Sirius’ fingers were interlaced with Addie’s as the slowly walked together through the corridor towards the Great Hall. Sirius watched Addie with his face wrinkled in concern for her since she had looked nervous and distracted all morning. She insisted everything was alright, but Sirius hadn’t bought it. She was a mess, and it bothered Sirius that she thought there was something that she couldn’t tell him.

He slowly stroked his thumb over the back of her hand and silently wished he could think of something to say. He wanted to distract her, to make her laugh, and to take her worries away. To his disappointment, the only words that kept coming to mind were, ‘please tell me what’s wrong’.

He knew that she and Nell had been fighting, but that had been going on for ages and couldn’t imagine it causing her such distress after so long, unless they had fought the night before. It was a possibility; he, James, and Peter had been out the night before with Remus on the full moon. But either way, Sirius figured it must have been a big fight. He knew that Addie always tried her hardest to not let her distress show. The fact that she was failing at hiding her worries made Sirius even more concerned.

Sirius gently squeezed Addie’s hand, trying to get her attention, and feeling comforted himself by the small gesture, knowing her hand was still in his. She made no sign that she even felt the pressure. He let out a worried sigh as they walked through the doors of the Great Hall and just through the entrance, he stopped walking, pulling her around to face him. He dropped her hand and placed his on the side of her face.

He gave a weak smile in an effort to hide his own concern and spoke gently to her. “Can you sit with me this morning?� It was almost unnecessary to ask. She had sat with him for weeks, since her and Nell fought the first time.

Addie sent a quick glance towards the Gryffindor table before shaking her head. “No,� she replied slowly, “I’m going to go sit and wait for Nell.�

Sirius was shocked by her reply. Not only had she told him no, but she was waiting for Nell? Had they made up? If they had, she can’t imagine Nell would be sitting at the Ravenclaw table. Nell would be with Remus. Maybe she was fighting with Lily?

While Sirius wondered what was going on, Addie turned and headed towards the Ravenclaw table to sit alone, as close to the door as she could find. Sirius reluctantly walked over and sat down next to Lily at the Gryffindor table. “Hey, are you and Addie fighting?� Sirius asked, sounding more blunt than he intended.

“Hello Sirius, why, my morning is going wonderfully! Thank you for asking!� Lily teased. Sirius said nothing but gave her an ‘I’m-not-in-the-mood’ look. Lily stuck her tongue out at him before replying. “Not that I know of, why?�

“She says she’s fine, but she’s not fooling me. She’s been a wreck all morning. She’s seemed distracted and nervous, but won’t tell me what’s wrong.� Both Lily and Sirius glanced over to the Ravenclaw table to see Addie sitting alone, plate empty, and eyes glued to the doorway of the Great Hall. Sirius’ face once again wrinkled in concern as he turned back to Lily. “She says she’s waiting for Nell, but aren’t they fighting?� Lily nodded slowly, gazing towards Addie.

Sirius was about to ask her to go talk to Addie, but he didn’t have to. Lily stood up suddenly and muttered quickly that she would be right back and walked over to sit next to Addie. Addie’s face brightened only momentarily at the sight of her best friend before her gaze shifted back to the open doors of the Great Hall. Sirius watched them both from across the room, frustrated that he couldn’t hear what was being said.

Lily leaned into Addie slightly as she spoke, probably trying to grab her full attention, but to no avail. Addie merely shrugged, not even glancing in Lily’s direction. Lily spoke again, and this time, Addie hesitated before slowly nodding, her face sinking into an even more devastating look. Next she closed her eyes and shook her head. One word from Lily, and one word reply from Addie. Sirius stood in frustration, needing to know what they were talking about.

Sirius started to make his way over to Addie, with his focus still on the girls. He wasn’t watching where he was going and walked into someone who had just entered through the door. “Sorry,� Sirius muttered, looking to see who he had walked into. It was Remus, looking nearly as concerned as Addie, though he had an excuse. Turning into a werewolf took its toll on a guy.

“No worries,� Remus muttered, not even looking at Sirius, but scanning the hall, apparently looking for someone. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Addie jump out of her seat and she nearly sprinted towards him and Remus. Sirius was surprised when it became apparent that she was headed straight for Remus rather than him. Sirius shot Remus a quick glance and saw Remus give a slight smile and nod. When Sirius looked back at Addie, he saw her return a smile.

When she reached the two of them, almost immediately Remus said, “Here, come with me,� and he and Addie hurried out of the Great Hall before Sirius could even register what had happened. Lily soon was standing by his side looking just as confused as he was. Sirius looked towards her hoping she would have an answer, but all she said was, “I have no idea… she said she was waiting for Nell.�

They stood there for a moment, looking down the corridor where Addie and Remus had just vanished, but James soon walked through the doors and Lily hurried over to him with a smile spreading across her face.

And there Sirius stood, alone and confused as ever. With Remus, James, Lily, and Addie all missing from the Great Hall, there was hardly even a reason to stay there anymore. Peter had never been the best breakfast companion. So, with his friends all gone, Sirius left the Great Hall in the same way he entered, worried about Addie and trying to figure out what was going on.

