She didn’t know how long it had been when her gut-wrenching sobs finally ceased. She didn’t know it was possible to feel this much pain. She’d never felt so alone and helpless in her entire life. She was still trembling when Remus spoke her name, a soft whisper behind her.

“Lily?” The pain was evident in his voice as he spoke. He had lost his best friend just as she has lost her partner, her soul mate, her other half.

She didn’t move. She remained where she was, laying protectively over his body, her head resting gently upon his unmoving chest, her right hand cradling his head. Her pale face was streaked with tears, and her muscles were stiff and sore after sustaining hours of sobbing followed by hours of lying in the same position. She heard footsteps come closer, followed by a gentle hand cupping her face to look at its beholder. Remus’ hand was wet as if he had just been wiping away tears. Her ragged breath caught in her throat at the thought. Remus could be feeling just as broken as she did in that moment. She tore her face away from James’ unmoving form to gaze at her friend. She saw understanding deep in his amber eyes.

Remus pulled Lily to his chest as the two of them sat upon the floor, numb with pain and loss, clinging to each other as if their sanity depended on it. The tears came once again, Lily burying her face deep in Remus’ shirt. The tremors returned and she felt herself spiraling toward hysteria once again. There was no need to hide the extent of her pain from Remus. She knew he would never even think of judging her on it.

“I-I’m so sorry, Remus.. I tried.. I tried to save him. I tried to save J-James.”

They were the first coherent words she’d spoken the entire evening. Her unintelligible apologies to James’ lifeless form didn’t count.

“Shhh.. Lily. There’s no need to apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“No.. no! It is my fault... it’s all my fault. I tried to save him.. but I couldn’t. Lord Vol.. h-he was too strong. He killed James... a-and those red.. those red eyes... I’ll never forget them. I’ll never forget J-James’ eyes as he fell to the floor. Never.” The agony in her voice was unmistakeable.

Lily shook like a leaf in a hurricane. Her fragile frame was folded against Remus as if there was no other way to survive. With the horror of the death she had just experienced, her instincts took over to cling to the only living person in the room. She thanked the heavens that Remus had always been so stoic; if he hadn’t been able to hold it together, she didn’t think she would still be a functioning human being. Even now, as Lily shook violently and tears still steadily poured from her eyes in silent rivers, he held her tightly, murmuring comforts. Someone had to be the rational one.

As her energy began to dwindle, her tears became more manageable and her breathing became more even. She pulled away from Remus for a moment to look into his face.

Just as she’d been about to say something, the front door burst open, and Lily couldn’t help but scream. Her scream pierced the silence; the last time that door had burst open her world had been violently torn in two. A very different person than the man with red eyes burst through the door this time, though.

“James? James! Lily!” The man’s voice was hoarse as if he’d been yelling for minutes on end.

“You!” Lily felt Remus leap to his feet beside her. Before the man who had entered even had a moment to react, Remus was slamming his fist into his face. “How dare you show your face here! You have the audacity to show up here after what you’ve done?”

“Done? What have I done, Remus?” He barely got the words out before Remus’ fist connected with his mouth again, and his lip split, blood spattering the scene.

“Don’t try to hide behind false grief, Black!” Remus’ voice was laced with venom, and he raised his fist again to strike the man again, even though the man was doing nothing to defend himself.

“Remus... Remus!” Lily lunged to her feet, her strength waning, but determined to stop this senseless beating. “Remus, stop! What are you doing? What has he done?”

Remus turned to her, pain glinting in his eyes, those eyes that had been so calm and collected minutes before, now held oceans of sorrow. “Don’t you get it, Lily? It’s his fault James is dead! Sirius was Secret-Keeper! He must have let something slip!” Desperation urged him onward. “He let something slip, or-or he knowingly passed information to the Dark Lord, either way, he revealed your location, a-and that’s why... th-that’s how... he.. that’s.....” Remus stumbled on the words as his eyes fell on the figure on the floor.

Lily didn’t look at Remus as she spoke the name of the one who had betrayed them all, but most cruelly the man lying still on the ground. “It was Peter. Peter was Secret-Keeper.”

“I...Sirius, I’m sorry.” Remus’ voice was impregnated with shame, shame that he could have suspected his closest friend of a betrayal of that scale. Remus received no response; his friend had just found the earth-shattering horror that commanded the attention of all in the room.

“James?” Sirius’ voice was only a whisper now. He had caught sight of the lifeless form crumpled on the floor for the first time. “Lily?” It was a forlorn sound, laced with fierce denial as well. “Lily, why is he....?” His voice caught, and suddenly he lunged forward toward James’ body but fell weakly to the ground, grief taking hold.

“No.....No...NOOOO!” The man howled on the floor, the sound leaving his lips eerily animal-like. He beat his fists on the floor as if willing his excess of life to flow through the ground to his best friend. He gazed for a moment at the imitation of his friend cruelly mocking him before curling toward the floor once more, losing himself in his grief.

Sirius pulled himself off the floor, gazing in the direction of the woman with the flaming hair. Her emerald eyes, which had once held such vibrancy, were wet with tears, but more disturbing, were vacant of life.

Lily stared back at him, the tears streaking down his boyish face breaking her heart in two once again. He was too young to have lost his best friend. She was too young to have lost the love of her life. They were all too young for this. Hell, they were hardly out of their teens.

“Oh, Sirius...” Lily stood up and moved to Sirius, where he still sat curled up beside James’ body. She lowered herself to the ground, and took her friend’s hand in hers. Looking into those grey eyes, and watching the tears still staining his pale cheeks, the horror and hopelessness set in again and Lily began to cry once more.

“Shh, Lily...” Sirius pulled her close, just as Remus had when he’d found her there. “I’m so sorry, Sirius. I’m s-so sorry.” Her tiny voice barely reached his ears, but he felt the aching behind it as if she’d screamed it.

“What do I do now?” she asked aloud, helplessness clear in her eyes as she looked up at Sirius. “What do we all do now?” She allowed herself a quick glance at James’ pale face, but tore her face away soon enough. Even momentary glances were enough to call forth the overwhelming waves of grief.

“I don’t know.” Sirius’ answer came after a long pause. “I don’t know, Lily.” He closed his eyes tight, and when he opened them again, there was a glimmer of panic behind the forced calm. “I’m sorry.” His apology was directed at both her and Remus. “I need to get away from here for a minute.” He got shakily to his feet, and strode quickly up the stairs, out of sight.

“I don’t understand, Remus,” Lily said after a minute. “I thought I would be able to handle this, losing James. We all did. After all, this is what we expected when we decided to join the fight. I mean, how could we expect all of us to safely make it through the war. We all said that the greater good was worth the risk of losing one of us. I guess I never really thought it through. I just don’t understand. If James’ death vanquished Voldemort, and all this really was for the greater good, then why do I feel so empty inside? Why do I feel no sense of victory?”

“Victory can be impossible to find when overshadowed by the immensity of death, Lily.” Remus’ voice was tired. After all, this was the longest night of any of their lives. “You loved James with everything you had, and that’s saying something, considering all the love you had to give in that huge heart of yours.”

“But.... if the greater good was what I was after all along, how can I feel this immense burden of loss? Is it selfish of me, Remus, to lose myself in grief rather than rejoice for all the others?”

“No, Lily. No one can judge you for mourning.” His voice was stern as he moved to her side and cupped her face to lift her gaze to his. “No one.”

Lily had never considered herself a weak person by any measure, but the emotional toll of the night’s events had her crying again. “I just don’t see how I’m ever going to get past this. It’s just not fair.” She let out a gasp just then. “What am I saying! It’s not fair to James. He had a life to live, Remus! He had so much ahead of him!”

“Why wasn’t it me? Why couldn’t it have been me, Remus?” Lily’s voice quivered. “God, he loved his little boy so much; he loved Harry so much, Remus. He loved that little boy more than anything in the world.”

“You’re wrong.” The voice came from the stairs. Both Lily and Remus turned to look. Sirius stood at the top of the stairs, holding a bundle in his arms. “James loved you just as much as he loved his little boy. Speaking of his little boy, speaking of your little boy, he needs his mother. Harry needs you, Lily.”

Lily stood up and crossed the room as Sirius descended the stairs. The moment that Lily took Harry from Sirius’ arms and gazed into his tiny, tear-streaked face, her heart swelled with love. With a love that overpowered any shadow of death.

“Harry.”

Lily spoke his name as if it were the most joyful thing she could think of to say. She brushed that untidy black hair that she knew so well out of his face, and Harry’s eyes fluttered open. She wiped the remnants of tears from his cheeks; the poor child must have cried himself to sleep. Lily thanked the heavens the man with the red eyes never made it as far as Harry.

“Harry James Potter.” Lily spoke each part of his name slowly as she kissed his forehead. “I promise to never leave you, and to always let you know how much I love you. Just promise me you’ll be a daily reminder of your father, so that he’ll never be forgotten by either of us.” As if on cue, little Harry giggled and revealed a crooked smile much like the one James had been so fond of.

Lily turned to Sirius and Remus, who had gathered beside her. They were both entranced by the little boy who so clearly mirrored their friend. “I can’t do this on my own. I’m going to need help. Are you two willing to be around and -- ”

“Yes.”

Lily looked around at the two men and little boy that were her life now. She knew the future that lay before her would not be easy or pain-free by any means, but she had finally found her way home.

