, or what her background is.�

“I think it’s more complicated than that,� Sirius chimed in. “I mean, Prongs, you’re a basket case. I think you’re psychotic and need therapy or possibly anger management.�

Remus shot him that ‘you’re-definitely-not-helping’ look as James rolled his eyes.

“I think it’s all really simple.� They all stared at Frank. He chewed on his bubblegum thoughtfully. “I mean, all you have to do is not behave like the prat that everyone thinks you are, and you’ve got yourself a date. That’s what I did,� he said proudly, snapping his gum.

James immediately started waving his arms around again. “That’s the problem! I just can never seem to act like that person around her. I always have to be arrogant, proud, and cold. I can hardly smile without worrying if I’ve got something in my teeth!�

“Merlin, stop worrying!� Frank yelled. James stopped and stared at him. “Good,� he said, resuming his loud chewing again. “Okay, James. Advice: Tell her your feelings. I’ve made my feelings obvious, and maybe that’s what you think too about Evans, but you have to tell her. Confirm her suspicions. Females love this sort of thing.�

“Tell her?� James asked in disbelief. “Just tell her and expect – Poof! – everything to become perfect and for her to come running into my arms?�

Frank shrugged. “Well, it’s a start.� The others nodded.

“Okay,� James said slowly, running a hand through his hair again.

“But,� Remus suddenly said, “if you want to confess, do it soon.�

“Why?� all four other boys asked him.

“Well, at the Netherfield Ball, I wouldn’t exactly say that Lily’s behavior toward your cousin wasn’t cordial. It was flirting.� Remus looked slightly nervous at having said this.

“WHAT?!� James roared, making everyone jump. “She was flirting? And was he hitting on her? Merlin, I’m going to kill his sorry little a –�

“James.� Remus held up his hand, which silenced his friend. “It’s normal. You have to let her know how you feel though before she stomps on your heart with someone you hate. And in the meantime,� he added, “don’t kill your cousin.�

James scowled. “Out of all of Hogwarts, it had to be Willard...�

Everyone was silent. They all knew about the tension between Willard and James and their past, and preferred not to bring it up.

“Another reason,� Peter said slowly, “is the fact that Sirius’ cousin� (here Sirius scowled; he hated any mention of his family these days) “is practically all over our James here.�

“She is?� Sirius and James asked in unison.

“Isn’t it obvious?� Frank asked. “I mean, she wouldn’t get off your back at the Netherfield Ball and when you danced with Evans, she looked like she was ready to murder.�

James sank down into his seat. “Great. Just great. Yet another problem for the infamous James Potter.�

Silence.

“Look, Prongs,� Sirius said, sitting down next to him. “Eat some candy and try to nap. After all, with what seems to be ahead of us this year, you’re going to need it.�

“It’s tomorrow night?� Lily rolled over on her bed so she was laying flat on her stomach.

“That’s the message,� Emily replied, her jade-like eyes glowing in the dark.

It was only the first day back and already the Marauders were planning a common room party. So far, based on Emily’s information, there was going to be lots of decorations, butterbeer, fire whiskey, mead, and sweets. Lily had loudly objected when she heard about the alcohol, but Emily and surprisingly Alice had ruled her out. The five had decided to go.

“I am not drinking, though,� Lily said again, running a hand through her hair. “And Katie?�

“What?� Katie asked icily. Her face was covered by a book titled Oliver Twist. Lily really should’ve known better: Katie hated to be disturbed while she was in the middle of a novel.

“You better not drink either,� Lily warned. “After all, you’re a prefect.�

“Merlin, no. ‘Course I wouldn’t, Lily.� Katie licked her finger and turned the page. Lily could tell by her face that she was probably at the part where Bill Sikes was hanged.

“Katie, what are you reading?� Alice inquired loudly. It was lucky it was only the five of them in the dorm.

Katie put her book down and glared at Alice.

“I don’t even know how you can read,� Emily remarked, braiding her hair.

Katie looked at Emily as if she was ludicrous. “I look at the word. In this case, it’s ‘chimney.’� She pointed at the word in the sentence she was obviously in the middle of reading. “Then I think about what exactly ‘chimney’ means. Okay. Then I move onto the next word, which is ‘then.’ And then – No, I’m not talking about the word, Emily – I finish the sentence. ‘Sikes quickly tied the rope around the chimney, then began to tie the other end around himself, ready to lower himself to the ground behind the house.’ I figure out what it means – Oh my! – and repeat the process. Simple, no?� Katie looked at Emily, challenging her green-grey eyes with her own dark blue ones. Emily rolled her own eyes.

“She probably meant with SamLin snoring in the background, right?� Lily asked quickly, hoping that a fight did not break out between the two. Katie and Emily were not getting along since the Back-to-School Feast.

SamLin snorted in her sleep, as if to prove Lily right.

“She’s not as bad as Katie, though,� Emily said, talking as if her friend wasn’t in the room. “I once heard her talking in her sleep, speaking gibberish and falling over onto the floor.� Emily laughed, but Lily and Alice just stared at her. Katie looked livid.

That did it. Katie threw the covers off of her and ran down and out the dorm. She only took her book with her.

“Emily.� Lily stared levelly at her. Emily and Katie never got along that well from the start, but this was a little much. “Why’d you have to go and do that?�

Emily stared at her, eyes wide. “What?�

Alice growled. “Don’t play stupid, Bennett. Why are you being mean to Katie?�

Emily’s face changed to indignation. “Oh, so you’re siding with her?�

“Emily,� Lily said, “there’s no sides.�

“That’s what they all say,� Emily muttered. “You know what?� Her eyes flashed. “I don’t need you guys! I’m going to take a walk.� And with that, she stalked out the dormitory, leaving an annoyed Alice, a confused Lily, and a snoring SamLin.

*

Emily walked down the hallway. It was so silent and dark and cold. She shivered. Emily desperately wished she had brought a sweater or a blanket or something.

But she couldn’t go back. Her friends didn’t care about her. Her eyes squinted, thinking about it. Once her life was perfect. Emily’s friends would never let her down. They kept her sane, and from going too out-of-control.

And now they wouldn’t listen to her feelings! Why? Katie was a nerd; she deserved to be kicked out of their little group. Katie deserved to have no friends. Yet deep down in Emily’s heart, she knew that wasn’t true. She sighed, stopping abruptly.

Emily just didn’t like Katie anymore. Truth be told, she never really did. And she was entitled to her opinion! But what did her friends do? They abandoned her. They finally abandoned her, after all these years. Emily couldn’t imagine what she would be without them, and here she was, deserted, alone.

She bit her lip. Emily knew she always needed support. She was popular, but empty. Her friends didn’t make her as empty. They showed her what really everything was about. And they made everything happy.

She had come crashing down. It was like her friends were holding her up, helping her trying to reach something, but when they left, all she did was fall down to the floor. And Emily knew she couldn’t reach that something by herself.

Emily thought. What she really needed was a pick-me-up. Something to help her rebuild without starting over completely. That was her: start out the game with the cheats in hand.

And then it hit her. Professor Slughorn, a portly and stupid man in her opinion, had shown them of the upcoming potions they would by studying in sixth year. One of them was like liquid gold. The Potions Master told them it made things lucky for the drinker.

Felix Felicis...

Of course! And she remembered the stupid git of a Potions professor had stored the cauldron in a cupboard somewhere in the classroom. She wouldn’t even have to make it. All she had to do was steal it.

She smiled. Emily knew it was one that her friends would recognize as not trying to get the attention of a certain guy, but one of malicious evil. She knew what to do. Emily would keep her friends and apologize (ugh) to Katie, until she found the right moment to abandon them and make them suffer.

With great vigor, her legs once again resumed walking, right down toward the Dungeons.

*

“Where do you think she went?� asked Lily nervously, hovering over a sleeping Emily Bennett.

Alice shrugged and her eyes narrowed just looking at Emily. “Who knows or cares?�

“Well,� SamLin said, looking at Emily, too. “Aren’t you a little concerned about her?� she offered gently.

Alice scowled. “After what she’s been saying about Katie? No.�

Last night, Lily and Alice had stayed up, worrying about their two friends. Finally, Alice had checked and Katie was down in the common room, snuggled on one of the couches sleeping with Oliver Twist in her lap. But Emily was nowhere to be seen.

Eventually, the two had fallen asleep at about three o’clock. It must have been from then until seven in the morning (when the both woke up abruptly, screaming from weird dreams and causing SamLin to grab Alice’s Beater bat) when Emily had returned, sprawled on her bed in the oddest position.

“You know,� Lily said thoughtfully, “that day on the train when Emily kicked Katie out?�

“Yeah,� SamLin said. “When she started to say she was in love...�

“Was she talking about Diggory?� Lily whispered. Even though her friend was asleep, she didn’t want to be caught gossiping about her if she awoke. “Or somebody else?�

“Never heard anything about that git over the summer,� Alice said.

“Funny,� SamLin remarked. “Knowing Emily, she would’ve definitely told us right after you argument if she was in love with him, but she let it go.�

“Wonder why,� Alice mused.

Lily yawned. “Let’s go down to breakfast. That’s where Katie probably is.�

Alice nodded. “But what are we going to do about her?� She pointed at Emily.

SamLin considered. “Leave her here. I don’t think she would appreciate us waking her up at seven.� She yawned, too. “Come to think of it, I’m not even too happy about you waking me up at seven. And I needed my sleep before the party.�

Pause.

Lily smacked herself on the forehead. “Oh! The party!�

“Stop worrying, Silly Lily,� Alice said. “Let’s just go down to breakfast. I’m starving.�

*

Lily leaned into the squishy sofa, trying to relax. She sighed. She stuck a finger in her ear, trying to make the music in the common room quieter to her poor brain. Yet as she stared at the walls magicked to show colorful drawings, Lily certainly felt dizzy.

She was really bored. The entire party had been a bore, except for the walls. Half of the Marauders weren’t even here yet. Lily didn’t really see a point of throwing a party (which they shouldn’t even be having in the first place) if you didn’t even show up.

Lily seemed to be the only one grouchy about the whole thing. SamLin was somewhere off to the side, dancing with Sirius. He looked so madly in love, it was a pity SamLin didn’t look the same. Alice, who actually did have some cups of fire whiskey, was on the other side of the common room fighting with some tall and burly seventh year. Emily had attended and was acting important in front of a group of girls, which meant she was obviously sharing gossip. Katie was smart and had gone up to the dormitory, a new book which looked like it was called David Copperfield in her arm.

Lily sighed again. All she wanted to do was get out of here.

“Hey.�

She looked up, expecting some drunken nightmare or one of her friends. But as she looked up, she met a pair of eyes. Dreamy eyes with splashes of dark green and bright blue mixed together.

“Willard!� Lily sat up. She hadn’t seen him since the Netherfield Ball. After that night, he had seemed to disappear. “Where’ve you been?�

Willard smiled, but it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it and ignored her question. “Mind if I join you?� He gestured toward the sofa she was sitting on.

“Not at all,� Lily responded, smiling.

“So,� he started, looking at her. She thought she was going to melt. “How’ve you been?�

*

“And I ran away!�

“Really?�

“Truly.�

Several hours and seven drinks later, Lily was still on the sofa with Willard by her side. They had had a pleasant conversation, before Willard had offered to get her a drink. Lily was apprehensive about answering. She had made a vow to herself to not drink, yet the way Willard smiled made her forget everything else. She had agreed, and Willard had offered to make it less painful by mixing the fire whiskey with the butterbeer.

After that, it was kind of a blur. Lily could remember babbling incessantly to Willard about several things, and then saying something about socks. Willard would always listen patiently, and then whisper in her ear if she wanted another drink. She loved when he did that so much.

Finally, he had gotten her a real fire whiskey, which Lily immediately started drinking out of the bottle. They had been on the topic of her runaway, but the alcohol and boldness stirred inside Lily made her venture a question.

“Willard, I have a question,� Lily loudly. It was lucky the music was blaring and there were so many people talking, because otherwise, somebody would’ve heard her.

Willard smiled at her sweetly and put his right arm around her shoulders. Lily felt safe and secure, but still couldn’t shake that feeling of something was wrong with the picture. “Anything.�

“Though it may seem rude, I must ask this: What is your reason for disliking Potter?� Lily asked loudly and in a slurred voice. For some weird reason, she still always used proper English, even drunk. Lily couldn’t help but notice as she was saying this how the lights in the common room illuminated his face and made him look like a beautiful, innocent angel. Or maybe it was all the fire whiskey.

He looked at her dead on. “Why do you not like James?�

“I –� Why didn’t she like him? She closed her mouth. Answer!

“Too many reasons, right?� Willard asked, laughing. It sounded out of tune and distant in Lily’s ears. Lily tried laughing along, but the laugh got caught in her throat.

“Well, I hate – yes, hate, Lily – James for one reason: messing up my life. A life he had no reason to barge into.� It was weird how his words were not as slurred, Lily noticed.

Well, she could sympathize with that. James Potter had barged, shoved, and jumped into her perfect life, too. Lily nodded her head to show she understood.