He figured that he would go back up to the common room and wait for Remus there. He would ask Remus what was going on when he got back. He made his way up to the seventh floor and just as he approached the tapestry covering the Room of Requirement, the wall shifted into a door and Addie emerged. She didn’t notice him at first as she closed the door and leaned her head against the wall. Sirius didn’t know what to do, he hadn’t even known that she knew about the Room of Requirement. “Addie?� Sirius said, his confusion apparent in the tone of his voice.

Addie gasped and spun around quickly, shock written in her face and tears streaming down her cheeks. Sirius was taken aback by her tears and stood motionless for a second before he got his bearings straight. “What’s wrong?� he asked as he stepped forward and held Addie in his arms. Sirius could feel Addie shake her head against his chest.

He sighed, “Why won’t you talk to me about what’s bothering you?� Sirius pulled away slightly so that he could look Addie in the face. She blinked away a few tears and avoided Sirius’ eyes.

Giving up, he pulled her back into a hug just wanting her to feel better. After another minute, he pulled back again. “What were you doing in the Room of Requirement? Is Remus in--� but he didn’t get to finish his sentence as the wall turned into a door once more and someone else walked through. He saw that it was Nell and glanced back at Addie just before Nell turned to face them. Sirius couldn’t hold in a slight gasp when he saw her, her face and shoulders littered in bruises. Before Sirius could even get a word out, Addie grabbed Nell’s hands and the two of them turned away, quickly walking away from him.

Sirius felt as though his feet were suddenly glued to the floor and couldn’t move an inch. He didn’t even have a guess as to what the heck was going on. What happened to Nell? Maybe that was why Addie was so panicked all morning? If so, where was Remus? He glanced back at the Room of Requirement, betting anything that Remus was in there, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to get in. Sirius started walking back towards the Common Room. He decided to check the map to see if Remus was in the castle somewhere. If he wasn’t, then there were really only two other places he would be.

Sure enough, when he checked the map, Remus was nowhere to be found. He quickly stuffed the map back into his pocket and walked out of the dormitories. As he left the portrait hole, he saw Addie walking towards him, tears still running down her cheeks. She stopped when she saw Sirius and wiped away her tears. Sirius didn’t even know what he should do. He wanted to hold her and make her stop crying, but he wanted to give her space if she wanted it. He decided nothing was worth watching her cry and he moved forward to gently wipe a tear off her cheek.

“What’s going on, Addie?� he said quietly, looking into her sad eyes.

“Nell left. Her mom took her home,� Addie said, avoiding Sirius’ gaze as she spoke, looking at the floor.

“What? Why?� Sirius asked, confused. “What happened to her? Is she leaving because of the bruises?� Sirius said, angry that Addie had to lose her best friend like this. Addie nodded slowly, looking back up to Sirius only momentarily to confirm his question.

“How’d she get the bruises, Addie?�

Addie hesitated, staring intently at the portrait to her left. “She got too close to the Whomping Willow,� Addie said quietly. “She’d once seen all of you stop it moving and going into it and was curious.�

Sirius was disgusted that this was all partially his fault. “When did this happen?� he asked.

“Last night,� Addie said, which made sense because they had been out last night. Sirius shook his head and stepped forward, pulling Addie into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Addie,� he muttered quietly into her ear.

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. “I’m going to miss her so much,� she said, her voice muffled by Sirius’ robes.

“I know,� he said, “we all will.�

He held her for a while, hoping to make her feel better. He pulled back slightly, wiping the tears off her cheeks. “Where’s Remus, Addie? He has to be a mess…�

She shrugged slightly, “Last I saw him he was in that room…�

Sirius leaned in and kissed Addie on the forehead. “I have to go find him. Do you want me to meet you somewhere once I find him?� But before Sirius even finished his question, Addie was shaking her head no. “Alright,� he said, “Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?� he asked.

“No,� she replied, “I’ll be okay. Go check on Remus.�

Sirius nodded and gave her another kiss on the forehead before the both turned in opposite directions of each other and walked away. Sirius did not have far to go before he was standing in front of the entrance to the Room of Requirement. Now that he was out there, he was not sure what he was going to do about it. As far as he knew, there was no way in except if you knew exactly what you needed.

Sirius paced back and forth, trying different ways to get into the room and find Remus. Maybe if he was desperate enough, he could find a way in. He tried a few things, ‘show me Remus’, ‘I need to find Remus’, ‘I need my friend’, but no luck with any of them. He walked forward and banged his fists against the tapestry in frustration and was shocked when the stone wall behind it gave off a hollow noise. He was even more surprised when a door started to appear beneath his hands.

Within moments of the completion of the door, it cracked open and Sirius saw Remus standing just inside the door. Sirius pushed the door open and walked in cautiously, watching Remus walk back across the room to sit down on the couch on the far side of the room.

There was silence for a moment and Remus sat on the couch elbows resting on his knees and head hanging in sadness. Sirius walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. “Addie told me you were here…� Sirius said cautiously, wondering if Remus even took comfort in him being there.

Remus said nothing; he didn’t even acknowledge that Sirius had spoken. Sirius waited for Remus to respond, and when he said nothing, Sirius spoke again. “I saw Nell when before she left,� Sirius said, and Remus’ face wrinkled, obviously trying to hide how upset he was at the mention of Nell. “Addie told me what happened…� Sirius mumbled.