The hardest thing for Lily that October night, aside from placing a sheet over James’ body, was to relinquish Harry to his crib. She had spent the last hour sitting on the floor beside James’ still form, holding his hand as if to ease his passing on. As if to provide some sort of reassurance to his soul that she would never forget him, and that she would see him again soon. She had allowed herself to gaze at his face, memorizing every curve, every line, every hair, tears leaving trails on her cheeks. She had remained there, holding little Harry tight in her arms until he fell asleep, his fragile head resting in the crook of her neck. She rose shakily to her feet, using Sirius for support. She then proceeded to walk past the debris that littered the floor, a physical reminder of the rebounding curse that had quite literally blown her life to bits.

“You okay, Lily?” Sirius asked when she reached the foot of the stairs.

Lily nodded silently. Of course she wasn’t okay, relative to the big picture, but in the present moment, physically at least, she was okay. Albeit exhausted.

“Do you have any spare blankets?”

Lily paused to turn and face Sirius. “What for?”

“Remus and I were talking, and we both think it would be best if we spent the night, at least for the first few nights. We said we would be here to help you, and just being here physically is the first part.”

Lily opened her mouth to protest. She was fine; she didn’t need them to stay.

“Lily.” It was Remus who spoke this time. “Please don’t try to protest. Tomorrow, we’re going to bury James. Tomorrow is going to be brutal, but tonight isn’t going to be any easier. Please let us stay.”

“Besides,” came Sirius’ quiet voice as he crossed the room to stand beside Lily. “We weren’t able to be there for James when he most needed us. At least let us be here for you.”

Lily nodded weakly. “Okay.”

Sirius leaned forward to kiss Lily on the forehead, the way a brother would kiss his little sister. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You’ll make it through this. We’ll all get through this.”

Despite the brave face that Sirius wore and the reassurances he offered her, Lily knew that he was still reeling with feelings of helplessness. They all were. It was only natural. She spared him the speech she would have normally thrown his way: Let’s be real, Sirius. None of us is ever going to be the same. She knew it was right to let him hold on to that hope of a completely healed life, though at best all he’d get was a sloppy patch thrown on to cover up the gaping hole.

“The blankets are in the cupboard next to the bookshelf,” she told Sirius, before turning and heading up the stairs. She walked to the end of the hallway to Harry’s room. She and James had purposely picked this room, farthest from the front door and directly next to the master bedroom, once they’d been informed of the Dark Lord’s interest in eliminating their infant son. In the end, the decision had been an effective one. When the Dark Lord had burst through the front door, he’d been stopped by James before he could ascend the stairs to locate Harry.

Lily entered the dark room; it was a welcome sanctuary from the death and destruction that lay downstairs. She placed Harry in his crib, though it felt wrong to do so. She couldn’t very well sleep if she was holding Harry, though, and so she left her young child and crossed the room to the bed that she and James had installed if they had ever wanted to spend the night with Harry. She collapsed upon it, fully clothed, and the utter exhaustion of the previous hours overtook her, and she sank into a fitful sleep.

-------------------------------------------

She walked into the room to see James dozing on the couch by the living room window. She smiled to herself. He always looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, so innocent. Gone was the furrow in his brow when he worried, or the hard set of his mouth when he was determined. Lily didn’t blame him for sleeping, though it was merely 10:30 in the evening. After all, last night had been his night to tend to Harry when the little boy woke crying.

Lily picked a book off the bookshelf, one she’d already read many times before, but always enjoyed nonetheless. She gathered a blanket from the cupboard beside the bookcase, and settled into the armchair by the fireplace. She pulled the blanket around her and opened to the first page of Pride and Prejudice.

This Muggle novel had become one of her favorites ever since she had married James. She had always thought that she and James were so like Mr. Darcy and Lizzy. James, who had been so prideful in his youth, and she, who had always been so prejudiced against him, had ended up together in the end. Such opposite people, but such a complete and perfect union. She was glad Jane Austen had come to the same conclusion.

“Lily....?” The redhead looked up from her book to see James rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “How long have I been out?”

She chuckled. “Oh, about an hour. And it’s only 10:30.”

James gaped. “You mean to tell me I fell asleep at 9:30?” He rubbed a hand absentmindedly through his hair. “Oh, man... I’m losing my touch. At this rate, I won’t be any fun anymore by the time Harry turns three.”

Lily laughed, then twisted her mouth into a smirk. “I think I can help you with that, Mr. Potter.” She got to her feet and deposited the book and blanket on the armchair before making her way over to the couch where James lay. She curled up next to him before kissing him sweetly, tenderly, on his lips. He responded with enthusiasm, smiling through the kisses he delivered to Lily’s lips, cheeks, nose, forehead.

“I take back my previous statement, Mrs. Potter.” James whispered in her ear.

Lily laughed again, gave James one more firm kiss, then pulled him off the couch and to his feet. “Come on. I know how we can have more fun.”

She jogged over to the record player and put on a fast, lively song that she and James had danced to at their wedding. James’ face lit up as he recognized the tune. He crossed the room and grabbed Lily by the waist and twirled her to the center of the room. Around and around they went, Lily laughing and James planting kisses on her nose every so often. Eventually, the music slowed enough for Lily to rest her head on James’ shoulder.

“I love you so much.” Lily whispered as she gently kissed James’ neck.

“I couldn’t love you any more than I do right now.” James tilted Lily’s face up to his as he said this. “You’re my everything.”

There were a few moments of silence before the scene shattered.

A blaring sound filled the room that James and Lily both recognized as the intruder charm alerting them to someone’s presence outside. Lily froze and James’ brow furrowed with worry as he ran to the window. Before all the color had even drained from James’ face, he turned and yelled at Lily, fierce protection raging in his hazel eyes.

“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!”

Lily ran for the stairs, her maternal instincts raging. Just as she reached the foot of the stairs, the front door burst open and the intruder entered. The man turned to face Lily, and Lily screamed at the blazing red eyes and the face more creature than human. James put himself between her and the man with the red eyes in an instant, but that was when Lily realized something truly horrendous.

Clear across the room, on the stand beside the couch, lay James’ wand. Her husband, the absolute love of her life, the person she cared most about in the world, was between her and the man with red eyes, and he was defenseless.

“James, your wand!” Lily wasn’t even sure why she was sharing the information. It only added to the hopelessness of their situation. James didn’t budge, though; he remained firmly where he was, between the intruder and his wife, and his infant son.

“You have no chance.” The high voice laughed in an inhuman tone, chilling Lily to the bone. “Stand down, Potter, and I’ll spare your life. And your wife’s. Step aside.”

James shook his head rigidly, the stiffness of his movement belying his silent terror. “I’ll do no such thing. I will not step aside to allow you to take my son’s life.” The courage and conviction in his tone left no room for mistake. James Potter was going to defend his family to the very end.

“Fool!” The man with the red eyes screamed, and he raised his wand, pointing it at James’ chest.

“James, no!” Lily captured James’ attention, and as he turned his head to look at her, the jet of green light hit him square in the chest. The life instantaneously left his eyes, and his body began its descent.

Lily screamed.....

and screamed, and screamed. She awoke screaming.

“Lily... Lily!” Lily heard the disembodied voice down the hallway as she sat bolt upright in bed. Moments later, Sirius and Remus burst through the door into the dark room. Sirius was the first to her side as Remus crossed the room to check on Harry, who was fine, sitting in his crib with wide eyes. Sirius sat next to Lily on the bed.

“Lily, you all right?” Sirius laid his hand on her arm in an effort to help calm her. He skipped over all the jokes he usually would have employed. You screamed so loud it would have put the banshees to shame. And the like. Concern was the only emotion present in his tired eyes.

“The red eyes... a-and James w-wouldn’t move. I tried... but James, h-he.... and then he fell, and....” Lily dissolved into sobs and pressed herself against Sirius. It was obvious to both Sirius and Remus what Lily had encountered in her sleep. She was being forced to relive the worst moments of her life in her uncontrollable unconscious; this was worse than any Dementor could force upon a person. She was inconsolable as she buried her face in Sirius’ shirt, and he tightened his grip around her, running his hand in gentle circles on her back. He held her for minutes until her tears subsided, and she was able to breathe without hitching.

Lily pulled back and looked at her two best friends. “How did you guys get to me so quickly? You were here within seconds.”

Remus pursed his lips, as if his answer might somehow displease Lily. It was Sirius who answered. “We, uh... weren’t exactly sleeping. We haven’t been to sleep since you left.” Lily then took a deeper look at Sirius, and noticed the exhaustion in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry...” Her voice came out small and apologetic, and full of overwhelming sadness.

“For what?” Sirius gaped, disbelief in his voice. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“I keep making the mistake that I’m the only one who’s devastated after James’ dea.... now that James is gone. I’m not stopping to think of the effect this is having on you two. I’m not stopping to think of how crushed you might be. Looking at the exhaustion in your eyes, and knowing that still your grief won’t allow you to fall asleep, it breaks my heart. It’s not fair. That I can sleep up here in this bed, and you two have couches, and can’t even get to sleep.”

“We all process our grief differently, Lily.” Remus crossed the room, now that Harry was safely asleep in his crib again. “What you’re dealing with isn’t any easier. We all know what you saw in your dreams, and that is by no means fair or easy. So you can manage sleep? You’re being tortured in there. Our minds are haunted whilst awake. Neither is easier than the other. Your grief is taking the form of nightmares right now. I’m probably going to become distant and silent at some point in the next few days. Sirius is probably going to get angry, and do something rash. Don’t feel guilty, Lily.”

Sirius opened his mouth to protest Remus’ assumptions, but then thought better of it. His friend knew him well. Lily nodded in response, squeezing Sirius’ hand as a sign of friendship. “Thank you, really. For being here. I rely on you more than you know.”

Her two friends got to their feet, and departed the room, but not without one look back at Lily. “See you tomorrow... later today.”