Willard ran a hand through his light brown hair. “I’d make this long story short, but I might as well get it over with. So. Anyway. I lived with the Potters at their mansion located in Pemberly. His parents and his grandfather – yes, we used to have a grandfather – doted on both of us. James and I would always run around playing and just plain laughing.�

Lily already predicted how this story was going. Her insides suddenly knotted tight, making her want to puke. Yet she couldn’t figure out whether it was this story or, once again, the alcohol.

“Then, when we were around eleven, anticipating going to Hogwarts, our grandfather died. He was a noble man. He loved us. His death was one we took particularly hard.� Lily cocked her head to one side, feeling a pang of sorrow.

“In our grandfather’s last will and testament, he left a large sum of Galleons to both of us. I had no use for the money, but I took it anyway. James, however, was definitely interested in the money. He demanded for my share, which I only give him a little of. Now I wish I didn’t give him anything.

“James placed bets, spent, and went around gloating about his fortune. Even at the age of eleven, he had a tendency to be very mischievous. He formed his Marauder gang, and from then on they spend the money for all sorts of cruel pranks.�

Well, that would explain where they got all the Filibuster Fireworks.

“He ordered for so much more money, that I eventually had to refuse to give it. With the popularity he gained, James started the rumors. In them, I was blamed for having trying to steal his Galleons. When I denied it, all the kids rejected me. They sent jinxes and curses my way for about a month. No one respected me. I lost my dignity.

“So now, unlike you, Lily, I had – and still have – nowhere to go.� His eyes looked so pained. Those eyes with a sea of blue and green floating in them. They were beautiful.

“How cruel!� Lily said in an astonished voice. She then turned apologetic. “I’m sorry I brought up the subject.� She wondered if she sounded serious, with the slurred words and all.

“Don’t be, Lily,� Willard said. She loved how he said that, so soft and sincere. “You were curious. Plus, I needed to get it out.� He smiled at her. Lily felt her heart stir a little. She could feel recklessness and feelings that threw her into a passionate frenzy.

Slowly but surely, he moved his left hand from its original position on the sofa and quickly entangled it into Lily’s. His eyes looked her hers, digging endless passages into her brain. “I’ve never told anyone that,� he said softly, almost like it was just another breath.

The smell of alcohol entered through her nostrils and intoxicated her brain. She inhaled and then exhaled deeply. In a way, Lily knew this wasn’t how it should be, but the thoughts were immediately dismissed from her confused brain. Lily could just barely sense Willard’s head moving in, so close that their noses rubbed against one another. The noises that surrounded them suddenly faded, and it seemed like it was only them in the room.

Willard pressed his mouth against hers. The kiss was so full of desire and passion, but for Lily, it was lacking that...something. But still, she leaned in for more, not wanting to pull away from her first-ever kiss.

“Come to my room,� he whispered, his hand sliding its way under her skirt.

Lily realized as Willard ran his hands up and down, it was just a façade. He had pretended to be sweet to her so he could win her over and get...this. It was all in the kiss. She could feel his desire – desire to obviously get more out of her than just a kiss. Lily could also smell and taste the alcohol, and knew he had obviously gotten her drunk for this purpose.

Angrily, she pushed him off of her. Willard fell onto the ground, hitting his head on the coffee table. He looked at Lily to see what was wrong, and he could tell from the look on her face that she knew what was going on. Lily was afraid he was going to hit her, but instead she felt Willard’s mouth against her ear, whispering, “Filthy Mudblood.� She gasped at his word use as he walked away.

Once he was gone, Lily brought her knees up to her body and hugged them, as if trying to somehow make herself smaller. Less noticeable. Luckily, nobody was staring or pointing or laughing at the foolish girl who was just kissing Willard...who? She didn’t even know his last name. Her indignation increased.

She felt used and betrayed. Lily had wanted the first kiss for all the right reasons, but he didn’t. And yet he still stole it from her. That frustrated Lily more than anything.

She wanted to be the brave, Gryffindor Lily in that moment, but all she could do was cry.

“Lily.� SamLin looked at her, as if trying to find out her secrets by looking into her eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell us?�

“It would be better for you to get your feelings out,� Alice offered.

“Sure it would be,� Lily said sarcastically, looking down at her feet to avoid eye contact with her friends, “Miss I-Got-To-Have-A-Romantic-Stroll-In-The-Moonlight-With-Someone-Who-I-Am-Going-To-Hogsmeade-With-Next-Month, while I simply got drunk and taken advantage of. After all, Alice, not everyone has a perfect love story.�

Alice crossed her arms angrily. “It’s not love! It’s not even puppy love! Or a crush! It was blackmail!�

Lily ignored her.

Ever since that Saturday night, Lily felt all bitterness and anger her heart could take. She had fallen into a drunken sleep, and could vaguely remember two voices shouting when they saw her (Lily was guessing this was SamLin and Alice) and half-carrying half-dragging her up the dormitory stairs. There was something cool on her forehead, and a hot tea had been ordered courtesy of Katie (Lily thought it was her since she heard someone shouting at a house elf). Then, the next morning, she woke up with an even worse headache than on the train and puked out things that she probably ate in her other lifetimes, when things were perfect. Now here she was: with a horrible migraine, being pestered by her friends, and her dignity lost. And through it all, she couldn’t help but still feel sorry for Willard’s tragic past that lead to his behavior. Darn it!

“Lily, it’s okay,� Emily said. “I had a horrible night, too. But maybe if you tell us, we can help you figure it out.�

Lily exploded. “Help?! You’re not going to help, Emily! You’re going to go to all of the other brainless popular girls and whisper to them about Lily Evans, that girl with a broken heart and hangover!�

Emily sat back on her bed, quiet.

“Look, Lily,� Katie was suddenly saying, slamming her book on her bed. “You’re being stupid. You’re keeping all your emotions inside of you. And does that help? No. And then when we’re trying to help you, you have to be Miss Sadistic! I am not putting up with that anymore! Just tell us!� Katie’s eyes were lighting up with anger.

Lily burst into tears again.

“Way to go, Katie,� Emily said sarcastically. Both of them had come to a rocky truce, but there still were always disagreements. “Lil, she didn’t mean that –�

“Yes she did!� Lily suddenly screamed. All of her friends looked at her, and the tea SamLin was holding fell to the ground. Tears stung her eyes. “I’m just a horrible b –�

“No you’re not, Lily,� SamLin said, patting her shoulders, clearly knowing what she was about to say.

“Yes I am!� Lily wailed. She sniffled; Alice ran to fetch a handkerchief. “You guys are just being nice to me and I just have to keep being stupid!� Lily let out a strangled sob.

“It’s okay, Lily.� Katie suddenly dropped to her knees and look at her. “I was just trying reverse psychology.�

Was Lily imagining it, or was Katie smiling?

Lily kind of smiled too. “And it worked.�

“However,� Alice said, “and no offense to you, Katie, but I still think you’d make a horrible therapist.�

Katie burst out laughing, and so did Lily. SamLin, Emily, and Alice looked confused but joined in. Soon, they were all laughing so hard they were crying.

“Okay, Lily,� SamLin said, pressing her hand up against her face to stop the tears flowing. “Now can you tell us the whole story so we can fix it?�

Lily sighed, finally ready. “I don’t know if you can fix the hole in my heart, but I think I can fill it up. Somehow.� In some way, they seemed to understand a little bit of what had happened from that comment, and not longer bothered her about the details.

*

“Mail’s here!� Katie announced to everyone at Gryffindor table.

It was about near the end of November and really close to holiday time. Everyone was anticipating the break.

Lily looked up; sure enough, the owls were coming.

Soon, all of packages and mail came down. SamLin, Lily, Katie, and Emily – the four most horrific people at catching, left it all up to Alice. They watched her as she caught a green package midair, along with the Daily Prophet, about two letters, and another package.

“Okay!� Alice shouted. “Letter for SamLin. And letter for...me.� She handed the letter to SamLin; letters were particularly hard to throw. Alice stuffed her letter in her pocket. “Package for Emily. Package for...me.� She tossed the package in the air and Emily actually managed to catch it while Alice tucked her package underneath her left arm. “And...Daily Prophet for Katie. Not for me.� She dropped the newspaper near Katie’s plate.

Frank did a catcall. Lily could see Alice roll her eyes.

“Remind me again, Allie, which day you’ve got your hot date?� Emily asked loudly.

“Shut up, Emily,� Alice grumbled, ripping open her package.

“Don’t deny it, Alice Swith,� Emily said in a sing-song voice. “You like him.�

Alice rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’ll admit I like him.� Lily was surprised that Alice’s tone was not sarcastic and she had a big smile on her face.

That’s weird, she mused, buttering her bagel.

Even though Emily had made up with all of them, Lily couldn’t help but notice strange things happening. If Emily got in trouble (which was often), she was never punished if caught. She also noticed more students worshipping the ground Emily walked on, but they never whispered about her, like normally. Alice and Katie were almost never mad with her anymore, even if she said something insulting. And, Lily also observed, if they looked like they were on the verge of becoming angry, they suddenly had a mood switch. The professors were starting to believe all of Emily’s excuses of being late/getting bad grades/forgetting homework. Her powers of persuasion somehow increased. And Lily also saw that she was giddy. Emily never stopped giggling these days, and was always happy, even if a situation was depressing in any way. Maybe these were positive changes, but Lily had a thought there was more behind them.

SamLin was humming as she opened her letter.

“So, Allie, what’s the plan for Christmas break?� Emily asked perkily, sipping her pumpkin juice.

“I’m going to go over Frank’s for a little while,� Alice replied, a little bit of a blush forming. It was normal to them, nowadays, to notice Alice blush at the mention of Frank Longbottom in any conversation.

“’Bout you?� Emily asked Katie.

Katie stared at Emily. It wasn’t a quizzical or hard stare; just a stare. “Em, did you slip something into your pumpkin juice?�

“What’re you talking ‘bout?� Emily asked breezily, and that was the end of that discussion. “So, where are you going?� Emily’s tone took on a more demanding one.

“Over Remus’.� Both prefects were still very close.

“Oh-la-la. Remus and Katie sitting in a tree, K-I-S –�

“We’re just friends,� Katie said, skimming the Prophet and rolling her eyes.

“That’s what they all say,� Emily said in her sing-song tone again. “And what about you, Lil?� Emily giggled.

“Home,� Lily answered. Though she despised the thought of going back to that place, she didn’t want to stay away that long. After all, even with her being a witch and all, they were her family, and life seemed impossible without them.

“Hmmm...� Emily hmmm-ed already looking bored with the conversation. “You, Sammie?�

Silence. Lily looked over, and saw SamLin looking at the letter she was holding despairingly. Her hand was shaking and she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

“Earth to SamLin,� Emily said, laughing.

“Sammie?� Lily asked quietly, resting a hand on her shoulder. It was quivering.

“Are you okay?� Katie asked, even though she and her friends knew something wasn’t okay.

Suddenly, SamLin gave a sob and started hitting her head on the table. The silverware rattled again and the Gryffindors looked over at her, whispering.

With another cry, SamLin ran out of the Great Hall, tears flying everywhere.

“Where’s she going?� Lily heard a second-year ask. “The sixth years have classes,� he said, as if no one in the world knew that but him.

Lily looked at her friends for suggestions. Emily shrugged, still looking pretty perky. Alice looked serious once again and worried about her friend. Katie looked anxious enough for all of them.

“I’ll go to her during my free period,� Lily told them all. Alice and Katie solemnly nodded, but Emily just shrugged again.

However, Lily couldn’t help but look over at the Marauders as she exited the Great Hall to go to Transfiguration. And she noticed Sirius was there, laughing with James at some joke Peter was telling while the others – Frank and Remus – looked concerned (obviously about SamLin’s breakdown).

Something, maybe it was intuition, but something told Lily that Sirius knew something that they all didn’t.

And she resolved to find out what and why.

“I don’t understand why he wasn’t concerned about you. I mean, the other prats – not including Peter and, well, Remus isn’t a prat – looked worried. They never look worried,� Lily babbled, hoping SamLin would say something.

No such luck. SamLin silently flipped through her book and just looked up at Lily.

Sticking to her promise, Lily had arrived at the dorm once her free period started. She had found SamLin sitting on the bed, staring out one of the windows. Since then, Lily was trying to get SamLin to open up and say something.

“I don’t understand –� Lily said again, but this time, SamLin actually cut her off.

“Look, Lily.� Her stare was hard as she gestured toward the letter on the nightstand. “Read it; I don’t mind.�

Lily was cautious as she reached for the letter and smoothed out the crinkles, reading aloud:

“Dear SamLin,

“I find our relationship changing. You seem distant. So I write this letter telling you that I must break it off.

“Do not take it personally. Lately, I have been under a lot of pressure to stop messing around and actually become a real man. I have no more time for fun and games anymore.

“We did have fun times, really.

“Sirius.�

Lily looked at SamLin, who was now picking at her bed sheets, with a look of horror on her face.

Lily said the first words that came to mind. “He’s an idiot.�

SamLin looked nervous. “Don’t judge him like that, Lil –�

“SamLin!� Lily yelled in disbelief. “He just broke it off with you! For no good reason! And all you can do is moon over him?� Her last sentence was a question, which gave SamLin a chance to defend herself.

She remained quiet for a while.