Remus’ features hardened, looking almost angry. Maybe Sirius shouldn’t have mentioned that. “It’s a funny feeling,� Remus said, his voice monotone, though it had a slight quiver, “I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone so badly before…� Sirius remained silent, unsure of who Remus was talking about. “I mean, I really want to hurt him. If I saw Snape right now, I don’t think I’d stop myself.� Remus just stared down at his hands as he spoke.

Sirius was confused, “What has Snape got to do with this?� Sirius asked and Remus looked up at him instantly.

For a moment he just looked at Sirius, but then looked back down and shook his head. “I thought you said Addie told you what happened.�

“She did,� Sirius replied, still confused. “She told me that Nell saw us go to the Whomping Willow and she wanted to try for herself, but got too close. I saw the bruises…�

Sirius saw Remus tense up instantly. “She blamed it on us?� he said, anger clearly in his voice.

“Not exactly,� Sirius said hesitantly.

“She blamed it on us…� Remus repeated, “I can’t believe she blamed it on us when a lot of the blame lies with her…�

“What do you mean the blame lies with her?� Sirius asked, shocked, “And what does Snape have to do with any of this?�

“Without Snape, none of this would have ever happened.� Sirius waited silently, not knowing what to say because he was still confused. Remus continued. “It wasn’t the Whomping Willow that hurt Nell. It was Snape.�

Sirius’ mouth fell open. He hated Snape, but he would never have guessed that. He shook his head, trying to figure things out. “What did she ever do to him? Why Nell?�

“That’s just the thing. That’s exactly why I want to hurt him so badly…� Remus stood up off the couch and walked across the room over to the wall of windows. “Nell never did anything to him.�

“Then why her?�

“Because this wasn’t the first time he hurt her,� Remus quietly answered.

“When did he hurt her before?� Sirius inquired, looking over at Remus.

“Does it really matter? He hurt her, and now she’s gone. All because of him.�

Sirius still couldn’t understand all that Remus was telling him. “If you knew all of this, why didn’t you tell anyone? Why did you just let it all happen?� Sirius was angry. Why hurt Nell and those around her by keeping all of this a secret?

“She told me I couldn’t. I regret not doing it. I hate myself for not telling. But she said I couldn’t tell, and it wasn’t my secret to tell, so I listened to her. I suppose Addie’s right then, it kind of is my fault.� Remus spoke quietly, almost to himself, and Sirius thought he saw a tear run down Remus’ face. This ordeal was tearing him apart, and Sirius could tell.

Sirius stood and walked over to stand next to him and placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder. “It’s not your fault. You did what you could to keep her happy.� He forced a smile for Remus.

The two of them stood in silence together for a while before Remus spoke. “I don’t want the whole school to know. There’s a reason Nell didn’t want me telling anyone… Don’t tell anyone else?� Remus requested, and Sirius nodded his head in agreement.

The two of them left the Room of Requirement together as the sun set and walked silently back to the common room. Naturally, people would realize Nell was gone, but the only people who knew why wouldn’t tell, so it’d be a mystery why she left. I suppose she’d prefer it that way.

The others had heard Nell left and no one asked any questions that night when Remus didn’t say a word to anyone before he went to bed. No one spoke much at all, and everyone followed Remus to bed shortly after he went up.

Sirius lay in his bed silently and watched the sun rise through a crack in his bed curtains. He had spent the night tossing and turning, unable to sleep from the thoughts suffocating his mind. The thought that Snape could do something so horrible to Nell and the thought that Nell could be gone had hit him hard. He couldn’t imagine what Remus was going through. The thought that pierced his thoughts and kept him up through the hours of darkness was how close Snape may have come to choosing Addie. He had hurt her best friend, and now that Nell is gone, would he hurt someone else? Sirius couldn’t sleep for the thought of Addie being hurt.

And through his hours of tossing and turning, sometime just before dawn, Sirius realized something. Something new to him; something foreign. He loved her. The way his throat tightened when he thought of her being hurt or upset, and the way he couldn’t keep a smile from spreading across his face when he thought of her laughter. The way he couldn’t picture being with any girl but her. This was love. He grinned at the thought of putting a name to the flutter in his heart every time he held her.

But still, the thought of Snape being anywhere in the school left him so distraught that not even exhaustion could lull him into sleep. He felt protective of her in a way he’d never known. But Remus made him promise that he couldn’t tell anyone of Nell’s story. Snape was there to stay, at least until the end of the year. By sunrise, he had a plan, a way to keep Addie safe from harm.

By late morning, Sirius dragged his stiff and tired body from bed and quickly dressed. He hurried down to the Great Hall, desperately hoping to find Addie there. When she wasn’t there, he sat down, barely once taking his eyes off the door. As he waited, an untouched plate of food grew cold in front of him while thoughts hacked at his mind, the worst scenarios unfolding in his mind.

‘How could I have let her walk back on her own!’ he thought angrily while his heart skipped a beat after every person walked through the doors of the Great Hall, searching for Addie. ‘What if she didn’t make it back to her common room safely?’ ‘I should go look for her,’ ‘What if she shows up while I am gone?’ Thought after thought streaming until finally, Addie entered the room.

