Summary: Winner of the First-Annual Ravenclaw Quicksliver Quill Award for Best Humor, Wittiest Writing!
Snape didn't die, he simply joined the Witness Relocation Program. A funny slogan for an avatar, but what if some crazed author somewhere decided to write the story behind it?
On the run from all those who would want to see his head on a platter, Severus Snape is put through a series of tests. But between scantily-clad Ministry agents, seeing-eye elves, and an all-witch school and all the drama that goes along with it, he is beginning to wonder how much worse the alternative would really be.
Happy Birthday, Chante'!
Categories: Humor Fics Characters: None
Warnings: Mild Profanity
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 7
Completed: No
Word count: 39652
Read: 29782
Published: 12/23/08
Updated: 06/18/11
Chapter 6 It Begins by OliveOil_Med
Author's Notes:
Severus does his best to move on from his horrible first day at the Salem Institute for Young Witchesâ”make a fresh startâ”but his students aren't about to let that happen!
Thank you to Hermione_Rocks and hogwartsbookworm for their lovely beta work!
Chapter 6
It Begins
âKit Benedicte!â Salome Amsel called out into the stables, watching for any signs of movement. âKit, you come out right now! We need to talk!â
The stables held silent, save for the few whinnies of the winged horses in their stalls and Salomeâs gasps for breath from running all the way across the grounds: down the lawn, through the stonewall gardens, and finally to the stables. Despite the quiet and the stillness within, Salome knew that Kit was here. There was nowhere else the seventeen-year-old could hide, and it was impossible to Apparate on school grounds. The seventh-year was just making a point to be silent so she wouldnât have to come out and face her Potions partner about the display that had just happened in class.
Salome shielded her arm over her eyes from the pieces of hay fell like spaghetti-like snow.
âKit!â she shouted, beginning to peek into the horse stalls. âKit, come out right now! Youâre acting like a five-year-old!â
Salome moved cautiously, knowing it would be just like Kit to sneak up on her and grab her by the shoulders, screaming bloody murder. The girl had an odd idea of how friends behaved towards one another.
Even though Kit was two years older than her, there were many occasions when Salome felt like she was the more mature of them. Ever since the day they had met, whenever Salome found herself in any sort of predicament, it could somehow, someway be connected back to Kit. A more logical person might have begged the question as to why Salome even associated with the girl, given this track record.
âKit, donât you dare jump out at me and say âBoo!ââ Salome shouted out, spinning around, trying to catch the older girl in the act. âWe both agreed we were getting too old for that!â
âI know that.â
The voice that spoke from only a few inches away caused Salome to shriek and jump, even though the word âbooâ was never spoken. And once Salome turned around, there stood Kit Benedicte, complete unfazed by the episode just now, as well as what had happened in Potions class just moments before.
âWhatâs up with you, Sweet Pea?â Kit asked, as though she were confused by the whole confrontation and the tone it was taking. âYou came storming in here looking like someone stuck a waspâs nest to the bottom of your seat.â
Salome grumbled under her breath as she moved to steady her position and did her best to look outraged, but Kit just gave a snort.
Salome had always known that she was something of a goody-goody, but no one could make her feel that way better than Kit Benedicte could. Salome knew that she herself had no ability to such mind-boggling disrespect to a teacher and then walk away as though nothing happened. And yet here Kit was, waltzing around the campus with a conscious as clear as crystal.
âWhat on Earth could you have possibly been thinking?â Salome stormed forward so she was standing nearly nose-to-nose with Kit. In her most confident voice possible, she continued, âYou have one opportunity to make a first impression with this new teacher, andâŚthat is what you choose to do? Not only that, but you choose to take me down with you?â
Kit was small for her age, but sadly, Salome was even more so, so Kit was still able to look down at her in any conversation, even when Salome was standing on her tiptoes.
In fact, all these words did was made Kit laugh even harder. âHeâs not going to dock points from you,â she managed to say within the giggling fit. âChances are heâll probably think it was one freak incident of insanity on my part andâll just forget the whole thing ever happened. And if he doesnât, Iâll just play up the crazy for a few weeks until he decides that my actions should not affect your report card.â
Kit wandered about the stable floor, around bales of hay and tack equipment, twirling the sash from her school robes about her shoulders in a dreamy and almost jubilant manner. It was clear that there was absolutely no point in trying to make Kit feel guilty about what she had done.
