“Bloody hell!” exclaimed Remus Lupin one Saturday morning. He pulled his trunk out into the centre of the dormitory and began to pull books out left, right and centre.

Unused to their friend being so disorderly and swearing when it wasn’t a full moon, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew stopped what they were doing (looking through a Quidditch magazine and trying to balance a Butterbeer cork on his nose, respectively) and moved towards him.

“What’s up, Moony?” James asked.

“Bloody Padfoot!” replied Remus. “That’s what’s up.” He continued to rummage through his trunk as James and Peter leant over him.

“What’s he done now?” Peter asked sympathetically, although both he and James were trying not to laugh.

Remus straightened up. “Can you see a T-shirt in there? Can you see any T-shirts in there at all?” James smothered a laugh and Peter turned away. “It’s not funny,” Remus snarled. “I’m sick of you lot borrowing my things and not...” He stopped as the source of his annoyance burst through the door, singing,

“Hot legs, wearing me out.
Hot legs, you can scream and shout.
Hot legs, are you still in school?
I love you, honey!”

“AND NOT RETURNING THEM!” shouted Remus, to drown out the noise of Sirius’ singing.

“Hey, what’s the joke?” Sirius said as he surveyed the scene. James was smirking, Peter was stuffing his fist in his mouth, and Remus was looking distinctly frosty.

“No joke, Padfoot,” Remus said through gritted teeth. “I want my T-shirt.”

“T-shirt? What T-shirt, Moony, my old mate?”

“STOP IT!” shouted Remus, and he stood up coming face-to-face with Sirius. “I want my T-shirt back.”

“Which one?”

“You know very well which one �“ the one my mum sent me for my birthday. The one I haven’t worn yet. The one I was saving for this Hogsmeade weekend, and the one you have been casting covetous eyes on ever since you saw me unwrap it!” exploded Remus.

“Oh,” said Sirius as James and Peter began to cry with laughter. “Do you mean this one?” He pulled his jumper off and there for all to see was Remus’ new T-shirt, emblazoned with a Union Jack. He laughed. “Aww, come on, Moony. I’ve got a date, and you know how much I love your mum’s taste in clothes. Please, please, pretty please.”

“NO! I wanted to wear it today. It’s MINE!” Remus felt himself losing his cool. Perhaps it was stupid to get so uptight about a T-shirt but Padfoot... good Godric, he really took the mick sometimes. It wasn’t often that he had the chance to outshine his friends, but when it came to clothes, having a Muggle for a mum helped. Remus’ mum was young enough to realise that clothes mattered to a teenager, so, when she could, she’d take a trip into London, go to the market in Petticoat Lane, and buy her son some fashionable clothes. Unfortunately, his friends had realised, before he had, that Muggle clothes �“ fashionable Muggle clothes-- were acutely admired by the witch community.

“Aww, Moony, I can’t change now. I’ll be late for the lovely Carla,” Sirius replied. With that, he ran out of the room singing,

“Hot legs, you're an alley cat.
Hot legs, you scratch my back.”

“Bloody Padfoot!” muttered Remus, acutely aware that James and Peter found the whole episode hilarious.

***

Carla Fenwick was sitting in the Gryffindor common room when she heard the sound of her boyfriend’s voice. When she’d first started seeing Sirius, she’d thought it very funny how he burst into song at odd moments, but now, a month later, she had to admit it was quite tiresome. For one thing, he couldn’t actually sing very well and seemed to think the best way to hold a tune was just to belt it out. And he only sang Muggle songs, claiming they were far better than any wizard tunes.

“Hey, alley cat,” he said as he approached her. “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” she replied, accepting his kiss and returning with one of her own. “I’ve been ready for the past half hour.”

Sirius ignored the frown on her face and put his arm around her waist. “Sorry, Carla. It’s Moony. He takes forever in the shower.”

Carla looked at him dubiously. Remus Lupin was the last person she expected to take a long time getting ready �“ still, she didn’t want the date to start on a bad note, especially as it was her birthday.

“So, where are you taking me?” she asked.

“Oh... um... I hadn’t really thought,” Sirius replied as they walked through the door.