Sirius nearly jumped up with joy, ecstatic to see that Addie was alright. He caught her eye and she showed him a quick smile before walking over to him and sitting down. She looked like she had gotten just about as much sleep as he had. Sirius tucked her hair behind her ear and his brow furrowed at the sight of her sullen face. She looked back at him with a weak smile and mumbled, “I’ll be fine, Sirius, just give it time.�

Quickly afterwards, she even seemed a bit better. Though they ate breakfast in near silence, there were no tears running from her eyes and he could see a bit of color in her cheeks and he thought that maybe she would be okay soon enough.

The two of them walked out of the Great Hall and Sirius escorted her to the Ravenclaw common room. When they reached the door, Addie went to enter, but Sirius did not let go of her hand. She looked back at him with a sadness in her eyes that stunned him for a moment. He gently pulled her back towards him, words stuck on his lips. Words he had planned so well the night before were now lost. He wanted to tell her his plan, to tell her that he loved her and didn’t want anything to happen to her, but he could think of nothing to say.

“Did you need something?� she asked quietly, before turning to go back to the common room.

“I, uh… Well, yes,� Sirius said, pulling her towards him again. She waited for him to speak again. “Remus told me what really happened…� He was cautious, and waited a moment to make sure it was okay for him to continue. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t walk around alone anymore. If it could happen to Nell, then it could—� but Addie cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

“I’m not a child, Sirius,� she said, venom in her words.

“I know that, Addie, but neither was Nell and I can’t stand the thought of you being hurt.� She looked away from him angrily and crossed her arms. “Addie,� he said, “Just let me walk you to classes. What could it hurt? I’d feel better AND you’d get to see me more often. That’s not such a tragedy, is it?� He thought he saw a slight smirk play at the corner of her mouth, but she was trying to be angry and he understood her hiding a smile. Without glancing back at him, Addie turned to leave, but he called after her. “Addie…�

“What,� she grumbled at him.

Three words caught in his throat as he stumbled to find his voice. Finally, as Addie began to tap her foot out of impatience, Sirius sighed. “I’ll catch you later.�

~*~*~*~*~*~

Over the next few days, Addie seemed to be avoiding Sirius whenever he showed up to walk her to class. She’d rush out of classes before he got there. Once she even hid behind the door thinking Sirius hadn’t noticed her. He let her believe she got away with it and eventually stopped showing up outside of her classes. Instead, he let her believe that she had won. At the same time, he’d watch her walk to class on the Marauder’s Map, just to be sure she was safe.

The only thing Sirius didn’t like was how Addie didn’t seem to be cheering up at all. He didn’t expect her to be perfect and happy again yet, but she didn’t even smile nowadays.

For days, Sirius planned how he could make his girl smile. He wanted to do something special and romantic. He wanted things to be perfect. A stroll around the lake at night in the moonlight was what he finally decided upon. He’d tell her he loves her and he could see her beautiful smile again.

He waited until Saturday night until he would carry his plan out. He watched through his dormitory window as the sun slowly crept down in the sky. As soon as the sun touched the horizon, Sirius waved his wand creating some beautiful flowers for Addie. He pulled out his map and looked for Addie so he could go meet her. He found her walking back towards her common room and hurried out to go meet her. He watched her dot closely to make sure that was where she was actually headed. The smile on his face faded as he noticed that not too far ahead of Addie, the dot labeled Severus Snape was lurking around a corner. He quickened his pace and watched the map anxiously.

He calmed down for just a moment as she walked past him and still Snape did not move. It was only when Addie was a few paces past him that Snape began to follow her. Sirius’ heart sunk and he shoved the map in his robe and began to run towards Addie and Snape. He couldn’t believe this was happening and prayed that he was just overreacting.

The corridor became empty and his footsteps echoed in the hall, but he skidded to a halt at the distant sound of voices. He dropped the flowers to the ground and pulled out his wand, slowly moving forward and ready to fight.

The voices became clearer, they were Snape and Addie’s, but he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying just yet. He caught a couple words, but none that made sense. He moved slowly closer until…

“I don’t want to hear it, Sev.� It was Addie. Sirius wondered about her calling him Sev, but ignored it when she spoke again. “I told you before; there is no apology you can make to me. I don’t know how I could have trusted you.�

“But you can trust me, Adrienne. I would never hurt you.�

“Don’t you get it?� Addie said, her voice strained, “You HAVE hurt me. You hurt my best friend and now she’s gone. How could I ever have believed you over her? How could you ever do that to anyone? Don’t ever talk to me again, Severus. You crossed a line and things can never go back to the way they were.�

Sirius’ fingers tightened around his wand. ‘The way things were?’ he thought.

“Adrienne, you don’t understand. I couldn’t control it. When she took you away from me… I just lost it. I lost control.�

“And you think that is any excuse? You ‘lost it?’� there was a sting in her voice that even Sirius could feel. He wanted to jump around the corner and end this conversation, but he was glued where he stood. He couldn’t figure out where this was going, how things were before.

“You could have killed her, Sev. Sirius is a great guy, and I cheated on him to be with you and you repay me by nearly killing my best friend.�

Sirius’ breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened. Addie had cheated? To be with Snape? Vile, disgusting, wretched Snape. Snape who had destroyed Remus’ love? Snape who had nearly killed Nell. Snape.