Salome huffed under her breath. By all logic, she shouldnât have been in this situation, because she shouldnât have even been in C.A.T. classes. Salome was in her sixth-year, even though she was only fifteen years old. She had been identified as âgiftedâ and âprecociousâ a mere six weeks into her first year, and as soon as Christmas break was over, she was skipped into the second year.
But it was also because of this that she had met Kit. She saw very little of the girls her own age during the school day, and most of the older girlsâ”either because of contempt, jealousy, or just plain disinterestâ”distanced themselves from the younger girl in their class, no matter how minor an age difference it really was. But eventually, she met Kit Benedicte, who was not quite so preoccupied with gradesâŚat least not enough to be threatened by the younger student.
And while Salome might have been considered as âstraight-lacedâ as they came, she was far too invested in her studies and herself to go tattling to the teachers about anything Kit did in her spare time, namely her unauthorized ventures into the Muggle town of Salem. In an odd sort of way, it was the lack of investment in one anotherâs interests that proved to give the girls their unusual sort of friendship.
The fact that Salome found herself so often caught up in any trouble Kit might have found herself in was just an unfortunate side-effect, such as todayâs incident in Potions.
When Kit finally noticed the serious, stern look on her friendâs face, she stopped her prancing and rushed back to Salomeâs side.
âOh, lighten up!â Kit tried with a light tone, reaching out to ruffle Salomeâs hair with both hands. âI know you laughed. Once you were out of Fresh Meatâs sight and earshot, you laughed.â
Salome stiffened; she most certainly had not laughed! Not when she hadnât been convinced she would make it out of that classroom alive!
But finally Kit seemed to understand just how inappropriate her behavior was, her voice took on a more even tone. âAnyway, heâs not going to be here for much long. I might only have one year left at this place, but Iâm sure as hell not going to spend it kissing ass!â
Salomeâs face contorted into shock at the sound of the swear, and once again, Kit burst out laughing at the expression. âGood God, Sweet Pea, youâre worse than Catholic guilt!â she teased. âNot to mention if we show perfect behavior during the first class, then thatâs exactly what heâs going to expect for the rest of the year. And heâs not going to get it from anyone else, so wouldnât it have been crueler to lie to him?â
Chewing on her bottom lip, Salome did her very best to come up with some clever sort of retort but came up blank.
âI wouldnât worry about any of it, though,â Kit went on. âThis whole schoolâs going to be doing their part to see that Professor CameronâŚwell, youâll see.â
Salomeâs eyes narrowed in suspicion. âWhat are you getting at?â This was starting to sound like something that would see to it her children and grandchildren would grow up in detention at the Salem Institute for Young Witches.
Kit shook her head up at the rafters. âSalome, if this guy is ever going to be the sort of teacher that anyone will ever learn anything from, you gotta train him to follow the unwritten rules of Salem,â she explained. âTeacher or student, you start here at the lowest of the low, and have to work your way up. Really, that attitude of his is only going to make it worse for him. A little humility will be good for him, and not just as a teacher.â
Salomeâs eyes went wide. âTrain him? Heâs not a dog!â
âDonât be ridiculous,â Kit assured her. âItâs a perfectly natural part of getting a new teacher. Especially when youâve never spent any time around kids, which I guarantee you, this guy hasnât. I heard from Cyrille that she saw one of the second-years bolting out of his classroom like heâd shot her owl!â
Salome shifted uncomfortably in her shoes. Even if the second-year didnât have a name in this story, she still couldnât help but feel bad for the girl, being made to cry in front of her entire class. That was when Salome first began to notice that characteristic pull over to the âDark Sideâ that always preceded her getting in trouble right alongside Kit. If she had any sense, she would have cut and run right there.