Carla frowned again. Their first date had been a dream. Sirius had asked her out on Valentine’s Day, but instead of taking her to Madam Puddifoots (which he’d declared a cliché), he had broken into one of the Herbology greenhouses and laid on a picnic for her. The flowers had been blooming, the Venomous Tentacular had been stilled by Sirius’ body-bind spell and he had strewn a rug with petals. She’d been touched that he’d discovered her fondness for chocolate-dipped cherries and had fed them to her as they sat together. Had that been a one-off? she thought.

“Three Broomsticks?” Sirius suggested, oblivious to her brooding.

The Three Broomsticks, she thought. How unoriginal! How boring. How... hold on, perhaps this is a wind-up and he’s planning something really amazing. Carla looked up at him and smiled. “Anywhere would be fabulous, Sirius,” she said. “As long as it’s just you and me.”

Feeling more cheerful, Carla started humming the tune to the song Sirius had been singing. He joined in supplying the lyrics.

“Hot legs, in your satin shoes.
Hot legs, are you still in school?”

His singing’s not that bad, really, she thought cheerfully.

***

Sirius wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with Carla. She was sitting across the table looking sulky. He stretched out one of his legs to rub against her ankle, but she tucked hers under her chair and glared at him. So instead, he reached over and picked up her hand.

“Ahh, sweet, Padfoot’s getting all romantic,” cooed James as he returned to the table bearing a tray of drinks. Instantly Sirius dropped her hand and turned to help him with the drinks.

“There you go,” he said as he placed a Butterbeer in front of her. She muttered something under her breath. “A ‘thank you’ would be nice,” Sirius reproved.

“For what exactly?” Carla asked, raising her voice so the other occupants of the table could hear her. “For a Butterbeer that I gave you the money for? Should I be thanking you for allowing me the privilege of supplying you with Firewhisky all afternoon? Or perhaps I should be thanking my wonderful boyfriend for the fabulous time I’m having stuck on the end of a table whilst he talks to his mates?”

“I thought you liked them!” Sirius protested.

“Oh, I like them,” Carla replied tetchily. “I’m just not sure I like you very much at the moment.”

“Wh-what have I done wrong?” Sirius said in amazement.

“It’s my birthday, you louse. I’m sixteen today and I thought you might have treated me to something a bit more special than a few drinks in the pub with your mates �“ especially as I seem to be the one buying all the drinks!”

“Oh, shit, Carla,” Sirius said, sounding genuinely remorseful. “I really had no idea.” He walked over to her, crouched down and put his arms around her. Carla did not return the embrace.

“Come on,” he whispered in her ear. “I am sorry. Let’s finish these drinks and then take a lazy walk back to Hogwarts �“ just the two of us.”

Grudgingly, Carla relented and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Okay,” she said. “I guess it’s not your fault if you didn’t know it was my birthday.”

Sirius held her hand and they finished their drinks, smiling at each other despite James and Peter making faces behind their backs. Then, when Carla took herself off to the ‘Little Witches Room’ to freshen up, Sirius leant back in his chair and smiled.

“Padfoot, I swear you get more devious every day,” exclaimed Remus.

“What do you mean, Moony?” Sirius replied, raising an eyebrow.

“You know it’s her birthday. You’ve been scrounging money off us all week because you wanted to ‘buy her something special’,” Remus said. “So what have you bought her? It had better be good.”

“Ah,” replied Sirius and then he began to laugh. “Actually, I was going to get her a necklace but then...” He smirked. “I saw this fantastic pair of headlamps that I wanted for the bike and so...”

“YOU WHAT!” screeched Carla, who was standing right behind him. “YOU KNEW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND YET YOU... YOU...AGHHHH!” Incandescent with rage, Carla began brandishing her wand.

“Not in here, love,” Rosmerta said quickly as she grabbed the girl’s wand.

Deprived of a suitably nasty revenge, Carla picked up a glass of honey mead from the table beside her and threw it over Sirius’ head. It dripped down his face and onto his shirt �“ or rather Remus’ shirt �“ staining the Union Jack purple.

“Just so you know, BLACK,” she yelled in his face. “Mead is hellishly hard to get out of clothes.”

As Carla stormed out, Sirius started to sing,

“Hot legs, you're wearing me out.
Hot legs, you can scream and shout.
Hot legs, you're still in school.
I love you honey.”