--------------------------------------------

The rest of the night passed uneventfully. Lily spent the remaining few hours of the night in a dreamless sleep, of which she was thankful. She woke at about 8:30, surprised that Harry had allowed her to sleep in that late; apparently, her little boy had been just as exhausted as she had been.

Lily quickly rummaged through her closet, choosing an emerald sweater and a pair of well-worn jeans, before getting Harry from his crib. She descended the stairs to find the living room empty. The two couches where she had expected to see her friends were vacant. She also noticed that James’ body was missing, and pieced together for herself where her friends were. She then noticed a small stack of letters on the kitchen counter.

Her curiosity got the best of her, and she opened the first few. One was from Albus Dumbledore, another from Minerva McGonagall, both offering their deepest of condolences, and that though they cared immensely for their family, they felt it best to give her space until she was ready to see others.

She appreciated the gesture from her past professors, and was immensely grateful that they were intuitive enough to realize that excessive company was not what she needed right now. She wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to communicate to them, or anyone for that matter, that it meant the world to her that they cared this much for her, but that she wanted them to, frankly, go away. One might wonder then, why Lily had allowed Sirius and Remus to stay. Honestly, it was because of the simple fact that they were more family than friend to her now. That, and the fact they had just as much right to be with James as she did; they had loved him just as much as she had, had suffered just as much of a loss as she had.

Lily was interrupted from her reverie by a quiet voice behind her.

“Lily?” It was Remus. She turned around slowly, relatively devoid of energy. “Are you ready for this?” He paused as if he couldn’t bring himself to utter the next words, so contrary were they to anything he ever thought he’d be saying.

“Are you ready to bury him?”

Lily nodded cautiously. This could possibly be the most brutal part of the day. Lily felt the emotional weight of the loss of James; she felt it heavy on her heart in that moment, and she knew that wouldn’t fade for quite some time. This was the physical reality, though; there was no going back. Once James entered that earth, there was no coming back. Lily couldn’t deny it; she had held on to some minute possibility that it had all been a dream, that James’ still form was only asleep, that he might wake up at any moment.

This was it.

And she had to go through with it, or there would be no closure. She would remain a broken, mangled mess that had no right acting as mother to Harry. She had to do this for Harry.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” She was still holding Harry tight in her arms, and gently kissed his forehead for reassurance that she would make it through today in one piece. She followed Remus out the back door. It was a brisk morning, but the sun shone brightly above. By all measures, it was a beautiful day.

Lily walked across the backyard, a task that seemed to take much longer than it should have, probably because Lily couldn’t take her eyes off the the long wooden box lying beside the gaping hole in the ground. When she drew nearer, a sick, hollow feeling consumed her, and the horror of the situation washed over her in full. She noticed two shovels laying next to the the hole, and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes when she noticed the dirt coating her two friends’ hands and clothes. They had dug that hole; they had painstakingly shoveled every mound of dirt from the earth with their own hands. Lily took Sirius’ hand when she reached him and leaned against his side for support.

“Thank you.” Lily didn’t get any audible reply. All she got was a squeeze to her hand. Apparently, Sirius wasn’t up to speaking this morning. She thought she noticed a hard glint in his eyes, something akin to determination, and grew momentarily worried, but decided to brush the feeling aside.

“Do either of you want to say something, or should I speak for all of us?” Remus looked at Sirius and Lily when he asked this question. Lily shook her head. “No, I don’t think I can.” She glanced up at Sirius, who promptly shook his head. He kept his gaze resolute, but Lily could see the tears gathering in his eyes and his bottom lip quivering. She turned back to Remus. “Go ahead, Remus. I think you’ll say it best.”

“All right, then. Here goes.” Remus took a deep breath, glanced at the dark hole beside his feet, and began.

“James Potter. Well, we all met him years and years ago at Hogwarts, which was really not so long ago, but sure feels like ages ago. He was my first friend, the first one who ever accepted me just the way I was, and he was Sirius’ best friend. And, well, he wasn’t Lily’s friend for a while; he was a bloody prick for a few years or so. Although he acted out and sometimes took things too far, he had a good heart, a strong heart, and was fiercely loyal to his friends like nothing I’ve ever seen. He regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.* In any case, it was James, and you, Sirius, who made those years at Hogwarts the best years of my life. I still remember the first prank we pulled at Hogwarts, and though I was scared out of my mind that we would get caught, I was happier than ever because someone had decided to include me.”

Lily saw the waves of nostalgia washing over Remus, taking him back, taking them all back to the days when life had been easier, when they’d been protected by those castle walls. Lily felt herself being pulled back, memories crashing over her. They all contained James, the good and the bad, the boy she had despised and the man she had grown to love.

“James was a great man. He fought for what he believed in, and protected those he loved with a determination so fierce and unyielding, it cost him his life. He died fighting; he died fighting for the well-being of the wizarding world, his friends, and his family. I can think of no better way for James to leave this world. He was a Gryffindor until the end. He was a brave man, a fierce friend, a loyal husband, and a passionate father. I would be denying the truth if I said that I didn’t want him back, that we all didn’t want him back. But I’d like to think that we’re all a little bit better for having known him. For having loved him, and experienced his stubborn, steadfast love.”

When Remus had finished, Lily’s face was marred with tears, and she gazed up at Sirius and saw a face matching her own. Tears lined his cheeks, his eyes were soft, and he wore the ghost of a smile upon his lips at the memory of his best friend.

“Are you ready?” Remus asked her for the second time that day. Lily took a long, shaking breath, and nodded.

Lily, Remus, and Sirius all pointed their wands at the long, wooden box and lifted it into the air before allowing it to descend slowly into the ground. Shaking ever so slightly, Remus picked up one of the shovels beside the hole, and began the long process of piling the dirt back to where it had come from. Sirius looked down at Lily.

“Do you need me, or can I... can I help Remus bury him?” Lily saw the need in his eyes, and the pleading in his voice, and knew she had to let him physically bury his best friend. “I’ll be fine.” Lily put on her brave face, and removed her arm from Sirius’. She stepped back and allowed her friends to bury the man she had loved so deeply.

She felt the weight in her chest growing ever stronger, as if it had life of its own, and was determined to crush Lily beneath it. She clutched Harry in her arms as if her life depended on it because, in a way, it did. She ran a trembling hand through his unruly, black hair ever so often, kissing his tiny fingers as he reached for her face. Once, as she leaned down to kiss his fingers again, he wiped his little fingertips across her cheeks, taking with them the tears that had been there. She gasped then, startled by the gesture, and looked into Harry’s green eyes to find vivid understanding there. It was if her little boy knew the significance of the day, and wanted to do his part in comforting his mum.

Lily looked up to see the hole completely filled in and Sirius fixing a marble headstone to one edge of the grave. Remus raised his wand and traced an inscription in the air that transcribed itself onto the marble.

James Potter

“The Last Enemy That Shall Be Defeated Is Death”**

Loving Husband of Lily

Father to Harry

Lily frowned. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Remus looked at Lily, then back at the headstone, then back to Lily. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Yes, you are,” Lily argued very determinedly. She stepped closer and raised her wand in the air, wherein a final phrase transcribed itself onto the marble.

Best Friend of Sirius and Remus

“There,” she said simply, but the gesture held profound meaning.

Sirius and Remus both came to stand on either side of her, and they simply stood there, gazing at the plot of earth where James lay as if some unforeseen force of gravity held them there; for they did not move. They stood there, like sentinels standing guard, the silence between them both terrifying and comforting. It was not long before Lily felt an odd sensation, as if someone was watching her. She glanced behind her for a moment, and struggled not to break composure. She clamped her mouth shut temporarily to keep from gasping aloud.

Once she felt calm enough to speak rationally, she spoke softly to both Sirius and Remus. “If I asked you for a favor, would you do it?”

Sirius nodded. Remus answered softly, “Yes, anything.”

“Promise me. I need your word.” Lily’s heart was racing, thinking only of the person she’d seen moments before. What was he doing here? What could he possibly think was a valid reason for showing up at her house, unannounced?

“Yes, we promise.” Sirius answered for them both.

Lily let out a breath. “Take Harry, Sirius, and when you both turn around, remain where you are. Do not follow me, and most of all, do not attack the man standing behind us.” She quickly handed Harry to Sirius as both he and Remus spun on a dime. Sirius let out a harsh breath at what he saw, and his hand moved to his wand. Lily grabbed his arm, and forced him to look at her. “You promised me. Remember, you’re doing this for me.”

Sirius glared vehemently at the man, poison in his eyes, as he searched for something to say. “But, Lily... it’s him!”

“I know. But, for me... please?” The tone of desperation in her small voice was all that kept Sirius and Remus from rushing forward in an attack. Sirius nodded rigidly. “Okay.” Lily turned and crossed the yard to where a tall man waited in the shadows of the house.

“You’re alive.” The relief in the man’s voice was overwhelming. “I-I thought you were...” The man grabbed Lily in an unexpected hug, and crushed her to his chest. He quickly recovered, though, and pulled away sharply.

“What’re they doing here?” The man spat, hollow voice matching his sallow skin and greasy hair. He glanced in the direction of Sirius and Remus.

Lily took a step back, and glared up into the face of Severus Snape. “They are here for James, Severus. Something I can’t the same for about you. Why are you here? Why are you here now, after all these years? After all, we both know where your loyalties lie.”

Severus cringed, but didn’t immediately respond. He sighed before continuing. “I’m sorry, Lily. This isn’t how I meant to start. I just - I can’t believe you’re alive. When I got news this morning of an attack on your home, I assumed the worst. I thought he-he’d gotten to you, and killed you and your child, and.. James.”

“Well, he succeeded on one of three counts. Guess that means you and your precious little Death Eaters pals must be ecstatic?” Lily spat venomously.