“Lily.� SamLin’s eyes were streaked with tears. “He said, ‘I have no more time for fun and games anymore.’ That means he thinks I’m not important –�

Lily took her by the shoulders, a motherly gesture that SamLin used to comfort Lily. “SamLin Andrea Anderson! Of course he thought you were important!�

SamLin looked down. “It is more likely he never ever liked me...�

“He liked you.� Lily looked straight into SamLin’s blue celestial eyes. “Or, more likely, he probably loved you. No, I shouldn’t say ‘loved.’ He must still love you.�

SamLin looked down again. “Love is a big thing, Lil. It seems almost foolish –�

“It’s not foolish,� Lily said quietly. “We’re just all fools in when we’re in love. I mean, look at Alice!�

SamLin avoided Lily’s gaze. “I should’ve never taken the chance with our relationship,� she heard SamLin mutter.

Lily got up; SamLin looked confused. “I’m going to talk to Sirius,� Lily clarified, and she saw the look of dismay on SamLin’s face. “And I’m going knock some sense into that stupid little brain of his.�

And she left.

*

“Oy! Black!�

Sirius Black was lounging on one of the couches in the common room, still with Peter and Potter. Remus and Frank were nowhere in sight.

He turned around, facing Lily.

“What do you want?� he asked irritably. Lily remained silent. “Aren’t you going to say something?� Sirius asked, thoroughly irritated now.

“Bastard,� Lily said. She was surprised at her boldness to even swear.

“Look, Evans,� Sirius said, flushed. He stood up. “I –�

“You didn’t have enough bloody Gryffindor courage to face her yourself?� Lily spat, disgusted. She had kept most of her anger inside when she was with SamLin. Now she was unleashing it.

Sirius looked down.

“Honestly, Black, what is all that ‘I am under pressure’ stuff?� Lily yelled. “Do you think anyone in their right minds would believe that?�

He looked at her and said quietly, “I am under pressure.�

“But you’re Sirius Black, and you rebelled against your mother!� Lily shouted. People were in the common room looked at them. “Don’t you think love comes first?!�

He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I still do love her,� he said, making Lily backtrack.

“Then why would you break her heart if she’s more important than the others?� Lily asked softly. ‘Others’ were Sirius’ past girlfriends, many in number.

“Bella threatened me,� Sirius said, even quieter than before.

“Then why –� Lily started to say, but Sirius cut her off.

“No!� he said angrily, looking at her. “She’s different than my mother! My cousin doesn’t make idle threats! I used to be on her good side, but now things have changed.� He paused, and then whispered, “She threatened to torture SamLin.�

Lily gasped, bringing her hands up to her mouth. She always knew there was something wrong with Bellatrix Black.

Lily now understood, but she had one more question. “How come you didn’t say so in your letter?�

He started to walk away, but paused, and said over his shoulder, “Because that would scare her. And if she knew, Bella might’ve found it amusing to torture her. And...� he said, sniffling a bit, “...I wanted to protect her from that. From me and my horrid family.�

Lily could feel tears come down her face, and if she wasn’t mistaken, she saw some on Sirius’ face, too. Sirius Black never cried.

*

Lily didn’t know what to do.

Sirius had told her his secret, and that somehow conveyed that he didn’t want her to go off telling SamLin (it wouldn’t help), Emily (And have the entire school know?), Alice (probably would just beat up Bellatrix or Sirius, depending on her mood), or even Katie (who probably wouldn’t do anything but just might tell SamLin).

But Lily couldn’t help but feel that Sirius was keeping some of the truth away from her.

She knew Sirius had probably had his reasons, but she really wanted to know the other half. Maybe he just made the Bellatrix story up? Lily wanted to be sure.

But who would know the real, whole truth?

Probably the Marauders or even Frank Longbottom.

Yet how was she going to get the truth out of them? Lily considered her options. Veritaserum would be difficult to make, but Lily knew she would be expelled if caught pouring some in Black’s pumpkin juice. She could try Polyjuice Potion, but Sirius would be too suspicious if she transformed into one of the Marauders and started randomly asking him questions.

No, no, no. She needed to think of something else.

Unfortunately, she didn’t have time. Her free period was up and she had to grab her schoolbag and rush to Potions.

As she ran down the hallways, she caught up with Katie and Alice.

“How’d it go?� they both asked.

“With SamLin or with Sirius?� Lily asked back.

Alice looked at Katie and she said, “SamLin first.�

“Okay,� Lily started. “Well, she let me read the letter. Black had dumped her.�

“What?!� Katie asked. “But he’s totally smitten with her!�

“That’s what I thought,� Lily said, gritting her teeth. “And SamLin’s still miserable about it. I tried to convince her that if he wants to break it off with her so abruptly that he’s not worth it. But she’s still wallowing in self pity; she’s sure that it is her fault.�

“And what did Black say?� Alice inquired.

“He –� Lily paused. What was she going to tell her friends? “He didn’t really say anything. He said, ‘I have my reasons’ after I yelled at him for a while, but when questioned, didn’t say anything more.�

“Wonder what those reasons are?� Katie mused wistfully.

You have no idea, Carroll.

While Katie and Alice continued speculating what had happened, Lily remained silent, holding her books up against her chest. She too was wondering what exactly Sirius’ intentions were or were not, but didn’t voice her thoughts out loud.

They entered the classroom and took their seats. Lily sat next to Katie, who was now quiet too.

“Hello, everyone!� a cheery voice suddenly piped up. Lily looked up. There was Emily.

“Hey, Emily,� Alice said dully.

“What’s wrong with all of you?� Emily asked perkily.

“No, what’s wrong with you?� Lily demanded. “You always act so...giddy these days. What –�

“Good morning, everyone!� a deep, also cheery voice, boomed. Soon, a fat man with a head full of straw-like hair emerged through a door to greet the class.

“Good morning, Professor Slughorn,� the entire class recited.

“Morning!� Professor Slughorn repeated. Lily rolled her eyes. He may be the teacher of one of her favorite subjects, but he could be quite an annoyance sometimes.

“I know in the beginning of the year you all...erm...� Professor Slughorn seemed to be searched for the right word. “...attempted to make the Draught of Living Death.� Lily thought back to the day, with purple smoke filling up the classroom and Frank Longbottom spilling his potion all over their Potions Master when he passed by. “But now I feel that you are all capable of at least making a...decent potion. Still, I do not really expect you all to make perfect potions� – his eyes landed on Longbottom, the worst Potions maker ever – “but I think everyone will be better than on the first day. To be on the safe side, however, I am pairing you up randomly.�

There were groans.

“Now, now!� Professor Slughorn said, waving his arms around. “I expect you all to be good about it. Let’s see...Carroll and Swith. Pettigrew and Black. Bennett and Diggory. Pettigrew and Longbottom. Lupin and Evans.� Slughorn continued thinking of pairs as Lily moved over to where Remus Lupin was sitting. It was just her friends’ luck to get each other as partners while she was stuck with a Marauder. Even Emily got paired with her boyfriend (Was it her boyfriend? Lily had to wonder). She was glad she was paired up with Lupin, though, instead of someone insufferable like Pettigrew, who seemed like he could barely pass Potions without a ‘Dreadful’.

“Hi,� Remus said.

“Hi,� Lily said back.

“Get started!� Slughorn bellowed.

“I’ll get the stuff,� Lily volunteered, and Remus nodded.

After that, they both worked in silence, once in awhile consulting their books and muttering the instructions. Lily was silent not just because she didn’t enjoy tons of noise around when she worked, but because Remus was a good friend of Sirius’. Maybe he even had a hand in helping Sirius dump SamLin!

So she continued to chop her Sopophorus Bean, humming a little to herself. Just as she was pouring the juice from the bean into their potion, Remus spoke up.

“He’s not really that bad.�

“Huh?� Lily asked, scrunching her nose as the potion sizzled.

“James.�

“What do you mean?�

“I mean that James isn’t really that bad,� Remus replied, looking at her.

“Speak for yourself,� Lily said. “He’s not going to redeem himself by passing messages through you.�

Remus continued to stare, ignoring their potion. “Really, Lily.�

“But –� Lily started, but Remus continued talking over her.

“He may be loyal to a fault at times, but he’s always there for you. Even when you don’t want him to be there.�

“Exactly my point!� Lily yelled. Everyone in the classroom looked at her. “Sorry!� she said to everyone, and they all shrugged, going back to mixing.

“Lily, I mean that he’s there always because you do need him always.�

“That doesn’t make any sense,� Lily said angrily. “And you’re supposedly to stir counterclockwise.�

“Sorry,� he apologized. “But, really. James is a nice guy.�

“Remus, you’re really bad at this,� a voice said. Lily whirled around. Behind her sat Peter Pettigrew, aimlessly throwing in a bezoar to his potion. “I mean, if you want to convince her like James asked you too, you have to be a little less subtle.�

Lily swore she heard Remus mutter, “Like you are� before saying, “Peter, you’re not helping.�

“Yes I am!� Peter objected loudly. “Give examples! If you want to say James is a loyal friend, then you should tell her about this week when James helped –�

“Tell me what?� Lily demanded, intrigued. Peter did say rather stupid things sometimes, but this piece of information seemed more like fact than fiction. She was also surprised to see Remus flashing Peter looks which clearly meant ‘shut-your-bloody-trap’.

“Nothing,� Remus interrupted quickly, smiling. “Peter –�

“Peter.� Lily wanted to know badly. She even abandoned her potion, letting Remus take over.

If Peter had seen any of Remus’ looks, he obviously wasn’t paying attention to them. Instead, he said blithely, “James just helped one of us get out of a dying relationship.�

“What one? Who did he help?� Lily was dying.

Peter was now sloppily stirring his potion has Remus kept throwing him ‘no-no-no’ looks. He wasn’t even looking at Lily as he said, “Sirius.�

It took a moment for Lily to register it. Suddenly, her eyes became wide. James had told Sirius to dump SamLin and break her heart?!

“What was wrong with the friend?� she demanded. Remus was hitting his head on the table, muttering something.

Peter still seemed oblivious to all of this, only happy that someone was actually paying attention to him. “He believed the girl was cheated on him, because she remained distant most of the time.�

“That’s rubbish!� Lily yelled, not caring if anyone was staring at her.

“Time’s up!� Professor Slughorn’s voice rang across the classroom. “Let me see what your results are!�

Once Slughorn was finished inspecting everyone’s potions (most of which he rated ‘Acceptable’ and giving her and Remus’ an ‘Exceeds Expectations’, but Peter and Frank getting a ‘Dreadful’), Lily quickly packed up her copy of Advanced Potion Making and stuck it in her bag. She didn’t even wait for Katie or Alice. All she did was run away, trying to run from that dreadful truth even though it slapped her in the face and was not going away.

It was the middle of the night. Lily was in her bedroom back at home, seething. She couldn’t believe she had actually been kind of happy to go home during the Christmas holidays.

It had all started when she tumbled down the fireplace and into the living room.

Lily really should’ve known better. She wasn’t in the mood to take the train ride home with Emily (who was getting perkier and luckier by the day), so she decided to Floo home. That was a mistake. When she emerged from the fireplace covered in ashes, her mother and Petunia promptly shrieked. Her father hugged her, though. That made her remember why she wanted to come home so badly.

They had all settled in for dinner. The candles were lit, the food looked nice, and the snow was falling outside their kitchen window. The atmosphere should’ve also been warm and comforting, but no. Her sister and mother were stiff and they wouldn’t even ask her to pass the potatoes. Petunia even went so far as to going around the table to Lily’s side, picking up the bowl of green bean casserole and heading back to her seat. Her father seemed anxious, as if expecting something to explode. Lily only picked at her turkey, feeling nervous. Everything was silent. There was no laughter like the other times, no reminiscing the times when her mum nearly burned the house down that year when she forgot about the rice pudding.

Finally, Lily had had enough. She usually would’ve remained quiet, but she wanted to be friendly with her family.

“Aren’t you guys going to at least say ‘hello, Lil’?� she had asked quietly, putting her fork down and waiting for a reply.

Immediately, the two other female Evans stopped chewing. Petunia slammed her knife down on the table. “You expect us to say hello some witch?!� she had shrieked.

Lily was taken aback. She had known that Petunia was jealous she never got to see her sister anymore, always scowling at the mention of SamLin or the others. But this?

“What have I done?� Lily had asked indignantly.

“What have you done?� Petunia had continued shrilly. “What have you done?!�

“I don’t understand,� Lily had said, gritting her teeth.

“Our mum has been in debt to cousin Vernon for a long time,� Petunia started, her tone getting louder with each word. “The only way she could possibly pay off that debt was by marrying off one of us! Don’t you see, you filthy little witch?! You ran away and abandoned your family for that...that James Potter you were dancing with, tramp!�

“I did not even know of this!� Lily had replied hotly. “And I don’t like James!�

“It was written all over your stupid little face!� Petunia had shrieked. She had picked up a piece of bread and threw it at Lily. “So instead, I got engaged to Vernon to secure our family’s deal. I am the responsible one. You ran away from your family when they needed you most!� Looking back on it, Lily would’ve found the situation funny if it wasn’t so terrifying.

She remembered looking over at her parents and thinking, Why weren’t they intervening? Her dad had sat there, staring at his fork and her mum had been giving them both a beady-eyed look.

“I didn’t know about mum being in debt!� Lily had sobbed.