“And stop singing that bloody song!” Carla screeched as she slammed the pub door.

“Ah, Moony, I don’t think I’ll be borrowing this shirt again,” Sirius said, laughing as the mead dripped all around him.

Remus gritted his teeth. His new shirt, ruined before he’d had a chance to wear it.

***

“And then I heard the git telling his friends that he’d spent all the money he’d borrowed off them on a pair of headlamps and not a present for me!” Carla was regaling her friends with the nitty-gritty of her disastrous date. Remus, standing in the doorway, watched as her hand gestures got more extravagant and her facial expressions more animated as she gave them a blow-by-blow account. He was puzzled that she seemed to be enjoying the discussion; he was sure that had this happened to him he’d be unwilling to talk about it to anyone. Girls, he decided, are definitely strange.

And Carla’s friends were a bit strange too. Two had black hair (one being Carla) and two had blonde, almost white, hair. He was sure their hair hadn’t been that colour before Christmas. Hmm, he thought as the germ of an idea began to sprout. He walked over to them.

“Ladies,” he said. “How would you like to help me get revenge on Mr Black?”

Carla looked at Remus through narrowed eyes. “Does this involve hexing his headlamps to where the sun doesn’t shine?”

Remus looked startled at the vehemence in her words.

“Not exactly. I was thinking more of something that will make him look a prat in front of the whole school,” he said, smiling nervously.

“Why?” said the other black-haired girl sitting next to Carla. Remus looked at her. He was fairly sure she’d had brown hair last term. It had been quite a pretty shade of brown, he mused, wondering why girls took it into their heads to change everything about themselves.

“Well, you’ve all noticed his T-shirts, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” replied one of the blonde girls, who he thought was called Amanda, “they’re cool.”

“They’re also mine,” Remus explained. “And I’m sick to the back teeth of him borrowing them before I’ve even had a chance to wear them. So... I was wondering...”

“If we’d help you,” the other black-haired girl stated. “Why, us though? I mean, surely you have enough expertise to mastermind your own prank. Why do you need us?”

“It’s like this... err, sorry, I don’t know your name...” he said to her, reddening slightly.

“Oh, it’s Sarah. And these two are Catherine and Amanda,” she said, indicating the two blonde girls.

“Okay, Sarah,” he said as he looked at her. “It’s like this. Sirius is inordinately proud of two things. One is his bike.” The girls nodded. “Unfortunately, he keeps that very well protected in the Muggle Studies classroom, so we don’t have a hope in Helga of getting close to that. The other, however, is ...” He paused, hoping this would sound dramatic, “his hair!”

Carla looked at Remus and slowly her face split into a smile. “Glory, yes, he adores his hair.” She looked at her friends; they all grinned at her. “Tell us what you need, Remus.”

“Your hair,” he said simply. The four girls looked at him, sharply.

“I’m not chopping my hair off, if that’s what you want,” Amanda protested. “Sorry, Carla, I know you want to get your own back, but...” She swept her hair over her shoulders and stared at Remus.

“No,” he said, smiling slightly. “Sorry, I should have explained. It’s not your actual hair I want, it’s just that I’ve noticed, since Christmas, that your hair has changed colour. You, Sarah, used to have brown hair and...” Remus looked at them all. He wasn’t totally sure what colour hair they’d all had before, “you all seem to have changed hair colour, and I wondered how you’d done it.”

“Hmmm,” Carla said, “that would be down to Sarah �“ our potion-maker extraordinaire! But Remus, changing his hair colour is a bit tame, don’t you think?”

“That’s only phase one, Carla,” Remus replied.

***

The following day Remus got up early and crept out of the dorm to meet up with Sarah. She was carrying her small cauldron which was laden with dried potion ingredients and a bottle of something purple.

“Where are we going?” he asked her as they left Gryffindor Tower.

“There’s a small hut on the edge of the Forbidden Forest,” she replied. “It’s where I brew anything slightly... um... illegal.”

Remus smiled; he knew the hut very well because it was where they’d celebrated Peter’s eighteenth birthday with Firewhisky. “Hold on,” he said, suddenly thinking over her words. “Is this hair potion illegal?”