They were interrupted by a pair of fourth-year girls in riding robes leading two of the schoolâs winged horses out into the ring. âHey, guys!â Kit called over to them. âYou heard about the new Potions professor?â
The girl leading a chestnut-colored Aethonan spoke up first. âThe guy wearing all black who looks like he wants to eat your soul?â Kit nodded and Salomeâs jaw dropped at the blunt description. âYeah, I saw him when I was with Raquel yesterday. Letâs just say I canât wait for class tomorrow.â
âYeah, I heard he stole Anna Morrisonâs Seeing-Eye Elf,â snapped the other girl. âHis ass is grass!â In a sporadic action, the taller girl smacked her riding crop against the one of the stable beams, causing her horse to buck at the sharp noise.
Kit turned to face Salome as the two riders left the stable. âYou see?â she pointed out. âCameronâs going to get what he deserves with or without us. Or do you still think you can change the minds of the entire student body?â
Salome began to fidget as she felt herself being pulled deeper and deeper into a situation that seemed like it could only end painfully. But it did seem like it would be anâŚengaging, and even amusing pastime in a school with no boys and where a person would live a near Puritanical existence if they followed every school rule. First, Kit had caught the urge, now it was beginning to spread to Salome, and the two fourth-years already seemed heavily infected by the notion.
It has to be contagiousâŚ.
Severus rushed to pick up the still-burning cigarette butt off the floor while Shoshana crumpled against the couch cushions, crippled by a violent fit of laughter. Quickly tossing the burning stick into a cup of tea, he turned back in complete seriousness to face the agent who could not have been acting less professional.
When Shoshana had arrived at Severusâ flat (unannounced, of course) and sat down on the couch to light a cigarette, sheâd promised that she would be able to maintain a professional disposition if Severus agreed to tell her how his first day of teaching went. Severus had not even told her everything when she finally could not hold in her laughter and her cigarette launched out of her mouth like a harpoon.
Now that his flat was no longer in danger of burning to the ground, he felt like he could address what he felt was a completely inappropriate reaction on Shoshanaâs part.
âItâs not funny!â he growled.
âYes, it is!â Shoshana was barely able to squeak.
The girl reached into her bag for another cigarette, which Severus might have scolded her for, seeing she had nearly burned the building down with the last one. But she was still shaking so hard that he doubted she would even be able to manage the dexterity to light it. As an afterthought, he wondered just how quickly the couch could burst into flames.
âYou just donât think so because youâre the one it happened to,â she said, finally giving up and setting the pack on the coffee table.
Severus briefly considered that he shouldnât be so rattled about the girl creating such a mess in a flat that was barely his, but yet another of his more recent gifts from the Witness Protection Program. It was a Muggle building, but Severus had no plans of becoming friendly with his neighbors, no matter who they were, so it hardly mattered. It was rather small, but Shoshana informed him until the American government could get a hold of his finances and sell his old home at Spinners End, it would just have to do. Not that Severus hadnât gone without money before.
âOkay, okay!â The girl settleed back against the couch cushions, clutching at her aching sides. âLetâs make a list. In the course of one day, you stole a Seeing-Eye Elf from a blind kid, made a twelve-year-old cry in front of twenty of her closest friends, and caused half of your C.A.T. class to walk out in the middle of the lesson.â
âThere are only two students in C.A.T. Potions!â Severus exclaimed. âI can hardly have a proper lesson with only one child in the classroom!â
Shoshana just continued to laugh and snicker, though at least she had the decency to cover her mouth while she did so. âLet me ask this, at least. Were you actually trying to start the school year as horribly as you possibly could?â
Severus groaned, knowing know that his handler was not going to offer him any sort of pity. âAs though the first day of teaching school wasnât bad enough the first time!â Severus couldnât help but shudder as he thought back to those dark days.
âYeah, Iâm not quite sure how youâre going to top all this,â Shoshana finally seemed to collect herself, âbut Iâm sure youâre going to find a way to do it somehow. You just seem like that kind of guy.â
Severus groaned and sunk back into his armchair. âI think you all would have been better off leaving me to bleed on that floor!â
By now, Shoshanaâs laughter had stopped completely and she was finally able to attempt solemnity. âOh, câmon, you donât mean that! Look, I remember how brutal kids can be to the new teacher, trying to see just how much they can get away with. Oh, the stories I could tell youâŚbut I donât think they would help in making you feel better.â
Finally, the girlâs gaining a little perspective, Severus thought as he sneered to himself.