“Aren’t queer little witches supposed to read minds?� Petunia had snapped. “I’m surprised you didn’t torture us with your mind!�

“How dare you!� Lily finally yelled, scooping up a handful of mashed potatoes and aiming them at –

“Lily Eliza Evans!� her mother had screeched. “Don’t you ever throw things at your sister! Go to your room!�

Lily’s mouth had fallen open. Her mother was supporting Petunia after she threw a piece of bread at her? The filthy hypocrite! And her dad! He didn’t even say a word! She had stomped up to her room, her pride bruised and her head confused.

Lily could feel hot tears coming down her cheeks. She rocked herself back and forth on the bed, trying to stop herself from crying.

She knew she could not stay. Christmas morning would be even worse. Lily wouldn’t have been surprised if Petunia gave her an old pair of dirty knickers.

Lily glanced over at her trunk. She could leave. She didn’t even unpack anything the night before, falling onto her bed crying. Lily even got up and looked out the window. Her owl Evangeline was coming back from hunting. The tree next to her window looked okay.

But where could she go? SamLin was in no position to help, as she was still prone to crying fits at the mention of dating/Sirius/anything to do with Sirius. (Usually, she was the shoulder Lily cried on, but SamLin could only take as much as crying on Lily’s shoulder for once.) Katie and Alice were over Remus’ and Frank’s houses, and Lily couldn’t imagine running to their parents for help. Emily was just...she didn’t know. It was almost unbearable to think of being around her these days, but the minute she walked into the room, everybody would worship her.

Suddenly, Lily could hear a woman’s voice in her head.

“Remember, you will always be welcome at our home.�

“Mrs. Potter?� she whispered aloud.

She hugged her legs. There weren’t any other options. As much as she hated running away from home again, she doubted that her mum and sister would be sad about it.

Lily looked out the window again. Evangeline flew in and immediately perched herself on Lily’s arm. Lily smoothed out her feathers and placed her in her cage. She quickly changed into something suitable. Lily grabbed her trunk and birdcage, quietly opening the door and walking down the stairs, trying not to wake anybody up. She slipped out the door, hearing the creak as she closed it shut. Then she started walking.

*

Merlin, she was stupid!

Lily stopped walking and stared ahead at the road ahead of her. Though she wasn’t anywhere near a deserted countryside, she still felt stupid.

She had packed food (there were some Bertie Bott’s stuffed in her trunk), but now she was nearly out of it. She had no where she was. And most of all, Lily had no clue where she was going.

Sure, they had been in that house at Netherfield, but it just dawned on Lily that they had been renting the stupid mansion. The Potters could be living somewhere in Japan for all she knew.

Lily continued walking. I mean, there weren’t many other options. But it was dark, and she didn’t happen to see the gigantic puddle of water in front of her.

She slipped quickly, her legs going up and resulting in her falling on her head on the black pavement. Her suitcase dropped from her now limp hand.

Lily didn’t know how long she was there, but she did remember waking up to blinding lights. She quickly moved a hand in front of her face and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember something. Her cheeks reddened as she thought about her fall and she chewed the inside of her mouth.

“Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for a stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Sam Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this evening so – Hang on. Is anyone even here?�

For a moment, Lily thought this was some kind of continuation of a dream.

“Hey! What are you doing down there?!�

Lily looked up at the voice. She saw a tall handsome man standing in the door of a bus, looking down at her with a quizzical expression.

“Slipped,� she said quickly, trying to get up. “And who are you?�

To Lily’s surprise, the man threw back his head and laughed.

“Who am I?� the Shunpike guy asked, as if Lily were ludicrous. “Who am I?�

At this point, Lily began to feel very irritated. She didn’t need anymore people belittling her. So she placed her hands on her hips and said in her most haughty voice, “Well, considering you just basically dropped out of the sky and now you’re laughing at me, I would like to know.�

The guy immediately shut up. He straightened and replied, “I’m the conductor of the Knight Bus. We take any witch or wizard anywhere they’d like to go.�

“Anywhere?�

“What do you think I just said?�

For a moment she contemplated. “Can you take me to places that I don’t know where they are?� she asked earnestly.

“What?� Sam Shunpike asked.

“Can you take me to somewhere that I don’t know where it is?� Lily repeated.

It was now Sam’s turn to be contemplating. “Such as...?�

“Well,� Lily said, “do you know where the Potters live?�

Sam started chuckling. “Merlin, you’ve got to be the hundredth person who has asked.�

“Huh?�

“Girls just seem to love that James Potter,� Sam explained. “They want to go over there and stalk him.�

“No – no, it’s not like you think,� Lily said quickly, flushed. This comment reminded her of what Petunia said: �You ran away and abandoned your family for that...that James Potter you were dancing with, tramp!�

“So...what?� Sam was now leaning against the rail.

“What?� Lily asked, confused.

“What are your circumstances?� he clarified.

“Ummm...� Lily tried to think of an excuse. “My parents are friends with Mr. and Mrs. Potter. They already went to the Potters before Christmas break at our school – Hogwarts – and I don’t know where they live since my parents usually perform Side-Along Apparation –�

Sam held up his hand. “Stop,� he commanded. Surprisingly, Lily listened to him.

“Your excuse sounds legitimate,� he continued, and then winked at her. “You can come on.�

Why would he wink at her? Did he actually think that she was chasing James Potter?! That –

“That would be wonderful,� Lily said, trying to stop herself from saying what she was thinking. “Thanks.�

“You’re welcome,� Sam replied dutifully. Then, he turned around and yelled, “Hear that, Ern? We’re finally going!�

“I swear by Merlin, if that’s another one of James’ classmates, I’m going to do something! That boy has got to stop fooling around with the girls in his year and above!�

“Charles, maybe it’s –�

“I don’t care, Jane! I mean, it’s the middle of the night for crying out loud!�

Lily listened to the voices get closer to the door she just rang. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Sam Shunpike and Ern (whoever he was) dropped her off in Pemberly, Derbyshire (as Sam informed her) at the doorstep of the most enormous mansion she had ever seen. It was bigger than the ones in fairytales. And it was definitely bigger than Netherfield Hall.

The door swung open, and there was a half-clothed Mrs. Potter – with a coat pulled over her night dress – and Mr. Potter, with a grumpy expression and a lit wand.

“Who –? Oh, Lily!� Mrs. Potter cried.

“Lily?� Mr. Potter asked both sleepily and grumpily.

“She was with us at Netherfield,� Mrs. Potter said to her husband. Then – to Lily – she asked, “Why are you here, honey?�

Lily thought she was going to burst out into tears, but she held them back. I mean, it was bad enough she was on the Potters’ doorstep in the middle of the night in the first place. “I – I needed a place to stay. You said –�

“Shhh,� Mrs. Potter said comfortingly. “I know. I said this was the place to come if you need a second home. And you came to the right place, Lily.�

*

It was as if Mrs. Potter knew she was coming.

There were six guest rooms, but two of them already had fresh flowers and warm sheets. One was already occupied. Apparently, Sirius had taken to staying with the Potters, too. The other one was being tended to by a House Elf as Lily walked inside.

Lily loved everything about the manor. She explored the castle (what she called it) everyday, and always managed to find some time to spend to read in the sprawling gardens, or even on that bench in the rotunda. The artwork here was even older and more priceless, and nearly everything she sat on was antique.

Today, it was two o’clock, and by now she would’ve normally been outside relaxing. But today, it was raining. Or pouring, to be exact. So instead, Lily rested in the library with the rest of the Potter clan and Sirius Black.

“Mrs. Potter, don’t you have a daughter named Trinity?� Lily asked; she had recalled hearing of another Potter sibling.

“Yes, dear, but she’s at her friend Emmeline Vance’s home� was the reply she got. Mrs. Potter stared out the window wistfully. “I wish you could meet her. She has a lovely voice and wonderful piano skills. And she has a wonderful gift for Charms.�

Lily stretched, thinking about this. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine this girl in her mind.

Just To distract herself, Lily decided to read. She looked on the couch for her book when, suddenly, it hit her. Her book was probably on the bench in the rotunda. She got up immediately.

“Lily, dear, where are you going?� Mrs. Potter asked.

“I just have to get my book,� Lily said over her shoulder, walking out of the library and the house.

Outside, the air felt cold and heavy. Lily shivered as her teeth chattering. She spotted the bench, but there was no book. Lily paused, trying to remember where she left it. Then she smacked her forehead, not believing how stupid she was.

The garden! It would be soaked by now!

Grimacing, Lily prepared herself to run across the lawn into the gardens, which were like a maze. She quickly rushed down the marble stairs and started sprinting, her shoes sloshing in the wet mud. She could feel the rain soaking through her now wet, white shirt.

She entered the gardens, taking a left and spotting her book in the middle of the stone pathway surrounded by hedges and colorful bushes. Lily went to pick it up when –

“Evans!�

She whirled around, her hand halfway in her pocket where her wand was.

“There’s no reason for that,� James Potter said as she looked up, facing him. “I’m no threat.�

Really.

Instead of saying what was on her mind, though, Lily kept silent and crossed her arms. She was conscious of the fact that Potter’s eyes kept wandering over to her now see-through shirt.

James ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t stand it anymore, Evans. These past months have tortured me, leaving me awake at night –�

“That’s just poetry,� Lily said quietly, and James looked at her, blinking. He stepped closer. Surprisingly, Lily didn’t move.

“Don’t – Don’t make this any harder than it has to be,� James said firmly. Lily just blinked back at him, not quite understanding...

“Fine,� he said, running a hand through his hair once again. “Right. Okay. It’s just so hard standing here in front of you knowing you can’t be mine.�

“I...don’t understand,� Lily said slowly, even though she had a pretty clear idea in her mind.

James stepped closer, closing the usual two-foot gap between the two of them. “Believe me, Lily, I’ve tried. I’ve fought against my conscience...my better judgment...�

Lily waited.

“Lily...� James whispered, now suddenly up against her ear, hands on her shoulders, “...I love you.�

Now that she hadn’t been expecting.

Surprisingly, though, Lily almost believed him. There was no swagger in how he said it, nothing prat-ish in the least. She found herself unable to push him off her.

“Please end this torture,� he continued whispering, “and be my girlfriend.�

The sickening thing was Lily actually considered.

What’s he ever done to me? she thought dreamily.

Suddenly, all the things he had done came rushing back to her. Embarrassing her in fifth year. Causing Willard ultimate unhappiness (even though Lily absolutely hated that slimy git). Breaking up her friend and her friend’s boyfriend, even though they were happy together.

So Lily backed away from him, her eyes narrowing. She spoke slowly. “I’m sorry, Potter, if I caused you any pain. I believe it was...well...unintentional. I do appreciate that you actually went through pain for me, though.�

James’ brow furrowed, and his eyebrows came together, as if they were trying to figure out if Lily was being sincere or mocking him. He paused before talking again.

“So...that’s your reply.� His voice was flat.

“Yes.�

“Are you mocking me?� He seemed cautious with his questions; he obviously was afraid Lily would slap him if he uttered the wrong words.

Lily pretended to consider, putting a devious smile on her face to add effect. “Maybe.�

“Are you rejecting me?� Now he really seemed angry.

“I believe, sometimes, your romantic feelings aren’t always returned by your current flavor of the week.� Was there something bitter in her tone, or was she imagining it?

“Can I ask why this feeling isn’t returned?� He was turning back into the normal James Potter, which kind of made Lily relieved. It was easier to be mean to him when he didn’t act so...nice.

“And can I ask why you say you like me against your ‘better judgment’?� Lily asked furiously, not thinking about why, exactly, the words came out of her mouth.

This comment made James was confused. After all, why did she care if he said that if she had just said that she didn’t care what he felt about her?

“Who cares if I said that if you clearly don’t like me?� he replied.

“You know I have other reasons for not liking you, Mr. Potter,� Lily answered, seething.

“What reasons?� James asked, his tone getting louder and more frustrated.

“Do you honestly believe I would want to be the girlfriend of someone who ruined the happiness of my best friend for possibly forever?!�

There was silence.

“Do you deny it?� Lily questioned quietly; for some weird reason, she was actually giving him a chance to defend himself in the middle of her rant.

James didn’t take the chance. “No,� he said, just as quietly, sticking his hands in the pockets of his wet pants.

“Then how could you do it?!� Lily thundered, shocked. Somewhere deep down, she wanted to believe he hadn’t caused her friend pain, but the truth had just slapped her in the face. Again.

“She obviously had no true romantic feelings for him,� James replied, his words clipped and cool. “Sirius was looking for love this year, and he found it in her. But she obviously did not feel the same way.�

“SamLin’s shy!� Lily yelled in defense of her friend.

“I needed to put Sirius out of his misery, since he didn’t believe she loved him like –�

“Because you were the one whispering these lies in his ear!�

“I still did it for his own good!� James shouted back. Clearly, he was not longer going to let her stomp over him in this fight.

“SamLin hardly ever tells any of us anything; that’s why we’re so concerned for her!� Lily shrieked.

Silence.

“Well,� Lily said snidely, breaking the silence that hung in between them, “I suppose that you thought she was like the other tramps that are constantly after –�

“No way! But we all thought –�

“WHAT?!� Lily bellowed.