Severus shook his head quickly. “No... no! I never meant for any of this to happen, Lily! Honest, I didn’t!”

“What do you mean you didn’t mean for this happen? What did you do, Severus?”

Severus’ voice was soft as he confessed his involvement. “I told the Dark Lord of a prophecy in which one who had the power to vanquish him was rising, a-and he took it to mean your son. B-but as soon as I realized he was targeting your family, I asked Dumbledore for help, and I swore to help him in any way I could. I swear I tried to help, Lily. I tried to protect you... and your family. I swear I didn’t reveal your whereabouts. I swear! I didn’t betray you... Please, Lily. It wasn’t me!”

Lily nodded. “It was Peter.” Despite the truth of her statement, Lily couldn’t help but feel sick inside. The idea that Severus, the man who had been her best friend all those years ago, could have played role in James’ death, inadvertently or not, felt like a kick in the stomach. She felt as if all the wind had been knocked out of her.

“But... at least you’re alive,” Severus begged Lily to see things from his perspective. She was still alive, and she still had her son. And she had him. He would always watch out for her, from this point on. “You’re still here.”

“And he’s gone, Sev!” Lily couldn’t help but revert back to the times when she had been able to call him that, even though those days had long since passed. “James is gone! I might still be here, but there’s a gaping hole in my chest that is never going to mend.” The tears she had been holding back all morning burst forth, like floodwaters bursting from a dam.

“The man who loved me despite what the rest of the world might have viewed me as, as a Mudblood, the man who made me laugh incessantly, the man who doted upon me as if I was the most precious jewel in the world, the man who lay down his life for me is lying in the ground, cold and still and never coming back, Sev!”

She began to collapse and Severus caught her, holding her tight to him. Lily let him, although it contradicted any situation she would’ve thought she’d ever been in, and cried whilst Severus rested a hand comfortingly on her head.

“I’m so sorry, Lily.” And he was. As contrary as this sentiment might have been just days earlier, Severus was sorry that James was dead. Because something that caused Lily this much grief was a tragedy in his book as well. Severus Snape was truly sorry that James Potter was dead.

6 months later: May 1982 (Remus’ POV)

Spring had already begun, and the flowers were in bloom. The blossoming buds and vitality of life surrounding Godric’s Hollow in no way reflected the current state of being in Lily’s life, or Sirius or Remus’ for that matter. This wasn’t to say that there weren’t happy moments in their lives, just that they were few and far between. Healing was a slow process, only made bearable by the constant company of each other. Sirius and Remus had long since gone back to their flat, but were at Lily’s house nearly every day.

This period in their lives was particularly trying; Sirius had returned from a brief stint in Azkaban just last week. Remus shuddered at the thought. He remembered the evening when Sirius had been taken away like it had been yesterday. He hadn’t thought it was possible to feel as helpless as he had felt when he’d seen James’ unmoving form on the floor. When they had taken Sirius away that night, an innocent man, and Remus had been unable to help, unable to change the circumstances, the feelings of helplessness had overwhelmed him. It had been almost as bad as losing James; the people he cared most about in the world were dropping like flies. He’d been a mess for days.

------------------------------------------

He had been right all along. Remus had known all along that Sirius would go and do something rash. He just hadn’t counted on it being so soon, or having such disastrous consequences.

It was just past six in the evening, and the lights of dusk were just beginning to color the sky. It was a beautiful night by all accounts. He and Sirius had just left Lily’s house and had apparated to London, and were walking the few blocks back to their flat. They took these few minutes every night to walk in each other’s company, allowing the crisp autumn air to clear their heads.

Remus had seen him first. Just as they had rounded a corner, Remus had looked up to see a small man quite a distance down the block. He would have looked quite indistinguishable to anyone else. He wore a dirty set of robes, had mousy brown hair, and walked with his head down, keeping a low profile. He had a twitchy sort of manner about him, as if he was terrified someone would realize who he was. Unfortunately, that was exactly what had just happened.

The moment after Remus saw him, he felt Sirius tense beside him. They both froze, and Remus looked at Sirius, afraid of what he would see. He hadn’t been mistaken. Sirius’ eyes had gone cold and hard, and the look of hatred etched into every line in his face left no room for mistake.

â€�“I’m gonna kill him.” His voice was shaking, the rage boiling below the surface so intense it was unnerving to witness. It wasn’t that Remus wasn’t feeling the same rage, just that he tended to internalize these types of things, whereas Sirius wore his heart on his sleeve.
â€�“I’m gonna kill you, Peter!” The small, quivering man froze at sound of Sirius’ voice ringing in the night. He looked up and Remus watched as all the color drained from his face, leaving it as gray as death. The man did not move, though. It was as if he was too horrified to do anything but stand there, terror consuming him.

Sirius drew his wand from his robes in an instant and stalked down the street toward Peter, arm outstretched. The man cowered, still unable to move away from the terrible fury moving toward him.

â€�“Sirius, my old friend... and Remus, so good to see you.” The rat of a man made an attempt at a smile.

Sirius roared in rage, and even Remus directed a furious glance at Peter. â€�“How dare you! How dare you speak to us as if we don’t know what you’ve done!” Sirius bellowed, a hint of pain and betrayal infused in his voice.

â€�“Done? What have I done?” Peter whined, echoing Sirius’ exclamation when Remus had accused him of betraying the Potters mere days before.

This time it was Remus who answered, his voice quiet and cold, full of a revulsion so strong it almost masked the pain that he and Sirius felt. â€�“You sold Lily and James to Voldemort. Do you deny it?”*

â€�“No... I.. H-he..... What could I have done? The Dark Lord... you have no idea the weapons he possesses.. he forced me to do it...”* Peter pleaded. These were all just excuses; not once did he express guilt or apologize for the horrors he had committed.

â€�“You don’t understand, Sirius!” Peter turned back to the shaking frame of his old friend, begging for mercy with his eyes. â€�“He would have killed me!”*

â€�“Then you should have died! Died rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you!”* Sirius shoved his wand closer to Peter’s face, quickly losing control, the reason for his best friend’s death standing before him. He took a few breaths to try and regain some semblance of control before speaking again.

â€�“It’s over, Peter.” It took all of Sirius’ self-control to speak calmly. â€�“You’re over. I’m going to turn you in and you’re going to pay for the pain you’ve caused all of us.”

In that moment, Remus watched a disturbing change come over Peter. The terror that had been all-consuming vanished, and an eerie calm took its place.

â€�“You can’t do that, Sirius.”

Sirius’ eyes widened, and the small amount of control he had gained was thrown by the wayside. â€�“What do you mean I can’t?” Sirius bellowed, inching closer to Peter’s face, and was surprised when Peter did not flinch.

â€�“I’m not going to Azkaban.” And before Remus could pull Sirius out of the way, they were both blasted backwards down the street.

â€�“You filthy, little --” Sirius never finished his sentence, abandoning words and attempting to rush at Peter. Remus lunged and grabbed Sirius, wrapping his arms around him and holding him back.

â€�“Sirius, don’t! He’s planning something!”

â€�“I - don’t - care - Remus! It’s his fault!” Sirius had always been the stronger of the two and he broke free of Remus’ grip, not paying any attention to the calculating look glinting in Peter’s eyes.

Sirius reached Peter quickly, and his fists soon crashed into the traitor’s face. Crunches and cracks were Peter’s nose breaking. Then, as quickly as the attack had begun, it ended, but not by any choice of Sirius’. Sirius was blasted back again, and the next few events had happened in quick succession.

Peter pulled a small knife out of his pocket, and sliced off his right index finger. He then blasted the street apart, an explosion rocking the area and infringing on Remus and Sirius’ view. When the smoke cleared, Peter was gone. A series of loud cracks announced the arrival of wizards from the Ministry responding to a powerful blasting curse in Muggle London. They took one look at Sirius, Peter’s blood staining his hands and clothes, saw Peter’s finger on the sidewalk, and instantly converged on Sirius before Remus could explain.

Sirius struggled, a maniacal look in his eyes, screaming as he cast glances around the street. â€�“He’s gone! He’s gone! I have to kill him! Where’s Peter?” There was a slight pause as Sirius realized where he was, and the unimaginable situation he was in.

â€�“Remus...? Remus, where are you?”

Something twisted in Remus’ stomach as he heard the panic rising in his friend’s voice. Something tugged at his heart when he saw the terror in his friend’s eyes.

Remus stepped forward to make a plea to these men. â€�“Please, listen to me! Sirius, he didn’t --” No sooner had the words left his mouth, then he received a blow to his face and swift kick to his stomach and he doubled over, collapsing to the ground. Apparently, everyone was resorting to Muggle methods today.

This act of violence sent Sirius into another fit of rage, and he made to break free of his captors. The Ministry wizards grew even more forceful, wrenching Sirius’ arms behind his back. Sirius let out a cry of pain, which was soon muffled as a silencing charm was cast upon him; the Ministry couldn’t have him attracting too much attention. Fury and terror mingled in Sirius’ eyes as he fought yet again to get to Remus, who was bleeding profusely from the gash on his cheek.

Remus wiped the blood from his face, and made to stand up, determination fierce in his eyes. â€�“Let me explain,” he growled. â€�“Hear me out --” A wand was soon thrust into Remus’ face and its owner directed a dangerous look at him. Sirius, a look of defeat in his gray eyes, shook his head at Remus, the look there speaking volumes louder than words: drop it.

Remus stood there, head hung low, waves of hopelessness crashing over him, and watched the Ministry wizards grab his best friend roughly by the arms. A loud crack announced their exit as they apparated out of sight...