Shoshana moved to his side. âLook, I know it was a really crappy day, but at least itâs over now, and you can start tomorrow fresh. Just take a deep breathâ”â Shoshana illustrated by inhaling deeply, ââ”and remind yourselfâŚitâs only going to get worse now that theyâve tasted blood.â
That was not what he had been expecting to hear. Staring up at her, agape, Severus just had to ask, âHow is that supposed to help with anything?â
Shoshana shrugged and reached once again for her unlit cigarette. âIt doesnât, but we both know weâd be kidding ourselves if I said anything different.â
Severus continued to scowl. âYou are a horrible, horrible friend!â he growled.
The young Ministry agent looked back over her shoulder and, the first time, Severus saw the girl genuinely shocked. âWhen did we become friends?â
Chuckling at the irony of it all, Severus came as close to a smile as was possible for him. âShoshana, right now, you are probably the closest thing I have to a friend right now. And that, in itself, is extremely sad.â
Severus tried to follow Shoshanaâs advice and start his next day with a clean slate. This advice seemed to work surprisingly well until Severus was suddenly reminded that his first class of the day would be the Salem fourth-years. And he was reminded of this by one girl standing among a group of four waiting to be let into the classroom, a girl who was staring off into space, focusing on nothing in particular, with a house-elf in a matching dress standing at her side.
Pressing on ahead and hoping Anna Morrison was the forgiving sort, he made his way to the entrance of the classroom. âGood morning, ladies,â he greeted his strange students who seemed just a little afraid of him before turning to the one he already knew. âMiss Morrison.â
The girl turned her head in the direction of the voice, but she didnât make eye contact. She smiled as she spoke. âMorning, Professor Cameron.â
For a fleeting moment, Severus wondered how a blind girl would even learn how to smile. The house-elf, while still holding Annaâs hand, crossed her arms in front of herself and gave a humph in the manner of someone extremely offended. Severus tried to greet the creature with as much civility as he knew how to treat a house-elf with. âGood morning, Sheriri.â
âGo to hell!â the elf squeaked at him.
The other girls around the door snickered at the profanity, and even Anna Morrison couldnât help but giggle slightly at her Seeing-eye Elfâs outburst.
âIâm sorry,â she finally apologized in that way of hers that didnât involve looking people in the eyes. âBut when Sheriri and I first started working together, it took forever to get her to outgrow her old head-bowing, whatever-you-say house-elf mannerisms. A Seeing-Eye Elf needs to be bold so they can give orders to their human and keep them out of danger.â
Anna adjusted her shoulder bag as the girls behind her shifted uncomfortably. âAnd Iâm not about to start encouraging her to do any different now.â
Severus suddenly began to cough in a way that even sounded uncomfortable. âRight, then,â he said, wanting to put a quick end this conversation. âLetâs get to class.â
When he opened the door, however, he was greeted with a rather surprising sight. Severus, who had thought that Anna and the three other girls outside were just early birds, entered the room to find it filled with what had to be the entire fourth-year class, and Severus didnât even have to look at the guilty expressions on their faces to see what they had been up to.
The walls of the classroom were no longer bare. None of the old, mold-laced drawings had been tacked up, but they were all drawings of the same purpose, dozens upon dozens of them. It must have taken several nightsâ work to produce such quantities. Mobiles and models even dangled from the ceiling.
Severus wasnât quite sure if the girls had meant this to be some sort of prank; as though the sight of anything colorful that could lift peopleâs spirits would cause him great offence. He even began to wonder if the three girls outside were meant to stand guard. Severus couldnât help but snicker at the idea of a blind girl being assigned the job of lookout. He knew that that was incredibly inappropriate to think, but he doubted there were any Legimenses in the class to hear him.
âGood morning, ladies,â he began with the rehearsed speech he had prepared for the first day of each of his classes. âMy name is Professor Cameron, and I will be your new permanent Potions instructor.â
As Severus spoke, he began to notice that the girls in his class seemed to be looking at him rather expectantly, their eyes shifting from the decorations to him and back again. It was as though they honestly thought this was some sort of clever prank that he would blow his top at the moment he saw.