James stopped his mouth as it opened, as he seemed to try to carefully select his words. “Sometimes, we Marauders thought that you guys were pressuring her to be in the relationship more than she wanted –�

“That’s rub–!� Lily said.

“It wasn’t just that!� James roared, making Lily shrink. He was clearly more than frustrated now. “It was the way your friend behaved sometimes that we didn’t always find suitable!� Thunder also roared in the distance, making Lily think James wasn’t the only one mad.

Lily stared at him in disbelief. He judged SamLin just by the people she hung out with? And he was willing to insult her best friends even if she was his ‘love’?

She found the best answer to that wouldn’t be cruel words, but a silence that made the atmosphere and even the weather colder, if that was possible.

He now seemed to regret his words.

“Sorry,� he mumbled, looking at the ground and not meeting her eyes. “It’s not you or SamLin.�

Lily was so mad that she wanted to walk away without saying anything, but she felt another issue should be addressed. “What about Willard?�

“Willard?� Lily could tell from one glance that she shouldn’t have brought it up, but she continued talking.

Once again, James starting closing in the gap between them. Lily just looked up at him, straight in the eye, trying to not think about how handsome he looked when his hair was slick and wet from the rain. “What do have to say about your attitude towards him?�

James’ eyes narrowed. “You actually care about my stupid cousin.�

Lily ignored James’ comment. “He told me about what you did to him.�

His tone became even more snide and sarcastic. “Yeah, his misfortunes.�

“You ruined his reputation and turned him into some evil person, but I guess the information just hasn’t passed through your big head.�

Now James looked as if he’d been slapped with words. He took one look at her, squinting through his glasses, which started getting watery. “That’s what you think,� he said flatly.

“You know what?� he said, his voice getting louder. “I think you’re just trying to pin the blame on me because your pride –�

“My pride?!� Lily practically screeched.

“– has been bruised,� James concluded, ignoring her.

“So those are the words of a conceited, popular Pureblood boy. Ever since I first learned all these interesting things about you, I realized you had no compassion for others, and you are completely incapable of true human feelings. This makes you the last person on earth – even after my dreadful cousin – that I would want to ever go out with, let alone love.�

More silence. In fact, it was enough silence that made Lily rethink her words, regretting them instantly.

James cleared his throat. He leaned in close enough so that his mouth was nearly against hers, and Lily just stood there.

“I’m sorry, Miss Evans, if I wasted your time,� he said coolly, with just a touch of hurt in his voice. Lily looked up, and she could see those dreamy hazel eyes. Then he walked away.

More than ever, Lily wanted to shout, “Don’t!� But what good would come from that? Instead, she watched him walk away, feeling terrible and miserable. Now she sank to the mud-covered ground, feeling the rain pound against her back and head, and wished more than ever she had never said that.

She was so in denial.

Lily had been in the Great Hall. She was laughing and eating with her friends, discussing neutral topics. The first day back wasn’t that exciting...really.

Not that she had to show anyone.

As she had casually sipped her pumpkin juice, Lily had sees out of the corner of her eye a miserable-looking James Potter. He was picking at his food. Lily forced herself to look down at her plate.

Who was she kidding? So much had happened.

After her little...um...incident with Potter, Lily didn’t feel like she could face him. She did stay with the Potters for the rest of the break, but she avoided any confrontations with James Potter unless they were absolutely necessary (dinner, drive to the train, etc.).

Not that she had needed to; James had taken care of avoiding her the entire week. It made Lily feel even more wretched inside.

She had explained them this all to SamLin, Katie, and Alice. Thank Merlin she still had people out there who where holding out hope for her, otherwise she might as well stay in bed forever. They had stood by Lily as she cried herself to sleep and comforted her with handkerchiefs and hope. But they thought she was okay now.

Really, she was okay.

Okay, maybe not. But Lily didn’t want her friends worrying about her. The real case was SamLin, who looked like she wasn’t about to get over her breakup with Sirius. Since she didn’t want to get Katie or Alice any madder (at anything), Lily had kept quiet about why the breakup had happened. Alice and Katie had assumed he had done it since he was bored, but, for SamLin’s sake, they refrained from slapping him in the corridors. Instead, they kept their feelings of expression towards him to narrowed eyes and hands gripping their wands.

Lily sighed. She knew how SamLin felt about all of this, and felt as if they should have a little talk.

“Tell me again why you dragged me into the girls’ bathroom?� SamLin asked slowly, leaning up against the sinks. That was another thing: words never tumbled out of SamLin’s mouth anymore. She always seemed to think before she said something.

Lily met SamLin’s eyes, wondering the last time they ever sparkled. “I want to know how you’re doing.�

“It’s okay, I guess,� SamLin said, glancing around the bathroom. “Isn’t Moaning Myrtle around hear somewhere? Anyway, I may have an almost Poor in Transfiguration, but I’m doing okay in Divination and Charms.�

Lily shook her head. “No. Not school. SamLin, you haven’t said a word since, well...the letter.� Lily shifted uncomfortably. “How’re you feeling about Sirius?�

A look of hurt crossed SamLin’s face, but only for a second. Her friend put on a small smile, but her blue eyes were darting all over the place, as if looking for a window to climb out of. Lily could tell she didn’t want to have this conversation.

“I’m fine,� SamLin said levelly. “If he passed me in the corridors, I’d barely notice him. I’ve been so busy with my family, and that’s preoccupied me. I haven’t had a chance to think about Si...him.�

“SamLin...�

“It’s true,� SamLin almost yelled, making Lily look down. SamLin looked away from her.

“So...what else happened to you in Derbyshire?�

*

Dear Lily,

I just wanted to say that I’m truly sorry, but do you have to go and screech at me like that when

*

Lily,

I don’t understand why I did those “terrible� things (actually, they weren’t so terrible; it was just your false claims

*

Dear Evans,

What did I do to deserve this? All I did was try to protect my best friend, and you just said


“Why is this so hard?� James asked under his breath, crumpling up the eleventh piece of parchment he had tried to compose a letter on.

*

“You know, where’s Emily been?� Katie asked, scribbling out another answer in her homework. “It’s the third day back and it’s like she’s disappeared underneath an Invisibility Cloak.�

Lily shook her head. “Dunno. I didn’t see her at all during class.�

“Good riddance,� Alice mumbled, staring out the window.

SamLin sighed, picking at her bed quilt and staring at Emily’s empty bed.

*

It was a week later.

Time had seemed to move in short bursts for Lily. Her head ached all the time. So many problems had been occurring all that week. Not that they were big problems, but they just appeared, one after another. It was the last thing Lily needed.

And now, she was about to face another one.

“What’s this?� Katie asked, picking up two envelopes that had dropped to the ground.

Lily’s eyes narrowed. “Are those even for us?�

Katie and Lily were in the Owlery, since Katie was expecting some letter from home. Alice and SamLin were playing Exploding Snap in the Common Room, and Lily had chosen to pass, going with Katie. She really stank at Exploding Snap.

Katie’s eyes glanced upwards, and she saw her Snowy owl, Oliver, circling above her. She flipped the envelopes over.

“Huh,� she said, inspecting them. “This is odd.�

“What is?� Lily asked, looking over Katie’s shoulder.

“One is addressed to me and is from my parents,� Katie explained, handing her letter to Lily. Lily looked at the return address. Sure enough, it was from the Carrolls in Wandsworth.

“And the other one...?� Lily hated suspense.

Katie turned it over. “It’s...addressed to you.� She handed the other envelopes to Lily, and Lily grabbed them. Turning them over, she realized that in fact, it was addressed to a Lily Evans.

Lily stared at them. “Why would I get mail?� she wondered aloud.

“Why don’t you open it?� Lily could tell Katie was dying to tell what was in there.

Just to torture her, she tucked the letter into her pocket. “Not now, Katie. You can go back to SamLin and Alice. I’ll catch up later.�

Katie looked unsure, but she relented. “Okay. Bye, Lil.� And with that, she rushed down the stairs.

Lily waited about ten seconds, and then she walked slowly down the icy steps. When she was about halfway down, she looked around her and then checked her watch. Almost ten o’clock. Almost curfew. Lily sat down on the step she was standing on and opened the letter.

Lily Evans,

I don’t want to talk to you for a while. I need to get my head sorted out. But, if I may, I will try to recount my version of those offenses you have laid against me.

We were a very large family: me, Willard, my grandfather, my father, and my mum. We had taken in my cousin when his one of his father joined the ranks of the Death Eaters and was murdered by his mother. Willard and I were the best of friends. We were often getting into trouble, but the harmless kind. My parents were always kind but scolding. But my grandfather loved us, no matter what. When he was sick, just before Willard and I were to go to Hogwarts, he declared that he and I were to inherit a good sum of money when we were of age.

I was very sad when he died. Willard was also sad for a while, too. Yet pretty soon, he was demanding for his money, saying that he was responsible enough to handle it. My parents refused at first, and he spent the first months at Hogwarts throwing temper tantrums and taunting teachers. Soon, my father thought the only way to stop him was to give him half of the money, which they did. Within weeks, he spent it all on useless bets and expensive items he thought he could buy.

I was so mad at him. I couldn’t believe he would do such things. I refused to speak to him, and we Marauders once cornered him in the hallway, demanding to know what had happened. He sneered at us, and said he didn’t want to be prosecuted. Next summer, he announced he was leaving.

Now, on the other matter, about your friend SamLin and Sirius. I understand you thought what I did was stupid and heartless, but at the time, it was in service of a friend.

Sincerely,

James

Why Everyone Hates Me
by Lily Evans


1.It’s true.
2.It’s topical.
3.I’m stupid.
4.I’m ugly.
5.I’m the worst friend in the entire world.
6.I have developed more enemies over the past year.
7.Because James Potter does.

*

“Merlin, Lily,� Katie said. She walked into the dorm, picking up the crumpled piece of parchment lying innocently on the floor. “You’re almost becoming as cynical as I am sometimes.�

“Thanks,� Lily replied sourly, throwing a pillow at Katie.

“Come on, Lily,� Katie said in a slightly cheerful voice. She threw the pillow to the ground. “You know what I mean.�

“No.� She brought her legs against her chest, folding her arms around them. “No, I actually don’t.�

Katie sighed.

“Lily�–Here Katie stuck her hips out, placing her hands on them; she always seemed to think this pose made her look more intimidating–“I am not going to argue with you. I am not putting up with any more of this crap.�

Lily just rolled her eyes and made a Pfuit noise. But that wasn’t stopping Katie.

“All SamLin and Alice and I have done is try to make you feel better,� she continued, “but all you do is blow us off. Lily, we’re your friends. We know when something’s up. We’re not as stupid as you think we are.�

Silence.

“Okay,� she said, backtracking a little, “maybe I am, but the point is that we want to help you. I know you’re upset about Emily. I am, too. But that doesn’t mean we become lazy bums who sleep at all hours in the dormitory, making it a complete pigsty.�

Lily blinked. She could almost feel the tears coming...

Now Katie was next to her on the bed, with an arm on her left shoulder. Lily kept staring at it as Katie said, “You need to move on, Lily.�

Lily looked up, feeling all those feelings from two weeks ago spewing inside her. Katie wouldn’t know. No wonder Emily hated Katie. Katie was a stupid know-it-all.

“You wouldn’t know anything, Katie,� Lily said coolly. She preferred not to ask questions, because that left room for her friend to contradict herself. “You really wouldn’t. I bet you’re just upset since this is one problem that you’d never be able to figure out.�

Katie appeared unfazed, but Lily knew better. She saw the look of a cross of hatred and hurt on Katie’s face for a nanosecond, which was as long Katie would let anyone see her pain.

As if in slow motion, Katie stood up. “You just don’t want anybody understanding,� she said coolly right back at Lily.

Lily could hear her words. Why did she do these things? First a fight with Emily, James Potter, and now Katie. It all led up to this. Just when she needed all her connections most she fought with them. And the sickening thing was that it was all her fault.

Katie was at the doorway when she stopped. She wasn’t looking at Lily, but she could picture Katie closing her eyes and breathing in. Then Katie said in a very small voice, “I wonder if this has anything to do with that conceited James Potter.�

Katie obviously knew where her friend was hurting the most.

As Katie closed the door, Lily said very quietly, “You really don’t know what he’s like, do you?�

Really.

She was defending the enemy.

*

Emily had run away. James had apologized, something Lily thought his male ego couldn’t handle.

Well, it was too much for her to handle.

Lily walked over to the window near the floor, getting down and curling herself into the small alcove. Through the frosted window, Lily looked down at the Hogwarts grounds. She could see several animals wandering the planes, probably even frolicking together.

Oh, if only that could happen now. If only she and all her friends could find some way to be happy again and listen to each other’s silence and laugh at each others’ problems.

It had really been Lily’s fault. Or she had taken the blame that no one deserved. Either way, it made a complete failure as a friend. She still should have known. She should’ve known when Emily pronounced him cute. She should’ve known when she didn’t show that much support in hating him. In the end, though, it led back to her. Always.

Even if Lily and her friends had been really mad at Emily, though, the hole she left made everyone feel empty. Emily could ask any boy out. Emily could stand up to any bullies. Emily could always act giddy when the situation called for it. (Although, come to think of it, Lily and her friends had gone through Emily’s trunk when they received the letter and found some fire whiskey and some golden Felix Felicis potion. No wonder she was driving everyone crazy with her cheerfulness and luck.)