-----------------------------------------

It had taken months of accumulating evidence, and several impassioned arguments from Albus Dumbledore to convince the Ministry to release him. The man that had been returned to him and Lily was a mere ghost of the man that Sirius had been before James’ death. He had been torn from them a mere two weeks after having had to deal with that horror, and then had been faced with horrors that no man should ever have to endure.

Remus had heard the myths about Azkaban. He now knew these were no myths; the horrors that Sirius had lived through were evident in his every movement. Every rattle of the loose lock on the window was the rattling of the Dementors’ breath. Every shadow that swept past him was the sweeping of a Dementor’s cloak. In the week that Sirius had been back, he had regained a little of the color in his skin, and he smiled every once in a while, but he was still gaunt, woke up screaming at night, and often was silent for long periods of time.

The only time he ever seemed completely at peace and some fraction of the man he had been before was when he spent extended time with either Remus or Lily or had the opportunity to watch Harry. Remus most often caught a smile lingering on his friend’s lips when he gazed at Harry. His eyes softened, his brow relaxed, and the hard set of his lips broke whenever the little boy walked into the room. More than once, Lily had told him how she’d found Sirius standing over Harry’s crib for minutes on end. Once or twice, he’d actually fallen asleep at beside Harry’s crib.

Despite these changes in Sirius’ demeanor, Remus was happy beyond words to have his best friend back. This was the first time that Remus had begun to feel as if their lives might settle into some sort of calm. Remus was hesitant to use the word peace; he didn’t think there would be peace for quite some time. Peace implied some sort of healing, and Remus knew healing was going to be a long, painful process. There was a sense of calm, though; after all that they had been through in the past six months, Remus felt like they deserved it.

Dumbledore visited Lily’s house for the first time since Sirius’ return later that week. He had been there frequently during Sirius’ incarceration, working tirelessly with both Remus and Lily to free their friend. He was a welcome presence at Lily’s house; he exuded a quiet confidence and poise that had an effect on everyone present. This particular time he brought especially welcome news.

â€�“Sirius, so good to see you. You’re looking good,” Dumbledore greeted Sirius as he walked into the living room.

Sirius gave the elder man a wan smile. â€�“We both know you don’t mean that, Albus.”

Dumbledore peered at Sirius over the rims of his half-moon spectacles. Before all of this disaster, Sirius would have accepted the compliment eagerly and tossed a joke back at his former headmaster. This deflection of compliments was such a departure from the eternally optimistic man they had once known that it was enough to break anyone’s heart. A sort of sad smile came to rest on the older man’s lips as he gave a knowing nod. â€�“Well, in any case.... It’s good to see you home.”

Sirius simply nodded. â€�“Thank you, Albus. For everything you did to get me out of... to free me. I can never thank you enough.” His face may have been void of much emotion, but the gratitude in his voice was clear enough.

Remus joined Lily and Sirius in the living room when he heard the familiar voice. â€�“Ah, Albus. Good to see you again.”

Their former headmaster welcomed the lightening of the mood when Remus entered the room. â€�“And you, Remus.” He turned back to the group of three as they sat facing him. â€�“Where is young Harry? I would think such an excitable young lad would be running around down here.”

Lily smiled at the mention of her son. â€�“He’s upstairs, sleeping, although I’m not sure how much longer he’ll last with you arriving here. He has a knack for knowing when company’s here.”

Dumbledore chuckled and his eyes twinkled at Lily’s reply. â€�“Well, in any case, I come bearing good news. After... well, after the attack on your home, the Order has been vigorously investigating the apparent disappearance of Voldemort. As you well know, I asked you, Lily, and you as well, Remus, to lie low for the past few months as we looked into whether or not Voldemort was really gone.”

â€�“And?” Lily was leaning forward eagerly; she had been waiting for news of this sort ever since James’ death. It had been absolute torture having to stay hidden even after that horrible night.

Dumbledore allowed a wide smile to grace his features. â€�“We’ve searched everywhere, all across England and beyond. We’ve spoken to all of our contacts throughout the world, and there is no sign of him anywhere. Not a trace.”

By that point, Lily had grabbed the hands of both Sirius and Remus, who were sitting on either side of her. She squeezed tightly, joy exuding from every pore in her body. It hadn’t all been in vain; he hadn’t died for nothing. This realization filled Lily with such an immense happiness that she felt it hard to contain.

Remus glanced at the redhead beside him, and gently squeezed her hand in return. He knew how much this news meant to her, how much it meant to all of them. James’ death had been awful, and they still hadn’t moved completely past it, but what had made it worse was the thought that nothing good had come from it. Remus watched as tears slid down his friend’s freckled face, and he smiled because he knew that in this moment, they were not tears of grief but tears of relief.

â€�“And what’s more,” Dumbledore continued, â€�“his followers have dispersed. There is no central organization. We’ve rounded up a great deal of them, and the rest have gone deep into hiding. It looks as if we’ve won. You are all safe, and Voldemort is truly gone.”

Remus glanced over to Sirius, and saw his friend wearing a true smile. The smile on Sirius’ face was one of triumph. Pride burned fiercely in his eyes. â€�“James did it. He did it.” His eyes were bright and vibrant. â€�“I knew he had done it. I knew he hadn’t died in vain.”

Another small reminder that James’ sacrifice had not been for nothing came moments later. A quiet noise came from the upper floor of Lily’s house. Soft giggles were escaping from a room upstairs, the sound that little Harry had awoken. Even if everything else had not happened, if James’ death had not saved all of wizard kind, it still would have meant something. James’ death had saved little Harry Potter.

Lily, ears always tuned to the sound of her son’s voice, heard the soft noises emitted from his room and made to get up. Remus held out an arm to stop her. â€�“It’s fine. I got him.” He got to his feet and headed up the stairs, out of sight.

â€�“So that’s it then?” asked Lily, still squeezing Sirius’ hand tightly, a smile plastered on her face.

Dumbledore chuckled. â€�“That’s it. No more hiding. No more pretending you don’t exist. The wizarding world is waiting to welcome you back, and with open arms I’d be willing to bet.” The elder man paused, as if considering something. â€�“You’re going to be famous, you know. Everyone’s going to know your name, and Harry’s as well. No one that’s been targeted by Voldemort has ever survived. The two of you are going to be famous.”

â€�“But,” here Lily’s brows furrowed in confusion. â€�“I... we haven’t done anything. We didn’t actually do anything. James was the one who sacrificed his life. We just survived.”

Dumbledore nodded. â€�“But the people need someone to call their hero, and that’s going to be you and your son.”

Lily laughed then. â€�“If they want someone to look to as a hero, they should look to you. You’re the one who’d been tirelessly working against Voldemort. You’re the hero of it all.”

â€�“I work behind the scenes. You and James were the foot soldiers, Lily. You and Harry are going to be the ones they look to. Are you going to be able to handle that?”

â€�“Well, we don’t really get much of a choice, do we?” Lily still looked bewildered at that point, but had seemed to come to terms that she and her son would be viewed as heroes.

â€�“I wouldn’t be surprised if they hailed you as a hero as well, Sirius, once the truth comes out about Peter,” Dumbledore thought aloud. â€�“After all, you confronted the man who brought about your friend’s death, and paid the price by being sent... by going to prison. You’re their martyr.”

Sirius scoffed. â€�“I’m no hero. That would mar my reputation as a troublemaker. And we couldn’t have that, could we? Looking like a goody-two-shoes..” He trailed off, a look of false affront on his face.

Neither Lily nor Dumbledore could contain the wide smiles that broke across their faces. It was the first time Sirius had acted like his old self since James’ death. Sirius noticed the smiles and narrowed his eyes.

â€�“What are you two smiling at?”

Lily’s smile grew exponentially. â€�“It’s... it’s the first time you’ve joked since... well, in a while.”

â€�“All this good news is getting to me. It’s simply maddening.”

Laughter filled the room. It was the first time the atmosphere inside Lily’s house had reflected the springtime outside. It was the first time any real healing had been brought to bear upon the survivors of that horrific night. Real life, true vivid life, sprang into being in the room in that moment. Even Sirius joined in with the peals of laughter filling the space, slipping into a fit of roaring laughter that commanded its own attention.

Once the laughter had died down, Lily stood up, heading toward the kitchen. â€�“I’m going to make some tea. Would anyone else like some tea?”

Dumbledore nodded. â€�“Tea would be lovely.”

Sirius’ brow furrowed. â€�“Got anything stronger? Say.. some firewhiskey?”
Lily shot a withering look his way, green eyes narrowed in warning.

Sirius quickly backtracked. â€�“Uh, tea is fine. Yeah, tea would be great.”

Lily came back a few minutes later, four cups of tea suspended in the air near her outstretched wand. After Lily set a cup before Dumbledore, he made a quick movement and reached into his robes.

â€�“Oh! I almost forgot. I have something for you, Lily. Professor McGonagall and I were doing some spring cleaning of our offices this past month, and she came across this and knew I was coming to see you, and so passed it on to me.”

â€�“Mmm..” Lily mused, as she sat down, clutching her tea in her hands. â€�“What is it?”

Dumbledore paused for a moment. â€�“It’s a photo, of you and James on your wedding day.” Here he paused again, the photo still in his hand. He seemed hesitant to hand it over, when he knew the painful memories it could dredge up, and after things had just taken a turn for the better. â€�“I kept it. What can I say? I’m a sentimental man, but at this point, I feel like you have more need of it than me.”

Lily felt the atmosphere in the room tense as Dumbledore gave the photo to Lily. She took it with a trembling hand. She had made a point not to look at any photos of James since his passing, especially wizard photographs. Wizard photographs were so unlike the Muggle pictures she had grown up with. At least in a Muggle photograph, the subject was frozen there; they couldn’t move. Lily didn’t think she would be able to handle a moving James, every smile, wink, or laugh personified for her to see.