Best to do away with that illusion!
âI suppose you all thought I took away the classroom decorations just to be mean, and by putting new ones back up, youâre somehow getting revenge.â He began to pace lazily through the aisles. âWell, Iâm not exactly certain what you think all this is going to accomplish. Believe it or not, I am not the evil British Potions professor that flees from bright colors the way a vampire flees from sunlight.â
Severus returned to the blackboard, taking up a piece of chalk. âAs nothing proves to be a fire hazard, you can decorate the classroom however you want. Itâs your school, after all.â
Severus scanned the room for disappointed faces, but found himself feeling disappointment with the lack of response. Now he would have to think up some other way to show that he wielded the power in this classroom. As it was, it certainly wasnât going to be spread by word of mouth.
âNow, letâs move on to the lesson for today.â He turned to add further notes to the writing already on the chalkboard. âAccording to your headmistress, the third-years left last year with the study of Sleeping Draughts, so we will be starting your fourth year by seeing just how much you have retained since your summer vacation.â
From behind him, Severus thought he heard a few groans and smiled to himself at the progress being made.
âOn the board, you see the instructions for the brewing of Dozing Draft, a very mild Sleeping Draught which you should have already learned to make last year. Your textbooks should also be able to supply you with supplementary information for the brewing process.â Severus tilted his head towards the large storage cupboard against the wall. âIngredients are in the storage cupboards. Anyone who did not bring their cauldron and tools to class will be out of luck and earn a zero for the day. You are more than halfway through your education, and you should know by now what is expected of you when you come to class.â
A few of the girls began to squirm uncomfortably in their seats. He was making progress. Severus moved away from the board to stand before his class once again. âAnd if for any reason, you find yourself without your supplies, let today be a learning experience for you.
âYou will be working pairs. When you hear your name, go find your partner and get to work.â
He supposed giving the girls partners for their brewing made his speech about class supplies rather redundant, but he admitted to himself it was more for the purpose of seeing to it the fourth-years did not believe this was a class they would simply be able to âscoot throughâ.
Severus picked up a piece of parchment from his desk and began reading off the pairs of names. âTulla Martelli and Morgan Kerner, Sarah Dowling and Graciela Nieves, Kirsten Hall and Tess Womack, Andrea Beaulieu and Sonja Nicolic, Mai Vu and Erin MarshâŚ.â
Gradually, the girls began finding their partners and moving to their tables, most of them keeping a cautious eye on their new teacher. Severus couldnât help but relish the taste of fear once again. How he had missed it! ââŚJane Iwamoto and Chelsea Barnett, Laurel Anderson and Bonnie Acosta, Daisy Calton and Corona Sousa, Michelle Lowe and Vivien Finn, Caitlin Grove and Heidi LoftonâŚ.â
Finally, there was only one pair of students left. âJennifer McFadden andâŚAnna Morrison.â
Anna Morrison was still in her seat, fumbling with the various tools while she stared straight ahead. Her partner set the ingredients out, one by one. He wondered just how much individual attention the girl would need to get through the lesson. He had never had a student with such aâŚprofound disability as Miss Morrison.
But Miss McFadden didnât seem at all horrified at the prospect of working with the girl, and Anna wouldnât have been allowed into fourth-year Potions if she was completely unprepared for the subject, so Severus decided that, for now, he would just let things progress. He was actually a little surprised himself for obsessing so much over one student and feeling so uncomfortable. It had to be leftover guilt from stealing the girlâs Seeing-Eye ElfâŚwhich he was still trying to figure out how exactly happened.
âMiss Nieves, even out that measuring spoon! You easily have three times too much powdered Mooncalf hoofâŚâ Severus began making his rounds around the classroom. âMiss Finn, the instructions say âsimmerâ, not âstart a forest fireâ. Turn down that flameâŚMiss Calton, magazines do not belong in the classroom, so now itâs mine âtil MondayâŚ.â
But every time he passed by Anna Morrisonâs table, he found his words continually getting caught in his throat. There were plenty of things he could have commented on; her lavender had not been ground fine enough, her melted butterscotch was too runny, she hadnât even started on slicing her fairy wings. But while these things might have taken points off her final score, there was nothing that would have caused the cauldron to start spewing noxious gas, so he just continued moving past her again and again.