And now she had run off to be with a boy. And not just any boy. It was him. Willard.

She and her friends knew that Emily was gone, but they couldn’t figure out why until one evening when–during the middle of Exploding Snap – a letter arrived.

Emily’s owl had dropped off the letter and then flew away before the four realized that’s why the card tower was knocked over.

Inside, the letter read:

Dear SamLin and Lily,

I am not addressing this to Katie and Alice, because I am still mad at you two.

Obviously, by now you must know that I’m gone (unless you’re mentally challenged). Why? you may ask.

Willard.

I realized that he is my reason for living, and not you nitwits or that prick named Diggory. You abandoned me, and I know Willard will never ever abandon me.

I am not coming back. Ever.

Adieu,

Emily Bennett

Emily was not one to not waste words. Usually, her letters filled the entire space, cramming extra opinions in the margins. But this letter was empty.

And it left her friends empty, too.

Then there was that matter with James, and her friends didn’t even know about that one. Instead, it was Lily battling with her conscience daily.

The apology had been genuine; she could imagine doing the same thing her friends. But the thought of having even some sort of similarity or connection to James made her frightened. Because if she thought he was conceited and proud, and then she had to be too. And that didn’t even make any sense!

*

The wind was blowing, big gusts of wind that make your heart pound. The water below was glistening, white from sea foam but also blue and clear. Above, the clouds were a painter’s fantasy, big and puff, the right kind of white. The sun was shining brightly, but not too much. The grass she was standing on was a deep green, like after rain had fallen and with rocks impeded in the soil.

She was standing on a majestic cliff. She was wearing that dress she wore at the Netherfield Ball. Her hair was up, two strands hanging by her face that blew in the direction of the wind.

She just stood there, watching the view beneath her, taking it in. The world felt so calm, and it felt as if she were the only human left. She thought it was the eerie feeling inside her, but it could’ve also been standing on a cliff so high. Yet she didn’t feel afraid.

Everything was just perfect.

*

Lily awoke, the sweat clinging to her skin and clothes. She rolled over on her side, staring at the other beds across the room.

She kept having that dream, on the cliff. Lily didn’t know why. It just always came to her. It started when she had fallen asleep near the window. Then, it came back to her. And the dream was always the same: perfect.

It was now June, a year since everything had started. What seemed so long ago.

But, of course, everything had changed. Again, nevertheless.

First, they were finally recovering over Emily’s disappearance. Lily had apologized to everyone for her crabby (or ‘crappy’, as Alice would say) behavior. Everything was almost right. Almost.

The fact that she hadn’t spoken, or written, back to James Potter attacked her guilty conscience. But whenever she started to – walking towards him when he was alone in the hallway, or pulling out her favorite quill and writing James – something always stopped her. But Lily didn’t know what.

In fact, it should’ve been the least of her worries. James was ignoring her anyway. SamLin had invited her to stay for the summer, since she had nowhere else to go. There was no way she could run into James Potter.

It was just impossible.

“Now where exactly are we going?� Lily asked SamLin, sitting on the spare bed and twirling her hair.

SamLin zipped her suitcase, sticking her wand in her back pocket. “It’ll just be a little vacation through England. Maybe even stop in Scotland. Who knows?� SamLin slipped a book, Sense and Sensibility (recommended as per Katie, of course), into her suitcase’s front pouch.

Lily sat in silence, contemplating this.

“We’ll be back in time for Diagon Alley shopping, of course,� SamLin assured her. “I just wanted a friend to come along and keep me sane.�

Lily reached over and put her hand on SamLin’s shoulder, smiling. “Don’t worry. I will.�

*

The trip was actually turning out to be quite the experience. Apart from the minor disaster when they all Apparated to Brighton and got completely lost, they had smoothly gone from London and were on the way to Nottinghamshire. The Andersons apparently had an old friend somewhere there, so they were taking the Floo connection.

“Remember,� Mrs. Anderson said, handing Lily the pot as she stood in the fireplace, “to say the name clearly. We’ll arrive at the tavern, and my friend will meet us there. Then we’ll go.�

“Mmhm...� Lily hummed, picking at the unraveling end of her skirt.

“We know, mum,� SamLin said, biting her pinky nail. “Just go.�

Mrs. Anderson sighed. “Fine.� She stepped into the fireplace, grasping her powder.

“See you,� she said, waving her hand slightly.

“We will,� SamLin replied.

“The Rose and Crown!� she yelled, letting go of the Floo and disappearing in a puff of green smoke.

Lily rubbed her eyes; she was quite tired. She took a little bit of Floo powder and stepped into the fireplace, feeling silly. It was just something she could never get used to.

“Well.� Lily looked at her hands. “See you, too, SamLin.�

SamLin nodded, but suddenly she looked up. She had the look as if she just remembered something. “Oh! Wait, Lily!�

“I haven’t gone anywhere, Sammie.� Lily crossed her arms.

“Oh. Okay.� SamLin sighed. “Anyway, did you hear about James Potter?�

“James Potter?!� Lily was shocked that SamLin dared to bring up that...subject in front of her. Her friend knew she’d been a basket case ever since the arrival of the letter.

Angrily, Lily quickly let go of her Floo powder, not realizing it. “James Potter?!� she sputtered.

SamLin gasped, understanding what was wrong. “Lily! LILY!�

Yet Lily was gone, already engulfed by green flames.

*

Coughing, Lily dared to open her eyes. There had been a sudden swirling of ashes that covered her mouth and burned her eyes. She couldn’t breathe out of her nose. And even worse, she had no earthly idea where she was.

Lily refused to stand up. She let her legs lay there, uselessly, and wiped her face. Taking a huge breath, she examined her surroundings a little more closely.

It looked as if she was in a room. It definitely wasn’t a tavern, though. There was a bed, sure, and windows, a desk, and – of course – a fireplace, but it wasn’t right. The floor was covered with stuff. There was no other word for it. Clothes, magazines, newspapers, crumpled parchment, books, socks, and jars of food surrounded her. The room also had the feeling of being lived in, like permanently.

She yawned, feeling her throat stretch and the wide-awake sensation coming onto her. What was she supposed to do now? She didn’t exactly mind just sitting here and not being on the road for once, but what about the Andersons?

“Bloody hell. I’ve got to clean this room.�

Footsteps. Lily’s breathing abruptly stopped.

They were getting closer.

Oh. Damn.

It was him.

Quietly and quickly, she tried to fold her legs into the fireplace, praying that the nitwit wouldn’t notice them. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to give it some life. Lily even wiped off her face more.

“God. Merlin. What the heck am I doing?� she whispered frantically.

“Evans?�

Lily’s hands dropped off her face, but she wished that they were back on. Anything to hide the deep shame coming onto her face in the form of a deep blush.

“Oh, Merlin. Evans? Evans, what in Merlin’s name are you doing here? In my room?� he asked her, incredulous.

Him. James Potter. Oh, no.

This was perfect. Absolutely freaking perfect.

It occurred to Lily that she seemed like a stalker.

“It’s – it’s not, no...� She let her sentence trail off; it was better than finishing and sounding like a blundering idiot.

Instead, she started crying. She let out big heavy sobs, wondering why she got herself into these situations. Lily Evans, the stalker and illiterate witch.

“Merlin... Don’t cry, Evans!� James Potter looked worried. He crouched down and put a hand to her sooty face. As she stared into his eyes behind his glasses, Lily couldn’t help but feel that everything about that singular moment was so intimate and touching.

“Why are you here?� he asked so tenderly, it was kind of hard to believe he was that person. That person who completely messed up her life.

She gasped, trying to work out an answer. She gulped and squeezed her eyes shut.

“I have to find the Andersons.�

*

It had taken a long bubble bath, two cups of tea with sugar and honey, a short nap, and a lot of soothing from Mrs. Potter to get Lily to look and feel normal again.

She had told her story, and Mr. Potter had immediately headed out the door. Lily had been quite surprised that Mr. Potter hadn’t raised another commotion at her being here, but she figured they thought it was unavoidable. Lily Evans always ended up in Derbyshire and at the Potter’s Mansion.

So she was informed that SamLin and the rest of the Andersons were actually heading over here right now, in Mr. Potter’s car. Actually, they would be here in ten minutes.

That meant Lily had ten minutes to kill. So she went exploring.

James Potter had seemed to disappear, which meant Lily didn’t really have to worry about him cornering her. She didn’t want to face him until she knew what to say.

Down two halls, into a room that led to another, and finally Lily found herself in yet another parlor. Sunlight was pouring through the windows. Lily brushed aside the curtains, and looked outside. It was such a clear day and out there a gigantic fountain spewing water. Lily wanted to go outside so badly, but she didn’t want to worry Mrs. Potter.

Suddenly, she heard a sound. It was quiet, but very distinct. Lily’s ears perked up, listening to the sound. It sounded like a piano. It was a piano, actually.

Lily followed her instincts and the source of the beautiful sound. She opened yet another door, and heard the music coming from an ajar door across the room. She walked toward the door and peered through it. Did House Elves play piano?

All Lily could see was the back of a girl with pale blonde hair that was perfectly straight and shiny. She was playing something very complicated, and Lily strained to listen, since the sound was so delicate and soft.

Then she realized it. It was the own tune that seemed to play over and over in her head. How creepy was that? It was “Where Is Love� from the play Oliver! that Lily loved. She remembered when her father used to hum it, and he promised he would take her to a Muggle theater to see the musical. She could feel big, fat tears rolling down from her eyes. She thought the words silently in her head.

Where is love?
Does it fall from skies above?
Is it underneath the willow tree
That I've been dreaming of?
Where is she?
Who I close my eyes to see?
Will I ever know the sweet "hello"
That's only meant for me?
Who can say where she may hide?
Must I travel far and wide?
'Til I am beside the someone who
I can mean something to...
Where...?
Where is love?

Every night I kneel and pray
Let tomorrow be the day
'Til I am beside...the someone who
I can mean...something to...
Where?
Where is love?

Lily stifled a sob. Where was her love? She could remember vaguely how at the beginning of fifth year she felt so secure and so, so sure of everything. Now everything was gone.

The blonde girl continued playing, obviously immersed in her music. Lily continued watching in awe until someone else appeared in the room. His back was to her, but Lily instantly knew it was James Potter. She swallowed her gasp of shock.

Then, the girl immediately stopped playing. She made a sound of exclamation, and then hugged James Potter. Was she out of her mind? James hugged her back, and twirled her around the room.

Lily stood up and peered in more closely. Then she stopped. Both James and the girl were looking at her. They had seen her. Lily wanted to die in shame.

So she ran.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she ran faster, as her shoes flopped and smacked against the hardwood floor. As she ran out the door into the green, green grass and past the gigantic fountain. As she ran with all her might along the gravel path and towards the willow trees. As she ran until the stone stairs, stopping abruptly as James Potter yelled “Lily!� and grabbed her shoulders.

So she had stopped, staring at James’ face and him staring back at her.

“I –� Lily started, but stopped.

“I didn’t know the house was open, and –�

“It’s okay Lily, you don’t have to worry about being –�

They both stopped, realizing they had been talking over one another. There was a brief awkward silence.

“I’m with SamLin’s parents on vacation,� Lily supplied lamely. James nodded.

“Are you having a nice trip?�

“Very nice,� Lily said distantly. Their whole conversation seemed staged, every line thought out before said. There was also a suppressed feeling in the air that both of them seemed to want to let go.

Hastily, she added, “Tomorrow we’re going to Warwickshire. And then to Kent.�

“Tomorrow?� James asked too quickly. He shifted, realizing his mistake.

Lily nodded.

“So you’re staying here in Derbyshire?�

“Yeah.� Lily wrung her hands. “At the Rose and Crown.�

“Lily!� Both James and Lily whirled around. “The Andersons are here to bring you back!�

“Thank you!� Lily called to Mrs. Potter.

“Do you want me to walk you to the front?� James asked curiously.

“No,� Lily replied, then instantly regretting it. “Actually,� she said slowly, “I could use the company.�

James smiled.

*

Lily was just on her way to meet the Andersons at their table, but something made her stop. It was the backs of James Potter, Mrs. Potter, and Mr. Potter. Not wanting to approach them, Lily found an alcove with a tapestry in front of it and hid behind it.

She peeked from behind it occasionally, checking whether they were gone yet. Nope. She shifted uncomfortably, trying to count down the seconds.

Wait...were they sitting down? Yes, they were sitting down. Oh, Merlin. She’d have to wait behind here forever. But that food looked so good to her, and she was starving. Lily sighed, slowly pushing aside the tapestry and walking out. She brushed off the dust on her shirt, and headed towards the table.

“So, would you like coming over tomorrow?� Mrs. Potter was asking Mrs. Anderson.

Lily froze.

“It would be lovely. Would we be intruding?�

“No, not at all,� Mr. Potter chimed in.

Mrs. Anderson and Mr. Anderson turned towards SamLin. “You wouldn’t mind delaying our journey, would you?�

SamLin shook her head. No, SamLin! “I don’t think Lily would mind either.� Me? Mind? Oh, I’m going to wring your little neck, S –

Lily ran off back to the security of the alcove and the tapestry she could hide behind.