Her anxiousness was not without reason. Lily’s first glance at the photo felt like someone had knocked all the air from her lungs. Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt Sirius slide closer to her on the couch, his hand coming to rest in hers. He knew how much this hurt her, for he was transfixed by the photo as well, his eyes swimming with something akin to agony.

There in the photo stood a handsome, and very much alive, James Potter, his arms wrapped around his radiant bride as they twirled in circles. His eyes shone with an exhilaration so bright it brought a glow to his face. The adoration with which he looked at Lily was overwhelming. His black hair still stuck up in all the wrong places, though Sirius distinctly remembered the two of them trying to tame it that morning. Every so often, the James brought to life in the photograph would wink at them, and Sirius felt his heart rip a little each time.

The sound of someone descending the stairs was enough of a reminder of reality to cause Lily to release Sirius’ hand from the deathly grip she had had it in, though she didn’t remove her hand from his. It was Remus. He had come down after the sudden, unsettling silence had fallen over the room, the silence impregnated with pain as well.

Remus was holding Harry, who was now squirming in his grip, trying to get to his mother. â€�“Hey, honey... Mum’s okay. Everything’s okay,” Lily whispered to Harry when she noticed his wide, anxious eyes. Remus set the little boy down on the floor, and Harry stumbled quickly over to where his mother sat. This was no unusual feat; Harry had been walking for some months now. What followed was a far cry from normal, though.

Harry’s gaze focused on the photo that his mother was clutching tightly in her hand. He raised one little finger and pointed to a figure in the image.

â€�“Daddy.”

The little boy seemed a little surprised at hearing his own voice, but other than that seemed resolute in his statement. His green eyes were full of understanding as he looked up at his mother.

Remus heard a sharp intake of breath from Lily, and watched as tears welled up in her eyes. Not only only was this moment poignant because it was Harry’s first word, but because his first word had been in recognition of his father. Lily recovered quickly though, and wiped away the tears that had slipped past her eyelids before scooping up her young son into her lap.

â€�“Yes, honey. That’s Daddy. Daddy was a very brave man, and Daddy was very happy in this picture. And you know what else? Daddy loved you very much. In fact, Daddy will never stop loving you.”

Harry looked very sure as he nodded, and pointed at the picture again, repeating, â€�“Daddy.” He giggled as the James in the picture twirled Lily around again, before kissing her sweetly on the cheek.

â€�“Yes, that’s Daddy,” Lily assured her son before pressing her lips to her son’s forehead.

Just then, a tawny owl flew through the open window, and landed on the arm of the couch beside Lily. Attached to its right leg was a letter, bound tightly with an emerald string. Lily untied the letter from the owl’s leg, and unrolled it.

Dear Lily...

Lily recognized the slanted handwriting immediately. Though she hadn’t had contact with the owner for quite some time, it was not one she would soon forget. She glanced up for a moment, nervousness flitting about in her eyes. It wasn’t as if she should feel guilty for receiving the letter; she hadn’t asked to be contacted. This didn’t calm her nerves any, though.

â€�“What is it?” Sirius asked, eyes narrowed in concern.

â€�“It’s from Sev.”

It was like the calm before the storm; it was eerily silent in the room, but the tension in the air was palpable. Even little Harry seemed to notice the unnatural calm that had settled on the room, stifling and overbearing. He was looking at each of the adults in turn, searching for the source of the problem.

â€�“It’s from Sev.”

They were the last words that had been uttered, the words that now echoed in everyone’s ears. Sirius had stiffened visibly, and let go of Lily’s hand as if he’d been burned. Lily’s hand had burned with the betrayal; those three words had created a deep rift between the close friends. She hazarded a look at Remus, and saw dislike in his eyes, but it was nothing compared to the raging hatred that Lily saw clearly in Sirius’ eyes as he got up from the couch and strode to the opposite end of the room. He kept his mouth shut, obviously aware that their elder, their old headmaster, still resided in the living room. He at least had the decency and control to hold his tongue for now. Lily could only brace herself for the hurricane that was surely on its way.

Dumbledore, sensing that any more time in Lily’s home would be overstaying his welcome, rose from his seat.

â€�“Well, I’d best be going. Other duties to attend to back at Hogwarts and the like. Thank you for your hospitality, Lily. The tea was simply superb.” Lily was brought back to her senses by Dumbledore’s parting words.

â€�“Yes, yes. Thank you for stopping by, Professor, and bringing us that news. It’s made us all very... happy,” she paused on the last word, for happy wasn’t exactly the word to describe the present mood in the house. Remus, too, rose to his feet and shook his old headmaster’s hand.

â€�“Good to see you, Professor.”

â€�“And you, Remus. You as well, Sirius.”

Sirius remained where he stood on the opposite side of the room, only nodding his head curtly. It was as if he knew that the moment he opened his mouth the words would not be polite ones. The storm couldn’t be abated forever. There was a pronounced crack, and the older man was gone.

Without really thinking, Lily glared at Sirius. â€�“That was rude, Sirius. He didn’t do anything to you. Why take it out on him?” The redhead clapped her hand over her mouth as soon as the words were out. Antagonizing Sirius was the last thing she should’ve done in that moment.

â€�“Oh, spare me the lecture, Evans,” Sirius drawled. He paused infinitesimally, as surprised as the rest of them were that he had reverted back to Lily’s surname, as he’d done back in their days at Hogwarts when their relationship had been something akin to enemies. It was this one word and the tone with which he delivered it, the cruel undertones sneaking their way in, that stung Lily most sharply. She cringed at his rebuke, holding Harry close as if he could act as a shield from the painful feelings.

â€�“You just can’t help yourself, can you, Lily?” He couldn’t bring himself to use her surname again. She was a Potter. She was his friend, Lily. He tried to remind himself of this now, but his hatred of his childhood enemy, Lily’s oldest friend, superseded any kindred feelings toward the woman before him. His frustration and anger at the entire situation had him shouting things he couldn’t have imagined saying, not now.

â€�“You always have to be the better one, the one with the moral high ground! Lily, the one who always does what’s right. The one who always feels the need to correct everyone else.”

â€�“Stop it! Just stop, Sirius. Not in front of Harry,” Lily utilized the only advantage she had to hold off the torrent of rage. Her friend steeled himself, and pressed his lips together tightly. No matter how angry he got, Lily knew that Sirius would curb his tongue as long as Harry was around. He wouldn’t dare upset the toddler. She had until that evening to steel herself for what was to come.

One might wonder why Lily didn’t simply ask Sirius to leave. In his volatile state, he was bound to erupt at some point. He was a lit fuse. She had avoided the argument for now, but she knew what was on the horizon. She could have easily asked Remus to take Sirius and leave, but she wasn’t going to. Lily couldn’t shake the feeling that this was somehow her fault, that she somehow deserved rebuke for receiving this letter from her old friend.

The hours passed and the tension did not dissipate in the least. If anything, it seemed to grow stronger. Every minute that passed was another minute for Sirius to dwell on his anger and brew something even worse. Lily knew that what lie ahead was bound to be worse than if she had just weathered the storm to begin with, but she couldn’t do that to Harry. She spent most of the day outside in the backyard with her little boy, watching him explore his newfound freedom on his still unstable feet. The anticipation melted away somewhat with the sun warm on her back, and her little boy’s giggles every time he stumbled and got a new grass stain on his pants. The clouds eventually drifted in as evening fell upon them, though, and Lily shivered.

She tucked in Harry once his eyes grew heavy and his eyelids fluttered in his attempts to stay awake. She kissed his forehead as she lay him in his crib, and a blissful smile came to rest on his peaceful face. She descended the stairs and crossed to the couch, picking up the photo she’d received earlier in the day. She smiled sadly as the James alive in the photograph blew kisses in her direction. She heard footsteps that announced the presence of her friends, and looked up. Remus took a seat in the chair beside the couch, and Sirius stood across from them, declining her invitation to sit. Lily quickly cast a silencing charm to ensure that the heated words to follow would not reach the ears of her child upstairs.

â€�“You’re a living conundrum, Lily. You know that?”

Whatever Lily had been expecting to hear leave Sirius’ mouth, it was not this. She was surprised that he’d been able to force the words out in such a calm manner. He wasn’t shouting, not yet.

â€�“You’re a conundrum. You sit there and hold James’ picture like it means the world to you, and yet a letter from his oldest enemy, someone I thought you despised as well, lays next to you on the couch. I saw you today, Lily. I watched your face as you opened the letter and saw who had penned it. Fondness. Fondness and joy crossed your face, Lily. How much can James really mean to you if you still harbor joy and fondness in your heart for the man who viewed him as the scum of the earth?”

Here they came. The accusations flew across the room, painful and barbed, hurting all the more because they had truth to them. Sirius was not flinging outlandish claims at her; he was reminding her of her deepest worries and sources of guilt and pain. Despite this, she felt the primal need to defend her actions, defend Severus even.

â€�“He was my friend, Sirius. How do you expect me to feel? No matter the man he may be now, nothing can erase the fact that he was my first real friend, my oldest friend, and I loved him for so many years.”

â€�“He was your friend, Lily. Was. That changed. Don’t you remember the names he --”

â€�“I remember plainly, Sirius.”

â€�“Don’t you remember how he treated James and I? He attacked us without reason, without provocation!”

â€�“Don’t be so self-righteous, Sirius! As if he never had reason. I think you’re forgetting how you treated him first.”

Sirius was shouting now, desperation clear in his voice as if he were trying to convince Lily of something. â€�“He was cruel, Lily! He loved the Dark Arts. He associated with Avery and Mulciber. He turned his back on you! He abandoned you when it counted most!”