“Oh,” replied Sarah, and he noticed she was flushing slightly, “no, this potion isn’t illegal, exactly. It’s just that Slughorn doesn’t really like us making potions for, as he says, ‘beautification purposes’.” She snorted.

“So how have you explained the hair-colour change?” Remus asked.

“It’s only me and Catherine that have changed colour. Carla has always had black hair and Amanda blonde. Professor McGonagall was quite annoyed, shall we say, but we haven’t actually broken any school rules because our hair is still normal hair colour.”

He gave her a sideways glance, noticing that she was shivering slightly in the crisp March morning.

“Would you like my scarf?” he asked as he unwound it from his neck. “And let me take the cauldron from you. It looks heavy.”

“I can manage, you know,” she said slightly haughtily, “Besides, it’s a bit late. We’re nearly there.”

She sped up slightly as the hut came into sight. Remus followed behind, cursing himself for not carrying the cauldron before. Then he shook his head; he was here to plan a prank, not get a date.

Inside the hut, Sarah spread the ingredients out and began to talk, more to herself than to Remus. “This is borage. We need to tear the leaves, dried lacewing flies, essence of nasturtium, and ...” She stopped and looked at Remus who was crouched down opposite her. “What colour do you think? Red?”

“Merlin, no! He’d like that. How about Slytherin green?” Remus suggested.

Sarah laughed and he noticed her eyes lit up slightly when she was amused. Her eyes were brown like his, but seemed to have yellow flecks in them.

“Green it is,” Sarah replied, and she pulled out a small, very green dried caterpillar. She noticed him staring at her. “Are you okay?”

Remus shook his head. Get a grip, Moony, he thought. “Yes, sorry. I was wondering why you changed your hair colour, that’s all.”

She smiled slightly. “All Carla’s idea. We came back to school at Christmas and she had this idea about us becoming more... um... noticeable. So she devised this plan and ... well you’ve seen the results.”

“Why black and blonde? Why not all black, or all blonde, or all chestnut brown like yours was?” he asked, wondering sincerely what was going on in their minds.

Sarah started to tear up some borage leaves and throw them into the cauldron. Then she pulled out her wand, lit a small fire underneath and began to slowly add the purple liquid. “What do you think of when you see us together, Remus?”

Remus pictured the four girls as he’d seen them last night, huddled together, Sarah diagonally opposite Carla. “Oh,” he said at last and beamed. “A chess board.”

“Hmm, not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but you’re in the right area. We’re black and white, yes, like a Pierrot clown or a Harlequin. So we call ourselves the Harley-Queens. Carla must have mentioned it,” Sarah replied as she began to add the nasturtium essence.

“Oh,” Remus said. “We thought it was something to do with Sirius’ motor bike.” He leant over and peered into the cauldron. It was simmering slightly and turning a deep blue colour. He looked across at Sarah who was frowning in concentration. She added half a wing of a lacewing fly.

“We thought of the name before he got his bike,” she said ironically. “Or, rather Carla did. I did wonder at the time about the coincidence but...” She shrugged.

The potion was beginning to smell, Remus leant back and held a handkerchief over his nose. “How the hell do we get him to drink that? I doubt even honey mead will disguise the taste.”

“Don’t worry, the amount needed is so slight, he won’t taste it,” she said as she stirred the concoction.

“What about phase two of the plan?” Remus asked as he watched the potion begin to spit. “I can handle the charm, but I’m not sure about the bait.”

“For that, Remus, you need an artist,” Sarah told him. “Amanda’s your witch.”

***

Amanda was sitting at one of the desks in Professor McGonagall’s classroom when Remus found her. She had laid out a selection of paints and some brushes. “You brought it?”

Remus pulled out a plain black T-shirt from under his cloak. “It’s very old and tatty. Does that matter?”

Amanda looked at him scornfully. “I thought having a Muggle mother you’d be more aware of Muggle fashions. It’s nineteen-seventy-eight, and tatty clothes are extremely cool.” She grabbed the shirt from his hands and, picking up her wand muttered a quick severing charm. One sleeve came off. She performed the same spell on the other side and was soon holding what looked to Remus like an old rag. “Perfect!” she said, and then opened her paints.

Remus watched as she sketched out with a crayon the outline of a motorbike and then began to fill it in with paints.