You know you would never let her off so easily if she could see, a voice rang in Severusâ head, and that only made the knot in Severusâ stomach tie even tighter.
Shut up! Severus growled to himself, even though arguing with himself made him feel even more awkward.
âMissy Anna, smaller,â he suddenly heard a squeaky voice. âMuch better!â
Severus turned around to see the girlâs elf pushing the mortar and pestle back into her hands, prompting her to start grinding again. Jennifer McFadden continued her work beside her as though there was nothing unusual about what was going, certainly a lot more relax about her blind partner than Severus was.
How did an elf learn so much about potions anyway? Severus had to wonder.
âSheriri, are these the wings?â Miss Morrison asked, holding up a slab of dried and flattened leeches.
âNo, Missy Anna Miss.â The Seeing-Eye Elf reached for the wings. âHere the wings are!â
Severus had to admit that his heart started racing when the girl reached for the knife, but, eyes forward, she sliced the wings into strips with a practiced hand, Sheriri the elf watching the knife like a hawk. Again, Miss McFadden was working at a relaxed pace, not a worry in her head.
âMiss Morrison,â Severus finally spoke up, âslice the strips diagonally, not vertically.â
âAlright.â The girl shifted the wing and continued slicing. No crying, and the girl didnât shatter into pieces or burst into flames.
Feeling a bit more confident, Severus turned his attentions to the elf. âSheriri, you help Miss Morrison with all her classes like this?â
âItâs Sheririâs job to help Missy Anna Miss with everything Miss Anna might need.â The Seeing-Eye Elf didnât take her eyes off Miss Morrisonâs knife. âSheriri has been doing this for many years, and Sheriri will for many more.â
Nodding, Severus couldnât help but ask, âThen why didnât you âhelp Miss Annaâ yesterday in the elevator when I was trying to get her attention?â
The little house-elf looked up at the Potionâs Master with a look of defiance that seemed almost impossible to be on the face of one of these creatures. âSheriri doesnât work for Potions Teacher Number Seventeen!â
Severus was taken slightly aback by the shouting elf. âMiss Morrison, turn down that flame while youâre at it!â he quipped before sweeping away. No insult for the elf, as he had never been in the position of needing to insult a house-elf. He still wasnât quite sure whether he was any more comfortable working with the blind student than he was before.
But he was able to now comment on Miss Morrisonâs work as he commented on the on the brewing of the other students.
âMiss Iwamoto,â he said to the Asian girl at the next table over, âyou do realize that the instructions call for slicing the wings, not mutilating them?â
But instead of doing anything to fix this, the girl just looked up at him, disgusted. âIâm Miss Barnett!â she said before pointing to the black girl who was her partner. âSheâs Miss Iwamoto!â
Severusâ stared at the girls. It was just barely possible that they might have been telling the truth, but the more likely answer kept surfacing in his mind. âIs this some sort of joke?â he asking in a tone that left no room for joking. âTo see just how much you can get away with on the first day?â
But the petite girl before him stood her ground. âYou do know how racist that sounds, right?â
He had gotten this far into the class period without making an ass of himself. He was not about to have the forth-years go running off to the first teacher they could find to tell that their Potions Master was a racist as well. So if her partner wanted to be âMiss Iwamotoâ for the rest of the year, by all means, he saw no reason not to let her.
âTimeâs up!â Snape snapped above the volume of the collective class. âWhether youâre finished or not, bottle a sample of what you have brewed with your names attached, then bring them up to my desk for grading.â
A quick glance around the room revealed some groups who might have been less than ready to turn over what they had produced especially as a lot of girls seemed to be taking their sweet time bringing their potion samples to the desk.