â€�“Don’t you think I know that?” Lily was crying now, her shouts punctuated by her hitching breath. â€�“I know I lost my best friend! He was only a misunderstood and lonely boy, and I lost him to the Dark Arts. I lost him to Voldemort! But I loved him before that, and I still love him now!”

â€�“How can you say that? You’re disgracing his memory, Lily. You’re disgracing James’ memory! You can’t really have loved James that much, if you’re willing to admit how much Snape meant to you!”

â€�“Stop it. That’s enough,” Remus had finally spoken up. â€�“That’s too far, Sirius. I’m not particularly fond of Severus, either, but we both know that Lily loved James just as much as we did. You don’t have the right to question her devotion to James.”

â€�“But --”

â€�“Shut up. Just shut up,” Remus was glaring at Sirius now. â€�“You’re being a git, more than a git, really. Git’s not really a strong enough word.”

Sirius acquiesced, pursuing another line of speech. â€�“Fine. Read the letter, Lily. I want to know what he has to say for himself, at least.”

Lily didn’t look at Sirius as she picked up the letter, and unfolded it, her stomach doing somersaults all the while. She hadn’t gotten very far in reading it earlier when it had first arrived. As soon as she’d revealed who it was from, all hell had broken loose. Lily could only hope that Severus hadn’t written anything that would inflame Sirius’ temper uncontrollably.

â€�“Dear Lily...”

The redhead looked up from the letter, not wanting to meet Sirius’ eyes, sure she would find seething hatred there. She looked to Remus instead, and he nodded to her, his eyes telling her to continue, that it would all work out in the end. He would be there to quell Sirius’ undeserved wrath.

â€�“Dear Lily,” she began anew. â€�“I hope this letter finds you well.” Lily heard Sirius scoff across from her, but didn’t look up. She knew him well enough to know the look she’d find in her friend’s face. She could almost hear him now. Yeah, bloody good start, eh, Snivelly? She took a breath and continued. â€�“I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner. I just didn’t know how to or when would be the right time. I know this has been hard for you, and I felt like you deserved your space after the last time I came around, what with all that I told you.”

Lily felt her heart crash through the floor. She hadn’t told Remus or Sirius of Severus’ involvement in James’ death. She hazarded a glance to her friends, and to her astonishment and relief, neither of them seemed to have picked up on the fact that Lily had hidden something from them.

â€�“I don’t really know how to start. We haven’t talked in so long, Lily, but I’ve missed you all this time. I know you may not believe me. All these years we’ve spent apart, in two separate worlds, but I’ve never stopped thinking about you. I can’t say that I regret everything that’s happened in the past years. I can’t say that I would take back everything that happened and change it all. There’s so much that I could have showed you, so much that you could have achieved. You are such a bright witch, Lily. You held so much potential.”

â€�“The Arts,” Lily could almost hear the fondness in his voice as if he was speaking to her now, his voice caressing the words like a bewitched lover when he spoke of the Dark Arts. Her stomach turned over a bit, a sick sensation settling there. â€�“The Arts are simply misunderstood. They hold so much power; there was so much that could have been accomplished.”

Lily could feel the tears pricking at her eyes. He sounded exactly the same as he had all those years before at Hogwarts, when she had severed ties with him. His fascination with the Dark Arts had driven them apart, and Lily now felt sick with dashed hopes that he had somehow changed. She looked up at her friends and saw raging fury deep set in Sirius’ eyes; Remus was calmer, but his eyes held a sorrow and disappointment that struck a chord. It could have ended there. Lily could have stopped reading and that would have been the end of it all, but she read on, grasping for some sort of hope, any kind of hope.

â€�“Despite all this, I regret that Potter, James I suppose I should call him, died. I truly do. I wish that events had not occurred as they did. I know how much pain this has caused you, Lily, and for that I am sorry. I could see it in your eyes and feel it in your tremors when last we met. I regret that you had to endure all this pain, and I do wish to do anything possible to rid you of that pain. Just know this, that I am on your side. If it were to ever come to a fight again, I would be on your side. I would protect you no matter my other thoughts on the matter.” Lily’s heart lifted at these words, the flicker that she’d been groping in the darkness for. Perhaps there was still hope for her oldest friend.

And then the bomb dropped. Lily had been careless; she hadn’t scanned ahead to see what was coming. She had simply forged ahead, the words pouring from her mouth before she could stop herself.

â€�“What I am most sorry for was that I know I had some part in the excruciating pain you endured. I regret most strongly the part I played, no matter how unknowingly events unfolded, in James’ demise.”

Lily gasped and dropped the letter. Oh, Merlin, she’d done it now. There was no hiding it now; she never should have hidden this from Sirius and Remus. If the tension in the room had been heavy before, it was stifling now. Lily recoiled when she looked at Sirius and saw that the fury that had been contained in his cold, grey eyes had spread to his entire body. He was literally trembling in rage, visibly shaking. Remus’ eyes were wide with shock and disbelief, but he was carefully watching Sirius, ready to spring to Lily’s defense if need be.

â€�“He what...?” Sirius hardly forced the words out coherently, venom lacing his already deadly voice. â€�“Explain --”

â€�“Sirius, I --” Lily’s voice was small as she tried to croak out an apology.

â€�“Explain it! Now!” He roared, the beast within rearing its head.
â€�“Sirius, Remus, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you --”

â€�“You knew? You knew?! How could you?” Sirius’ barbed words flew across the room, but what stung more deeply was the sense of betrayal that Lily heard beneath the fury.

â€�“I’m sorry, I --”

â€�“Damn it, Lily! I don’t want your empty apologies right now! I want to know what that traitorous coward did so that I when I track him down, I know just how much pain to inflict before I kill him!”

â€�“He didn’t mean to! It wasn’t his fault --”

â€�“What do you mean it wasn’t his fault, Lily? You and I both know that whatever it was that he did, it was completely intentional!”

Lily looked to Remus for help, but he just shook his head sadly. There was nothing he could do to soften the blow. It was clear Severus had somehow been involved, and she had hidden this from her two closest friends. She knew they would never abandon her, though; they didn’t have it in themselves to act so cruelly. But it was apparent from the anguish and pain in their eyes that she had hurt them deeply.

Lily was frantic now. Her world was crumbling down around her, and the worst part was that she agreed with everything Sirius had said. It wasn’t as if she held Severus at no fault, as if she’d forgiven him for his involvement in James’ death. Far from it, in fact. Lily still felt ill every time she thought of what he’d done. If Lily was honest with herself, she would have liked to hex him to oblivion, to make him suffer as she had. But as it was, he had no one to defend him, and Lily felt a primal need to protect her oldest friend. No matter her thoughts on Severus, though, her closest friends, the ones standing before her now, one trembling in anger and the other steeped in sadness, deserved the truth.

â€�“There was a prophecy.” Lily took a deep breath. â€�“There was a prophecy made by a woman named Sybill Trelawney, two years ago in the Hog’s Head. The prophecy that was made to Dumbledore that marked Harry and James and I as targets of the Dark Lord. There was another in the pub that night that overheard the prophecy. Severus overheard the words predicting the downfall of the Dark Lord, and immediately relayed the information to Voldemort. Voldemort never would have known of the prophecy and targeted us if it hadn’t been for Severus.”

Tears were still sliding from Lily’s eyes when she finished speaking and looked up at her best friends. Remus looked overwhelmed with a heavy sort of sadness, a mixture of anger and newly realized grief. She knew Remus would never go after Snape as he’d gone after Sirius; it wasn’t nearly as personal as a betrayal. What Snape had done was almost expected, as if was it in his nature. Besides, Remus had never harbored the same kind of hatred and animosity that the other Marauders had. Sirius, on other other hand, had set his jaw and gone deathly pale. This was an easy direction to channel his anger and grief, against his old enemy, a man partly responsible for his best friend’s death. Sirius had been looking for a place to direct all this overwhelming emotion ever since Peter had escaped. Snape was the perfect option. There was no changing his mind on this; Lily knew this without a doubt.

â€�“I’m going to kill him. I’m really going to kill that man.” The calm in which Sirius echoed the words he had first shouted at Peter sent chills down Remus and Lily alike.

â€�“Sirius, please... listen to me --”

â€�“Stop, Remus. Just stop.”

â€�“Sirius, please. Do you really think James would have wanted you to become a killer on his behalf, let alone at all?”

Sirius paused momentarily. â€�“I don’t think James would have stopped me.”

Lily spoke up this time. â€�“It wasn’t his fault, Sirius!”

â€�“Damn it, Lily! Quit using that feeble argument! Of course it was his fault! He practically hand delivered you and James to Voldemort!”

â€�“He tried to help! He did everything he could! How do you think Dumbledore knew the prophecy meant us? Severus betrayed his master, and ran to Dumbledore the moment he found out that Voldemort was after us. He tried to protect us any way he could! He was working for Dumbledore by the end. I haven’t completely forgiven him for everything that he’s done, but that’s got to make a difference. It’s got to count for something!”

â€�“That doesn’t count for anything. That doesn’t change a thing.”

Remus’ eyes had widened after hearing the last bit of the story. â€�“Yes, it does, Sirius. That changes everything! Try to be reasonable.”

â€�“You two don’t seem to see it!” Sirius roared. â€�“He’s still the same person, no matter if he showed momentary regret or not! It was self-preservation anyway. We all know the only reason he tried to protect your family was because he was terrified of losing you because he’s still infatuated with you! He’s still going to hurt you if you have anything to do with him, Lily! He’s still the same, despicable person that caused James’ death, and I’m still gonna kill him if I ever see him around this house again!”