“This is a special paint,” she said as she saw him watching with a puzzled look on his face. “It won’t wash off, or crack, or fade. It’s my own mix and it should enhance any charm you put on it.”

Remus looked around the room as Amanda worked. “Are we allowed in here?”

Amanda snorted. “Since when have any of you asked for permission to go anywhere?” She carried on working and then said, “Professor McGonagall knows I’m in here. I told her I needed to practise Transfiguration and that you’d kindly offered to help me.”

“Wh-what did she say to that?” Remus asked in horror.

Amanda looked up from the shirt and grinned at him. “She seemed quite surprised, actually. But pleased as well. Perhaps she thinks prefects should stick together?” Her slightly suggestive tone unnerved him. Remus swallowed and edged towards the door. Amanda laughed. “I’m teasing. Boy, for a Marauder you’re really easy to wind up.”

There was a long silence as she concentrated on the painting then, when she’d finished, she sat up and smiled, obviously pleased with her handiwork. “Just out of interest, how are you going to get Sirius to wear this?”

Remus grinned at her. “That’s easy, I’ll get an owl to deliver it and I’ll pretend it’s from my mum. Then, I’ll be very secretive about it and Sirius won’t be able to resist searching through my trunk.” He examined the finished T-shirt. “That is brilliant, Amanda. Even if he knew the shirt was cursed, Sirius Black would not be able stop himself.”

“Which owl?” Amanda asked.

“A school one, I think, or James’, perhaps,” replied Remus.

“Well, that’s stupid!” she declared. “Sirius will see you coming a mile off. For a start he’ll know it’s not your parents’ owl and he’ll recognise the school owls or James’, so he’ll know it’s a set-up �“ especially as April Fool’s Day is nearly on us. It has to be an owl he’s unfamiliar with.”

“Damn! I hadn’t thought of that. Any suggestions?” he asked her hopefully.

“I’m sure if you ask Catherine very nicely, she’ll let you use Rochester.”

***

“Where is Moony?” James asked later that Sunday as he sat in the common room trying to finish his Charms essay. “He hasn’t been around all day.”

Lily, who was sitting next to him reading a magazine, looked around the room. “Perhaps he’s with Peter in the library? Didn’t you say he had some work to finish?”

“No, Moony’s finished his. I remember being annoyed because he wouldn’t let me borrow his notes,” mused James as he rubbed his eyes.

“By borrow, you mean copy, I expect,” laughed Lily. “Honestly, you three take advantage of his good nature.”

“Talking about me again, Lily,” Sirius said as he walked into the room with Carla seemingly glued to his side.

“Wow! Carla, you’ve forgiven him already,” said James in surprise.

Carla smiled a little goofily at Sirius, who gave her waist a squeeze. They settled themselves into an armchair and began to kiss.

Hmm, thought Lily suspiciously as she assessed the younger girl. Whatever she’s planning, I hope it’s good.

***

Remus was in the Owlery with Catherine, who was introducing him to Rochester.

“Isn’t he just adorable?” she said proudly, feeding the bird grapes and stroking its beak. Adorable was not the word Remus would have used. Scruffy-- perhaps? Belligerent-- definitely. Adorable �“ no. Rochester looked as if he’d peck Remus to pieces if he went near him.

“Will he let me attach the parcel to him?” he asked nervously. “He looks as if he’d rather I wasn’t here.”

Catherine finished stroking Rochester’s head and lifted him back on his perch. “Perhaps I should be here when you give him the packet. I suppose he might not take instructions from you.”

“Why are you helping me?” Remus asked. “I mean, apart from Carla, none of you know me.”

Catherine stared at him and he found her gaze quite unnerving. “It’s simple, really. Sirius upset Carla and despite the front she puts on, she really was hurt so...”

“You stick together,” finished Remus with a note of approval in his voice.

“Yep! Harley-Queens first, Gryffindors second, witches third.”

“Marauders ‘till we die,” murmured Remus in reply. “Now I have to think of a way to distract him when we spike the drink.”

Catherine made a noise in her throat that Remus could only describe as a ‘scoff’. “I think Carla can handle that,” she said. “She’s already convinced him that he’s forgiven.”

***

Remus wandered back to the common room with the shirt hidden under his robes. He was about to give the Fat Lady the password (Gurdyroot) when suddenly he was pulled behind the tapestry.