Lily smoothed out the wrinkles on the front of her summer dress, which was dark blue and backless. SamLin was dressed similarly, except her dress was pink and had a cardigan over it. The two adult Andersons were standing by both of them as a House Elf led them into the front room. They were standing there, smiling uncomfortably at one another, when all the Potters entered the room.

Yes, all of them.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter were there, of course, but for once, Trinity Potter was standing next to her brother too. She was the mysterious piano-playing girl, Lily realized, once she put two and two together last night. James was standing next to her, and he looked down, his eyebrows raised.

She nodded, and mouthed something. Lily nudged SamLin, but SamLin shook her head, since the parents had just started making conversation. Lily had a feeling the conversation was going to last a while before the parents realized the children were indeed still in the room. But now she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Lily looked up. Trinity Potter was standing right before her, smiling.

“Want to go into the backyard?� she asked, tucking a hair behind her ear. “It’ll be better than hanging around here.� She gestured towards the sets of parents, who seemed really into their conversation at this point.

SamLin answered for her. “Love to, thanks.�

Lily nodded along, and Trinity giggled. James was smiling.

*

“Was that really so bad, Lily?� SamLin asked, loosening her elastic so all her hair came tumbling out.

Lily shrugged. “I suppose not. But you did most of the talking, SamLin.�

SamLin collapsed onto the bed. “It comes very naturally to me.� She laughed. Lily smiled; it was good to have her old friend back. “But was it just me, or did James seem less like a prat with his sister around? You know, he’s just so mean at school, but this afternoon he was really funny.�

“He’s not that mean,� Lily said, without realizing it. SamLin’s eyebrows practically came off her forehead.

“Oh, really?� She nudged Lily with her elbow, smiling mischievously. “Lily,� she said, her voice suddenly serious, “do you really like him?�

Lily looked at her best friend, at her blue eyes and blonde hair. How could she admit she liked the best friend of the boy who broke her heart?

So she countered with her own question. “Do you think it is right to?� SamLin blinked, obviously confused. Lily sighed and elaborated.

“What I mean is that liking someone is a whole lot of trouble.� She shifted and scratched her elbow. “Emily gave up everything, even us, to be with that Willard. You had your own heart broken--or stamped on, more like--all because of misinterpreted signs. Is it worth it?�

SamLin took Lily’s shoulders into her hands. “I thought it was worth it. And it was. I don’t regret it, Lily. Maybe you and James have to stop played this game of never admitting and always regretting. You both don’t know what could happen if you did.� Lily opened her mouth, but SamLin just spoke over her. “Of course you fear it, Lily. But you don’t know if what happened to Emily and I could necessarily happen to you.� She let her arms drop and Lily felt numb. “I’m going to have a little nightcap. You should go to sleep; this is not the night for staying up until three o’clock just thinking.� She walked out of the room, closing the door.

Lily listened to the quiet sound of SamLin’s feet against the wooden floor. She stifled a sigh and pulled back the covers. Maybe SamLin was right. About the sleep, that is.

*

Trinity folded her arms and blew some hair out of her eyes. “James. Stop pacing.�

James stopped, but then he collapsed on the carpeted floor. Trinity sat down beside him.

“She can’t like me,� he muttered. “Not after what I did.�

Trinity rolled her eyes. “Are you actually trying to convince yourself she isn’t justified to like you? There’s a lot to like about you, James. You just don’t see it.�

James looked over at his nightstand, where his glasses were, and Trinity shoved him. Nicely.

“Not your glasses, you prat.�

James’ sat back up, scowling and rubbing his head. “Well, she hasn’t apologized for yelling her bloody head off at me. What do you have to say about that, Trin?�

Trinity pursed her lips. “Merlin, isn’t it obvious? She’s proud like you; she’s not going to just come up and kiss you and say, ‘I go out with you forever, James Potter! I’ll never leave you!’� Trinity clasped her hands over her heart and made a sickeningly sweet face. Now James rolled his eyes.

“You’re worse than Sirius,� he said.

Trinity dropped the face. “My point is, she wants you to redeem yourself. She doesn’t have anything to redeem; every girl has the right to yell at a boy when they’re confused about something.�

“And I don’t?� James asked bitterly.

“You’re not going to get around that, James. That leaves you with only one option.�

“Oh, great.�

“You must solve all the problems you’ve created.�

“What?�

“And even the ones you didn’t create.�

“What?!�

Trinity shrugged. “Let’s think what you could do...�

“I’m not doing anything!� James--on the verge of yelling--said angrily. “I haven’t done anything! I apologized!�

“You didn’t even do it face to face,� Trinity said matter-of-factly. “And let’s face it: this option is the only way you can prove to Lily you aren’t what she hopes you’re not.�

“Must I?�

Trinity stood up. “Do you like her?�

“Yes.� James stood up too. “Of course I do.�

“Do you love her?�

Silence.

“Well, that’s definitely a ‘yes.’�

“Wait, I didn’t say anyth--�

“Good. Now you’d better start thinking.� Trinity smiled and was out the door as James blinked.

*

Katie rolled over on the couch. She dropped her book, Emma, on the ground, and groaned. Her head was pounding from all the reading. The doorbell ringing wasn’t exactly helping either.

She trudged over to the front door, cursing under her breath. She felt groggy and disoriented, and really wished Lily or SamLin or even Alice was here with her. Instead, she got stuck answering the door, and she knew it was probably her little brother’s stalker on the other side.

Oh, was she in for the shock of her life.

When Katie flung open the door, there was Emily Bennett, sopping wet, red-eyed, and in James Potter’s arms. Katie’s jaw slackened.

“J-James?� she sputtered. “Emily?�

“Katie.� James nodded. “Emily needs your help.�

“My help?� Katie repeated.

“Yeah. Do you have towels? She’s soaked through.� James stepped into the foyer, but Katie managed to clear her head and hold her hand up. Confused, he stopped.

“Aren’t you going to explain anything?� she demanded, feeling hot and dizzy. The sight of Emily was almost like an illusion to her.

“Katie, I can’t,� James said. “Just get a towel.�

Katie let out a frustrated noise. “I want to help Emily. I really do. But I just can’t figure out why someone who hates me so much really wants my help.�

James looked pained. “Do you have any way to reach your friends?�

She nodded. “Let me get the towel first, though.�

*

“Lily!� SamLin looked pale and out of breath. “There you are!�

“Yeah?� Lily looked back down and turned a page in her book.

“Alice is over Katie’s!�

“That’s good. She was pretty lonely this summer.� Lily looked up again.

“We have to go over, too!�

“Wait--what?�

SamLin looked impatient. “We have to go to Katharine Carroll’s house!�

“I know, I know! But what about your parents? What about the trip?�

“Forget that! Mr. and Mrs. Carroll have set up a Floo connection, and we have to go now!� She reached over and grabbed Lily’s arm.

“Why?�

“Emily’s there!�

She was shaking so hard. Her hair was longer and duller. Beads of water dropped from everywhere on her body even though it was a warm and lovely day. But the worst part was her eyes--bloodshot behind the jade-green--because Lily last remembered them as laughing.

“Merlin,� Alice breathed, as all four watched Emily twist and turn on Katie’s couch. “What happened to her?�

Katie pushed away her bangs and looked down worriedly. “I’m not exactly sure,� she said, wringing her hands.

But she was.

*

James placed Emily on top of the towel Katie placed on her couch. She was shivering. Katie threw the blanket on the sofa on top of Emily.

“James,� Katie whispered, as Emily closed her eyes, “where did you find her? What happened?�

He looked around, even though they both knew perfectly well that they were the only ones in the household. “Can you keep a secret?�

The look Katie gave him was enough to suffice as an answer.

“Okay, okay.� James took a deep breath. “Well, it was an accident, really. I was trying to Apparate--anywhere--and I found myself in Knockturn Alley.� Katie nodded. “I realized where I was and I tried to leave when I saw them.�

“Willard and Emily?� Katie whispered, looking over at Emily, whose eyelids were fluttering.

“Precisely. He was...� James swallowed.

“Tell me.�

“Well, they were fighting. It was pretty intense, and at first I wasn’t even sure it was them, until she shook her head and I saw her eyes.� Katie rubbed her wrist, looking intently at James. “I knew it was her then. But before I could tell her I was there, Willard had his wand out, pointing at her throat. He cast Silencio and started screaming at her.� James was shaking his head. “There were people walking by, and they didn’t even look at them twice.�

Katie felt her eyes get all blurry and watery. “No.�

“Then he tried to put the Imperius curse on her. She kept resisting. Finally, he got so frustrated he cast the Cruciatus curse. Merlin, she looked like if the Silencing spell was taken off of her, she could’ve let out a scream that would kill thousands of people.� Katie gasped and put her hand over her lips. “But she was still strong. It went on for hours. The reason she’s wet is because she’s covered in sweat. Yet I couldn’t intervene because it might’ve made him even angrier and do something even worse. But then Willard knew he was such a wimp that he’d never be able to even attempt the Killing Curse, so he just reached across and started strangling her.�

Katie’s knees gave away. “Merlin. I always knew he was bad, but--�

“Exactly.� James sat cross-legged on the floor opposite her.

“He is such scum.� Katie wiped at her eyes. “What did you do?�

“I punched him.�

Despite her tears, Katie smiled. “Nice.�

“Then I carried her away. You were the closest, Carroll.�

“Thank you for bringing her here.� Katie threw her arms around James, and he let out a strangled cry. “Sorry,� she said sheepishly, pulling away.

“It’s okay. Just promise me one thing?�

“Of course.� Katie looked over at Emily, whose breathing was shallow but steady.

“Don’t tell your friends I brought her here. Especially Lily.�

“What?� Katie stood up, looking down at James. “Why?�

“I have my reasons.� James seemed bitter, but she didn’t question it.

“Then what do I say?� she asked.

“Tell them she stumbled here, and told you what had happened before passing out. I dunno.� James shrugged and stood up. “But whatever you do, leave me out of it, Carroll.�

Katie nodded dumbly. James nodded curtly and headed toward the door.

“Oh.� He turned around. “I know you and your friends were really mad at Emily for changing and turning dark and you blame yourselves. Don’t. Nothing was ever your fault. She’s been drinking Felix Felicis, and that’s the only reason why she took up with Willard.�

Katie shook her head. “It is our fault, James. We could’ve stopped it. We could’ve realized. And I think we’re the reason she started taking it in the first place.�

“Maybe. But Emily’s been--no offense--messed up for years, way beyond your help. The best you can even do now is just be her friend.� Then he headed out the door, into the sunset and leaving behind a very confused Katie with someone she thought hated her.

*

“I really don’t know,� Katie repeated, still wringing her hands. “Just a little.� She fed them the story that James had told her to say. “So I think the best we can do is just be her friend.�

Alice looked down at Emily. “Why?�

“Alice,� SamLin pleaded, “she’s obviously been messed up for years, just like Katie said. If she doesn’t want our help, that’s fine. But if she truly needs it, I’ll be damned if any of you walk out on this friendship.� She then looked at Emily, who was whimpering in her sleep.

Lily looked over at Katie, who was biting her nails. There was something that needed to be explained, and Lily knew it.

“Er...Katie?� she asked tentatively.

Katie dropped her hands from her mouth. “Yes?�

“Want to come show me where the Muggle medicine is?� she asked.

Katie looked confused. “Lily, you know my birthday’s in June, so I just turned seventeen and that means--�

The look Lily flashed Katie shut her up. She got up and followed her red-haired friend into the bathroom. Lily pointed her wand at the door and with a simple incantation, locked it.

“Okay, Katie,� Lily said. “Try to play along next time, okay?�

Katie nodded sheepishly. “What do you want?�

“There’s more to the story, isn’t there?� Katie looked at her sandals. “You know. What happened, Katie? Why can’t you tell SamLin or Alice?�

“I shouldn’t be telling you especially,� Katie muttered. “He warned me not to.�

Lily grabbed Katie’s arm. “Who warned you?�

Katie glanced at the door. She pulled out her wand and said, “Muffliato.�

Lily looked at her strangely. “What is that one?�

“I picked it up somewhere,� Katie whispered. “I dunno. This way Alice and Sammie won’t hear. I’m not supposed to tell any of you, but if I must, I’d better not let the others know.�

“Know what?� Lily was extremely impatient. “What, Kate?�

Katie looked so nervous she didn’t even snap at Lily for calling her “Kate�. “James. James Potter.�

Lily imagined herself paling, but then reminded herself she was already deathly pale because of her cursed red hair. “What?�

Katie leaned on the counter for support, and spilled everything to Lily. She gasped and whimpered at all the appropriate parts, and cried out when Katie told her Emily was strangled by Willard. But the part that got to Lily most of all was when James entered.

“He carried her all the way here?�

“I think he must’ve Apparated, but yeah, he did come here with her.�

“And why the hell wouldn’t he want us to know this?� Lily asked in shock.

Katie shrugged and sniffled. “He wouldn’t explain. I’m sorry, Lily.�

She reached over and hugged her friend. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, Katie. It’s fine. We’ll all be fine.�

Katie moaned, but hugged her friend back. “I know. I’m going back out there to help.� She withdrew from the hug. “Alohomora.� The door swung open. “Do you need a moment alone?� Her eyes searched Lily’s for an answer.