Lily’s internal defense mechanisms kicked in at that moment, and she was on her feet in an instant. Her stubbornness and hurt caused her to lash out, not entirely sure if the decision she was making was the right one. â€�“Well, rest assured Sirius, I’ll spare you the chance to kill him! You won’t have to see him, but I’m going out tomorrow to meet with him! Now, get out of my house! I don’t want to see you around here anymore!”

Sirius’ clenched jaw dropped open. â€�“You what?!”

â€�“I don’t have to explain myself to you! Now get out!” Lily pushed past him and ran upstairs, slamming her bedroom door and collapsing on her bed.

-------------------------------------------

Lily awoke early to the sounds of her baby. Well, Harry wasn’t quite a baby anymore. He was almost two, and was walking and babbling like nobody’s business. Lily stumbled groggily down the hall to Harry’s room, and pushed open the door. Harry was standing in his crib, trying to climb out.

â€�“Eager to start the day, huh, honey?” She asked of her young son as she picked him up out of the crib. â€�“Yeah, well, somebody’s got to be.” Lily wasn’t exactly excited as the prospect of facing today. Her thoughts were still plagued by the argument she’d had with one of her best friends the night before, and the meeting with a friend she hadn’t really spoken to at length in years lay ahead of her. She was following through with her decision to meet with Severus, but it didn’t mean she’d had her doubts. After all, she was basing her assessment that he’d somehow changed on the contents of one short letter. She felt rather ill about the whole situation all morning as she tried to keep herself busy; tidying up, gardening, playing with Harry. She only hoped she was right; she wanted to prove Sirius wrong, that Sev really had changed.

At about two in the afternoon, Lily packed a bag, gathered up Harry, and set out at a brisk walk. The cafe in Diagon Alley where Severus had said he would wait was about a forty-five minute walk from her home. Lily could have apparated; side-along apparation had been cleared as safe for children, but Lily liked to not subject Harry to the uncomfortable feeling unless she had to. Besides, she needed this time to clear her head and prepare herself for the road ahead.

Lily walked the familiar path to Leaky Cauldron in London, and tapped the bricks, pausing to take a breath before stepping through into Diagon Alley. Lily spotted him before she spotted the cafe where she was supposed to be meeting him. He was sitting at a table outside, a certain resigned sadness on his face, as if he hadn’t expected her to come at all. His black hair still hung limply around his face, and he was as pale as ever. His thin frame was hunched over, as if the weight of the world was weighing on his shoulders. It was his face, though, that drew Lily’s attention. He looked so young, so fragile, yet so forlorn and worn down that his features could have belonged to a war veteran. In a way, she guessed he was. In any case, she knew in that moment that she had made the right decision in coming. He needed her, and in her own way, she needed him.

â€�“Sev,” she said softly as she drew nearer. His head snapped up and the joy in his eyes warmed something inside Lily.

â€�“Lily... I didn’t think you would come,” Severus mused as he got to his feet quickly. His black eyes soon fell on Harry. â€�“You brought him.”

Lily nodded as Harry squirmed in her arms, turning to look quizzically at Severus, trying to figure out if he’d seen this man before. â€�“Well, I am a single parent.”

Severus winced at the comment, guilt clear in his eyes. â€�“No! I didn’t mean it like that... I just..” Lily paused, placing a hand on Severus’ arm as he stepped backwards. â€�“I didn’t mean anything by that, I swear it. I just meant there’s no one to leave him with, so he usually comes along.” She joined him at the table and sat beside him.

â€�“What about Lupin and Black?” Lily could hear the distaste in his words as he mentioned Sirius. She inwardly cursed. Why did men have to act like this? The grudges and hatred they held lasted lifetimes.

â€�“We’re, erm, not on the best terms right now. Besides,” she tried to skim over the truth quickly, not meaning to let Severus know that she wasn’t speaking to Sirius on account of him, â€�“Harry likes getting out. Too much time at home, and he gets fussy.”

Severus had always been a clever man, though, picking up on things that most others would miss. â€�“I’m sorry,” he said simply. Lily nodded, a sad sort of smile lingering on her face. She had no desire to dwell on that, though. Just as the lull in the conversation was beginning to lengthen, Severus spoke again.

â€�“He has your eyes, you know. He has your green eyes.” Lily looked up to see Severus looking intently at her son, a smile on his lips, and Harry holding his gaze. Her little boy looked up at her for a moment, a knowing look in the eyes that so closely matched hers, before turning back to the man gazing at him.

â€�“Sev,” he said matter of factly, pointing a chubby finger at Severus. Lily laughed then, the tension gone from the encounter, and both her son and her friend joined in. The conversation flowed smoothly from there, and Lily and Severus spoke as if they were just old friends catching up, which they were if you ignored the fact that one of them had played a part in the death of the other’s loved one. But eventually things turned sour, as all good things seemed to these days. As the day grew darker, so did the topics of their conversation.

â€�“I missed you, you know, all those years back at school, Sev,” Lily told her friend, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, just as it had all those years ago when times were so much simpler. â€�“It was lonely for a while. I wish we could’ve spent more time together.” Harry was asleep on her shoulder by now. â€�“I really, really missed you.”

â€�“We could’ve spent more time together, Lily.”

She shook her head. â€�“We drifted apart, Sev. You... you made other friends, friends that I couldn’t be around.”

â€�“That was your choice, Lily, not mine. I never made the decision to exclude you. You were the one who disassociated yourself from me, like you were ashamed of me. You said that my interest in the Arts had twisted me; you were the one who left.” Lily could hear the hurt and accusation creeping into his voice. She didn’t like where this was heading, but she felt just as strongly as about it as she had all those years ago. She couldn’t just leave the conversation there.

â€�“They did twist you, Sev. The Dark Arts, your new friends, your new... master. Do you really think he would have allowed me to freely hang around you, knowing what they thought of people like me?”

â€�“They would have made an exception for you!” Severus countered quickly. â€�“He did try to recruit you and James.”

Lily shivered, remembering the experience clearly. â€�“Like I would have ever accepted. Your lot thought I was the scum of the earth. You even said so yourself, more than once.” The recollection of that day made Lily sick; she had the sinking feeling that history might repeat itself.

â€�“I... I was just trying to fit in. You know how hard it can be in school, trying to find a group of people that accept you. People that would care for you, that would be on your side.”

Lily jerked her head back to look her friend in the eye, appalled by his weak explanation.

â€�“I cared for you, Sev, from the start! I was on your side from the beginning! I tried protecting you all those years, but you just treated me like lower than nothing. I loved you, Sev! I cared for you more than anyone in the world!”

Severus’ black eyes grew cold. â€�“You didn’t love me, Lily. You had Potter.”

â€�“Yes, I had James. I did, and I loved him, but I needed my best friend, Sev. You abandoned me when I needed you most!”

â€�“It was for the greater good!” He roared, eyes flashing in the fading light of dusk.

Lily stopped short. Her eyes widened as she stared incredulously at the man before her.

â€�“It was for the greater good, and I’d do it again if I had to.”

â€�“Abandoning your best friend, humiliating me every time I tried to stand up for you, that was all for the greater good?” Her emerald eyes held pools of deep hurt, and rising rage and disbelief. â€�“If all that was for the greater good, I can only imagine what else you considered ‘for the greater good’. I suppose you’d like me to believe that your master’s plan to eliminate all the Mudbloods and Muggles was for the greater good?”

â€�“Yes, it was.”

â€�“How can you say that, Sev? Innocent people! How could you possibly justify killing innocent people for your cause?”

Distaste was evident in his voice as he forged on, not caring of the irreparable damage he was inflicting with his words. â€�“They were inferior. They were vermin that deserved to be wiped out, so that the wizarding world would be a cleaner, more pure place. A place for people like us, Lily.”

Lily leapt to her feet in a rush to escape her collapsing world. She couldn’t believe this was happening again.

â€�“I am nothing like you! Nothing! You’re forgetting, I’m not pureblood, and neither are you! I’m not cruel and sadistic and twisted like you either. I can’t believe you! I thought...” Tears slipped from her eyes despite her best efforts to hold them back, and the hole in her chest grew exponentially as she lost her friend for the second time in her life. â€�“I thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d changed.”

â€�“Wait, Lily! Just wait...” He tried to follow her, grabbing her arm, panic rising in his eyes as he realized exactly what he’d just done.

Lily pulled her wand from her pocket, and thrust it at his throat. â€�“Get away from me, Severus. Just stay away. Don’t follow me, and don’t ever come around my house again. If you do, I’ll let Sirius inflict just as much pain on you as he wanted to. You killed James, and for that I’m never going to forgive you. And don’t ever try to tell me you never abandoned me, that it was my fault, cause it’s all you every time!”

With that, Lily ran from the scene of her worst nightmare. She ran, and ran, and kept on running. She didn’t think she could make it all the way home, so she ran to the nearest place she could think of for solace. She reached the front door of the flat in a little under ten minutes. She knocked and stepped back, waiting. Her flaming hair was tangled in knots, and her cheeks were flushed and windblown. She looked like hell.

The door swung open, and Lily looked up. Sirius stood there, a sad sort of smile resting on his lips. She shot him a pleading look: please don’t say I told you so. He shook his sadly, sorrow in his eyes.

â€�“Wouldn’t dream of it, Lily. I’m so, so sorry.” He drew her into his arms as Remus appeared in the doorway and gathered Harry. She made it to the couch before dissolving into tears, head buried in Sirius’ shoulder.

â€�“You were right. You were so right, Sirius,” she choked out. â€�“Why don’t I ever see it until it’s too late?”

â€�“Because,” Sirius whispered in her ear, â€�“you always look for the best in people.”