“Sarah!” he exclaimed. “What’s the matter?”

It was cramped behind the tapestry and Remus was aware how close they were standing. If he lowered his head, just a touch, he’d be able to kiss her. Is that what she wants? he thought, his stomach flipping.

“Sirius is in there, you fool!” Sarah hissed.

Ah, she doesn’t want a kiss then. “So, he’s always in there,” Remus replied.

“Do you know that you have the shirt sticking out of your robe?” she told him. “You might as well just hand it to him now and be done with it.”

He looked down and saw she was right. One frayed hem could be seen protruding from his robe pocket. He began to tuck it in.

“No, that’s just worse,” Sarah said. “There’s a big lump in your pocket now. You can’t hide it in your dorm; he’ll find it. Here, give it to me.” She put her hand out to pull out the shirt but as she touched his waist, she seemed to become acutely aware of their proximity and withdrew her hand. Remus saw she was blushing �“ almost as much as he was.

“H-how about we discuss this somewhere a bit more...” he began.

“Good idea,” Sarah replied hurriedly as they stepped out from behind the tapestry. “Where do you suggest though? I could just take it from you now.”

“No, I haven’t charmed it yet.” Remus looked around him. The common room was out; he wasn’t sure if he could risk a classroom with Filch prowling around, and he couldn’t get into the girls dorms. He needed somewhere private, yet accessible to them both. “Prefects’ bathroom,” he said at last. “Come on!”

She followed him through the corridors and up the winding staircase. “I don’t expect you’ve been in before, so I should warn you the floor can get slippery,” he cautioned her.

“Remus, you don’t know anything about us at all, do you?” Sarah replied. “Amanda let us all in the first week she became a prefect. I expect you did the same two years ago.”

Remus laughed. “Yes, I had to, or else risk having a Niffler let loose in my trunk. We should be undisturbed for a while at least. I haven’t told Sirius the new password yet.”

“Won’t James have told him?”

“Nope, he’s sick of being disturbed by Sirius too.”

They reached the door of the bathroom “Fragrant!” muttered Remus and the door slid open. Inside it was rather steamy. The previous occupants had obviously liked it very hot and had also used rather a lot of bath foam as there were bubbles everywhere. Sarah pulled out her wand and cast a Clearing Charm. Remus nodded appreciatively and then he pulled out the T-shirt. He lay it down on one of the stone benches by the side of the giant bath. He stared at it thoughtfully, brows furrowed in concentration.

“Hello, Earth to Remus, is anyone there?”

Remus looked up, startled out of his train of thought. “Sorry, I was just wondering about the charm. I could make it simple, but I’m wondering about something else.”

“I thought you were just going to get it to shrink around him.”

“Mmm, I was, but... don’t you think that’s a bit, well, basic? It’s the sort of thing we’d have done to Snape in our first year. Besides, he could perform the counter curse extremely quickly.”

Sarah nodded and started thinking, too. She noticed the bathroom beginning to steam up again and raised her wand to clear it. “Oh!” she said suddenly. “I have an idea; the charm is fairly straightforward, but combined with the potion... we just need to find the right trigger words ...”

***


Remus and Catherine planned Rochester’s delivery to take place on the twenty- seventh of March which was James’ eighteenth birthday. Remus figured that with the flurry of owls bearing gifts for James, Sirius might just be fooled into thinking that Remus’ Great-Aunt Lucinda had sent him a late birthday present. He met with Catherine and Sarah in the Owlery on Monday evening. Sarah produced the shirt which she’d been hiding for him and also brought along some flowery wrapping paper.

“I’m sure your great-aunt would wrap your birthday gift,” she said as she set to work turning it into a very credible-looking present.

“Sarah, you’re wonderful,” blurted out Remus. Sarah’s fingers appeared to become thumbs as she tied them up in the pink ribbon she’d been putting around the parcel. Remus heard a slight sound, like a muffled giggle, coming from Catherine.

“Come on,” Catherine said, smirking slightly, “hand it over.”

Remus picked up the parcel, attached a label and gave it to Catherine. She walked over to her owl, who gave her a long-suffering look and then stuck his leg out.