Sirius couldn’t move. His mind was wiped blank of all else but hurt. So much for telling Addie he loved her. His heart was shattered and he was not sure that he was even feeling anymore. There was more talking, but he couldn’t hear past the ringing in his ear. He could do nothing but stare into the empty corridor in front of him.

The voices stopped and Addie turned the corner, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight of Sirius, pale and broken before her.

“Sirius,� she said in a near whisper.

“I brought those for you,� he said harshly, pointing to the flowers that lay in a heap on the floor behind him. She glanced at them, then glanced back at Sirius with a hurt expression written on her face.

“Sirius I can explain,� she cried as Sirius turned and stomped back down the corridor, away from her, away from Snape, away from every bit of the disaster his life had just become. He did not stop walking even when he was back among the crowd of friendly faces making their way back to their common rooms and down to dinner.

Sirius walked, fists clenched, all the way out of the doors to Hogwarts and into the brisk evening air of deceitful moonlight.

Sirius sat in the blackness, leaning against the rickety wall with his head in his hands. The room almost looked how he felt, broken and silent, but not completely like him. A room could not feel betrayed, and a room could not feel pain; but it could be cold and alone, and that was close enough.

The shrieking shack had known the wrath of a werewolf and seen destruction of everything inside, but it had not known the rage that poured from Sirius, rolling down his cheeks in hot streams of tears.

He was going to tell her he loved her. She betrayed him and broke him.

He wanted so desperately to hate her. He wanted to say he was a fool to have trusted her and she was gone from his mind, but even the idea was positively impossible. His mind reeled as he sat in the dark, a fine layer of dust swirling around his feet, disturbed by the wind seeping through the cracks in the walls and the gentle sway of the very foundation of the house.

Why did anyone bother to fall in love? What’s the point if the only reward is to be destroyed by the one person you hold above all others? He clenched his fist, angry at himself for letting her enchant him the way she had, but at the back of his mind, he knew that those in love had no choice to be so.

His agonized tears fell like rain to the splintered floor beneath him. His whole world had imploded and his broken heart could hold no more tears. All his pain, anger, devastation, and lost love poured from his eyes.

His fists clenched so tightly that his nails bit into his palms, but that was not what mattered. Sirius didn’t even spare the twinge of pain a moment’s thought. He could not wrap his mind around the thought that he didn’t see the deception that was right in front of him. Her eyes glittered with light whenever she saw him, how could you fake such light, such happiness? His mind ran through the past six months. They were the happiest months of his life, but where had he gone wrong?

He thought of the first time he saw her, a beautiful brunette with such life in her eyes. She only got more beautiful day after day. She seemed so happy when he finally asked her to date him. And the funny thing is, he had never been so happy either. He’d dated before, but never like this.

How could joy be so deceitful? Could you fake a blush?

How could it be that every moment she had spent with him was a lie? But how could it not have been? How could anyone care about both him and Snivellus? Stupid Snape. Sirius couldn’t keep a grimace off of his face as he played the scene over and over again in his head. The sound of Snape calling Addie by name made him sick to his stomach.

All those smiles were fake. The perfect dates were pointless, and every time he had held her, he may as well have held a suit of armor. At least the suit of armor would never have thrown his love in his face.

He physically felt like he had been hit by a truck. His body ached with misery. He felt as though there was a brick on his chest, restricting his breath and crushing his heart until all the life was drained from him.

He wondered why he even loved her. For ages she’d been distant… and all that time he had thought it was because of Nell, but no. It was all because of Snape. He had ignored it; brushed it off. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have fallen for her beautiful smile and her adorable laugh, her kind heart, her carefree attitude? It was just that, though. He fell for her because of everything that now seemed like a mask.

How long had this been going on for right under his nose? A week? A month? The thought of him having to share Addie’s heart with Snape made him sick. She was too good for a rat like him… But then again, maybe they were perfect for one another; he a demon and she the queen of deception.

He felt restless and couldn’t manage sitting in one spot any longer. He pushed himself up off the ground and began pacing the room, his fingers locked behind his head since he didn’t know what else to do with them. His movement stirred the dust from the floor, filling the air like smoke, making the air harder to breathe and leaving a foul taste in his mouth. It only added to his aggravation and his agony turned to anger. His fingers grasped at his hair and he closed his eyes tight, desperately trying to forget Addie and all the pain she had brought him.

After all he’d done to keep her safe from Snape… He’d watched her on the map day after day for weeks just to keep her safe. A lot of good that did. How can he keep her safe from the person she wanted to be with?

Sirius let out a disgusted groan as his thoughts wandered to Nell. Her best friend. Addie must have known. Must have known what he had done. She… she did know. She had said it herself to Snape just today. She had known exactly what he had done. She willingly sought after the guy who singlehandedly destroyed her best friend’s life. The guy who nearly killed her… and she was sneaking away to be with him. His pacing grew faster and faster as anger boiled up in his chest. He would explode soon, he wanted out; he wanted to scream and to run.