âHomework for next class is to have read pages sixty-seven through one hundred and four in your textbooks, as well as sixteen inches of parchment on how your potion brewing abilities have regressed over the summer and what you plan to do to fix that.â Severus began collecting his class notes off his desk. âEverybody, dismissed!â
Even after their potions had been turned in, the girls were slow in gathering up their things, but Severus supposed they were old enough not to need him to hold their hands, so he took the liberty of leaving.
In retrospect, especially given what he had seen from the fourth-years at the beginning of class, this probably wasnât the best decision.
When he returned to his classroom, Severus saw the first-years already gathered outside the door, a collection of pigtails, messy ribbons, and obscenely-colored book bags. But the chatter gradually came to an end once they noticed the approaching adult.
âHello, ladies,â he greeted the new students, once again, with his rehearsed speech. âMy name is Professor Cameron and I am the schoolâs Potion Master. I am actually rather looking forward to this class because I will be able to start from scratch withal of you and not have to undo years of bad habits left on you byâŚother instructors.â
A few of the girls waved and muttered hellos, while everyone else stared off in to space, still not having shaken the dreamy state summer tended to put students in. Then again, there was something to be said about that blissful state of ignorance before a child learned fear.
But Severus couldnât say that he was actually trying to strike any sort of fear into his students at the particular moment. As they followed him into the room, Severus decided that there would be a whole school year for that.
âEveryone please take your seats,â he said in a somewhat distracted way as he remove his satchel from him shoulder.
There was a quiet murmur among the class, before one little girl in braids finally got up the nerves to ask, âHow?â
Severus searched through his branch, trying to think of a snarky remark for the little brat, when he heard the sound of his satchel drop to the floor, right at his feet. Looking around the room, none of the tables or stools were there for the students, at least until he started to venture his eyes up towards the ceiling. There they were: the desk, the stools, everything necessary for conducting a Potions lesson, along with the supply cupboards. All of it had been stuck there as though this was exactly where it was supposed to be.
âIs this a test?â another little girl asked in a tone that had yet to fear the wrath of Severus Snape.
âOh, bloody hell!â Severus muttered to himself.
He should never have mentioned anything about âdecorating the ceilingâ to the fourth-years. And he certainly shouldnât have given them the opportunity to attempt something else that would truly annoy him. As he stood there, he found himself trying to figure out whether this little stunt had been provoked by the decorations, his remarks to Miss Iwamoto, or maybe even Sheriri had encouraged the students to give it a try.
Severus extracted his wand from his pocket and tried casting a nonverbal summoning charm. Nothing. All the furniture remained stuck.
âAccio storage cupboard!â he then tried. Still nothing. He had to wonder what kind of education these students were getting: his American fourth-years were easily a year behind his British students one, and yet they could levitate a classroom full of heavy furniture and perform a Sticking Charm strong enough to actually hold them to the ceiling.
âProfessor, I donât think this is working,â came yet another little voice.
Damn, damn, damn! Severus thought to himself. There were at least several dozen different charms the girls could have used to do this, and they all had their own counter-spells. And, as much as it might have hurt Severusâ ego to admit, he didnât even know most of them. He didnât even want to think about how long it would take to look up and try all of them.
Of course, now he had the problem of teaching his class without any of the furniture or equipment.
âEveryoneâŚâ The fourth-years had left the entire supply of burners on their tables, which were now also dangling from the ceiling. ââŚwe willâŚâ The ingredients were even stuck to the shelves in the storage cupboards. âOh, all of you just go!â
Upon hearing this, the first-years were so excited to be getting out of class that absolutely no one was frightened his yelling. In fact, they were fighting and climbing all over one another to get out of the classroom.
Once they were all gone, having no desk and no chair to sit at, Severus left the room as well and made his way to the teacherâs longue. He knew that the headmistress most likely wouldnât hold him responsible for something the students had done, but he still knew that this little stunt was a reflection of him as a teacher, especially since the girls even thought they could get away with it.
Severus grumbled to himself, knowing that his students at Hogwarts would never have been so stupid as to think they could pull off something like this. Of course, there he had had the not-quite-rumors of being a former Death Eater to ensure that.
Here at SalemâŚhe wasnât quite sure what he had to work with, and it certainly wasnât going to get his classroom down off the ceiling!
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