“It’s not a long journey, my angel,” she crooned to him, “and not until tomorrow morning.” She knelt down and gave him a small kiss on his beak. Remus grimaced and noticed Sarah giving a small shudder too.

“That owl gives me the heebie-jeebies,” she whispered, “but Catherine won’t hear a word against him.”

***

As predicted, ‘Great-Aunt Lucinda’s’ parcel was almost lost amongst the amount of presents that landed on the Gryffindor table for James. Remus smiled at James, who, despite being awash with gifts, spent most of his time exclaiming over the rather awful Quidditch hat that Lily had knitted for him.

“It’s wonderful, Lily. See, I’m going to wear it now, and never take it off,” he declaimed as he pulled the hat, bearing a rather wonky Snitch, onto his head.

Sirius and Peter began to snort, but stopped after they received a glare from James.

“What’s that you’ve got, Moony?” asked Peter as Rochester dropped the parcel into his cereal bowl.

Remus pretended to gaze at Rochester as he flew out of the Great Hall. “That looks like Great-Aunt Lucinda’s owl. Oh, I wonder...” he said mysteriously. “Um... must go. I’ll... err... see you later.”

“What’s in your parcel?” yelled Peter to his departing back, but Remus kept on walking.

“Perhaps it’s a late birthday present,” Carla said as she twined her fingers around Sirius’ arm. “Didn’t you say it was his birthday last week?”

“Two weeks ago, actually,” replied Sirius. He looked thoughtfully towards the door and a covetous gleam appeared in his eye.

“Hot legs, keep your hands to yourself.
I love you honey,” he sang, almost unconsciously.

“For Merlin’s sake, will someone stop him singing that awful song?” Lily exclaimed. Then she caught Carla’s eye. Carla winked and then turned her attention back to her boyfriend.

***

Remus was woken up early on Saturday, April the first by the unmistakable sound of someone going through his trunk. He grinned to himself and wondered what Padfoot would do if he woke up. He turned over and began to murmur something. The rustling noise from the bottom of his bed stopped and he heard the sound of his trunk lid closing. Then he opened one eye, very slightly, and saw Sirius crawl back to his bed clutching something black and rather tatty-looking. Remus stuffed his fist in his mouth as he tried to prevent the laugh that was bubbling inside him from escaping.

At eight o’clock, Remus allowed himself to wake up properly. James was pulling his clothes on, Peter was just out of the bathroom, and Sirius was sitting on his bed reading a magazine about motorbikes. Remus went to his trunk and began to pull out his clothes; the shirt was gone.

“Where is it?” Remus asked, making a play of throwing his clothes around the room.

“Where’s what, Moony?” Sirius asked nonchalantly.

“My new shirt. My present from Great-Aunt Lucinda. Padfoot have you...?” He stopped and turned round to see Sirius grinning broadly.

“Moony, you really should know better than to leave your things lying around,” Sirius said patronisingly. “Anyone could take them.”

Remus stood up and strode over to Sirius’ bedside. “You’ve done it again, haven’t you? You’ve stolen my shirt. Give it back, Padfoot.”

“Aww, Moony, don’t begrudge me one day. After all, it’s got a bike on it and you’re just not the motorbike type!”

“But the last one got ruined,” protested Remus, adding an edge to his voice. I should go on the stage, he thought.

“Nah, Carla won’t chuck anything at me this time. I’m too damn adorable,” sighed Sirius as he got up. “Right, who’s coming down for breakfast?”

“I will get you back, Padfoot, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure you will, Moony,” replied Sirius as he walked out of the room.

Remus stomped off to the bathroom and began to get ready. He smiled. Now all he had to do was follow Carla’s lead.

***

“Wow, Sirius that is such a cool shirt,” exclaimed Carla, her eyes widening in approval. “You look absolutely gorgeous!”

“Not as gorgeous as you, my darling Carla,” Sirius replied as he began to make himself a large bacon and tomato sandwich.

Remus entered the Great Hall and sat opposite them. He glared at Sirius, who smirked back. Remus felt, rather than saw, someone move into the space next to him, so he tilted his head slightly and spotted Sarah. Under the cover of the table, she touched his arm. She had a small vial in her hand and as he took it from her his hand lingered, just a moment longer than necessary, on hers. She turned her head towards his and mouthed “Good Luck.” Remus smiled at her, then realised he was being scrutinised by a very knowing pair of green eyes.