God, she had known all of it… how could you lo… he wouldn’t allow himself to think it. She did not love Snape. Snape has hurt too many people. How could anyone love him? He hurt Sirius, he hurt Nell; and when he hurt Nell, he hurt Remus. He would never forgive Snape for that. Nor Addie. Remus was his best friend and didn’t deserve the hurt that he got. No one deserved the hurt that they were all dealt because of one damned evil boy and the cheating whore who chose a beast over her best friend.

All of this is Snape’s fault. Well, not all of it… It’s Addie’s fault too. Remus even said so. He had told Sirius that Addie was lying… but he ignored it because he was more concerned about Nell. He hadn’t understood what he meant when he had blamed it on Addie… But he could see it now; Remus had told him that it was all Addie’s fault…

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes flying open wide and his jaw dropped, though his breath caught in his throat. His heart skipped a beat as his arms fell limply to his side. The only thing that moved was the dust slowly drifting back towards the floor in the silence.

Remus knew. His shock quickly turned to anger and his fists clenched. Every muscle in his body tightened and his mind screamed with rage, a fire before his eyes. He couldn’t handle it anymore and he closed his eyes and let out a scream. He did all he could to drain every emotion-every feeling from his body, but even after he was gasping for breath, the yell hadn’t even scratched the surface of his misery.

He turned to the nearest thing to him, a small table leaning to one side because it was missing a leg, and kicked it. The wood splintered easily and flew in every direction. The release felt good, and only fired Sirius up even more. He grabbed at another table and hurled it across the room. It collided with the opposite wall, shattering and causing the ancient walls to groan in protest.

Sirius made a grab at the standing lamp in the corner but stopped when he heard the noise of a door squeak outside of the room. He put the lamp down quietly and waited for another sign of an intruder. He waited while slowly the door to the room cracked open.

“Sirius?� he heard as Remus’ face appeared in the doorway.

Sirius’ rage returned full blow and the only thing he could think to do was to explode with anger, and he very nearly did. He suddenly shifted into the form of a beastly black dog, vicious and rasping barks burst from between his massive jaws. Remus’ eyes widened and just as Sirius pounced at the door, Remus turned and slammed it shut. Sirius collided with the door, but the quick ache barely fazed him. Nothing could distract him from all the feelings that practically seeped through every pore of his body.

A low growl was constantly rolling from his throat as he stared at the worn door. “Sirius, please,� Remus begged. Sirius would show him no mercy. Not now. Not while he was still burning from the poison that Addie had injected into his very core. Remus had now played a part of that. His growl only grew louder.

“Sirius, please let me in. I was worried about you. Addie tol—� But Remus did not finish his sentence. As soon as Addie’s name had passed through his lips, Sirius’ fierce barks pierced the air, ending with a vicious snarl.

“Sirius, not like this. Just… let’s just talk…� The growling coming from the dog slowed, though the fur on his back still stood on end, until he shifted back into the form of the miserable boy he had been a moment ago. His whole body shook with anger as he slowly backed away against the wall, distancing himself from Remus who stood just behind the door.

He watched with a venomous glare as the door slowly swung open and crashed against the wall, erupting a cloud of dust into the air. Remus stood hesitantly in the doorway, waiting for Sirius to make the first move or speak the first word. He didn’t want to overstep his boundaries.
“You knew,� was all that Sirius could manage to say. Remus looked as though he was considering denial, but eventually sighed and nodded at his friend.

“Thanks for the heads up, pal. So glad you told me that Addie was cheating.� There was a biting tremor in Sirius’ voice that was nearly as frightening as the vicious howls of the hound that had only just stood before Remus.

“Sirius, I… I couldn’t… I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to hurt you.�

“You’re right, Remus,� Sirius said, pushing off the wall and slowly stepping towards Remus as a lion would its prey, “This feels SO much better; betrayed by the girl I love and my best friend all in the same breath.�

Remus’ features portrayed his hurt, obviously distraught by the situation as well, but the expression on Remus’ face almost managed to make Sirius even angrier. Remus had no idea what this felt like. What right did he have to feel hurt? He was at least in control of the situation he’d landed in. Sirius was just stuck between a rock and a flame and he was being burned to death.

Remus stammered over his words. “I wasn’t trying to betray you. I didn’t mean for you to ever find out about it. Addie had stopped talking to him… as soon as she found out about what happened over the summer months. As far as I know, she hadn’t spoken a word to him in months. I was hoping this would all just blow over and you could avoid all the pain you’re feeling now.�

“So it’s okay that my girlfriend is a liar and a cheat as long as I never found out about it, then? So glad to have you looking out for my well being.� Sirius was still slowly advancing towards Remus and the door, not wanting to be stuck in a room with anyone just then.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that… I hadn’t thought of it much at all, to be honest. I hadn’t realized how much you cared for her… I was hoping she was like the others.�

By his time, Sirius had reached the door and Remus. He stood right near him and gave Remus one more lethal glare before pushing past him through the doorway. He muttered, “Me too,� before he left the Shrieking Shack with his head hanging low and his feet dragging through the dirt down the passage that led him away from Remus and back to the school.

Everything had changed. Everything.

He wasn’t even the same person anymore. His world was torn apart. He had let himself love, and all it had brought him was pain. Now he had become just another miserable teen, walking the corridors from class to class staring at his shoes.