“That actually would be lovely.� Lily took a deep breath. “I’ll be out in a moment, okay?�

Katie nodded and closed the door behind her.

Lily slumped to the ground.

She was over the shock of what happened to Emily, but she still could not believe that James Potter helped. James Potter, arrogant git. James Potter, the person who ruined her friend’s life. James Potter, proud and cold. James Potter, someone she promised never to be infatuated with.

But why would he do that? Emily’s problem was not his; it was theirs. So why did he go and rescue her?

Did he do it for Lily?

She shook her head. It was impossible. Definitely impossible. The proof was in the letter that was buried within the depths of her trunk. If he couldn’t apologize in person, it obviously meant he hadn’t really forgiven her. Or maybe he had, but was too cowardly to tell it to her face.

It didn’t make any sense!

*

Emily appeared to be getting better to Lily, but none of them could be so sure. There were some days when she would sit up and smile at them, but then there were those where she would just lie almost lifeless on the couch, staring at the crack in the ceiling. But whatever she did, it always broke their hearts.

They were all being supportive of her in their own ways. SamLin was by far the best at it, hardly ever leaving her friend’s side. Katie would make comforting meals, like hot soup and casserole, and also would read aloud some parts of the book she was reading that day. Lily would give Emily her medicine, and was always prepared to go to St. Mungo’s if things got worse. It wasn’t very easy for Alice, since she held grudges the longest, but she would occasionally help Katie in the kitchen or do something for Emily in her own sort of way. But for all of them, it was still very, very hard.

The Carrolls didn’t mind the four extra additions to their household, and the Andersons and the Swiths didn’t seem to miss their daughters’ (or company’s) presence. And that was good for the five girls, because they needed this time for themselves, to catch up and forgive and move on.

But Lily couldn’t take it any longer.

Thoughts of James Potter plagued her every time she glanced over at her broken friend. His hazel eyes seemed imprinted on her mind. All she wanted to do was to see him and apologize. But then, ever day, she was reminded that though he had solved one problem, he hadn’t fixed them all. Or the one that really mattered to Lily that was entirely his fault, anyway.

She shook her head and looked over at Emily, who could actually use the spoon now when eating. She was gulping down the creamy tomato soup, as SamLin sat by her and Alice sat on the armrest, whistling. Katie had her wand out and was cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. Lily sighed.

It seemed presumptuous to her to think that James had to do more for them, because he had brought her friends together once again, and that should’ve been good enough. But Lily--however much she hated herself for it--couldn’t really see him as perfect unless he solved the disaster between SamLin and Sirius.

The doorbell split through her thoughts, and everyone turned to the front door. Katie dropped her wand, which caused the pot to fall on the floor. “Oh, crap.� Emily cocked her head to the side, and smiled strangely.

“Maybe you should get the door, Lily,� she said, and all of the others looked at her in amazement. Emily had hardly strung together a few words, let alone a coherent sentence, since she had been brought in eleven days ago.

Lily nodded dumbly, and stood up, walking toward the door. Who could’ve been calling?

She flung open the door and her eyes started swimming.

Oh, Merlin. It was James Potter. With Sirius Black. But her (wait--her?) James Potter was still there.

Her knees went a little weak, but she straightened herself up and asked, “Why are you here?�

Okay, maybe it wasn’t the politest phrasing. But she might as well beat around the bush.

James looked over at Sirius, and nudged him. Sirius looked stricken and pale. Sirius never looked stricken or pale or both--unless SamLin was around. “Uh...� Sirius trailed off, wringing his hands. “SamLin’s here?�

“Of course,� Lily answered, gesturing toward the living room. “She’s with Emily.�

Sirius ignored the last part, practically running past her to see SamLin. James gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry. He just forgets his manners when she’s concerned.�

“No problem.� Lily waved her hand in the air. “Do you--do you want to come inside?� Her tone was expectant.

James ran a hand through his hair. “I will, but I won’t keep you long.� Together, they walked into the living room.

Sirius was just stared--unashamedly, for once--at SamLin. She kept blushing and squeezing Emily’s hand, looking away from Sirius’ gaze.

“SamLin, I--� Sirius put his hands behind his back so she couldn’t see how much he was wringing them. “I--�

SamLin stared curiously at Sirius. The rest of the room was trying to pointedly ignore what was going on between the two, and failing miserably.

“I--� Sirius tried again, but his throat just kept closing up. He gulped and looked at everyone else. “Do you mind giving me some space?�

Alice nodded slowly, and everyone followed suit. They weren’t sure what would happen if they left SamLin in a room with her ex-boyfriend. But they obviously wanted to know. Slowly, Katie and Alice scooped up Emily and carried her into Katie’s bedroom. Lily and James headed into the spare room.

Lily closed the door behind them. “So...what lead to this sudden revelation of Sirius’?�

James turned around and crossed his arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.�

“Yes you do,� Lily wanted to practically shout. “Yes, you do!�

James faced her, looking angry. “Why?�

“How should I know? You’re the one doing it!� She didn’t want this to turn into another argument. Not now. She took a deep breath. “Is it possible you feel some remorse for what you did? Because I know Sirius is too shy around SamLin to pluck up the courage to see her again.�

James lowered his arms. “Perhaps.�

Lily examined him, but he showed no sign of elaborating further. “So that’s why you did it,� she said flatly.

“Of course.�

She felt so frustrated at the lack of answers he was giving her. She got right in his face and snarled, “Or perhaps there might be another reason.�

He was taken aback by the sudden closeness, but all he did was narrow his eyes and say, “You think everything I do is for a bad purpose? Well, it’s not always. Just because I’m a Marauder doesn’t mean I don’t care. Because I do. Because I’m doing this all for--� He broke off suddenly and just gave her a desperate look.

“All for what?� Lily was trying frantically to look anywhere but his hazel eyes, but that only made her stare at his mouth. Oh, Merlin.

James looked like he was trying to say something, but the noises that came out resembled someone being strangled. Lily waited.

Suddenly, she noticed that the inhuman noises had ceased and now he was just staring at her. It was making her stomach swoop, being looked at like that. Lily knew she had to put some distance in between them before something unconventional could happen.

However, she was too slow, because James had already leaned over and kissed her.

Oh, my. She probably would’ve collapsed if James hadn’t circled his arms around her waist. Her heart was in her throat and her legs felt possessed. She flung her arms around his neck, needing something to hold onto so she wouldn’t fall.

They remained that way until James lifted her off the ground and placed her on the bed, so they were more level. Lily was enjoying every moment of this, though she wasn’t sure if she should’ve been.

And yet was just only after a moment longer James pulled away.

Lily was in shock. Was it a mistake? Was she a terrible kisser?

“Lily,� he gasped, breathing hard, “I can’t do this.�

Indignation seized her. “Why not? You’re the one who kissed me.�

“But I shouldn’t have,� he said quietly.

The door flung open. There stood an excited-looking Katie. “Oh, Merlin, guys. SamLin and Sirius have definitely made up.� She raised her eyebrow and smiled. “Come see.� She didn’t even notice how close her two friends were.

“Uh, yes.� Lily gulped. “We’ll be out in a moment.�

Katie nodded and disappeared.

James stood up. “I should go,� he muttered.

“No, Potter,� Lily growled. “You have more explaining to do.� She rose too.

“I--I can’t.� James looked at her. And then with a pop he was gone, leaving Lily with unanswered questions and more confused than ever.

“I just couldn’t let her know.�

Trinity Potter looked at her brother with a look of astonishment on her face. “You totally screwed it up!� she finally yelled. “You had the perfect moment too...Everything! Why’d you mess it up?�

James looked defeated, collapsing on his couch. “I can’t tell her I did it. I have to prove I’m not the arrogant toerag here. If she really cares, she’ll find out.�

Trinity eyed him suspiciously. “Are you sure?�

“I always am.�

*

“Kissed you? As in, on the lips?�

Katie looked shocked. And she probably--no, definitely--was.

“Yes!� Lily stage whispered, looking over at the door. “Merlin, Kate, try to be louder.�

There was that cute scowl. “You know I won’t tolerate one second of being called K--�

“We’ve gotten the message at least ten thousand times, I know!� Lily said.

Suddenly, Katie looked puzzled. “Why did you tell me?�

Lily crossed her arms and asked, “Why wouldn’t I tell you? You’re my friend, Katie.�

“Yeah, but...� Katie looked at Lily suspiciously. “...everyone knows you always tell SamLin this stuff before you tell us. It’s not like a big secret, and we don’t mind, but we know. Just so you know.�

Lily did not comprehend the last bit of what Katie said, but the rest was true. “Yeah. I know. But her head is so full of Sirius she wouldn’t be able to listen. Not that I mind, because she’s happy, though,� Lily quickly added.

“Hmmm...� Katie sat down on the edge of her bed. The rain pounded against the windowpane. Then, Alice, SamLin, and Emily burst in.

“Where you three?� Lily asked, sitting up straighter.

“Looking for you,� Alice replied. “And talking to boys.�

“Ah.� Lily smiled. “How our little Alice has grown.�

“And why do you say this?� Alice flopped onto her bed and bit into a Chocolate Frog.

“Why, Alice, you would’ve been avoiding--or arguing--with Frank last year. And now you’re snogging him.�

Alice looked offended. “For your information�--Her voice suddenly became high-pitched--“there was no snogging.�

Emily snorted. “Please. If you were talking, you’d have to know how to speak in many tongues.� The others roared with laughter as Alice turned bright red.

“Hey, Lily, don’t you have do rounds?� Katie asked once the laughter died down.

Lily glanced at her watch and groaned. “Yes.� She half-heartedly stood up and brushed some dust off her clothing. “I can’t believe I can’t be here with you all. Being Head Girl is going to be miserable all alone.

SamLin hugged her. “We’ll miss you, Lily. But we’ll see you tomorrow during Breakfast, right?�

“Of course.� Lily patted SamLin’s head. “I would never not sit with you.�

Lily walked out the dorm and made her way to the Portrait Hole. Once she stepped outside, she came face-to-face with James Potter.

“Oh! James!� Lily gulped. “I, uh, almost forgot you were Head Boy.�

James nodded. Lily bit the inside of her gum.

“Well, let’s go patrol the corridors,� she said. James nodded again, and then took large, loping steps away from the Portrait Hole. Lily had to run to keep up with him.

They walked through the hallways and stairways in silence, occasionally stopping to inspect certain broom cupboards or classrooms. With each echoing footstep, Lily became increasingly aware that this was the perfect opportunity to ask James what he was really doing this for. But when she thought about it long enough, she became bitter that James had kissed her--ack!--and then just left.

Well, she was going to go crazy if she didn’t find out.

“Why don’t you just admit that you finally fixed something?� Lily asked, stopping. James stopped too.

“What?� He looked down at her.

“Why don’t you admit it? I’m sick of sitting around while you play your little mind games!� she exploded. “I know you brought Emily to Katie’s house that day. I know you brought Sirius to SamLin. Why do you have to be oh-so noble by not admitting it?�

James crossed his arms. “Because if I told you so, then you would think that I was conceited. Because I knew if you really cared, you would already know.�

Lily was dumbstruck. “B-but you’re James Potter. You’re arrogant and egotistical. You fly around on that bloody broom hoping to impress girls. You don’t do stuff like that!�

“You think I am conceited. No, you wish I was conceited.� James sighed. “Why can’t you admit that I did something good?�

“Because...� Lily thought. No. There was no reason at all. Why was she so mad then? Lily ran a hand through her hair. “You confuse me. That’s all.�

“Lily,� he said, his voice getting soft, “who is the one person in the world I would do all those things for?�

Oh. Merlin. “Me?� she squeaked.

He nodded. “Precisely.�

Lily gulped.

“And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I couldn’t apologize face-to-face. I’m sorry that I kissed you.�

When Lily heard that last sentence, she felt like she was going to cry.

“No.�

Now James looked confused. “What?�

“I’m the one that should be sorry.� Lily looked down at her shoes. “You did all those things for me, and what do I do? I yell at you. So I’m sorry about that. And I’m also sorry that I could never apologize to you when you apologized to me. And I’m especially sorry that I am so bloody proud--even more than you.�

James looked amazed. “Wow; I never thought I’d ever hear you say that.�

Lily smiled weakly. “Yeah. But I do have one question: How come you apologized for kissing me?�

James unfolded his arms. His eyebrows reached his hairline. “I-I thought you were mad at me.�

“Never. Not for that.� Lily took a step forward, leaving hardly any space between her and James. “I love you.�

And in that moment, Lily realized that that statement was true. It had been true for a while, but she just couldn’t see it.

When she looked up at James, she saw a new face. It wasn’t dark and moody, it didn’t have a cocky smile dancing over its lips, and it wasn’t blank. She didn’t look at his face with any prejudice, but just with her eyes. And all she could see was happiness.

He leaned in, and Lily closed her eyes. This time, the kiss came expected, but it was no less disappointing. In fact, it was even more perfect, because they both knew there was nothing more to say.

The pride and the prejudice they both felt toward each other at first sight had kept them apart. But it also brought them together.