“How are you this morning, Remus?” Lily asked. “You seem very... um... cheerful about something.”

“No reason, Lily,” Remus replied hurriedly.

“Perhaps it’s the company,” she said sagely as she turned back to James, who was looking puzzled. “You don’t even notice what’s going on when it’s happening right under your nose, Potter,” Remus heard her say.

“Ooops!” trilled Carla as she knocked Sirius’ glass of pumpkin juice over him. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Let me pour you another one.”

“Great!” declared Remus, through gritted teeth, “another of my shirts ruined.”

“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic,” snapped Sirius. “Pumpkin juice doesn’t stain and it was an accident this time.”

As he turned his head to kiss Carla, Remus quickly unstopped the vial and added one drop of the potion into his glass. Peter gasped from across the table, but received a quick kick from Sarah.

Remus coughed slightly, and Carla emerged from her kiss. She reached for the jug on the table and filled up his glass. “Here you go, darling.”

Sirius smiled and swigged at the juice. Instantly he knew something was wrong. His head began to feel extremely cold, and as he looked across at Remus, he could see him grinning broadly. He pulled his hair in front of him; it was turning a particularly virulent shade of green. Sirius pulled a face.

“So lame, Moony,” he said. “Didn’t I do that to you in our third year? Really, for a Marauder, you’re pretty short of ideas. Green, huh. I can fix that easily.”

Remus made a show of looking disappointed. “Oh,” he muttered, slightly embarrassed, “I thought it was funny.”

“Pathetic,” sneered Sirius.

“Rubbish,” agreed Carla. She started to hum something to herself and Sirius joined in with the lyrics.

“Hot legs, you're wearing me out.
Hot legs, you can scream and shout.
Hot legs, you're still in school.
I love you, honey!”

“Oh, not that awful song, again!” said Lily, sighing. “Sirius, will you just...” She stopped as she caught Remus and Sarah smiling.

“Gotta most persuasive tongue,
You promise all kinds of fun.
Hot legs... AGHHHHH!” screeched Sirius as he reached the end of the line. “What’s happening to me?”

He stood up and began to pat at his thighs quickly. “I’m on fire! I’m on fire!” he yelled. “Prongs, help me.”

“What are you on about, Padfoot?” said James in astonishment. “There’s no fire.”

“I’m burning, I tell you. My legs feel as though I’ve been in a fight with a salamander.”

Remus sat back and took a bite of his toast. He chewed very carefully and chuckled as he watched Sirius empty a jug of water over his trousers. The Gryffindor table erupted in laughter as the steam billowed off his jeans.

“Help me, someone!” Sirius yelled.

“Oh, Padfoot, don’t be so melodramatic,” replied Remus in a bored tone. “I did tell you not to borrow my things.”

“The-the shirt!” Sirius exclaimed and he began to rip it off. He felt his legs finally begin to cool. He sank down into his seat. “Bloody hell, Moony, that wasn’t funny! You did all this over one poxy shirt?”

“Not exactly,” Remus replied. “There was also the matter of disappointing a lady.”

Sirius looked blank until Carla began to hum his favourite song. “Y-you were in on this too?”

“Uh-huh,” she said, nodding her head. “Along with Sarah, Catherine and Amanda.” She moved her hand over his bare chest. “Just a little April Fool prank, but you really shouldn’t take me for granted, honey.”

“Oh, and one last thing, Padfoot,” said Remus.

Sirius glowered at him. “Bring it on, Moony.”

“I’d advise you not to sing that particular song again, for at least a month. I’m not quite sure how strong the charm was; it may just activate again when you sing in your very distinctive style.”

They stared at each other, and for a moment Remus thought he’d gone too far. Sirius was bare-chested, green-haired, dripping wet and with jeans still steaming. He was glaring malevolently at him. Shit! Is he going to hit me?

He heard a sound from across the table; Lily was humming something. Sirius tore his eyes away from Remus, heard the tune and saw her smile. Slowly, his face split into a wide grin.

“Just wait ‘till next year, Moony,” he said, and he began to laugh uproariously as the other Marauders, the Harley-Queens and the Head Girl broke into song.

“Hot legs, are you still in school?
I love you, honey!”