Days and days passed, but they were just exes on the calendar. He felt empty and he didn’t know what he could do to help it. Normally he’d rely on his friends in these times, or maybe even Addie, but that was all gone. Addie was… well, they didn’t speak, to put it kindly.

Even the Marauders were changed. He could barely look at Remus for his feelings of betrayal. James and Peter sensed it. Peter was never much help, he was always the quiet one unless the others needed a chorus of approving laughter. James did what he could, though. For the first few days, he tried to lighten the mood, but after countless times of being the only one laughing, he gave up. Remus was in a world of his own mourning as well, and James had no idea how to help, especially since he didn’t even know the whole story.

He knew that Nell left, but not why. He had guessed many reasons, ranging from illness to finding out about Remus and his ‘furry little problem,’ but nothing close to the real reason. He also knew that Addie cheated, but Sirius had refused to say with whom. The thought was enough to make his stomach churn, and he saw no need to give specifics.

Because of everything, Sirius felt like little more than a bitter shell. Lessons went in one ear and out the other, the Marauders were silent at meals, and his heart still ached for the girl he loved.

The silence was not all because he had nothing to say. He had so much to say. Yelling at Remus hadn’t made it better. He wished he could just move on, but it seemed so impossible. What’s worse is he wanted to yell at Addie, and even more, he wanted to get back at Snape. He didn’t just want it, he needed it. It consumed him.

He thought every day, every moment, how redeeming it would feel if Snape knew how he felt. It would be so… perfect if Snape could even glimpse the pain he had caused so many people. The slimy git deserved pain. Sirius lay awake night after night, tormenting over the trouble that Snape had caused all of his friends. What had any of them done to deserve what they had gotten? Nothing. But Sirius would make sure that Snape would get what he deserved. He wasn’t sure how, but he would find a way; if not for himself, then for Nell.

It had been two weeks since he and Addie had spoken, and even longer since he had really spoken with Remus. Remus had hardly spoken in the month since Nell left. Things naturally got even quieter since their fight in the Shrieking Shack.

The silence grew thicker as the days passed. Everyone seemed on edge, even James and Peter. Everyone just missed the joy they had in their best friends. James had been spending more time with Lily lately, and Sirius didn’t blame him. Snape had taken everything from him now. He had always been a git, but now he had taken Addie and even his friends from him.

Sirius was sitting in silence in the library, enjoying the ringing in the air. He had taken to the library because silence in the library was normal. It made him feel like things were still the way they had been a month ago. But even then, two weeks ago Sirius wouldn’t be caught dead in the library, so even that was abnormal. On the bright side, he’d been getting perfect marks for weeks. There was plenty of time for homework with no friends and no sleep.

Sirius sat back and closed his charms book after an hour or so of staring at his homework without much progress. His mind continuously wandered to other things; more important things. He thought nearly anything was more important than charms on that particular day. He leaned his chair back onto two legs so he could stretch. It was too late that he realized the mistake he had made in doing so. “Mr. Black!� came Madame Pince’s shrill cry of disapproval from behind a nearby stack. Sirius lazily lowered the chair down onto four legs, collected his things, and trudged out of the library while Madame Pince glared at him the whole time.

Sirius watched his feet, scuffing his heels on every step as he walked through the castle doors and headed out towards the lake. He fancied the thought of a walk alone in the early afternoon sun. As he drew nearer to the water, he raised his gaze and regretted his extended observation of his feet as he walked. When he looked up, his eyes fell on a familiar pair of shoes stretched out just a few meters in front of him. Remus was perched against his favorite tree, twisting a few blades of grass between his fingers with an open book lying untouched in his lap.

Remus stopped dead in his tracks and quickly changed directions, heading away from Remus hoping that he had not noticed. Avoiding Remus made barely speaking easier and less awkward. There was no luck, though, because after only a few more steps, Sirius heard Remus call his name. Sirius sighed and turned to face his friend. He couldn’t ignore Remus. Just because he himself was too stubborn and hurt to apologize, it didn’t give him grounds to be rude.

Remus wasted no time with small talk, for he did not care at all for the little squabble between the two of them. He walked directly up to Sirius with a severe look on his face. “You do know what tonight is, right?�

Sirius only stared blankly at Remus. How was he supposed to know what tonight was? He had barely had communication with anyone in two weeks.

“I should stress, night,� Remus clarified for Sirius.

He understood immediately. “Full moon,� muttered Sirius, distracted by his new thoughts. Remus nodded expectantly. Sirius had completely forgotten Remus’ “furry little problem� lately, too wrapped up in his own thoughts. He had not considered how this altercation would change things. He frowned; thinking of the great adventures him and his friends had, and slowly shook his head. “Tomorrow is not good for me.�

“Oh,� Remus said, looking stunned, “Well in that case, I’ll put it off until Monday. We can just ask the moon to wait a few nights.�

Sirius did not like the sarcastic tone, but did not blame Remus. This was a big deal for him. Sirius knew that, but still there was a part of him telling him that he shouldn’t spend a night with the wolf any time soon. “I’m sorry, Remus, I’m just not feeling up to it. I’m not myself…�

“That’s crap and you know it,� Remus said, anger now apparent in his voice and face. “You’re being unreasonable, Sirius. This has gone too far.�

“What do you need me for anyway?� Sirius mumbled, regretting having said it the moment it slipped through his lips. He knew why.

“James and Peter can’t handle the wolf alone. They’ll have to keep me inside. I’ll tear myself apart… you know I do when I’m trapped after months of roaming free. You can’t do this, Sirius. Quit being so selfish. You’re not the only one who’s been hurt.�

Remus had hit a nerve. “If this is your idea of buttering me up to persuade me to go, you’re doing a miserable job. I said I can’t do it, so I can’t. That’s it,� he asserted before turning and stalking away, leaving his friend standing like a statue, a hurt and furious look etched into the lines in his face.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sirius nearly hated himself for what he had just done. Remus was right, he was being selfish. But how could he go out with a werewolf while he’s feeling like this? He’s never attentive anymore and he can barely control his own anger sometimes, much less the anger of a wolf. Besides, Remus had done this before. He’s had years of experience of being locked up… and Madame Pomfrey always does a great job of healing him…

But Remus didn’t deserve to be alone in this, and Sirius knew that. No one deserved that. No one even deserved the transformation into a wolf. Remus was mourning too. Perhaps he should go out, even if just for Remus. It could count for an apology and things could go back to normal. Thoughts coursed through Sirius’ head, causing a dull pound that just increased his agitation. Everything was just so messed up.

And it was all Sanpe’s fault. It always came back to that. It always came back to him. If Snape had never existed, things would still be perfect. Nell would be there, and Addie would still be his. The halls of Hogwarts would be free of one more Slytherin that sullied the reputation of the school.

He wished there was something he could do. The common room was empty on such a beautiful day, and Sirius sat upside-down in the best armchair, his head dangling off the edge of the seat. The world looked more interesting when it was upside down. He didn’t even remember moving to sit upside-down, but when he realized how he was sitting, he nearly laughed out loud. He flipped around and sat sideways in the seat, legs flopped over the arm rest. Being back upright, the headache slowly faded, though so did his brief moment of bliss. His scowl returned with guilt, anger at himself for the way he was treating his friends. They deserved better than him.

His thoughts fell back to Remus, trapped in the Shrieking shack. He felt even worse when he remembered that he’d destroyed some of the furniture in the shack that the wolf would distract himself with rather than attacking his own body. Sirius groaned, way to make things even worse for Remus.

He could always just get him something else to chew on… but what? He could go to the Room of Requirement… The room would surely know what he needed. He could ask for something for a wolf to entertain himself with, and then bring whatever it is to the Shrieking Shack. Sirius settled on this decision, pretending that spending the night with Remus wasn’t even an option.

He pushed himself out of the chair and walked out of the common room, headed directly towards the Room of Requirement, thinking about what the room could possibly come up with for Remus to play with. He grinned at the thought of the wolf, slobbering on a giant hippogriff chew toy, or protectively licking an oversized bone. The image was so wonderful; he did everything he could to ignore the fact that the wolf is not so easily tamed.

The grin was wiped immediately from his face, as he passed through a group of Slytherins leaving a classroom. He bumped shoulders with a tall boy, who immediately turned around, wand pointed directly at Sirius. Severus Sanpe stood, scowling before him. Sirius moved for his wand, imagining the way he’d make Snape hurt, as though the Willow had gotten to him, rather than just a classmate. His hand stopped short and soon as the Whomping Willow passed through his mind. Why not let the Willow do the beating? Or better yet, a werewolf?

It would be perfect. It would mean revenge from every end of the spectrum. If Snape never got past the Whomping Willow, it would be revenge on Addie, who blamed Nell’s bruises on the Willow, let the very tree hurt the boy she’d chosen over Sirius. If he found his way to the Shrieking Shack, it would be his own revenge, showing Snape the physical pain to mirror the emotional torment he’d caused. And it would be the ultimate revenge for Remus: to be able to break Snape and hurt him for everything he’d done to Nell, and he wouldn’t be to blame, because the wolf can’t control its actions. A sinister smirk crept across his face as he lowered his hand.

Snape sneered, “Is there a problem, Black?�

“Yes,� Sirius replied, “Yes there is. But we can’t settle it here, Snivellus. Look around you. The halls are crowded and neither of us could do nearly the damage that we’d like.�

Snape’s lips curved into a sinister and crooked smile. “Oh, I could do plenty of damage very quickly, Black.� The huddle of Slytherins surrounding Snape snickered as though the comeback was far cleverer than it had been.

Sirius nearly rolled his eyes at the mindless followers that Snape had. “But wouldn’t it be so much better if you could do it without detention for the remainder of the year?�

Snape’s grin faltered and his looks grew more severe. Sirius’ grin, however, grew. He was buying the bait. “Beneath the Whomping Willow, there is a path. No one knows about it. We’d be untraceable and alone. All you have to do to get to the path is push the knot on the roots of the tree.�

“Tonight?� Snape asked, though it was more of a demand than a question.

“Ten o’clock.�

Snape nearly laughed, “I feel that you have no idea who you are dealing with, considering the desolate spot you’ve picked. You’re nearly signing your own death wish.�

“No Snape, I think it’s you who will be surprised at the wrath you’ve just stepped into.�

With that, Sirius pushed past the crowd and continued down the hall, bypassing the Room of Requirement entirely and took a stroll through the castle halls.